Lazor Wulf (2019) - Season 2 Edit

A bona fide classic.

A dum dum actually succeeding

A film that was inspired by my

A frown in the clurb is like a fart in the wind.

A good thing can last.

A ha! [ barks ]

A haunted plant store.

A sign of any successful business

A supposed guiding light of "truth,"

Aaand time for the show!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! [ groans ]

Abandon ship, my dudes.

About 10 minutes ago.

About a "pyramid job selling forks," you know.

About him ever again!

About lazor? Nah, he's good.

Action jackson is a documentary.

Actually, I'm on my way back to jowanne fabric.

Actually, stupid horse,

After centuries of isolation,

After this quick news update,

Again.

Again.

Again.

Agreed.

Ah, mm, yeah. Oh, baby.

Ah, the classic stunt double trick.

Ah, there's exactly.

Ah!

Ah! Hey, watch your mouth.

Ah! Jamantha. My money.

Ah! That's what matters, he says.

Ah. Just in time.

Ahem. One could say that

Ahh! Your job is to hang out with me!

Ai is supposed to know what's going on.

Aight.

Ain't no such thing as a free coffee.

Ain't nobody ducking shit.

All bike and bike related business in town,

All I know is somebody better give me a job application,

All of this over spilled milk?

All of y'all can get the [bshh] gone.

All of y'all dum dums have 3 seconds to disperse.

All right, all right.

All right, boys, I'll have your friend out in no time.

All thanks to me.

All the secrets?

All the way through, so that ain't working.

All: Shh!

All: Shh!

All: Success.

All: What?

Almost like a hologram concert.

Alright, good talk, gang.

Alright, lazor, let's win this.

Alright, let's take someone's money.

Alright, thanks for y'all help.

Also, define "legal."

Also, here's your coffee.

Also, that's a terrible idea.

Also, the name? Thatcloud? Brilliant.

Also, you don't own the dude.

Am I gonna need a lemon or a lime?

Amazing!

Amazing.

An example out of us.

An important episode we can't miss!

An interesting stop during a high speed chase.

And "action jackson" is a damn movie!

And a dvd player!

And all I see are clouds.

And all of the food is gone?

And all the [bshh] that feels like actual work.

And as for me, I'm trying to solve this cubriks rube.

And attacked my amazing character.

And bathrooms. [ toilet flushes ]

And can I get 200 yards of you going back to milwaukee?

And ding dong, he not even dead.

And end the shame that infiniti wulf casted on this family!

And established my brand.

And everything is nothing.

And get some land up here.

And get that unemployment check

And I demand back rent immediately,

And I did, so mission accomplished.

And I don't care.

And I don't mean birthday celebrations, okay?

And I hope you rot! [ growls ]

And I need to call my mom to come scoop me up.

And I still need to go buy a new tv.

And I still want you to leave.

And I think I might've figured out

And I want to know what silk feels like.

And I, carl weathers, am being harassed...

And if he shows up again,

And into thee realm of tarnation.

And it leads straight to m o...Kay.

And it seems rock beats scissors.

And its massive influence on strongburg.

And let's do this, dum dum.

And let's not forget that battle ham also produced

And lying on my dead homie's name,

And make a left, walk for 10 more minutes

And maybe frasier crane sometimes.

And my name is not action jackson!

And neither does hey, boss.

And now a message from our sponsors.

And now for the moment we

And now that I own the rights, it'll strictly be pay to play.

And on your desk and some on your floor and also my shirt.

And once I find the edge of this thing,

And one can't just simply work at jowanne's.

And people who never played outside.

And save it from televised obscurity.

And saw him head to this chest

And second, how are you not action jackson?

And shouting negates that.

And somehow I can't get a damn nomination

And that was the last time you actually won anything.

And that's got to be great for your business.

And that's what matters.

And that's why healthcare is free here in strongburg,

And the hospital is completely out.

And the weak ass clips.

And then we going to our favorite round table,

And then what happened?

And then you ignored my cries for justice.

And there was only one way to do that...

