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Home > Van Wilder (2002)
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Van Wilder (2002)

Van Wilder (2002)

Released in 2002, "Van Wilder" is a comedy film directed by Walt Becker. It follows the comedic misadventures of the titular character, Van Wilder, a charismatic and notorious party animal who has been attending college for an unusually long time. Starring Ryan Reynolds as Van Wilder, the film also features Tara Reid as Gwen Pearson, Kal Penn as Taj Mahal Badalandabad, and Tim Matheson as Van's father, Vance Wilder Sr.

With its uproarious humor and light-hearted tone, "Van Wilder" has become a cult classic among comedy enthusiasts. The film delves into Van's extravagant and outrageous attempts to fund his never-ending college experience and his pursuit of true love. Filled with hilarious moments, absurd situations, and memorable characters, it provides a fun and entertaining watch for audiences.

If you're in the mood to relive the laughter or experience it for the first time, you can easily play and download the sounds from this film here. Whether it's Van's witty one-liners or the uproarious classroom pranks, the sounds of "Van Wilder" are sure to leave you chuckling.

A collective GPA of 52,000?
A Delta?
A dilemma has arose up front.
A friend of yours...
A good soldier does not leave his commander...
A good writer gets her story no matter what.
A party people will actually show up to.
A party we can be proud of...
A perfect match, connected forever.
A pro.
A ritual, if you will, that allows me...
A story that nobody's been able to get.
A time to say good bye to the parents once again...
After this weekend, we should have sufficient funds...
Air dry that shit, yeah.
All doctors.
All right, everybody?
All right, look.
All right, sister. Enjoy yourself. Power to the people.
All right, thank you, man. Enjoy yourself.
All right, things to remember commerce and trade
All right, Trapper. Stay cool.
All right, Wilder, let's dance.
All right.
All right. Gwen, all right! You're just in time.
All right. So... am I here for a physical?
All you need are the three fundamentals scented candles...
Always check the quality of the turf before you step onto the field.
Am I right?
And a few that weren't mine. Stepped into the wrong one.
And all of our athletics those are all so minuscule?
And also correct.
And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester.
And Barry White.
And cut your losses.
And Dr. Smelnick.
And each article skipped over by the majority of the student body.
And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it!
And I am really enjoying the present right now...
And I guess so is a promise...
And I just wanted to bring my A game.
And I quote, Van Wilder is a party pimp.
And I would like to be your assistant very much...
And I wouldn't want our future children to be tainted...
And I'm gonna help you put the bang in Banglapur.
And I'm ready to move on.
And if Milty Mingleton can shove himself...
And in reaction to this lynching...
And it hurts when I
And it's okay. You just had to get it out of your system.
And just as I expected...
And just like that, Topless Tutors was born.
And just so we're clear, I'm telling you to go fuck yourself!.
And just the right chromosomal anomalies.
And leave Coolidge with a degree.
And my 9:45 till Wednesday.
And of course, Gwen's father.
And Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck.
And say hello to a few new student bodies.
And smother it.
And state his or her case within 48 hours of being discharged.
And suggest an alternative punishment.
And that guy she's with all kinds of wrong for her.
And the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester.
And then I don't know how.
And then I am in!
And then I broke the boredom.
And then we bumped uglies.
And we talked it over.
And you know something, Timmy?
And your time is up, Mr. Wilder. Pencils down.
Any student may appeal an expulsion before the university judicial board...
Anything at all?
Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand.
Are we gonna get in trouble for being in here?
Are you and Richard in the same fraternity?
Are you insane? You know my midterm and finals ritual.
Are you okay?
Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
As a story, I think...
As for me, well...
As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that's my room, wasn't it?
As well as our most valued client.
As you're all aware, Van was almost expelled.
At the Hillel House, I broke bread.
At which time I must return to my home country...
Au contraire, mon frères. Girls!
Awesome work, sisters.
Baby, I'm about to culminate. Now, get over here.
Barry White.
Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
Be happy for both of us. The Richard and Gwen life plan is kicking in.
Because I didn't want the students to know I threw the party.
Because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump...
Because if word gets out that I read, my reputation
Because Mommy went slumming one night back in college.
Because of her article, everybody wants to have a party thrown by Van Wilder...
Because they love each other?
Because they're compatible.
Because this morning I placed a stop payment on this semester's check.
Because you have the potential to be great.
