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Home > 22 Jump Street (2014)
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22 Jump Street (2014)

22 Jump Street (2014)

22 Jump Street is a hilarious action-comedy film that was released in 2014. Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, the movie serves as a sequel to the hit film, 21 Jump Street, and follows the adventures of two unlikely police officers who go undercover as college students to solve a drug trafficking case. The subject of this article is indeed a movie, which is known for its comedic performances, thrilling action sequences, and memorable cast.

The film stars Jonah Hill as Officer Schmidt and Channing Tatum as Officer Jenko, the dynamic duo assigned to infiltrate a local college and bring down the drug ring. The chemistry between Hill and Tatum is palpable, with their comedic timing and delivery being a major highlight of the movie. Their hilarious banter and contrasting personalities make for an entertaining watch throughout the film.

As the story progresses, Schmidt and Jenko navigate the challenges of college life while attempting to track down the drug suppliers. They soon find themselves immersed in a web of college parties, fraternities, and student life. The movie expertly treads the line between comedy and action, delivering laugh-out-loud moments alongside exhilarating chase scenes and intense confrontations.

One of the standout features of 22 Jump Street is its self-awareness. The film cleverly acknowledges its status as a sequel and satirizes Hollywood's tendency to replicate successful formulas. This meta-humor is evident in the movie's tagline, "They're not 21 anymore," which playfully nods to the fact that Schmidt and Jenko are no longer undercover in high school like in the previous film. The self-awareness extends further, often poking fun at sequels throughout the narrative, making for an incredibly enjoyable viewing experience.

The supporting cast of 22 Jump Street is equally impressive. Ice Cube reprised his role as Captain Dickson, the no-nonsense police commander who provides both humor and guidance to Schmidt and Jenko. The film also features witty performances from Jillian Bell as Maya, Amber Stevens West as Maya's roommate, and Wyatt Russell as Zook, a football player who becomes a key element of the investigation.

The soundtrack of 22 Jump Street perfectly complements the high-energy nature of the film. With an eclectic mix of hip-hop, electronic, and pop music, the soundtrack becomes an integral part of the movie's fast-paced and humorous tone. From artists like Diplo, Wiz Khalifa, and Duck Sauce, the music adds an extra layer of excitement to the film, enhancing pivotal scenes and making the experience even more enjoyable.

If you're looking to relive the laughter and excitement of 22 Jump Street, you can play and download the film from various online platforms and streaming services. By doing so, you can enjoy the brilliant performances, tight-knit storyline, and humorous dialogues whenever you want.

In conclusion, 22 Jump Street is a comedic gem that masterfully combines action, humor, and self-awareness. Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum deliver unforgettable performances as the undercover duo Schmidt and Jenko, bringing laughter to the audience with their comedic chemistry. The film's meta-humor and clever satirical jabs at sequels elevate it beyond a typical comedy and make it a must-watch for fans of the genre. With a stellar supporting cast and an energetic soundtrack, 22 Jump Street is an entertaining and enjoyable film that will leave you laughing long after the credits roll.

A bazooka?
A grenade. Why you gonna put it there?
A little seed needs to fly away free and find its soil.
A lone superstar.
A lot of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going.
A relationship is something that requires constant work.
Act like you have bullets, then.
Actually, we watched it a couple times.
All right, all right.
All right, art major.
All right, enough is enough. Boys, move in!
All right, fine, I guess I'll just drag you.
All right, I'll just sit here and be silent.
All right, later.
All right, man. Look, I'm just gonna... I'm coming.
All right, new assignment.
All right, so what would you...
All right, we're gonna lose 'em in the robotics lab.
All right, with everything that happened with Cynthia and WhyPhy,
All right? And when I'm with you, it just feels like you hold me down.
All right? I just think it's healthy right now for us to try it.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. I hate people who are late.
All right. Think you can stand on your own now?
All right...
All the good qualities you have, I can feel inside of Maya.
All we have to do now is rush the frat long enough
Already got cum on the mattress, dawg.
Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier that you didn't acknowledge...
And a surprise start today for walk on freshman Brad McQuaid.
And as the clock ticks down, we've got time for one last play.
