Legally Blonde (2001) Edit

A butthead? Why would you call me that?

A fashion major?

A lap dance after the final.

A law student.

A legal education...

A Miss Delta Nu.

A PhD in biochemistry, and...

A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us.

Aaron Mitchell. I graduated first in my class from Princeton.

About the relationship between Brooke and Heyworth?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. It's a little thing I like to call "strategy. "

Absolutely. It's one of a kind.

Actually, I wasn't aware that we had an assignment.

After getting a perm at the risk of deactivating

After getting off to a quite interesting start here at Harvard,

All masturbatory emissions where his sperm was clearly not seeking an egg,

All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs.

All those opposed to chafing, say "aye. "

All to get my boyfriend Warner back,

Almost.

And are now well versed in subject matterjurisdiction.

And are you, or are you not, having an affair with Brooke Windham?

And aren't we always looking for diversity?

And at least a 175 on your LSATs.

And Callahan's internship next year.

And channel it towards the greater good.

And discussing very important issues.

And everyone says a little bit about themselves.

And his fiancÈe, Layne Walker Vanderbilt,

And I can't break the bonds of sisterhood.

And I fully support that, Warner. You know that, right?

And I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater.

And I was a Zeta Lambda Nu Sweetheart,

And I'm a law student who just realized her professor is a pathetic asshole.

And I'm here to discuss the legal situation at hand.

And I'm never gonna lose you again.

And if you put me on the stand, I'll lie.

And if you weren't washing your hair, as I suspect you weren't,

And if, in fact, you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Windham

And last year I was Homecoming Queen.

And now he's engaged to this awful girl, Vivian.

And now she's totally adrift.

And she got a 179 on her LSATs.

And she seems to me like she's hiding something.

And that... I was wrong.

And the ex wife in an hour.

And the purpose of diminished capacity is?

And then Enrique and Chutney ran inside.

And those of you in the front row...

And to return only when she is prepared?

And to sharply question what you know.

And what kind of evidentiary support does this case require?

And what was the defendant doing?

And will be enforcing said ownership...

And wouldn't somebody who's had, say 30 perms before in their life

And you were right.

And you, button, are none of those things.

And, as Viv said, we're full.

And, in our case, the defendant was an habitual sperm donor,

And... for Levinthal, make sure you read the footnotes,

And... the bible.

And... when you came downstairs, what happened?

And... you are the girl for me.

Are you crazy? Just tell him the alibi.

Are you done with that deposition yet?

Are you excited?

Are you free? It's an emergency.

Are you ready?

Are you sure this Warner guy is, like, the one?

Aristotle.

As "equitable division of the assets. "

As president of my sorority,

As the winter "ovester. "

Ask Elle. She looked pretty cozy with him last night.

Aww.

Aye.

Bad salad.

Bailiff, take the witness into custody,

Balancing human intelligence with animal diligence.

Be well aware of this rule?

Because I have a metrabolism. I have a really high metrabolism.

Because I promised her I'd keep it a secret.

Because I'm getting married! I'm getting...

Because isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance

Because then the client would've committed a regulatory infraction,

Because you're not gonna remember anything after tonight.

Because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot?

Believe me, the DA will come up with plenty of reasons.

Bend... and snap.

Bend... and snap.

Bend... and snap.

Bend... and snap.

Bend... and snap.

Both?

Bridal. But not like I expect anything.

Brooke would never tell a woman that she was too fat.

Brooke...

Bruiser, what's this?

But a jury is gonna want an alibi.

But do they put you on the spot like that, like, all the time?

But he didn't tell me you'd be here.

But I think it's the right thing.

But I used to take her class at the Los Angeles Sports Club.

But I was just kidding myself.

But I'm not positive it's gonna happen tonight.

But if I'm gonna be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30,

But isn't it hard to get into law school?

But it's a costume party. You probably wouldn't wanna come.

But it's a costume party. You probably wouldn't wanna come.

But it's not like normal women can have this ass!

But maybe he needs a donut.

But meet me after, on the benches, OK? Bye!

But my daughter tells me she can be quite the little bitch.

But my girlfriend, Serena, once barfed on a guy

But she'll kick you right in the ball...

But Swinney was a one time sperm donor.

