Crazyhead - Season 1 Edit

A bald cat? Yeah, that could work.

A belt? With my pyjamas?

A big, nasty ass train full of demons!

A bridge...? A gateway.

A bungee jump doesn't give you herpes.

A bungee jump.

A canoe?

A facie Dei...

A farmer's wife?

A gateway will open between this world and the underworld.

A lever might be a better analogy.

A little something to whet your appetite, get your juices flowing.

A lot of people thought I was on my way

A near fatal dose of meow meow.

A necessary step in your little journey.

A new dawn.

A pole up the arse, can of lighter fluid. Bshh!

A pulse? Yeah.

A real bellend, apparently.

A ridiculously sexy, blood sucking monster.

A small pony if you wanted to.

A small pony if you wanted to.

Aargh!

Aargh!

About as bad as it can get.

About the size of your dick?

About, "big nasty arse train full of demons."

Actual shit.

After my dad died, he jumped bodies and came back.

Against me tent.

Agh!

Ah, ah!

Ah, are we here?

Ah, it won't take long, Raquel. Come on.

Ah, OK.

Ah! Arrrgh!

Ah. My tortillas.

Ah...

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

All gentle and tender and then...

All glossy, and happy, and smelling really good...

All hell is going to break loose, literally.

All I ever wanted was for you to know I love you.

All I ever wanted was for you to know I love you.

All right, I'm coming!

All right, love, bye bye.

All right. I'll go check the fuses

All that Latin stuff maybe you weren't saying it right.

All the ladies. Throw your hands up!

All the players.

All the time I was growing up, I felt like a freak.

All the time I was growing up, I felt like a freak.

All the way out here.

All this...

Always an option. Just putting that out there.

Always running towards the flames.

Always running towards the flames.

Always told me that he loved me, could never accept it accept him.

Amen.

Amen.

Amy likes the smell of trees.

Amy likes the smell of trees.

Amy likes the smell of trees.

Amy likes the smell of trees.

Amy likes to fish in the river.

Amy, please, there's nothing inside me.

Amy, please...

Amy, this is my brother, Tyler.

Amy, you OK?

Amy!

Amy!

Amy! Amy!

Amy! C'mon!

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy?

Amy.

Amy.

Amy.

Amy.

An apple or a pear is fine.

An informed choice?

Anatomical?

And all he's thinking about is himself.

And an inflatable zombie.

And by "magic", I mean sleeping

And discover themselves.

And drink from it on special occasions.

And feed them to the badgers.

And Fiver goes looking for him but it's too late.

And hang out together,

And he shat himself. Literally.

And he's your dad, then you're...

And here we are.

And how am I supposed to do that?

And I always wanted to share a bed with a potty mouthed half demon.

And I can only do that if you tell me what happened.

And I guarantee, it would hurt.

And I will try and get our incredibly complicated plan

And I'm hitting the beach.

And I'm sorry I thought you were a crazy, weird freak.

And if they do, squish them with a big book.

And if we don't stop it, they'll all be possessed.

And it makes it harder for you to orgasm.

And it's not true. Gok Wan.

And just exactly how are you planning on stopping me, Goldilocks?

And just forgetting this entire thing!

And leave me for another lady

And listen, if girls stopped liking having their nipples pinched,

And Matt Lee pulled my knickers down when we were changing for PE?

And no matter how many times I rejected him, how much I hurt him...

And no matter how many times I rejected him, how much I hurt him...

And other labour intensive comfort foods.

And other metaphors. You're part of this thing now.

And potential sexual partner, of mine.

And potential sexual partner, of mine.

And prison...pussy for the rest of our lives.

And prison...pussy for the rest of our lives.

And pussy.

And Raquel, it would be really great if you could figure out

And she didn't grow a really long neck.

And shit it out!

And so you saw people eating cheese and jogging.

And that's when the fun really starts.

And the legions of hell will come pouring through it.

And the oh, oh, oh's they haunt me

And the only way she can do that is by feeding on blood.

And we all know what happened to the dodos.

And we can try and figure this out together.

And we'd all have shiny hair, and amazing skin,

And what do they look like? Horrible.

And when the time's right...

And whose fault is that?

And you don't want that.

And you kissed me

And you told me you loved me...

And you, my friend...

And you, my friend...

And you... and you.

And you're telling me that you've lost her.

And you've been doing fine.

And you've never let anyone hurt me.

And your mum. Oh, yeah? And what's that?

And, how did it go?

Any time.

Any time. We'll facetime.

