💬 The Comebacks (2007)

A 1,000 dollars a call. Twice the going rate.

A A And there's two things

A big, big man inside of you.

A big, mean son of a bitch!

A brisk Saturday in autumn

A Butterfingers.

A chance at his dream.

A condo. A junior one bedroom.

A couple!

A drooling mush head,

A few hours a week, make some extra cash.

A human being!

A lot of clothes, and then boom, I got a chubby.

A lot of clothes, then she wasn't wearing

A man can only take so much failure!

A note saying that I'm sorry

A short bus riding, window licking

A singer in a smoky room

A sleepy little town,

A smoke machine and laser lights for the locker room.

A study group.

Aah!

Aah! You just finish yourself.

About losing your positions to our faster,

Actually, Coach gave a very inspirational spee...

Actually, Dad, two is a couple.

After I lost my job teaching and my wife left me.

Against my knuckleballs

Ah!

Ah! Right in my Reggie Bush!

Aim high.

Al Michaels, along with John Madden, and welcome

All over your ass and let the coyotes have at you.

All right, all right! Just call the play, will ya?

All right, all right.

All right, Coach, all right.

All right, Coach.

All right, everybody, come on.

All right, gang, today we play the Friday Night Lights.

All right, gather 'round, take a knee.

All right, get in here. S.T.D.'s on three.

All right, good!

All right, huddle up!

All right, let's close our eyes and bow our heads.

All right, let's go get 'em!

All right, let's see if I've got

All right, listen up.

All right, listen, could we just drop the football thing?

All right, listen.

All right, Trotter.

All right, we can do it.

All right!

All right! I got me

All right.

All right. Let's walk and talk.

All the time.

All the way out here, Fields. I could've told you

All the way...

All you have to do is win the championship.

Almost.

Always trying new things

Amen to that. Hey, you know what?

An inspiration and a friend.

And a father and a coach.

And a human being.

And and pretty soon they could erase this deficit.

And And this is the place you really want to be, Al

And as you'll see, even failure has its champion.

And ball, ball, ball, ball, ball.

And being an insatiable cock tease.

And bug the bejesus out of me.

And Coach heard their message loud and clear.

And despite the score, it seems the Comebacks

And different positions.

And entered into a consensual polygamous relationship

And everything that matters to you.

And F's.

And he goes by the name of

And he hit rock bottom.

And here comes the visiting team,

And his name is ACL Tear.

And I also knew, if I could talk you back into coaching

And I did everything I could to get her back.

And I don't like you, either, ese.

And I get a real tattoo!

And I got to say, gang...

And I guess I got some. Whoa.

And I just found out

And I think that Randy lost his cherry

And I think you're just the man.

And I want it to stay that way.

And I would ride you so hard

And I...

And I'm taking off all my clothes.

And if they get in a groove, they can score all night long,

And if you're a Comebacks fan,

And it got broken up by the cops,

And Jasminder, she made 300 bucks.

And Jorge, he's been dancing like this

And just wait to be bailed out.

And lose...

And Lyla is cheating on Jason

And Mom does, too.

And no hope of ever getting out.

And no matter what anybody says,

And no, I don't like your contract.

And nobody wants this

And now sh she'll never,

And now the squad is in danger of forfeiting the upcoming

And now they're not down by as much

And now, fourth quarter of the last game,

And orchestrated a most nefarious scheme

And our signed contracts.

And pink.

And remember, Dad, he's black.

And she doesn't mind showing them to your friends

And shortcomings

And shouts of joy...

And so, Coach called the only man

And stick it between my buns.

And the booster club laughed at me when I demanded

And the Heartland State University

And the only way we're going to win

And the team captains

And this is your last, and actually first chance,

And this...

And what are you eating in that picture?

And what if you don't?

And what the hell is this?

And when I did, I made sure that she'd never leave me again.

And when I say it, I do mean the coin.

And when I'm done, we're gonna win that championship.

And you can all be...

And you can sure as hell bet that no one is leaving

And you're a terrible gossip. Everybody knows that.

And you're taking away his dreams.

And your plans for our team.

And, yet, she's willing to enhance them surgically

And... lover.

Another Titans touchdown.