Because you'll die a lot of times.
Before settling down with my fiancée, Gwen.
Being bad seldom is.
Believing for so long
Besides, babes that fine
Big finish.
Bikini clad judges for a fund raiser? That's pretty ingenious.
Biology, English Lit, Calculus, Economics...
Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself.
Brilliant, Pearson.
But aren't you glad we did?
But hurry. Interview's in a half hour, other side of campus.
But I believe in you.
But I hear ”milk, I think giant jugs.
But I see that now.
But I think it's crucial we like minded people get to know one another.
But I was wrong. It took a man by the name of Van Wilder to teach me that.
But make sure you see he's raised $5,000 to give the swim team a next season.
But not without a W tonight.
But right now I am prepping for the biggest moment of our lives.
But sadly I don't do interviews. Never have, never will. I do lunch.
But she is just so damn good.
But sometimes guys can do some pretty childish things.
But sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you...
But that would mean one of them would have to be dead.
But we gotta talk, guys.
But you have wasted enough of your time and my money.
But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge...
By a pathetic, egomaniacal frat boy...
By all means. Come in, please.
By parting ways as a graduate.
By the way, can you tell me if there'll be any international travel?
Bye.
Bye. Thanks for coming.
C los, get your ass off my shirt.
Call me nuts...
Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week.
Carry the two Yes, that's correct.
Casey. I'm just using Gwen's computer.
Cash, Visa and full frontal nudity.
Causing acute achondroplasia...
Come on!
Come on. We got a ball game to win.
Commerce and trade, so forth and so on.
Congratulations, Taj! Your first blow job.
Congratulations, Van. I knew you had it in you.
Cookies!
Coolidge College was established in 18
Could use some extra income.
Crazy kids with their crazy VD.
Created and Encoded by Bokutox of www.YIFY TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet.
Crimson and blue for nearly a decade.
Dad, what are you doing here?
Dad! I can't believe you're here.
Damn hot!
Damn it, Gwen, pick it up. I know you're there.
Damn it!
Dear God, that's wretched.
Dear Van
Decorated in early fuck.
Definitely be out of the question unless they all agreed with us...
Delta Iota Kappa rules!
Depression: Is Prozac really the answer?
Desi told me how she and a few of her grad school pals...
Desiree is the foremost connoisseur of chili con carne...
Did you sit behind me two semesters ago?
Dine at just one American pink taco stand.
Do you realize that?
Do you want my hot tub, or should I just give it to Milty?
Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?
Don't be a fool. Stay in school.
Don't even sweat it, Taj. I've got a plan.
Don't pick at it. Moving on.
Don't sugar coat it, Taj.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.
Don't tease me.
Don't thank me. Thank penicillin.
Don't worry about the money. I'll figure something out.
Don't worry, Van. We'll get you out, man.
Don't you? I mean, look around you.
Dope song. What's it called?
Dorsal appendage. Gwen.
Dr. Fine.
Dr. Pearson?
Each article well written and researched by our own Gwen Pearson...
Ease up on the medical terms. Just keep it simple and terrifying.
Easy, sailor.
Either way...
Equals... six?
Even if I tell you it's gonna be on the front page of the graduation issue...
Even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.
Ever.
Everybody just file out in an orderly fashion.
Exactly how much money do you have?
Except that guy.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Excuse me. Can you tell me...
Excuse me. Where can I find Van Wilder?
Expulsion.
External occipital protuberance.
Famine Crisis in Rwanda.
Fill this out. It's a standard payment plan extension form.
Fine. Maybe your friends can pay your tuition.
Finished his written exam in only 20 minutes. This kid is a dynamo.
First, my bitch turns down my proposal. Then she runs into that loser's arms.
Five finals in the can with Professor McDoogle's advanced econ final to go.
For either of you.
For some reason, my editor thinks you're a story.
For the better part of a decade.
For the school newspaper.
For the story.
Forget him. Let's crap in the chapter room and make the pledges clean it up.
Freshman year. I'll get the others.
Freshman year. I'll get the others.
Fries their brain cells, man.
From the sisters of Sigma Theta Tau. Dig in, guys.
Fuck you, Van Wilder!
Fuck you, you you you
Fuck!
Gentlemen.
Give me a V! Give me an A!
Give me an N! What does it spell?
Go out to those hung and handsome bad boys...
Go, baby, go!
God only knows what my parents and their stuck up friends are doing to him.