Anything with scales, gills...

Anyway, I'm glad I ran into you.

Anyway, this is me, so...

Anyway. I'll shut up and let you get on.

Are demons into figure skating or something?

Are my muffins burned?

Are those your pyjamas?

Are we ready to do this?

Are you getting in, or are you just going to stand there

Are you getting in, or are you just going to stand there

Are you going out?

Are you going to a party?

Are you going to a party?

Are you hearing me? I said I'll do it. I'm coming!

Are you high? You crazy bastard.

Are you naked? Is she naked?

Are you OK? I was so worried about you.

Are you OK? Maybe we should have gone to the hospital.

Are you OK? Um...

Are you ready?

Are you saying that this isn't a booty call?

Are you shitting me?

Are you sure you're OK to drive?

Are you telling me the future of our kind hangs on whether your

Are you thinking about Harry?

Are you turning round, or do I just talk to your reflection?

Are you wearing a different perfume?

Are you... Are you gay?

Argh call me!

Argh call me!

Argh! Jeez...!

Arsehole won't be doing that again.

Arsehole!

Arsehole.

As a friend. You can love your friends.

As long as they've been around, people like us have been

As much as I'd like to hang around exchanging pithy insults,

As usual.

As usual.

Ask her. Would you like to see my bedroom, Amy?

At the stroke of midnight,

Aw, no, no. No one's pelvic floor is what it used to be.

Baby sitter fancies some overtime?

Back on track, huh?

Badly.

Badminton?!

Balls out and the wind in our hair.

Balls out!

Balls out.

Balls out.

Balls.

Balls.

Bam! I just knew you'd come back.

Be outside, where you normally pick me up. Yeah, I'll be about...

Because of who you are.

Because of who you are.

Because shit is about to get nasty.

Because that is step one right there. You piss on her!

Because that's 800 count Egyptian cotton.

Because they're going to pierce his heart with a shard of ice.

Because you're mine

Bed? Excellent choice.

Bedtime! Yes.

Before her big moment.

Before I clued you up,

Before I shove something in you.

Before you chow down, there's something I need you to do for me.

Being in the flat without Suzanne...

Besides, Amy doesn't need to know.

Bet you can practically taste it.

Better for who, eh? Cos I'm not loving it.

Between me and her dickhead brother.

Between this world and the underworld.

Big gloves pushing your face down.

Big gloves pushing your face down.

Big pole! Right up their arse.

Big time.

Bitch.

Bitch.

Boom!

Born... to do this.

Brilliant, nicely done.

Bring it in, let's hug it out. I'm fine, really.

Burger King.

Busted!

But before you do that, just give me a chance to set out my stall,

But I can find out.

But I have to get home for my baby sitter.

But I really wanted her to see this.

But I will say this.

But I'm going to kill you anyway.

But if you want to do down it and go, that's fine.

But it looks like he's on acid.

But it's me you call when the shit's about to start flying.

But it's not OK to see me pissing in a bucket?

But now you're freaking out, you suddenly need my help.

But then I met you.

But there is one way your little boy gets to keep his mum.

But there is one way your little boy gets to keep his mum.

But they know how to throw a party.

But they revived him.

But what it is ain't exactly clear

But you have to listen to me.

But you're not going to go all psycho on me, are you?

But you're unique, one of a kind.

By a gang of butch ice hockey players.

By a gang of butch ice hockey players.

By fun, I mean apocalyptic slaughter.

Bye, Amy!

Bye, Amy. Bye.

Bye, bye bye bye.

Bye.

Bye.

C'mon now.

Call me, any time, day or night.

Call me.

Call out if you need anything.

Can everyone stop staring at me?

Can I sleep in with you?

Can we dance upon...

Can you believe this shit?

Can you drink tea? Tea's good.

Can you see anything with an address on it?

Can you tell me what's up? What's going on?

Can you two stop undressing each other with your eyes?

Cat murdering bitch. It was a girlfriend.

Check down there.

Chill out?!

Class act!

Cock mouthed, but my heart is pure.

Cod.

Cold on your cheek.

Cold on your cheek.

Cold on your cheek.

Come get it.

Come get it. Come get it. Come get it. Come get it.

Come get some Raquel love.

Come on in.

Come on, Amy. Just tell us.

Come on, you beautiful, sexy bitch

Come on. Come get it.

Come over first thing in the morning.

Cos I'm not exactly comfortable with that.

Cos the sneak out, it's not cool.

Cos you were all flirting with her?

Could be.