But thankfully, that same day,

But the thing is, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm 30,

But there's a complete lack of mens rea,

But, yeah, she's tough. Really tough.

By who?

Bye.

Callahan did what?

Callahan never saw me as a lawyer, he just saw me as a piece of ass.

Callahan's firm is defending a murder trial.

Callahan's firm is defending a murder trial.

Can you sign?

Check it out. Look at the way she walks.

Chuck, wait!

Chutney has a trust fund.

Chutney, why were Tracy Marcinko's curls ruined when she got hosed down?

Clambakes, trips to the Cape.

Class schedule, map, book list.

Come again?

Come here.

Come in.

Come on in.

Come on, guys. We can make room for one more.

Come on, let me take you home.

Come on, Paulette.

Come on, you're never gonna get the grades

Come on.

Come on. You try.

Congratulations, class of 2004.

Cool.

Coroner said he'd been dead 30 minutes when the cops arrived,

Corrupt cops...

Could be termed reckless abandonment.

Could I have been any more goddamn spastic?

Counselors, now! All of you.

Court will come to order.

Dare to dream, Ms. Woods.

Definitely. I love him.

Dewey kept the trailer and my precious baby, Rufus.

Did diversity jurisdiction exist in this case?

Did you ever notice how Callahan never asks Warner to bring him his coffee?

Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date?

Did you get the rock yet?

Did you go in there knowing how

Did you know, when he first applied...

Did you see this one? We just got it in yesterday.

Do you have any reason to believe that it did?

Do you really think?

Do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours

Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Do you think it's acceptable that Ms. Woods is not prepared?

Do you think she woke up one morning and said,

Do you understand what subject matterjurisdiction is?

Does anyone know who spoke those immortal words?

Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.

Don't worry, though. It gets better. Who else do you have?

Due to the fact that you've retained... this residence...

During The Blair Witch Project, and they ended up dating for three months.

Elle Woods, Your Honor.

Elle Woods?

Elle Woods.

Elle, believe me, I never expected to do this.

Elle, I can't.

Elle, I... I do love you. I...

Elle, it's Amy. I'm having trouble with this whole lip liner thing.

Elle! If I'm gonna be a senator,

Elle! It's here.

Elle?

Elle?

Emphasis in the history of combat.

Enjoy prison.

Except for this horrible preppy girl

Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch,

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Are you OK?

Excuse me. Hey, Warner.

Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.

Fine, but is he an ass that's gonna win my case?

First of all, I would like to point out that,

First year, Yale Law. "

For the next nine months of your life!

For the top grade in this class,

Four hours?

Future lawyer, for the class of 2004.

Get up.

Girls like me don't go out with losers like you.

Girls, this is it.

Giving Brooke plenty of time to stash it.

Go ahead.

Go, girl.

Go. You can do this.

God, you're so wonderful. Elle, thank you.

Going to Harvard is the only way I'm gonna get the love of my life back.

Good job, everybody.

Good job! A little attitude, please.

Good snap! Come on.

Good.

Good. However, in the case of...

Good. It was good.

Got a PhD from Berkeley in women's studies,

Great.

Guess what I'm doing right this second?

Guys, this way.

Guys...

Happy people just don't shoot their husbands.

Harvard won't be impressed that you aced History of Polka Dots.

Have you and Mrs. Windham had sexual relations?

Have you thought about where you might be a summer associate?

Have... Have you met Viv... ian?

Haven't you seen the cabana boy?

He did leave a Cher tape in the pool house one time.

He has no parental claim over this child, whatsoever.

He really likes people that are opinionated.

He tends to spit when he talks about products liability.

He was 34 years older than you.

He was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation.

He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures,

He's gay. Enrique is gay.

He's proposing. I can't look like I would on any other date.

Hello, ladies. How ya doin'?

Hello! He just had lunch with his grandmother.

Hello.

Her list of extracurricular activities is impressive.

Here's the Windham file.

Hey, Brad, check out Malibu Barbie.

Hey, maybe there's, like, a sorority you could, like, join instead, like...

Hey, watch out!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey. Mm mm.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Woods comma Elle.

Highly coveted four internship spots next year,

Hike!

His 26 year old daughter and the pool boy.

