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Home > Night Court - Season 1
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
A bit too unconventional, some say.
Actually, she's quite literate and very expressive.
Always takes me a couple of weeks to wind down after Christmas.
And if you can't see that now..
And it's the same with what I did
And my name was at the bottom of a list of a thousand candidates.
And this is Dan's apartment.
And what stops that? Honestly, I don't know what to do.
At least I'm not some bluenose hypocrite who talks real righteous..
At least we agree on something.
Be that as it may, Judge Stone is older than you think.
Because I have stood next to death, and people liked him better.
Being in the path of my father's stare
Bernie the human. Got it.
Besides, no bad luck has befallen me...
Blocky and Lefty must be caught in traffic.
Blumberg was unimpressed and told him to leave.
Boy, does this bring back memories.
Bull said he could have a duplicate key made by morning.
Bull, where did that baby come from?
Bull, you listen to me...
Bull's neighbor left her baby with him while she went off to a job interview.
Bullets, Bernie. I got those too.
But dinner?
But Mr. Mary Poppins in there won't believe it.
But they don't ask me quite as often anymore.
But what do I know?
Can I go now?
Come on, everybody. Let's go and let this boy get some sleep
Come on. If a fool at the Volunteer Fathers of America says they don't want you...
Court stands in recess.
Cover me.
Does anybody understand what I'm saying here?
Don't be silly. I'm not as stupid as I look.
Don't make me bring it up.
Emerson, I've got to go. I'll see you later.
Everything's locked up, Your Honor.
Fine. I'll just stroll on over there to my hole...
Fixing windows and puttering around the house.
For a minute there, I actually believed him.
Get the idea?
Gil Hodges.
Go on, Mr. Dipstick... I mean...
Good work.
Harry, listen, maybe you were right before. I mean, the bomb was a fake, wasn't it?
Harry, Your Honor, I've got great news.
Have you ever tried smiling?
He left here in...
He looks like he hasn't slept in a month.
He's hungry. I gotta go get some food at the corner store.
He's not like you.
He's pretty much a homebody, I guess you'd say.
Heads again. It's your lucky day.
Here it is.
Hi, gang. Hot enough for you?
Hi, Mom.
Him. Ernie.
His first word, yeah.
How about maggot sandwich?
How are you?
How could anybody possibly abandon a helpless little guy like this?
How disruptive worship and adulation can be.
How is your fiancé?
I admit that it's possible that she's not your mother...
I am a human being!
I am really bored.
I can't talk to Emerson, not after what you did to me.
I couldn't stop it.
I don't know any more about love than the next guy.
I don't know.
I don't understand a word you're saying.
I don't want anything from you.
I feel like we're prying.
I figured if I stay off of it a week or so, it'll heal very nicely. Thank you.
I got the file on Harold Stone.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I know a couple of shortcuts out of here.
I know he's sick!
I know she will.
I know your name. I know your brand.
I know. Thanks, Mitch.
I lost my contact lens when I was here before.
I made it myself. Durable, inexpensive, easy to patch.
I mean, I'm engaged.
I really did go for that job interview like I said.
I said, he is not here.
I think we found another word he knows.
I understand you're diverting yourself. I mean, it's very hard to handle...
I used to help people too.
I wouldn't mention "the bigger they are, the harder they fall."
I'd be delighted.
I'd have to step down
I'll be right back.
I'll find that rabbit's foot if it's the last thing I do.
I'll make out a court order, and we'll contact the proper authorities.
I'll never love anyone the way I love you...
I'm a nudist.
I'm going for an ambulance
I'm going to sentence you for contempt of court.
I'm just talking, folks. You get it?
I'm right here, Yakov.
I'm so excited. I'm gonna meet Jennifer Black.
I'm sure he must be a real nerd.
I've got this blurry 30 year old photograph. Could be her.
If I could just get you to sign right here.
If I'd like?
If you don't see what you want, I can order it for you.
In fact, I have your father's file in my desk drawer, Anthony.
International crises threaten us with the possibility of nuclear holocaust...
Is that his arrest jacket?