Could you stay on for an extra couple of hours?

Could you stay on for an extra couple of hours?

Could've been a lot worse.

Cracking is your pointy little rat face.

Cross my heart.

Dad...

Dancing to my rhythm

De Nile isn't just a river in Egypt.

Deal's a deal, right?

Deficit fumus deficiant et jus...

Define, "interested."

Definitely.

Delivered the ice sculpture?

Delusional, shitty little princess with a big spoon face?

Demon prick. Where?

Demons have walked among us.

Demons usually make you infertile, turn you into a big Jaffa.

Demons usually make you infertile, turn you into a big Jaffa.

Denial, as in a state of denial.

Depends what you mean by destiny.

Destiny...

Dickhead.

Did I not tell you that?

Did it involve shitting in a sleeping bag? No.

Did they have sex with your mum?

Did you check for a pulse?

Did you find anything?

Did you know they don't have an Accessorize out here?

Did you participate in a campfire circle jerk?

Did you really just ask me that?

Did you really just ask me that?

Did you think we would just frighten one of them?

Didn't even put any shoes on. Well...

Didn't I?

Didn't think you'd come into work today.

Dirty bastard

Disgusting.

Do I have to tell you that I love you?

Do I look like a mechanic to you? Uhh uh.

Do it!

Do it.

Do not go out there.

Do we need to?

Do you believe in destiny, Raquel?

Do you er, would you ever think about selling?

Do you have any friends?

Do you have any friends?

Do you have any preferences where we bury her?

Do you know how sick I am of hiding in here,

Do you know where she might have gone? A friend's house, or...

Do you need a belt with those?

Do you reckon they keep those gloves on when they're doing it?

Do you remember when we were eight,

Do you see me losing my shit and showing myself?

Do you see me?

Do you sell spades?

Do you sell spades?

Do you sell spades?

Do you think I did the wrong thing by letting him wait? No

Do you think one of you could take his muffins out the oven?

Do you want a beer?

Do you want a Starburst?

Do you want me to beg?

Do you want me to come over?

Do you want to come and sit outside?

Do you want to come inside?

Do you want to feel like you're being nailed by a very trippy horse?

Do you want to get a coffee?

Do you want to say anything?

Do you want to stop being a total dick and pour me a glass of wine?

Do you want to tell me what happened?

Do you, er, do you think you can take care of her?

Do you? Yes. I have a shift tomorrow, at one.

Does it have to be so...

Doesn't find it easy connecting with people.

Doesn't seem like her. Her?

Don't do it.

Don't do this.

Don't end the world for his limp dick.

Don't get too close. You're too close!

Don't get too close. You're too close!

Don't go balls out.

Don't involve him in this. Don't do that to him.

Don't know why I even try. She thinks I'm a freak. Don't say that.

Don't know.

Don't let it end like this

Don't let them burn.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't move.

Don't say that.

Don't stop breathing, dumbass.

Don't touch me, you prick.

Don't you even think about going up there on your own.

Don't..

Dr Weaver.

Drag Me Down by Weaves

D**** your arms around me and softly say

Drifting for you

Drive round, bitch! Oh, my days.

Drive you nuts.

Drive. Go, go! What did you get?

Eating their Coco Pops,

Eeny,

Eh. Yeah. Me, too

Emma Lawrence, the girl in the wheelchair.

Enjoy your breakfast

Enjoy your bungee jump. Mm.

Er, he was stung by a bee, he's allergic.

Er, kind of in a hurry to get in a traffic accident.

Er, kind of in a hurry to get in a traffic accident.

Er... Nothing. That was probably a deer or a badger.

Erm, yeah, sorry.

Erm...

Et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti...

Even when it cost her, she was always there.

Ever

Ever since I came off my meds, they make me come really hard.

Ever since I was 14, I've been wasting these pricks,

Ever since I was 14, I've been wasting these pricks.

Ever.

Every night

Every night you've got to save me

Every night you've got to save me

Every night...

Everybody look What's going down?

Everything that's happened,

Everything we've been through together.

Everything we've done,

Ex's and oh's...

Except all those other people who got possessed.

Execution was beautiful.

Execution was beautiful.

Falling on you

Faster, slower..

Fat sister Pete?

Feels like a long time ago.

Find another hill. I'm not finding another hill. You don't own it.

Find their dickhead friend, and check the first aid kit.

Fine you're obviously in some kind of trouble, so...

Fine. I'll go and wait in the car

Fit sister Pete?

