Once Bitten (1985) Edit

A bib?

A gerbil was bitten in the hind leg...

A laundromat?

A Sagittarius! Dynamite! I'm a Gemini.

A young man needs plenty of room.

After 120 years, you still have Georgia clay on your boots.

After that virgin!

After them!

Ain't no denyin'

All one had to do to get a good meal...

All right, they're not here.

All right. Let's go.

All right. Let's go.

All right. Now I'm angry.

All right. Try them on.

Also like the butler, too.

Am I sitting in the middle, wearing a red tie?

And an 18 year old boy would hardly be a virgin, now, would he?

And do what we really want to do?

And I love Mark.

And I think that...

And I think we had a good time.

And I'll know. And I swear I'll tell you.

And in your eyes, boy, I could see

And make him feel at home for the first hundred years.

And Mark Kendall...

And neither do you. This is it.

And now for the unveiling.

And plagues.

And she wants it now.

And so you shall be, lovey. I told you not to worry.

And then make your move, okay?

And what I found out is that Mark may have contracted some sort of disease.

And?

Any particular color?

Apparently, attacks so close to the source of...

Are you a prostitute?

Are you all right?

Are you feeling all right?

Are you feeling better?

Are you kidding? We haven't scored yet.

Are you okay?

Are you positive he's a virgin?

Are you suggesting we invade suburbia?

Are you sure you're all right?

As I was saying, cat and dog vampires. And I even remember, once in the 1960s...

Austrian peasant.

Baby blue. Wouldn't you know.

Back off!

Based on my broad and varied experience...

Be careful.

Beautiful dress, too.

Beautiful. Great place.

Because that's where all the action is.

Because we can hear you pacing the house all night.

Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare!

Besides, I'm an atheist.

Board of Education Chairman...

Bowling alleys, RVs...

Boy, you're acting really weird, you know that?

Bright as Venus.

But ever since then, weird things have been happening.

But I need you guys to find out for sure.

But I want it to be special.

But I'm beggin' you to hear me out

But it can't go on forever.

But not vintage, and certainly not virgin.

But of course. The result of a vampire bite, just the same as any other vampire.

But you did, you really did.

But you didn't have time to enjoy it.

But you're not a member of this class.

But, hey, how about you? Did you go for the pokey?

Can I buy you a drink?

Can I have one of those uncooked ones?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Can't I have any privacy?

Check it out.

Chicken McNuggets?

Come on, Jamie.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Tell us what happened. Blow by beautiful blow!

Come on.

Come on. I wouldn't say nothing.

Could a woman vampire actually exist today?

Could he?

Could one of these lady vampires actually bite a guy?

Could one of you please show me where the bathroom is?

Countess expects you all to take him under your wings...

Countess, did you get your second transfusion?

Countess, don't worry.

Countess, we've been all over this metropolis.

Countess! Sir!

Cracks me up.

Dearest Mark...

Delicious.

Did I enjoy it?

Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could have asked me?

Did she have any tattoos or scars or anything?

Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening?

Did you undress her slowly...

Did you... Did they do that over at the shopping mall?

Do you come here a lot?

Do you come here often?

Do you have a creamsicle?

Do you mind if we don't go barhopping tonight? I'm exhausted.

Do you realize that it's less than 10 days until Halloween?

Do you remember anything?

Does it matter?

Don't be disgusting.

Don't be such a big baby.

Don't be such a twerp. Our past histories speak for themselves.

Don't come in. I don't have any pants on!

Don't hang up. It happens all the time.

Don't let them get away!

Don't see a lot of mansions where I live.

Don't wait up.

Don't worry about it. The cleaning lady will fix it when she comes next week.

Drive carefully.

Early 1700s...

Enough!

Even in my dreams, she's there...

Except for the cleaning bill.

Eyes on fire looked at me

Fag alert!

Fags in the shower!

Fascinating.

Father, forgive me, 'cause I think I might have sinned.

Figures. A kid! A degenerate kid!

Filth! That's what this is.

Fire, on the other hand...

First baring her big, luscious magoombas?

Folding your undergarments or anything?

Forever is just what I had in mind.

Forever...

Gentlemen and ladies...

Get an early day.

Get out there and find me a virgin!

Get out!

Get rid of our inhibitions, and do what we really want to do.

Get rid of our inhibitions...

Go home with her, and then pretend nothing happened.

God! Come on!

God.

Goddamn it, will you forget your function for five minutes?

Gonna be mine forever

Gonna be mine forever

Gonna be mine forever and I ain't lyin'

Good night, Sebastian.

Good, because I only have $5.

Good. We also have it in yellow, if you prefer.

