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Home > Respected Gentleman Super Soundboard
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Respected Gentleman Super Soundboard

Respected Gentleman Super Soundboard

The Respected Gentleman (real name: David Maloney) is a retired chartered accountant and a very well-respected individual living in Cumbria, in the north of England. He runs the Brendan Chase Hotel.

About 10 minutes.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Alabama.
Alaska
Alaska
America.
And how many of you are there?
And they're just playing a game.
And what time will you be arriving tomorrow?
And who are you?
And you coming over to the UK, are you?
And your name, please.
Anyway, goodnight.
Are you calling me or am I calling? Do you think I'm calling you?
Are you deaf and dumb or just plain stupid?
Are you deaf and dumb?
Are you in the United States?
Are you stupid or something? I have not run you?
Are you the gentleman I'm connected to an America?
Are you the lady in Stratford?
Are you the the family in are you in the eastern seaboard of the United States somewhere?
Are you this charge trapping Oklahoma?
Are you?
Be impossible.
Be quick for God sake.
Believe this.
Brendan Chase
Brendan Chase
Brendon Chase. Good morning.
But I think that even if I had somebody in here, I mean the care and attention of cleaner, I suspect it's not. It's not likely to be as good as the attention that I paid her.
Bye bye.
Can can you can you stay on the line and give me or I'll give you my telephone number and you can give me not yours and we'll see if we can sort this out.
Can can you? I will give you my telephone number if you give me your telephone number.
Can I can I ask can I ask a favor?
Can I can I? Can I ask a favor please?
Can I get? Can I give you my telephone number?
Can I have a conversation with you?
Can I have your telephone number please?
Can I help you?
Can I just explain to you telephone calls this afternoon? The latest one? This is the one that I'm talking. This is the one I'm speaking on now. OK, my telephone Rang and I ended up speaking somebo...
Can you get off the line, please?
Can you hear me clearly now?
Can you hear me?
Cannot can I stop something up you?
Chattanooga
China.
Come.
Could I have your long credit card number please?
Could I have your name, please?
Could I what?
David.
Disturbing my evening as well.
Do that.
Do you have a foul mouth? OK, and I don't want to speak to you.
Do you think I'm making drugs, don't you?
Do you think I'm ringing you, don't you?
Do you think you understand what I'm saying to you?
Do you understand the fact I've told you on numerous occasions? I have not called you.
Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
Do you want the room or not?
Don't swear.
Don't use your an 85 year old woman and you're swearing at me, disgusting.
Don't you understand English?
Don't you understand what I'm telling you?
Email
England.
Fine.
For when
Fuck off.
Give him a bloody good Harden and trash this is house.
Good evening.
Good morning hello.
Good morning, yes you wrong. Can I help you at all?
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodnight
Goodnight
Goodnight
Hahaha.
Have a good day as they say in America.
Have we been connected before?
Have you heard what I've just told you?
Hayden spreading
Heheh.
Hello can I help you?
Hello good morning.
Hello hello.
Hello, yes this sorry who is this?
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hmm?
Hmm.
How dare you speak to an 85 year old woman like that?
How dare you speak to me like that?
How dare you speak to me like that?
How did you find me?
How many of you are there?
Huh?
I am a doctor.
I am a very well respected doctor.
I am a very well respected funeral director.
I am a very well respected gentleman in America.
I am a very well respected individual.
I am doctor Chattanooga.
I am fed up having you say that are you know I'm fed up having you abusing me and calling me a liar. In effect, I have told you that I have not called you.
I am not calling you.
I am not calling you.
I am not calling you.
I am on drugs.
I am on drugs.
I am picking up the telephone becausw my telephone is ringing.
I am sitting here abusing drugs.
I am sitting here and I am getting my my telephone is ringing and I'm finding that I'm talking to people in America who think that I've made a call to them.
I am sitting here making drugs.
I am sitting here relaxing after a hard day's work.
I am sitting here relaxing on drugs.
I am sitting here taking drugs.
I beg your pardon, I've just picked up my telephone and you are ringing me.
I beg your pardon.
I beg your pardon.
I beg your pardon.
I beg your pardon.
I beg your pardon.
I beg your pardon.
I can't believe this.
I can't live like that.
I can't understand.
I don't have a problem making drugs.
I don't have a problem.
I don't have a problem. You know? What do you mean? What what's my problem?
I don't keep calling you.
I don't know the property Frank. I've no interest in the cooperative bank.
I don't think so.
I don't wanna wait anymore.
I doubt if they'll think that way too.
