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The Ref (1994) "The Ref" is a dark comedy film released in 1994. The plot revolves around Gus, brilliantly portrayed by Denis

The Ref (1994)

"The Ref" is a dark comedy film released in 1994. The plot revolves around Gus, brilliantly portrayed by Denis Leary, a thief who takes a dysfunctional couple, Caroline and Lloyd (played by Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey, respectively), hostage on Christmas Eve. Directed by Ted Demme, this hilariously unconventional tale showcases Gus struggling to control the bickering couple while dealing with his own life problems. With its sharp writing and outstanding performances, "The Ref" remains a cult favorite amongst comedy enthusiasts. If you're interested in the movie's soundtracks, you can play and download them here.

A big wooden cross.
A brave and noble woman I admire very much.
A couple of kisses, a couple of nipple twists.
A little space to work out their...
A truck stop waitress with platinum hair and pineapple earrings!
A woman whose beliefs were so strong...
Aah!
About finding you a replacement, since you don't like it here in Old Baybrook.
Actually, may I have a glass of water?
After the town meeting last August.
Ah, geez. We got a live one.
Ah, the marriage doctor.
Ah!
Ah! Ahh!
Ah.
Ah. Everything's gonna be fine.
Ah. What's in this?
All right, get in the car!
All right, I took a limo, okay?
An eccentric known for his love of animals and generous contributions.
An Italian restaurant.
And a 2 4 hour erection? No, I don't! So just excuse the shit out of me!
And enterprising young businessman.
And he hasn't played chess with him for years.
And he needed someone he could trust to talk to.
And he said he'll give $ 100,000 to anyone who captures this guy.
And I don't want to get married ever to anyone.! Do you understand?
And I feel it in every gesture, in every silence.
And I heard on the radio they found a ski mask on the scene.
And I live in the suburbs. You figure it out.
And I mean, it just didn't mean anything to me.
And I said, 'I didn't order this.
And I still say gettin' laid by an 18 year old linebacker is just what she needs!
And I'll be suggesting at that meeting...
And I'm gonna shoot you right out into fuckin'Jersey, okay?
And I'm gonna stick that pig's head right up your ass!
And if it doesn't, you get to act any way you want.
And ifhe happens to know where the town's babyJesus is...
And instead of giving her dowry to her in laws...
And it didn't work out, what did you do?
And it won't do a bit of good.
And just remember, if you can't, what men your age become in prison: wet nurses.
And maybe it's because the decision was all up to me.
And not some 19 year old billionaire rock star with the body of an athlete...
And our parents wanted to join farms.
And sweet an an and patient.
And the Mackerel Lounge couldn't be a dive bar, because they can have entertainment.
And the other one, the other one... he just gives up.
And then I'm gonna steal a car and drive toJersey and pick up all the little fuckin' pieces...
And then what happened?
And they condemned her to burn at the stake.
And we can open the presents whenever we want!
And when the Restaurant Guidebook recommends you...
And when we get back, you're gonna crawl into it, okay?
And you call that being responsible!
And you can eat your own lousy cookies.
And you don't even fuckin' appreciate it.
And you don't give us a goddamn thing.
And you hated New York...
And you have one bottle of eggnog.
And you were miserable being around people who could.
And you're way in over your head.
And your attorney general friends and your district attorney friends.
And, uh, woven into a, uh, quilt...
And... we were up to our ears in debt.
Another thing. He said, uh, your men are to assist and report to me...
Antiques like this ain't cheap.
Anyone get a good look at you?
Anytime there's any real problem, you people call yourjudge friends...
Are there any sexual problems in the marriage?
Are you guys decent? [Knocking]
Around yourself, shutting me out, shutting Jesse out...
As per his instructions.
As soon as we get back, we're gonna open the presents. Matter of fact, I'll tell ya.
As the story goes...
At least I'd be alive. Be better than living with a corpse.
