Umbrella Academy - Season 2 Edit

A "light" supper?

A bare knuckle boxer

A boatload, Vanya, which I don't have the luxury of sharing them with the

A bright blue light, then something appears.

A colorful history.

A counter girl at Neiman Marcus.

A couple of sassy New Yorkers

A Cuban exile known only as Diego...

A few hours.

A front for what?

A full investigation is underway.

A hurricane? A storm front?

A land of make believe where you don't have to face up to who you really are.

A little smaller every day.

A lot of people did.

A man in over his head.

A much better plan is for us to travel to 2019.

A nation mourns, the world grieves.

A n**** radical responsible for instigating and organizing

A silly life on a silly farm.

A son who won't talk to you?

A thank you for preserving

A virgin.

A word, in private?

A year, thanks to you.

Aah!

Aah! [groans]

Aah! Well done, darling.

Aah... [gasping]

About Kennedy.

About me.

About President Kennedy is what got you committed

About the military making you a man.

About time you showed up.

Actu... Uh...

Actually succeed at something?

Actually, I need Vanya to give me a ride up to Jim Garvey's ranch.

Actually, the line is, "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown."

Actually, you have 89 minutes and 30 seconds.

After everything he's done to you? He's the reason you got demoted.

After you.

Again! Hit me!

Against insurmountable odds

Against the wicked and iniquitous,

Ain't a lot of men around here who apologize to women.

AJ Carmichael ordered it, and you carried it out.

AJ, give me two freaking days. I will make this right.

AJ.

All 12 members of our board...

All I do is watch you make the same mistakes

All I know is that these guys are really dangerous

All I'm suffering from is bracing clarity about you and your murderous intentions.

All in favor?

All kinds of crazy going on outside.

All my money's already in the pot.

All of our hard work is finally paying off.

All of you knew?

All questions will be answered at the end of the film.

All right, all right, all right. Enough about me. What about you?

All right, baby, come on

All right, Diego. Will you wait? I just need, like, ten minutes.

All right, fine.

All right, here's the plan: Oswald finishes his shift at 4:30 p.m.

All right, just be cool

All right, Lila, I gotta take off with Five, okay?

All right, now, look,

All right, now, smile.

All right, one game.

All right, one...

All right, say cheese.

All right, so, I have been getting a lot of questions from the young folk

All right, uh, quick rundown.

All right, we can't stay here too long.

All right, you're both here. All right, we gotta go.

All right? And second of all,

All right? I went through orientation

All right? I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise. Okay?

All right? Now, no more questions.

All right? We have 30 minutes to leave.

All right? We're grown ass men.

All right? You're my last sane option.

All right? My dimwitted brother might buy your bullshit,

All right.

All right.

All right. [pops knuckles]

All right. First off, I wanna say I'm sorry.

All right. I'm going.

All right. Let's get this over with, shall we?

All right. Quiet down, now, everyone! Quiet down. Thank you.

All right. Screw it.

All right..

All the children of the prophet have them.

All the details are irrelevant, but...

All the ladies at the counters looked like livin' dolls. Still do.

All the rest of this..

All the time.

All the way.

All this killing...

All those contraptions on the roof, you built those, right?

All those years in the apocalypse,

All through puberty and breakfasts and all that.

All we are doing is getting rid of a mutant doppelganger.

All we had to do was be here.

All we have to do is make nice with Vanya,

Allison can rumor anyone to do anything.

Allison Chestnut,

Allison Hargreeves.

Allison has been very involved in local politics.

Allison told me that she had family up north, but...

Allison, am I lying?

Allison, put it down! Allison, put the bat down.

Allison, wait

Allison, you killed a vacuum cleaner salesman in our goddamn living room.

Allison, your marriage is in trouble and your rally turned into a riot.

Allison!

Allison!

Allison!

Allison!

Allison!

Allison! Hey!

Allison.

Allison. Allison, baby, it's okay. Baby, I love you.

Allison...

Allison... Allison...