Any other positions we need to fill?

Any reason to laugh at me, I swear to God...

Any walk ons?

Any which way they want.

Anybody else out here worth a damn.

Anybody got a problem, you better speak up right and now!

Anyway, I know a quarterback. His name is Lance Truman.

Anyway, um... I was wondering,

Are even more fired up.!

Are you kidding me?

Are you saying Oprah's fat?

Are you serious?

Are you sure you don't want to cuddle?

Are you sure?

As for Coach, he had bigger things to worry about.

As the Comebacks only trail

As the Comebacks try to bounce back

Aseel Tare with the carry.

Aseel Tare.

Asking me why my boy can't hold on to the goddamn ball!

At a New Year's Eve party,

At Heartland State and made a promise to his family

At least, not after he...

At night? In the middle of Texas?

At the University of Texas game.

Audible!

Automatic victory they're not gonna make it!

Aw, geez!

Aw, heck, there's always another game after that.

Aw, hell.

Aw, hell. He was yanking off horses.

Aw, Scruffy!

Aw! I'm sorry, Clint.

Aww.

Back on the skreets.

Banging Your Wife Istan.

Barb!

Barbara!

Be good to her, man.

Be good to her, too.

Because everyone's labeled me rebellious,

Because I'm worried about the rapidly decaying future

Because if we went out,

Because that's what you do, Coach you lose!

Been doing a little bit of research.

Before you and the kids ever again.

Being labeled the biggest loser in the history of mankind

Believers coming through!

Big story developing out of Plainfolk, Texas.

Billy and Tyra

Bitty boy's Basketball League three years straight.

Black as a Mississippi August night.

Black boyfriend.

Bling bling, baby.

Bling bling.

Blue 20.

Blue 20. Hut!

Blue 22! Blue 22!

Blue ten!

Blue, 22! Hike!

Bobbled your boobies...

Bobby has one last dying wish.

Born and raised in South Detroit

Borrowed $200,000 from the school's booster club,

Boy got laundry to do.

Boy...

Boys, if you find that perfect gal

Break!

Brown 88! Hike!

Buckner!

Buddy Boy Jones!

Buddy Boy smashed a whole 12 pack over his forehead.

Buff everyone's helmet.

But he is not a retard.

But I said no.

But I'm happy here.

But if you give those men at the mill

But if you should play that first game...

But if you think you can try using

But now you know, Coach.

But that is not the type of life that I would want.

But the couch is where you're staying

But then we make up and talk about it. We bangity boo.

But this story is about the other guy...

But this time, he really had his work cut out for him.

But those kids, they still just don't get it.

But you have to believe

But you have to remember,

But, apparently,

But, well, we sat down and when we discussed it

By being conscientious in rebellion.

By one touchdown.

By the cheers

By the way, where's the closest hospital?

Calculus.

Call it in the air.

Can you knock it off, I Pod?

Can't I lose by just a little?

Can't you watch them tomorrow?

Carrying this...

Catching some waves.

Champs!

Change of rules.

Chased away everyone who's ever loved me.

Check his eligibility.

Check me out.

Cleaning, and pleasuring with the mouth.

Clock's running down.

Coa...

Coach Fields has finally done it.!

Coach Fields was back in the game

Coach Fields, excuse me?

Coach is right.

Coach of the number one team in the conference.

Coach wasn't exactly coaching anymore.

Coach Wiseman has got to be feeling the heat

Coach, can I play in the next game?

Coach, we're the only players on this team who can play.

Coach, you know, I've been thinking,

Coach!

Coach! Coach!

Coach?

Coach.

Coaching is a Fields family tradition

College football.

Come here, son.

Come on, baby.

Come on, ref! That's attempted homicide!

Come on, Turbo. That's impossible.

Come on.

Come on. Loser!

Come...

Comebacks 0.

Comebacks rule!

Comebacks!

Coming out of your limo.

Coming up on Fox Sports News, Maria Sharapova battles

Conference championship at the Toilet Bowl.

Could be papaya!

Crack is whack and white don't cover black!

Crotch less panties.

Dad, I only fumbled a couple of times.

Dad!

Damn!

Damn. Washington.

