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Home > Citizen Khan Soundboard
A late addition, a charity auction. Oh, come on!
A man doesn't care what his bride is wearing
A single man, lives on his own,
A stupid woman with a big bum
A tribal nation, ready to defend our family honour
A water buffalo with lipstick
A-ha! Here we are
Aah, assalaamu alaikum. Mr Mohammed, how are you doing
Absolutely not. Shazia, these things are best left to the professionals
Accompany him, like proper businessman!
Actually, ladoo, I don't really want to go. The bullies might be there
Actually, Mr Khan, I was going to sit there. Well, sit somewhere else
After all, we have Kim Kardashian
Ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
Ah, here is Mr Khan now
Ah, see- All back, safe and sound
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah! Asalaam Alaikum
Ah! We meet at last
Ah. I tell you. I love this girl
Ah. That's got it
Ahhh
Alia, go and pack your bags
Alia, go get Monopoly for Mrs Malik, huh
Alia, sweetie, you can't be a model. What about your exams
Alia, take Brian into the kitchen. You can interview her there
Alia, what are you doing- Put that away
Alia, your mother is upset. Bring fresh cup of tea
Alia's already a model. A model of a perfect Muslim daughter!
Alia's trip is part of her studies
ALL BESIDES MR KHAN- Oooh!
ALL BESIDES MR KHAN- Wa alaikum assalam. Hello, Dave
All for show, no doubt
All proceeds going to the charity appeal fund
All right, don't take it SO seriously!
All right! Put her down, will you
All right. Good, smashing, smashing, smashing
All right. Well, then, goodbye, Mrs Malik
All the centres
ALL the people of Sparkhill
All those in favour
All those... Motion carried
ALL- Oooh!
Almost like a son, she is!
Am I going to get a parking space
Am I- Yes, of course! Look at you
Amjad
Amjad doesn't need parenting lessons from you
Amjad forgot to book the mosque- I don't believe it
AMJAD SOBS
AMJAD SOBS Come on! Come on!
Amjad, Amjad, Amjad
Amjad, come over here
Amjad, I'm trying to teach you how to stand up to bullies
Amjad, if you want to be intimate, just text her. That's what I'd do. Isn't it, sweetie
Amjad, you have to stand up to bullies
Amjad! Come on, bid!
Amjad. Thank you, sir
Amjad... Oh, hello, Debbie Does Doncaster
Amjad's got something to tell you!
And
And a silly, old-fashioned suit
And anyway, you can't go around impersonating mosque managers
And Auntie Noor's coming with me as my chaperone!
And booked her parents to go on holiday with them
And bring one for her too
And everyone says, Wow, that Mr X, he's a very generous man
And explain everything about...you know, tang tang
And he looks more like Baa Baa Brown Sheep
And he's really into the cricket and he might try to get you to watch
And his pads. And his helmet
And how she should be a model. Even the imam
And how to be a better Muslim
And I am not going on holiday with Mr Khan,
And I couldn't find any little brown people,
And I don't want to see that thing round here again, all right
And I don't want you getting your claws into him
And I realise he's my one true love
And I start running towards them, and we run faster and faster
And I will do it... Er, I have done it. It's booked, done
And I would have to kill myself
And I'm paying for this bloody wedding, don't forget
And iron my shirts
And it'll all be tickety-boo
And look out for our neighbours
And make sure you sit down! I don't want any splashes!
And Mr Zaheer is finally having his procedure done
And no charge for baby-sitting today
And plastic surgery
And shame
And she's clever and funny
And spying on your neighbours
And sweet, and kind
And that funny bloke at number 28 has had his extension out too
And that, inside, they're just cowards
And the dance area could go..
And the next thing you know, the covers are off,
And then I see someone running towards me along the beach
And then next spring, out popped little Shazia
And then ****stan won!
And then there would be cancellation. I know this!
And then we meet and I look up at him
And then we tried that thing I read in Woman's Own. Oh, God!
And there's an amazing club near the campsite. It's going to be wicked
And they just need a firm hand. Argh!