Bainbridge is the only two way street to the docks.
Because I don't want you leaving with any misunderstandings.
Because my poor Lloyd needs his family.
Because the next time I see you I'm gonna tear all the hair out of your balls one by one...
Because we weren't as rich as your college friends were to enjoy it.
Because you didn't know what to do. You were confused.
Because you wanted to do it all by yourself.
Because, uh, when one is constructing...
Before tonight's curfew goes into effect.
Before you, uh, get on with your career in the service industry...
Behind the chessboard.
Belongs to the county prosecutor's office.
Betrayed her to the Romans as a Christian...
Between two people, it's sometimes a good idea to, uh...
Bring 'em on up.
Burglary.!
But although she was surrounded by fames...
But I'm right, aren't I? You would never have taken a couple, would you?
But it sucks just a little bit when you're 3 5...
But moving here was my decision.
But someone stole it.
But that I could say it just to get the divorce.
But the first time that you tried something...
But you don't see me with a gun.
But you were sure as hell sick and tired ofliving...
By our 12th anniversary, we'd gotten into a pretty stale routine.
Bye.
Capital L, small l, small A, small R, period.
Caroline and Lloyd Chasseur. What's your name?
Caroline, could I have the wine?
Caroline, could you come up here for a minute?
Caroline?
Caroline. Caroline, come on.
Caroline's leaving me.
Cat piss. [Sniffs]
Central, Cruiser 252. Panella speaking.
Chase the ball?
Chessboard, chessboard.
Christ.
Clear the road and slowly introduce exit signs.
Coffee?
Complex web... [Clears Throat]
Did I catch you at a bad time?
Did you ever pass by the Seventeenth Hole? It's like a urinal with windows.
Did you hear about the reward?
Did you say that you would quit, Caroline?
Did you say that you would quit?
Didn't your alien leaders teach you that before they sent you here?
Do I give a shit about this?
Do I want it?
Do you hate each other?
Do you like it, Mary?
Do you understand?
Doctor... Wong.
Don't encourage her, Mary. No one wants to listen to her misery.
Don't start running, kid. Once you start, you never stop. Believe me.
Don't talk to me. Shut up.
Drive.
Each with a specific geographic location.
Easy for you to say. Everything goes your way.
Eddie, get your men in here! Hit it!
Enough, okay? I said take me to your fuckin' house.
Every goddamn thing in the world handed to you. What fuckin' purpose do you people serve?
Everything's either black or white with him.
Everything's gonna be A okay.
Except I don't have the time!
Except that it is true, and we're not getting a divorce.
Excuse me, but this is my jurisdiction, and we are perfectly capable...
Excuse me. Is anything wrong?
Excuse me. Those dolls are my mother's. She's been collecting them for years.
Excuse me.! Are there any other hostages in the house?
Excuse my reach.
Expecting company?
Figure it out.! I don't care if it's a barrel as long as it fucking floats.
Fine. Fine, be that way.
For answering the call of duty...
For everything that's gone wrong in her life. In the meantime, she never finishes anything.
For what?
Fresh baked kringlors with a honey pecan dipping sauce...
From what school are you trained, Dr. Wong? Freud?
Fuck you, that's my name.
Fuckin' cocksuckers! Jesus!
Gary, are you gonna let him talk to me like that?
Get back on your knees or I'll shoot!
Get everybody out of there. Leave a couple of guys here for the state police.
Get in the den! [Growling]
Give me that.
Go get them yourself. He's not your errand boy!
Go into the living room. Then we can have our coffee and dessert in there.
Go on.
Go.
Goddamn it! Shit!
Good doggy. Good thickheaded doggy.
Got any rope... Lloyd?
Great.
Great. I just beat up Santa Claus.
Great. Looks like there's gonna be one more for dinner, huh?
Great. You know what?
Guess I ought to be getting home now.
Gus. Uh...
Gussie, where the hell are ya? I'm scared. I don't think I can handle this.
