The Love Boat (1977) - Season 1 Edit

A 114.

A 114.

A a a kinda King Kong thing with fins.

A a aren't, uh... jogging?

A across the desert?

A after the dance.

A big Christmas goose,

A big night for penguins.

A bowl of chowder.

A boy named Bobby Hoffmeier beat you to it.

A brandy.

A budding Chester Nimitz

A certain gleam in your eye.

A Christmas cruise with her.

A clown? Ah, like Marcel Marceau.

A cocktail party on the Lido Deck.

A compliment, do you?

A cop, in that cover up.

A couple of soliloquies, and then back to you.

A cruise ship. Uh huh.

A crummy plumber.

A crush?

A dancing admiral.

A disgrace to my family.

A divorce, Ray.

A divorce?

A divorce? You must be crazy.

A divorce.

A doctor doesn't have to apologize to a mere nurse.

A dollar tip? Bill, you know

A dollar.

A drag?

A fast is fast.

A fast.

A few hours ago... He isn't... No, no.

A few hours.

A fledgling David Farragut,

A flower of faultless beauty, second only to your own.

A friend of mine brought me.

A friend of mine designed it.

A friend of mine, Cleofus,

A funny thing happened on the way to the divorce.

A funny thing happened to me

A girl changes her whole line of thinking and she says,

A gold choker.

A gold choker. You know, that's a terrific idea.

A good massage.

A good memory. I'll be right back.

A grandmother from England and a grandson from Brooklyn.

A grown woman with a chaperone.

A guy named Carter confessed his lust in Playboy,

A ha!

A hairy little man in a dress.

A her?

A homeowner's policy.

A honeymoon for one.

A host, of lovely daffodils.

A job in the agency.

A lady who has devoted her life to the sea.

A lady who, in her own selfless way,

A large Black Russian.

A Las Vegas showgirl. Hm.

A lawyer who can't practice law.

A lifetime of todays.

A lifetime warranty against bugs.

A line is sending one of their inspectors on this cruise.

A little cork in the ripple.

A little fettuccine, a little ravioli,

A little homesick about

A little louder, they'd abandon ship.

A little more imaginative than Smith.

A little something to help me in this predicament.

A little spice to your life.

A little.

A live father than a dead hero?

A long time ago, before I ever met him,

A lot better vacation than that.

A lot different than it was in my day.

A lot more Smiths in the world than Brickers, you know.

A lot of black history lately.

A maestro's place is with the orchestra,

A man and his wife,

A man could have.

A man down on the dock asked me to return this.

A man gets very lonely at sea.

A man of few words but plenty of action.

A man wanted this space, but I couldn't sell it to him.

A man, by the way, who makes you look like chopped liver.

A masquerade party tomorrow night.

A meeting in Puerto Vallarta.

A mild sedative.

A million and a half.

A million and a half.

A million point two. Heh.

A million what?

A million?

A Moveable Feast. It's Hemingway's best.

A Mr. Dale Rhinehart, who's late.

A Mr. Humbertson.

A name. We gotta have a name.

A new person.

A night here, a weekend there,

A novel.

A padlock for his mouth.

A passenger just called and said

A perfect ending to a perfect meal.

A peso for your thoughts?

A picture of the new Cyril Wolff.

A pimple?

A pimple. Now?

A poet has to get paid, or he isn't a legit poet.

A priest is who I am.

A prisoner of love, eh?

A punch in the nose? That sounds good to me.

A raging inferno.

A real Stubing.

A real uggo, huh?

A redhead, 4'10"?

A relationship without a commitment.

A rose.

A ruby has fire, an emerald has depth,

A rule is a rule, Mr. Smith.

A screwdriver.

A sewing bandit?

A showoff.

A simple "Your Majesty" will do.

A Singapore who, sir?

A stomachache. Must have been something I ate.

A surprise birthday party.

A surprise.

A teacher.

A technicality.

A thousand to one shot.

A toast to Captain Merrill Stubing, Sr.,

A touch of reality.

A towel? Yes.

A very concerned father.

A very happy day for me,

A very personal color.

A very selfish guy whose only concern is himself.

A very special occasion.

A very special request.

A very special treat for you.

A what?

A what? What is it?

A wild West night.

A Wilt Chamberlainsky cocktail.

A woman can't be Santa Claus.

A wonderful voyage

A wonderful, permanent love affair.

A word that you've never heard any Scotsman say before.

A young lady these days who will admit it.

