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Home > Limmy's Homemade Show Soundboard
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Limmy's Homemade Show Soundboard

Limmy's Homemade Show Soundboard

Before Limmy made it onto BBC Scotland with Limmy's Show, he became known through his own rough-and-ready, funny homemade videos. When Limmy's Show stopped, Brian Limond took to Vine and YouTube, racking up millions of views for videos made on nothing more than his phone. Limmy's Homemade Show takes the DIY style of his homemade videos - the cast of one, the staying at home and losing his marbles, the going out and about and speaking his mind - and puts it on the telly. Limmy jumps from sketch to observation to nonsense. He takes you down to the Clydeside for a tour of Glasgow, and gets into an argument with himself. He plays some techno nursery rhymes on his synth. He shows you his toilet, and a particular tile that has been bothering him. Brian later beat his wife which led to divorce, and continues this behavior during his toxic streams where he advises others to beat their spouses.

A building that could staun a bomb getting dropped right on its heid
A doctor cannae help you, eh- There's nae help for you
A lot of good tutors online
A Ouija board is just a stupit idea, eh
A wee comedy talk
A wee reminder frae the past
Ah, but you see, that wisnae hard enough
Ahaha, he's doing it!
All away frae eating your family
All right
All right
All right- I'm Limmy
All right- Making a wee video. Right
And actually haud the trainer in my haun. But I cannae be arsed
And again and again,
And check it out today, then
And download the instructions, this was, like, I don't know how I found it
And go o'er there and pick it up
And he's away. Shut the door
And he's back
And I come by here. I think it would be nice to do a wee show here
And I don't know if you've ever been, but if you haven't,
And I just want to ask the question, what is comedy
And I know that isnae impressive, but managed to build
And I know what you're gonnae say,
And I'm here today to give a talk about comedy
And I'm just trying to work out, are they weans' trainers
And it just all..
And it's fine
And it's the weapons bit
And just go like that
And just see if something funny comes frae it
And maybe the reason is because I've seen people drop..
And pray to God for help, because you turned your back oan him, eh
And that's a good question
And then go like this..
And then I shut the door
And then when I open them, whatever trainers are there,
And then you put your other finger in, like that
And then you see my bike in the background there
And then, like, you sort of pick it up
And there's these steps here, these kind of seats,
And they drop the bomb in that..
And they were grieving outside,
And they're snapping their fingers in my face, like that, Where are ye- Where are ye
And this was their face
And turn it around again and again
And turn it around again and again..
And turn it around again,
And we'll be asking the question, what does it mean to be a good ally
And welcome to Limmy's Homemade Show
And you can see that I'm...I'm lying
And you cannae go to a priest or anything, you cannae go
And you freaked it, and then we stopped it right there
And you just happen to sort of turn it around
And you saw one of the grievers,
And you send everything back, we'll send you out a new box with instructions in it
And you were just going round and around and around,
And you were to see one of these funerals outside
And you'd be hypnotised
Are they, like, wee boys' trainers
Armed with, like...a wee bread knife
As you can see, I've no' really managed much
Aye. Aye, all right. There's nae bins
Because he'll just laugh us oot the place, but I need help, eh
Because I'm no' right in the heid, eh- Jamesie was right
Because it'd be right behind me, I'd be in front of it
Because they didnae include the instructions. They forgot
Because we cannae go on like this. I know, I know, all right
Big spitfire hanging above this elephant
Brian is a stupid idiot. Ahaha!
Brian is stupid. Hahaha!
Brian Limond, AKA Limmy,
Brian, right. Say, Brian is stupid
Brilliant. Thanks, cheers. Thanks, bye
Broad daylight and he had, like, a fast food, like,
But I don't get it. Nothing even happened, eh
But I don't know if a tiler..
But I don't... Jamesie was right
But I especially hate this wee tile here
But I know that if I don't, if I don't get up and check,
But I shouldnae have to no' dae that
But if you're not, what are you going to do to survive
But it isnae a laugh, eh- Because I cannae think straight
But it's a call-out charge, it's going to cost me time and
But look, it's placed just to the side
But maybe none of that will happen
But naebody does, naebody does anything with it
But that, hoor, that's...
