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Home > Dr. Strangelove Soundboard
A big plane like a 52 vroom! its jet exhaust frying chickens in a barnyard
A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth
A doomsday device
A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual and certainly without any choice
A moment please mr president
A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country
A safeguard
About 18 minutes from now sir
About 35 minutes ago
After all well let's face it we don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to do we
After that they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers
After you've done that report back to me
Ah come on that's ridiculous
Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet
Alexi alexi please I beg you
All circuits switched to c r m discriminators
All human and animal life
All I was told to was get general ripper on the phone with the president of the united states
All listen hon you go back to sleep hon bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can
All other missions have acknowledged recall code
All right
All right charlie i've been wasting too much time on you
All right designating new target 384
All right dmitri
All right now feed me feed me boy
All right tell you what you better do old buddy
All right well listen now who should we call
All the radio gear is out including the crm 114
Also when they go down into the mine everyone would still be alive
Always did wonders for a man that jack a little wash and brush up
Am I to understand the russian ambassador is to be admitted entrance to the war room
And also excuse me
And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in it's beginning to look like general ripper exceeded his authority
And as human beings you and I need fresh pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids
And at the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines
And bring me some cigars please havana cigars
And escape retaliation because of lack of proper command and control
And for this reason men I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfullness
And I can assure you if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense
And I can swear to you my boy swear to you that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids not a thing jackie
And I think general ripper found out about your preversion and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts
And I want every single one collected without exception
And I was in the process of impounding this very one when I happened to switch it on
And i'm equally sure they all died thinking of you every man jack of them jack
And i'm hoping you know jack
And i've got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that some of you fellows maybe thinking
And if those devils come back and try any rough stuff we'll fight 'em together boy like we did just now on the floor eh
And in a matter of weeks sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided
And my advice to you jack is to give me the code now
And please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater and help yourself to whatever you'd like
And so because of the automated and irrevocable decision making process which rules out human meddling the doomsday machine is terrifying
And that will be all for you sir then i'll see to it right away
And that works out to roughly seven hours 15 minutes endurance for this time
And the computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth health sexual fertility intelligence and a cross section of necessary skills
And turn that thing off
And what if it is true
And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing there will be only one course of action open
And you know what i'm hoping jack i'm hoping you're going to give me the code boy that's what i'm hoping
And you sure as hell won't stop them now
Animals could be bred and slaughtered
Any force trying to enter there would certainly encounter very heavy casualties
Any variation on these rules must come from me personally
Apparently the 23rd airborne division is stationed seven miles away at alvarado
Apparently they monitored a transmission about eight minutes ago from burpelson air force base
Approaching target at distance 10 miles
Approximate speed mach 3
Are there any army units stationed anywhere near burpelson
Are you beginning to understand
Are you calling me jack
Are you certain of that mandrake
Are you in contact with general ripper uh no sir no
Are you sure
As an officer in her majesty's air force it is my clear duty under the present circumstances to issue the recall code upon my own authority and bring back the wing
As I previously arranged the air police will have lists of all owners
As you know the premier loves surprises
At the bottom of uh some of our deeper mine shafts
At this height why they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen
Attack range gate on maximum scan
Auto cdc into manual teleflex link
Auto cdc into manual teleflex link (2)
Auto destruct circuits checked
Automatically
Based in america the airborne alert force is deployed from the persian gulf to the arctic ocean
Based on the findings of the report my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious
Be careful mr president I think he is drunk
Blast blast shot away I expect by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting
Bomb arming test lights on one through four
Bomb arming test lights on one through four (2)
Bomb fusing circuits one through four test
Bomb fusing circuits one through four test (2)
Bomb fusing master safety on
Bombardier ready sir
Buck honey i'm not sleepy either
Buck should I get it
Bull! tell him to do it himself
But how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger
But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed tops depending on the breaks
But I would guess that dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided
But if you don't get the president of the united states on that phone you know what's going to happen to you
But it is necessary now to make a choice to choose between two admittedly regrettable but nevertheless distinguishable postwar environments
But it is you know a sacrifice required for the future of the human race
But look here doctor wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd well envy the dead and not want to go on living
But since there are 17000 permutations it's going to take us about two and a half days to transmit them all
But surely you can disarm it somehow
But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines and we were afraid of a doomsday gap
But the idea was to discourage the russkies from any hope that they could knock out washington and yourself sir as part of a general sneak attack
But they have one geographical factor in common they are all two hours from their targets inside russia
But this is absolute madness ambassador
But this is fantastic strangelove
But today war is too important to be left to politicians they have neither the time the training nor the inclination for strategic thought
But we got one little budge on them russkies
But we will not repeat not be able to make it back to any base or neutral country
But with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say 10 females to each male
But you look at me now do I look all rancid and clotted you look at me jack eh look eh huh huh
Can you imagine
Can't you stick to the point general
Cease fire!
Certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things
Check auto destruct circuits
Check bomb door circuits one through four
Check gpi acceleration factor
Cobalt thorium g
Cobalt thorium g has a radioactive half life of 93 years
Code prefix locked
Code prefix set
Colonel that coca cola machine I want you to shoot the lock off it there may be some change in there
Colonel! colonel I must know what you think has been going on here
Combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead ha!
Come over here and help me with this belt
Come over here the red coats are coming come on
Commence evasive action right
Condition red sir yes jolly good idea keeps the men on their toes
Confirmed definite missile track
Continue evasive action
Continue evasive action (2)
Continue evasive action (3)
Continue evasive action (4)
Copilot to navigator i'm ready with the fuel figures now
Correct track indicator minus seven
Could you tell me what it's about
Cut off
Da da
Dasvidaniya
Deflection increasing range eight miles
Deflection still increasing range six miles
Degenerate atheistic commie
Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy the fear to attack
Detonator set to zero altitude
Detonator set to zero altitude (2)
Did they torture you
Distance 6o miles
Do I have to think of everything
Do I take it sir that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun
Do you know when fluoridation first began
Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face
Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water why there are studies under way to fluoridate salt flour fruit juices soup sugar milk ice cream
Do you recall what clemenceau once said about war
Do you recognize my voice
Doctor you mentioned the ratio of 10 women to each man now wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship I mean as far as men were concerned
Doggone it sweets you told me that you'd get me to the primary!
Don't say that you're more sorry than I am because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are so we're both sorry all right all right
Don't you know that
Don't you know that general ripper went as mad as a bloody march hare and sent the whole wing to attack the soviets
Dr strangelove do we have anything like that in the works
Dso ready
Dso to captain I have an unidentified radar blip
Each b 52 can deliver a nuclear bombload of 50 megatons equal to 16 times the total explosive force of all the bombs and shells used by all the armies in world war ii
Ecm locked to target intercept mode
Electronic barometric time and impact
Electronic guidance scrambler to blue grid
Engage emergency power
Engage primary trigger switch override
Estimate remaining fuel at 8790
Even the normal phone lines are shut down
Everything seems to check out all right will advise
Excuse me sir
Excuse me sir something rather interesting has just cropped up
Extinguishers
Feed me you said and I was feeding you jack
Fire the explosive bolts!
First safety
First safety released
First trust no one whatever his uniform or rank unless he is known to you personally
Five miles homing alignment factor to zero mode
For more than a year ominous rumors had been privately circulating among high level western leaders that the soviet union had been at work on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon
For pete's find out what he wants
For the sake of our country and our way of life I suggest you get the rest of sac in after them
Four days concentrated emergency rations
Four if prior to this time we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities we will suffer virtual annihilation
Fred buck what's it look like yeah
Freddie how are you fine and you
Freddie the general says could you call back in a minute or two
Fuel flow on active engines and leakage has increased
Fuel valves three four and six
Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three
Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three (2)
Fused air burst at 10 check 12000 feet
Gee I wish we had one of them doomsday machines stainsey
Gee those trucks sure look like the real thing don't they
General faceman
General faceman I want them to enter the base locate general ripper and put him in immediate telephone contact with me
General I find this very difficult to understand
General I think i've heard quite sufficient from you thank you very much
General is there really a chance for that plane to get through
General it is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first with nuclear weapons
General ripper called strategic air command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code
General ripper sealed off the base and cut off all communications
General ripper sir
General ripper sir (2)
General turgidson a colonel puntrich calling
General when you instituted the human reliability tests you assured me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring
General with all due respect for your defense team my boys can brush 'em aside without too much trouble
Gentlemen gentlemen ah gentlemen
Gentlemen this is outrageous i've never heard of such behavior in the war room before
Gentlemen you can't fight in here! this is the war room!
