Love, Death & Robots - Season 1 Edit

A crude little machine with barely enough intelligence to steer itself.

A lifelong reminder of that day.

A magic we could use against them.

A Major.

A man can fall in love with a huli jing just like he can with a human woman.

A mistake in my work? No way.

A repair facility?

A ship surviving when all her crew dies is unusual, but twice?

A small group.

A society of rats rises, evolves, becomes a perfect democracy...

A year ago,

Aargh! Help me!

About time you got here! What the fuck, bitch?

Affinity link is booted, Sonnie.

Afraid not, honey.

After five years, I knew the grinding of the gears and the rumbling of the pistons

Again...

Ah, crap! Goddammit.

Ah, shut your grease trap. I got this.

Ah!

Ah!

Ahhh!

Ain't that right, Otto?

Alex, you idiot.

All I have is my beauty.

All manner of crap stickin' out of it.

All of this was water, full of fantastical creatures.

All remaining units into Thirteen, now!

All right, I'll get on the horn.

All right, I'm on it!

All right, Jake, go reload. We'll cover you.

All right, mein bots, this is the last stop of the tour,

All right, Thom.

All that moaning and crying,

All the time.

All the time.

All the way back to the last station?

Allowing the rise of a peaceful squid civilization.

Almost.

Always scrounging for food.

Amazing.

America's leading Alternative History Research App.

An operation focused on exploring arcane peasant myths.

And a brain large enough to process the visual data

And alive.

And also because at one point,  they genetically engineered their cats

And as I do, I will slowly shut down my higher brain functions...

And by stages, it became more aware.

And certainly not for your fucking money.

And destroys all life in the uni

And feasts on their entrails.

And for a long time, it was nothing but sea.

And gave the yogurt supreme executive power.

And get the bunker open. Start bringing families in.

And got a century long lease on Ohio

And grafted it onto Lactobacillus delbrueckii,

And harder still to remember what I once was.

And has to be pumped out by the same motor that produced it.

And he wanted the ultimate machine to serve that twisted desire.

And I don't lose.

And I'll be able to get out of here while it's eating you.

And I've got a smidge of C4, if it helps.

And isn't this a fine fucking mess?

And it keeps me alive.

And it wasn't just a fling.

And it's an absolutely riveting tale, Mr. Dvorchack,

And just before dawn, when the weather's cooler,

And just who... or what... are you?

And may I say, the pièce of resistance.

And now?

And since I ain't got no lightning, I tend just to keep it real simple, like.

And since you'll be stuck with me for a few weeks,

And so he ventured forth to commune with the cosmos.

And some new high falutin' sanitation law don't mean shit to me, Mr. City Inspector.

And Sui's brains, well, they don't take too much space on the old hard drive.

And the good book says, "A man's home is his castle

And the memory of this has been burned into my circuits forever

And the sooner we're gone, the better.

And then swing by Old Man Harrison.

And then the paste would be forced into an internal vat of acid.

And then they wouldn't need the rocky pegs. I mean, duh!

And then what? Somebody help me out here.

And there is a station here. It's just...

And they call me crazy?

And this station, this whole place, is a simulation being fed to you.

And those type 28s are coming around again.

And time traveling Nazis sent back to prevent his assassination...

And we're plugging anything that comes down that hill on four legs!

And what did humans do with these things?

And what does this swimming pool have to do with that?

And what he did next was, for many, too extreme a sacrifice to make for art.

And what makes you so special?

And whatever it ate became a part of it.

And when they was done using her,

And whosoevereth trespasses shall be struck down with fire and lightning."

And with every iteration, it became more alive.

And witness virtual simulations of how history would change.

And you must be punished.

And you still want Otto and me gone when I'm done,

And you want me to calm down?

And you?

Angry little girl, out for revenge.

Another to see your grandfather heaving its hard drives in front of you.

Any deviation will bring complete economic ruin.

Any minute now, the whole damn valley's gonna be DeeBee central.

Any. Human. Is.

Anyway, what's the state of play with our ordinance, Gary?

Apparently, there's no point. They just had them.

Appreciate the company, Bill.

Aquila Rift is just beyond.

Are included on this welcome demo.

Are those flying cars?

Are we done?