But then I noticed that, see if I shut the door
But there's this one wee bit that I love in particular
But we cannae go on like this. What am I supposed to...
But what are you going to do when it does
But what if I was to tell you that just over there,
But what if you were to drive past
But you're still getting a bit of the backchat. You're still getting kind of..
But..
But...don't know
Cannibalism
Cheers, brother
Container sort of thing
Cos I cannae string two thoughts together, eh
Cos I'm all right, eh- Aye, well I'm no' all right, eh
Cos it's built like a castle
Cos of that Ouija board, eh- Yous talking about the Ouija board
Cos that's what will happen, by the way
Could always phone 'em. I'll phone
Could maybe fix it myself
Could you pick that up
Could you..
Could you... Pick that up
Cover it in a bit of bog roll
Cut him in hauf, man
Demons and that. Cos that's what I've got. Demons
DISCONCERTING ORGAN MUSIC
Do you ever do that
Do you ever, like, if you're trying to come up with ideas,
Do you know, he came in last night. I says, You are drunk!
Doctor Who, who
Doctor Who, who, who, who,
Doing wee squares or wee circles or something like that
Don't listen to him, mate, I'm telling you. I'm all right
Don't listen to him, mate. It's all your heid, eh
DOOR OPENS That's me back!
Down here, next to the... Just spotted this here,
DREAMLIKE MUSIC PLAYS ..and again and again,
Er, ach... Son, you're talking, just even for that, you're talking 50
Erm, I just like giving it a wee visit. Now and again
Erm, that's not really worth my time, to be honest
Erm... Hit yourself. Hit your face
Especially if you're in Glesga
Evaporated, just like that
Everybody agrees that a joke's comedy
Everybody looks like that when they look down. Big double chin
Everybody looks like that. No, I know, I know,
Everybody, he's hypnotised!
Excuse me
Excuse me
Excuse me
Excuse me, do you mind picking that up
Excuse me, I think my son would love to learn that
Excuse me, mate. You don't know where Central Station is, do you...
FEMININE VOICE- Ivy
Free entry
Fuck
Fuck off
Fucking pick it up!
Fucking pick that up
Funny faces, is that comedy
Get one of they two-handed swords, big two-hauner
Get oot. Get oot. Oot
Get out my house. All right
Get yourself over there anyway
Get yourself there
God willnae help you
Good boys
Good to maybe do one of they...do a wee talk
Grieving, in tears as they staun next to a hearse
Hate all the tiles, hate the colours,
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
HE CHANTS- Am na na hem na na am na na
HE CHANTS- Am na na hem na na am na na
HE FAKES SOBS
HE GROANS Hey!
HE GROWLS
HE GROWLS
He just dropped it right at his feet. He didn't even try to hide it
He played with a Ouija board just once and that finished him, eh
He says, Is a man no' allowed to have a drink
HE SIGHS
He thinks he can take you because you're just being cheeky
HE TUTS
He wasn't drunk
He... Yeah, he approves of that. OK
He's got nae reason to help you, eh
Hello- Hello, is this the tiler
Hello, erm, I'm looking to just get a wee tile job done
Hello, tiler here
Here
Here
Here in Glesga
Here in Glesga
Here, mate, that type of music isn't my type of thing usually,
Here. On this path
Here. Pick that up!
Hey
Hey, guys. On today's show,
Hey!
HEY! Ah!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey. THUMP
Hi, guys, my name's Limmy
Hope you liked it. And I hope to see you again soon
How can you no' tell- You're right next to them
How come the last ones were cream, then
How hard is it for them to remember to put the instructions in the box
How would I go about that
I can see he's not so sure, that's OK
I can't... I don't know how to do it
I cannae go to the doctor and ask for help
I cannae...I don't know what to do
I caught this other thing on the camera
I couldn't see a..