Give him your phone frank
Give me a rough heading on that just as soon as you can get it worked out will ya
Give me full power
Go ahead general
God bless you all
God willing we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids
Goldie did you say wing attack plan r
Goldie how many times have I told you guys that I don't want no horsin' around on the airplane
Good lord
Good luck to you all
Good well it's good that you're fine and i'm fine I agree with you it's great to be fine
Got any witnesses
Gpi acceleration factor set
Greenhouses could maintain plant life
Group captain
Group captain mandrake speaking
Group captain the planes are not going to be recalled
Hang on a second dmitri
Has he got a chance hell yeah he's got a
Has the wing confirmed holding at their fail safe points
Have him brought down here straight away
Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation fluoridation of water
Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water
Have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water or rainwater and only pure grain alcohol
He changed it when he became a citizen it used to be merkwurdichliebe
He said war was too important to be left to the generals
He says according to information forwarded by our air staffs it's headed for the missile complex at laputa
He says it can't wait
He says their air defense now only claims three aircraft confirmed the fourth may only be damaged
He'll see the big board #security #breach #see #everything
He's dead in the bathroom
Heck I reckon you wouldn't be human beings if you didn't have pretty strong personal feelings about nuclear combat
Hell we've got a five to one missile superiority as it is
Hello I told you never to call me here don't you know where I am
Hello oh yes general turgidson is here but i'm affraid he can't come to the phone at the moment
Hello uh hello hello dmitri
Here no jack let me take that for you i'll take that for you jack
Here's the attack profile sir
Hey what about major kong
Hit emergency power
Hmm strangelove what kind of a name is that that ain't no kraut name is it stainsey
Homing alignment factor to zero mode
How can it be triggered automatically
How does that coincide with your postwar commie conspiracy huh
How long would you have to stay down there
How soon did you say the planes would penetrate russian radar cover
However we are plowing through every possible three letter combination of the code
However we would have enough fuel to ditch at weather ship tango delta grid coordinates 003691
Huh what's cooking on the threat board
I agree mr president
I am as sorry as you are dmitri
I am becoming less and less interested in your estimates of what is possible and impossible
I am general ripper's executive officer
I am general ripper's executive officer so the president will bloody well want to speak to me won't he
I am not I am not getting no i'm just worried that's all
I am positive dmitri
I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration communist indoctrination communist subversion and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids
I commissioned last year a study of this project by the bland corporation
I do not avoid women but I do deny them my essence
I do sir why do you ask
I don't give a hoot in hell how you do it you just get me to the primary you hear
I don't have a phone
I don't know exactly how to put this sir but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be I mean he'll see everything he'll see the big board!
I don't know how well I could stand up under torture
I don't know sir we spoke just a few moments ago on the phone didn't we
I don't like the look of this
I don't want to talk to him colonel i've got to talk to him
I drink a lot of water you know i'm what you might call a water man jack that's what I am
I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious service along these lines
I have a portion of the transcript of that conversation if you'd like me to read it
I have always expected the best from you and you have never given me anything less than that
I just thought I might mosey over to the war room for a few minutes to see what's doing over there
I know how it is baby
I know they're our boys
I mean if the spaghetti hits the fan now we're really in trouble
I mean it's true you've got to believe it
I mean supposing kissoff is lying about that fourth plane just looking for an excuse to clobber us
I mean you take your average russki we all know how much guts he's got hell look at all them nazis killed off and he still wouldn't quit
I must confess you have an astonishingly good idea there doctor
I never told you but you see got a gammy leg oh dear gone shot off
I said premier kissoff is a degenerate atheistic commie!