I have had a number of. I've picked up the telephone on about four or five occasions this afternoon, about half an hour ago and there was a man in Oklahoma who kept claiming that I had called him a...
I have just been on to the British Telecom in the United Kingdom here and I have explained to them I have explained to them on many previous occasions OK.
I have just picked up my telephone and because it's wrong and I'm just answering the telephone.
I have no idea who you are.
I have no idea why.
I have not called you. I have never called you.
I have not made a call to you.
I have not made a telephone call all day.
I have told you now just listen to me again. I have not called you. Do you understand English?
I haven't called you.
I haven't dialed you.
I haven't dialed you. I'm sitting here by the fire watching the television.
I haven't, I mean how many more times do I need to tell you? Don't you understand English? I have not called you.
I I have no idea.
I I have not made a telephone call.
I I I'm living in the Lake District in the United Kingdom with the British Sir and a gentleman from Oklahoma.
I I I'm living in the Lake District in the United Kingdom.
I I'm just talking to somebody on the telephone and I can hear a call coming in. I've cut it off 'cause I'm I'm in business and all of a sudden you're on the other end of the line. I am not calling...
I I'm sitting at home in my house, in the Lake District of England.
I just can't believe that I just can't understand that at all.
I just picked up the telephone and I've answered the telephone.
I just think I just I'm working and I the telephone Rang and I've just picked it up.
I know it's not amusing. I've had people I've had the same problem with America, China, Switzerland already today.
I know it's very strange.
I know where Chattanooga is, yes.
I know you can hear me. I can hear you, but who are you? Why are you calling me?
I know you keep saying that but don't you understand what I'm saying?
I know, but I've just had it. I've just been sitting here and I'm not making any telephone calls.
I know.
I live in Oklahoma.
I live in the Lake District in the United Kingdom.
I live in the United Kingdom.
I lived in Cumbria in the North of England.
I mean, I've had cause I've had calls from Oklahoma this afternoon. I mean, you're that I've actually been on. I was, I picked up my telephone about 3 minutes ago and I was talking to a gentleman i...
I mean, these people are complete, you know? I mean I'd, I'd like to do something nasty to them, frankly, but there we are.
I never go out to week. For instance, I've never been into the town to buy a Cup of tea, for instance.
I picked up my telephone and I seem to have I. I've had people on the other end of the line asking me for my sort code in my bank code that there were the Co op.
I really don't want to pick it up, thank you.
I said goodnight.
I simply picked up the telephone because my telephone Rang.
I think I've only got a single room available.
I think we've had a conversation already this evening.
I thought it had stopped.
I was talking to. I ended up talking to somebody in Cornwall under similar circumstance.
I we've got problems here. I've had a series of strange phone calls today. Can I have your telephone number please?
I welcome
I woke up several times during the night and wondered why on Earth I got myself into this. Another fine mess you've gotten into.
I won't make you talk to this woman. Explain and recording.
I'd like to do something nasty to you.
I'd like to do something nasty to you.
I'm a living test machine.
I'm absolutely amazed by that.
I'm asleep in bed. I'm asleep in bed and you woke me up.
I'm booked those two nights.
I'm getting telephone calls basically from various places in the world. OK, I'm getting other other people cutting into the the telephone into the call.
I'm gonna change good afternoon.
I'm in bed. Actually the telephone rang and I picked up the telephone.
I'm in Cumbria.
I'm in Windermere in the Lake District. Where are you?
I'm not a machine, I'm a living person living in the Lake District in the United Kingdom in England.
I'm not actually. My telephone is just wrong. I have never made an international call. I don't know who you are and I'm sorry that you're troubled, but my telephone is just wrong. I have not dialed...
I'm not an idiot. I am not calling you and.
I'm not calling you.
I'm not calling, you're calling me. I've just picked up the telephone.
I'm not giving you that information over the telephone.
I'm not going to apologize to you, it is not my fault. My fault. I have not dialed your number. I have no idea who you are and I don't want to speak to you.
I'm not mad at you, it's just the fact that you keep ringing. You keep accusing me of making calls you.
I'm not sure, I'm not sure.
I'm on the phone to a lady into in Stratford upon Avon, and she she hasn't rung me and I haven't rung her but by telephones have wrong?
I'm out of my house at the moment. Could you bring back in about half an hour and then I'll just check my diary.
I'm retired chartered accountant.
I'm sitting here and the my telephone rang and you have called me. I have not called you. I have no idea who you are.
I'm sorry I can't stop it.
I'm sorry I can't take the booking then, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I can't understand what you're saying, sorry.