And they might not vote to name the community room after you
And they said they'd never seen results like it!
And this one not so much
And to be honest, I don't find him all that... How can I put this
And Travel Agency has made a very generous donation to the mosque
And use the facilities here
And we all get on really well, don't we
And we had to work out whodunnit
And we listened for two hours on my transistor radio
And we stayed in that rickety old caravan. I can't remember
And what about our honeymoon, have you thought about it
And what's your name, young man
And you are- Mr Khan, community leader
And you can get to know each other better
And you can't look after yourself any more- Hmm- Hmm
And you just get on with your studies
And you might think, Well, there's no harm in watching
And you, my darling
And you've been caught out by his googlie!
And- What
And, anyway, she'll be home later and you'll see for yourself
Any advance on a thousand pounds- Anyone
Any time I came within 500 metres of their house
Any woman would be lucky to have you
Anyone for a virgin mojito
Anyway, I must be going
Anyway, Mrs K only goes and suggests nappies!
Anyway, she won't be thinking that for much longer
APPLAUSE
Are they not- No. Boys are bad. They only have one thing on their minds
Are you coming to the Women's Group day trip- No!
Are you going to bid- In a minute
Are you going to say something
Are you texting someone- No. I'm praying to Mecca
Are you the one with the extension out
Aren't you forgetting something
As it is, she's always looking down her nose at us,
As you all know, Mr Butt, proprietor of Butt's Luxury Carpet Emporium
Asalaam Alaikum, Mr Khan. Waleikum asalaam, Riaz. What are you up to
Ask anybodys, they all know me
Ask not what your association can do for you,
Ask your father. He's in charge of the house today
Assalaamu alaikum, Mr Khan. Wa alaikum assalam, Riaz
Assalaamu alaikum, Mr Mohammed. You all right- How's Mrs Mohammed
At a Turkish beach resort
At last. Thank God for that. Now, on to the agenda
Aww, there you go! Thanks!
Baas. CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY
Baby-and-toddler turnover is up 200% in a week
Bathroom now only open between 7-00 and 8-30
Because I'm white- Because you're ginger
Because if Mrs Khan comes, then that also means that Mr Khan comes,
Because it costs money!
Because let me tell you, Mrs Khan, they certainly do
Because you were watching the cricket
Before Shazia gets married
Best thing for you to do is just apologise for everything
Bet you can't wait to get away
Better take two, huh- Indian restaurant
BHANGRA MUSIC
Bit of a mix-up, you're not coming on holiday with us
Blimey!
Bloody cheek!
Bloody hell! Thank you, a proper bid at last
Bloody Maldives-!
Book the mosque, but you, oh, no..
BOTH- Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
BOTH- What-!
Boys- I didn't know anything about boys
Brian Halcox, store manager. I'm your lovely wife's boss
Brian said he would consider letting Alia do her work
Brian says I could be management material
Brilliant
Budhoo, Mum thinks her and Dad are coming instead of Matt and Debbie
Bully me. Bully you, sir- Yes, come on. Bully me. Goad me
Burying dead people. Oh, of course
But apart from that..
But I didn't ask for help for my wife's leaky plumbing
But I might want someone to hold my hand
But I only have room for one, so..
But I thought Shazia was as happy about this as I am
But I'm bursting
But I'm the mosque manager now. Look, Dave, this is the mosque AGM
But if you did it properly, it's easy peasy
But it was actually very easy
But it's for my use only
But it's not my birthday for another three months!
But Mr Malik takes Mrs Malik to lovely places
But no Mattay, just Debbay!
But one day you might decide that you do like...cricket
But one day you realise there are other things in the world
But one day, you might meet somebody, let's say a boy,
But she can't wander round London by herself
But she won't find out, though. Will she
But she... But you... And I..