Day and night.

Defense, give 'em hell!

Did I dodge it?

Do it for me.

Do you believe in miracles?

Do you remember them?

Does it hurt?

Does that mean I can play in the second half?

Don't call me baby.

Don't stop believin'

Don't take my Gold Card, man. Come on.

Don't try to stop me, Coach.

Don't want you to see...

Don't worry about it. They're baby teeth. You'll grow new ones.

Don't worry, sweetie.

Don't worry.

Dr. Edmund Grand allowed Billy, a longtime orderly,

Dude,

Dude, I have been humping legs,

Dude, you grew up two houses down from me.

Duh.

During a party? Why?

End of the first, Comebacks trail by 17.

Especially the balling part.

Even if you win, you're still gonna stay here.

Every single one of you made the dean's list last semester.

Everybody knows that after you win a football game

Everyone in Heartland, and I mean everyone,

Exactly.

Except an unforeseen career ending injury.

Except for you, Randy You'll be riding the pine.

Execution, execution.

Family comes first.

Fat.

Featuring a courageous comeback attempt

Fields, this is the World Series, man are you crazy?

Figurin' out what to do with the other

Final score: Trojans 83,

Finally got to old Coach Fields,

Fine Ass Yvania, is there?

Fine.

First, highlights of last night's title card bout

Football is war, son.

Football season is...

Football taught me how to cope...

For a smile, they can share the night

For a tropical fruit?

For an easy touchdown.!

For good luck.

For once in my life, I'm proud of what I'm doing.

For the Loserville Golden Oafers.

For the past six hours.

For the two point conversion himself.

For the way that I treated you.

Freddie decided it was time to go.

Freddie knows all my secrets,

Freddie Wiseman came to see me today.

Freddie Wiseman, has entered the game at middle linebacker.!

Freddie. Good to see you.

Freeze, tighty whities!

From all different walks of life.

From last week's humiliating loss.

From my own college playing days.

From places that you've never bled from before.

From the 93 year old Rocky Balboa.

From your fans.

Fucking MapQuest. I've got to get G.P.S.

Full of groceries and get sacked?

FYI, there's going to be a petting zoo.

Gather around I want to show you something.

George Johnson, is it?

Get a chance to play yet.

Get away! Get away! Get away!

Get him off me.

Get in the back.

Get in the way of our family, and I failed her.

Get it!

Get off my back, Coach. I was doing a thing.

Get out of my way!

Get out of my...

Get out there, Jiz!

Get out there!

Get out there...

Get that shit outta here.

Get up here!

Getting barn doored by a half rack of bird doggers.

Give me your hands.

Go ahead. Do your worst.

Go get 'em, Tear.

Go on.

Go out and get yourself a venereal disease,

Go tell him I said that.

Go tell Zidane, tell him I said...

Go upstairs and have some makeup sex?

Go, go!

Go!

Go! Go, Randy!

Go.

God, she could stick me.

God, what a retarded ass retard.

Goddamn it.

Gonna walk right in.!

Good luck on your first game tomorrow.

Good luck!

Good times.

Good to see ya.

Good. We got a towel boy.

Got a good feeling about this year.

Got a letter here from a little boy named Bobby Taylor.

Got a little headache, I guess.

Got deep fried snacks for munchin'

Got it. ACL Tear.

Got your letter, baby.

Gotta have some more of that.

Green 20!

Green 20! Hike!

Green 80!

Green 80! Set. Hut.

Gymnastics meets have you been to?

H...

Had a pre homecoming party

Had enough?

Half time score:35 to nothing.!

Happy 12th birthday, Lance.

Have a little picnic, some wine,

Have we gone too far?

Have you always drank this much,

Haven't you put the team through enough?

He banged the wife of the guy sitting next to him.

He could go

He didn't like that, so...

He drops back.

He got ripped into pieces.

He has locked his team out of practice all week,

He knew he could always count on.

He knows our playbook.

He loves you, Barb. He loves you, Barb.

He may be a moronic cretin,

He needs to know that you're wasting your gift here.

He scores.!

He took the midnight train going anywhere!

He was talking to me.

He's a foreign exchange student?

He's a good boy. He has a future.