And there's still time to add in any last minute changes.

And they all believed him!

And they did nothing to stop it!

And this has been "jammin with jamantha."

And try not to look like an asshole.

And we all know who y'all got to thank for introducing

And we are here to get strongburg renamed to...

And we are on in five, four, three, uh, two...

And we will be meeting at strongburg square

And we're back.

And welcome to jowanne's, and also my first day at work.

And what time was that?

And would love it if

And y'all know when I go on a diet...

And yet, I find myself back here again.

And you don't have to ever bother me

And you got to live with that.

And you know I couldn't let that slide.

And you'll see a door.

And you're not even paying them.

And your business acumen is on another level.

And, you, people eat here

Announcer: "jammin' with jamantha" is brought to you by...

Answer the question, lamont.

Anyone seen where battle ham went?

Anyway, get canon wulf's hands for the low price of $19.99,

Anyways, anyone heard from lazor?

Anyways, you hungry?

Are we done?

Are you [bshh] kidding right now?

Are you insane?

Are you outta anesthesia to knock spinnas out

Are you saying I need to go on a diet?

Are you seriously gonna ignore me?

Are you two #frontinforlikes?

Are you, now?

As I said, I'm not a doctor.

As it says "presented by: Lamont brickwater."

As proud as a bouncing billionaire baby

As you purported, I can agree

As you should.

Asshole.

At least we're number one in something?

Audience: Uh, yay!

Audience: Yay! I will perform this trick

Auto saved passwords, am I right?

Aw, what's wrong, homey?

Awesome! So no one's dead.

Aww! That loss is technically

Awww, my raisin soup.

Bad idea.

Battle ham is more than food.

Battle ham is the greatest friend

Battle ham taught me how to load my first gat.

Battle ham, and florence, everyone.

Battle ham! Battle ham!

Battle ham?

Be.

Beating out milwaukee and heaven!

Because wait.

Because I am one of the qualified.

Because I slaughtered all my competition

Because I'm not only the best rapper...

Because they smuggle two of every single thing

Bees are starving for affection and companionship.

Before we proceed with the bidding, king yeti

Before y'all got here.

Being a greeter is important.

Best two out of three.

Bet you hungry as hell.

Between the north and south.

Bike today is hold up.

Bitch, don't make me tell you again.

Blazor wulf: [ sighs ] just make it quick.

Blazor wulf: And we're back.

Blazor wulf: Hey, could y'all stop howling?

Blazor wulf: Jamantha! Where is my

Blazor wulf: Oh, so, you willing to talk money now?!

Blazor wulf: What's goin' on over there?

Blazor, can you help this dickhead prove

Bless you, patricia. Bless you.

Blinding us to the truths and freedoms of the world?

Bom bom!

Both blindfold and then backwards.

Boy, don't nobody like a snitch.

Boy, you just got yourself a promotion.

Boys, I have bad news.

Break!

Breakdancing in a church full of snakes.

Brr! I demand to speak to a manager right now.

Bruh, stop throwing sandwiches into the creek.

Bull[bleep] wallace! You ain't seen shit coming!

Businesses.

But [bshh] that! I've never paid for milk!

But all this branding talk has got me thinking.

But are we done with it?

But as far as I'm concerned, when you're playing dress up,

But as you can see, I used the doorbell today.

But at strongburg creek, you catch them with sandwiches.

But at this point, I think it's safe to say

But for him, it's heaven.

But he's never had trouble funding these large scale films.

But I am still looking to speak with the master.

But I don't do work. [ bray ]

But I just ordered a new furnacé tracksuit for it.

But I say do what you gotta do, my dude.

But I think we're dealing with...

But I, uh I...

But I'll make it four stories instead of five.

But I'm not really tryna fight a child.

But it's my spin. This is some bullsh

But most likely a purveyor of bullshit.

But my real goal was to prove

But now, seeing your smiling faces, I feel so

But only if we move from strongburg

But pyramids are pretty foul.

But seeing you work is bringing me pleasure.