But she's a bit better
But that's not for hours. Chup
But that's not very career-oriented
But the nursery is on the other side of the Stratford Road
But then he shows you his bat
But then people might think you are a bit stingy
But there's a problem
But there's plenty of food
But they just wouldn't leave me alone
But this is our rainy day money. We can't spend it on holidays
But we have to set a good example for Mo
But we were up all night anyway
But what about your work experience- This IS for her work experience
But what have you done for me lately
But what you have to remember is, is that boys are not like girls
But who's she with
But you can't be a proper Muslim, you see
But, sir, I don't like violence
But, sir, I don't want to get into trouble
But... Chup. Dad! Chup!
By the way, I found our old swimming costumes from Great Yarmouth, 1988
Bye-bye!
Bye, Shazia. Bye, Amjad
Call me a few names. I don't think I can, sir
CAMERA CLICKS
Can I get away with this, with the right accessories
Can you come upstairs for a minute- OK
Can't we have this later- We've got more important things to do
CASH REGISTER RINGS
Catch it, budhoo!
Catchy, no
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE £2,500 from Mr Khan!
Chill out. Come on
Chillax, sweetie
Chillax, sweetie. It's all tickety-boo. All sorted
Chillax, sweetie. It's all under control...ooh!
Chillax! Everything will be OK!
Chillax. I'm only joking
Chup
Chup! Amjad is a very lucky..
Come in, Debbie
Come on, Alia, choppity chop!
Come on, Amjad. Um... What's the problem
Come on! Come on!
Community leader
Community leader!
Community Room and Corporate Hospitality Suite. VIP Only
Comprende
CONTINUES HUMMING
Could be something you did, something you didn't do,
Could I have some money- Of course
Course you can. Very good, very good
Cricket
Cricket- Yes
Dad, you need to talk to Mum
Dad, you're such a cheapskate. It's embarrassing. Chup!
Dad! Oh, God!
Darling, your favourite gulab jamun is home!
DAVE CLEARS HIS THROAT
Dave, I love you. You great big ginger beer!
Dave, I told you, stop the going. It's ringing. Last chance. Anyone else at all. Come on!
Debbie Does Doncaster Debbie
Depends on the size of the bullies
Did anyone watch News At Ten last night
Did you hear that, DI Mo
Do you know what stopped me
Do you know where he's taking her this year
Do you like it- It still fits!
Do you see- Sort of. Good
Doesn't matter. Auntie Noor!
Doing her homework or praying or some such thing
Don't be ridiculous
Don't be ridiculous
Don't forget item three on the agenda, vote for me
Don't go anywhere!
Don't need exams to be rich and famous
Don't panic, Captain Mainwaring!
Don't pick on him, Dad. He gets enough of that at nursery
Don't play the innocent with me. I know what you're like
Don't put yourself down, Keith. You're a very attractive man
Don't spend money. Now, that's ****stani invention
Don't stop reading, Alia, it's a big book
Don't tell me how it ends, eh
Don't tell me it's bloody lino
Don't tell me, it's Mr Mohammed, isn't it
Don't worry about letting the Maliks know. See
Don't worry, Amjad, you'll get there one day
Don't worry, Beti
Don't worry, I'm fine
DOORBELL
DOORBELL
Dubai, three weeks, just the two of them
Eh- That would be so amazing
Especially the dodgy ones
Even better, no chance of drowning. Safety first, eh
Even if it's loads of money,
Even though she's brown
Every shop we went into, they said how incredible Alia looked
EVERYONE GASPS
Everyone will just think it's the government spying on Muslims again
Everything all right- Yes, thank you
Everything's a bargain basement deal
Exactly
Exactly. We're going to have to pay for someone to come in
Except with this little one
EXCITED CHATTER
Experience at the supermarket
Fair enough. Someone needs to tell your mum
Families need to be more close knit, like ****stani ones
Fine. But be quick
First things first, apologies for absence
For Mrs Khan. She'd love to see me in my old swimsuit again
For my daughter's wedding
For their day trips, and bigger ladies' toilets
For watching the cricket
Future president of the Sparkhill ****stani Business Association
Genius!
Getting him ready for the holiday
Girls, what do you think
Give me your lunch money
Go on
Go on, be a good daughter for once, help your mother
God, Mrs Bilal!