Guys, the cops are here. What are we gonna do?
Happens to be a close friend of mine.
Has everyone gone nuts? Who the hell do you think you are?
Haven't you left yet?
He can suck on a g****, Marge. Forget it.
He currently has several photographs of me.
He started an escort service for the football team, and he gave out my mother's phone number.
He steals appliances off of trucks.
He still can't figure out why they took Happy Days off the air.
He wants to run away to Acapulco. He tied me up in case I had second thoughts.
He, uh... he loves you so very much.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello.
Here we are.! Hey, hey.! I got one forJohnny here.!
Hey, come on. Come on, will ya?
Hey, George! The curfew! Go home! Get off the streets!
Hey, hey, no.
Hey, I'm in this family too, you know.
Hey, morons!
Hey, you had a gun, didn't you?
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey.! Who are you?
Highways of communication...
Highways of communication...
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas.
Honest. She's legit.
Honestly, George. What an example.
How can you talk to each other like that?
How small their penises are.
Humans get frightened because they have feelings.
I believe you have some evidence in your possession...
I bet you thought Margaret forgot you on her fruitcake list.
I can break into any house, take whatever I want: in and out, ten minutes.
I can't believe I'm working tonight.
I can't believe they're going to all this trouble for a thief.
I can't make it! You make it!
I can't spend my whole life sending everybody I care about to prison.
I could have been in the shower.
I distinctly heard him say that he was headed to a small airport in Hartford.
I do not want you or your men going in there.! Do you hear me?
I don't know. I don't know what your father wants.
I don't know. Where do you go?
I don't want any plastics and I don't want any ground foors...
I don't... l...
I feel sorry for the next deliveryman that comes to this house!
I found that so attractive.
I gave him a real job.
I got a lot of children to see before that curfew.
I got a partner who's 56. He's an alcoholic.
I got us moved to a more comfortable place.
I gotta stay with them to, uh, weave the, uh...
I gotta think. Aw, fuck.
I hate guys like you, you know?
I have a skill. I'm in the game, pal.
I have never heard of such a Christmas.!
I haven't finished a cigarette in three months. I take a few drags.
I heard something very similar on Oprah last week.
I hijacked my fuckin' parents.
I hope that dinner isn't ruined.
I hope they get into a fight like always. Their fights are bitchin'.
I just developed some new pictures. Stunning.
I just wanted to be close to you.
I know because I timed it once. I mean, it's no wonder I had an affair.
I know loan sharks that are more forgiving than you.
I know. Some guy robbin' people on Christmas Eve?
I let you use my home out of the goodness of my heart.
I mean, dreams should be private, don't you think?
I mean, let's really try to understand Caroline's miserable life.
I mean, what kind of a loser actually thinks anybody else is interested?
I might need a wheelchair, I'm telling you, kid.
I need some people to surround this house right now.
I passed by once on the access road.
I run an antique store in town. These are all from the shop.
I said I run it. I didn't say I own it. I am the manager.
I spoke to Mr. Willard. It seems there might be a videotape of the robbery.
I suppose you'll use this drama as a reason to have another affair.
I swear to God, you hit that kid one more time...
I tell you to get a boat, and this is what you get? Get out of the fuckin' way.
I think she should stop telling it at dinner parties to all our friends.
I think this is it.
I think we can get out of these. Oh, move your body!
I think we need a ruling on this.
I thought moms were supposed to be nice...
I thought... maybe. [Laughing]
I told you to act like a drunk vagrant imbecile.
I told you what moving here could mean, but you were the one who said we should consider it.
I want you in front of me at all times.
I was at this fancy restaurant having lunch...
I was pregnant with Jesse then.
I'd love the freedom to be a pissed off criminal without any responsibility...
I'd love to be able to help you. I don't know what to tell you.
I'd love to run around taking classes and playing with my inner selfness.
I'd put more men on the street, but they're not qualified for this kind of thing.