God, I've bled...
God, these are excellent.
Good luck, honey. You deserve it.
Good luck, ladies.
Graphic.
Great work, Van. Thanks!
Guess what. I'm feeling a little cold sore coming on.
Guys.
Gwen is an extremely gifted journalist.
Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe...
Gwen, first dates are interviews.
Gwendolyn Elizabeth Pearson...
Gwenny, I said 9:30. It's 9:20.
Gwenny, I'm just saying that they're a match.
Gwenny, I'm kidding. I apologize.
He broke a rule. He should pay the consequences.
He got expelled today. Is that in your story?
He kept babbling about the differences between light and dark beer.
He used to write for the school paper.
He was an alumnus of our journalism staff.
He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told.
He?
He's got no business parking there. That's my spot.
He's in his, what, sixth year?
He's in! He's in!
He's nothing more than a mild rectal itch.
He's probably touched your life in some way, whether you know it or not.
He's probably touched your life in some way, whether you know it or not.
Hell no, man. I've been at the door all night.
Hello?
Here you go, Taj. Get your rave on, man.
Here, I'm done with all of this.
Hey, babe.
Hey, guys.
Hey, guys. Hey, Richard.
Hey, guys. Just giving you all the 411 .
Hey, have you heard from Gwen?
Hey, hold up a second. What are you doing here?
Hey, I couldn't have did it without you. Appreciate it.
Hey, I know you, man! Oh, fuck.
Hey, I know you.
Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mt. Holyoke?
Hey, Richard. Ready to study?
Hey, surprise. I'm on your oral exam board.
Hey, Tajy. Let's boogie.
Hey, Van, can I borrow
Hey, Van. Hey, Van the man.
Hey, Van. I just wanted to come by and extend an olive branch.
Hey. Excuse me. Gwen!
Hi, partner in crime. Is there anything I can do for you today?
Hiding.
His name's Richard. He's premed.
Hold on, son. You don't want to do this.
Hold on.
Holy crap.
How much is your time worth?
How much they enjoy reading about this guy.
How often does your heart lead you into the women's locker room?
How old are you, Sally?
However, it was only when I met a special someone...
Huddle up. Come on. Team meeting here.
Hutch, take over.
Hutch?
I admit I applied for this job...
I am here to ask you to aid us in throwing a party...
I am not getting in that thing with you.
I am pleading to this committee, reinstate me.
I attended class today. Just about stayed the whole time too.
I called you last night, Van.
I came here to study the great American art of muff diving.
I can't argue against the infraction.
I can't believe you graduated.
I can't do this!
I can't hear the boos! Now, listen up.
I can't hold on
I certainly do.
I certainly hope so, Mr. Wilder.
I did receive exemplary marks.
I did your story, Elliot. I'm not doing another one.
I didn't want to come here either. They made me come!
I don't care. I won't pander to them.
I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore.
I don't know why exactly.
I don't like the way you condescend me.
I don't think so.
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down?
I feel really good about that.
I got dinner at Gwen's parents' house.
I got it, guys. No problem whatsoever.
I hate to break this to you, Ming, but you ain't Asian.
I have a chance to make front page of the graduation issue...
I have a date with Naomi tomorrow night...
I have a written exam first, and then an interview with five Northwestern alums.
I have been inundated with people telling me...
I have cats.
I have got a very challenging assignment for you.
I have no comment...
I hope you can skate.
I just came across a bit of interesting information.
I just couldn't believe it. Gwen and Van in the women's locker room.
I just don't have the time.
I just hope you used some protection.
I just want to know why you're putting off your life.
I just wanted a visual.
I just wanted to explain about the whole, you know, Richard thing.
I knew you weren't listening.
I know Ms. Pac Man's special.
I know you had a fling with Wilder.
I know you were right
I know you were right believing for so long
I know.
I know. I'm just doing some final revisions to this piece on euthanasia.
I like to start off each semester with a certain time honored tradition.
I long to rub you the right way.
I look at you guys, and you know what I see?
I love this song.
I love you.
I mean, I just couldn't believe it. So anyway, let me tell you something.
I mean, this girl is dynamite.
I need more time.
I need these in 20 minutes.
I need to see the grade transcripts for Van Wilder, please.
I need you to fill this up with ice. Pack as much as you can inside.
I put in a good word for you.
I recorded quotes that you got money from the Lambdas to throw them a party.