Flick the fast forward switch and get to the jiggy bit

Flip it on its head. Flip my brother's head.

Foofoo, really?

For fuck's sake!

For fuck's sake.

For her, because she's a demon.

For sheer entertainment value?

For the phone signal. Right. Mm.

For you.

Foxes having sex.

Friends who are alive and extremely gullible?

Friends who are alive and extremely gullible?

Friends, we tell each other things.

Frosty snatch, are you being for real?

Gates of hell equals vagina.

Gay Simon? Weird Simon? Simon One Ball?

Gentle snow

Get away from everyone, you know.

Get her Little Miss Shit Wouldn't Melt In My Mouth!

Get it right, she should be fine, touch wood.

Get me a big dick size shard of ice.

Get off!

Get out there, you furry tit! Come out!

Get Raquel. Go!

Getting killed? Who are you?

Getting my head around this.

Getting yourself out there.

Gifted.

Girl I'm thinking of rides a skateboard.

Girl wants to feel alive again.

Give her a taste.

Give it time.

Go batshit crazy and slaughter their entire families and all their pets?

Go left.

Go on, then. Enjoy.

Go to the shop and buy some more.

Go up...

Go, go!

Go!

Go!

Go! Go after them!

Go.

God. Believe that? It's so rude.

Going to all that trouble with Suzanne, I mean,

Going to go psycho on them.

Going to have a scar? What?

Goldfish... Mm.

Good choice. Tangy lime.

Good guy demon, you and him, you friends?

Good luck with that.

Good luck with that.

Good try, cutie pie.

Good you're helping her out with this...stuff

Good. OK. Got it, tent boy, and I'll message you mine as soon as I get signal.

Goodnight another bad morning...

Got any... plans for the next few weeks?

Got the devil's disease

Gotcha.

Gotta raise a little hell...

Grab yourself a seat.

Great! Great. I'm really happy for you.

Great! Great. I'm really happy for you.

Green or red?

Guess being a demon doesn't necessarily make you a bad dad.

Guess being a demon doesn't necessarily make you a bad dad.

Guess she's going to find this kind of upsetting.

Guess that makes more sense, cos she's a local.

Guess we better pack our bikinis.

Guinea pigs. They were three for two.

Guys like that only understand one thing

Ha.

Had an Indian takeaway last night.

Half demon.

Half demon.

Half demon.

Halloween,

Hands and... relax.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

Hats off, really.

Have a little lie down as well.

Have I got a surprise for them!

Have you been eating garlic?

Have you noticed how all Asian guys basically have the same hair style?

Have you seen this? Practically everyone we know

Hazel's dead.

Hazel's dead.

He always had to be careful not to get angry or upset...

He always had to be careful not to get angry or upset...

He always said I was special.

He always said I was special.

He came out of nowhere.

He can make stuff fly.

He didn't care about you. I do.

He fancies you, so he's probably just thinking about his dick.

He got drunk last night and shaved his cat.

He has to wear kneepads and a helmet.

He just ran out in front of me. I think he's dead.

He just started seeing this girl.

He knows nothing about women.

He never gave up on me. He wouldn't give up.

He possessed my real dad, and jizzed inside my mum.

He put the devil in me

He really cares about you. This whole seeing the future thing...

He said there's a real nasty prick out there.

He said there's some demon prick after me.

He saved my life. You want me to ignore him?

He says, "Please, Daddy, I'm scared."

He sees another Max.

He used to call Mum's vagina a foofoo.

He walked to the ocean to make salt.

He wants you gone.

He wants you to call him. Yeah, I know. It's seriously weird...

He was attacking you.

He was right.

He was with his wife, it was so embarrassing,

He wore glasses.

He'd get mad and all the electronics in the car would get fried.

He'll be back later. OK.

He's a lying shit!

He's a pit bull.

He's always been there.

He's an emotional paraplegic.

He's asking for me.

He's had her for years. Then the girlfriend has to go.

He's just a guy I know.

He's like a leech on my dick, just

He's looking at me. It's like he knows why we're buying him.

He's my dad.

He's my demon dad.

He's my demon dad.

He's my demon dad.

He's not bringing me a little toy plane and a T shirt

He's not seeing the bigger picture.

He's not so good his cat got run over.

He's possessed. He saved us. Why would he do that? Why would he do that?

He's so embarrassing. Can we have a word?

He's the guy I saw attacking you!

He's the guy! The guy you got in the car with,

He's very excited that I pissed on him.

He's your dad.

Head down, balls out.

Head down, balls out.

Head down, balls out.