I'd rather be in Iraq than in this fuckin' house.
I'll get him. Back in a minute.
I'll give you another fifty.
I'll just go by myself then.
I'll save you the trouble. Your present is a giant, fuckin' cannon, okay?
I'll tell you what. Go to a place called Winslow Harbors, okay?
I'm a car man, Gussie. What the hell do I know about boats?
I'm at the Chasseur house. Over.
I'm calling an emergency meeting of the Old Baybrook Emergency Community Committee.
I'm coming.
I'm getting a ride home with a friend. I'll be late for dinner...
I'm glad I caught you before you left for the holidays.
I'm happy to give my children everything.
I'm in hell.
I'm Lieutenant Siskel from the academy.
I'm never having kids.
I'm not here to judge or to take sides. I will say...
I'm Santa Claus. [Shouting]
I'm sorry, Stella. I had some last minute work to do.
I'm trying to give them important information. He went to an airport in Hartford.
I've never seen these two so agreeable together.
I've survived worse than you.
I've, you know... This is finished.
If I were a senator... [Groaning]
If my plans change, I'll contact you.
If they're not, I'll blackmail him. See ya, Gus.
If we hate Aunt Caroline's cooking so much, why do we go there every year for Christmas?
If what's his name hadn't installed that fuckin' roadrunner booby trap...
If you recall, my first response to my mother's offer to live here was absolutely not.
In a one bedroom apartment in New York City.
In detail. It'll be so... fascinating.
In spite of your bungling, he's confident they'll find our thief...
In the first place, it wasn't one bad review in one lousy magazine.
In the master bedroom upstairs.
In the ninth grade, we told him he could get a part time job.
In those house to house searches during curfew.
Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for ten seconds?
Is it real coffee or some Scandinavian Christmas potion?
Is Siskel still here?
Is that part of the treatment too? She can't leave?
Is that what you said? Presents? I'll tell you what.
Is there a fucking waste of life named Murray here?
Is there a Murray here?
Is there some trouble?
Is this your boat?
Is when some kid is playing a practical joke...
Is wrong with you? Why do you get strange at family gatherings?
Isn't that a lovely Noel? It's been swell.
Isn't this exciting? I'm sure glad I got a chance to see Santa while he was here.
It doesn't feel like nothing.
It doesn't necessarily have to be your office.
It gives him horrible gas pains.
It really pisses me off.
It shouldn't even be counted as an affair.
It was always all up to me.
It was Lloyd's head on a plate of spinach...
It would be over in the time it takes to make cappuccino.
It's all finished. We have to get another bottle.
It's been a long, bad day.
It's my mother in law's. Every time I pass it, I feel her eyes on me.
It's not me, Mom. It's Caroline.
It's not right. It's not right.
It's nothing.
It's over. I mean, you're not the type. You're a thief, not a killer.
It's really expensive treatment. I can tell you that much. Costs a hell of a lot of money.
It's somebody I just met, and we kind of hit it off. I think she really likes me.
It's the county prosecutor.
It's to put in the bank. It's another payment on the loan.
Jeremiah Willard is known as the amusement park king...
Jesse, quick, take Gus to the path through the woods.
Jesus Christ, who are you fuckin'people?
Jesus.
Jesus. [Sniffs]
Jesus.!
Just because you've made your decree about this divorce...
Just behave and pay attention, or I take your son with me.
Just forget it, okay?
Just keep pretending like you're Dr. Wong. Then you don't have to go.
Just quit, huh?
Just sit down and give these people...
Just sit down and give these people...
Keep it moving. Keep moving.
Kid, what're you doin'?
Let me explain something to ya, kid.
Let me say it one more time. I have a gun. It's loaded. Shut up. Okay?
Let's get one thing straight. From now on, the only person who yells is me.
Let's go.
Let's see. No, no. The... The point is, in order to get this robe...
Let's set the record straight.