He's drinking again.

He's got the entire defense on his back.

He's the worst coach in the history of sports.

He's to the 30, the 20, the 10!

He's wide open.!

Heartland State University.

Heck of a job out there today!

Hell, he might have been great,

Hell, I remember when my Dorothy left me,

Hello, everyone.

Hello.

Help us win a championship?

Her leotard's cute...

Her shrieks of help like music to my ears.

Here come who?

Here comes Trotter, here comes Trotter.

Here comes Trotter.

Here they are,

Here, Maria!

Here's the kickoff,

Here's your tooth, Coach.

Herpes.

Hey, Bill!

Hey, Blue Crush, where you been?

Hey, cameraman!

Hey, Coach!

Hey, Coach.

Hey, fellas.

Hey, gang.

Hey, guys, look who's back.

Hey, hey!

Hey, Lance.

Hey, look out for the tr..

Hey, Manuel, Javier, Sanchez, Cornelio, new guy.

Hey, the Longhorns just scored!

Hey, thought you might want this...

Hey, Tommy B. Yeah, Lawdog here.

Hey, um...

Hey, what's this thing?

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey.

Hi, honey!

Hi.

Hiding

Hike the damn ball!

Hike!

His first appearance ever for the Comebacks.!

His job was to help facilitate

His name?

His old friend Freddie had betrayed him

His partner, his rock, the wind beneath his wings me.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hola, Coach.

Hold on

Hold on to it, Lance.

Hold on to that feeling

Hold onto the ball for next game.

Hold this.

Honey, honey,

Honey, that's not Michelle.

Honey, um...

Honey...

Hope so, Coach.

Hope you had a good rest, Oprah.

Hope you're ready for the worst six weeks of your life.

Hot damn, he's on fire.

Hot.

How about a flag, ref?

How am I gonna find an all American quarterback?

How could this happen?

How could you?

How long before you can get me out?

How long have you been waiting to say that?

How many times you fumbled?

How was it, son, everything you'd hoped it would be?

How would you like to call a play, huh,

How you doing? Name's Coach Fields.

How'd you do that?

How'd you like to be my assistant?

Huddle up! Listen up!

Huh?

Hurry up!

Hut!

I already ate.

I already have one.

I always have.

I am not going to let you sweet talk me, Lance Truman.

I am not.

I am...

I appreciate it,

I believe in you, Dad.

I bet, under that tough exterior of yours,

I bought a new hat.

I came into this world ass first.

I can't believe you, Dad.

I can't do it, Coach.

I can't tell you how relieved that makes me feel, so...

I couldn't get it unstuck either.

I didn't know

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22.

I didn't think you'd mind.

I do Cher four nights a week, Christina Aguilera on Saturday.

I don't ever want to hear that word again!

I don't know, Barb.

I don't like that... my daughter is

I don't like the ego, I don't like the flash,

I don't like Trotter anymore.

I don't remember saying chain smoking.

I don't think I have to tell you all,

I don't want to talk about it.

I feel I should warn you.

I finally found someone that I care about

I got a great arm, but I keep dropping the ball.

I got a proposition for you.

I got a terrible cold.

I got it.

I got one more page in my playbook.

I had no idea.

I hardly recognized you.

I have a boyfriend.

I have finally found a man who gives me what I need.

I have my reasons.

I have never been so proud of a team in my entire life.

I hereby sentence you to rejoin

I hope I see you around

I hope you are kidding me.

I hope you weren't planning on leaving today.

I hope you're watching, Barb.

I just don't see how watching

I just spoke with him this morning.

I just want to make you proud, Dad,

I knew that was a loading zone!

I know a lot of you white players are nervous

I know it's her.

I know you're scared.

I know.

I left something for you in your locker.

I like your badonkadonks, by the way.

I love you so much.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, too.

I mean, coaching is in your blood.

I mean, I don't know how to fix it.

I mean, I mean,

I mean, right in the middle of the Toilet Bowl.

I mean, we we really are, Al.

I mean, y you take a look at what's happening

I mean, you're one of the best leaders ever.

I mean...

I need them to become a better coach, to win.

I Pod!

I Pod. Hey, there, little buddy.