Goodness gracious! Just follow me.

Goodness gracious.

Great!

Great.

Great.

Great.

Guys, I mean...

Halfway through it a million times.

Has it changed you any? I mean, do you feel more manly or mature?

Has this happened before?

Have I ever failed you?

He couldn't be anemic.

He wants me, because I'm nice and sweet and pure.

He won't escape me.

He's still asleep.

He's still good.

Hear, hear.

Heavens, no. Let him go home and build up his strength.

Hello, Mark.

Hello, Mark.

Hello, tall, dark and handsome.

Hello.

Help!

Here, try this one. It's really neat.

Hey, man, do you know what that means?

Hey, stud.

Hi there, Russ.

Hi there! Number 17?

Hi, there.

Hi.

Hi.

Hollywood?

Holy shit.

How amusing.

How come he rates that deluxe job?

How dare you write this filth to my wife!

How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian?

How old are you?

How old are you?

How sweet of you.

How was he?

How would you like your crotch set on fire?

Hurry. Get that one.

I believe I've created a monster.

I bet my mom would love to borrow the pattern.

I called you 10 times last night. Why didn't you talk?

I came out of the closet centuries ago.

I can be yours, Mark...

I can't believe this happened.

I can't believe you'll throw away our relationship on a one night stand...

I can't! This always happens to me when I'm scared.

I could have done that.

I did?

I did.

I didn't know what size I'd need.

I do all these funny things.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it. It finally happened.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I don't know. The strip search was kind of fun.

I don't know. There's too much pressure about getting laid.

I don't mind.

I don't want to be a vampire. I'm a day person.

I don't want to do that.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about that.

I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoy.

I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoy.

I frightened a couple of kids just by looking at them.

I go to school. College.

I got to go to the bathroom.

I got to go.

I gotta get some punch.

I guess I'm an old fashioned guy.

I guess that's why I've been so mad.

I guess they're okay.

I guess you made that yourself.

I had the weirdest dream.

I have a bit of a problem.

I have a picture of my family in my wallet.

I have over here, somewhere, a book of plates showing color...

I have this premonition

I have to ask you something.

I have to replace every door you people smash.

I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boys' Choir hit town.

I haven't had this much fun since, like, Haight Ashbury.

I just have to know I'm ready.

I just thought we agreed that we'd dress alike, that's all.

I kind of like these. What do you think?

I know if Robin sees us together, I'm in big trouble.

I know what it is you need

I know your mind is filled with doubt

I know. It's just... I don't know.

I like the white.

I love Robin.

I love your outfits. Let me take your names for the best costume contest.

I made a stupid mistake. I'm sorry.

I mean, I don't know what happened, exactly.

I mean, my mom, she's great.

I mean, that's... They... You do.

I mean, you are a doer.

I mean, you do. You're a doer.

I mean, you know, most people don't do things...

I mind.

I mind.

I need a virgin!

I need soap.

I need you to check his inner thigh for two little sores.

I need your touch It's a spell you put me under

I needed you. That's all he said?

I really want to do it.

I remember she bit the buttons off my shirt.

I remember when I met the Countess.

I saw somethin' there you didn't want me to see

I saw your face and right away

I see you've made yourself at home.

I see. Everything is under control?

I seriously doubt it.

I sleep with my brother, and he's a chronic bed wetter.

I swear you guys are insane. You've lost your minds.

I swear, I wasn't there a minute ago.

I think I dreamt that I was one of those.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

I think I've got just the thing.

I think she's a vampire, and I think she's turning me into one.

I think so. I don't know.

I think there's been a little misunderstanding. I'm not...

I thought he was different than other guys.

I thought I heard noises. I was checking for prowlers.

I thought I looked more like De Niro.

I thought Mark meant something to you.

I told you, I couldn't get out and get a costume today.

I told you, I don't remember!

I want to, I really do.

I want to. I really do.

I was going to be Gandhi, but I couldn't find glasses or a mustache...

I was hoping you would share my champagne.

I was wondering if you needed any help...

I was wondering...

I wouldn't sit in the same room with you, degenerate.

I wouldn't try to hurt you. You know that.

I'd like to have a little talk with you.

I'll close the door.

I'll get a sweater that'll lighten up the black pants a little bit.

I'll just go check on the gentleman's truck.

I'll never find another virgin.

I'll see you in your dreams.

I'll tie you up on your bed. I'd love to whip you.

I'm 390 years old.

I'm a mature person, and you're a mature person.

I'm a mature person, and you're a mature person.

I'm a teenager. I'm supposed to make stupid mistakes.

I'm always watching you.