Lieutenant. Some county prosecutor guy?
Life and marriage was less complicated.
Life just bores the shit out of you people. I'm sorry.
Like he's preparing for my parole hearing. I don't get to do anything by myself.
Listen, kid. Maybe you better tell me where the swag is, in case I have to bribe somebody.
Listen, we'll drop you off wherever you'd like, and we won't say a word.
Listen. About the restaurant, I didn't say...
Listen. If the police have a curfew, they might do house to house searches.
Listens.
Lloyd was working as an assistant banquet manager at the Sheraton.
Lloyd, Caroline...
Lloyd, don't talk to me like that in my own house.
Lloyd, don't talk to me.
Lloyd, why don't you eat me.
Look, I promise you, we'll take care of this.
Look, if we just cooperate, I'm sure he won't hurt him.
Look, it was a long time ago. It's over. I'm fine about it.
Look, Santa can't drink any more milk tonight.
Look, you're making a mistake. I could help you out, you know.
Look. Can you just drive me around the block a little?
Lt. Huff here.
Lucia was engaged to be married...
Mackerel Lounge. Herbie speaking.
Married people without guns... for instance, you...
Mary, gag your grandma.
Marzipan cake with creme de menthe and lime zest.
May I ask you just one question?
Maybe him and the Easter Bunny...
Maybe I can't... take failure.
Maybe I could sell tickets. No, no.
Maybe I was afraid.
Maybe some of us are not in the mood?
Maybe they'll let him go in the spirit of Christmas.
Maybe you could go tell her what you think. You know, give her a hand.
Maybe you're right.
Men who don't have the guts to survive in the real world.
Merry Christmas, sir.
Merry Christmas, sir.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Might even make a book. Something like Mapplethorpe, only a little bit more personal.
Mm hmm. Ye... Marge, hold on. They got another call comin' in.
Mmm, these lamb coosins are great, sweetheart.
Mom, the TV's broke. What are we gonna do all night?
Mom? Merry Christmas.
Mother might get upset or Mother might get angry.
Murray. How are ya, pal?
My best to the wife and kids. Merry Christmas.
My God! I swear to God!
My God. Is this a Christmas story?
My husband had just died. I was all alone.
My husband lived in the next town...
My marriage was arranged, in fact.
My parents hate each other. My father records every mistake in my life...
Never again. Never again!
Never took any money from his family then.
Nice and quiet.
Nice. You rich?
No arguing. When you fight, you forget everything else.
No guns, no yelling! See?
No one goes to Acapulco anymore.
No prints, no evidence, nothing.
No sense of time.
No telephone except for the kitchen. No television.
No, it's a good idea. There's the mudroom, the trap door in the mudroom.
No, no, l, um... I mean about us.
No, no, no. I was, um, in the attic.
No, no. You said it as if it weren't true...
No, that's fast forward. This is it.
No, this is it. This is the best route.
No, this is Lt. Milford. To whom am I speaking?
No, you people don't get impressed, do ya?
No, you took out a loan. It was your decision.
No. Let's move.
No. No. What are ya, nuts?
No.! It's this one.
Nobody likes you. What are you talking about, friend?
Nobody on the second foor, in case your son makes noise.
Not later, now. Why? Because we're adults...
Not the actual moving, just the considering.
Now get the hell home, George, before we call your wife.
Now shut the fuck up.
Now, I want everybody into the den or I'm gonna shoot her.
Now, tell me about this doctor guy.
Now, we don't have much time. Rules of the house.
Now, you listen to me! I don't want any plastics and I don't want any ground foors.
Now... got any cigarettes?
Of complications...
Of course, we'll have to see what happens with interest rates in the new year.
Of lutefisk to prove the nothingness of being? No wonder our son's so confused.
Of some kind. [Sighs]
Oh, Caroline, this is for you from Lloyd.
Oh, Carrie.
Oh, come on. It can't be that bad.
