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Home > A Series of Unfortunate Events...
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
A prospective spouse must be chronologically sound and appropriate
A smarty pants boy like you ought to be able to figure out that
About Dr. Montgomery.
According to your deceased parents' will.
Actually, I'm about to be rather wealthy. So if you'll excuse me...
After all of those shredded beef tamales I served to your husband?
After all the secrets we had shared?
Ah, here's the turn.
Alas, poor Sunny.
All we've got to do is use the sail to catch the wind
Although it was only a few hours ago.
And as the Baudelaires would discover,
And faked my own death.
And he's employed as an actor, so you know his excitement is genuine.
And how it matches the V in Violet she wrote in the note
And I hope that you'll find them.
And I'm reasonably certain that doorbells and telephones are safe
And if you haven't... you cannot possibly imagine it.
And in this snow bank.
And in this snow bank...
And it seems like our parents really wanted us here.
And its look at the world is oversimplified and often incorrect.
And learning how to prepare roast beef.
And nobody will even know what we're doing
And now you're jumping to the conclusion
And now you've come back to finish the job
And placed them into their mouths
And severe lack of theatrical talent.
And so... as I used to say to my dearest friend,
And someone who hears it knows something,
And Sunny banged on a pot with a wooden spoon,
And that enormous fortune is mine
And the odd behavior of Klaus Baudelaire
And the world's greatest actor
And this is where you will sleep, orphans.
And we all know Stephano does not work alone.
And we'd be abandoning those workers. They're victims of Dr. Orwell, too.
And what have I done all these years?
And who is Mr. Poe going to believe?
As Violet, Klaus and Sunny arrived at their brunch with Count Olaf,
At Mulctuary Money Management if you need me for anything.
Aunt Josephine wrote it's as in it is,
Bambini. It's Italian for children.
Because I have no inventive or mechanical skill whatsoever.
Because I was gonna take the bread that was cut up
Because of your quick thinking, I only have a small cut on my foot.
Because the word fire
Because you...
Before I knew it, the leeches were attacking me.
Beg your pardon?
Besides, if he does slip away...
Better than I can waltz.
Better than nothing
But Aunt Josephine said she liked to think of her husband someplace hot.
But even the most intelligent people sometimes need the help of a banker.
But I loved the fact that it was in black and white.
But not both. Do you understand?
But once and for all, we can see the note is not a forgery.
But standoffish isn't one of them.
But that piece of paper's not an official document.
But then I also had third thoughts,
But they can restrain the heartless.
But to try to rescue his siblings from a terrible predicament
But you have to look on the bright side.
Can you show me what the specific issues are?
Corruption, pollen... or common decency.
Dear me, dear me.
Didn't contain a monster
Do not take a sailboat that does not belong to you.
Do something!
Do you recognize any of these people?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Don't want to miss the previews.
Drive home, of course.
During tomorrow night's performance?
Especially if, like the Baudelaires,
Even I don't like reading such books, and I work at the High Court.
Everyone thought you were dead, and in your will and testament,
Fine, thank you.
Fire! Fire!
For example, your first impression of me may be that I am a terrible person.
For standing ovation?
For the walking dead
Fortunately, the Baudelaires were about to learn
From the comfort of your own home.
Get a hold of yourself!
Get out of the way!
Goodness gracious, Violet, you have huge, ugly, red patches on your skin
Guess I'll get it myself.
Had all the apocryphal insight of Thurgood Marshall
Handing out cannoli to incontinent adults on the new accounts desk.
He ate them all.
He forced me to do that.
He found himself reading the same sentence over and over.
He was hyp...
He would never operate a machine without reading the manual first.
Help me! Help me!
Here we go.
Hmm. Baudelaires?
How can we overcome our differences...
How quickly we fall into old routines.
How was your day?
However, I can sip my tea knowing that Sunny Baudelaire
However, the sad history of the Baudelaire orphans
I am a mountain of parcels.
I am never taking a partner again. From now on, Count Olaf works alone!