Going to New York, I'll tell everyone about your nappy scam. What
Good, because if you hadn't, we might've lost the slot. I know
Good, eh- Just like Adam Peaty, the Olympic swimmer
Good, good. And what about the imam- Did you mention my name
Good, huh- The renaming of the community room
Good! Honeymoon is English invention
Got it... Oh no, I dropped it!
Got to go, laters
Great head for business, too
Great Yarmouth, wasn't it- No
Great. Brian
Great. Nice hat. Thank you
Great. Swimming was absolutely fine with no problems at all
Ha-ha! Just clear off, pal,
Ha-ha! Mwah!
Hang on a minute, Dave. Call him back. How
Hang on a minute, what are you doing here
Hang on, that's my phone
Hang on... Too late! But I... It's all arranged
Hannibal. HE GROWLS
Has he gone
Have a wonderful time and try not to fall out of any rides
Have we changed their names
Have you been watering down the washing-up liquid
Have you had tea- Yes, thank you, sir
Have you seen...Keith
Have you spoken to the boy's father- Yes. And
Have you thought any more about where we're going on our holidays this year
HE BANGS HIS GAVEL
He bullied me
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT LOUDLY
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT NOISILY
He didn't want to miss the auction so he sent me in his place
HE GULPS
HE HACKS
HE HACKS
HE HACKS AGAIN
He has a very limited mental capacity, that boy
He has nothing to do with the mosque
HE HUMS
HE HUMS DELILAH
He just didn't want to put his hand in his pocket
HE LAUGHS
He only had to do one thing
He probably got them off the back of a lorry
He said no matter what anybody bids, he's going to bid more
HE SIGHS
HE SIGHS
HE SIGHS
HE SIPS LOUDLY
HE SPLUTTERS AND COUGHS
He took an aptitude test
He was right about that
He was spying on me earlier with a drone
HE YELPS
He'll love you more for saving money
He's a bit upset because my daughter doesn't want to marry him any more
He's asked me to accompany him to the next meeting
He's here to fix the photocopier
He's our technical wizard. Him- That's what I used to do back in Somalia
He's taking Mo for his swimming lesson today,
He's very close to the management, very influential
Hello
Hello- Daddy
Hello-!
Hello, Amjad. Sorry for using your printer, sir. Completely fine
Hello, Brian
Hello, hello, hello
Hello, hello, hello!
Hello, I'm home! HE CLEARS HIS THROAT NOISILY
Hello, ladoo
Hello, Mr Khan speaking. What
Hello, Mrs Khan. How are you
Hello, sir. Amjad, what are you doing here- Daddy sent me
Hello, sir. Amjad, what are you doing here- I've come to see Shazia
Hello, sweetie!
Hello, sweetie. How's it going- Good- Good
Hello! Mr Khan, community leader!
Help! I can't sw-i-i-i-m!
Here she is
Here, have this
Here, use my phone. Are you sure, sir
Hey, big spender. Any advance on 2,500
Hey, I like your...hairclip
Hey, make a note of that one, WPC Nadia
Hm! Hm!
Hmm
Hold on! Yes!
Hold your horses!
Honestly, Mr Khan, if you were that desperate,
Hope I can count on your vote, sir
House looks nice
How did it go with Mo
How do you mean- Right, I'll show you. Hang on
How does he know about that
How is Bradford better than Dubai
How many husbands has she gone through now- Four
How's the car- The Mercedes, eh
Huh!
I always chaired the meeting when Mr Qureshi was here
I am taking the minutes of the meeting on the computer
I am the proper manager
I am!
I assure you there is absolutely no danger of that
I bet they haven't
I blame the father
I blame the immigrants
I blame the parents, too
I bought these for the winter, saves on central heating. Ha-ha!
I call it NWA
I can get you a good deal. Where was it you and Mum used to go
I can't do that if you don't bully me. I don't know what to say
I can't remember his number. It's in my phone! No, it isn't. It is!
