Life of Brian (1979) Soundboard Edit

A man shall strike his donkey and his nephew's donkey

A member of the terrorist organization, the People's Front of Judea

A teenager called Brian

Aah!

All praise to thee, now and always!

Always look on the bright side of life

Always look on the light side of life

Always look on the right side of life

And hands and feet

And if he doesn't agree immediately, we execute her.

And if you keep your backs hard up against the cross beam,

And Pilate's wife's bedroom is here.

And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense.

And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing

And the bezan shall be huge and black...

And the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures!

And the whoring shall be on the head of Addius.

And the young shall not know where lieth...

And things started to grow

As he has a bad back.

Beard, madame?

Brian

Cast off the shoes. Follow the gourd!

Centurion, do you have anyone of that name in the garrison?

Centuwion, why do they titter so?

Come on! Who threw that?

Coming.

Follow the gourd, the Holy Gourd of Jerusalem!

For harboring a known criminal?

For what you're doing for us, Brian,

Four? For this gourd?

Good shot! Bravo!

Grew up to be

Grew up to be

Grew, grew and grew

Grew, grew and grew

Hail Messiah!

Hail to thee, mother of Brian!

He doesn't know what they were called!

He had arms and legs

He has given us his shoe!

He was certainly no

He's not coming out, and that's my final word.

Hello?

How blessed are those who hunger and thirst...

However, I have been asked to read the following prepared statement...

I know, sir, but

I want to have babies.

I'm a Roman! Il can prove it! Honestly!

I'm gonna give you one more chance

I'm sorry, Reg.

Incurables, you'll just have to wait for a few minutes.

Is between...

It's happening, Reg! Something's actually happening, Reg!

Just leave me alone!

Larks' tongues. Wren's livers.

Lay your hands on me, quick!

Leave him alone!

Life's a piece of shit when you look at it

My fwiend Biggus Dickus has come all the way from Wome.

My nose is knackered.

No, no, the Romans!

No, no. Please. Please, please listen

Nothing will come from nothing. You know what they say?

Now, this is the palace on Caesar's Square.

Of course! They're juniper bushes! What do you expect!

Oh, come on, Brian. They're gonna stone him before we get there.

Oh, just go away and leave me alone!

Oh, shut up!

Oh, tell me what to say, please!

Oh, thank you.

On young Brian and show

Other things just make you swear and curse.

Really!

Reg, our glorious leader and founder of the P.F.J.,

Right. Now item four: Attainment of world supremacy within the next five years.

Right. Now we have 140. Nice, round number, eh, Biggus?

Right. Now, don't do it again.

Right. This is the plan.

Right. Who threw that?

Samson the Sadducee Strangler, sir. Uh, Silus the Assyrian Assassin.

Shhh. Shhh.

Silence! What is all this insolence?

So what are you worrying about? There you are. See?

Thank you. Goodbye

That's not the point. We thought of it before you

The Judean People's Front!

The man they called Brian

The shoe is the sign. Let us follow his example.

They shall have the earth for their possession.

To what, sir?

We We need doers in our movement, Brian,

Welease Bwian! Welease Bwian!

Well done, sergeant.

Well, don't worry. You've not seen the last of us, weirdo.

Well, if you're dropping by again, do pop in.

Well, it's just that they're in a rather funny mood today, sir.

Well, what Jesus fails to appreciate is it's the meek who are the problem.

Well, where's Reg?

What

What's funny about Biggus Dickus?

Which I regard as very fair in view of what I've done.

Wolf's nipple chips. Get 'em while they're hot. They're lovely.

Wome is your fwiend.

Yes, we're all individuals!

You are to be stoned to death.

You don't need to follow anybody.

You don't need to follow me.

You have been found guilty by the elders of the town...

You lucky bastard.

A Woman? No, no. Roman

Aah! Oh, look at that! Bloody favoritism.

Are you a virgin? I beg your pardon!

Blasphemy! He said it again!

Brian? Judith?

But you can't have babies. Don't you oppress me.

Come on, out! No, no. We must see him.

Did you hear him?

Education. Yeah, all right. Fair enough

Give the flowers a chance. I'll give you one for it.

Guard! Nail some sense into him!

He's a wobber!

Holes from every bitch you got germs from Jumbo jets

I want you to move me to another cell.

I'm sorry. Bit of a hurry.

Judean People's Front! Wankers

Judges. Judges.

lncontinentia Buttocks.

ls that his gourd? Yeah, but it's under offer.

Mum! I don't know what the world's coming to.

Naughtius Maximus.

No, he's not. An unbeliever!

No, it isn't! Cast it away!

No, you don't. Why won't he tell?

Out! Gold, frankincense, myrrh.

Seize him! Leave him alone!

Ten! It is his gourd!

The gourd! Hold up the sandal, as he has commanded us

They were called Simon and Adrian. You said you didn't know!

This praising. No, no, no, no.

Uh, a bit thundery, sir. Take him away

Vroom, like a rat out of an aqueduct! The bastard!

We were here first.

Well I know where to get it, if you want it.

What happened to the Popular Front? He's over there

What? I said, don't pass judgement on other people...

What? Judean People's Front!

What? Let us, like him, hold up one shoe!

What? Thwow him to the floor again, sir?

What's he doing here? Don't start that, Brian. Go and clean your room out.

What's the matter with him? Says the birds are scrounging.

Who's that?

Yeah Shh! Shh! Shut up!