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Keep Clerks II (2006) On Your Home Screen

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Randal Graves: That look was so gay. I thought Sam was gonna tell the little hobbits to take a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now *that* would have been an Academy Award worthy ending. Hobbit Lover: Hey faggot, they're not gay! They're hobbits! Randal Graves: And then, right after the Sam/Frodo suckfest, right before the credits roll, Sam fucking flat out bricks in Frodo's mouth.

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Randal Graves: That look was so gay. I thought Sam was gonna tell the little hobbits to take a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now *that* would have been an Academy Award worthy ending. Hobbit Lover: Hey faggot, they're not gay! They're hobbits! Randal Graves: And then, right after the Sam/Frodo suckfest, right before the credits roll, Sam fucking flat out bricks in Frodo's mouth.

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Play Randal Graves: That look was so gay. I thought Sam was gonna tell the little hobbits to take a walk so he could saunter over to Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now *that* would have been an Academy Award worthy ending. Hobbit Lover: Hey faggot, they're not gay! They're hobbits! Randal Graves: And then, right after the Sam/Frodo suckfest, right before the credits roll, Sam fucking flat out bricks in Frodo's mouth.

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Wife: Did he say 'cock stain'? What the fuck is cock stain? Husband: I don't know. That's some white freaky stuff. White boys get white women to do everything. You wanna do a cock stain?

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Wife: Did he say 'cock stain'? What the fuck is cock stain? Husband: I don't know. That's some white freaky stuff. White boys get white women to do everything. You wanna do a cock stain?

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Play Wife: Did he say 'cock stain'? What the fuck is cock stain? Husband: I don't know. That's some white freaky stuff. White boys get white women to do everything. You wanna do a cock stain?

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Dante Hicks: Have you become so embittered that you now feel the need to attack the handicapped? Randal Graves: What handicap? They guy's just in a wheelchair, it's not like he's Anne Frank or something. Dante Hicks: Anne Frank? Randal Graves: Yeah, Anne Frank. The chick that was all duhhh, till the miracle worker showed up and knocked some smarts into her. Dante Hicks: You're talking about Helen Keller. Randal Graves: No I'm not, I'm talking about Anne Frank. She was deaf, dumb and blind....

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Dante Hicks: Have you become so embittered that you now feel the need to attack the handicapped? Randal Graves: What handicap? They guy's just in a wheelchair, it's not like he's Anne Frank or something. Dante Hicks: Anne Frank? Randal Graves: Yeah, Anne Frank. The chick that was all duhhh, till the miracle worker showed up and knocked some smarts into her. Dante Hicks: You're talking about Helen Keller. Randal Graves: No I'm not, I'm talking about Anne Frank. She was deaf, dumb and blind....

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Play Dante Hicks: Have you become so embittered that you now feel the need to attack the handicapped? Randal Graves: What handicap? They guy's just in a wheelchair, it's not like he's Anne Frank or something. Dante Hicks: Anne Frank? Randal Graves: Yeah, Anne Frank. The chick that was all duhhh, till the miracle worker showed up and knocked some smarts into her. Dante Hicks: You're talking about Helen Keller. Randal Graves: No I'm not, I'm talking about Anne Frank. She was deaf, dumb and blind....

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Randal Graves: Dude, the Transformers sucked. Elias: Oh no they didn't, they're more than meets the eye.

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Randal Graves: Dude, the Transformers sucked. Elias: Oh no they didn't, they're more than meets the eye.

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Play Randal Graves: Dude, the Transformers sucked. Elias: Oh no they didn't, they're more than meets the eye.

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[Dante, Randal, Jay, Silent Bob, Elias and the Sexy Stud have been taken to a holding cell] Randal Graves: Jail cell design hasn't changed much in centuries, has it? Maybe it's time they brought in the laser bars, or something. Jay: Oh, they can make a hard plastic cage like Magneto's in X Men 2! Nauw. Randal Graves: Come on, dude, let's keep it in the real world, alright? But you know what wouldn't be a bad idea? Carbonite. What do you think, Dante? [Dante looks up and glares at him, then...

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[Dante, Randal, Jay, Silent Bob, Elias and the Sexy Stud have been taken to a holding cell] Randal Graves: Jail cell design hasn't changed much in centuries, has it? Maybe it's time they brought in the laser bars, or something. Jay: Oh, they can make a hard plastic cage like Magneto's in X Men 2! Nauw. Randal Graves: Come on, dude, let's keep it in the real world, alright? But you know what wouldn't be a bad idea? Carbonite. What do you think, Dante? [Dante looks up and glares at him, then...

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Play [Dante, Randal, Jay, Silent Bob, Elias and the Sexy Stud have been taken to a holding cell] Randal Graves: Jail cell design hasn't changed much in centuries, has it? Maybe it's time they brought in the laser bars, or something. Jay: Oh, they can make a hard plastic cage like Magneto's in X Men 2! Nauw. Randal Graves: Come on, dude, let's keep it in the real world, alright? But you know what wouldn't be a bad idea? Carbonite. What do you think, Dante? [Dante looks up and glares at him, then...

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Terrorists. I left the coffee pot on again didn't I. Shit. Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck. when my mom's home

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Terrorists. I left the coffee pot on again didn't I. Shit. Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck. when my mom's home

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Play Terrorists. I left the coffee pot on again didn't I. Shit. Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck. when my mom's home

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Randal Graves: How the fuck did you father a child with a chick that's not your fiancÃ©? Holy shit, she got pregnant off the toilet seat you jerked off onto! I fucking knew it!

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Randal Graves: How the fuck did you father a child with a chick that's not your fiancÃ©? Holy shit, she got pregnant off the toilet seat you jerked off onto! I fucking knew it!

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Play Randal Graves: How the fuck did you father a child with a chick that's not your fiancÃ©? Holy shit, she got pregnant off the toilet seat you jerked off onto! I fucking knew it!

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If I were you I'd spray paint eat pussy. across the side of the building in huge letters Why. Let 'em know you were there man. I'd rather let them know I'm not an asshole. Too late for that.

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If I were you I'd spray paint eat pussy. across the side of the building in huge letters Why. Let 'em know you were there man. I'd rather let them know I'm not an asshole. Too late for that.

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Play If I were you I'd spray paint eat pussy. across the side of the building in huge letters Why. Let 'em know you were there man. I'd rather let them know I'm not an asshole. Too late for that.

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You know sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life. instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me. I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. or find a new alien life form and fuck it And people'd be like There he goes.

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You know sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life. instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me. I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. or find a new alien life form and fuck it And people'd be like There he goes.

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Play You know sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life. instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me. I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. or find a new alien life form and fuck it And people'd be like There he goes.