I see a bunch of party animals...
I see a rabbi, and he's performing a circumcision...
I shouldn't even be talking to you like this.
I study till 11:00. Nine solid hours of sleep.
I think I remember this behind. I mean, you sitting behind me.
I think it takes a lot more than the kind of underwear one wears...
I think you've got a lot of heart in there, mister, don't you?
I think you've got the balls to make it here.
I thought a lot about what you said, and
I thought it was 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year.
I thought we could spend some time together...
I used to party with this guy who once told me...
I vote reinstatement.
I want to apologize for what Richard did the other night.
I want to chew the
I want to take it through the car wash, baby.
I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake.
I want you now.
I want you now.
I want you shining glass.
I want you to have this.
I want you to tell me what Robert Frost was trying to express here.
I wanted to give you the results of your test firsthand.
I was hanging on by a thread, but I was still making tuition.
I was just wondering if you could... slam the door in my face.
I was responsible for that party, so what happened was my fault.
I was scared that you wouldn't come.
I was the first ever male cheerleader at Huntington High!
I will be up when I'm done with my presidential responsibilities.
I will stay on at no charge.
I wish I had teachers like that.
I wonder how T Bad's date's going.
I would have cashed in my Israel bonds.
I would have paid him way more than a grand for this party.
I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
I'd be honored if you and I surgically and spiritually...
I'd do anything for you guys...
I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri.
I'll get that.
I'll write that down.
I'm a counselor for the Further Leaders of America's overnighter.
I'm all out of love
I'm all out of love
I'm an exchange student from Banglapur, India.
I'm bleeding!
I'm doing a human interest piece on you.
I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate.
I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me.
I'm getting my shit together. Just one second.
I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
I'm gonna go make some calls for the party, okay?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
I'm gonna need at least one more booklet.
I'm Gwen Pearson, staff writer for The Liberator.
I'm here to lay myself at the mercy of this court...
I'm in the middle of an 80 year tradition here.
I'm in the middle of class. You know, that five letter word.
I'm leaving.
I'm looking for information on a current student here, Van Wilder.
I'm not sure, and for some reason...
I'm off. Taj, you're in charge.
I'm old enough to be jealous of that Gwen girl.
I'm only gonna go over this one more time.
I'm Panos Patakos, president of the Lambda Omega Omega fraternity.
I'm president of both my fraternity and the student government.
I'm proud of you, Van, graduation or no graduation.
I'm proud of you, Wilder.
I'm releasing my seminal fluids inside of you now!
I'm so glad you could fit us into your schedule this morning.
I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
I'm so sorry, baby. I totally forgot.
I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed.
I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go.
I'm sorry. You really just don't fit the profile.
I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular...
I'm staying here with my friends.
I'm still looking for that dare to be great situation.
I'm sure we can accommodate a few more, yeah?
I'm sure you're aware of our... stigma.
I'm Taj Mahal Badalandabad.
I'm trying to spark this bong, but this damn thing won't light.
I've been a student here for seven years, and I've
I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential.
I've done a lot in seven years.
I've learned a lot here at Coolidge.
I've tried to experience all that Coolidge has to offer.
If he's here, who's running Hell?
If we expel him, there could be some sort of a coup d'état.
If you don't have your doctorate, you haven't done enough.
If you want the story, you'll get in this thing with me.
If you want... you could tag along.
If you'll kindly take a look at my transcripts...
In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.
In fact, surprisingly rich
In the event they switch to a zone defense...
In the Guiness Book of World fucking Records, man...
Indeed, but believe it or not...
Intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds.
Into that weenie bikini...
Is a good way to remind him that you're still angry.
Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Is that all you think about?
Is that for me?
Is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Is there anything I can do for you today?
Is there anything you can tell me about yourself...
Isn't that wonderful?
It does not look good.
It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
It is at your doorstep.
It is the Naked Mile Run. Everybody else is in their birthday suit.
It is the White Barry.
It really is. But don't do it for me.
It seems Mr. Wilder didn't quite come out of his shell...
It should triple our income. I just hope it's enough.
It was a really immature stunt.
It was the best ten seconds ever.
It'll happen.
It's a good day to die, McDoogle.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bagg. I've heard a lot about you.
It's all about presentation, gentlemen.
It's cool, Colossus. We'll find somebody.
It's cool. Equipment manager owes me a favor. I introduced him to his wife.