I could have had a glamorous career in modelling
I don't just blame the immigrants, sweetie
I don't know how I'd manage without her
I don't know who to feel more sorry for
I don't know. She might. How
I don't like cricket. I know. And that's good
I don't suppose you have an espresso machine
I don't think my hand's very firm, sir
I don't think so
I don't think so. It's dead boring. You're right. It is
I don't understand, sir. It's about keeping a cool head,
I don't want her saying things about my plastic covers
I don't want to see you or that stupid drone near my house
I feel really bad saying this, but, you know,
I got them all
I have a dream, a song to sing
I have to ring him on my mobile and do the telephone bidding
I haven't got time to think about holidays
I haven't had a beach holiday since Great Yarmouth, 1988
I haven't received any texts
I hear it gets quite chilly in New York at this time of year. Brrr!
I just need some me time
I just thought, wedding, mosque, something didn't feel right
I just want to say thank you, sir
I knew it! She hates us
I know a good place family-run guest house in Bradford
I know it sounds expensive, but I've found a really good deal
I know what's really happened here!
I know you can hear me. He can't. Can you, sir
I know, let's go back to Great Yarmouth
I know. I know it was meant to be a surprise. It's a surprise all right
I know. Let's play a game
I mean after the cricket. You wore your ****stan top
I mean on Alia's trip. Boys are going too
I mean, Debbie. Amjad..
I mean, Mr X bids in the auction,
I meant where we're going to go
I might even get my own parking space at the mosque!
I must say, I didn't expect you to outbid Mr Malik like that
I nearly drowned then as well
I need a lift to work. I'm on the afternoon shift
I need to talk to you about booking the mosque
I need your staff discount card
I never got to go on a summer camp
I observe the five pillars. And anyway, doesn't the Koran teach us
I preferred Mo and Nadia
I probably shouldn't tell you this, but earlier on, Noor told me
I said chup! Is this not bloody working-!
I said I was thrown into the Jehlam River
I said stop it now, Mrs Khan!
I see. Wait a minute
I sent you the e-mail. That was from you
I should've known
I spoke to that guy over there for ten minutes, he was lapping it up
I tell you what why don't you go home,
I think I might have run out of credit. What
I think my heart has stopped. I'm dead! You've killed me!
I think you might be being a teeny bit racist, Mr Khan
I thought I heard the doorbell. Will it be Auntie Noor
I thought I was chairing the meeting
I thought I'd just, er, pop round and say hello
I thought that was one of those dodgy Nigerian con artists
I thought you said we had to stand up to bullies. Did I
I thought you said you can't spend money on holidays
I thought you said you could swim, sir
I thought you used to go there before we were... No
I told you as soon as we had the date for the wedding,
I tried breathing in, but I almost died
I used to get all the boys. I tried not to
I used up all my battery trying to download the praying to Mecca app
I want no backchat from anyone!
I want to look nice
I want you to stay away from Alia. She's a good girl
I wanted to talk to you
I was just looking for the prayer mats
I was just wondering if I could use your loo
I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow
I will not let you ruin Alia's life the same way my father ruined mine
I will sell, make no mistake. Hang on, Dave. Amjad, say something!
I wish I was more like you, a better dad. Oh, Amjad,
I wouldn't know. He's not obsessed with money, like some people
I'd come and see if you need a hand with yours. Aw, thanks
I'd like to call this Annual General Meeting
I'll get it it'll be Auntie Noor with Alia
I'll make up some excuse to get her round to yours
I'm back!
I'm busy. Talk to someone else. Like who
I'm coming
I'm delighted to make the acquaintance
I'm going to grab a coffee
I'm in our room, hurry up! OK, I'm coming
I'm just freshening it up. Mrs Malik is coming round with Amjad tomorrow
I'm just going to see a man about a patio
I'm making a list of complaints about you, you know
I'm making space next to the sink so you can fix it
I'm Mr Khan, community leader
I'm not good enough for her
I'm not having Alia stacking shelves with a bunch of losers
I'm not supposed to. Brian is very strict about these things
I'm not sure mine will fit, sweetie
I'm not sure that's going to help
I'm paying for your bloody wedding. On the cheap!