Oh, I suppose you're the only one who's been tied up all night.
Oh, I'll get it. That's it. Thank you. Hello?
Oh, my God! Thank God you're here! You've got to hurry!
Oh, please, Jesse, look. Give us another...
Oh, thank God. Phil thought it might be semen.
Oh, thank you very much, sir.
Oh, what's the word?
Oh, who the hell knows, huh? Ow!
Oh, wow! That's so cool.
Oh, yeah, sure, right. Lloyd's no hero. Thanks a lot!
Oh, yes, your Christmas wish came true.
Oh! Speaking of which...
Oh. Isn't that nice.
Oh. Thanks.
Oh. This is forJesse.
Ohh!
Okay now, Caroline, Lloyd and I will go into the kitchen and get the coffee and dessert.
Okay, a lot's happened between me and Lloyd.
Okay, Dad. Come on, Gus. Let's get outta here.
Okay, dig in, everybody. Don't be shy.
Okay, I'll put you on hold. Thank you.
Okay, Murray? Bye bye.
Okay, Nat King Cole it is.
Okay, our car's in the driveway.
Okay? 555 353 7.
Okay.
Okay. Guess we're gonna have to economize, huh?
On the holiest of nights. Everyone, grab a glass.
One bad review in one lousy magazine.
One bedroom apartment.
One less worthless man around. One less burden to society.
One son who can't say boo to his wife...
Ooh!
Ooh! Did you know you're bleeding?
Or open restaurants when we get bored playing tennis.
Or your faggot dogs start humping each other without permission.
Otherwise, he'd be all alone with that adulteress and her delinquent son.
Our son's walking in here any minute. Why don't you worry about that?
Over the fiireplace?
People with guns can do whatever they want.
Phil needs to talk to a therapist.
Photography courses, existential philosophy courses, Scandinavian cooking classes...
Pigs.
Play catch, pal? Huh?
Probably 'cause you never worked a day in your life.
Put 'em in the fireplace, light 'em on fire. I'm gonna sit there with a glass of whiskey...
Really. What kind of farms?
Representatives ofJeremiah Willard have confiirmed...
Right back on track. Right? Right.
Right! And the loan was same situation...
Santa drinks milk.
Santa has a lactose intolerance.
Santa was mean to me.
See if there's a guy named Murray there, okay?
See if there's a waste of fucking life named Murray. Try that one, okay?
See? He blames me forJesse. Is that right?
Seven day old lutefisk and lamb gookins.
Sex and drugs a a and women being set on fire!
She can't afford to. If she did, she'd be back in the slammer before she knew it.
She does it to irritate me. I'm the one that she's after.
She gave it to the poor people of the village.
She has ruined my son's life. I can attest to that.
She said you never went three times, Bob.
She would not burn.
She? She? Murray, I've been in this house all night...
She's a little nervous about the dinner.
She's impossible to satisfy. She lives in her fantasies.
She's upstairs. She's chang... You want a cup of coffee?
Shh.
Shh.
Shit.
Shut up.!
Shut up.! Don't make me nuts today.! It's Christmas.!
Simple little equation.
Slipper socks, medium!
Slipper socks! Oh, I have wanted these for so long.
So do me a favor, do yourself a favor, cut the shit.
So do you think we should go untie everybody?
So don't hand me that it was the best of times bullshit!
So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices...
So start without me. Just kidding, Mom. See you later. Bye.
So what aboutJesse?
So... can we go home now?
Sorry, but Grandma's eating through her gag.
Spend all the money, come home, start all over again.
Stop that! What if he walks in here?
Take it easy.
Take me to your house.
Tell me something, in your professional opinion...
Telling people she dreams of me being castrated Florentined is healthy?
Than needing to keep your son's attention on you.
Thank you, Connie and Gary and Mary and John.
Thanks, Chief. Merry Christmas.
Thanks. I'm looking for a friend of mine.