I Pod's doing body shots out of his belly button.

I promise to give you everything I got.

I promised your mother I wouldn't let this job

I put everything I had on that.

I put your favorite beer on ice

I really wish you'd reconsider, Mr. Truman.

I said LeTroy.

I said no! No means no!

I say we go for the win!

I say you can add Did not make the football team

I should just ask for another one,

I suppose we don't have a quarterback.

I sure don't know anything about basketball...

I think we nailed it!

I think we're gonna need a bigger truck.

I think you're forgetting about someone.

I thought it would feel better than this.

I thought that I had the craziest sports dad ever.

I thought you were talking about something else.

I told him I'm out.

I told you... I'm hard core.

I treated her like a queen

I want academic probation.

I want felonies,

I want phone calls in the middle of the night

I want to start seeing D's...

I want what you and Mom have.

I want you all to go out and celebrate.

I want you suited up

I want you to cut class.

I want you to start acting like ballplayers, for Christ sake!

I was a fullback.

I was gonna have to pay for it I thought it was a date.

I was in prison, I didn't have a choice.

I was just going to drop off an invitation

I was raised as a girl till my walnuts dropped at age 13.

I was the leading scorer of the ******* community center

I will not stand for this bullshit!

I work down at the car wash on the weekends.

I would like that very much.

I would like to smother her.

I wouldn't hurt a fly, Coach.

I... I just couldn't take it anymore.

I'd give anything for one last shot.

I'll be right back.

I'll do whatever it takes to make this team.

I'll get it.

I'll have your wheels sparkling in no time.

I'll pack your fudge.

I'll salute your flagpole.

I'll steam up your wiener

I'll toss your salad.

I'm a football player.

I'm a total hard core surfer chick.

I'm a winner, Barb.

I'm from, uh...

I'm gonna have to take you by the friggin' hand.

I'm gonna make you bleed

I'm gonna need a commitment from you.

I'm gonna ride your ass

I'm gonna tell you something. It's about compromise.

I'm hanging up my whistle for good.

I'm in here with you. I'll get you for this!

I'm in love with her, man.

I'm just a bartender from Philly

I'm just gonna pop in there, grab an aspirin.

I'm just having some fun, because I won a football game.

I'm kind of used to it.

I'm Lance.

I'm Lance. Lance Truman.

I'm late for work.

I'm looking for a new head basketball coach

I'm never gonna let sports come

I'm not going to be able to do that, Coach.

I'm not going to lie to you.

I'm okay.

I'm ready to give it my all.

I'm sorry.

I'm supposed to give you these.

I'm talking about Lance.

I'm telling on you!

I'm thinking it might be banana!

I'm wearing it.

I'm writing my local congressman,

I'm your new quarterback.

I've been a loser all my life.

I've destroyed everything I've ever touched,

I've got to bust all of your humps.

I've just got a few more films to go through.

If he could learn how to keep from dropping the dang ball.

If I've got to bust his hump,

If there's one thing I can spot, it's talent.

If there's one thing I do not tolerate,

If you beat me in hoops...

If you build it, he will

If you build it, he will come.

If you're ever late again, you're off my squad.

Ignoring us is is something that you've never been able to resist,

Illegal use of the hands.

In a mature manner and and

In my fake Louis Vuitton bag that's chock full

In my lap, and there's just something about the hot steam

In the big picture,

In the Hamptons for the week to celebrate!

In the night

In the shadows for long.

In this stadium, you could cut it with a knife.

In two minutes, or you're off my squad.

Into a rousing, inspirational rally cry?

Into bigger things.

The Comebacks (2007)
The Comebacks (2007) is a comedy film that parodies the sports movie genre. Starring David Koechner as Coach Lambeau Fields, the story follows a group of misfit athletes who strive to turn their losing team, the "Heartland State Unive rsity Fighting Squirrels," into winners. Filled with hilarious gags and clever spoofing of popular sports movies, this film pulls no punches in its comedic approach. With a talented ensemble cast that includes Carl Weathers, Melora Hardin, and Matthew Lawrence, The Comebacks delivers non-stop laughs. If you want to experience the uproarious sounds of this film, you can play and download them here.
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