Are you happy keeping their engines running?

Are you listening to me?

Are you serious?

Are... you... ready?

Argh! Ugh!

Arkangel Dispatch. This is Blue Goose.

Arthur, their appearance fee.

As I said, I am no expert,

As it changed, I changed with it.

As many times as it takes.

As quick as possible.

As the years passed,

As well as I knew my own heartbeat.

At last, I understand the thing I sought through my art.

Attaboy!

Attacked last night. Then headed back the way they came.

Austria becomes automotive industrial powerhouse.

AWACS tracking two T 28 stealth fighters in your AO, running dark.

Aye aye, sir.

Bad ball. Think about what you've done.

Bearing 180 on your position.

Became more...

Because our next dancer is here.

Because that thing is between us and the only way out.

Before the first trains roared through the village.

Before very long, Zima unveiled the first of his entirely blue murals.

Behind us!

Behind you!

Best thing we can do is put her into her tank until we sort things out.

Beth Graves just called.

Beth, whatever you're gonna do...

Beth, who else is coming?

Better get movin'.

Between time traveling anti Nazis sent to back to kill him

Bewitched?

Bob always makes a full backup of our brains before each mission.

Boo!

Boris Grishin.

Bouncing things was close to maxing out their cognitive range.

Brutal beasties in a bout to the death!

But a part of me was relieved he died when he did,

But before they gave her to me, she'd lost two crews.

But fame was never the point.

But for Zima, the human form was too small a subject.

But he seemed a gentleman.

But I am telling you, boy.

But I can actually feel myself getting septic shock sitting here.

But I could also be terrible.

But I could make a new magic from their machines.

But I got things under control.

But I'll never be like you.

But I'm still breathing.

But if the noise ever stops, it's gonna explode on you.

But if you call us dog soldiers again...

But it ain't what gives me my edge.

But it wanted payment for that.

But it was my world.

But it's still my fuckin' country.

But me and my buddy Otto like it here just fine.

But several hundred years have passed back home.

But she was especially fond of the one she'd created to clean her swimming pool.

But some people have a hard time with the truth.

But somebody'll come along and give us a lift.

But that night, the gang, the...

But the major thinks we can cover more area this way.

But the young woman wasn't satisfied with the job it did.

But they ain't here yet.

But those estate fucks had broken my skull.

But understand this:

But we were forbidden to stay.

But what Zima eventually realized

But you don't see me crying in a corner.

But you're a man with machine parts, not a machine that thinks it's a man.

But Zima was just getting started.

But, always, the shade of blue was the same.

But, hey, at least there's a friendly face here.

But, no, wait. It's the building right in front.

But, when we weren't laughing about the absurdity of it all,

C'mon, you fuck!

Call came in about intruders inside the fire base perimeter,

Call Deb and Sarah, pick 'em up on your way.

Can I help you?

Can I tell you a secret?

Can you believe the landlord left that funky refrigerator in here?

Can you imagine that kind of pain,

Can you play?

Can you translate?

Carnigore's built for precision,  not speed.

Carved into her skin?

Check this out.

Cheka.

Chief Warrant Officer Jack Lee, ma'am. Call sign "Jacko".

City Inspector.

Claws and blood, baby.

Come on, baby. Oh, no...

Come on, Beth.

Come on, fuck nuts. You want to laugh at me? Go ahead.

Come on, girl. Just get us through this.

Come on, here. Try.

Come on, Jake, she ain't never gonna be perfect.

Come on, kid. Get out of the way!

Come on, Suzy. Take care of Ray.

Come on, you bastard!

Come on, you fuckers!

Come on! Fuck!

Come on! That's cold, dude.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on...

Commonly used to ferment yogurt.

Comrades, we stand here.

Contact!

Copy that! Countdown to mayhem.

Cursory historical research shows

Cut the shit, Gary.

Cutter, Colby. Good to meet you.

Damn it!

Damn! We only looked away, like, ten minutes.

Damned if I know! It's eyes everywhere!

Darlene. Jesus, I've been trying to tran you all night.

Dead as our sales were last week.

Deader.

Death scenario number five.

Death scenario number four.

Death scenario number one.

Death scenario number six.

Death scenario number three.