And Coach hated it. And so he cemented them in.
And connects with McQuaid!
And find out who the dealer is.
And get married, right, Rooster?
And guess what, we're cops.
And he hangs on for the touchdown!
And he smiled at you, but you are completely blind to the fact...
And I admire it, and I know he's your brother.
And I felt bad for her, so I told her I would room with her.
And I got a big ass raise to babysit you two fuckers again.
And I saw that he pays tuition for a student at MC State.
And I want you to be on it with me.
And I was worried that they got the wrong guy for it.
And I'll text you, three to five minutes or something?
And if that happens, WhyPhy is going viral.
And if you know the person, you might be able to call them a "queer."
And if you rat me out, I framed my psych prof just for giving me a B minus.
And in exchange, we wrote her logic paper for her.
And no one will tell us anything.
And not partners.
And now she's dead.
And now, for my favourite event.
And overlooking, or even ignoring, contradictory information.
And she went to the school shrink three times a week.
And shut up. Right?
And Swiper.
And talk about some important stuff.
And that's what we have, we have fire.
And the crowd rushes the field to try and knock down a goalpost.
And the dealers check out the books.
And the Statesmen take the field
And the Statesmen win, 34 14.
And then all these fans just started going, like...
And then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself?
And then they party like it's goddamn 1999.
And then we hung out and we watched a movie.
And then we're gonna go back to fighting and we'll pretend this never happened,
And then you wake up in bed next to a 40 year old freshman.
And there go the fans onto the field.
And they get laser focused for about four hours of studying,
And they were chanting and chanting, and then the goalposts came down.
And we got a bigger problem. No more money in the budget.
And we got some new dumb ass interns.
And we're cured.
And we're gonna monitor the fuck out of what he's doing.
And we've ignored all the other clues.
And why the fuck are you guys ganging up on me?
And you just got to keep hammering ceilings.
And you should do your thing with your connections and channels
And you're gonna find another ceiling and you got to bust through that one,
And you're just there with your thoughts,
And you're like, "Oh, my gosh, I'm alone. Would anyone ever love me?" or whatever.
And Zook said I could room with him, you know,
And, dude, you were fight, that Lambs...
And, like, "Do I know anyone who would care if I just ever came out of this room or not?"
And, like, tried to protect the White House?
Another perfect hookup between Haythe and McQuaid.
Another star wipe.
Any more poets in the audience?
Anyone with half a brain, myself included, thought it was destined to fail spectacularly.
Apparently, they have many, many arms.
Are we gonna talk about how weird you were today with Dickson?
Are we waiting on anybody or you dining alone?
Are you fucking serious right now?
Are you guys, like, together?
Are you kidding me, Yangs? Are you fucking high?
Are you kidding me? It's plastic.
Are you okay with that?
Are you the police?
Are you two fucking around at school again?
Are you wearing Kevlar?
As if spending twice the money guaranteed twice the profit.
At Metro City Port, the tide comes in at 10:30 a.m. Then it will return to the sea.
At the fucking Mumford & Sons concert and shit?
Banging bitches and getting wasted all fucking day.
Because they're familiar and comfortable.
Because this is a college seminar, and that's how college seminars work.
Because we have guns.
Because you weren't doing the same undercover student thing
Because, you know, girls here love older dudes.
Beds... Shit.
Begin to be crushed by the trash compactor of sadness.
Behind Old Pop Wiggleby's sweet shop.
Best part is we get to do it together.
Best to keep it a secret.
Bitch, please. I ain't going nowhere with you.
Black market exotic animals, just like we expected to be in there.
Blanche never did heroin.
Blue 20!
Blue 20!
Boner!
Boom, motherfuckers!
Boots.
Boy, you lucky you even graduating.
Brad McQuaid! Brad McQuaid! Brad McQuaid! Brad...
Brad! Spring break!
But a flower, it can't grow in a fist.
But every possible time you can do something dumb,
But he gave her a ton of pills and shit.
But he's our guy.
But I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys.
But I tried. It's the thought that matters.
But instead of little green balls, they are human football players.
But my husband's from Northridge.
But this pork shit? Got to go!
But we're both Batman.
But what I didn't expect was tonight would go in the exact way that you would expect.