Is that you, officer? Thank God I found you.
Is there anything I can do?
Isn't an introduction in order?
It says "peanut brittle."
It was just a silly old thing, anyway. I'll be fine.
It would be an honor...
It's forgivable. Look, I'm not upset. I'm smiling
It's your turn to buy.
Jail? No jail. No! No jail!
Judge Stone
Judge Stone, we are entrusted with a lot of responsibilities in our job.
Let me show you a trick with a red ball.
Life in the fast lane, huh?
Life is an adventure. Let's face it.
Look, it's probably just a youthful offender thing if the file is sealed.
Lou Pinella.
Louise has been trying. This dude won't give her a chance.
Maybe he's holding down a second job.
Maybe he's sick.
Maybe it's time they did.
Miss Williams, I'm afraid there's nothing more I can do now...
Mom, can we not go into this now, please?
Mr. McKenzie, do you have anything else to say in your defense?
My client is obviously unbalanced.
My, what a proportionate place you have
Nice catch.
No New York. Sonya Leningrad.
No, not like you.
No, nothing happened. I just got a little lost for a while.
No. His court clerk is sick, and I'm filling in for her tomorrow.
No. I'll take care of that.
No. No, thank you.
Not yet, Sheila. Good evening, Daniel.
Off the record?
Oh, come on, I'm kidding.
Oh, I'm a little over 900 years old.
Oh, listen.
Oh, Liz told me about the store owner...
Oh, Ma.
Oh, yeah?
Okay, you let it ride till breakfast.
Or you're gonna get tired and accidentally kill us both.
Pass the red stuff.
Perfectly fine, thank you.
Put the bang bangs away and get out.
Right, but I'm also a judge
Romance has sort of been replaced by a really good night's sleep?
Seven years?
Sex takes place between the ears. You need a bond.
Shoot, "shmoot." I fired straight up in the air.
Sir, don't worry.
So am I, Dan. I really am.
Sorry. I didn't know you could hear that.
Stop it.
Story here about a man who ate nothing but seaweed for three years.
Tails, we let her go.
Take care.
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thanks, Bull. Good night.
That is Jennifer Black, one of the biggest rock stars around
That man cares for you, Eddie.
That's it.
That's very touch...
That's what Emerson wants.
The defense wants heads, Your Honor!
The man at the pet store told me I overfed them, though.
The object here is to prevent that from happening
The place is a circus
The police are still checking his fingerprints.
Their chromosomes aren't normal, and they all look like Slinkys.
Their wants, their needs...
Then we're even.
Then what are you doing?
There's gotta be ways to find out.
They both, in their own ways...
Things were tough for me then.
This is nothing official, folks.
This is the kind you answer.
This may seem a little untraditional at first...
This nut thinks he's Santa Claus.
This time.
Uncle Otto. How many thumbs did he have?
Very young.
Wait a minute, I gotta get close to Harry.
We are not gonna leave you here alone.
We'll just rough out a sample agreement.
Well, as long as we're waiting
Well, I've taken up enough of your time.
Well, if you'll all excuse me...
Well, so you did.
Well, there were some okay times.
What is this? I don't get "hello" or a "how are you."
What's the matter with you people?
What's the matter with you?
Who might that be?
Why would you do that?
Will you help us, Bull? It's pretty bad.
Yeah, I'm okay.
Yeah, Jennifer, I'm a really big fan, and I've got every...
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, well, what if it is? How do you know all that anyway?
Yeah. In fact, there was this bird on The Merv Griffin Show...
Yeah. Open it.
Yeah. Reminds me of a guy I saw once...
Yes, doctor, she took them about an hour ago.
Yes, ma'am. Come in.
You attached him to the mattress, Your Honor.
You can talk while you're doing this. Come on. Come on, come on.
You got 24 hours to get you and your antiques out of my apartment.
You have had a very powerful reaction to a medication..
You know what's even weirder than that is I once knew a guy named Fresca.
You look a little young to be a judge.
You mean?
You were generally concerned with my welfare.
You'll be able to see him from your window.
You're a fake.