I do think it's disgusting
I don't care what you do, if it's pills or something like that,
I don't care. Oot. Oot. Oot my house
I don't know how I'm gonnae cope!
I don't know what I'm gonnae dae
I don't know what I'm gonnae dae. Don't think about it
I don't know what I'm gonnae dae. I'm terrified, eh
I don't know why but it does my nut in
I don't know, son. I don't come out for just one wee tile
I don't want you thinking this is something I've made up for a laugh
I don't... I don't think..
I e-mailed them and said, Could you send us the instructions
I hate this, this is my toilet. I hate the tiles in here
I just said, Is there anybody there
I just think it's all in your heid, eh
I keep getting into trouble in work because I cannae think straight
I knew a boy where I grew up,
I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating, I'm not
I know where I'd rather be
I know, but I just thought it would be a laugh, eh
I know, I know, but I changed my mind. I just said that to get you out
I know, shut up, fuck off... I don't care what it is,
I know, that's what I was trying to tell you
I like looking at the paintings and they've got this, er,
I look down at the mirror and I see my face and I'm just like..
I mean, they look kind of wee and stubby, like wee boys' trainers
I mean, what if you were drawing that spiral
I must have made a wee mistake somewhere, cos..
I open the door
I saw this guy in Partick once
I think it's open seven days a week
I told you, you wasted your time by getting me out
I want to show you something. This will cheer you up
I was actually out for a cycle
I was like, Can you no' just send us...- Oh, just forget it
I was right. I thought I was going mental there, but they are blue
I'd like to just fix it myself but I don't..
I'd want to get... I want to get a tiler out
I'll be honest with you, but that, that's a different class
I'll phone and I'll see
I'll take that tile aff the wall and..
I'll take your heid off, mate
I'm a comedian
I'm daein' it!
I'm going, son
I'm gonnae have to go and check
I'm gonnae have to have another check, 'mon
I'm gonnae lose my job, eh- I'm gonnae lose my job,
I'm gonnae shut my eyes, I'm gonnae count to three,
I'm here, writing down ideas for stuff
I'm just down next to the suspension bridge here in Glesga,
I'm just gonnae leave you wi' a joke
I'm just looking at these trainers, here
I'm legally entitled to f...in stab you, mate
I'm no'. I'm no'. Look
I'm not exaggerating, by the way
I'm out having a wee walk
I'm out having a wee walk
I'm out having a wee walk here
I'm telling you, I need help, eh
I've no' been able to dae my work
I've seen myself like this before, but..
I've went past and I've looked, and there's been people outside,
If you can just make that whole... What, just the one tile- No, you..
If you don't like it, don't go, Am na na hem na na am na na
If you ever actually saw somebody drop litter..
If you're going to act hard,
If you're lucky, you and your family will get wiped out
In fact, it wouldn't even be that. It would be this
Is for me to actually get up aff my fat arse
Is it in my bag- Gonnae have a look
Is that funny
Is that funny- Is that comedy
Is that funny- That's comedy
Is that it
Is this comedy
Is this comedy, what I'm doing right now
Is this... Is this comedy
It is gonnae..
It is- Oh, thank God
It is. Hello
It kind of looks a bit like a lecture theatre, as well
It was broad daylight
It was like this, it was like this..
It wasn't at the weekend, on Saturday night
It'll probably all work itself out, always does. But, erm..
It's a nice teddy
It's all about to kick off again
It's all in your heid, mate. I need help, eh
It's all in your heid. It's all in your heid
It's brilliant
It's disgusting
It's fucking disgusting
It's good for weans and they've got a wee church bit
It's good, isn't it
It's got to be the most important..
It's in a building that's still stauning,
It's just a Ouija board. It's no' real. It's just a board game, eh
It's just hard to tell
It's just... It's just one wee tile. It's nothing... It's nothing much
It's kind of like one of they spirals
It's never been this bad. Right, listen, forget about that
It's no' special effects or anything like that, it actually happened
It's no' supposed to be funny. It's no' made up
It's perfect except for one wee thing
It's pointing at me. Yourself- Aye
It's right next to the toilet. It's just..
