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Alan Partridge Soundboard
Sound clips including:
Yes, it's an extender
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Lynn I've pierced my foot on a spike!
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Huuueee
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Get rid of it
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My girlfriend's 33, I'm 47, she's 14 years younger than me
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Jurrasic Park
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Dan
,
Dan
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Dan
,
Dan
,
Dan
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I'll get him later
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Has this kitchen been distressed?
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Youth hostelling with Chris Eubank
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Monkey tennis
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Smell my cheese
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Let's forget about all this
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Aqua
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Look at that, not even listening
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Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged, or not appreciated
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Catch the train to London, stopping at rejection, disappointment, backstabbing central, and shattered dreams parkway
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Properly policed, it must not turn into an all night rave
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Back of the net
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Which is the worst monger, fish, iron, rumour or war?
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It's hotter than the sun
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I've got a girlfriend
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Bird noise
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And then I'll put you across my knee and smack your bare bottom
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You can stop giggling or I'll take down your particulars
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Time wasting until the news
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So er, so thanks!
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Moo
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Oh you ignorant...
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Hello, Dante Fires, just through there. Oooo you're going to have a good time
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Hello?
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Hello??
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Lynn, some of these people have come from Stoke
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Lynn, you couldn't present a cat
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Were you going to say I was nearly 50 Lynn?
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You do know who I am?
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Hello, I've just swallowed a load of anthrax, and I'd like to let off like mad in the club bar. Can I come in?
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I'm 43 you cheeky git!
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Who invented the skip?
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Tongue, who eats tongue for goodness sake? Imagine a tongue sticking out a sesame seed cob
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You ignorant s...
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Hello, have you got a brain or is your head just full of s...
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Let's get back to cock-a-doodle-who
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Cock-a-doodle-who
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Ignorant and offensive
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When the boat comes in
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You're not in the army anymore
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Aye
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Ten
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I'm going to go home and just probably go straight to bed, and keep out of trouble
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Well no I won't be on in the morning because I'm doing lates, I won't come on until about 2 o'clock
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And I'm an innocent bystander
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To me it looks like traffic cone theft
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King Road
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I wasn't trying to steal a traffic cone
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To an innocent bystander, it could, may look like traffic cone theft
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I didn't want to be sick in the road
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He got scared and ran away
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He was in the army and I think he saw people being blown up
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Ahhh
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Oh I like this, yes
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Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here
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Would you like a cuban cigar?
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Yes please
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Rolled on the thighs of a virgin
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Why do birds?
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Suddenly appear
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Why do, why do
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I'd love to have it off with her
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Hrgggh, sex
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This is a romantic tribute
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OK, there will be no telephone Cluedo today
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Because of a threat of a court injunction
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I got really drunk last night, I was sick everywhere
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She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out chests
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Listen to this, it'll blow your socks off
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There's more to Ireland dan dis
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Alan, I want you back on the telly
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Kommen sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwek
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Shoestring, Taggart, Spender, Bergerac, Morse
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What does that say to you about regional detective series?
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A bit of a maverick
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It's a buildup of fatty deposits just above the belt line
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You don't want to see me in my underpants
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I can't talk, I've got a fat back
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I'll have a pint of bitter!
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Um
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I didn't quite kill him, that was the tragedy, I had to go back and kill him with a jack
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Lynn, I'm not driving a Mini Metro
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You blonde b******, from the future
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As I see it, God created Adam and Eve
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He didn't create Adam and Steve
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Oh forget it
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Aqua
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Which is French for water
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But my wife's vegetarian
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Doesn't matter, she can have fish
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No, she won't eat that either
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I'd love to
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Do you mind if I bring my guitar?
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Do you like mini kievs?
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I love 'em
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Hello Alan, didn't know you'd moved in
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Yeah, just moved in
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I'm having a barbeque, fancy coming over?
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No, she sounds weird
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Sorry, thank you love
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Alright Chris
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What do you do on a boat alone?
