# description
Keep Seinfeld (1989) On Your Home Screen

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Cosmo Kramer: Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.

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Cosmo Kramer: Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.

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Play Cosmo Kramer: Boy, these pretzels are makin' me thirsty.

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Elaine: Well, I'm going to hell. Jerry: That seems about right.

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Elaine: Well, I'm going to hell. Jerry: That seems about right.

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Play Elaine: Well, I'm going to hell. Jerry: That seems about right.

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It seems the way they design the car alarms... ...is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person. Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's: Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. Not everyone wants to draw that much attention to themselves. Wouldn't it be nice to have a car alarm that was more subtle? Maybe just, you know, somebody tries to break in, and it goes:

# shortcuts[].short_name
It seems the way they design the car alarms... ...is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person. Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's: Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. Not everyone wants to draw that much attention to themselves. Wouldn't it be nice to have a car alarm that was more subtle? Maybe just, you know, somebody tries to break in, and it goes:

# shortcuts[].description
Play It seems the way they design the car alarms... ...is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person. Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's: Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. Not everyone wants to draw that much attention to themselves. Wouldn't it be nice to have a car alarm that was more subtle? Maybe just, you know, somebody tries to break in, and it goes:

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Old people in Florida, they drive slow... ...and they sit low. Right? That is their motto. The state flag of Florida should be... ...a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it.

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Old people in Florida, they drive slow... ...and they sit low. Right? That is their motto. The state flag of Florida should be... ...a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it.

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Play Old people in Florida, they drive slow... ...and they sit low. Right? That is their motto. The state flag of Florida should be... ...a steering wheel with a hat and two knuckles on it.

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If wedding invitations were left up to men... ...we'd just drive around sticking fliers in windshields. Not even typed up either. Just magic markers, xeroxed, you know: "Party." What's needed is a divorce announcement. "Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson request the honor of your presence... ...at the returning of their daughter back to Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson."

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If wedding invitations were left up to men... ...we'd just drive around sticking fliers in windshields. Not even typed up either. Just magic markers, xeroxed, you know: "Party." What's needed is a divorce announcement. "Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson request the honor of your presence... ...at the returning of their daughter back to Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson."

# shortcuts[].description
Play If wedding invitations were left up to men... ...we'd just drive around sticking fliers in windshields. Not even typed up either. Just magic markers, xeroxed, you know: "Party." What's needed is a divorce announcement. "Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson request the honor of your presence... ...at the returning of their daughter back to Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson."

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Have you noticed that every little place. you go into lately has that tip jar on the counter? What is the service that this tip is for, anyway? I mean, isn't the man basically just turning around? Isn't that really all it is? I think we're tipping people now. just for the absence of outright hostility. "Thanks very much, and here's a little something extra "for not taking my head "and smashing my face through the glass countertop. "Really good service here."

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Have you noticed that every little place. you go into lately has that tip jar on the counter? What is the service that this tip is for, anyway? I mean, isn't the man basically just turning around? Isn't that really all it is? I think we're tipping people now. just for the absence of outright hostility. "Thanks very much, and here's a little something extra "for not taking my head "and smashing my face through the glass countertop. "Really good service here."

# shortcuts[].description
Play Have you noticed that every little place. you go into lately has that tip jar on the counter? What is the service that this tip is for, anyway? I mean, isn't the man basically just turning around? Isn't that really all it is? I think we're tipping people now. just for the absence of outright hostility. "Thanks very much, and here's a little something extra "for not taking my head "and smashing my face through the glass countertop. "Really good service here."

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When did tick tack toe become the pound sign? Why not call it what it is? "Leave your numeric message now, and then press Archie's head." And what is that redial button? Let's face it. You'll either get the person, the machine or they have call waiting. Who is redialing and redialing? This is like the harassment key for people in a fight, you know. Hey, I'm not through. You can't do that to me. And another thing.

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When did tick tack toe become the pound sign? Why not call it what it is? "Leave your numeric message now, and then press Archie's head." And what is that redial button? Let's face it. You'll either get the person, the machine or they have call waiting. Who is redialing and redialing? This is like the harassment key for people in a fight, you know. Hey, I'm not through. You can't do that to me. And another thing.

# shortcuts[].description
Play When did tick tack toe become the pound sign? Why not call it what it is? "Leave your numeric message now, and then press Archie's head." And what is that redial button? Let's face it. You'll either get the person, the machine or they have call waiting. Who is redialing and redialing? This is like the harassment key for people in a fight, you know. Hey, I'm not through. You can't do that to me. And another thing.

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I never figured out why they make these bizarre toilet seats. You know? Like those clear Lucite ones with all the coins in it? It's a lovely tribute to our past president. It's not bad enough... ...Lincoln got shot in the head, we gotta drop our pants and sit on it too. It's just incomprehensible that you would buy a thing like this. You install it on your toilet seat. And this says what about you? I can't afford to throw money down the toilet, but look how close I am.

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I never figured out why they make these bizarre toilet seats. You know? Like those clear Lucite ones with all the coins in it? It's a lovely tribute to our past president. It's not bad enough... ...Lincoln got shot in the head, we gotta drop our pants and sit on it too. It's just incomprehensible that you would buy a thing like this. You install it on your toilet seat. And this says what about you? I can't afford to throw money down the toilet, but look how close I am.

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Play I never figured out why they make these bizarre toilet seats. You know? Like those clear Lucite ones with all the coins in it? It's a lovely tribute to our past president. It's not bad enough... ...Lincoln got shot in the head, we gotta drop our pants and sit on it too. It's just incomprehensible that you would buy a thing like this. You install it on your toilet seat. And this says what about you? I can't afford to throw money down the toilet, but look how close I am.

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The tuxedo is a woman's view that men are all the same. We might as well dress them that way. To me, a wedding is the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride... ...and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women... ...because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out... ...everybody takes one step over, and she marries the next guy. That's why the wedding vow isn't, "Do you take Bill Simpson?". It's, "Do you take this man?".

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The tuxedo is a woman's view that men are all the same. We might as well dress them that way. To me, a wedding is the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride... ...and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women... ...because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out... ...everybody takes one step over, and she marries the next guy. That's why the wedding vow isn't, "Do you take Bill Simpson?". It's, "Do you take this man?".

# shortcuts[].description
Play The tuxedo is a woman's view that men are all the same. We might as well dress them that way. To me, a wedding is the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride... ...and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women... ...because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out... ...everybody takes one step over, and she marries the next guy. That's why the wedding vow isn't, "Do you take Bill Simpson?". It's, "Do you take this man?".