Christmas Vacation (1989) Soundboard Edit

A leaf on La La La La La La La La tis the season to be jolly FA La La La La La La La La.

A lot of lights, dad. Yeah, well, I'm sure it's a lot of work too. But if I'm out in the cold and I'm committed to decorating the house, I'm going to do it right and I'm going to do it big.

A pretty good time.

Adrian. And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark. Something really nice.

Adulteries adulthood, which is to say, Christmas as annual. You'll log not a lot.

Ah, we're really going to fly down the hill with this stuff.

Ah, yeah, you checked our shitters, honey. Clark, please.

Ali. It's the season to be merry.

All down here to help us dedicate. Guys.

All our holidays are always such a mess. Oh yeah.

All right, Christian. Kiss my ass, kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy.

Alright, everybody come back with them and the lights.

Alright, I think I'm alright.

Alright, you better ready to do some kissing, huh?

Alright, you wanna load me up with a little more? There it is. Good.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

And a hell of a good cook. Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?

And eat my dust, whatever rust, whatever.

And get me somebody while I'm waiting.

And healthy falls and breaks his neck. I'm sure he'll fall, but I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his neck.

And I need to get just a few more pay by check. If you can, I will.

And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I don't want to tell him what a cheap lying, no good, rotten, four flushing, lowlife, snake licking, dirt eating and bread overstuffed, ignorant.

And lately I've been waiting for this bonus to make.

And obviously she doesn't wear underwear and there are plenty of shopping days left until adulteries adulthood, which?

And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. College carnival.

And the Rockets, red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

And this here's our pride and joy snot.

And threw up the sash. The moon and the breast of the new fallen snow. Gave a luster of midday to objects below.

And time. Honey, they're family. They're not strangers off the street.

And what are these? Do they click on here? Down there.

And where it's warm. Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind and it's breathtaking.

And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?

And. And Eddie for the man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his wrists and ankles. What that?

Answer the phone. Alexander called this morning and Grandpa Clark told him I couldn't come to the phone because I was going to the bathroom.

Anthony, is this the airport? close. We're here.

Any problems with family life? Yeah, and it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs and your.

Anything of it. Fire it up, dad.

Anyway. At least it's out of its misery.

Are you having any breakfast? I'm not in the mood.

Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family?

Arthur. Art.

As I'm sure it must be on its way, I don't get that bonus. Huh. And it up to here.

Asian family Christmas and are satisfied with scrawny, dead, overpriced trees that have no special meaning.

Attica, I have nightmares about what he does in his bed alone when I'm not lying right next to him. Well.

Audrey Quarter 2 Audrey, I'm gonna put my car in the garage.

Audrey, Audrey.

Avoiding the family. No, I still have a couple hundred more bulbs to check.

Awesome. You can't look a deer.

Ay.

Back. Are you Santa Claus? What? Ohh. Are you scared me?

Be more than happy to take the rap on this on behalf of myself, on behalf of every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas.

Beautiful Clark.

Beauty.

Because this is where our forefathers did. Can't feel my leg.

Been abducted. The man was was wearing a blue leisure suit and the plates were from Kansas. He was a huge.

Before things get worse, worse. How could they get any worse?

Before we begin. Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas. I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.

Ben for themselves. I know your kids.

Best LED Clark, you know that metal plate in my head?

Big family Christmas. It's just that I know how you build things up in your mind, Sparky.

Big. You want something you can be proud of, don't you? Yeah, I guess so. Sure you do.

Bill. You get your bonus here.

Bingo.

Bonus This year, huh? Where is your an excellent choice to be named food additive designer of the year?

Bonuses. Look. Look. Look. Look.

Boom. Clear out, Bethany. Hell no. She means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.

Boy. This is a surprise. Clark is. He's just a real nice surprise. Just a real nice surprise.

Bulging men and I have never been treated like this in my life. I'm sorry.

But according to Santa's watch, it isn't. Now come on, stay out of this.

But we're, we're, we're pretty well set up here in the RV you know it's a little tight but. We didn't come to impose, Alice.

Call. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Bend over and I'll show you.

Called me on it. This is Clark Griswold and his family.

Came to stay with us, isn't it? I love it here. You don't gotta put on your coat to go to the bathroom and your house is always parked in the same place.

Can I show you something?

Can I take something out for you?

Can you believe that? Oh, mother, isn't that terrible? You're not getting.

Can't feel my leg. They walked out into the woods. They picked out that special tree and they cut it down with their bare hands.

Can't find the Santa Claus? In the basement. We'll get it later.

Can't impose now there's plenty of room means that.

Can't just attack someone? Alright then. If you're not man enough to put an end to this shit, then I am.

Can't wait to see what I got here leaking.

Car. He can drive. I have to eat so I can take my back pill.

Carnival. You got to be proud. Oh, yeah.

Carpet all wet, Todd. I don't know.

Catherine. This Turkey tastes half as good as it looks. I think we're all in for a very big treat.

Cause when did you move to Florida?

Cell. They want you to say grace. That blessing.

Cheap hot dogs and your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip and.

Checked our shitters, honey. Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.

Christmas song. That should look good.

Clark

Clark, I couldn't do that.

Clark, it's so lovely.

Clark, what's wrong?

Clark.

Clark. Don't provoke them.

Clark. Don't stay up too late.

Clark. You staying late?

Clark. You staying late? Ohh. Hi, bill.

Clark's dinner's ready. OK, honey, starving.

Classes on it. Are we dead? No. I have one of those at home.