I'm really sorry, Mr Khan, but the mosque is booked
I'm sorry
I'm sure they'll understand
I'm taking her to New York. No, you're bloomin' not
I'm talking about non-violent resistance,
I'm telling you about my daughter's wedding,
I'm telling you, she's not that great!
I'm very keen to hear all about it. Mr Khan. Yes, ****stani name
I've already bought the tickets! What!
I've been cooking and cleaning all day long
I've been kidding myself. She'll never want to marry me
I've been texting Shazia all day, like you told me to
I've been working the room, selling the idea. So it's going well
I've made a mosque out of Lego so I can work out where everything goes
I've texted Amjad. He'll tell them
If I die, Shazia will kill me
If I remember, you spent most of my childhood too busy to do anything,
If I want to do my business in nappies, then I will
If she found out what you've been up to
If you say so. I do say so
If you try and stop Alia and me
If you'd let us book the mosque, none of this would've happened
Imagine that father of an imam
IMITATES BULLY- Keep clear of our side of the Stratford Road..
In a good way!
In detective work, things aren't always what they seem
In fact, keep clear of our side of Stratford Road..
In fact, let's take a photo, huh
In my day, you were just thrown into the water. Who threw you in
In the real world. It's a disaster waiting to happen
Into the Jhelum River,
Involving stolen TVs, an illegal extension at number 34,
Is everything all right- He's suffering from low self-esteem
Is it something nice and career-oriented
Is it something to do with water buffaloes
Is it- Well, if it isn't, it should be
Is New York anywhere near LA
Is now a good time to see Auntie Noor- No!
Is Shazia...
Is that it's a jungle out there
Is the mosque really the right place to have your wedding
Is there a children's grazing area
Islam is not the fastest growing religion in the world for nothing
It is more racist you calling me racist!
It is my big day, Dad
It is, if you're going to be Sparkhill's first-ever female imam!
It isn't. Look, there's nothing under Daddy. It's under Mr Malik!
It stands for Annual General Meeting,
It was Amjad's
It was buy one, get one free
It was the best time I've ever had!
It's a good question, but now is not the time to dwell on it
It's a Muslim religious study camp
It's all about good parenting, uh
It's amazing. Do you know, your dad said it's the most incredible thing he has ever heard
It's an extraordinary item, inserted at the last minute. Nobody told me
It's an Umrah trip. A pilgrimage to Mecca
It's for a good cause, digging wells for ****stani villages
It's forbidden in the Koran
It's going to be a wonderful occasion
It's gone to voicemail
It's just I've always had this dream of being on a beautiful island
It's just that Shazia is having
It's like having our own little imam. But without the beard
It's luxury family holiday, courtesy of Mr Butt's Travel Agency
It's not a bid, it's a death sentence
It's not a sign
It's not about violence. Violence never solved anything
It's OK, Dad, I understand. Yes, so
It's OK, I get this a lot. I am a Muslim. I'm a convert
It's OK, I got it again
It's OK. I forgive you
It's probably for the best, Papa
It's that we need to live together as one community
It's the sacred word of God, never to be taken lightly
It's very vulgar
Item one, the women's group would like a new minibus
Item two, Mr Hafiz would like a giant screen in the meeting room
Just a couple this week, Mr Malik has a prior engagement,
Just call Alia and tell her to come back now
Just call him. OK. 2,500 going once. No, it isn't
Just forget about Auntie Noor!
Just mind you don't hurt yourself
Just say what bullies say
Just stay away from me and my family!
Just stay away from my house!