Death scenario number two.

Decades have gone by.

Destroy this fucker's CPU.

Detecting active radar emissions from two T 28s,

Dicko believes that shit...

Dicko?

Did we make it back?

Did you happen to check the water back in Phoenix like I asked?

Did you know that millions of years ago, this desert was a sea bottom?

Did you say thousands? Shit!

Die!

Different.

Do it, Hawk!

Do not speak to that human! You know how dangerous they are.

Do try to at least act excited.

Do you have an off button?

Do you think something held them up?

Do you think they're coming back?

Does that mean anything to you?

Dog soldier's worried about his own kind.

Don't clump together. Keep going!

Don't like having our property line exposed like that.

Don't shoot the rats!

Don't stare at her, she'll entrance you.

Double time!

Down in Laredo, they got these river trash whores. Oh, boy!

Down...

Down... [roars]

Dreams like what, Suzy?

Dreams like...

Eastern corner's starting to show breaches too.

Eh?

Either is equally applicable in as much as we don't have genitalia.

End this!

Enemy's regrouped and they're coming in fast.

Even if you could chart a course back, you'd never reach the world you left.

Even in this antique.

Even when ground fire was so thick,

Eventually, the woman died.

Ever since we met in Tallinin, I've been hoping I'd see you again.

Ever thought of leaving him?

Every time I step into that ring, I'm fighting for my life.

Every time, Gary!

Everyone else...

Everyone sees what they want to see.

Everything I need ends up here eventually.

Expecting logic from beings who have internal vats of acid

Far better than he ever could.

Feel like trading in this bucket of bolts?

Fifteen seconds to intercept.

Fighting and hatred?

Finally, yeah.

Finding you again... all the way out here.

Fine.

Fire Team leader, make sure your team is up.

Fire!

First squid on the moon 2,973,412.

Five hundred thousand.

Five minutes to objective. Stay sharp, metalheads.

Five, four, three,

For months, he had been a client,

For no apparent reason, out of dust.

Forever. Good.

From a very sexy parallel dimension...

Fuck if I know.

Fuck off! Those are men up there. Doesn't matter what kind.

Fuck off.

Fuck right off, you weird little man.

Fuck these things!

Fuck you, Sui. I'm ready.

Fuck you!

Fuck, we're out of ammo.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Vladimir?

Fuck...

Fucker almost shot my dick off.

Fucking yeah!

Funny you should ask...

Gail, I want you to look inside this ice cube and tell me what you see.

Gave me the Distinguished Flying Cross for conspicuous bravery under fire.

Geez...

Gentlemen, I'm a cat.

Germany and allies win thanks to technological advances.

Get 'im!

Get Carnigore in gear and get outta here.

Get down!

Get off my back, old woman.

Get that pile of carnival scrap moving, Jake!

Get those grunts out of here. Get some cover and wait for evac.

Ghosts of an older world.

Give my friend back, motherfucker!

Give the high explosives to the lunatic and the new guy.

Give us some covering fire, Kali.

Gluugsnergluug.

Go on, call it Daddy.

Go round back.

Go!

God damn it, Rookie! What are you waiting for?

God damn it. Sobieski.

God damn right I'm a warrior.

God, I'm so fucking sorry.

God.

Goddamn fool!

Gonna run those tests again.

Good hunting, Yan.

Good, it'll catch you first

Gore...

Gotcha!

Grab the others and get your ass back here.

Greta?

Grishin was dispatched on a secret mission.

Hank needs every mech you got up on the ridgeline ASAP.

Hank, the Franklins and the Beauregards are comin',

Hank?

Hank?

Hank?

Hank?

Hank?

Hank? Do you read?

Happy?

Hard to get a firm count with the state of some of the bodies.

Hard.

Have the men prepare to move out.

Have to take your word for it.

Have you ever seen a ghoul barrow that big, Lieutenant?

Hawk!

He no longer breathed oxygen.

He said you're a warrior.

He saw me from the window. I was in the hotel, he was not.

He took out Sobieski first, sir, then moved on to the others.

He underwent radical biological procedures

He was a fine neighbor and a true friend.

He was an occultist.

He was assigned to Operation Hades.

He'd pay, but we never...

He's confident each team can handle itself.