I'm fine. Really.

I'm gonna slip into something a little more comfortable.

I'm making your favorite breakfast, egg burger.

I'm not dressed like a vampire.

I'm not mad.

I'm not wearing a costume!

I'm not wearing a costume.

I'm not?

I'm Russ and I'm a Sagittarius.

I'm Russ and I'm a Sagittarius.

I'm so excited. It's as if I were young again.

I'm sorry, Father.

I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.

I'm sorry, okay? It's not supposed to be a fashion statement.

I'm sorry.

I'm starting to freak out.

I'm studying to be an electrical engineer.

I'm telling you, girls have a six year cutoff time.

I'm the owner of the pants you've been trying to get into for the last four years.

I'm whatever you want me to be.

I'm working on the acid rain problem.

I've been here watching you.

I've often been the other woman.

I've seen you in your shorts before, Mark Kendall.

If anybody asks, tell them Jack couldn't get it up after the fall.

If he got bitten, how would you know?

If I had known you were going to dress as a vampire...

If it's pink, I'm gonna puke.

If they haven't put out in the first six years, they figure, why bother?

If you're really his friends, you'll do this.

If you're so interested in my sexual failures, why don't you go have a few of your own?

In a $100 scarf, perhaps?

In the bed.

In the case of a virgin, untapped sexual potency...

In your most fevered adolescent slumber.

Is he cute?

Is that a new kind of choke hold?

Is that I feel like I'm changing.

Is there anything you need? Food? Drinks?

Is there such a thing as a female vampire?

Is what the woman vampire needs to retain her youth and beauty.

It belongs to my father. Besides, you might chip a tooth.

It just felt weird for a second.

It looks weird.

It only works in movies.

It was a total disaster.

It was all a big mistake. I was so drunk, I don't remember much, you know.

It was just... All those kids were yelling and screaming and freaking out.

It was Russ's stupid idea.

It would be better slower.

It's a little bright in here, isn't it?

It's beautiful. I mean, the...

It's because I think maybe you did what you did because of me.

It's been three days. Do you think we ought to go find Mark?

It's her. It's that woman.

It's like taking a driver's test for manhood.

It's natural. It's right.

It's not natural for me to do it in a car.

It's really bad for your knees and your back, Dad.

It's the most humiliating experience of my life.

It's what people do when they are in love.

Jeez.

Jill, sans Jack.

Just get a good night's sleep.

Just hypothetically, what if he was a virgin?

Just make sure he doesn't slip away.

Kind of a square. Sort of a jock.

Know what I'm shopping for?

Last week, I went to a bar in Hollywood...

Later, blood.

Let the little creep in. I don't mind.

Let's find out.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go.

Let's just say...

Life used to be so simple.

Like a flame

Like H2O!

Like this one, piercing the artery.

Like, maybe in Hollywood?

Listen...

Little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry.

Look around you.

Look at your hair, even.

Look what got left behind.

Look, I'm a mature person, and you are a mature person, so...

Look, Mark...

Look!

Made out of tin foil, where you stick little straws in them to open them?

Make me lovely.

Make your mother feel better.

Mark doesn't want you, because you're mean and evil.

Mark Kendall as a vampire!

Mark Kendall.

Mark, it's me, Robin. Do you remember?

Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.

Mark, you're still a virgin. She never made love to you.

Mark's got an ice cream truck, and we came down.

Maybe next time.

Me?

Me? 21.

Midnight.

Move away from him! Up against the wall!

Must be the delegation from below.

My eyes?

My God, it lives.

Nebraska.

Neither one of us can afford to spend the night in jail.

Never!

No more excuses! She's heard them all. She wants action.

No need for your suspicion

No, that's it. We're homos. We're rump rangers.

No!

No.

No. She just thinks if it's good, it can wait.

Not if she got down on her knees and...

Not much.

Not once, but three times before All Hallows' Eve.

Not the Age of Innocence.

Not to worry?

Not to worry?

Now come on.

Now that's a burger!

Now, Jamie, look!

Now, now. I'll take care of you.

Number 17.

Number four at the bar.

O positive.

Of course, and I'll get the third one, too, despite that girl.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, oh

Oh, yeah? Look at me. I'm good. I can't wait.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, now remember, you ease over...

Okay, Sebastian, out of the closet. Now.

Okay, Sebastian. Out of the closet.

Okay.

Okay. Do you have enough money for a motel room?

Okay. Do you have enough money for a motel room?

Okay. That's not funny now.

Older than you think.

On those silly vampire movies.