Thanks. Old Baybrook residents will be competing for top dollars...
That guy blames Jesse for everything that happens.
That I was unfaithful.
That is not appropriate dinner conversation. Eat!
That may sound great when you're 15 years old...
That our volunteers patrol the streets to protect our homes.
That was really important to you, to us...
That's Chasseur. It's 18th century French Huguenot.
That's funny.
That's it, Lloyd. We are getting a divorce.
That's it, that's it.
That's obvious.
That's the mudroom.
That's the problem!
That's why I said you can say it.
The actual moving in part was left to me. Why?
The army? What the fuck? What am I? Oswald, here?
The boat needs... a little work.
The cops were all over the place.
The cops, they've set up a roadblock. They're checking cars.
The day you see anything through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear.
The last time you ate her cooking, you had diarrhea for a week.
The lights are on. They know we're in here.
The only time we get calls from you people...
The problem is someone has to be responsible.
The reward is now $200,000.
The simple truth is...
The spirit of Christmas is either you're good, or you're punished and you burn in hell.
The truth is, um, we haven't had sex in quite a while.
Then on TV every day, I see kids like you on these talk shows.
There is a world going on beyond our problems, Caroline.
There is no Yugoslavia anymore. And who in their right mind would go there?
There's got to be someone home with all these lights and that car in the driveway.
They have no experience. Nothing ever happens in this town.
They rendered her infammable.
They search until they find what they're looking for. It's a bad idea.
They should be here by 9:00.
They're gookins, not coosins, honey.
They're starting that curfew tonight, and this is our area.
They're worn in honor of Saint Lucia...
This is Chagall, right?
This is getting a little ugly here.
This isn't your M.O. You only knock over estates.
This may be our last chance for normal food.
This may turn out to be a very merry Christmas for some lucky family.
This... this...
Three times, Bob.
To Hindus looking for a fun night out of fasting...
Ugh. [Spits]
Ugh. I'm frightened.
Uh, actually, that was, uh, my idea.
Uh, Gussie?
Uh, I'll get there as soon as I can, okay? Tell the kids I love 'em.
Uh, we'll just put that in a pile right over here.
Uh... ow!
Um, there are Band Aids in the bathroom...
Un fuckin' believable.
Up against the bed.
Use the ouchless. They're in the green container.
Wanna play ball?
Watch it a few more times. Then I'll organize specific teams...
We couldn't afford a bigger place...
We don't all have rich mummies and daddies we can live off of...
We don't have much time. Pay attention to any distinguishing features.
We get the money back from the fence...
We had our own business once. We owned a restaurant.
We have bungee cords. They might work.
We have roast suckling pig...
We lived in the most... wonderful...
We now go to the Willard mansion and to our on the scene reporter Mike Michaels. Mike?
We were sitting in our bedroom on 78th Street.
We were smoking a joint and listening to Al Green.
We'll be there in 20 minutes.
We'll fix everything. No matter what happens between me and your father...
We'll get him though. We got every cop and his brother lookin'for him.
We'll just say we're being... affectionate.
We'll talk about this later, okay? Just stay here, please.
We're changing the rules a little bit, okay? We're gonna open up the presents now.
We're getting a divorce.
We're gonna be in a boat in a couple of hours. We'll be out of here.
We're in servitude to his mother for a loan she's charging us 18% interest on.
We're still missing it from the lawn Nativity scene from last year.
We've made a lot of mistakes. You got caught in the middle.
Well, guess it's gonna be a real Chasser family picnic, huh?
Well, I can't live like this. I don't care if I wind up...
Well, it might have worked if you could have taken your tentacles off of him.
Well, it seems that this therapy is working.
Well, it's a, uh...
Well, it's your money, pal.
Well, maybe what you should do is go and, um...
Well, she would never do that.
Well, Siskel said if we give him back the pictures he won't press charges.
Well, what do you want us to do? Turn him in?
Well, you know what? Welcome to the real world, where most of the time...