A young, handsome, cavalry officer

A... We had everything.

A.J. White you're not.

Aagh!

Aboard the Pacific Princess.

Aboard the Princess.

About 240.

About administrative details.

About enjoying a little freedom, you know?

About French girls that drives men crazy.

About Henrietta and Horace.

About how to get that dog out of his cabin.

About my p.j.'s.

About my past.

About something like this, so...

About something that's important.

About the good news and the bad news?

About the porcupine and the stew...

About the surprise birthday party for my wife.

About the way things worked out.

About the young people today.

About us.

About you.

About your brilliant advertising career,

About your father.

Absolutely fantastic.

Absolutely terrible. Who would do such a thing?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. Isaac, we'll be over here.

Acapulco?

Accepted.

Accident? I have it.

Accidentally put a cherry into a martini.

According to a source aboard the Pacific Princess."

According to her taste,

According to the computer, I mean, none of those couples

Act like I'm having... Ah!

Action on this ship.

Actually my problem is with my serve.

Actually out there now,

Actually, he was more than just a friend.

Actually, he's not allowed to mingle with the passengers,

Actually, I can hardly find time for the Poconos anymore.

Actually, I owe you an apology.

Actually, I'm hoping to get married.

Actually, Mr. Beatty,

Actually, there are any number of bridges

Actually, uh, captain, it's not for me.

Actually, you did.

Actually, you know, um...

Actually, you're supposed to end up with me

Adam Bricker, the ship's doctor.

Adam Bricker.

Adam, this is Buddy Stanfield.

Adam, what's wrong?

Adam, you were so sweet to recommend me for this job.

Adam?

Adam. Adam Bricker.

Adios, doll, it was an interesting voyage.

Adiós, muchacho.

Advanced for his years, isn't he?

Afraid of change.

Afraid of disturbing the peace, or something?

Afraid of letting go.

After all these years?

After all these years.

After all, biology is a science.

After all, how far can you go on a ship?

After all, it is their affair.

After all, none of us are perfect.

After all, that'll be only two more years.

After all, you're both in advertising.

After all.

After eating such an enormous dinner?

After he saw how well you danced.

After I cheated you?

After I lied to you?

After last night.

After Miss Rogers' diamond.

After my operation, I'm going to have to rest up for a while,

After our recent conversation,

After seeing you two last night,

After she sings four bars, it'll be without an audience.

After the cruise I'd like to go back to New York with you.

After what you did to the waiter,

After you kicked him out on his cucaracha?

After you leave the ship tomorrow,

After you made the band play Nearer, My God, to Thee,

Again with the feet like an elephant and banana nose?

Again.

Against poverty, and I also feel that...

Against poverty. A... An unflinching battle

Agatha Christie?

Age before beauty, Miss Nolan.

Age is only in the mind.

Agh!

Agreed?

Ah ha ha ha. And I am John Doe.

Ah ha, we've got a whole boatload of guys

Ah huh.

Ah, a teacher.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Ah, ah... Aye, aye, sir.

Ah, all right. That's what we're here for.

Ah, blow it out your ear.

Ah, bonjour.

Ah, Brigitte.

Ah, but are you sure you do?

Ah, captain. A pleasure to meet you.

Ah, come on, Denise. Lighten up, will ya?

Ah, come on, Frank.

Ah, does that smile look like the smile of a lover?

Ah, excuse me.

Ah, forget her. She's the one I spilled spaghetti on.

Ah, forget it.

Ah, good morning.

Ah, ha ha ha. Yeah.

Ah, he hasn't been decent in years.

Ah, here's your Irish coffee.

Ah, is she single?

Ah, just getting some fresh air.

Ah, Laura, my age. When I'm 70... I know.

Ah, look, why don't you...?

Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Dullard. Welcome aboard.

Ah, my machine only helps those who help themselves.

Ah, never mind.

Ah, no time. No time.

Ah, none of the fellas I knew ever looked like you.

Ah, nothing, thanks. I was just leaving.

Ah, now, here's your drink, sir.

Ah, okay, Teach.

Ah, oui.

Ah, please, call me Merrill.

Ah, relax, Elwood. You'll live longer.

Ah, see... Bye, all.

Ah, September you're gonna be at Forest Hills,

Ah, service that bad, huh?

Ah, sir? Hm?

Ah, so then you're very at home in the dark room.

Ah, thank you, my good man.

Ah, thanks, Gram.

Ah, thanks, honey, bye. Thank you.