Almond shaped eyes you get lost in

Although, the Commission will not be paying for this service

Am I right?

Am I supposed to take that seriously?

Am I?

Amateur.

Amputating a vestigial nipple.

An acorn doesn't become an oak overnight.

An army of mutants?  Nein.

An extremely unpleasant experience for you.

Analyst: keeping us informed.

And a member of the Umbrella Academy.

And AJ Carmichael gave the order.

And all the way through my long, tedious,

And back to 2019 where you belong.

And can you blame me? When you... you get angry, shit blows up.

And clap our hands like seals for your amusement.

And crazy IBS. I mean, it's a miracle I'm sitting down

And decided instead to come and learn from the school of life.

And destroyed, like, half the farm with a shock wave. So unoriginal.

And Diego listens to him and trusts him.

And does this "prophet" have a name?

And don't even get me started on Number Five,

And don't worry about that parking spot.

And end up in this twip of a body,

And ended up being scattered throughout the timeline in Dallas, Texas.

And everything worked out just fine.

And finally, I'm dairy free.

And finally, Klaus,

And for the first time in my life, I don't wanna do it alone.

And forget we ever met. [grunts]

And get out of my house.

And good or bad, that means we don't get to live normal lives.

And got a shitload of numbers.

And happy.

And Harlan?

And Hazel gave his life to save us,

And he brainwashed you into thinking you had no powers.

And he said, "Yup! All the HoJo's."

And he's gonna turn us all against each other. You watch.

And here's the best part. You're gonna love this.

And I am long gone.

And I came to where it all started.

And I do expect you to be packed up and gone

And I got a dead man wrapped up in my best rug, babe.

And I have all these people

And I know who did it.

And I lose everyone?

And I marooned your big dumb ass in time.

And I passed and I stopped doomsday.

And I professed my undying love for...

And I quote, "As the president said earlier this year,

And I really wish I had time for the nervous breakdown you so deserve.

And I said, "All the HoJo's?" 'Cause I wasn't sure if I heard him right.

And I stole it!

And I understand their sentiment. Believe me, I understand it.

And I wanna forget it, but I can't.

And I will bring soup.

And I will do whatever it takes to get them.

And I... I feel things for you.

And I'm bringing the crazy lady.

And I'm here to tell you, Dave,

And I've decided...

And if I was gonna do something about it, it sure as hell is not gonna be with you.

And if you would just please leave me alone for five goddamn minutes,

And in the meantime, I have no idea who I was.

And in turn, when we do arrive,

And it ain't happenin'...

And it was fun helping people for a while.

And it's freakin' awesome.

And it's scary, but that's kinda the deal.

And left the Commission.

And let me say,

And Luther is in love with his sister.

And martyrs aren't around to enjoy the victory party

And maybe I could save his life!

And maybe you have a right to be pissed off and sad and messed up, but...

And my heart wants to go with you.

And no one has to worry about who kills who, okay?

And no one would ever come after us for being with you like they did today.

And not knowing if you're ever gonna see the people you love again,

And not to hesitate to sacrifice themselves for another.

And now it's like we're connected.

And people are disappearing.

And prove something to yourself.

And Ray gave me that.

And real things end.

And report any anomalies we see along the way,

And right now, our siblings are risking everything out there

And seven:

And she certainly never mentioned a brother

And sit down with me.

And so far, I've been right.

And so, my fellow Americans,

And softened the hard red line on Berlin.

And some much better booze.

And some nights we use it as a community gathering spot.

And stop twisting that tacky little bracelet

And tell him he has 24 hours to exit Dallas.

And tell them that this is the most ridiculous gambit in spycraft history.

And that guy you're eating brunch with is your Uncle Ryan who fought in Korea.

And that little bracelet you're wearing, that certainly isn't very subtle.

And that makes me the bad guy?

And that's the problem.

And the apocalypse when we get back to 2019?

And the best part of my life.

And the closest anyone's gotten to Dad was that driveway at the consulate.

