Please Like Me - Season 1 Edit

A headache?

A homosexual man is 30 times more likely to get AIDS.

A little joke.

A lot.

A tiny version of you terrified that a...

About Rod and the... you know, the bloody bedroom thing.

About what we're gonna do.

Actually, I don't think I'm gonna eat.

Actually, Peg used to swear in church all the time.

Actually, there's no way of telling who had it, so...

Ah, bugger!

Ah, hi. We're all done for the day, so I'll call you later and tell you how it went.

Ah, maybe you could try smiling.

Ah, no, no, I didn't.

Ah, no! I thought I was pregnant.

Ah, no. No.

Ah, Peg, I don't think you can stop here.

Ah, Rose, there's no way. There's just no way.

Ah, so how did you find out that you're not?

Ah. It's still nice of you both to dress up for me.

Alan, I promise you,

Alan, I wouldn't go taking advice from someone with that haircut

Alan! Alan, can you come here, please?

Alright, Alan. Now, I am going into the kitchen to do some tidying up.

Alright, Alan. Now, I am going into the kitchen to do some tidying up.

Alright, fine.

Alright, let's get this stuff to your room and wake up your mother.

Alright.

Alright.

Also, I cut myself shaving, and you won't shut up about giraffes,

Also, I quite enjoyed the morning tea.

Also, uh, Claire and I broke up.

Also...

Although I did date a racist once too, so I don't know.

Always thought that he was gay.

Am I allowed to say "pansy"?

Am I mental?

Am I really doing this badly at life that you think I have bonus chromosomes?

Amazing.

And don't be mean about it either, please.

And he gave me 20 cents to buy a choc dip cone

And he's so... um...

And his mum told you that if you do that,

And I don't know how to put the goddamn picture there.

And I happened to be googling giraffes again today

And I have to tell someone about this stuff.

And I love him.

And I really don't think this is the way for her to find out.

And I really think I could date a disabled person.

And I want to give you all of me, the best parts and the worst.

And I was just worried that one wouldn't be enough,

And I would like to believe that one day

And if I have to be stuck here with you, we're going to have some fun.

And if it isn't what God would want, then... then he, or she, can...

And if none of it had have happened, then...

And if you consider a magnet...

And is probably worth more money than you, pal.

And it's not a phase?

And it's not really my thing, so I thought I may as well give it to you.

And it's supposed to make me look weird?

And Josh has decided to become a homosexual,

And not to your car.

And now roll it in nice and slow.

And now Rose is going to say a few personal words about her aunt.

And she came all the way out here for you?

And she just genuinely likes Dad, which is quite hard to believe.

And she was dressed like a slapper, so I had to wait for her to get changed.

And she's Christian, and I'm sorry

And that is that you don't love the people you love

And that's not bad, you know,

And that's your... that's your headline?

And the more I learn, the less I like.

And the other time was drunk and it didn't mean anything.

And the terrible thing about that is that I won't be sharing my life

And then got disappointed and put them back in the charity bin.

And then I bled actual blood into his actual mouth.

And then I regretted it so I vomited it up on purpose.

And then I vomited up a little bit by accident.

And then I'm there.

And then just be together and it'll be great,

And then one day, you order a $19 sundae and it's finished.

And then they ended up with... you.

And then you have to spend the next 18 years pretending to love it.

And there's plenty of food. I made sandwiches. Does she like sandwiches?

And they're not horrible.

And this is as good as my face is ever going to get.

And watch Japanese manga with these two, so...

And we're just ignoring the fact that Geoffrey's a man?

And what better gift to give him than that

And what's happening is that I'm sucking your penis?

And why would that freaking jerk

And you are looking at girls?

And you can, like, find someone else if you want.

And you do have some of the symptoms.

And you know what, she speaks six languages

And you look like, ugh, that.

And you shouldn't have to live with me either, Josh. I...

And you were naked in the backyard at your friend's house

And you won't have time if you're gonna make the game.