But what if Dickson was wrong?
But when I was throwing you those passes,
But you can't allow yourself to be held down by a guy just because he won't let go.
But you got lucky.
Buy me a Coke in Heaven. Jinx again.
Bye bye, Terminator!
Bye.
Can I have your gun? It's bigger.
Can you shake him off?
Can you shut it?
Cap, come on, Korean Jesus is right there.
Cap, does Schmidt look any different to you?
Captain, we have something really, really important to tell you about.
Captain, what the...
Captain?
Captain's gonna kill us!
Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins!
Carte blanche with the budget, motherfucker.
Cate Blanchett?
Check it out.
Choke me with your liver spotted hands?
Co ed bathrooms.
College kids aren't dumb like Eric.
Colour! Colour! Number!
Come on to the roof, come on to the roof. Let's go.
Come on, dude. They're just lobsters, dude. Come on. No, don't be afraid.
Come on, hook me up. Two little fucking string beans?
Come on, just wiggle the stick back and forth!
Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on.
Come on, man, hook me up.
Come on, man, put your dick away. Put your fucking dick away.
Come on, Schmidt!
Come on, this way, it's faster. No, just come this... Schmidt! Schmidt!
Come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on!
Come on!
Coming to the stage, we got...
Cool tingling.
Covalent bonds.
Cover me. I'm gonna go long.
Crap!
Cynthia, that girl who died, she used to come here all the time, right?
Dad, this is Doug, a guy that I'm dating.
Dad, those are, like, old people drugs.
Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her.
Damn.
Dance academy.
Designed it myself. We got an espresso bar.
Dickson said, "This guy's the dealer."
Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture?
Did you just call us "faggots"?
Did you just get shot, like, right after I fucking said that?
Did you know her?
Did you know I used gay slurs in high school?
Did you really just check to see if you were wearing your badge?
Did you really just say that you want to investigate other people?
Did you really just say that?
Did you say the Yangs?
Do the same thing as last time, everyone's happy.
Do the same thing.
Do you get to fuck or do you just get to watch people fuck?
Do you have any idea
Do you know how expensive that's gonna be?
Do you like weather?
Do you remember that stupid tattoo?
Do you think he saw us?
Do you think they mean WhyPhy the drug or Wi Fi like the Internet?
Do you understand that this face right here, you bragged to that face?
Do you understand this means Zook is the dealer?
Do you want out? If you want out, just say it.
Doc.
Don't be a pussy!
Don't do it, Leatherface.
Don't do that.
Don't fuck my daughter.
Don't leave me out here!
Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally.
Don't Teen Wolf on the truck! Don't leave me here alone!
Don't throw a fucking dead person's dildo at me.
Don't wake up my dick.
Dope. That looks like cum.
Doug!
Doug?
Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!
Drop the fucking gun! Seriously!
Dude, holy shit, bro. Great fucking catch, dude.
Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone.
Dude, I got to go or I'm gonna blow my cover, okay?
Dude, I got to go. I got to go.
Dude, I'm in. I'm all in.
Dude, I'm so fucking pumped you're gonna be on this fucking team, bro.
Dude, I'm sorry. I got my Q tip in your meat, bro.
Dude, if it's like last time,
Dude, in Human Sexuality,
Dude, that was our car. We shared so much in that car!
Dude, this is the fucking best moment of my life!
Dude, this is what I've always wanted. Just me and you, buddy.
Dude, we're even about the arm thing, okay? Right?
Dude, you could make it into the anals of football history, too.
Dude, you could make it into the Hall of Fame.
Dude, you know what this needs?
Dude, you wear pants, too?
Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together.
Dude, your ceiling is, like,
Dude?
Dude.
Early stages, very early stages.
Easy, bitch. My hands are hurting.
Embedding is our tendency to latch on to the first bit of information that we're offered
Enjoy the food.
Enough for one person only.
Eric, am I forcing you into anything?
Eric, are you awake?
Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now.
Eric.
Eric's been all up in that shit. Isn't that right, Eric?
Even their end zone celebration is in perfect sync.
Everyone say in the barrio, "Sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine" and shit.
Everything we've done and thought has been based on that fact,
Exactly like a case we had recently at a high school.