His case load is so big, he's taking on first year interns.

His father had to make a call.

His name is Bruiser. Do you wanna hold him?

Hmm... I'm not sure you could handle it.

Honey, you have to leave this room.

Honey, you were first runner up

How can it be the right thing when we're not together?

How did I miss that?

How far will Elle go?

How long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham?

How would you feel if your father married someone your age?

How you doin'?

How?

I almost forgot to tell you.

I am aware of the meaning of mens rea.

I am fully amenable to that discussion.

I am personally very honored

I am sure we are going to see great things from her.

I believe the witness has made it clear that she was "in the shower. "

I believe you've just won your case.

I bent down to check his heart, screamed my head off,

I blew off Greek Week to study for the LSATs.

I brought you some necessities. Some Calvin Klein 720 count sheets,

I can't believe you just called me a butthead.

I can't believe you'd even ask.

I can't give it to you. But I can tell you she is innocent.

I changed my mind. I'd pick the dangerous one,

I could go if you want me to.

I didn't earn anything, Emmett.

I didn't even get to throw him a birthday party.

I don't even think my own parents take me seriously.

I don't know. What?

I don't need backups. I'm going to Harvard.

I don't understand why you're completely disregarding your signature color?

I don't use that word.

I don't.

I even hired a Coppola to direct my admissions video.

I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.

I feel terrible. I made a huge mistake.

I got a big one for you.

I got it.

I got up, got a latte,

I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling.

I guess it wasn't enough, though, for Brooke.

I guess.

I guess.

I have a bachelor's degree in fashion merchandising from CULA.

I have a Master's in Russian literature,

I have a Master's in Russian literature,

I have a murder trial to attend to.

I have Callahan, Royalton and Levinthal.

I have come to find that passion is a key ingredient

I have new representation.

I have the highest GPA in Delta Nu.

I have to tell you the real reason I came here.

I have to think of my future and what my family expects of me.

I have to wonder if the defendant kept a thorough record

I just don't think Brooke could have done this.

I just liked watching him clean the filter.

I just thought that...

I just wanted to say that you were...

I know you mean. I can't imagine doing all this

I know you're upset about all this, but can't you just take a Percocet?

I know. And I thought that was very...

I know. But come on, Elle, be serious.

I know. I'm so busy with these case studies and hypos.

I know. Warner doesn't do his own laundry.

I love costume parties.

I love that sweater. It's Chanel.

I loved him.

I mean, he's asked me at least ten times.

I mean, I'm with my guy eight years, and then one day it's,

I mean, my family expects a lot from me.

I mean, the hell with Callahan.

I mean, what's a girl to do?

I miss you guys too. The people here are so vile.

I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.

I need to stop dicking around.

I object!

I once had to judge a tighty whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi.

I plan on running for office some day.

I saw Brooke standing over his body...

I saw it in Teen Vogue a year ago.

I should warn you, that in addition to competing against each other

I still can't believe you didn't tell Callahan the alibi.

I think I dropped something that I need to pick up.

I think it gives it a little something extra, don't you think?

I think it's time to discuss your career path.

I think most people would agree that's a lot better

I think so.

I think you should go with the red. It's the color of confidence.

I thought it was you walking through the door!

I thought you said "friend. " Chuck is just a friend.

I told you, I need someone serious.

I totally look the part.

I try not to look so constipated.

I wanna look special.

I want the alibi.

I was confused.

I was getting...

I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime.

I went straight upstairs to take a shower.

I went to get her alibi.

I will remember, no matter what.

I won't be having salad.

I worked so hard to get into law school.

I would have at least been nice to you.

I would rather have a client who's innocent.

I...

I'd rather go to jail than lose my reputation.

I'll be there when court is out. We have to cross examine Enrique.

I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be.

I'll supervise, Your Honor.

I'm a Delta Nu. And I'm a huge fan of yours.

I'm able to recall hundreds of important details at the drop of a hat.

I'm Elle Woods, Ms. Bonifante's attorney.

I'm gonna show a little maneuver that my mother taught me in junior high.

I'm his fiancÈe.

I'm impressed that you took the initiative to go there and get it.

I'm in... law school.

I'm just glad that it's you and not Callahan.