I said put your hands over your head
I said put your hands over your head and keep them there come on
I see he says he's tried personally several times but everything is dead
I shouldn't tell you this but you're a good officer and have a right to know
I suppose it never occurred to you that while we're chatting here so enjoyably a decision is being made by the president and the joint chiefs in the war room at the pentagon
I think the auto destruct mechanism got hit and blew itself up
I think those fellows in the pentagon have given us some sort of exercise to test our readiness
I think we ought to all just bow our heads and give a short prayer of thanks for our deliverance
I think we ought to look at this from the military point of view I mean uh
I thought I issued instructions for all radios on this base to be impounded
I thought myself our fellows hitting russian radar cover in 20 minutes dropping all their stuff i'd better tell you because if they do it'll cause a bit of a stink what
I told you to take it easy group captain
I uh I haven't had very much experience you know with those sort of machines jack
I want all privately owned radios to be immediately impounded they might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs
I want this flashed to all sections immediately
I want to speak to general ripper on the telephone personally
I want you to remember one thing the folks back home are counting on you and by golly we ain't about to let them down
I was laying train lines for the bloody japanese puff puffs
I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons
I will have poached eggs
I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since adolf hitler
I wonder where they got 'em from
I would guess that they could then work their way back to the present gross national product within say 20 years
I would like to say that in the two years that it has been my privilege to be your commanding officer
I would sooner accept a few casualties through accident than lose the entire base and its personnel through carelessness
I would think that possibly uh 100 years
I'd say you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with
I'll tell you what i'm talking about
I'll try and guess i'll try and guess what the code is
I'll uh i'll just check sir
I'm a religious man myself you know jack I believe in all that sort of thing
I'm absolutely positive about that sir
I'm afraid I don't understand something alexi
I'm afraid not sir
I'm afraid sir I must ask you for the key and the recall code have you got them handy sir
I'm afraid that's impossible sir
I'm coming through fine too eh good then
I'm going to pick up this red telephone which is connected to sac and I hope
I'm gonna get them doors open if it harelips everybody on bear creek
I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened
I'm not horsing around that's how it decodes
I'm sorry mr president
I'm sorry mr president (2)
I'm sorry sir but those are the figures
I'm sorry sir that estimate was based on the original loss rate factor not at 205
I'm sorry they're jamming your radar and flying so low but they're trained to do it you know it's initiative
I'm the only person who knows the three letter code group
I'm very sorry all right you're sorrier than I am but I am sorry as well
I've been to one world fair a picnic and rodeo and that's the stupidest thing I heard come over a set of earphones
I've done as you asked
I've got a lot of wounded men outside
I've got a very good idea what the recall code is and I have to get in touch with sac headquarters immediately
I've only ever pressed a button in my old spitfire
I've worked out our rate of fuel loss at approximately 162 per minute
Ice cream children's ice cream
If a russian attack was not in progress then your use of plan r in fact your orders to the entire wing
If on the other hand we were to immediately launch an all out and coordinated attack on all their air fields and missile bases we'd stand a damn good chance of catching them with their pants down
If you take say 50 h bombs in the hundred megaton range and jacket them with cobalt thorium g
If you try any preversions in there i'll blow your head off
If you'll excuse me sir
In fact they might try an immediate sneak attack so they could take over our mine shaft space
In omsk
In order to guard against surprise nuclear attack america's strategic air command maintains a large force of b 52 bombers airborne 24 hours a day
In the name of her majesty and the continental congress come here and feed me this belt boy
Intelligence sources traced the site of the top secret russian project to the perpetually fog shrouded wasteland below the arctic peaks of the zhokhov islands
Is it that bad sir
Is that the russian ambassador you're talking about
Is the premier threatening to explode this if our planes carry out their attack
It certainly does far beyond the point I would have imagined possible
It could easily be accomplished with a computer
It decoded as wing attack plan r
It decodes as wing attack plan r r for romeo
It looks like we're in a shooting war
It requires only the will to do so