Exactly the same.
Excuse me, Excuse me, Excuse me.
Fieto.
Finally something I'm amazing at.
Find him and we find the supplier.
Find the supplier, but don't cost the department no more money.
Find the tattoo, find the dealer.
Flew in on the red eye, hasn't gotten a wink of sleep.
Focus!
For shooting my penis off?
For starters, Zook has it.
For the opening game against the University of College Generals.
For the sake of your daughter, please keep it together.
For this one, we need a ton of different suggestions.
For Zeta!
Friction creates fire, and that leads to lessons learned.
Fuck a 21 Jump Street, and fuck a Korean Jesus.
Fuck high school, right?
Fuck high school.
Fuck this goalpost, bro!
Fuck this. I'm not doing this.
Fuck yes!
Fuck you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
Fuck you, brain.
Fuck you, doves!
Fuck you, you little walk on fuck!
Fuck you!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, I just came so hard!
Fuck, man, I don't know. I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids.
Fuck, yeah!
Fuck, yeah.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck! I'll be right back. I gotta go. I'll be right back. Sorry.
Fuck! I'm having a bad trip! We're having a bad trip!
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck. How are we gonna catch him now?
Fuck. Jinx.
Fucking complicated. What is this?
Fucking learn how to hit!
Gang up on him. Okay, seriously.
George Washington was a black lesbian.
Get off me unless you're gonna fuck me!
Get off!
Get out of the car! Get on the ground!
Get out of the way!
Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.
Get the fuck out of my office.
Get the fuck out of the way!
Get the fuck out. You heard him.
Get up and hit me, you fucking pussy!
Get up, Old Man River!
Get wet, baby!
Get your wrinkly hands off me!
Girl fight.
Give it up, asshole! And nice parking job!
Give me the goddamn string beans.
Give the fucking guy some water! He's black! He's been through a lot!
Given all these strong feelings,
Go into incredibly descriptive details of the story, so we all know.
Go to the police station,
Go, go!
Go, go!
Go.
God, I love walk on day!
God, isn't this great?
God.
Good job on the cuffs, baby girl.
Good luck, guys.
Got a fucking bazooka for an arm. Know what I mean?
Got it.
Got locked out of her dorm, ended up falling off the roof.
Got room for one of these babies.
Great, that was great sex. You're good at it.
Guys, can you just give us some space?
Happy for you.
Haythe drops back.
He could, like, be a part of our thing.
He doesn't know we're partners.
He follows him around everywhere, so I doubt we get Brad without Doug.
He literally is terrified of being by himself.
He said you were sucking his dick.
He teamed up with a Mexican cartel and they're running all this shit through the port.
He's a bag of dicks!
He's a scout. It's D l.
He's Brad's brother.
He's got the drugs!
He's in jail now, so don't fuck with me.
He's literally reaching out for you.
He's looking good. Look at those pectoral muscles.
He's only got one arm!
He's really taking it out on the omelette bar.
He's the fucking Terminator!
He's under a lot of pressure at work.
Hello, football.
Help! Help!
Help! No more music!
Here we go, here we go.
Heroin, you know, cocaine...
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man.
Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be weird about this, are you?
Hey, dude, where are you? We're warming up. The game's about to start.
Hey, guess what.
Hey, hey! Look alive!
Hey, I'm an officer, all right? Just take me in. I'll explain later.
Hey, Lauren.
Hey, let's go. We got to go. How many bullets you got left?
Hey, listen, there's a grenade in my shorts. Can you reach it?
Hey, look, man,
Hey, Maya Angelou!
Hey, Maya Angelou.
Hey, my partner here, he want to see the product.
Hey, Schmidt, look!
Hey, Schmidt!
Hey, that girl's in my psych class.
Hey, we got to pay for this shit.
Hey, what'd you say when you threw the grenade up there?
Hey, why don't you come to practice today?
Hey, y'all, he's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo!
Hey, you guys play football?
Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich?
Hey, you know, we have this rush party at Zeta.
Hey, you should get some tips from this guy.
Hey, you want another beer? I'm gonna get another beer.
Hey, you want to be friends?
Hey, you want to do anything else other than work out today?