I'm never gonna be good enough for you, am I?

I'm picking out my wedding dress!

I'm planning this great mixer. You totally have to help me.

I'm skilled at commanding the attention of a room,

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry. Are you here to see me?

I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.

I'm sorry. Maybe you didn't hear me. You're fired.

I'm takin' the dog... dumbass!

I'm the only one that believes her. Callahan totally thinks she's guilty.

I've already lost my husband.

I've been thinking about it, and I think it's the right thing to do.

I've come to join your study group. And look, I brought sustenance.

I've made my fortune on the ability to perfect women's bodies

If a girl like you can't hold on to her man,

If he doesn't trust me, why should I trust him?

If my fans knew that I bought it, I would lose everything.

If you tell him, he'll probably hire you as a summer associate.

If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life...

In a few hours, I'll be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.

In my experience, it has a 98 percent success rate

In the article, you talk about all sorts of things:

In the hot tub after Winter Formal?

In the matter of The State v. Brooke Windham,

In your office, when we were discussing my career?

Insurance? A love affair? Pure unadulterated hatred?

Interesting. Why do you ask?

Is everything all right?

Is he always such an ass?

Is she as pretty as you?

Is switching our toilet paper from Charmin to generic.

Is this the only interaction you two have ever had?

It has an 83 percent rate of return on a dinner invitation.

It has been said...

It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self

It just felt like, for the first time, that someone expected me to...

It must be strange having such perfect eyes.

It smells good.

It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in.

It'll be a really nice party.

It's a completely brilliant plan.

It's a perfectly respectable place, Daddy.

It's about ferocity. Carnage.

It's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time...

It's been, like, a week.

It's called the "bend and snap. " Watch this.

It's gonna be so exciting. Don't be scared, everyone will love you.

It's impossible to use a half loop top stitching on low viscosity rayon.

It's metabol...

It's not like I have a choice here, sweetheart.

It's not my alibi to tell.

It's OK.

It's so shameful.

Just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash?

Just like everybody else.

Knowing exactly what you want...

Ladies and gentlemen, court will reconvene tomorrow morning at 9am.

Ladies and gentlemen, Elle Woods.

Law school is a completely different world, and I need to be serious.

Law school?

Law school's for people who are boring and ugly and serious.

Let the bloodbath begin.

Let's call on someone from the hot zone.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go.

Let's start with you.

Liar!

Like this?

Look, I'm not gonna go out with you.

Maiden name, Taylor. You know her?

Malum prohibitum.

Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Ruling 3.03.

May appear on behalf of a defendant in criminal proceedings

Maybe not to your face.

Maybe she's going for the grunge look.

Maybe you should check with the cruise director on the lido deck.

Maybe you should sleep with the jury too.

Me!

Mmm!

Mmm...

Morning, Amy.

Move to strike that from the record, Your Honor.

Mr. Callahan, Mrs. Windham Vandermark is on line two for you.

Mr. Salvatore, can you tell us what this is?

Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof

Mrs. Windham Vandermark?

Mrs. Windham, you are free to go.

Mrs. Windham, you do realize what you're doing?

Ms. Kensington, which would you prefer?

Ms. Windham, did you hear a shot fired?

Ms. Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?

Ms. Windham, what had you done earlier that day?

Ms. Woods, you may begin your questioning.

Ms. Woods.

My brother's in the top three at Yale Law,

My cousin had that. You get a really bad rash on your...

My family has five generations of senators.

My money is on the angry daughter or the ex wife.

My name is David Kidney.

My name is Elle Woods, and for my admissions essay,

My snap was all over the place.

Neither type of opera or neither type of rap is on sale.

Neither type ofjazz and neither type of opera is on sale.

No more trying to be something that I'm just...

No one's ever gonna take me seriously.

No way!

No way! Is somebody at this school actually... having a party?

No way! Is somebody at this school actually... having a party?

No, silly. I go here.

No, that's just it. It would ruin me.

No, you're not a joke.

No!

No!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. But she did make me cry once.

No. I was in the shower.

No. I'm going to Harvard Law School.

No. That's not entirely true.

No. You don't even know what the hell you're talking about.

No. You're a dork.

Not in class, I waited till I got back to my room.

