Igor Edit

A beret!

A box of mixed biscuits and a biscuit mixer.

A hiding place A hiding place

A hiding place A hiding place

A hiding place A hiding place

A hiding place A hiding place

A lifetime worth of lessons in acting.

A little bit more over the knees.

A man who needs no introduction,

A nice thorough scrubbing.

A secret place A secret place

A secret place A secret place

A secret place A secret place

A secret place A secret place

A shallow, conniving wretch...

A Shrink, Ray? Oh, that's a genius' plan for stealing a monster.

A sweet escape A sweet escape

A sweet escape A sweet escape

A sweet escape A sweet escape

A toast to the undefeated winner of 17 Evil Science Fairs

A weapon like that would be the greatest Evil Invention of all time.

Acting?

Actually, a "thank you" would be nice.

Actually, that Igor's not me.

After failure, after failure, after failure...

After failure, after failure...

After failure, after failure...

Ah

Ah!

All for you!

All he will ever see is a monster.

All over town

All right, all right. Now, listen, Eva...

Am I close on this?

An axe?

An envelope! You spoil me rotten, lady.

An Igor inventing...

And as someone I love once said,

And as we know, monsters only exist to be used.

And asked me to hands deliver this to you.

And battles a bunch of Evil Inventions

And before you answer, you should know

And Brain is spelled right!

And bring me back a toy!

And bring me back a toy!

And didn't see anyone.

And every time it rains It rains pennies from heaven

And Glickenstein is gonna lose again.

And God knows what else?

And he didn't invent life, did he?

And he doesn't have to open that door for anyone.

And here comes this year's Evil Inventions!

And here it is baby. Buckle up, here it comes.

And I just don't let her get into my head.

And I kissed you!

And I still say those stolen pills were the best invention yet.

And I think I'm in love with him.

And I, for one, I think they can do it.

And I'll guard your plans for your new invention.

And I'll never have to answer to another master again.

And I'm not.

And if all else fails, the severed head of a supermodel.

And if she had been evil, she would have let us all die.

And if they don't we I,

And if we don't destroy this weather ray, it's really over.

And if you have a problem with that

And Igor is, too?

And in a party dress She may be quite a mess

And in some ways, that's more important.

And it has but a small price, and that prlce is $100 billion.

And it's cold, it's cold, it's cold, it's cold, it's cold.

And it's your job to make sure nothing happens to Glickenstein,

And its inventor the greatest Evil Scientist of all time?

And just like that she was out of their lives.

And just look at them.

And maybe I should throw you back in the gutter where I found you!

And my plan to blackmail the world saved us all

And nobody cries There's only butterflies

And nothing matters?

And now to make her skin indestructible.

And now your master of disaster, the chief of grief,

And now, the crucial last piece,

And play us a song you wrote in college about being misunderstood?

And put them down.

And rub his face in number two!

And so would you. Because you're good, Igor.

And steal the plans like Heid failed to do.

And that's a good thing?

And that's when King Malbert...

And the bottom of the heap? Those are the poor slobs like me,

And the greatest Evil Genius in the world.

And the sorrow

And then everyone looks past the hunch thing,

And then he'll be the one groveling at my feet!

And then you come in as Malaria's new Evil Scientist Dr. Igor.

And there's no more lies And darkness is light

And these are my hands.

And they accept you for the real you.

And this is what happens to us.

And totally au nature!

And trade them for a package of sunshine and ravioli

And use your hunch as a speed bump!

And wait! An Igor has entered the arena.

And we needed the rent

And why am I panting?

And why are there two transducers?

And winning!

Annie?

Any predictions? Can anyone beat Dr. Schadenfreude?

Anyway, all Igors are forced to serve Evil Scientists.

Are gonna look even more real, Eva.

Are you a talent agent?

Are you actually trying to hypnotize me, Brain?

As an actor, I feel things very deeply, and I treasure all of life.

As his girlfriend you have nothing to worry about.

As they were under the previous administration?

Audit on?

Baby, baby, it looks like it's gonna hail

Baby, baby, it looks like it's gonna hail

Baby, won't you please come home? I need you, I need you

Back when the clouds destroyed our peaceful land of farmers,

Be sure that your umbrella is up up up up upside down

Because he built you to be a weapon.

Because I can get a woman to do absolutely anything.

Because I'm not an idiot, Brian.

Because that would be pathetic.

Because this year,

Because you may be a brain, but you have heart.

Become an environmentalist, but still fly private when necessary.

Behold my rocket ship!

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow...

Bet your...

Big and round and sweet

Big steps.

Bigger!

Biscuit mixer, a box of mix...

Blind orphans get everything!

Blind orphans!

Born to stream through the world,

Born with a hunch on our back, Igors.

Bow for the King!

Brain Dead.

BRAIN Hey! I can see my room from here.

Brain, get me a tub of eye liner, a pound of lipstick,

Brain, that may be the smartest thing you've ever said.

Brake. Brake!

Bravo! Bravo!

But created life?

But eventually, I landed a job for Dr. Glickenstein.

But getting back to my next question, sire.

But how can you know? I mean, you can't learn that,

But I fee like for the first time in my life,

But I feel so prepared.

But I figured "What the hey?"

But I know one thing, I have to try

But I love her a lot So what if she's not

But I never wanted to be an Igor.

But I still manage to work on my own inventions in secret.

But I want to welcome you all to my annual pre Evil Science Fair party.

But if that's not working, then how about this?

But if you don't want to be a real actress...

But it's all for reality's sake.

But lucky for us, I'm evil, right?

But no need to thank me.