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Get off of my chopper!
Hey! Hey.
Hey. How you doing?
Hey. What's up?
Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your new mother in law.
High school mascot.
Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol.
Hold on, guys.
Holy Moses!
Holy shit, he's good.
Holy shit, you are looking fit.
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
How about a flight academy?
How are you?
How did we find the dealers so easy the first time?
How did you two meet?
How do you drive this thing?
How do you know this person?
How hard can it be? Shoot them!
How long have you been there?
How the fuck did you know we were partners?
How the fuck we gonna infiltrate the dealer if the dealer is dead?
How was the sex for you? It was fun for me. It was a good time.
How was the...
How you bitches like Jump Street now?
How you doing, Mr Nice Plant? Get your fucking ass in there.
How you doing, Rooster?
How's your classes going, Doug?
Hurry up, okay?
I actually think it's really powerful.
I am such a bitch when Aunt Flo shows up.
I can only imagine.
I can shoot right through your shoulder, hit the bitch right in the chest.
I can't believe the Koreans bought their church back.
I can't believe the punks I have to deal with these days.
I can't believe we've been talking all night.
I can't breathe.
I can't do it any more! I can't do it any more!
I can't find it!
I can't get in.
I can't give you the same feeling that these guys can.
I can't jump down! I'm not, like, fucking Spider Man!
I can't, like, move around in these things.
I can't!
I couldn't leave you hanging, man!
I decided for you.
I did it!
I did it!
I didn't expect spring break to be this stinky.
I didn't know if we were gonna punch or kiss!
I didn't look down.
I didn't mean that. You know that, right?
I didn't take a dirty shot on your daughter, okay?
I do not understand how it works.
I do, and I will.
I do. I hear you can get WhyPhy on campus anywhere 24/7.
I don't even think they know how to read.
I don't even want to kiss you!
I don't have a clean shot, Schmidt.
I don't have a single lead.
I don't have any more cameras. I've said it five times.
I don't have any prior convictions.
I don't know if it's your thing,
I don't know if that's what I want.
I don't know parkour, so...
I don't know what you're talking about, man. He look exactly the same to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know where the fuck I am right now.
I don't know, maybe I should just stay closer to him.
I don't know, maybe.
I don't know.
I don't know. Maybe the school directory or something.
I don't know. Maybe we should just...
I don't like the idea of us doing stuff separately.
I don't think this guy does stickers.
I don't... Jesus. That makes no sense to me.
I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect,
I feel like he could fuck this whole thing up for us.
I finally got my Lambo!
I found something in this WhyPhy case that caught my attention.
I fucking hate my dad so much.
I fucking hate spring break!
I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not...
I got a new identity that's gonna be killer. I'll be throwing it to you to make it legit.
I got new glasses.
I got offered a scholarship to play football here next year.
I got on $800 shoes, and you can't even see the motherfuckers.
I got something way better than that.
I got to get around you, man. I can't jump up. I got a broken ankle.
I got you!
I gotta take a piss.
I have a friend who knows a guy at UMC.
I have an idea. Why don't we all sit together? Would that be fun?
I have had that exact vision, like, my entire life.
I have so much adrenaline right now!
I have time off.
I just chill and... You know how chill Zook is.
I just don't understand what his problem is with you specifically.
I just don't want to start off on the wrong foot with this guy.
I just don't want you to screw up.
I just feel like sometimes he's not even trying any more.
I just love when you're sitting there in a room,
I just realised something.
I just want to get in bed and watch Friends all day.
I just want to say that
I just wish you could fly with me.
I just... I just don't...
I kind of need you to do it.
I knew we were gonna be connected, just like that.
I know the first time he met you, you dropped a fucking sandwich on his foot
I know, but we can't see his face, so we don't know who it is.
I know.
I know.
I know. Shut up. Go.
I like fruit.
I look so fucking badass!
I looked into the Ghost's background,
I love meet cute stories.
I love spring break. But I do have to say,
I love to be alone. I am, like, the best at it.
I mean, Brad, this could be our shot.
I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man,
I mean, except right now.
I mean, for all we know, a lot of people could have that tattoo.
I mean, I have tenure. I can really say whatever I want.