But shout out to the homie battle ham

But you better change your [bssh] attitude.

But you more like the body

But you must come alone.

But you were the prodigal child!

But, lazor, I want to hellllll

But, um...What about our shift at the delicadanci?

Buzz off, you dump dum.

By handing my smallest annoyance

Cakes? Smithereens?

Came in here and spilled the youth's milk?

Can I at least burn the store down?

Can I get 200 yards of this fine silkity silk?

Can I help you?

Can we go already?

Can we play already?

Can you look up hello?

Can't get nothing going right. Just my life, just...

Can't you see I'm hungry?

Canon wulf is about to be as dead as my dead dead beat dad.

Canon wulf, can you keep it down?

Canon wulf: Change the channel!

Canon wulf: Restore our family's honor!

Canon wulf: That's enough!

Canon wulf: This suuuuuucccckkkks!

Canon wulf...Up.

Canon, what the [bssh] is this?

Canon, what's good, my dude?

Canon: Then I ran up on them fools with the quickness!

Canon. You're right!

Captain, I hate to bring this to you so close to dawn,

Car sticker? Hell yes.

Carl weathers,

Carl weathers, bitch!

Carl weathers?

Carl weathers? I don't know.

Carl weathers? I thought you were bugging action jackson?

Cashmere! [ gasps ]

Celebrating a lost soul the only way one should,

Check out my dutty wine.

Check out my new fingees!

Clothes for assholes.

Come on, girls. Let's go make some money.

Coming up in a couple minutes

Congratulations. You got red.

Consider it an early and last birthday present.

Cool tone.

Cool, cool, cool.

Cosmetic he wanted done while he was under the knife.

Could we take a commercial break?

Could you grab me a coffee on the way back?

Cut!

Damn right.

Damn, blazor, really? Look.

Damn, lamont.

Damn.

Decaf, right?

Dem's da rules.

Deryll it's deryll, right?

Did I just get... Shit ted on?

Did I say "pee"?

Did this fool really put himself in a bubble?

Did y'all blow up another esther's?

Did you or do you remember shooting my...

Did you just call yourself in vain?

Did you know how many cakes god has smashed to smithereens?

Did you receive my lamont brickwater approved

Do it, and I'll give you your money, I promise.

Do we not have security here?

Do you even remember what stupid horse looks like?

Do you hate me that much?

Do you mean "the powers that be"?

Do you really need any more mozzarella sticks?

Do you see me?

Do you see that?

Documentary films in strongburg.

Does it make sense that same wolf

Does this place smell like the hottest of garbáge?

Doesn't develop throughout the show.

Don't break shit, don't steal [bshh] and go away.

Don't even ask how he got the deed.

Don't make me rap.

Don't play with me today.

Don't step on my line!

Don't talk to me.

Don't try do.

Don't worry, lazor.

Don't you see the sign?!

Done. Time for my first break.

Dude is a legit loser.

Dude loved tanks... And heated toilet seats.

Dude must have hit his head or something.

Dude, no, I haven't.

Dude, you left me ou never mind.

Dun daaah!

Eh, I'll need a second to consider this,

Employee of the month again.

Enough with the slick [bshh], jamantha.

Esther? What are you doing here?

Esther's your only option.

Esther's is the best ther's.

Even think to apply to jowanne's.

Every lame has their day. Ooh!

Exactly y y y y y y y y.

Exactly!

Exactly.

Exactly. What are you talking about?

Excuse me, but who are you?

Excuse me, king yeti. May I have a word?

Excuse me. Pardon me. Move, bitch.

Facts? Here' a fact.

Fair point. But I don't have money.

Fair point. Eh.

Father! [ sobs ]

Father's day is coming up, right?

Fight a killer that leaves no trace?

Fine with me, shit whiskers.

Fine. I'll deal.

First and foremost, digging the space.

First of all, don't insult me by calling me god,

Five!

Five?!

Folks can go get their own dead friends to mourn.

Folks don't care about no hostage situation.

Folks were living in the damn dark ages before that.

Folks, let's get into it!

