National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) Soundboard Edit

After that long drive, we could use a little private time together

And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark

And your house is always parked in the same place.

Are you okay? Yeah.

Audrey.

But this is a terrible night. Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster.

By the way, I hope my report helped out at the trade show

Can I show you something?

Clark, I couldn't do that. No, no, we insist.

Clark, slow down!

Clark, stop it! I don't want to spend the holidays dead.

Clark, what do you need a hammer for?

Dad, can you explain again what we're doing?

Dad, that thing wouldn't fit in our yard. It's not going in our yard, Russ

Dad, they're back.

Dad.

Dad. Dad.

Dear, dear Francis.

Do you see this mole? This mole on my neck?

Drum roll. Just kidding.

For your wife or your girlfriend?

Get off me, you little fungus.

God rest her soul. Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Gonna blow it on yourself, I hope. Me? Heck, no.

He was a huge, beastly, bulging man and

He's cute, ain't he? Problem is, he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him.

Her eyes are frozen.

Here's the heart.

Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here.

His kids can fend for themselves. No, your kids.

Hotter than they are

I heard on the news that a pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way in from New York.

I know, Art, and thanks for noticing.

I really shouldn't. My hands are all chapped.

I thought so. Well, maybe we ought to go up there and just get

I want to take off these clothes, sit with a glass of wine and kiss your body.

I'm sure it did, Grisball.

I've still got some homework to do. Do the laundry. Wash the car.

If he isn't farting around with his lights, he must be inside.

If you don't tell me what they want, I'll go out and get it on my own

Is it plugged in?

It is warm in here. You have your coat on.

It looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.

It's a good, quality item.

It's just that I know how you build things up in your mind, Sparky.

Jeez! Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. Brush my teeth. Feed the hog.

Listen. Doesn't Nora look old? You promised.

Made pretty good time.

Mark. Clark.

Me?

My...

No.

Not that good, actually.

Nothing like waiting till the last minute, huh? Did you get yours?

Oh, dear. Did I break wind?

Oh, I know that, Eddie. This isn't charity. It's family

Oh, I was just looking for something

Oh, I'm fine. I'm just fine.

Oh, knock on the door. Lift up the ladder.

Oh, my God, you're putting in a pool.

Oh, no. I'm not one for charity, now.

Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

Oh, shit!

Oh, the crunch enhancer? Yeah, it's a non nutritive cereal varnish.

Play ball!

Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional.

Sewer gas.

Sparky? Yes, honey.

Thank you.

That was beautiful

That's something, ain't it? You pet him on the belly...

The moon on the new fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below

This tree is the symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Christmas.

Vacations. Graduations.

We can't let it get out of the living room.

We have plenty of room.

We needed a tree

We're all right! Thank God, we're all right!

We're gonna have a wonderful Christmas

Well, I just You just cocked it up.

Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

What did I say, nipple?

When did you move to Florida?

When have I ever done that?

Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box?

With this bonus check, I'm putting in a swimming pool.

Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic, getting cured off the Wild Turkey.

Yeah, I hope it's a fortune, Clark.

You serious, Clark?

You smell something?

You're forgetting how difficult it's gonna be...

You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that.

Your bonus. My bonus.

...an angel gets his wings.

...and are satisfied with scrawny, overpriced trees...

...I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.

...if to get it you have to hurt the ones you depend on.

...ignorant, bloodsucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless...

...somehow I'm gonna prove it to you.

...tied to his wrists and ankles. What the ?

...to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape...

...with all the other rich people, and I want him right here.

...worm headed sack of monkey shit he is!