And the Consulate General of Mexico in Dallas

And the frog says, "Make it 20."

And the Hitler Youth had a baby.

And the Ladies Auxiliary will be cooking for the families of those injured.

And the only thing you succeeded in doing was freaking him out.

And the other crash sites, gentlemen.

And the scorpion's like, "All right, fine, 15."

And the scorpion's like, "How about five bucks?"

And the strange thing is, he is also claiming to be your brother.

And the truth is, we can go back and forth on it all night.

And the way things are going,

And the way things are going,

And the woman that I love loves someone else.

And then Ray got arrested on some bullshit charge, and...

And then take it to Cattlemen's for a big ole steak. Mmm...

And then the big, sensitive one.

And then we're gonna sort all this stuff out.

And then you swing us back a few decades

And there's something that I'd like to share

And there's the president of the United States.

And they are being greeted by placards

And they were not here to sell vacuums.

And they'll say to me things like, "Ray, these people are killing us.

And they're not gonna stop until I'm dead.

And they're ready.

And this is only gonna make it worse.

And this is the real fly in the ointment here:

And threatened with murder.

And through me tell the story of that man skilled in all ways of contending,

And to be in an unfamiliar world.

And to show the police that we will not be bullied into submission.

And together, just the two of us,

And we are not the monsters that they say we are.

And we can figure out the next steps from there.

And we could go to the park after or something?

And we do not negotiate with terrorists, Allison

And we gotta go with our hearts.

And we leave in...

And we read James and the Giant Peach.

And we thank you for your service.

And weeks of preparation, you allowed Number Six to die

And what about World War III

And what are your secrets?

And what business is that?

And what I am is sexy trash.

And what if we're separated?

And what'd he say?

And when it's daylight on Wednesday.

And why would I do that?

And women.

And you are entirely average.

And you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

And you can stay and read to Harlan.

And you don't talk back.

And you fight like you know what you're doing.

And you got about ten seconds to explain your business here.

And you have...

And you live a beautiful and wonderful life.

And you look like an ape.

And you look up to Brian.

And you once wore a sarong to a fraternity party

And you suppress all your emotions deep, deep down

And you will be my right hand.

And you,

And you?

And you'll love it, trust me. And you're welcome, by the way.

And you're gonna end up wishing that you didn't.

And you're scared of what she'll do with all that new power.

And you're starting to believe all this stuff he's saying

And you're the one who brought Vanya.

And, as you know, we cannot allow him to get his nose into our business.

And, uh, you, you're good?

And, uh, you, you're good?

And?

And...

Another day or two, and I'll be out of this place,

Answer me! Is it true?

Any closer, and I'll melt your brain.

Any episodes?

Any idea when the next bus to Dallas is coming?

Any more questions, Elliott?

Any more time, and people will start asking questions.

Any nuggets of wisdom that you can give to me?

Any of you. I...

Any questions?

Any questions?

Anyone care to explain?

Anyone makes a fat joke, and I'm outta here.

Anyone?

Anything for family, brother.

Anything.

Apes.

Apparently, Robert Kennedy's people reached out from the AG's office.

Apparently.

April 2, 2019.

Are all walking along the edge of this fence,

Are incapable of meeting a simple deadline,

Are planning to kill Kennedy the day after tomorrow.

Are you in trouble with the law?

Are you involved in somethin' nefarious?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding, honey?

Are you my wife or not?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?

Are you really going to kill him?

Are you saying that I could see Claire again?

Are you serious?

Are you smoking?

Are you sure about that?

Are you sure you don't have paradox psychosis?

Are you... drunk?

Aren't we all brothers and sisters, or...?

Arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space time continuum.

Arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space time continuum.

Around 1924, they had an outbreak.

As a security precaution.

As an acorn. Yeah.

As I said, there are elements in my life

As in...

As it is considered out of network by our insurance provider.

As planned, but this time with the right math,

As soon as I can, I promise.

As the head of the Commission,

As the Soviets deny all responsibility.

Ask him yourself.