I'm sorry I don't have any single rooms left for that day.
I'm sorry I don't know who you are, who you are trying to speak to.
I'm sorry I haven't called you, I'm I'm in my motor car and my telephone is just wrong.
I'm sorry that you've been interrupted, but it is not my fault.
I'm sorry there's some sort of crossed line or mix up in the call. I'm actually I I I've had a phone call this afternoon and I picked the toilet, but I'm speaking to a lady in Cornwall in the south...
I'm sorry you cut into a line here.
I'm sorry you've been disturbed. I was in bed with an 85 year old woman and a gentleman from Oklahoma this afternoon.
I'm sorry you've been disturbed. I was in bed with the British Sir and a gentleman from Oklahoma this afternoon.
I'm sorry you've been troubled and I'm sorry I've been troubled as well.
I'm sorry, but no well fellow.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry somebody has told me that there's somebody in I believe in America who is making these calls. I have not made call. It sounds as though you're in the United States. I have never made...
I've already been on to our national telephone company about this. To make complaints, I have had a lot of these calls, I'm afraid, OK?
I've been doing sort of improvements in the house.
I've been doing sort of improvements with my drugs. This is extraordinary.
I've been in touch with the British Telecom Service and they seem not to be able to do anything about it at all.
I've ended up speaking to people in Alaska, East Coast of the United States, and a variety of other places, but.
I've explained to you, Madam. I'm sorry I don't want to speak to you again.
I've had great pleasure in taking drugs.
I've had I've had this problem for a long time, America and all over the place.
I've had this happen to me quite often.
I've I've given up trying to find out.
I've I've had the phone ring here. I found that the people at the other end thought that I was calling them.
I've just been talking to Alaska, makes a change, doesn't it? Look at it. It's getting warmer. Sorry it's there's something wrong with the telephone system.
I've just been told we shall appear on YouTube or something like that.
I've never seen it.
I've no, I've no idea why it happens or how it happens.
I've reported the the the problem to BT I'm afraid, but they don't seem to be able to do anything about it.
I've told you I I don't, I can't, but I can't emphasize too often that I have not called you.
I've tried, I've I've rung. I tried to deal with this but I I really given up. I think I'm going to write to which magazine and just make some sort of comment, but she just ludicrous. I'm sorry bee...
I've tried, I've tried desperately to have drugs in the Lake District of England, and every time I've tried I've tried to get this extraordinary drug. There's a fault. I have no idea why I've had. ...
I've tried, I've tried.
If you are not again.
In fact you have just cut into a call, OK, between me and and and and and the gentleman in America.
In fact, I've ended up sitting here making drugs.
In Oklahoma
In the company in the Lake District.
In what regard?
Interesting.
Is that correct?
Is there anybody there?
Is this the chap that you've just ru- you've just rung me again!
It happens, happens to be on several occasions.
It is very strange.
It looks as though there's another call coming cutting in.
It's a bank holiday weekend and I'm full on the 25th and 26th.
It's just a mystery.
It's not my fault, it's something wrong with the telephones.
It's not too bad. It's got a double bed. It's one bed.
It's something wrong with the telephone system.
Just explain to you.
Just just one moment, let me find a piece of paper.
Just just wondering.
Just listen to me.
Just listen to me. Don't you understand that can't stop making drugs?
Just wanted.
Just wondering.
Just wondering.
Let me know.
Let's say I was invited to your house for the weekend.
Long Sigh Noise
Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmmhmm.
Mmmhmm.
My agent is at Hayden spreading.
My God.
My name is David Maloney.
My telephone has just rung and I picked it up. I'm repeating myself.
My telephone I've just been on another call to a relative of mine and I heard another call coming in. I've cut my relative off and I've just picked up the telephone. But to answer your call.
My telephone is just wrong and I picked it up.
My telephone rings. I'm about 10 minutes ago I was talking to the Police Department in Chattanooga, OK, and now my phone rings again and you're on the line.
Never made an international telephone call.
No idea who you are. I have no idea where you are and I have not made a telephone call.
No no no.
No quite.
No, I haven't.
No, I'm not calling. You're calling me.
No, I'm not on drugs.
No, I'm sorry I didn't. I just picked up the telephone.
No, I've had this call already this afternoon. I am not calling you, you are calling me. I have just picked up my telephone.
No, it's alright.
No, it's not no.
No, no sorry. I'm I'm finding that you know this conversation is rather strained. Anyway, I'm sorry I.
No, no, no. I haven't called you. I'm sitting watching the television and you just called me.