I mean, I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long.
I mean, it looks cool, but, I mean, it's just so wasteful.
I mean, it's just a tape, right?
I mean, like, he was opening up beer cans with his eyeballs.
I mean, was this really your entire plan? Coming in here with no backup?
I mean, we care so much more because she's black.
I mean, yeah, school's important or whatever,
I mean, you are a perfectly good guy. You're very honest and nice.
I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team.
I miss climbing so much. Come on, let's go. Come on.
I need absolute silence while I fall into character.
I need to drive, 'cause you're faster on foot.
I never once wanted to kiss you!
I only need one arm to punch you in the dick.
I picked up on that early. Please, continue the dialogue.
I really want you guys to hang out.
I said pull the fucking truck over right fucking now!
I said, "Something cool."
I suck at improvising. I don't want to do it.
I suspect you're partners.
I teach about a principle called embedding.
I think I know exactly who he's talking about.
I think it's bizarre that I haven't cut your motherfucking nuts off.
I think it's pretty popular.
I think my information was stronger.
I think there's blood in my eye.
I think we are tripping, but...
I think we lost them.
I think we're in the same psych class.
I think we're tripping.
I think what he's really trying to say is that we care equally.
I think you got the wrong guy, homes.
I think you're mistaken.
I thought it was a pretty good idea.
I thought your hip popped out at one point.
I used to have the other Destiny's Children, but now I'm just
I want some fucking devilled eggs. I like fruit. Don't you like fruit?
I want to be able to have that, that same thing, in, like
I want to see you get crazy!
I want you right now to say whatever you want.
I want you to question what I'm saying.
I wanted a relationship without friction. Dude, you need friction to create fire.
I was Peter Pan, but then I was, like, late.
I was supposed to go to Berkeley.
I was talking to him for a second. He's got a big mouth, okay?
I was thinking about the case,
I wasn't told that I had a 9:00 a.m. session.
I wish you can un fuck my daughter, but I'm gonna let that be the past.
I would say that
I...
I'd opened a crate and the octopus had leapt onto my face.
I'll be right back.
I'll break your motherfucking legs! Break your legs!
I'll get it off.
I'll see you later.
I'll see you.
I'm 19, so...
I'm a solo artist now, like Beyoncé.
I'm an art major.
I'm Booker.
I'm coming for you, motherfucker!
I'm cutting glass.
I'm doing fucking great.
I'm Eric's bitch.
I'm fine.
I'm fucking here. You happy?
I'm getting a divorce.
I'm glad you're having a good time with yourself.
I'm going to ask you to stop talking.
I'm going to shoot them in the face for that! That was our fucking car!
I'm going to veto that poster. It's a touch childish.
I'm gonna die!
I'm gonna do it. I just got to get it at the right angle.
I'm gonna get the car.
I'm gonna give you an out by punching you in the face.
I'm gonna need a motherfucking crepe before I go crazy.
I'm gonna need you to improvise. Okay?
I'm gonna tell you something, all right?
I'm gonna throw up.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna split. I'll text you later.
I'm having sex with a human woman.
I'm impressed you caught up to me.
I'm just gonna go home.
I'm just here to do my assignments and get out, that's it.
I'm just saying, it's, like, all fun and games,
I'm just saying, the kid sucks.
I'm kidding. It's a football.
I'm late.
I'm never gonna make any money, so don't tell my parents, but...
I'm not doing this, okay? All right?
I'm not gonna fuck you!
I'm not gonna take a shit the entire time I'm here.
I'm not Mr and Mrs Smith ing you. This wasn't a sexy fight.
I'm on spring break.
I'm pretty close with my grandpa, too.
I'm pretty great.
I'm ready.
I'm really, really glad you're back, Schmidt.
I'm sleeping with two of my students. Her and her. I actually am.
I'm so focused, dude.
I'm so focused, too.
I'm so focused.
I'm sorry it's not a fucking Lambo. Shut up and get in.
I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to investigate your new BFF.
I'm sorry, he took one human sexuality class, he thinks he's Harvey Milk.
I'm straight outta Compton,
I'm taking my time. Shit, you shot me in my goddamn foot.
I'm the first person in my family to pretend to go to college.