Ah, that didn't come out right,

Ah, that guy was a waste of money.

Ah, that's a reservation for Mr...

Ah, the Love Boat.

Ah, there you are, doctor.

Ah, there you are, Mrs. Warner.

Ah, there you are.

Ah, there you are.

Ah, this is our purser's lobby.

Ah, this sure beats coffee as an eye opener.

Ah, to you, maybe,

Ah, two cognacs, right?

Ah, two cognacs. Right.

Ah, very well.

Ah, we did it.

Ah, we, uh...

Ah, we'd like to have our meals

Ah, we'll knock 'em dead.

Ah, we're glad you enjoyed yourself.

Ah, we're the Marshalls. Um...

Ah, welcome aboard, sir.

Ah, welcome aboard.

Ah, welcome aboard.

Ah, well you throw in your head, and we'll talk.

Ah, well, don't just stand there.

Ah, well, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Ah, well, have a great honeymoon,

Ah, well, maybe you'll enjoy it so much,

Ah, well, miss, uh,

Ah, well, that's long enough for this.

Ah, well, what time does it open?

Ah, well, Yeoman Purser Smith at your service.

Ah, what?

Ah, what's new?

Ah, what's so funny.

Ah, why not?

Ah, yes, and do be careful.

Ah, yes, sir. This is your last warning.

Ah, yes, that's me.

Ah, yes. Come in, Gopher.

Ah, yes. Nothing like a good night's sleep.

Ah, yes. Now, let's see.

Ah, you bicycle seat, dog dish, vegetable...

Ah, you both have the same sense of humor: terrible.

Ah, you don't happen to know the name of a good agent, do you?

Ah, you have excellent taste.

Ah, you're his daughter all right.

Ah, you're not a stranger.

Ah, you're right. There was nothing to it.

Ah, your face.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Ah, yes.

Ah. Business as usual.

Ah. But, I want you to know

Ah. Excuse me, Doc.

Ah. Ha ha ha.

Ah. I didn't think of that.

Ah. I don't know, Doc, it's a big step.

Ah. Is everything all right?

Ah. It's very pretty.

Ah. Look here.

Ah. Martin, my boy.

Ah. Moe, you gotta stop being so funny.

Ah. Oh, isn't this wonderful.

Ah. Oh!

Ah. She looks like the real McCoy to me.

Ah. Somehow 86 degrees,

Ah. Sounds like you go back a ways.

Ah. That makes two of us, Captain Stubing.

Ah. There's a story to tell.

Ah. This is incredible.

Ah. Tootles, Doc. Thanks for a lovely evening.

Ah. Uh, Davis, uh, no bush around the beat, eh?

Ah. Uh, excuse me. That's the captain.

Ah. Very smooth.

Ah. Wanna give it a try?

Ah. Welcome to the club Alidante.

Ah. Well, Mr. Heider, are you just about ready?

Ah. Well, what can I say? We're an item.

Ah...

Ah... I can only stay a minute.

Ah... obviously.

Ah... Pardon me. Would you like a Danish?

Ah... Teresa... Nice to see you.

Ah... Uh...

Ah... What kind of, uh, special attention

Aha.

Aha.

Aha.

Aha.

Aha. Hello.

Aha. There's my masterpiece.

Aha. There's your answer, Watson.

Ahem, I do hope that you will excuse my laryngitis.

Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahem. Excuse me.

Ahem. Morning, ma'am. Morning.

Ahem. Okay, Diana,

Ahem. Well, uh, how are you all enjoying the cruise?

Ahem. Well, um, I heard the food was good, you know?

Ahem. You have the right to remain silent.

Ahem. You shouldn't have mentioned it.

Ahh.

Ahhh.

Ahoy, shipmates.

Ain't I just.

Ain't she just?

Ain't that a coincidence?

Ain't that a laugh?

Ain't you ever hear of Black Bart?

Ain't you gonna pipe me aboard?

Alan handled my case.

Alan here thinks chenille is married to the captain.

Alan was very kind.

Alan, I know it seems strange,

Alan, what's going on?

Alan.

Alan. Oh.

Alex and I designed them.

Alex disappeared.

Alex Fowler.

Alex, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

Alex.

Alex.

Alex.

Algolina Patricia Ruiz Inex Lopez.

Algolina Patricia Ruiz Inex Lopez.

Alive.

All ashore who's going ashore.

All better.

All day long I've been thinking about being with you.

All day long.

All day. Well, that's okay.