Close to 7 years and seven years he couldn't find a job.

Club. 17 years with the company. I've gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this one.

Come here.

Come on, unravel these.

Come on, you guys don't buy request saying I didn't do this on purpose.

Comes into a new house. They didn't move into a new house.

Comma. Clark, what do you need a hammer for?

Corny and cliched. Well, where you gonna find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve?

Corona. Tell this girl then, dad. Yeah.

Couldn't find a job, Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position.

Dad, Dad, I can't. I'll look. If you need any help, give me a holler. I'll be upstairs asleep. Thanks.

Dad, did you bring a saw?

Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lights so people wouldn't have to drive all the way out to nowhere and waste a whole Saturday?

Dad, yeah. Are you going to recite the night before Christmas?

Dad. Dad.

Dad. Thanks for being here.

Dammit. German.

Dear Catherine, Eddie.

Dear Catherine, Eddie.

Dear friend.

Did I tell you I talked to my mother today? They've decided they're coming for Christmas too.

Did you get yours?

Dinner with Paul.

Do with that big bonus check? Going to blow it on yourself, I hope. Me.

Do you hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound.

Do you think there's enough room for the Angel? Oh sure, honey.

Does your cat by any chance eat jello?

Doesn't show. I don't know Sparky. I just have this feeling.

Doesn't.

Don't do good at all. You know, I told you I borrowed the RV from a neighbor. That's mine. We live in it.

Don't drop that.

Don't drop that.

Don't forget that report, Bill. Yes, Sir. Thank you.

Don't hear anymore.

Don't piss me off hard, Clark. It's over.

Don't stop it. I don't want to spend the holidays dead.

Don't sweat it. It'll come. Merry Christmas. Same to you.

Down. You don't want him around if you wear short pants, if you know what I mean.

Down. You want to ride behind somebody who does something like that?

Drum roll please. Drum roll.

Drum roll.

Dug it out of the ground myself. That a fact?

Eat my rubber.

Eddie, if he drinks the water out of there, the trees gonna dry up. Come on out.

Eddie.

Eddie. Ellen and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas.

Egan. Anyway, if the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town.

Eight wind, Jesus, did the room clear out Bethany.

Ellen, are you still dating Clara?

Ellen, I want to have Christmas here in our house. Means a lot to me. All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas.

Ellen. Hey, Alan.

Especially I just you just cocked it up.

Everybody. Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is, mom?

Family, welcome to our home. What's left of it?

Farm holiday emergency here. We're going to press on and we're going to have the Hap Hap. Happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap dance with Danny fucking K.

Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.

Few Americans. Jackasses riding my tail.

Fighting, OK? Will you just take it easy, Alan? I'm in complete control.

Find somebody who does something like that. I'm going to pull around him and leave him safely behind us.

Find something similar. See. You can't see the line.

First, I've always wanted to do this.

Fix the new post.

Fix the.

Flat. That would be her jello mold. I'll take it, Eddie.

Flat. That would.

For a long winters nap when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter. I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

For me, I'll give you a whole quarter, quarter and I'll.

For your wife or your girlfriend.

Frank.

Frank. Helen.

From my back. Folks, folks, Merry Christmas.

From my bed to see what was the matter away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

Front wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.

Frozen from the waist down. That's all part of the experience, honey.

Fucking Kay. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney knight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

Gee, I don't know what to do. We coasted into town on fumes. Gas money give out in Gurney.

General.

Get a towel. OK.

Get around this egg timer.

Get me somebody. Anybody.

Get off me a little cungus.

Get up to here. Don't sweat it. It'll come.

Get who I was for 1/2 hour or so. So over at the VA they had to replace it with a plastic one and it ain't strong so.

Give a buck that's pretty low, Mr. If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you.

Go away, Todd.

Go back to normal, I don't know.

Go on.

God rest your soul. God, I'm so sorry.

Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, Clark W Griswold junior.

Going to buy me anything, damn it, president, he guessed it. Ohh.

Going to the tree.

Good dude.

Good fella. Are you OK? I'm fine, honey.

Good golly.

Good talk.

Good, good, good.

Good.

Goofy. Don't piss me off hard, Clark.

Grace. Grace she passed away 30 years ago.

Great, beautiful. God.

Half.

Hallelujah. Holy shit, where's the Tylenol?

Hard. It's difficult.

Hats off. 250 strands of lights. 100 individual bulbs per strand, for a grand total of 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights.

Have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight.

Have them.

Have you been good all year round? Santa Claus is going to bring you something.

Have you got a kiss for me? You'd better take a rain check on that. Alright. He's got a lip fungus scene identified yet.

He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas.

He's got Clark. That's OK, Eddie.

He's nervous because you don't know if he's getting nothing.

He's pressed, surprised that he if I woke up tomorrow with my headphone of the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.

Heard that was beautiful.

Helen, thank God you're all right.

Helen, thank God you're all right. Oh, I'm fine. I'm just fine.

Hello everybody should say you should see it. Hello everybody.

Hello I need to get just a few more.

Help daddy. They're coming out of the hell, would I?

Hemorrhoids, Can you believe that I love her.

Here.

Here. Dear friends, it's.

Here. Nervous or excited? Shitting bricks.

Here's a little list, alphabetical, starting with Catherine.

Here's the heart.

Here's the heart.

Hey court, what's wrong with the dog? Ohh, just yacking on a bone. He got it up. He's alright now.

Hey Dad, what do you want these reindeer?

Hey kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way in from New York.