Not only is there no proof in this case,

Not that I saw. But like I said,

Now put your head into it.

Now you're thinking like a lawyer.

Now, did your daughter ever mention anything to you

Now, I assume all of you have read pages one through 48,

Now, let us look at malum prohibitum a little more closely.

Now, let's commence with our usual torture.

Now, Ms. Kensington...

Objection! Why is this relevant?

Of course he's an ass.

Of course.

Of every sperm emission made throughout his life.

Of getting a man's attention and, when used appropriately,

Of Harvard Law School. Class of 2004.

Of this school's discriminatory preference of semen to ovaries.

Oh, and don't forget to bring your own merlot.

Oh, are you thirsty?

Oh, Bruiser, it's so exciting. Look! Harvard.

Oh, Elle. Callahan asked to see you before you leave.

Oh, Elle...

Oh, God!

Oh, gosh, I have to go shopping. OK. I'll see you tonight.

Oh, he's giving me kisses.

Oh, hi.

Oh, hi. Vivian Kensington.

Oh, is that before you voted against me,

Oh, look what I did.

Oh, look, how cute! There's, like, a judge and everything. And jury people.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Scumbag.

Oh, my God. What are you doing?

Oh, my gosh, did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.

Oh, my gosh. It's gonna be so great.

Oh, my gosh. You guys are so sweet.

Oh, my gosh. You guys have to help me pick out the perfect outfit.

Oh, no. That's awful.

Oh, time to go. I have to go to class,

Oh, Warner.

Oh, Warner.

Oh, Warner... I completely agree.

Oh, well. Here. You're gonna need this.

Oh, yeah. Here, take it. I've read it, like, 20 times.

Oh, you're wrong.

Oh!

Oh! Is this low viscosity rayon?

Oh! Two weeks ago I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal,

Oh.

Oh. At 45 Dunstan Street. OK.

Oh. Well, then, I guess we'll see you there.

Oh. Well, then, I guess we'll see you there.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... not really. I know it's very competitive.

OK, let's get you some water.

OK, so just listen to me. Keep June 1st open.

OK, you get the car. I'll get the check.

OK, your stepdaughter and the pool boy came in,

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK. Bye.

OK. Bye.

OK. Has Warner Huntington III checked in yet?

OK. Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods.

OK. I'll just leave, then.

OK. Once Warner sees me as a serious law student, he'll totally want me back.

OK. Welcome to law school.

OK. Well, see you next class.

OK...

On our very first day at Harvard, a very wise professor quoted Aristotle.

On the day of Heyworth's murder...

On top of that, you gained the client's trust and kept it.

Once again, we joined Hope in the search for her identity.

One of Boston's most prestigious law firms.

One of the reasons I wanted to come here tonight was to discuss our future.

Or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known

Or malum prohibitum?

Or wherever, you know.

Order! Order! Order.

Our client apparently had a visit from her sister.

Ow.

Paulette Bonifante.

Paulette, how many times you gonna come here beggin' me to take you back?

People at law school don't. And Warner doesn't.

Pooh Bear, I didn't know she would be here.

Pooh Bear, just get in the car.

Pooh Bear...

President of my sorority, Delta Nu,

Professor Callahan says we really, really need your alibi.

Pump! Pump, pump!

Reading about the LSATs.

Really?

Remembering that first impressions are not always correct.

Road trip!

Rule 3.03 of Supreme Judicial Court states that a law student

Screw sisterhood!

See?

She also designed a line of...

She can make you lose three pounds in one class.

She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but...

She didn't have your bone structure.

She didn't need the insurance payoff or the inheritance.

She does have a 4.0 from CULA,

She entered the Beta Delta Pi wet T shirt contest,

She graduated four years before me.

She graduates today with an invitation to join

She had eight grilled cheese sandwiches.

She hasn't conditioned her hair in a week.

She just stuffed 'em in her mouth, all at once. It was so sad.

She was my girlfriend in prep school.

She was seen standing over her husband's body.

She's a Delta Nu. She wasn't in my pledge class.

She's a friend to the animals, as well as a philanthropist.

She's been brainwashed by the evil Stefano.

She's from Connecticut. She belongs to his stupid country club.

She's got the six carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger.

She's horrible.