Well, you made it sound like it was yours. 'I run an antique store.
Well...
What a liar. You're so unhappy you can hardly breathe.
What are we, a buck ten? You're doing blackmail on people?
What are you doing?
What are you gonna do, Dad? Turn me in?
What decision?
What did I tell you if something went wrong?
What did you expect me to do, change the menu?
What did you have to do for it, dress his wounds?
What difference does any of this make now? You're getting a divorce.
What do we tell him about us?
What do you mean?
What do you want from the marriage now?
What do you want?
What I do, runnin' around stealin' shit...
What smells like piss?
What the fuck is that?
What the hell is wrong with you people? You're supposed to be a family.
What you're about to see has to be kept within the confines of this room.
What you're wearing on your heads are called Lucia wreaths.
What, are you pulling a gun on me? I'm not afraid of you.
What? You told me you quit.
What's going on? Who is he?
What's the point? You've made your decision.
What's through here?
When Gary comes, I'll get him to call you at the office.
Where the hell are ya?
Where... are they... Caroline?
Where'd you get the money for a limo?
Which friend? Do I know him?
Which I told you both would never work.
Which is about half what the stuff s really worth...
Which, uh, need to be weaved...
Who cares. My forehead is blistering.
Who gives a rat's ass how I feel? Where's Gussie?
Who the fuck is that? Make it quick.
Why didn't we just change the subject before I was humiliated?
Why don't you call them now and get the hell out of my office?
Why don't you eat something.
Why don't you go on Oprah and get it over with? Christ!
Why don't you have oral sex too. I'll go wait in the car!
Why don't you just sleep with him. Let us all off the hook.
Why don't you light the candles? That'd be good.
Why not? They are police, aren't they?
Why you quitting now? You got a great life.
Why? Because I have a gun, okay?
Why? No guns!
Will help you both with listening.
Will take a fuckin' cruise toJamaica...
Willard called the radio station from Bimini when he found out about the robberies...
With his penis sticking out of his ear.
With the kids and the family, I've never seen the whole thing.
With your cynicism and your derision!
With yourJeep Grand Cherokees and your Nicaraguan maids and your Ping Zing golf clubs...
Wong? You're a Wong?
Works for me.
World wars, old age, marriage and weak men like you.
Would you like us to come downtown and give our statement?
Wow.
Wow. Ow!
Yeah, it's, uh... real neat.
Yeah, they... they like it.
Yeah, yeah. I heard you!
Yeah. I heard you couldn't cut it working for a living, Mr. Brooks Brothers, so...
Yeah. I needed some big money fast. I was desperate. I wanted to get out of here.
Yes, but we have people coming for dinner.
Yes, Dr. Wong, why don't you tell us all about your treatment.
Yes, I'll talk to you later. Hello.
Yes, yes, and I couldn't in good conscience let it wait any longer.
Yes! So you are a liar. End of story.
Yes.
Yes. Lloyd's mother and his brother's family are coming for dinner.
You and my wife have a lot in common.
You bitch and moan because things don't go your way.
You both borrowed money to open that ridiculous restaurant...
You call your patients wackos?
You can call if you'd like. Um, let's see, one other thing...
You can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
You can divorce me, you know. I mean, I don't care about alimony.
You can hot wire station wagons, you can hot wire a fucking boat.
You can say...
You can't. Domino Square is a one way street.
You didn't know what was the right thing.
You didn't want to work anymore, and you didn't want any help with the baby...
You don't have the balls.
You don't see me sleeping with someone else.
You don't understand. What am I gonna do without it?
You forget I have your son upstairs.
You got a family to come home to, and what do you do?
You got everything, opportunities up the ass.
You gotta help me.
You gotta take me with you. I have no other option.
You guys help yourselves. I'll go get Caroline, so...
You had diarrhea for a week, Dad?
You have discussed Caroline's adultery.
You just described everybody in the place.