It's split into three..
It's that there. It's your bike
It's the mirror on it
It's this here
Ivy, gonnae do us a favour, is my purse there
Ivy, what is she wearing-!
Just about here, there's something no' quite right
Just behind where you're sitting, there's a church,
Just cut him in hauf, right down the middle
Just get yourself familiar with it
Just look online
Just out and about filming myself, making stuff up,
Just round about here. What is it
Just sort of worked it out. Look
Just step out, just walk in a straight line for us
Just stick... What
Just tell the guy to pick it up
Just the one- Aye. So it's just a tiny wee job, it's, erm..
Just this wee blue tile that's split into three. I just want that fixed
Just to the side, just to really help you see it
Just to...just to pay you a visit
Just wanted to do a wee introduction
Just watching this video again, this little one
Just wondering
Just, what I do normally is I film a lot of stuff, just me waffling on,
Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum
Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum
Kind of looks a wee bit like a theatre
Like a chippie or something. And he just dropped it
Like that
Like this
Like, every time I pick up the table to move it,
Listen, here's what I'm gonnae dae
Litter
Look at this T-shirt. Does that look dirty
Looks quite dirty, doesn't it- These wee bits, here
LOW VOICE- Is that you back, hen
Maybe get a wee bit of bog roll
Maybe none of that will happen
Miles away
Mind you, because, erm..
Money to get out here, and petrol,
MUSIC STOPS Phone a fucking ambulance!
My God, what is she wearing
My memory... My memory's went to pot. Am I going mental here
My washing machine does something to the... See there
Nah, it isnae comedy. OK, we can agree that that isnae comedy
Nice teddy and everything, but I don't want it. Just sort of bugs us
Nice, big wardrobe. Managed to build the whole thing myself
No
No way, he's hypnotised!
NO-O-O!
No, it would go more like this
No, no, I cannae...I cannae be bothered
No, not 50p, I don't think I'd be paying a mortgage off
No!
No!
No. Hey!
No' really much to show you here
No' very often you see anybody alang here taking pictures
Not that we need reminding,
Nothing even happened. Aye, but something did happen, eh
Now it looks all scripted. That couldnae be in a worse place
Now what you going to do- What are you going to do
Och, it's this...it's this table
Oh
Oh, fuck off!
Oh, hi!
Oh, I see what it is
Oh, that's beautiful
Oh, you're here, good. Erm..
Oh. Oh, he's away. All right
OK, OK, well, you just tell me where you are and I'll come out
OK, son, if you can just step out the car
OK, son... Oot
OK, well, thanks for listening to my talk, everybody
One of them greeting their eyes out, crying,
One thing that isn't good though is,
One,
Oot my house
Open it
Or a chapel, a cathedral, and they have funerals there
Or are they normal size, like, grown-up trainers
Or if you're writing down, might be writing something,
ORGAN MUSIC STARTS UP
ORGAN MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
People could do wee shows here, like, wee stand-up shows and..
Perfect, isn't it
Phone an ambulance! Turn the music off
Pick it up
Pick it up!
Pick it up!
Pick it up!
Pick that up
Protect protect your wean
Protect your family
Right, 'mon, we're gonnae have to get up again, 'mon
Right, 'mon. 'Mon, let's have a look. 'Mon
Right, I see, well, how much will it be just to fix that one tile
Right, look at this
Right, now..
Right, see, see, I WAS right
Right, so laughing at a funeral's all right,
Right, so looks like they're grown-up trainers efter all
Right, so, what it is, it's just this one tile here
Right, well, a bigger job. The whole room, then
Right, you need to sort this out
Runs for your wean, you just go..
See if it was actually right behind me, you wouldnae be able to see it,
See it's sort of..