I am zombie.
I believe that part.
I can think of a way.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe your parents never told you about me.
I can't imagine that you know anyone in South America,
I don't know about that.
I don't know.
I don't mean to seem like a lonely woman
I don't pay you in gum to stand around gabbing!
I don't understand.
I forgot all about Gustav.
I give and I give to my public
I guess we got used to looking at it through Aunt Josephine's eyes.
I have an appointment for a haircut right now.
I hope he's telling Count Olaf that his plot is foiled and he's done for.
I hope so anyway, because I've just received a promotion.
I hope you brought food. I'm out.
I knew that. I was testing you
I know he's certainly very eager to meet you.
I know what your sister means, Violet.
I polished the tortoise and Sunny fed it some bananas
I promise this isn't goodbye.
I saw a scary movie like that once.
I thought we knew everything about them.
I thought you were marrying the older one.
I want to emphasize straightaway that the Baudelaire fortune
I want to talk to you about something.
I wish I had an inventor here.
I wish I knew
I wonder if Count Olaf's troupe will enjoy this meal
I'd say things are looking up, up..
I'll just have a glass of water, thank you
I'll touch whatever I want.
I'm a poor receptionist who lives all alone
I'm afraid this marriage is entirely binding.
I'm all alone.
I'm going to introduce the incredibly deadly viper,
I'm here on business.
I'm just kidding, just kidding,
I'm keeping an eye on things best I can, but...
I'm not supposed to talk about it,
I'm probably more upset
I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm terribly sorry, children
I'm trying to get into character.
I'm very, very sorry to have to tell you this...
I've never been through anything like this myself,
If I hadn't lost those orphans, I'd be getting a promotion right now.
If only this world weren't such a wicked and topsy turvy place...
If you are interested in stories with happy endings,
If you guys are partners, you should be able to stand up to him.
Imagination's all well and good
In case of an unfortunate event.
In loco parentis
Inside the private, somewhat ill decorated office of Mr. Poe
Instead of when you come of age.
It certainly is so strange to find a child missing,
It is now necessary for me to use the hackneyed phrase,
It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus and Sunny felt
It is very useful, whether one is young or in late middle age,
It sounds like Latin.
It was a sure sign that the pulleys, levers and gears of her inventing mind
It was in its cage
It will build character.
It will now
It's actually quite similar.
It's chicken. Boiled chicken.
It's ginger, I believe. We're here.
It's gonna take more than a hurricane to keep us from our children.
It's just Count Olaf.
It's mostly law books, but there are sections on everything
It's my turn.
It's not an accident. You're doing this on purpose!
It's perfect for cold lime stew.
It's... it's just a stage prop.
Josephine Anwhistle had been thrown overboard to the leeches,
Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it isn't so.
Just make small talk while I get my sweater
Justice Strauss, you are about to find your drab, legal beagle existence
Justice Strauss?
Klaus Baudelaire, I have a feeling there are many things
Klaus was not reading for his own enjoyment,
Klaus, you're still wearing those idiotic glasses
Klaus, your tongue is swelling
Lands on the Venus flytrap,
Leeches are very small animals.
Let me eat cake
Let me show you.
Let's gather everything we might need.
Let's not split hairs. That's Klaus' job.
Life is a conundrum of esoterica
Like, for example, tear their hair out with my bare hands.
Listen to us. Count Olaf is..
Literally is a word which here means that something is actually happening,
Maybe 2.5 miles outside of Paltryville,
Maybe you could think back to a time
Me. Your henchman with the...
Meanwhile back at the ranch.
Molotov cocktail.
Morality cannot be legislated, but behavior can be regulated.
Most everything that happened to them was rife
Mother always said we'd catch a man at the movies.
Mother used to say, Home is where you hang your hat.
Must be another way out of here.
My name is not, uh... Nothing but Stephano.
My scientific library.
My sister has ten toes, like the vast majority of people
Nice try.
No, no. We can go home by ourselves.