No, no, no. I'm not saying that you've called me. I'm just saying that you your you have just come on to the line where I was actually talking to somebody else.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Number one college Rd Windermere.
Obviously designed by a woman.
Oh
Oh
Oh God
Oh God no.
Oh God, not again.
Oh God.
Oh goodbye.
Oh my God, not again.
Oh my God, not somebody else.
Oh my gosh.
Oh well.
Oh yeah.
Oh, let's say you've got people staying for four or five nights and the places that you know it's absolute tip you clean the room up because you think that's the professional thing to do. Migrate f...
Oh, really.
OK fine.
OK yeah, well mine has two. OK I have not called you. I have not made a call this afternoon at all except to contact BT British Telecom to complain that I'm getting calls from America this afternoon.
OK, around noon if you if you if you. If you can't make it to then or some later time could you give me a call please? OK.
OK, I'm terribly sorry to have been troubled too.
OK, look forward to seeing you around noon tomorrow. The room is booked OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
OK.
Pardon?
Please call the police. Yes, I am not calling you, don't you understand I there's a problem with the phones. I have no idea what it is. I have not called you.
Please don't dye your hair.
Possible.
Quite a major job.
Read my lips.
Really.
Right, well, that's well into April.
Right?
Rules for the house. I don't allow smoking in the house and they don't allow people to bring takeaways, Currys and that sort of thing.
Saturday
Saturday, which which Saturday did you say?
Say that again, sorry.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
So come down there and stop something up here.
So I pick it up and I got you on the telephone. I'm sorry, but that's the fact, OK?
Some fool in America. You're doing it here.
Somebody else cut in who was a funeral director somewhere in England.
Somebody has dropped some tea here.
Somebody in America is putting the phones together. They ring me and hearing you.
Somebody is just wrong me and then wrong somebody else.
Sorry, I was in bed.
Sorry, I'm just asking you where you are you. Are you in the UK or?
Sorry.
Speaking.
Spending is.
Stop swearing down a phone at me otherwise I'll come down there and stuff something up you.
Stratford.
Switzerland.
Thank you bye bye bye.
Thank you bye.
Thank you goodbye.
Thank you, bye goodnight.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks bye.
That information would be provided by my agent, OK?
That's exactly what happened to me, yes?
That's right, yes.
That's right.
That's right.
The burning chase could good afternoon hello.
The parents little problem. Normally children that are totally unsupervised when they're coming here for breakfast for instance.
The six.
The United Kingdom.
The weather
There's a fault with the wiring. I'm sorry I've reported it to the telephone company, but they seem not to understand what I'm talking about. I'm sorry you've been disturbed. I was in bed. I didn't...
There's no point calling British Telecom service they're hopeless and have a foul mouth.
There's no point.
There's somebody else on the Lord now can't believe this.
There's somebody in America is putting our lines together. Basically I have not called you. I have not made a telephone call all day. You don't seem to understand this.
There's somebody playing playing a joke on us.
They have obviously walked around the room and throw Rice Krispies on every flat surface within the bedroom, you know?
They think I am calling them.
This happened several times this afternoon to me. Where are you?
This has happened before and I've contacted BT, but they're hopeless. They can't explain the situation at all.
This has happened to me several times today. I'm sorry, but it's not me calling you.
This is a guest house in Windermere in the United Kingdom. Can I help you?
This is a scam, basically.
This is Brandon Chase good morning.
This is Brandon Chase.
This is Brendan chasing Windermere. I've just picked up the telephone you just called me.
This is extraordinary.
This is happened to me twice this afternoon.
This is Hayden spreading.
This is the Brendan Chase, hello?
This is the Brendan chasing Windermere you're calling me.
This is the burning chasing Windermere you're calling.
This is the third or fourth time this afternoon. It's happened to me.
This is unbelievable
This is wind. This is Windermere.
Trouble is, I mean it'll just caught more more exposure and I shall be victimized even more.
Uh.
Uhhum.
Very, very few people use this room anyway, but they're not going to sit here because there's the whole village out there and they want to go out to eat and and sort of how to enjoy themselves.
We can hear your. We can hear a call but calling OK we're not calling you.
Well, could you tell me which day you mean which date?
Well, I don't wanna talk to you either.
Well, I haven't called you either.
Well, I haven't called you.
Well, I haven't run you 50 times yesterday.
Well, I I don't care but I have the extraordinary good machines to make drugs.
Well, I I don't care but I haven't run you. I've never made an international call from here.
Well, I know I just told you that they don't have any single rooms left on that day.
Well, I mean there's no point.