See you later
See, that's not going to work
See, that's what I was saying to you
Sharon
Sharon, you in, hen
Shields, helmets, armour, gauntlets
Shut the door
SLURS- I'm fine
SLURS- This is ridiculous. One, two, three
So I just did the whole thing myself,
So it's just this one tile I just need fixed
So now you know I'm no' out for a walk. I'm lying
So that actually happened the day
So you want to watch that
Somebody could come up to you and go like that
Somebody there
Someone there
Something no' quite right with it
Something no' quite right with it, just at the beginning, here
Son, that isn't going to be worth your while
Split into three
STAIRS CREAK QUIETLY
STAIRS CREAK QUIETLY
Swords, actual swords
SYNTH MELODY
Take a look
Talks to himself now, eh
TECHNO BEAT
Thank you
Thanks. You think it would just go like that
That costs money
That is gonnae drive me mental for months. So I'm gonnae get up
That is gonnae drive me mental. I know what I'm like
That isn't that good
That they use to hypnotise you
That they're grown-up trainers. You can tell now
That, every now and again, it can all just..
That... Naebody cares!
That's a wee bit better, that's a wee bit better,
That's actually right out the washing machine
That's all right
That's been two weeks now and I... There's something no' right with me
That's brilliant!
That's brilliant. How do you do that
That's comedy, isn't it, son
That's cos I know it's just a laugh, eh
That's cos that's what it used to be,
That's disgusting, isn't it
That's it. All the way out
That's no' how they looked before
That's not bad
That's the name of my talk. What is comedy
That's the trainers they are
That's what you look like if you put the wrang camera on your phone,
That's where I'll be heading
That's why I didnae go anywhere near it, eh
The demons and that, eh
The front door of the museum, you just go like that..
The last ones were blue. Am I...
The mair you think about it, he worse it's gonnae get, eh
The only way for me to be definitely sure
The reason why I'm doing a wee intro here is because it isnae a sketch,
The second you played wi' a Ouija board,
The talking stops. People stop talking
The trainers sitting on top of that cabinet thing
The whole thing here is, it's meant to be me
The whole thing myself without looking at the instructions
The whole toilet. If you want to come out
Then I'll just be sitting about the house all day, eh
Then open it again
Then they'll really get to me, won't they
There we are. Not a prob..
There's just that wee tile but, no, the whole room, then, aye
There's my bed
There's nae help for you
There's nothing you can dae. There's nothing you can dae
They say it's good for your mental health to have a wee walk
They say it's good for your mental health, to have a wee walk
They were blue. They are blue
They're no' putting on a funny face, this is their actual face
They've got a big organ that this guy sometimes plays
They've got this bit with all these weapons and armour frae a long
Thing like that, just, one of they cannibals
This is Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum
This is my bedroom
This is something I managed to capture
This one with the..
This programme contains some strong language and adult humour
This used to be a bandstand, here
This video that I'm about to show you here is..
This wisnae the kind of shop where you could go onto their website
Thought I left it on the bus
Three
THUMP
THUMP Hey
THUMP Hey
THUMP Heya
THUMPING BEAT
THUMPING BEAT
Time ago and it's like a wee reminder frae the past
To get me out just for the one..
Trying to keep all the, trying to keep them
Two,
Unbelievable. Unreal
Under the rubble of your house
Up the road
Wait a minute
Wait a minute one... One tile
Wait a minute. They were... They look completely..
Wait a minute..
Wait a wee second
Wardrobe
Wardrobe
We cannae go on like this! You need to speak to somebody..
We should never have meddled with a Ouija board
We should never have meddled with a Ouija board, eh
We'll be looking at call-out culture in online spaces,
We've never done it up since we moved in
Wee daggers, wee daggers that one of they cannibals breaks through
Well, come here and I'll show you. Sit down
Well, everybody, that's the end of Limmy's Homemade Show
Well, I told you... Oot my house
Were they
Were they cream
What
What about if I do this
What about this, is this comedy
What are you going to do when it does
What can you say to the guy
What I mean is, assembled it, right, flatpack furniture, right,
What is comedy
What is comedy- Is this comedy
What is that
What you taking pictures of
What you taking pictures of, mate- What's that
What yous talking about- People are coming up to me
What- Oh, nae bother. Nae bother
What're you going to do then
What're you going to do to survive
What's happened to my face- But everybody looks like that
What's up
What's your name- Brian. Or Limmy
When I charge 50p. £50
When you meddle wi' a Ouija board, you've turned your back on God, eh
When you meddle wi' a Ouija board..
