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Home > Jimmy Carr Soundboard
Great. Is it acceptable to kill a whale in order to save 2 pandas? That's about 90%, yes, I would say this evening. You thought, yeah, fuck it.
I had a relationship with a blind girl which was rewarding but challenging. Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
I told my girlfriend my ultimate sexual fantasy was to have two women at the same time, and she agreed. But then she was livid when I told her she wasn't either of.
I was in bed with a woman recently, she said. I want tonight. To be magical. And it was. After we made love, I disappeared.
I would. I would think about adoption. I don't have kids, but if I had kids, I think I would have them adopted.
I've got a theory as to why women buy so many shoes. It's because they spend so much time on their feet. Walking around the shops. Buying shoes.
If you're scared of pedophiles, grow up.
It's very difficult to get the first kiss right. You wanna be firm but gentle. You wanna be manly, but you don't wanna wake her up.
My girlfriend's a very deep sleeper you you can't wake her up, which has got his advantages. She's gonna be thrilled when I tell her she's pregnant.
People, people ask what's the most important thing in a relationship? And I think trust because if you're with a woman and you don't know 100% trust her, how do you know she's not going to tell you...
The reason old men use Viagra is not because they're impotent. It's because old women are so very ugly.
Would you fuck your dad to save your mum?