It was just their way of having a bit of fun the swines
It was to be announced at the party congress on monday
It would be quite easy
It would not be difficult mein fuhrer
It's 3 00 in the morning
It's a friendly call of course it's a friendly call listen if it wasn't friendly you probably wouldn't have even got it
It's a variation on peace on earth or purity of essence eop ope it's one of those
It's an obvious commie trick mr president we're wasting valuable time
It's incredibly obvious isn't it
It's some sort of recurrent theme he kept repeating
Jack don't you think we'd be better off in some other part of the room away from all this flying glass
Jack i'd love to come but what's happened you see the string in my leg's gone
Just a minute
Just a second
Just a second (2)
Just came in on the red phone
Just one second operator
Keep smiling through just like you always do till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away
Keep your feet on the ground when you're talking
Let's see if we can stay on the ball
Lights on
Listen do you happen to have the phone number on you dmitri
Listen I can't hear too well do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little oh that's much better
Listen I mean it's not gonna help either one of us if the doomsday machine goes off now is it
Listen i've been all over this with your ambassador it is not a trick
Listen put everything you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss
Listen shug don't forget to say your prayers
Listen to that chock full of stations all churning it out
Listen to that music civilian broadcasting
Lock code prefix
Lock ecm to target intercept mode
Look at the big board they're getting ready to clobber us
Look at this mr president this lousy commie rat was taking pictures with this thing of the big board!
Look boys I ain't much of a hand at making speeches but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is going on back there
Look can I give can I give you just one word can I give you just one word of advice
Look I don't know what sort of stupid game this is you're playing
Look i'm affraid this is not an exercise
Look if this report is true and the plane manages to bomb the target is this going to set off the doomsday machine
Look something very urgent has come up and I want you to place an emergency person to person call with president merkin muffley in the pentagon washington dc
Look we've got an acknowledgement from every plane except the four you shot down
Look you know exactly where they're going and i'm sure your entire air defense can stop a single plane
Looks like a missile tracking us
Looks like it's pretty hairy
Lord!
Loss of essence I can assure you it has not recurred
Lost engine power
Lost power got it
Luckily I was able to interpret these feelings correctly
Major kong I know you'll think this is crazy but I just got a message from base over the c r m 114
Major kong is it possible this is some kind of loyalty test you know give the go code and then recall to see who would actually go
Major kong message from base confirmed
Major Kong Rides the Bomb #dr strangelove #riding the bomb #major kong #nuke #nuclear
Mandrake
Mandrake (2)
Mandrake come here
Mandrake mandrake
May I tell you that I have a very very good idea I think I hope I pray what the recall code is
Maybe you'd better get a confirmation from base
Mein fuhrer I can walk!
Mine Fuhrer, I Can Walk #dr strangelove #peter sellers #i can walk #stanley kubrick
Missile complex seven miles east of borchov
Missile still closing distance and tracking steady
Missile still closing range distance 50 miles
Missile still closing true and steady
Missile still deflecting range four miles
Missile still tracking and closing distance range 40 miles
Missile still tracking steady and closing distance range 30 miles
Missile track deflecting
Missions 12 22 30 and 38 are reported destroyed by enemy action
Mmm i'm sorry too dmitri
Mr ambassador!
Mr president
Mr president I formally request that you have this ignorant
Mr president I think they're getting him on the line
Mr president I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens
Mr president i'm beginning to smell a big fat commie rat
Mr president i'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed
Mr president if I may advise under condition red it is standard procedure that the base be sealed off and the base defended by base security troops
Mr president if I may speak freely the russki talks big but frankly we think he's short of know how
Mr president it is not only possible it is essential
Mr president the secretary of state is in vietnam the secretary of defense is in laos and the vice president is in mexico city
Mr president the technology required is easily within the means of even the smallest nuclear power
Mr president there are one or two points i'd like to make if I may
Mr president they have the ambassador waiting upstairs
Mr president we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation
Mr president we haven't been able to reach premier kissoff in the kremlin
Mr president we must not allow a mine shaft gap!