He's the one who wouldn't leave her alone.

Heavy.

Hell, you oughta get up off yer duff and see the world.

Hello, Thom.

Hello, Thom. [echoes]

Hello, Yan.

Hello? I think I saw a murder.

Her heart rate's spiking!

Here comes a whole lot of ugly!

Here it is. What? What the hell is this horrible practice?

Here we go.

Hey, come back down here!

Hey, Hawk, what are we stealing, anyway?

Hey, hold on a second, boy.

Hey, just try it, though.

Hey, that was my friend you just dismantled,

Hey, want some?

Hey, where do you want the wine?

Hey! Look!

Hey.

Hey...

Hi.

Hi. Let's just talk.

His assignment was to perform a certain black magic ritual,

His eyes could see in any known spectrum.

His name was Pearly.

His skin was replaced with pressurized polymer

Hitler forgets the first rule of time travel:

Hitler is the random victim of a gelatin encasing weapon

Hmm, let me see.

Hmm. What was it for?

Hold the reins tight. She is fierce.

Hold your horses a minute. My back teeth are floating.

Holy fucking shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Hope you're not letting the talk get to you, ma'am.

Hours. Perhaps years.

How can I help, sir?

How can you be done for the day when there's good money to be earned?

How do you do it, all this...

How far are we, Greta?

How is hunting?

How long were we in our tanks asleep?

How the fuck did it get past your pal?

How was the flight?

However, one of the researchers sneaked some of the bacillus out of the lab

Huh, I don't know, Gary.

Huh! Yeah, shit happens.

Huh?

Huh.

Huh. Well, he's not the first man who got in trouble for eatin' a little pussy.

Humans died out from environmental disaster.

Hunt the men who think they can own us.

Hyah!

I always think men are sexiest when they try and think.

I am going to eat your little toes.

I am.

I believe so, sir.

I bewitch men for money.

I can feel them!

I can finally get out of this shit hole.

I can run for miles while you need to ride in a stinking Humvee all day.

I can see clearly on a moonless night,

I can stalk my prey by scent alone.

I can track him.

I can't even run very fast.

I can't shoot!

I care for all the lost souls that end up here.

I come from a proud, long line of baby monitors.

I couldn't decide whether the blue was a closer match to the sky or to the sea.

I did not think we would find him alive.

I didn't say that.

I do appreciate that, sir, but she's my "bucket of bolts."

I do care for you.

I do not. It is my first time seeing one of these live!

I don't care how drunk he is, just get him moving.

I don't even have a sister.

I don't have hours or perhaps years for this.

I don't have time for drunken ramblings and crazy stories.

I don't know what it is, but something's got 'em real riled up today.

I don't know yet.

I don't know, a dead possum.

I don't know, but I'm good at it.

I don't like it down here.

I don't recognize the station.

I don't see any reserved signs.

I don't see no women round here.

I don't think you're ready for the answer.

I don't wanna go!

I don't want to hurt you, Thom.

I don't want you to panic or anything, but I think you've activated it.

I dream of hunting in this jungle of metal and asphalt.

I enjoyed my work.

I envy you.

I fear the teams are too far apart.

I feel like a runny shit.

I found I understood automata even better than I understood trains.

I got a position for you.

I gotta do what I can to help Hank.

I had it dug up. Moved here.

I had to call the goddamn Sheriff to cart them and their scrawny fucktard kids away.

I had to make a wee sacrifice to the great nothing.

I have to admit, Lieutenant, you've done good for yourself,

I haven't been completely honest with you.

I imagine my true form leaping from beam to ledge to terrace roof

I just get bitter sometimes.

I just need to know what's going on here. I need to see.

I just saw a murder.

I just... I wanted to tell you.

I keep their precious trains running.

I know it's called a ball, but I'm trying to get into the whole

I laid him to rest next to my mother.

I learned more and more.

I may be an animal, but I'm done wearing your leash.

I mean, I have a fusion battery for power.

I mean, it's, like, crazy.

I mean, you always have the most bizarre excuses.

I miss my father terribly...

I need to see the ship's logs and the data recru

I need to see this place. I need to see you as you really are.

I need you to help me.

I need your help.