Hell, the underworld, whatever you want to call it.

Hello, Raquel.

Hello, Raquel.

Hello, Raquel.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Amy?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Help me!

Help yourself.

Her arsehole? No, I do not think it should be her arsehole!

Her body was here and her head was somewhere over there,

Her dying like that... it's not your fault.

Her soul came trip trapping back over the bridge into this world.

Her.

Here we all are, hmm.

Here's an idea, why don't you show Amy your bedroom?

Hey, can I borrow your car? Where you going?

Hey, honey. Are you with us?

Hey, I thought that was you.

Hey, I was calling you. I know.

Hey, isn't it a bit cruel keeping your dog in the boot like that?

Hey, man. Guess what?

Hey, no, you...shy away from intimacy. It's no biggy.

Hey, Raquel? You should really see this.

Hey, Suzanne. How are you?

Hey, you're in?

Hey!

Hey! Hey.

Hey! What's going on?

Hey? What's that, buddy?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey. I'm just leaving.

Hey. Hi. Who's your friend?

Hey. How's it going? It's great.

Hey. How's it going? It's great.

Hey. How's my boy?

Hi

Hi, Matt.

Hi, this is Raquel's phone, leave a message after the tone.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. I'm Dr Weaver from the Psychiatric Referral Unit.

Hi. Suzanne's alive! She came back to life.

Hi. Where's my car?

His dad says, "Max, there's no such thing as monsters."

His dad's tucking him into bed at night, kisses him,

His face swelled up.

His girlfriend obviously does things for him that the cat is

His girlfriend? Shave the cat numb nuts.

Hit it.

Hitting fans and splattering faces.

Hm, they're getting jiggy.

Hm, very sensible.

Hm.

Hm.

Hmm?

Hmm. Because that would be very weird.

Hmm. Ouch, that looks painful.

Honestly.

Hopefully not, but it happens.

Hopefully, I shouldn't be too much longer.

Hoping that the guy figures it out for himself?

How are we doing? Are you...? Will you please shut up!

How are you feeling now?

How big?

How come we can see them? It's just how our brains are wired.

How come you know about this place?

How come?

How did you find me?

How did you know? That shit stops you seeing them.

How do I get him out of her?

How do I get him out of her? You have to perform an exorcism.

How do you mean?

How does that sound?

How is she?

How many do you reckon she'll get through in a day?

How much she would like to see it. Weren't you, Amy?

How much you've done for her.

How weird is that? You were possessed.

Hugely disappointing, but I'll get over it, eventually.

Huh.

Hundreds of years, waiting in the darkness.

Hunting them down and shoving wooden poles up their arses.

Hurry!

I already lost one friend.

I always wanted to share my bed with a crazy seeing the future lady.

I am Baleros of the ancient ones,

I am itching to see it.

I am not having sex with your brother just so you can have a chat

I am not having sex with your brother just so you can have a chat

I appreciate the offer, but the grass is fine.

I ate the sweet. Thank you.

I bet you do.

I better go. OK.

I can come over and check her out.

I can lose a pint or two.

I can't believe you're the same confused, scared,

I can't do that.

I can't do this without you.

I can't end up like my mum.

I can't let you go.

I can't live this way.

I can't stop thinking about Suzanne.

I can't tell who is a demon and who isn't.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when you take it off.

I can't. Rejections hurt his feelings.

I can't. What are you talking about?

I come out here sometimes,

I could find a paedophile, or a rapist

I could have just put it in my phone.

I couldn't be there when he woke up. It's beyond embarrassing.

I couldn't let you kill Raquel

I couldn't let you kill Raquel.

I couldn't stop them killing my dad.

I couldn't.

I couldn't.

I cut myself so Suzanne could feed.

I deserve better.

I did not sign up for this.

I did say you were on their radar

I did some brawly shit today.

I didn't find no cure. I know why she's a revenant.

I didn't have anything to sleep in.

I didn't think I'd ever have this with someone.

I didn't want to lie to you.

I don't care how hungry you are, you're my best friend.

I don't even know what that is.

I don't even know what that is.

I don't have a mum.

I don't hear anything.

I don't know about you...

I don't know what half this shit means.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I don't know what to do, I need your help.

I don't know what to say to her.

I don't know what you're saying

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Where is she?

I don't know. They're keeping me in some old factory.

I don't need you to protect me. I never have.

I don't need you to protect me. I never have.

I don't remember.

I don't remember.

I don't suppose you know where she is?

I don't think I can fight this any longer.