I'm the happiest I've ever been, so I'm just having a great time with myself.
I'm trying to hear them be nice about me.
I'm warning you,
I'm your best night...
I'm your bitch.
I'm your worst nightmare.
I'm, like, a "hit it, continue to hit it both physically and emotionally" kind of guy, so...
I'm, like, basically done fucking watching your shit all the fucking time.
I'm...
I'm... I'm writing a...
I've been here the whole time.
I've been running like crazy!
I've eaten six of these.
I've fucked a thousand girls by now and I don't know, at the end of the day,
I've got a first impression for you.
I've got to get home so I can feed my...
I've never tried to kiss you.
If I die, I'm gonna kill both of you motherfuckers!
If it isn't Turner and Hooch, in the flesh.
If one were to fall, they would just lose each other.
If they have a great sense of humour, but I don't.
If you do, he'll leave this shitty programme.
If you don't have anything to fucking say, open your fucking mouth.
If you don't interlock it, it's not hand holding.
If you don't make it through tonight,
If you see that safety line up that deep, though, hit me quicker.
If you thought of me as a person instead of a woman,
If you want to come.
If you're going into the family business, you will have to have a clean record.
In about four hours, you're gonna be tripping.
In Russia.
Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.
Instead of the person that you're clearly pretending to be right now,
Is it okay if we just talk?
Is somebody up there?
Is that a hickey?
Is that all I'm good for? Just watching a fucking door?
Is that my bathing suit?
Is that vodka?
Is this...
It bleeds so much, it's crazy.
It is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim.
It really makes me miss the '90s,
It was bizarre not to share the fact
It was Dora and Diego
It was just like, "What am I hearing?
It was like I knew where you were gonna be before you went there.
It was, like, the sound of, like, a 30 year old sprinkler finally going off for the first time.
It'd be really fun, I think.
It's 2014, asshole. You can't fucking use "faggot."
It's a fascinating principle...
It's a laser pointer.
It's a meat qute sandwich.
It's a shitty made car. It's not good.
It's a tie, really, how much we care.
It's a trick play! These two are practically interchangeable.
It's Adderall mixed with Ecstasy mixed with God knows what else.
It's awesome. You guys want to see it?
It's biting my face!
It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. So...
It's getting worse lately.
It's gonna be at every college in the country.
It's gonna be fucking worth it, I promise, all right?
It's gonna be like this, dude, for the rest of our lives.
It's gonna be so worth it, dude.
It's gonna be super fun. All right? Same as last time.
It's gonna claw your face. It's gonna claw your face.
It's impossible. You can't fucking do it.
It's inking in my mouth!
It's inking in my mouth!
It's just, when I'm on the football field and I'm diving for a pass, I feel like I can fly.
It's just, you know, now it'll be an open thing.
It's just...
It's like a Batmobile.
It's like a whole new type of sandwich.
It's like the elevator doors opening in The Shining.
It's like these two share a single brain, Bob.
It's like they're trying to hit 'em or something.
It's more fun that way. So, let's try it one more time.
It's my old high school team. The Plainview Red Herrings.
It's not coming down!
It's not not you.
It's okay. It's just a couple of faggots.
It's on now, dawg.
It's only 2:00? I usually go to dinner at, like, 2:00 a.m., so...
It's only 2:00. I thought it was late. Do you want to come in?
It's pretty gross.
It's really not that funny.
It's so confusing!
It's so strong! It's really on there, man.
It's some kind of weird split screen!
It's these two beings
It's true.
Its tentacle is eating me!
J. Bohnes, aka...
Jenko!
Jenko!
Jenko!
Jenko! Jenko!
Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of, "Don't get high on your own supply"?
Jesus Christ!
Jinx. Buy me a beer.
Joste Nillsen, biggest trafficker of illegal goods in Metro City.
Just a light skinned princess with a dream and an amazing voice.
Just ask. It's polite.
Just came to see how you are.
Just can't hear that right now.
Just exhausted from inventing Facebook or whatever website people our age use.
Just stick with football.
Just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time, make sure it's funny,
Just, like, one time, for old times' sake.
Just, like, one time. One time thing. No big commitment or stress to each other.
Keith Yang.

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