All depends on who I'm dancing with.

All I ask for is an apology, in writing.

All I do is speak, and it's down on paper.

All I ever wanted to be was your wife.

All I have to do is give a little lecture.

All I need are my friends

All I need is some candid shots of my wife.

All I said was you look very nice tonight.

All I'm interested in is us.

All I've done since we met

All I've ever really wanted to do was write songs.

All my brother and sister. Seventeen of them.

All my training hasn't been in vain.

All of 'em.

All of it!

All of them screaming at me.

All of them?

All opposed.

All over the ship. It'll be my pleasure.

All passengers pay in advance in full.

All quiet with the Teagues, Doc?

All ready to operate, nurse.

All right, all right.

All right, all right. Take it easy.

All right, babe.

All right, boss. Good luck.

All right, but I don't see any point in a silly game

All right, Cathy, you can cut the mime now.

All right, come here. All right.

All right, don't sing.

All right, every... All right, everybody.

All right, gentlemen, let's go.

All right, he goes on trips all the time.

All right, Herb. Let's go.

All right, here we go.

All right, I'll play you a game and prove it.

All right, I'll tell him.

All right, I'll tell you.

All right, Julie, sit here.

All right, pit stop here.

All right, so I'll pass up one TV guest shot.

All right, uh, Miss, uh, uh...

All right! All right.

All right?

All right?

All right?

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. sir.

All right. ( both laugh )

All right. All right, that's it.

All right. I'll see you then.

All right. Tootles.

All set to head for the bounding main?

All set.

All set.

All that luxury, completely paid for.

All that wonderful marble and chrome and leather.

All the best to you, sir. Thank you, thank you.

All the buyers were men.

All the candles burnt down.

All the material possessions.

All the ships look the same...

All the time we were together, I...

All these cabins to make up

All this mating.

All together now!

All visitors ashore, please.

All visitors ashore, please.

All we can do is listen to the patient

All we need is a place to lay our heads.

All you could talk about was the origin of German lieder

All you got was a husband at sea and a name that you hated.

All you have to do to join in

All you need now is a little rest.

All your life, and suddenly

All your time with Mr. Wrong?

ALL: Right.

All... All I need is one.

All... All this time and it's never surfaced,

All... All we ever do is fight.

Allow me to apologize again.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Allow me to show you to your cabin, sir.

Allow me to take this. Allow me.

Allow me, darling. Mm.

Allow me. I'm Regina Parker.

Alma... STUBING: Hello.

Almost 26.

Almost ready.

Aloha!

Aloha. Adios.

Alone, she raised the child by the...

Alone?

Alone?

Already?

Also hat and, uh, wristwatch.

Also remember, Davis, why we take this cruise, huh?

Also, uh... we're divorced.

Although I know how much it means to you,

Although your business is my pleasure.

Although, it's only fair to warn you:

Alvin, take this below deck, please.

Always thought I could have made it

Am I losing you too?

Am I too late?

Amazing that we've been at sea 45 minutes,

Amazing.

America, here I come!

American color TV.

American is ordinary.

Amnesia?

Amy and Jennifer. They're 4.

An Affair to Remember.

An ancient nautical tradition.

An appointment on the Bridge with the captain.

An astronomer. Lithuanian royalty.

An awfully nice wedding present.

An equal opportunity holiday.

An ex Marine from Baltimore.

An exhibition game at the Yankee Stadium.

An experiment that failed... miserably.

An hour isn't exactly the kind of time I had in mind, Frank.

An inspector? I'm an author.

An international jewel thief on board,

An international smuggler with your son's description,

An order.

And 344 on the Promenade Deck.

And a bag of popcorn,

And a beautiful baby

And a beautiful head on your shoulders.

And a bourbon and water.

And a brand new Rolls Royce.

And a couple of aspirin won't cure.

And a dollar tip.

And a half.

And a heck of a marriage counselor.

And a jackass for a captain.

And a little more moonlight?

And a nose that reminds her of a banana.

And a Paco Martinez.

And a perfect evening.

And a place to be alone? ( sighs )

And a potential member of the family.

And a pretty one too.

And a son can't hold onto his mom.

And a sunset every now and then for inspiration.

And a two pronged pin on the back.

And a walk in the moonlight.

And a Waring blender.

And a wind chill factor, minus 12.

And a wonderful captain.

And act like I know what I'm doing.

And act like you're having fun.

And actually, sir, it's a lady.

And after Christmas, what?