Ask me again, I'll staple your face to the wall.

Ask me something only Ben would know.

Ask not what your country can do for you,

Ask what you can do for your country.

Asking me about why...

Assault and battery.

Asteroid impact.

At a 1963 diner in front of his blatantly closeted uncle.

At all times...

At least this time I get to say goodbye.

At the exact spot the president's gonna get shot.

At the Holbrook Sanitarium.

At the Plano Street Rooming House for Solitary Men.

At the time of the assassination.

Attaboy.

Attention all Commission supervisors,

Away from Carl.

Away from here.

Aww

Aww.

Aww.

Aww.

B 6!

Babe, have you seen my green tie?

Babe, they were going to arrest me regardless.

Baby, I got such a day planned for the three of us.

Baby, that... [chuckles]

Back alley.

Back then I was toeing the company line,

Back to Dallas.

Back to help his family.

Back tomorrow night.

Bacon.

Bad idea, shit heel.

Bad news is, it followed us here.

Be a happy family again.

Be anyone you want.

Be gentle.

Be good for him, get some special attention.

Be happy you're still employed.

Be that as it may...

Because he didn't have our parents murdered.

Because he is an idiot.

Because I have much bigger plans for you.

Because I know what it's like to love dangerous people.

Because I think there's something he left out.

Because I'm him, and that is exactly what I would do

Because I'm somewhat of a lone wolf myself.

Because if you don't,

Because of a lie.

Because the dominoes aren't gonna topple, Dave.

Because the world ends again in ten days.

Because they're gonna be looking for us.

Because this movement is bigger than all of us.

Because we might not...

Because we're ready.

Because you deserve to know the truth.

Because you're fired!

Because...

Beeker's Cameras is open today, but it's two miles away.

Beeker's Cameras is open today, but it's two miles away.

Before he started running amok.

Before I call the police.

Before it gets outta hand.

Before the president is killed,

Before we could have a meaningful conversation.

Before we do any more damage to this timeline.

Before you know it, it's raining nukes.

Believe me.

Belongs to your husband.

Ben, huh? Gone forever.

Ben, what's happening to you?

Best not tell him about Harlan and all.

Best thing we can do is put him out of his misery.

Better he sees who his mama really is.

Better than I know myself.

Big Lila, all in charge, not trusting her mother,

Billions of people were wiped out in a matter of minutes.

Black women's hair.

Blame the Handler, all right? She faked the kill order.

Blew up the moon.

Blitzed out of his mind, in his drawers. [laughing]

Bloody act like one.

Boo!

Boy, you come here.

Breathe, Allison.

Breathe, Allison. [exhaling]

Breathe, come on.

Breathe!

Breathe.

Breathe. Shit. No, Allison!

Bring the car around.

Brothers, sisters, everybody sing!

Building's still here.

Bullshit. I saw the kill order.

Bumping into your own tiny doppelganger? He will lose his shit.

Business in Waco.

But Dad will.

But did he... say anything about...

But do you really care?

But first, I need to introduce you to somebody.

But Five is.

But give me the math.

But guess what?

But Harlan has been through enough.

But he's been putting away vodka gimlets like they're gonna run out of limes.

But he's you.

But I can't imagine what it must be like for you boys.

But I do have...

But I do now.

But I don't recall there being a nuclear holocaust.

But I don't trust you for a second.

But I gotta cut through the park, and there's pigeons

But I had silly dreams back then.

But I have a responsibility to the public,

But I know all about you.

But I like it better when I know what they're lying about.

But I need to know you're a good man.

But I was.

But I won't let anything happen to you or Harlan.

But I'd have to see him

But I'm a stickler for a pesky little thing called evidence

But I'm ready.

But if for some reason I did,

But if they're all sucking ceiling right now, why hasn't she stopped?

But if we know something changes the timeline, we have to make it right.

But if you had, would I even know?

But in the year 2019, in order to avoid the apocalypse,

But it ain't natural.

But it has to be the right kind of attention.