Just you and me, the kids, Matt and Debbie
Just you, me, Shazia and Matt
Keith, have you finished my patio yet
Keith! Yes
Kitchen's out of bounds. I'm mopping the floor
KNOCK ON DOOR
KNOCK ON DOOR
KNOCK ON DOOR
KNUCKLES CRACK
Leave him alone. It's not his fault! Is it, Papa
Let go of Mrs Malik. No, really
Let the nursery deal with it. Do you think- Of course
Let's get Mo to the pool before the tide comes in
Let's move on, shall we
Let's not worry about that now, eh
Let's talk about something else
Let's use our rainy day money to pay for their honeymoon
Like a young Sean Connery, that's what she said
Like boys. OK
Like Martin Luther Vandross
Like who
Listen, pal, you're the one interfering with drones
Little Mo doesn't stand a chance if he doesn't see his father
Live and let live
Look at her
Look at him
Look at that. Perfect Muslim daughter
Look at that. Wonderful. Reading the Koran, huh
Look at this!
Look, Dave, you put me in a very difficult position
Look, I've booked the mosque, OK- I said I would do it,
Look, I've made my declaration of faith
Look, Keith. I'm a businessman. I saw a business opportunity
Look, Mum, we need to talk about this holiday. What is it, beti
Look, who's in charge of this family- Mum
Look, why don't we just all calm down, uh
Look. Just get me in there and nobody needs to know
Look. This, too much
Looks like a god, thinks like a monkey
Looks like Rajah Moores
LOWERS VOICE- ..play with a straight bat, you know
Luckily for you, you are married to a ****stani businessman, hey
Making out we're common
Matt's just packing the rest of our stuff, so I thought
Maybe he doesn't want to marry me
Maybe I can help- No, thank you
Maybe I should just forget about the honeymoon
Maybe I'll ask my manager if Alia can do her work experience here
Maybe I'll be a film star, too
Maybe it's a sign or something!
Maybe it's a surprise. Maybe we're not supposed to know. Know what
Maybe some of them. Alia is young and vulnerable
Maybe we could do the conversion for you
Maybe we should have an English wedding
Maybe we should just go somewhere cheap in England
Maybe. You never know with womens
Me
Me and you are going to take Mo swimming. You- Can you even swim
ME-! I'm Asian
Mind you, we've had to limit it to four per customer otherwise
Mine was the free one
Mmm! What's this
Mmm... Eh
MO HACKS
More like big four days
More like drive him, like proper driver
More Muslims!
Mosque, shmosque
Mostly because she's so short
Motion denied
MR KHAN CLEARS HIS THROAT
MR KHAN GIGGLES
MR KHAN HACKS MO HACKS
MR KHAN HACKS NOISILY
Mr Khan, community leader
Mr Khan! Mr Khan!
Mr Malik is taking me out to an Indian restaurant tonight
Mr President Khan. Pleased to meet ya
Mr Qureshi must have mentioned me
Mrs Bilal! What are you doing in the mosque office
Mrs Khan's father
Mrs Latif texted to say there's been another UFO over Sparkhill
Mrs Malik
Mrs Malik and Amjad are here!
Mrs Malik had some thoughts about the wedding. What- Again
Mum... Oh, and I went a bit mad and bought two hats,
Muslims all over the world are doing tang tang left, right and centre
Muttonhead. You're a muttonhead
My cousin Waseem is married to my other cousin Waheeda
My father wouldn't allow it
My fellow business leaders
My flag
My friend's a booker at an agency in New York
My hat got wet, so I bought these on the way home. You bought two hats
My house, my rules. Opens again at quarter past six
My wife's going to kill me
Neighbourhood Watch Asian-style
Nevertheless
Next president of Sparkhill ****stani Business Association!
Nigel Faraji was right
No
No bloody way!
No blooming way! Boys, nursery now. Chin up. He-hey!
No footprints, see
No, budhoo, they're the names of our friends, Matt and Debbie. Oh
No, I meant my dinner jacket
No, it won't be nice if she comes. Why
No, no, no
No, that doesn't sound like me
No, they actually can't come- Her husband died
No, we should be going
No, we should go round their house right now and confront his parents
No, you're not. That's not fair
No! Not the kitchen! Why not
No! Yes!
No. Dad! How could you do this to me
No. He wants to win the auction, money's no object. What do you mean
No. I couldn't do that

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