Mr president! I think they're trying the number
My attack orders have been issued and the orders stand
My boys will give you the best kind of start 1400 megatons worth
My orders are that this base to be sealed tight and that's what I mean to do seal it tight
Nah nah we're okay here
Naturally they would breed prodigiously eh
Navigator to captain
Next to you
Nine packs of chewing gum one issue of prophylactics three lipsticks three pair of nylon stockings
No I don't
No I mean when they tortured you did you talk
No i'm certain of that i'm perfectly certain of that dmitri
No i'm perfectly serious operator the president yes the president of the united states
No i'm sure they all gave of their very best
No it is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger it
No no dmitri there must be some mistake
No no I don't know what it is no
No no jack not a bit of it
No sir it is not a thing a sane man would do
Not an exercise
Not now but any time dmitri
Nothing
Nothing nothing at all
Now five
Now general ripper is dead is he not
Now general turgidson what's going on here
Now I am going to give you three simple rules
Now I want you to transmit plan r r for robert to the wing
Now in order to prevent the enemy from issuing fake or confusing orders crm 114 is designed not to receive at all unless the message is preceded by the correct three letter code group prefix
Now it appears that the order called for the planes to attack their targets inside russia
Now jack listen while there's still time I beg you let's recall the wing and
Now just one second you just said the president
Now last and possibly most important
Now let's get this thing on the hump we got some flying to do
Now look baby I can't talk to you now my president needs me
Now look colonel bat guano if that really is your name
Now look if our air staff say its primary target is laputa and its secondary target is barchov
Now men in conclusion
Now move
Now once they fly beyond fail safe they do not require a second order to proceed
Now six an unofficial study which we undertook of this eventuality indicated that we would destroy ninety percent of their nuclear capabilities
Now the central display of russia will indicate the position of the planes
Now the president wants to speak to general ripper doesn't he
Now then a specific and clearly defined set of circumstances under which the bombs are to be exploded is programmed into a tape memory bank
Now then dmitri you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb
Now truth is not always a pleasant thing
Now why don't you just take it easy group captain
Now works out at 205
Nuclear reactors could
Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely
Nyet
Of course bucky would rather be with you
Of course it would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition
Oh all communications are dead!
Oh blast! i'm still 20 cents short
Oh good any difficulty
Oh hell are the russians involved sir
Oh how odd
Oh i'm sorry I haven't got enough change um could you uh could you make this a collect call operator
Oh no I well I don't think they wanted me to talk really I don't think they wanted me to say anything
Oh oh
Oh only commie stooges huh
Oh shoot there goes six
Oh we were just catching up on some of the general's paperwork
Oh well I don't know jack it's difficult to think of under these conditions but
Oh well I would say sir that there was something dreadfully wrong somewhere
Oh what a load of commie bull I mean after all
Oh yes I can't quite see what you're getting at jack
Oh yes sir
Oh you'll call them first will you uh huh
Okay go ahead try and get the president of the united states on the phone
Okay i'm gonna get your money for you
Okay open up at 200 yards
Old ripper wouldn't be giving us plan r unless them ruskies had already clobbered washington and a lot of other towns with a sneak attack
On no account will a commie ever drink water and not without good reason
On the floor
On top of that I don't know anything about any planes attacking russia
One drug issue containing antibiotics morphine vitamin pills pep pills sleeping pills tranquilizer pills
One miniature combination russian phrase book and bible
One our hopes for recalling the 843rd bomb wing are quickly being reduced to a very low order of probability
One where you got 20 million people killed and the other where you got 150 million people killed
Ope
Operate manual override
Operator hold on I shan't keep you a second
Operator this is group captain lionel mandrake i'm speaking from burpelson air force base
Operator uh look is it possible to make this an ordinary ordinary trunk call well what do you call it you know oh station to station
Otherwise proceed to secondary target
