Home > Alan Partridge Soundboard

Sound clips including:
Yes, it's an extender, Lynn I've pierced my foot on a spike!, Huuueee, Get rid of it, My girlfriend's 33, I'm 47, she's 14 years younger than me, Jurrasic Park, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, I'll get him later, Has this kitchen been distressed?, Youth hostelling with Chris Eubank, Monkey tennis, Smell my cheese, Let's forget about all this, Aqua, Look at that, not even listening, Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged, or not appreciated, Catch the train to London, stopping at rejection, disappointment, backstabbing central, and shattered dreams parkway, Properly policed, it must not turn into an all night rave, Back of the net, Which is the worst monger, fish, iron, rumour or war?, It's hotter than the sun, I've got a girlfriend, Bird noise, And then I'll put you across my knee and smack your bare bottom, You can stop giggling or I'll take down your particulars, Time wasting until the news, So er, so thanks!, Moo, Oh you ignorant..., Hello, Dante Fires, just through there. Oooo you're going to have a good time, Hello?, Hello??, Lynn, some of these people have come from Stoke, Lynn, you couldn't present a cat, Were you going to say I was nearly 50 Lynn?, You do know who I am?, Hello, I've just swallowed a load of anthrax, and I'd like to let off like mad in the club bar. Can I come in?, I'm 43 you cheeky git!, Who invented the skip?, Tongue, who eats tongue for goodness sake? Imagine a tongue sticking out a sesame seed cob, You ignorant s..., Hello, have you got a brain or is your head just full of s..., Let's get back to cock-a-doodle-who, Cock-a-doodle-who, Ignorant and offensive, When the boat comes in, You're not in the army anymore, Aye, Ten, I'm going to go home and just probably go straight to bed, and keep out of trouble, Well no I won't be on in the morning because I'm doing lates, I won't come on until about 2 o'clock, And I'm an innocent bystander, To me it looks like traffic cone theft, King Road, I wasn't trying to steal a traffic cone, To an innocent bystander, it could, may look like traffic cone theft, I didn't want to be sick in the road, He got scared and ran away, He was in the army and I think he saw people being blown up, Ahhh, Oh I like this, yes, Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here, Would you like a cuban cigar?, Yes please, Rolled on the thighs of a virgin, Why do birds?, Suddenly appear, Why do, why do, I'd love to have it off with her, Hrgggh, sex, This is a romantic tribute, OK, there will be no telephone Cluedo today, Because of a threat of a court injunction, I got really drunk last night, I was sick everywhere, She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out chests, Listen to this, it'll blow your socks off, There's more to Ireland dan dis, Alan, I want you back on the telly, Kommen sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwek, Shoestring, Taggart, Spender, Bergerac, Morse, What does that say to you about regional detective series?, A bit of a maverick, It's a buildup of fatty deposits just above the belt line, You don't want to see me in my underpants, I can't talk, I've got a fat back, I'll have a pint of bitter!, Um, I didn't quite kill him, that was the tragedy, I had to go back and kill him with a jack, Lynn, I'm not driving a Mini Metro, You blonde b******, from the future, As I see it, God created Adam and Eve, He didn't create Adam and Steve, Oh forget it, Aqua, Which is French for water, But my wife's vegetarian, Doesn't matter, she can have fish, No, she won't eat that either, I'd love to, Do you mind if I bring my guitar?, Do you like mini kievs?, I love 'em, Hello Alan, didn't know you'd moved in, Yeah, just moved in, I'm having a barbeque, fancy coming over?, No, she sounds weird, Sorry, thank you love, Alright Chris, What do you do on a boat alone?, Read a book, relax, look at the scenery, You regularly book, don't you?, Do you do that with your boyfriend?, Right, you book alone?, How old are you?, Oh ha ha ha ha ha, Ha ha ha, unbelieveable, I'm joined by Alice, who's not going to shrink me into a little bottle, she's going to tell me about Hamleton's Holiday Breaks, Someone should have told him, Bang and Olufsen, Why?, Because he was depressed, Why, were they not very good?, Who's he?, Nirvana, Blew his head off with a gun?, Tough one, So er, who's your favourite singer then?, Frank Sinatra, Kurt Cobain, I've got a broad taste, from the Brit-pop bands like UB40, Def Leppard, right back to classic rock like Wings, Yeah, so do I, OK, It's er, it's mine, I know you're a DJ, but I've heard your show, Another one of those, same time tomorrow, Would you go out with me if I was younger and more attractive?, Yes I think I probably would, And now it's time for Alan's Fact of the Day, Crab sticks do not actually contain any crab, And from 1993, manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them 'Crab Flavoured Sticks', 1,230 to 12, 10 past 5, I love you, in a way, And then make a program about it, R E O Speed Wagon, Um, I've seen some terrible things mind, What like three men burning in a tank?, I'll be honest, I'm pretty curious, I was in the army when I was 1, Well there you go, they taught you a trade, That and killing, That was just a noise, And a broken home is not an excuse for evil, You, look at you, do you go round drawing peep hole bras on the wall?, What is it all about?, Oh about, sorry, What?, If they had themselves proper jobs.., Vandals Mr Partridge, makes me wonder what it's all aboot, Aboot?, Aye, you know, vandals, Morning Mr Partridge, Bit of a job for you, Unfortunately, some vandals have sworn all over my car again, No way you big..., Sunday Bloody Sunday, Bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre, Massacre, ew, not playing that again, Best friends, Pretty much, yeah, No, I ate a scotch egg, I thought it would have broken down by now, but I think I'm slightly constipated, It's surprising really, considering the circumstances, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, Uh, Nottingham?, Uh, And I'll be Alan Partridge!, Not my face, I'm doing a photo shoot for Vision Express, What do you want to do?, I think that's a great idea, Do you really?, I think it's the best idea in the world, I'll level with you, I'm really scared, In fact, I think I'll go, No, stay, don't go, Afraid so, Third time, Scum, sub- human scum, Did he leave a message?, No, he never does, Right, well I'm afraid Susan, I've got some very bad news, I'm leaving you, you cow!, Sorry, bit of a joke there, it backfired, Just the one, from Bill Oddie, No, Laughter, Looks like a lady, but really it's a man, I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing, Any messages?, They're disgusting, I kept away from them, Oh God yeah yeah, Fascinating creatures though, Er, there's a market..., Tell me about the Ladyboys, Bangkok, Aye, Um, so what did you see in Bangkok, I saw the Golden Temple man, beautiful it was, I'll be honest, I'm dead against it, Have you ever been to the Far East, Michael?, Only Manila, Hong Kong and Bangkok like, Phrophylaptics, you know, rubber jonnies, Actually, being your age and everything, there's probably no need for them, Do you mind if I talk?, That's first class, That is superb, Oh, there you go, it's all happening, I'm afraid I have no sheaths, Do you er, Shall I er, move on to the other one?, Oh that's lovely, Do you like me doing that?, and more. 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Alan Partridge Soundboard

Soundboard for the tactless North Norfolk Radio DJ Alan Partridge. Dan! Dan! Dan!

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