Once bitten

Once bitten

Once bitten

Once bitten We're singin' in the rain, boy

Once bitten We're singin' in the rain, boy

Once bitten We're singin' in the rain, boy

One who isn't afraid to show his emotions or cry on your shoulder.

Our new young recruit will be joining us for Halloween.

People respected the power of a vampire.

People say I could pass for 18.

Pillows, and everything. Nice.

Please don't bite my buttons.

Please don't bite the buttons off this jacket.

Please understand.

Pornographer! I've read your letters!

Put down the cross.

Quiet, please.

Rare hamburger, please.

Really? That's great.

Remember the look of terror in a peasant's eyes...

Remember, part of you belongs to me now.

Right now, I'm as close to physical perfection as I'm gonna get.

Right.

Robin and I have been having some problems.

Robin Pierce...

Robin, please!

Robin, wait a second.

Rough trade.

Saturday night, the three of us went up to Hollywood.

Score? Not here, that's for sure.

Sebastian brought you some orange juice.

See you in school tomorrow.

See you tonight.

See, I told you we'd get lucky.

See, I'm sort of committed...

She found a virgin! We're home free.

She just took your blood from... You know.

She keeps following me around!

She said, Come on over!

She took me to her house...

She wants you to have a drink with her.

She's got a much stronger hold on him than I thought.

She's not a little twerp.

She's young, she's sweet, and she's pissing me off.

Shit.

Showing you joys you never dreamed possible...

Shut up, scumbag!

Sir.

Sissy.

So fuck off!

So now I'm Yul Brynner.

So why don't we just skip all the bullshit...

So why don't we just skip all the bullshit...

So, you and Mark broke up for good this time?

So...

So...

Somebody get a plastic surgeon. Quick!

Somethin' inside me trembled tenderly

Sometimes I think I should just go out, find some strange woman and get laid.

Somewhere, in places like Kansas...

Sores?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. I'll put it in third.

Sounds good to me.

Stand back!

Start your day off with a smile.

Stop being so damned negative.

Stop it!

Stud!

Studs R Us.

Sunrise in an hour. I suggest that you all...

Sure thing.

Sure, I feel fine. Why?

Sure.

Sure.

Take a hike! We're closed for renovations.

Taking a nap.

Tell you what, I'll be in touch.

Thank you, no, Sebastian.

Thank you.

Thank you. I'm pleased to announce...

That the winner of the best costume contest is...

That was done a long time ago in Europe.

That's depressing. Really depressing.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

That's great. I like that. I had a dog named King once.

That's not fair. I was drunk.

That's okay. I look young for my age, too.

That's real unselfish of you.

That's the ideal place. You see, she can blend in with the crowd.

That's the second time. How'd you manage that?

That's the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?

That's very nice.

That's what I like about them.

That's what's so funny. I think I want to do it as much as you do.

That's why I couldn't see myself. Vampires don't have a reflection.

The butler? You mean they all saw her bite your buttons?

The chauffeur?

The day she bit me was the sweetest day of my young life.

The next thing I remember, Sebastian bringing me orange juice.

The one that bit your buttons?

The one you wore last night. All the buttons are gone.

The point is, I just feel silly dressed as Jill without Jack.

The previous owner slaughtered his family, and then hung himself.

The same as you.

The shocking reputation that vampires are having these days.

The sooner we get her loose, the sooner you're gonna.

The water is too cold! I need hot water over here.

The water is too cold! I need hot water over here.

The whole school thinks we're gay.

The worst part...

Then I could go back to Robin without all this pressure between us.

Then I think he has a lot bigger problems to worry about than female vampires.

There are other virgins out there.

There must be a virgin out there. Find him!

There.

There's always tomorrow.

There's an inch of dust under there.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

There's no better place to pick up on lonely, bored women.

There's no such thing.

There's nothing to talk about.

There's some Life Savers in that other pocket, there.

These are the 1980s.

They can handle it. Don't do anything rash.

They want you, not us. We'll hold them off.

They were just glad for you that you won.

They were washing.

They'll hardly bother these.

They're kind of, you know, black.

Thirty two.

This is a big misunderstanding. I didn't write anything...

This is a nice house.

This is awful.

This is my first time.

This is terrible.

This is the suckiest thing that could ever happen.

This jogging crap is for the birds.

This place is great. I mean...

Tired blood is of no use to me.

To my knowledge, you have never attended lab before.

To this really nice girl.

Tonight, the holy third!

Trust me, we've got them right where we want them.

Try petite.

Try this.

Turning you into a vampire?

Twice, we have shared a mystical experience.

Unless the Countess gets what she must have...

Use your imagination.

Vampire.

Vampires?

Vampires? Did you say...

Very amusing. Come on, help me.