For all his contributions to our modern society.

For an omnipotent being,

For any damn news awards?

For doing the sh a thank you is most appropriated.

For nothing.

For real?

For real? Yes!

For real.

For real. You ain't really clurbed

For the murder of lazor wulf.

For the rest of your life...

For three years, the drinking water

For when you have to pee pee.

For your own show! Stop stalling

Forehead too big.

Forest whitaker forest, has to go, and so do you.

Frasier crane is extremely buns, good sir.

Freestyle?

From her dead ass, dead beat dad, duh.

Gargantuan.

Gas for tanks ain't cheap.

Get filled with farts, lazor wulf.

Get ready to hold this l.

Get the [bshh] out of my cloud.

Get your asses there pronto.

Get your nosy ass outta my business!

Girls day. My treat.

Give me something to eat now.

Give up, you stone colored shit fox.

Gladys! Take my away!

Go away, I'm asleep.

Go in there and buy a plant,

God bless, but it couldn't be me.

God damn it, wallace! They finding all my shit!

God damn it, webb!

God damn it! Another stupid...

God damn!

God: [ laughs ] right on brand.

God: I got "blu bloods" to watch.

God: I won this from your great,

God: Shut up, wallace!

God: Wallace, what is this minty drink?

Goddammit.

Goddamn it, this game is fixed!

Gone?

Goo punch!

Goo punch! Everybody!

Good morning and welcome to "strong talk".

Good.

Good. Could you grab me a coffee on the way back?

Gotcha!

Gotta fix this sorry mother...Mistake.

Gotta go. You know I got to make my time, girl.

Great, great, great, great, great, great, great...

Great, great, great, great...

Ha ha ha.

Ham! Battle ham! Battle ham!

Hanging out with god.

Happens all of the time.

Has done something to action jackson.

Has haunted this family. I mean, this ain't no typical

Hate to admit this, but,

Haunted plants? That's not even scary.

Have at it, my dude.

Have you checked the delicadanci?

Have you ever thought about investing in the film industry?

He better not, though.

He can't flip the square footage if he ain't got it.

He could be at least 15 minutes away from here by now.

He did exist and I figured the only way

He grown. It's fine. Now hush.

He has me cook the books and laundry the monies.

He will die if we don't get anesthesia.

He wouldn't leave me alone!

He'll be here to talk about his new film,

He's going to "strong talk".

He's here? Hm, nice.

He's just doing inventory at musty's,

He's not here he's gone,

He's still the easiest one to possess.

Hell no!

Hell no.

Hell no.

Hell yeah!

Hello, gang.

Hello, little terrorist I mean, child.

Hello, mr. Action jackson!

Hello, mr. Action jackson. Aaaahhh!

Hello, my delicadancers!

Hello, strongburg!

Hello!

Hello?

Hello? Can someone give me the [bshh] news report?

Hello. Are you the master? Question mark.

Hellur?

Her language is so dramatic.

Here is where we store all the secrets of the universe.

Hey, action!

Hey, asshat! Tell me where canon wulf is!

Hey, blazor, is now a good time to

Hey, fans! It's me, your girl,

Hey, gerald.

Hey, guys, I think I might need some...

Hey, hey, hey, hey! I am qualified, okay?

Hey, homies.

Hey, I'm sorry about tossing you like a dirty rag,

Hey, kinny.

Hey, lazor. You here for yeti's show too, huh?

Hey, man, where's the bathroom?

Hey, vips. Y'all in the mood for

Hey, what's going on over there? Sharlipa: I have all the...

Hey, you know you [bshh] so hard

Hey, you mind if I use your phone?

Hey, you should learn to not appear

Hey. Yeah, that was me.

Hey. You guys gotta stop fighting.

Hi, everyone. [ all screaming ]

Hi. I'm stupid horse.

Hi. Would it be possible to speak

Hit up the zoning commission.

Hm.

Hmm, it isn't.

Hmm!

Hmm! You not going nowhere, my dude.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Don't think I have.

Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Right.

Hmm. That can't be good.