But it's in the struggle that folks find out their true calling.

But it's not.

But just don't look, because I'm shy.

But Luther, you're not alone.

But my time here has changed me.

But not alone.

But not everybody has a mess of hooves just lying around.

But nothing beats a schvitz when it comes to stress.

But now, I know the correct calculation.

But once every fiscal quarter, they get together for a board meeting.

But once I'm in charge...

But remember this:

But remember, doomsday's right around the corner,

But right now, our priority is finding Dad and getting answers,

But she's not our biological sister...

But speaks Russian,

But still wanting to touch... everything.

But that day in London, she was there.

But that doesn't happen for another 60 years.

But that's not scripture.

But the frog's like, "Well, what's in it for me?"

But the guy it belonged to didn't end the world. Vanya did.

But the last time he jumped

But the president is dead.

But the president, the First Lady,

But the real kick in the pants here

But there's a light, and they told me to walk into it.

But these guys are not to be trifled with. Oh...

But they don't get the art and science of the thing.

But we don't know who or what sets doomsday in motion.

But we had 20 good years together. I guess forever just wasn't in the cards.

But we have to act.

But we have to risk everything to save everything.

But what about Five?

But what choice do we got, Luther?

But what if he lied?

But whatever he wanted us to see, it's on this film.

But you are not getting in this body.

But you can run back to your masters at CIA or KGB

But you can't pretend it doesn't exist.

But you didn't, and so I didn't,

But you don't own this building, now, do you?

But you have to go.

But you have, on numerous occasions, called me...

But you know where it's gonna be, don't you?

But your scriptures say,

But your terrible attitude's ruined that.

But, basically, yeah.

But, Reginald Hargreeves...

But, uh...

But, unfortunately, they're family, so you're shit out of luck.

But, until then,

But, yeah, it's been a wild run.

But...

But...

But... but it's all true, yeah?

By a very unique character claiming to be my brother in law.

By the stage.

By the time I'm back.

By the way, your ex girlfriend can blink like Five.

Bye. [grunts]

Call it what you want,

Call security!

Called me old fashioned,

Called us the Umbrella Academy.

Can I count on you to keep him under control?

Can I smell your hair?

Can I...

Can we go somewhere?

Can you believe this?

Can you develop this?

Can you develop this?

Can you get Vanya without, uh, squeezing her to death?

Can you hug me as I go?

Can't believe I never saw it.

Can't exactly drop that stuff off at the neighborhood Fotomat.

Can't have my number one guy moping around like some sad puppy.

Can't let 'em win.

Can't you read, girl?

Cancer.

Care to explain?

Careful, now, or you are going to tire yourself out.

Carl means well,

Carl needs a ride home. [sighs]

Carl, stop.

Carl, watch your language around Harlan.

Carl's a fine man, a good man, but...

Carl's back early.

Carry on.

Change is comin', baby. I can feel it.

Check, please.

Chestnut, Raymond Chestnut.

Chestnut?

Children."

Christ, even the janitors think it's going to shit.

CIA? FBI. KGB?

Clean.

Clearly, it's not.

Clyde here can melt it down,

Coffee, black.

Cognac?

Colored folks can't try on the merchandise,

Come here, darling.

Come on, breathe.

Come on, can he really be that bad?

Come on, give me a name.

Come on, I'm just buttering him up, honey.

Come on, Luther!

Come on, man!

Come on, on your feet.

Come on, sweetie. We'll be late for the parade.

Come on, that's crazy.

Come on, we gotta go.

Come on, we'll take my car.

Come on, who's next?

Come on! Come on!

Come on! You can finish him!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. What are you waiting for? Let's finish this thing.

Come on. You missed O 72.

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Come to what, Five?

Come to what?

Come with me.

Come, come.

Commission muscle. Triplets. Like Huey, Dewey, and Louie,

Commission...

Complex, emotional, hard to please.

Congrats, Herbie. That's huge.

Congratulations.

Conned your way into the Mexican consulate,

Cool if I join you?