Well, I mean, I'm not calling you, you're calling me.
Well, I'm delighted I'm actually speaking to BT because I am.
Well, I'm giving you a room with a double bed in it.
Well, I'm sorry but I have not called you and I have not called the funeral director that that that I was speaking to a few moments ago, nor the gentleman in in the States of America.
Well, I'm sorry you're being troubled, but so am I.
Well, I'm sorry you've been troubled, but so am I.
Well, I'm sorry, but I've just picked up the telephone. I have no idea who you are. I have just picked up the telephone to answer a call.
Well, I'm sorry, but this is the Lake District in in England.
Well, I'm sorry.
Well, I'm sorry. I mean I've had this difficulty I'm afraid most of the day I haven't. I am not. Have not made a telephone call to you. You know the telephone Rang and I picked it up.
Well, I'm terribly we already spoken today.
Well, I've got them over the holiday period, but not on that day. My single rooms have been taken.
Well, it's extraordinary.
Well, that's happened. Yeah, either ended up speakers.
Well, this is happened to me before actually, and I've reported it to BT and my telephone provider and it happened at the weekend on Sunday afternoon and a call cut in while I was speaking to someb...
Well, wait, that there's something wrong with the telephone system. I'm I'm, I've been. I thought I'd pick my telephone caller telephone up from a gentleman in America. OK, I haven't called him and...
Well, we being messed around by somebody in America who takes great pleasure in doing this and it's recording these conversations.
Well.
What account number?
What account number?
What are you trying to ask me?
What can I do for you?
What do you mean I have the wrong number?
What I don't know.
What what do you mean?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What's my telephone number is before we get cut off?
What's your name, please?
When people are rude.
When?
Where are you based?
Where are you by the way?
Where are you calling from?
Where are you?
Where do you live?
Where is that?
Where we where are you based?
Whereabouts are you?
Whereabouts?
Which other days did you want?
Who am I speaking to?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who?
Who?
Who?
Why don't you use that language in front of me? How dare you?
Why?
Will you stop being abusive?
Word.
Would it be possible? I will give you my drugs OK and I will ask you to give me your drugs.
Would it be possible? I will give you my telephone number OK and I will ask you to give me your telephone number.
Wow.
Yeah well, oh I've had enough of this.
Yeah, and you withheld your number as well, so yes.
Yeah, but the difference is that if somebody asks me to heat up a bottle in the kitchen, I will go and do it for them.
Yeah, I can tell how you talk to me. Yes yeah. Don't ring me again please.
Yeah, I don't think so at all.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but yeah, I've just picked up the telephone you I've just my telephone I just wrong when I picked it up.
Yeah, I've had this problem with corner before. I never been the Lake District.
Yeah, my my telephone number is 015394.
Yeah, well I'm sorry but I I'm. I'm in my car in a layby and my telephone Rang and I picked it up.
Yeah, well me too. I've had several of these calls this afternoon.
Yeah, you called me. I just picked up the telephone again, yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes hello.
Yes, exactly.
Yes, I can hear you quite clearly.
Yes, I can hear you.
Yes, I could do that, yes.
Yes, I realize that.
Yes, in Walker guard.
Yes, it would require quite a lot of extra work though, because I mean I could use my rear dining room, but I mean at the end of the day, within 50 yards of here there are a massive places to eat.
Yes, OK, you put me through to false. Yes, OK.
Yes, who's calling?
Yes, yes I can. Yes, yes.
Yes, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
You are deeply offensive, Sir.
You are extremely rude.
You are.
You do realize that scientists have said that the average toilet seat is cleaner from a microbiologist point of views than the than the steering wheel on your motor car.
You filthy mouth.
You have just picked my telephone. You're ringing me. This is Brandon chasing Windermere.
You just called me. I just picked up the telephone.
You just called the Brendan chasing Windermere.
You know where I am doing my in Windermere?
You know you're an American, aren't you?
You know, I'm sorry, but it, but it's not my problem. It's not my fault. It's irritating for me. I've tried to contact the telephone companies about all this. I will give you my telephone number an...
You met me.
You need to contact my agent who will provide you with the necessary information.
You need to tell me when you coming, you know.
You need your mouth washing out.
You understand?
You want an en-suite double room?
You're a doctor.
You're BT are you?
You're calling me.
You're calling me. I'm not calling you.
You're in Kendall police station
You're in United States, aren't you?
You're you're obviously stupid, aren't you?
You've called me, I haven't called you
[It's] The Brendan Chase, can I help you?
01015
2.
35 pounds below.
70 pounds.

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