Otherwise we will be totally destroyed by red retaliation
Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we'd been spending on defense in a single year
Our fellows will be inside russian radar cover in about 20 minutes
Our premier is a man of the people but he is also a man if you follow my meaning
Our source was the new york times
Our studies show that even the worst fallout is down to a safe level after two weeks
Peace on earth peace on earth peace on earth poe
Perhaps it might be better mr president if you were more concerned with the american people than with your image in the history books
Personally I think it's taking things a bit too far
Plan r
Plan r for robert
Plan r is an emergency war plan in which a lower echelon commander may order nuclear retaliation after a sneak attack if the normal chain of command has been disrupted
Please sit down
Premier kissoff's calling again and he's hopping mad
Primary target the I c b m complex at laputa
Primary trigger switch override engaged
Probably bought them from the army as war surplus
Psst! mr president you gonna let that lousy commie punk vomit all over us like this
Pulse indent transponder active
Pulse indent transponder active (2)
Purity of essence poe
Push pumps up
Put your hands over your head
Put your hands up on top of your head
Radioactive half life of
Range 10 miles
Range 2o miles
Range gate on maximum scan
Range one mile missile detonated
Range two miles missile still deflecting
Read it
Regrettably yes
Release first safety
Release second safety
Reselect essential power
Right
Right (2)
Right it was directed to the 843rd bomb wing on airborne alert
Right yes
Roger
Roger (2)
Roger (3)
Roger (4)
Roger (5)
Roger (6)
Roger back up circuits switched in still negative function
Roger eight miles
Roger four miles
Roger navigator
Roger ready for final bomb run check
Roger ready to set code prefix
Roger seven miles
Roger six miles
Roger three miles
Roger uh emergency power on still negative function
Second safety
Second safety released
Secondly anyone or anything that approaches within 200 yards of the perimeter is to be fired upon
Set code prefix
Shoot a fella could have a pretty good weekend in vegas with all that stuff
Shoot it off! shoot with a gun that's what the bullets are for you twit!
Sir I have a plan
Sir if the rate of loss does not increase we have a chance to reach target 384 grid coordinate 003691 and possibly make it from there to the tango delta weather ship
Sir that's the icbm complex at kotlas
So let's get going there's no other choice
So will you please say hello to the folks that I know tell them I won't be long
Someday i'm going to make you mrs buck turgidson
Staines get premier kissoff on the hot line
Staines is everybody here
Stand by to set code prefix
Start lever to cut off cut off
Start walkin'
Start walking
Stay on the bomb run ace i'm going down below and see what I can do
Stay on the bomb run boys
Stay with me mandrake
Supposing a bit of water has gone off eh
Supposing I play a little guessing game with you jack boy
Supposing the russkies stashed away some big bombs see and we didn't when they come out in a hundred years they could take over
Surely you must recall sir when senator buford made that big hassle about our deterrent lacking credibility
Survival kit contents check in them you will find one 45 caliber automatic two boxes ammunition
Switch all receiver circuits to c r m discriminators
Switch from green grid to target orange
Switch in back up circuits
Take over ace
Target distance eight miles
Target distance five miles
Target distance four miles
Target distance seven miles
Target distance six miles
Target distance three miles
Target in sight!
Target range grid reference checks
Target reference november bravo xray 1 0 8
Target reference yankee golf tango 3 6 0
Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid
Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid (2)
Tell him to call back
Tell him where you are and that you'll enter the conversation if I say anything untrue but please don't tell him anything more than that
Tell you something else if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be
Tell you what you do
Thank you no I do not support the work of imperialist stooges
Thank you sir
That goes for every last one of you regardless of your race color or your creed
That is correct he is here on my orders
That is precisely the idea general that is precisely the idea
That is the whole idea of this machine you know
That was not an act of national policy and there are still alternatives left open to us
That's a damn lie! I saw him with my own eyes!
That's about the size of it sir
That's all i've been told
That's nice shooting soldier!