And you wouldn't kiss me because your aunt was there.

And you'll be too dead to help me?

And you're here having a dinner party.

And you're my best friend.

And you're punished for it.

And you're quite effeminate.

And your uncle only pretended to like them because you liked them.

And, also, it's just so boring.

And, certainly, it was a disappointment.

And, um...

And... and Mum's proud too. She probably doesn't say it, but...

And... if they do see you, they're probably mental too, so that's nice.

Any electrician will tell you you can't get power

Any time.

Anyway, I just... I really can't wait for him to get rid of Niamh.

Anyway, I'd best be off

Anyway, I've decided I'm not angry about it.

Anyway... you've got Rod!

Apparently if you're old,

Apparently Peg wanted us to wear happy clothes, but I didn't know either.

Apparently, she can't be alone, and I'm all she's got.

Are we ok? Is this ok?

Are we...

Are you a little bit surprised that your sperm actually works?

Are you absolutely certain if I don't call an ambulance, you won't die?

Are you crying?

Are you eating my Pop Rocks?

Are you gonna make out with other people?

Are you gonna open the goddamn car

Are you ignoring us, sweetheart, huh?

Are you Josh's ex girlfriend?

Are you listening to us?

Are you moving to Thailand? Are you telling me you're moving to Thailand?

Are you ok, Josh, mate?

Are you ok?

Are you ok? Are you ok?

Are you racist?

Are you saying you don't want to be friends?

Are you sure you don't have feelings

Are you tearing up a bit?

Are you trying to make me feel bad?

Aren't men jerks?

Arseholes!

At least I managed to put some underwear on before you got home.

At least if they're mediocre looking,

Aunty Peg could move in with her.

Be g****s, kiwifruit, a walnut?

Because he knows the name of the soft toy, but he's a dog.

Because he was just rubbing between me and the sheets.

Because I cut myself shaving,

Because I'm fine.

Because if they... if they are born that way, they...

Because the average marriage only lasts 8.7 years.

Because the only person I want to talk to is my best friend,

Because they do what you want, but because of who they are."

Because they'd be able to see it.

Because when I was in Grade 2 I had this Afghani friend

Because you brought it up, ok?

Because you told them that I gave you chlamydia.

Because you told them that I gave you chlamydia.

Because you're all, like, emotionally stunted, yeah?

Because your period was late?

Because, like, you know, you really like him and maybe he likes you and I just...

Because, well, you know, you're a little bit plain,

Because...

Best be off.

Between something happening and you telling me.

Big gate, big gate. No one's getting through that.

Boys. Boys.

Brendan, would you like a frozen cola?

Brendan, you know you're quite good looking, yeah?

Brilliant.

Brilliant. That's clever.

Bring her in!

Burying my mum was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

But after 60 years of Sunday mornings,

But all I can think about is my rubbish face and obsessing.

But he doesn't want me to tell you about it, ok?

But he's so nice, Josh.

But I didn't do it. I didn't know you could, otherwise I probably would have.

But I failed her.

But I thought, no, people would judge.

But I've really gotta go. I've gotta go.

But if you don't promise to come to church,

But it looks good there.

But like the moon in the darkest woods,

But no. I... I didn't...

But people can see their money any time.

But she just said she was too tired to want to see you.

But that's ok, you know. If you're not hungry. That's fine.

But the cups are so small,

But the doctor thinks we should put you in a mental home.

But the most obvious symptom is that your testicles do not develop in puberty.

But the muscles.

But then I'd have to see you there, once I get there.

But they're all I've got."

But turns out you're actually just a bitch.

But we... we were broken up at the time. The first time.

But when they're that pretty, I'm just like, "Oh!"

But you could do all the same sorts of things at my place as you do at Tom's.

But you dobbed me in to the cops, though, didn't you?

But you should definitely come, Alan.

But you think I'm a bad driver.

But you weren't just... Anyway. I don't know.