I never knew anyone could fuck that hard in zero G.

I really am.

I said lower.

I said piss off, you fucking chink.

I said, leave her alone.

I said, you can't sit here.

I saw how you looked at me.

I swear to God, we are going at it like fucking animals, bro.

I think I have a magnifying glass somewhere.

I think I may have something.

I think it might be, Mr. Flynn.

I think it's more complicated than that.

I think you're both here because dogs gotta hunt.

I thought you were all dead.

I told him no.

I took the liberty. Hope you don't mind, ma'am.

I tried not to dwell too much on that.

I understand now.

I wanna hear you fuckin' say it,  Mr Science.

I was wrong about you.

I will need the rest of the equipment, ASAP.

I won't press you further.

I wonder if there's more of these things in the freezer.

I'd heard Zima announce the unveiling of his final work of art.

I'd never heard of such a thing before...

I'd rather die with you.

I'll be sure to relay that message, Micky.

I'll cut the smile right off of ya.

I'll get him in position.

I'll rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.

I'll warm up the cannon.

I'm about to blow your head off, fat boy.

I'm afraid so, Mr. Flynn.

I'm agreeing with X Bot 4000 here.

I'm an archaeologist, Mr. Flynn, not a tactician.

I'm fucked. Impact on my mobility unit.

I'm going home.

I'm gonna need more help out here.

I'm just gonna clear the field for you. Better get some cover.

I'm just here to make sure you don't get your dumb ass killed.

I'm just trying to make sense of all of this.

I'm maybe even a little bit frightened of you...

I'm more of a Da Vinci,

I'm not gonna let them take you.

I'm not special.

I'm not the superstitious type, Jack.

I'm on station at satellite LV426.

I'm pretty much screwed.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry about earlier. It wasn't your fault.

I'm sorry I lied, Thom.

I'm sorry, Hank.

I'm sorry, Thom.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure your ancestors are very proud of you right now.

I'm working on Carnigore, she ain't battle ready.

I'ma get you, you son of a bitch.

I've been habitating here more than 20 odd years now.

I've got his scent now.

I've got the chip, but...

I've heard rumors of it.

I've heard so much.

I've invited you here because I want you to help me tell my story.

I've never needed a beer so bad in all my life.

I've seen no sign of any pups.

If shooting starts, nine times out of ten, it's the lead ship that doesn't come home.

If the ghosts of people can haunt a house,

If the yogurt was smart enough to solve our debt problem,

If this truck makes it through that tunnel, we are all fucked.

If we could just move this

If we wanna buy time for the families to reach the bunker,

In all that time, not one casualty.

In fact, ruled by a dairy product?"

In modern refrigerators, they don't have one of these, you know.

In my flight group, that ship was Lucky Thirteen.

In position.

In spite of all his success, Zima was still dissatisfied

In subjective time, only a few months.

In the end, no nuclear winter was needed,

In the flesh.

In the middle of the canvas was a tiny blue square.

Including you, Mr. Dvorchack.

Initial tests appeared to be failures.

Into a model of its surroundings.

Into their intake orifices to generate power.

Iron roads and machines that breathe smoke.

Irrigating each other's crops, that's neighborly.

Is an order.

Is it sealed?

Is that real Korean grad student?

Is that really you?

Is that the cosmos was already speaking its own truth

Is that you?

Is that...

Is there a giant breach in front of you?

Isn't that a type of car?

It ain't exactly art, but that scarecrow's finally startin' to grow on me.

It handed over a complex formula

It is the Impaler.

It just may not be human life.

It lived off it.

It looks like the Emerald City, only, you know, less emerald.

It makes impact a few hours later.

It may be about money for you, but for us, it's personal.

It must be something like you said.

It must have been nice back then.

It not only started and ended in 13, the digits totaled 13.

It specialized in illicit cybernetic modifications.

It took you further than I let on.

It was a certain level of spectacle that made Zima truly famous,

It was all I knew, all I needed to know.

It was considered by many to be as far as Zima could take things.

It was meant to summon unholy creatures who could fight beside the Red Army.

It was my fault, sir.

It was pretty anticlimactic.

It was said that he started his art career in portraiture,

It was supposed to be an anniversary gift. Uh, surprise?