That's not meant as an insult mr ambassador
That's private property
That's the way your hard core commie works
That's what we need jack water on the back of the neck and the code
The air force never sleeps
The aircraft will begin penetrating russian radar cover within 25 minutes
The base is being put on condition red
The bomb dmitri the hydrogen bomb
The boys must have surrendered
The court of inquiry on this'll give you such a pranging you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!
The doomsday machine
The doomsday machine is designed to trigger itself automatically
The doomsday machine what is that
The duty officer asked general ripper to confirm the fact that he had issued the go code and he said
The emergency base code prefix is to be set on the dials of the c r m
The enemy may come individually or he may come in strength he may even come in the uniform of our own troops but however he comes we must stop him
The fire is out emergency power is on
The fools the mad fools
The general asks if you could possibly try again yourself
The general suggests you call general ripper the 843rd base commander
The hatch is stuck
The idea was for plan r to be a sort of retaliatory safeguard
The main gate
The officer exchange program does not give you any special prerogatives to question my orders
The other way
The people's central air defense headquarters
The planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons with an average load of 40 megatons each
The radio is gone and we're leaking fuel and if we was flying any lower why we'd need sleigh bells on this thing
The radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep
The recall code ope is being acknowledged roger by the elements of the 843 bomb wing
The squares are their secondary targets
The strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras
The string
The teleflex drive cable must be sheared away
The thing is the general is in the powder room right now
The triangles are their primary targets
The undersecretaries are all here of course
The what
The whole point of the doomsday machine is lost if you keep it a secret
The women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature
Then do you mean to tell me general that you will be unable to recall the aircraft
Then he hung up
Then I must insist sir that you give them to me
Then why haven't you radioed the planes countermanding the go code
Then you mean it is possible for them to have built such a thing
There were those of us who fought against it but in the end we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race the space race and the peace race
There will be no shocking memories and the prevailing emotion will be one of nostalgia for those left behind
There would be much time and little to do
There's a telephone box over there and the line may be open
There's just gotta be something wrong
There's no point in you getting hysterical at a moment like this
There's nothing anybody can do about this thing now
There's nothing to figure out general
These are the details
They have neither the time, training nor inclanation #strategy #tactics #general #politicians #strangelove
They say he's having a fit about that squad of mp's
They say they don't know where he is and he won't be back for another two hours
They will continue until they reach their targets
They will not reach their targets for at least another hour
They won't accept the call have you got 55 cents
They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go I was singing this song
Third if in doubt shoot first and ask questions afterwards
Thirty four planes 3p recalls acknowledged and four splashes and one of them was targeted for laputa
Thirty megaton nuclear device fused for airburst at 10000 feet
This clumsy fool attempted to plant that ridiculous camera on me
This clumsy fool tried to plant that ridiculous camera on me
This gives us a radius of action sufficient to take out primary and secondary targets
This is general ripper speaking
This is his secretary miss scott
This is preposterous i've never approved of anything like that
This is sac communications control
This is sac communications control over and out
This is the war room #stanley kubrick #you cant fight in here this is the war room #war room #cold war #fight
This is your attack profile
This man is obviously a psychotic
This will block any transmission other than those preceded by a code prefix
Those boys were like my children now they've let me down
Three when they do they are gonna go absolutely ape and they're gonna strike back with everything they got
To ensure that the enemy cannot monitor voice transmission or plant false transmission the c r m 114 is to be switched into all receiver circuits
Today the nation is counting on us we are not going to let them down
Total commitment
Track indicators to maximum deflection
Track indicators to maximum deflection (2)
Transfer switches
Transferred
Try b86543 moscow
Try one of these jamaican cigars ambassador they're pretty good
Twenty megaton nuclear device will be used if first malfunctions
Two can play at that game soldier
Two in less than 15 minutes from now the russkies will be making radar contact with the planes
Uh bomb door circuits negative function lights red
Uh bomb fusing master safeties on electronic barometric time and impact
Uh burpelson 39180
Uh i'm not a sentimentalist at all by nature but I think I know what's in every heart in this room

Viral
Funny