She's my age, did she tell you that?

Sign here.

Silence in my court. Sit down, Mr. Salvatore.

Silence in my courtroom!

Silence in my courtroom.

Silence! Silence!

Since the stiff was 60, but she was rich on her own.

Smarter than most of the guys on my payroll.

Smell this.

So don't forget. Eight o'clock at 45 Dunstan Street.

So don't forget. Eight o'clock at 45 Dunstan Street.

So how are you? Are you all right?

So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price,

So it was all for nothing, and I... I just wish...

So this is what a spa looks like. Wow. How do we find her?

So trailer park.

So when you said you would always love me, you were just dicking around?

So you're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?

So you're breaking up with me because you're afraid your family won't like me?

So, I hear that that little tart from California shot poor Heyworth.

So, if we're sticking to past precedent, I mean, Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking.

So, if you don't know the answer, they're just gonna kick you out?

So, what about the murder weapon?

So, you found me.

So, you've filed a claim.

So? Now you discriminate against brunettes?

So...

So... sometime in the 20 minutes

Social events. You know, mixers, formals,

Some aromatherapy candles, a loofah...

Some kind of fitness empire.

Someone reason with her while I take this.

Sometimes I say, "OK," instead of "fine. "

Sorry for what? For breaking my heart?

Spill.

Standing over my father's dead body.

Stay.

Steal the bastard back.

Superior Court of Suffolk County is now in session.

Sweetheart, you don't need law school.

Sweetheart, you just look parched.

Sweetie, didn't you hear?

Sweetie... Pooh Bear?

Swinney, who was also a private sperm donor,

Take it easy.

Take the word, "semester," OK? This is a perfect example

Than just become a Victoria's Secret model.

Than some stinky old Vanderbilt.

Thank God!

Thank you, boys.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party is super fun.

Thanks for the introduction.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That doesn't look so good to a jury.

That might clear a few things up.

That Mrs. Windham asked you to wear while cleaning her pool?

That only leaves one for...

That we take our next steps into the world,

That you were in the shower...

That you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours

That your claim should have, like, evidentiary support?

That's 'cause men are big fat retards who don't...

That's great, Paulette.

That's not why I came by.

That's so cute.

That's what makes a good lawyer.

That's what makes a great lawyer.

That's why I'm petitioning to have next term be referred to

The answer is no.

The entire Clinique skincare line,

The ex wife seems to be unconcerned

The gun is missing.

The hell with law school. I just wanted to say goodbye.

The Honorable Judge Marina R. Bickford presiding.

The law leaves much room for interpretation...

The LSATs are an exam. Girls, I'm going to Harvard.

The professors? Yeah, they tend to do that. Socratic method.

The rules of hair care are simple and finite.

The seat you have picked will be yours

Then called me a dyke behind my back?

Then show them a picture of his dick.

Then there sure as hell isn't any hope for the rest of us.

Then we can win the case.

Then we're not very good lawyers.

Then what? My boobs are too big?

There you go. Good boy.

There's nothing I love more than a dumb blonde with Daddy's plastic.

They just don't.

This is a murder trial, not some scandal at the sorority house.

This is a person who's made her living by telling women they're too fat.

This is gonna be just like senior year, except for funner.

This is my first class as a serious law student.

This is our new house for the next three years.

This is so much better than that!

This is the part where we go around in a circle

This is the type of girl Warner wants to marry.

This is what I need to become to be serious.

This whole internship was a mistake!

Three tits?

To contact every single one night stand

To determine if a child resulted in those unions,

To introduce this year's class elected speaker.

To the study and practice of law... and of life.

Too bad. I thought you were a law student who wanted to be a lawyer.

Top three in his class and former editor of Harvard Law Review.

Totally.

Trust me. I can handle anything.

Turns out I am a joke.

Uh huh.

Vivian Kensington.

Vivian, get me some plum sauce.

Wait a second. My social events calendar is missing.

Wait, are you talking about Brooke Taylor?

Wait. Am I on glue, or did we not get into the same law school, Warner?

Warner told me all about you.

Warner! The English language is all about subliminal domination.

Warner? I totally forgot you go here.

Warner's gonna be so excited to see you.

Was allowed visitation rights as long as he came to terms