Correct.

Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent.

Could have a... a chance to enjoy this ambrosia.

Could you ever imagine bein' that elegant?

Could you just moan a little softer? My head is killing me.

Could you tell me what year this is,

Cousins on my robot mother's side.

Cuckoo.

Curious, how many more rock bottoms are you gonna have to hit

Dad couldn't handle your anger.

Dad is gonna play all his little mind games on us,

Dad is on the grassy knoll, Klaus is...

Dad is the ringleader of a sinister cabal

Dad never told us the whole truth about anything.

Dad should've left him on the moon.

Dad treated you like a bomb before you ever were one.

Dad was no Boy Scout, but presidential assassination?

Dad was right. We should've done more. This didn't have to happen.

Dad?

Dad's clearly in Dallas, right? Let's just go talk to him.

Daddy took us there once a year

Daddy's home.

Dallas is a big place.

Dallas Law Enforcement has not been supportive of my attempt

Dallas police! Hands in the air!

Dallas. November 22, 1963.

Damn it!

Damn it.

Damn it.

Darling, blood is thicker than water, but...

Darling, I'm gonna need you to be a titch more clever about this.

Darling.

Dave, if you enlist, they're gonna send you out to Vietnam.

Dave! Dave!

Dave?

Dave? Dave, come back.

Dave.

David?

Dead, like everyone else.

Dead, yes, but I'm here. Klaus!

Deal.

Denial is stage one.

Depends how hard they make me work

Desperately clinging to his own ineffectual reasoning.

Destiny's Children!

Devastated the whole area.

Did I do something?

Did we all get sexier?

Did what again?

Did you and Vanya have fun today, Harlan?

Did you bring me what I asked for?

Did you cut yourself shaving?

Did you enjoy the show, you little flotsam?

Did you even hear me, Luther?

Did you just deliberately shut this door on my foot, boy?

Did you miss me, you little shit?

Did you see the paper today?

Did you set me up?

Did you use it on me?

Didn't have to fight a giant sea monster, no.

Diego and I have been trying to talk to Dad about what exactly this means.

Diego commandeered the Infinite Switchboard,

Diego doesn't know what Five did.

Diego, calm down, all right?

Diego, I... I...

Diego, if this was the federal government,

Diego, Jesus!

Diego, last time I started seeing things, they put me away.

Diego, put the knife away, you idiot. She's fine.

Diego, try not to do anything too stupid.

Diego, we have a chance to go home and make things right. We are taking it.

Diego, we need to go.

Diego, you've been awfully quiet this morning.

Diego!

Diego!

Diego!

Diego!

Diego!

Diego! Allison!

Diego.

Diego.

Diego.

Diego's knife.

Difference is...

Dinner?

Do this.

Do we have a problem here?

Do we know you?

Do we need to talk?

Do you believe there are things in this universe

Do you even love me?

Do you have a problem with that?

Do you have another angle on the FBI building?

Do you have any ID that could attest to that?

Do you have any leads, Five?

Do you hear us? We don't want you here. Come on!

Do you know how hard it is to trust people

Do you know what it's like...

Do you know where he is?

Do you like jazz, Five?

Do you need a pillow or...

Do you really think Five's the best assassin

Do you remember me?

Do you understand me?

Do you wanna tell me why I'm here?

Do you want to leave a message for Allison?

Do you...

Do... Do you admit that you're suffering from paradox psychosis?

Doc said it would take time. You can't rush it.

Does everything in this family have to be a discussion?

Does it matter?

Does it really matter now?

Does this belong to you?

Does your way include decapitation?

Doesn't feel so good, does it?

Doesn't make us crazy.

Doing something weird and pervy but probably related.

Don't be late. [sighs]

Don't be such a tight ass.

Don't be too sure of that, Reg.

Don't even think about it.

Don't ever say I never did nothing for you,

Don't go chasing waterfalls.

Don't hurt the little one with

Don't hurt the timeline.

Don't I?

Don't like what you see?