When you meddle with a Ouija board,
While filming something else
While I was filming me waffling on,
WHISPERS- Hey
WHISPERS- Hey
Whit
Who are you calling a hoor
Who you talking to
Who's there- Doctor Who
Whole thing
Wi' that thing
You and your family are going to huddle together
You can see, you can definitely see fae here now,
You can sit in to just kind of relax and, och, I just love it
You cannae start acting all hard when you've just said,
You end up just sort of doodling
You go like that
You got a problem, son
You know, it would be something like that
You look down and you've got the big double chin
You meddle with a Ouija board,
You might be wondering,
You open up a portal to the spirit world, eh
You put your finger like that, like a wee kind of hoop
You said it was going to be the whole room
You should get a wee visit an' all
You should never have brought it o'er, eh
You think I'd be able to just go like this, look..
You think you're just going to go like this- Look. Here
You turned your back on God, eh
You want to watch yourself wi' this, though. Spirals
You, sir, knock, knock
You..
You'd be out and about in a highly suggestible state
You'd get a wee grumble
You're going to have to act hard frae the start
You're meddling with the spirit world and demons and that, eh
You're no' being hard
You're off your heid. Aye
You're wasting... Get oot my house
You're welcome, brother
You've got a problem... Get oot my house
You've got to be a wee bit more like this. Look
You've got to be more like this, look
50 quid-! 50 quid just to fix that one tile
50p- That's not bad. That's fine. Oh, 50p-!
..and then open the door..
..it's all going to kick off again, isn't it
..kick off
..kicks off
..pick that up
..say, Brian is a stupid idiot
..take your heid aff wi' it
..that whatdoyoumacallit, Faslane
..this guy appears
..this wee thin one at the side, here
..would do a wee job like that
# A big fat hen
# A pocketful of posies
# Ah, ah, ah Achoo
# Ah, ah, ah Achoo
# Ah, ah, ah Achoo
# Ah, ah, ah Achoo
# Ah, ah, ah Achoo
# Ah, ah, ah, ah Achoo
# Ah. #
# Atishoo Atishoo
# Atishoo, atishoo
# Atishoo, atishoo
# Atishoo, atishoo
# Because he can't work any faster
# Because he can't work any faster
# Because he can't work any faster
# Because he can't work any faster
# Because he can't work any faster
# Because he can't work any faster
# Buckle my shoe
# Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, pakaw!
# Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, pakaw!
# Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, pakaw!
# Cluck, cluck, cluck, pakaw! #
# Faster, faster
# Faster, faster, faster
# Faster, faster, faster,
# Faster, faster, faster, faster
# Faster, faster, faster, faster
# Faster, faster, faster, faster
# Faster, faster, faster, faster... #
# Five, six, pick up sticks
# Five, six, pick up sticks
# He shall earn but a penny a day
# Johnny shall have a new master
# N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-ine
# Nine, ten, nine, ten
# Nine, ten, nine, ten
# Nine, ten, nine, ten
# Nine, ten, nine, ten
# Nine, ten, nine, ten, nine, ten, nine, ten, nine, ten
# One, two, buckle my shoe
# One, two, one, two, one, two
# One, two, one, two, one, two
# One, two, one, two, one, two
# One, two, one, two, one, two
# Penny a day, day Penny a day, day
# Penny a day, day Penny a day, day
# Ring a ring o' roses
# Ring a ring o' roses
# Seesaw Margery Daw
# Seven, eight, lay them straight
# Seven, eight, lay them straight
# Three, four, knock at the door
# Three, four, knock at the door
# We all fall down
# We all fall down
# We all fall down
# We all fall down
# We all fall down

Viral
Funny