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Read a book, relax, look at the scenery
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You regularly book, don't you?
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Do you do that with your boyfriend?
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Right, you book alone?
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How old are you?
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Oh ha ha ha ha ha
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Ha ha ha, unbelieveable
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I'm joined by Alice, who's not going to shrink me into a little bottle, she's going to tell me about Hamleton's Holiday Breaks
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Someone should have told him
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Bang and Olufsen
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Why?
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Because he was depressed
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Why, were they not very good?
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Who's he?
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Nirvana
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Blew his head off with a gun?
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Tough one
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So er, who's your favourite singer then?
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Frank Sinatra
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Kurt Cobain
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I've got a broad taste, from the Brit-pop bands like UB40, Def Leppard, right back to classic rock like Wings
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Yeah, so do I
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OK
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It's er, it's mine
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I know you're a DJ, but I've heard your show
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Another one of those, same time tomorrow
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Would you go out with me if I was younger and more attractive?
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Yes I think I probably would
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And now it's time for Alan's Fact of the Day
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Crab sticks do not actually contain any crab
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And from 1993, manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them 'Crab Flavoured Sticks'
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1,230 to 12
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10 past 5
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I love you, in a way
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And then make a program about it
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R E O Speed Wagon
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Um
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I've seen some terrible things mind
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What like three men burning in a tank?
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I'll be honest, I'm pretty curious
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I was in the army when I was 1
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Well there you go, they taught you a trade
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That and killing
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That was just a noise
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And a broken home is not an excuse for evil
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You, look at you, do you go round drawing peep hole bras on the wall?
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What is it all about?
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Oh about, sorry
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What?
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If they had themselves proper jobs..
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Vandals Mr Partridge, makes me wonder what it's all aboot
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Aboot?
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Aye, you know, vandals
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Morning Mr Partridge
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Bit of a job for you
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Unfortunately, some vandals have sworn all over my car again
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No way you big...
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Sunday Bloody Sunday
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Bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre
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Massacre, ew, not playing that again
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Best friends
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Pretty much, yeah
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No
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I ate a scotch egg
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I thought it would have broken down by now, but I think I'm slightly constipated
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It's surprising really, considering the circumstances
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I can't breathe, I can't breathe
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Uh, Nottingham?
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Uh
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And I'll be Alan Partridge!
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Not my face, I'm doing a photo shoot for Vision Express
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What do you want to do?
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I think that's a great idea
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Do you really?
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I think it's the best idea in the world
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I'll level with you, I'm really scared
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In fact, I think I'll go
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No, stay, don't go
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Afraid so
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Third time
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Scum, sub- human scum
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Did he leave a message?
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No, he never does
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Right, well I'm afraid Susan, I've got some very bad news
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I'm leaving you, you cow!
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Sorry, bit of a joke there, it backfired
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Just the one, from Bill Oddie
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No
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Laughter
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Looks like a lady, but really it's a man
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I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing
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Any messages?
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They're disgusting, I kept away from them
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Oh God yeah yeah
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Fascinating creatures though
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Er, there's a market...
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Tell me about the Ladyboys
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Bangkok
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Aye
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Um, so what did you see in Bangkok
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I saw the Golden Temple man, beautiful it was
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I'll be honest, I'm dead against it
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Have you ever been to the Far East, Michael?
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Only Manila, Hong Kong and Bangkok like
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Phrophylaptics, you know, rubber jonnies
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Actually, being your age and everything, there's probably no need for them
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Do you mind if I talk?
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That's first class
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That is superb
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Oh, there you go, it's all happening
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I'm afraid I have no sheaths
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Do you er
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Shall I er, move on to the other one?
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Oh that's lovely
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Do you like me doing that?
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Soundboard for the tactless North Norfolk Radio DJ Alan Partridge. Dan! Dan! Dan!
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Alan Partridge Soundboard
Soundboard for the tactless North Norfolk Radio DJ Alan Partridge. Dan! Dan! Dan!
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