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Home > Chappelle's Show - Season 3
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
A baller?
A little time out for Gary.
A lot of things have happened.
A staten island man is listed in stable condition tonight
About America's premiere casting agent.
About not wearing no pants around the house?
About the negative/positive comments.
About what happened between us.
About what that girl said before
Actually, I was talking about mummies.
Africa Africa?
After a brutal assault by rapper method man
Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Ah, you people are always late.
Ain't this a bitch.
All hip hop ain't exactly newsworthy in my opinion.
All right, come on y'all, let's get out of here.
All right, here it comes.
All right, I didn't say nothing,
All right, I need a minute, girl.
All right, man, let me get my checkbook
All right, open 'em!
All right, what's your comment?
All right, you all set.
All right.
All right. But for $11,000...
All the sketches were funny.
All these years I walked around with that weight
And besides, I am a sagittarius.
And black and white observations!
And both of us had our own "ka chung!" Moment.
And Dave had to find out a real crazy way
And even if it is being a responsible comedy show,
And fried chicken is bad.
And he thought he saw the pixie again.
And he's legit now.
And hear you guys, you know,
And his greasy granny has holes in her panties!
And I always knew from the bottom of my heart
And I might say, "flip over."
And I really don't like doing that anymore.
And I support the president.
And I think I'm about to get that promotion.
And I want you to know that I'm really sorry
And I wish you wouldn't bring it up.
And I'll throw in the Jesus air freshener for free.
And I'm gonna be like this, "byah!"
And I'm gonna chop that motherfucking desk in half!
And I'm here to say a few words
And I'm quoting her, "it."
And I'm really just trying to focus on what my life is now.
And I'm, like I like comedy.
And I've always appreciated that about this show.
And immediately identify the solution.
And it gets people talking and laughing.
And it's funny to hear Dave chappelle do it,
And laugh at each other like that.
And left it for, like, 40 minutes
And left it for, like, 40 minutes.
And look, look
And most of all, thanks for helping us all
And nobody can find toilet paper?
And north Dakota and new Mexico!
And not just black people always feeling like
And not only is his daughter a lesbian,
And now I feel like you lifted it.
And now it's like he's in the room
And now, a hip hop newsbreak with Chuck Taylor.
And of course, the method man.
And Oregon and Washington and Michigan!
And put him in a headlock and say, "bah!"
And see how people communicate,
And she be like, "how'd melle Mel get in the bed?"
And shit just gets weird.
And so as long as we're thinking about it, it's a good thing.
And special interests.
And talk about it and make it funny.
And that was a white guy too.
And that, you know, they listen to rock music,
And that's not baller to me.
And that's really preachy, I feel,
And the fact is, worldwide, white people are the
And the funny thing, like, before Dave had all this money,
And then
And then he stuck it in his ass real slow.
And then I'm coming all the way to Washington, D.C.
And then I'm gonna grab the secret service like this
And then I'm gonna wash up. I'm gonna wash up.
And then we're going straight into my bedroom,
And then we're going to Washington, D.C.
And then, he sewed my asshole shut.
And they call you minority
And they fell off the back of a truck.
And they're like, "Connecticut,"
And two, makes my dookie twinkle, man.
And watermelon is a delicious fruit.
And we like shuckin' and jive."
And we're going to California and Texas and New York!
And what's the what's the other big word they like to use?
And when they do talk about us, what word do they use?
And whenever there's a bill to be split up,
And why don't you see these nuts?
And you figured the reason why they ain't like you
And you, you fuckin' gauze wrapped, stanky ass,
And your hyundai's all set.
And, I mean, I'm *******, and whenever I go out,
And, like, everybody should just be easy.
And, like, I understand it.
And, like, sometimes I feel like they say certain things
And, remember, no matter how big his dick is,
And, you know, a white person turns around says,
Another big scandal was the Gary Coleman scandal.
Are black or brown.
As a hispanic person, I don't think it's any different
As black men, we have to stick together.
As we all know, money changes everything, right?
As you may or may not have heard,
Ashy Larry?
At least I can button my lip.
At least you run the God damn world.
At one point during the altercation,
At this point, method man is still at large,
Aw, c'mon dog.
Aw, come on, man, the sign say $28.
Aw, man, I'm about to be late again!
Aw, never gon' make it, man.
Aw, shut up, slave.
Ay, c'mon, man, you scratching your balls over my breakfast!
B.E.T.'S top ten live.
Back in the game, baby!
Banning you from the club was the biggest mistake
Be strong.
Because I've been wanting to apologize to you for years.
Because of the hard work I put in,
Because our stereotypes are more absurd, some people feel.
Because we all think about it,
Because you were afraid of the way, you know,
Because, you know, fried chicken, it's all light,
Before it gets you fucked up?
Bitch. What...
Both of you...
Brown musicians!
But don't take my word for it.
But I don't really want to come to the office
But I hold in my hand an advertisement
But I just want you to know that I'm sorry...
But I think the problems lies in the ignorant people at home
But I want y'all to know somethin'.
But I'm about to get promoted anyway.
But if you watch Dave chappelle, you see this sketch,
But it plays on the good stereotypes of white people.
But one of the shows I hate on tv the most,
But some of the issues
But that's not bad.
But the chicken's quite good.
But the fact is, in this state,
But the only problem is, yeah, you included everybody,
But the white race is seen as more of like the generic race,
But then you see a sketch like this,
But to play on the "we like chicken,
But you on tv, son. Fuck it, man.
But your greed did this to me, Dave.
But, see, I like to cut the middleman.
But, you know, he kind of makes it comfortable to talk about it.
Byah! Byah!
Byah! Got you all a check
Byah! I love lesbians! Byah!
C'mon, dog, listen, this is the first date I had
Can I be honest with you for a second, papa?
Can we interest you in anything else today
Carr her rara.
Carr her rara.
Chappelle's show after commercial.
Charlie Murphy is not mad at Dave chappelle.
Check her pockets.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Check this out.
Check this out.
Check this out.
Check this out.
Check this shit out.
Check this shit out.
Check this shit out.
Come on, girl. Push.
Come on, homes, it's fucking leopard, man.
Come on, let's get it over with.
Come on, motherfuckers. Keep up.
Come on, talk to me!
Congratulations on all your success.
Congratulations on two good seasons.
Crunking with his bitch's emotions this July 11th.
Damn fool
Damn it.
Damn slave!
Damn this b.E.T.
Damn, that shit stinks.
Dave chappelle cereal!
Dave chappelle, going twice...
Dave chappelle.
Dave said he has some problems with the pixie sketch.
Dave, I don't know what to say.
Dave, I'm running out of ideas here.
Do me a favor, squirt, run get your mom.
Do you know what you'd like for your in flight meal?
Do you think about it like, "I wasn't being an asshole.
Do you want a sandwich?
Do you?
Do you?
Don't clap too soon.
Don't freak her!
Don't you worry. Must've drank a 40 ounce.
Donnell rawlings and Charlie Murphy!
Down to... Byah!
Each of these bitches is 4 million years old apiece, son.
Eddie Murphy's brother.