Hmm...

Hmm...

Hol' hol' up. What about my sh

Hol' up, y'all! We not done just yet!

Hola, dickheads.

Hold him still, king yeti!

Hold up. Someone is dead!

Holy [bshh]

Holy shit! Ho ly shit!

Homegirl moves into my hood, chops down my trees,

Homey probably got married and chilled the [bshh] out.

Homey, this is $37.

Homie is convinced that this dude, carl weathers,

Homie needs to get some friends.

Hoo hoo! Gettin' all worked up.

How about a horse?

How about a truce?

How adorable.

How are they supposed to make our lives better?

How can I kill someone who doesn't exist?

How can you have four feet and none of 'em work good?

How come they're always wrong?

How did stupid horse break his ankles?

How did we get here?

How did you even

How did you even get the deed to this place?

How do you get out of here?

How do you lose before we even start?

How does a wolf with a laser on his back make sense?

How does that even work?

How many cakes? What do you mean?

How the hell did y'all rack up a $700 bill?

How to get out of heaven.

How we talking about tanks when battle ham

How were you so confident you would win?

How you don't got ondemand?

How you gonna suggest a password to me and you're wrong?

Hug them tight!

Hug these bees!

Huh? Aaah! Aaah!

Huh? Huh?

Huh.

Hurry up, wallace! This is supposed to be

I [bshh] hate lamont brickwater! [ lightning zapping ]

I ain't tryna lose this story.

I already got what I was looking for.

I already know that, you backwards fart.

I already paid you, wench!

I already told you, dum dum.

I also can does this, too.

I also get to choose the game,

I also wrote a song that ♪ I'd love to sing ♪

I am gonna take my ladies for a massage and green juices,

I am just an everyday spirit.

I am no longer selling my bike.

I am not sending them back.

I am officially involved

I am sharlipa, and welcome to thatcloud.

I am so freaking hungry.

I am so sorry that...

I am still looking for the master of this establishment.

I am the potential bathroom manage

I am... [clears throat]

I apologize in advance for losing my temper.

I arrived here in an escape van.

I bought a [bssh] tank.

I can barely control my powers in this.

I can see it now.

I can touch this, and this, and that!

I can try my best.

I can't even sleep.

I can't get fired, and king yeti's gonna lose his bike.

I can't promise you that.

I can't stress enough how that one loss

I can't, not with bh gone.

I can't.

I challenge you... To a fight.

I could prove it was by finding his body.

I could really use a little r&r.

I detect a bit of smokiness with hints of cherry and lavender.

I did it. Patricia!

I didn't want to be rude, so I just kept sittin'.

I disrespect milk on the regular.

I do have other films,

I do not endorse this. [ coughs ]

I do not have enough free health benefits for this.

I don't care what anyone says.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I don't deserve to be bothered like this on a weekly basis!

I don't even have time to have lunch.

I don't even know what that means,

I don't feel you.

I don't get no [bshh] respect in strongburg.

I don't know how many times I have to say this,

I don't know if I want your help.

I don't know if I'll never again feel a pain such as this.

I don't know what's right. That's why I have auto save on.

I don't know who you're talking about!

I don't usually thank folks, but

I don't want to rap.

I dropped my cup of blood!

I dunno, I kinda saw that coming.

I feel at peace here.

I feel so alone.

I finally have some control over this jack of asses.

I followed behind, saw him go to the basement,

I forgot to ask mr. Horse if there was anything

I get it. It's hard to recognize me with my new look.

I give all praise to my wonderful accountant.

I got to be your business partner.

I got two free cups of coffee out of the deal.

I got us tickets to a taping of "strong talk."

I got your texts and dms and mentions.

I gotta find the right hat!

I guess folks weren't into the idea of

I guess some things never change.

I had to make carl believe that he killed me too.

I had to! He left me no choice!

I have a question. What?

I have all the secrets, and it's squat city,

I have all the secrets.

I have ever [bssh] had.

I have headphones on. I can't hear you.

I have more words to say.

I have no idea.