It was there that the English lived, our colonial masters.

It was Zima Blue.

It went non functional and the backup's damaged as well.

It'll take this relief column an hour.

It's a microchip, kid.

It's all in the attitude.

It's all shiny and wet.

It's an X Bot Three, an early computer entertainment system for humans.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

It's been over 100 years since I've spoken to the press.

It's been over an hour.

It's coming this way.

It's coming.

It's cunts like you that fucked her up to begin with.

It's dead, son.

It's getting harder and harder for me to return to my true form.

It's good to see you, Thom.

It's gotta be here.

It's him, the Impaler. Dracula!

It's just a machine.

It's just rats. Tell me about the whores.

It's like a fucking Fortress of Solitude.

It's not just any swimming pool.

It's not that.

It's the Industrial Revolution already.

It's too late for that, Liang.

It's true. He ate the tiny research assistant.

It's unclear. We checked their code   no creator signature.

Jacko, shoot the columns.

Jake blew his reactor.

Jake was just trying to be neighborly.

Jake, they're coming around you. Get outta there!

Jake, we're not gonna make it.

Jake, your scarecrow better hold.

Jake!

Jake! Yes.

Jake? Hold on, we're coming.

Janine Lindemulder, first woman on the moon, 1996.

Jealousy.

Jenkins' cows again?

Jesus.

Just do me a favor, okay?

Just fucking great.

Just get a few beers chillin', Bill.

Just hold tight till Hank gets there.

Just kidding. They came from a very warm soup.

Just swimming around without a care in the world.

Just take it easy, Suzy.

Just the long heedless autumn of their own self regard.

Just to clarify, you are not going to explode if we stop petting you, right?

Just wait a fucking minute!

Kali, look out!

Kali!

Kaminsky, unload all the ammunition and explosives.

Killed by a meteor strike square on the head.

Killed by space time paradox.

Learn to survive.

Leave him be, you overgrown cockroach!

Leaving just enough to appreciate my surroundings...

Lee, move your ass!

Let go, Pearly!

Let me be the judge of that.

Let's collect the bounty for this huli jing head.

Let's just wait until it decides to get up again, okay, bud?

Let's see, we just passed the ravaged church.

Life from earth is going to the stars,

Light him up, honey!

Like a dildo, yeah.

Like this.

Listen, Bill.

Listen, I gotta go. Another day, another eviction.

Little is known about Zima's history.

Locate panel, sync and navigate.

Lock and load, boys. It's time to see what you're made of.

Long ago, it belonged to a talented young woman

Look at her, Thom.

Look out!

Look out!

Look, behind you! Look!

Look, I don't like every asshole that calls himself an American,

Look, my buddy took a bullet for you guys today so... back off.

Look, why are you with

Look!

Look.

Looks like Arkangel Dispatch had a glitch in their syntax launch patterns.

Looks like there's a few more out past the back fields.

Looks like this is your stop, big guy.

Looks like we got holes along the pasture fence again.

Lucky me.

Lucky Thirteen was the only flight ready  ship left at the end of the mission.

Magic is draining from the world and with it,

Make some room, bitches.

Marines, fast movers incoming. To cover.

Marines, five minutes.

Math's come in. I'm done.

Maxim, Oleg!

May I have your attention, please, bitches?

Maybe a few thousand generations back.

Maybe it's fate, Thom.

Maybe they've had a chance to rebuild.

Me and my friend Pearly were having a drink and conversatin', like.

Me.

Mel, are you reading me?

Micky, Gary, get the weapons ready. We're coming in hot.

Might be a rough transition, but we're ready.

Might have found us a shortcut across the local bubble too.

Might I have a peek?

Mission accomplished, I guess.

Mm hmm.

More prison cells.

Motherfucker!

Moving the herd ain't a quick job, hon. And I'm a little busy right now.

Mr. Dvorchack, I presume?

Mr. Dvorchack!

Multiversity lets you modify any historical fact

My father was a spirit hunter, [East Asian melody plays]

My people believe they are cursed.

My search for truth has led me here,

My search for truth is finished at last.

Neil Armstrong,

Neither, really.

Never fucking mentioned the goddamn giant fucking insects!

Never seen the ocean.

Never.