Very nice...

Very rare, please.

Virgin blood isn't easy to come by these days, Countess.

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute. I see another one.

Wait up!

Wait up! I have to talk to you about Mark.

Wait, my truck! My ice cream truck!

Wait.

Wake up, sleepyhead. It's sunset.

Want to leave now? This place is stupid.

Was go out in the field and pick up a shepherd or two.

Watch.

We better get out of here.

We can't do it in my bed!

We can't very well put him down with the others yet.

We heard this was a swinging place, that's all.

We just came here to get some girls tonight. I mean, meet some girls.

We just moved in.

We know you haven't been sleeping...

We live in a sexual wasteland.

We might as well move in together and get his and his towels.

We might as well. Nothing ever happens here.

We should check out some of the bars in Hollywood.

We were enacting a prison **** scene.

We'll be seeing each other again soon?

We'll have three beers, all around.

We'll see how you feel in a couple of days.

We'll see the light, we'll hear the thunder

We've known each other forever and ever.

Welcome to this most auspicious occasion.

What about an ice cream truck?

What am I supposed to do with it?

What are you doing here? Where did you come from?

What are you doing in there?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What did happen, anyway?

What do I do if I get lucky?

What do I do if I get lucky?

What do you do for a living?

What do you want us to do?

What happened to you guys Saturday night? I called you Sunday, but you were out.

What happened?

What happened?

What has Mark done with his hair?

What if Robin finds out?

What is this doing here?

What should we do now?

What the hell are you guys doing?

What the hell?

What time is it?

What time is it? I got to go!

What was that scene in the shower all about?

What were they doing in the showers in the first place?

What would you like?

What you know about women would fill an atom sized piece of toilet paper.

What?

What'll we do with him?

What're you talking about? You're the one who asked me...

What's he like? Another crazy we don't need?

What's the difference? I'm so old, I can't remember my own sign.

What's your name?

What's your name?

When lightnin' strikes Oh, oh

When lightnin' strikes Oh, oh

When lightnin' strikes Oh, oh

When you'd swoop down on him?

Whenever I'm on the prowl.

Where I met this strange woman.

Where'd you find her? A 7 Eleven, a bowling alley?

Who cares what those assholes think?

Who decorated it, anyway?

Who's gonna tell her? Not me.

Whole cities infested with rats.

Whore! Caught in the act, you pedophile!

Why did you go with that creep?

Why don't we go to your place?

Why don't you shoot off a cannon? Jesus.

Why don't you sit down so we can discuss this like mature...

Why don't you sit here?

Why don't you try it on in the dressing room. I'll be with you in just a minute.

Why make it harder than it has to be?

With a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons.

With nothing to show for it?

Work on her feet. Come on!

Would you just leave me alone?

Wow! That was quick!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes! Do I have some books on vampires!

You bought it for $49.99.

You bungling idiot!

You can always tell what you're getting into by checking out their underwear first.

You can have your damn ring back!

You check out the hamper...

You come with us. The rest of you go that way.

You could have...

You couldn't have. You've been in there less than a minute.

You did it with her, didn't you?

You didn't make love to her?

You don't eat right, you know that?

You don't know what's happening, do you, Mark?

You don't want to end up in the slammer.

You earned your juice.

You go out behind my back, pick up a woman at a bar...

You got it, honey.

You got it. We don't belong.

You got that?

You got to cool it. I mean it.

You in here?

You intend to invite four friends?

You know those little packets of fresh fruit juice...

You know, it is most unfortunate...

You know, just sort of screwing around with my life!

You know, like, a teenage guy?

You know, maybe the Countess is right.

You know, most people are basing their opinions...

You know, there are even cases of cat and dog vampires.

You know, you're a very pretty lady. We had a nice time.

You know...

You look like Jerry Lewis.

You lose your refuge and her protection. Is that clear?

You make it sound like the '50s.

You mean to tell me you went home with a woman you met in a bar in Hollywood?

You might take a look, as long as you're down there.

You must've got it cheap.

You nut.

You see, the female vampire needs the blood of a virgin.

You shouldn't be so sweet.

You slime, this is private!

You stay here. We'll go the other way.

You think so? You don't know?

You were, but you're supposed to. That's part of being a teenage girl.

You won't feel no pain, boy

You won't feel no pain, boy

You won't feel no pain, boy Once bitten

You won't feel no pain, boy Once bitten

You won't feel no pain, boy Once bitten

You, wipe your feet.

You'd be mine

You'll feel much more secure when Mark has given you your second transfusion.

You're a big help. Thanks a lot.

You're a long way from Covent Garden. Your report?