I have procured this vessel to deliver my message.

I have returned to find the perfect vessel

I hear you, but let's be our most honest selves right now.

I heard somebody talking shit.

I hope we're not too late.

I I can take it off!

I just came up with that.

I just can't.

I just don't know.

I just love feeling things with my new fingees!

I just want to ask you one question.

I just wanted to be left alone!

I just wanted to personally thank you

I kept I kept telling him I wasn't action jackson!

I knew you killed action jackson and I told you

I knew you weren't right!

I know everything about everyone, okay?

I know now's not the right time, but...

I know what I must does.

I know where canon is. Well, where is he?

I know who you are!

I know you duckin' me, bitch! [ laughter ]

I know you ducking me, jamantha.

I know you hear me!

I like driving things home, lamont.

I lost my composure.

I love it!

I love it.

I love my hands.

I love the attention!

I made up that whole story. I just wanted some attention.

I mean just that!

I mean, at the end of the day, she's a child.

I mean, honestly, he broke them three times in season one,

I mean, I mean, put my damn plants down.

I mean, I'm not dead yet, but y'know.

I mean, it changed the way everyone in strongburg fished!

I mean, it's legal now, so if I had to guess,

I mean, it's something, but it's not everything.

I might have spilled some on your couch

I might just be able to help you out.

I miss my belt!

I miss pops.

I need to find him before he gets to "strong talk."

I need to get fired now.

I own you now, and you caused 30 million in damage

I personally love corned beef.

I plan on procuring my foliage elsewhere.

I really hate when people do [bshh] like that.

I regret nothing!

I say if we all got to live here,

I say that sounds like a bunch of horse sh

I see that long back and that flat tea tummy.

I should have done this from the beginning.

I should kick your ass.

I stand by what I said.

I suggest you call all your homies.

I think homey should get new teeth.

I think I'm gonna go open my own hair salon with my bonus money.

I think I'm really far from home,

I think it's funny and king yeti's friendship

I think you mean documentary?

I thought I locked the door!

I thought if I just got rid of jackson...

I thought you cared about giving the world the facts?

I told you to leave,

I told you. I don't know.

I used to beat the crap out of cody in street fighter

I used to work at jowanne's.

I want need revenge.

I want to get to him before he gets to "strong "

I was asleep throughout most of this,

I was going to bring you to justice.

I was having so much fun.

I was just thinking about how big of a loser you are.

I was telling y'all about fell through,

I was wond

I was. And the day before that!

I wouldn't be a deity if I wasn't stubborn.

I wrapped my hands around their necks and I squoze

I, lazor wulf, am not okay with this.

I, too, echo your sentiments.

I... [ squeak! Squeak! ]

I... I just wanted peace!

I... Need you to pay up.

I'd appreciate it if you'd leave.

I'll be back in 45 minutes.

I'll do just fine in jail.

I'll hand you your ass and return home a winner.

I'll have something for him this time.

I'll just get this done myself.

I'll just jump and hope for the best.

I'm a forest spirit. That's what I does.

I'm a grabber of opportunities.

I'm a see if I can buy this up real quick.

I'm about to get fired in record time.

I'm about to ruin this mother[bshh] so bad

I'm almost done with this cup.

I'm blazor wulf, and with me, jamantha,

I'm busting my ass trying to get this story [bshh].

I'm canon wulf.

I'm definitely leveling the [bshh] up with this [bshh].

I'm down as long as stupid horse don't get to play.

I'm going to get my biggest w

I'm going to try the wolf vessel again.

I'm gonna be on

I'm good.

I'm good. Fighting is archaic.

I'm having nightmares where I got to freestyle for my food.

I'm here at strongburg creek,

I'm hilarious.

I'm hungry, goddammit.

I'm jamantha carthwright. Man: Lamont!

I'm just glad you ain't selling the bike.

I'm just in a rush to get back home

I'm just looking to get hired then fired

I'm just tryin' to not do [bshh] in peace.

I'm just trying to talk to you about some acreage.

I'm looking to procure some property up here.