It's getting to be that time of the hour.
It's go time.
It's gonna be a bachelor party.
It's kinda hard in 15 seconds.
It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation.
It's ludicrous! By God, it's impetuous!
It's not like he can see out of it anyway.
It's not like you're on a deadline for the Boston Globe.
It's not too late for you to enter the doubles breaststroke if you like.
It's ridiculous! It's preposterous!
It's the moment of truth, people.
It's the moment of truth, people.
It's the only time he had available. I'll call you as soon as I get back.
It's time to excise that cancerous lump.
It's time you should go.
It's very scary stuff.
Jesus! Criminy!
Jesus. This is some pad you got here.
Just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets...
Just say yes, because I've got even more amazing news.
Just so we're clear, I'm talking about intercourse.
Just take a look at this.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Lambdas are cool in their own right. People just needed to realize it.
Last night, I was so like Bonnie and you were so like Clyde. And now this.
Let me audit my last six classes, take the finals...
Let me get the other side.
Let the damn baby have his ball back.
Let the record show that...
Let the shards tear into your Achilles tendon...
Let us proceed.
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let's get it started then, shall we?
Let's get out of here, go grab a beer.
Let's see what the kid's made of.
Life is all about developing relationships, Gwen.
Like a heart transplant patient finding a donor with the same blood type...
Like their actions.
Like what?
Liked what I heard, stayed.
Lindsey and Rob make such a great couple, don't you think?
Listen to me, you little fuck stains!
Listen to me. Do you know why I chose you as my assistant?
Listen to yourself, meathead.
Lite Beer vs. Dark The Showdown by Darius Grayson.
Look at me.
Look who's checking out the Badalandabad. Her name's Naomi.
Look, come in here. I want you to meet your future alumni.
Look, I need you to help me release...
Look. I know we have a lot of surgery to perform on our relationship.
Lookin' good there, buddy.
Looks like we got one more.
Loser.
Lovely.
Lucky girl.
Lucky number seven, actually.
Mad props for this pimpin' good time...
Made to a wet behind the ears kid from India whose only dream...
Mail it in!
Mail it in! Mail it in.
Make me graduate.
Man, you ever heard of Tiger Woods, bitch?
Massage oil...
Maybe seven years of tuition...
Maybe we shouldn't do this for three to six weeks.
Maybe you could put me on some sort of extension...
Maybe you should start looking for that dare to be employed situation.
Me and Richard's unspoken bond blossomed the other night in one beautiful...
Medic.
Medulla oblongatas.
Meow!
Miss Haver?
More importantly...
Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred...
Mr. Van Wilder.
Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian.
My brothers play hockey...
My editor did say this would be a challenge.
My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year...
My God, what happened to you?
My mom did want me to invite you to her Tupperware party next week.
My name is Orissa Punjab Nizamabad.
My name is Van Wilder, and this is my home...
My name's not
My undeniable ability to throw one hell of a party.
Next time you'll know better.
No can do. We're at maximum capacity.
No harm, no foul.
No one even knows we're here.
No, she she hasn't yet called back.
No, thank you.
No, thanks. I forgot my suit.
Nope. That's all right.
Northwestern called this morning. They wanna interview me.
Northwestern. I am the shit.
Northwestern. I am the shit.
Not for the paper. For me.
Not one acceptable candidate.
Not really.
Nothin' but net, my man.
Now I don't even know where my bitch is.
Now remember, before any final, take a pregame dump.
Now, follow my foolproof plan...
Now!
Obviously.
Of Lambda Omega Omega.
Oh, God!
Oh, I kept the first for another day.
Oh, Mommy.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Feel it!
Oh, no.
Oh, please, you didn't think she'd be interested in a fuckup like you?
Oh, stop for a second. Stop.
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
Oh, they're so creamy.
Oh, they're still warm.
Oh, well, holy crap. I hope you're not on call tonight.
Oh, yeah, she came too.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Okay, I'll wait for you upstairs.
Okay, kids.
Okay, kids.
Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go.
Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go.
Okay, look, I read the damn article, but don't tell anyone...
Okay, look, that old bag is stronger than she looks.
Okay, you can do this.
Okay! All right!
Okay.
Okay. Mrs. Seay?
Okay. Thanks.
Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association.
On himself though.
On it.
One last night of debauchery with the fellas.
One last night of debauchery with the fellas...