And afterwards I'm going to need an awful lot of handholding...

And afterwards, a reception.

And again.

And aim a little to the right.

And all he could talk about

And all night long it goes boom?

And all that stuff. Uh, there you go...

And all those other captains and admirals that?

And allegro modenus.

And also long range goals.

And an entire strawberry shortcake for dessert.

And an extra breadstick, please.

And an hour for your hobby.

And an overabundance of boogying.

And another 50,000 in cash, huh?

And another thing.

And anyway, he's been on duty, so I...

And anywhere else I might get burned.

And as for the factory,

And as I pull the trigger... ( gunshot )

And ask for a screwdriver

And ask them if they wanna play a game?

And asked her to tell the ship's captain

And at the right moment,

And be careful not to crumple the card.

And be careful of what you eat. And don't drink the water.

And be on the bridge at 0800 hours.

And because, I happen to be the only captain afloat

And believe it to be true.

And besides, it's time for your break

And besides, my printout says that you and I

And big cowboy hats, and...

And bingo: boy meets Valentine cruise girl of his dreams.

And bitter. And ugly.

And by 10 we're sitting down

And by the way, good luck tonight, Prince Charming.

And by the way, how much money you got in the box?

And call me when we're 25 miles out.

And changing the regular flags

And Charlene has plans for her Isaac.

And close the door after you.

And concentrate on that inferno you're cooking.

And Danny... Yeah?

And Dawn has a perfect bedside manner.

And Dean's another one, you know.

And dedicated... moth."

And didn't he tell old jokes?

And didn't he wear a crazy hat and carry a cane?

And do I have a great wedding present for you.

And do you have something to declare. Heh heh.

And do you know what the result will be?

And do you, Henrietta MacDonald,

And Doc. Hi, Jenny.

And Doc's over there...

And does that somebody have anything to do with the towel

And don't forget to leave the waiter some Kleenex.

And don't forget, our gift shop will be open

And don't let all that champagne go to your head.

And don't let anybody tell you what to do.

And don't let Captain Stubing boss you around.

And don't make it more difficult for me by looking so sexy.

And don't print anything, Frank.

And down a floor. Oh, thank you, Gopher.

And down like that.

And dressing up like this was crazy, but...

And dumped 'em right in the ocean.

And embarrass the hell out of me.

And engines purr Beneath my deft wrenches

And even better taste in wives.

And even that, we wasted half of it fighting.

And every time they hear a child laugh,

And everybody saying, "aloha."

And everybody to dress up in Western clothes,

And everybody's so happy that they can't see straight.

And everyone's gonna be hanging around when we dock,

And everything in its place.

And fast. Now what should I do?

And feel it at the same time.

And fill me up a doggy bag, will you?

And fly home.

And for dessert, ladies and gentlemen,

And for everyone aboard it.

And for putting up with everything.

And for this holiday,

And for what happened to our life ten years ago.

And forgot to pay for the drinks.

And from now on, I'm gonna tell you so often

And from the way she eats,

And fruit juices and grenadine.

And get some bed rest... alone.

And get whatever feelings I had for him out in the open?

And get you squared away. Okay.

And get your pills for you.

And give me a kiss.

And go to your room.

And God gave us the brass ring.

And good luck. JUDY: Thank you.

And Gopher. Hi, Jenny.

And Gopher's a mighty mean gin rummy player.

And had laryngitis and then a second later you didn't.

And half the kitchen staff.

And handlebar mustaches.

And have only 46 minutes to play.

And he always charges you double.

And he called them

And he couldn't care less about me.

And he didn't handle that too well.

And he doesn't know when to stop.

And he goes over and... Well, the lights were flashing,

And he got to be president.

And he knows I know.

And he lands right in

And he ordered me to take his dress whites

And he ran off with the girl

And he really does something to you.

And he said, "Gopher, you're fired."

And he sent his jewelry on ahead.

And he sure ain't talking.

And he thought he was the life of the party.

And he thought I would be bored if I came along.

And he wants her to be his guest at the farewell party.

And he was never a... A captain.

And he was very good to me while you were away.

And he wasn't at breakfast today.

And he would have if I hadn't been such a damn fool

And he'll play the candelabra.

And he's a big fan of hers,

And he's a good teacher.

And he's mine.

And he's not going on.

And he's not gonna know.

And he's practically asked me to marry him.

And he's taught me how to twinkle too.

And he's very popular with the passengers.

And he's walking out of the room this minute.

And hello, fun.

And help me out?