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Todd Anderson Dear Neil, I’m home now. The house is empty. Everything is empty, and I keep thinking it should be full of you.
Created by Maddison 4967

Todd Anderson

Dear Neil,

I’m home now. The house is empty. Everything is empty, and I keep thinking it should be full of you. I keep expecting to see you walk through the door, cracking a stupid joke, smiling that way that made the whole room feel alive. But you’re not. You’re never coming back.

I can’t stop seeing you lying there. I keep hearing your voice, and then I remember it’s gone. And my chest… it hurts so much, I can’t even… breathe sometimes. I wanted to tell you—so many things—but now I can’t. You’re not here. I can’t tell you how scared I am that I’ll forget the sound of your laugh, the way your eyes lit up when you were dreaming about… everything.

I keep thinking maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I should have spoken louder, should have done more, should have… I don’t even know. You were brilliant. You were brave. And I… I just watched. I watched while you carried everything alone. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to save you. But I couldn’t.

I don’t know how to live in a world without you. I don’t want to. Every time I sit down, every time I pick up a pen, every time I open a book… I see you. I feel you. And then I feel nothing.

I wish I could’ve held you. I wish I could’ve told you you were enough. That you were loved. That you were… you. And now I can’t. Now I just have these words that will never reach you.

I miss you, Neil. I miss you so much it hurts. I don’t think this… this emptiness will ever leave me. And I don’t know how to make it stop.

Your friend…
Todd
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