One who this reporter knows firsthand to have a serious problem...
One, two
Order! Order! Settle down, everyone.
Out of my way!
Over and over.
Pack up your panties, son, because we are headin' home.
Panos reminded me that I had one...
Pass these out. Thank you.
Pearson, I got a hot news tip for you. It's Friday night. Get out of here.
Please get me the Wilder piece. He's throwing a big party tonight.
Please move banner a skosh higher, huh?
Plus there is no substitute for decades of experience.
Poor guy just needed a little TLC.
Possibly infected anal cavity.
Posterior gluteal line.
Pro.
Professor McDoogle?
Program?
Protein shake in the morning. Okay, very cute.
Recorded? What are you, bugged? Do I need to frisk you?
Reinstatement...
Relax, guys. They're just Doritos.
Remember my credo, Timmy.
Remember, today's assignment is about shadow.
Richard, I don't know what to say.
Richard, I want you to meet Dr. Stern.
Richard, is there something you want to say?
Richard, you rascal, you never told me that you were a DIK.
Richard! I was just talking about you.
Right. I'll be down in a minute, okay?
Rob's coming over. I'm closing in on that diamond, Gwen.
Scented candles, massage oils, Barry White.
Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon.
See you tonight. Gwen. The invite to the parents' house.
Sent me this.
Seriously, I swear to God, I'm really uncomfortable now.
Seriously, I'd really like to hold that date open.
Seriously. Van is a godsend.
Seven years, and no degree. You should have graduated twice by now.
Seven years! I've accomplished nothing!
Sex sells, Gwen. Sex sells.
Sharing a penalty box and a tri latte with Gwen Pearson...
She can skate.
She reads at a sophomore level.
She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time?
She was getting awfully chummy with the rectal itch.
She's at Richard's getting ready for the engagement dinner tonight. Message?
She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
She's not for you, dude. She's too high strung.
She's smart, she's beautiful...
Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault.
Shit!
Shot to hell.
Shut up, bitch, and give me some sugar.
Sick Boy. Can you believe she wrote that?
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from Van's vehicle.
So don't get too hung up on detail.
So he came back for the starting lineup.
So how long have you and premed Richard been together?
So the deal is, I score...
So what's your boyfriend's name? Does he go to school here?
So you could teach me how to muff dive?
Soliciting of alcohol to extreme minors...
Some pressure.
Somebody got awfully dressed up to quiz me on my anatomy midterm.
Sometimes in life you have to realize a poor investment...
Sometimes you've gotta heed this.
Son of a bitch. Disappear!
Sorry about that.
Sorry, Richard. Pleasure away.
Sounds serious. Threatened?
Sounds special. Is Wilder gonna be there?
Sounds to me like your rectal itch was getting a late night booty scratch.
Special delivery!
Stop packing! You can appeal the expulsion. It's in the school charter.
Such a buttload of your money for so long.
Such a good boy.
Super.
Sure, sure. You've made tons of friends...
Surely you have a career in mind.
Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy.
Swim team really does need your love, folks.
Symbiotic act.
Taj proved to be an excellent company accountant...
Taj, come on! That's what I'm here for, right?
Taj, I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair.
Tajy, I'm so hot.
Take me.
Tell him Van sent you, and remember Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool.
Tell me how you really feel. Seven years.
Thank you, Milty!
Thank you. And I'm sorry that I spent...
Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm really not interested.
Thanks for the good time, fellas.
Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot.
That feels so good.
That he's guilty of an infraction that deserves expulsion?
That I haven't already found out from your public records?
That I realized what I was doing
That is none of your business. And you know what?
That looks amazing.
That my editor has asked me to do an exposé on him...
That ought to be enough to get you started.
That's How did you From the paper?
That's a first.
That's great. I'm so happy for you, Richard.
That's great. It really is.
That's I moan backwards.
That's my girlfriend, gluteous erecti.
That's no bong! It's for my schlong!
That's right, folks. Save the swim team.
That's right. Drink up.
That's simply what he does
That's the end of the first half...
That's the shit.
That's why I came to help make you your shake.
That's why you and I had friction?
The bus doesn't leave for a few hours. Is there anything I can do before I go?
The first day of spring semester.
The first ever!
The floor is yours.
The guy's a joke. He tries to turn every interview into a date.
The last, well, seven years have gone by way too fast.
The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets...
The party liaison.
The rigorous day has been a success for Van the man.

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