But since she's not evil, she won't.

But society, it won't let me. It stops me.

But that's not all...

But the way he looks at you...

But we choose whether or not to use it.

But we don't!

But we rallied together for the common good

But what happened to cards that just blew your head off?

But who will brutally torture me if he doesn't get one,

But you and your friend Heidi

But you are! You've helped me with my audition.

But, well... You first, Brain!

Butterfingers.

By a hunchbacked pot bellied, bulgy eyed runt.

By creating the clouds with a weather ray!

By embracing evil, and look at us now!

By my manager/boyfriend.

By the way, an Igor came by today

Call me Frederick. Okay? That's my name.

Call me old fashioned,

Camera 2!

Can we move on to Igor now?

Can you imagine a face like that on a 40 foot screen?

Can you imagine being chopped up and used for body parts

Canadians. I'll just watch TV.

Cares? He doesn't care.

Clears away the cobwebs

Cocoas Strudel!

Come on boys! Let's go kick some old people.

Come on, after living with Brain and Scamper

Come on, bigger. Do it. Come on, make it bigger.

Come on!

Come with me. I will make you a star.

Creating life!

Curse it, I need to see his invention.

Damn it, I need that monster!

Dang it! Still here.

Darn it Brain, there's no secret passage!

Destroying his enemies with a giant girl in a red dress.

Did you know that years ago, Schoddy's family name was Poekelmacher?

Did you say "life"?

Did you see that? Shoot him again.

Ding dong, the King is dead, long live the new king, me!

Do not yell at me.

Do what you want But you never gonna break me

Do you think I'm pretty?

Don't let him kill me!

Don't let him kill me! It's gonna be a smash.

Don't peek.

Don't tell me that you have feelings for this thing?

Don't touch his invention, Brain.

Don't touch me!

Don't worry, folks, he'll be dead soon.

Don't worry.

Don't you know each cloud contains pennies from heaven?

Don't you say that!

Don't you want to go after Eva and save her from Schadenfreude?

Down!

Dr. Glickenstein is under the rug. I mean, under the weather.

Dr. Igor. Dr. Igor von Igorstein.

Dr. Schadenfreude!

E...

Eats me out of money

Enchanting.

Enough.

Estephan, you're a magician!

Eva Eva! Eva!

Eva needs you and you're the only hunchback

Eva, about the audition, I think I've given you the wrong direction.

Eva, don't say that.

Eva, Eva!

Eva, Eva!

Eva, where are you?

Eva, you're in luck.

Eva! Eva! Eva!

Eva?

Eva.

Eva.

Eva.

Eva.

Eva.

Eva. Eva.

Eva. Well, we got you this.

Even though life is meaningless

Every day's forecast is rainy with a 100% chance of horror.

Every wash comes with a sealant guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Everybody say, "Long live..."

Everything will seem like a breeze.

Evil Inventions.

Evil Scientists do not let anyone stand in their way.

Evil Scientists don't have friends.

Evil!

Evil!

Ew! What's that smell?

Ew...

Exactly!

Except for the King. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Excuse me, Igor, but I think you're supposed to say "cut."

Excuse me, Igor, I'm a little distracted.

Excuse me, Master, are you sure you don't mean 21 gigawatt?

Excuse me, sir, but why...

Fame, fortune, a rent free castle in the hills.

Fans are taking their seats, includlng King Malbert himself!

Figures, just when I decided I want to live...

Film?

Finally.

Fine! You don't want the benefit of my brain power?

Fire the rocket booster!

Fix Glickenstein's invention.

FIY, it is actually me you should thank.

For every hour in the day you can hear me say

For generations, Klng Malbert has kept us in the dark

For someone who wasn't meant to be an Evil Scientist.

For that big bumpy thing?

For the first time ever,

Forced to keep living,

Frederick!

Frederick! Why are you swimming?

From here on out, all evil doings will be handled

Funny you should say that.

Gee, they all look so good.

Get new headshots, adopt children from all over the world.

Get off of me, you buffoon!

Get rid of that thing.

Gift, gift, gift, gift.

Glicky! Glicky, my boy.

Go away! Look, I'm very important.

Go soak your brain, Brian.

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

Good evening, friends!

Good work today, Eva. You took some really...

Gosh I feel like I'm sending my kid

Gosh! Me trying out for Annie,

Got a love and I know that it's all mine

Got a pocket full of sunshine

Great, Schadenfreude's gonna kil me.

Great. I must be allergic to it.

Guess what Mommy found out about our favorite little monster?

Guys, can you come in here?

Had a bat stuck in the belfry, if you know what I mean, Master.

Hans, you're wearing this backwards. What are you? Blind?

Has that hole always been there?

He did. I'll just be a minute.

He lied to us!

He never looks at me that way.

He s okay! He's...

He said "do."

He tricked us into thinking we needed to be evil to survive!

He'd recycle me.

He'll never look at you and see a woman.

He's got soft hands, and unlike you, he sometimes shaves his legs!

He's here to see Glickenstein! What do I tell him?

He's your new king.

Headaches.

Heart? I'd kill for a pair of feet.

Heidi, I need to tell you something.

Heidi, no!

Heidi, you're not careful enough!

Heidi!

Hello? Can you even talk?

Here I come!

Here in the kingdom of Malaria,

Here we are. A dressing room fit for a leading lady.

Here we go.

Hey Scamper, have you seen Eva?

Hey you unhand him.

Hey, fellas, I'm single again!

Hey, here's the genius Igor that made her.

Hey, Igor where's our gift for Eva?

Hey, Monster, can I borrow your remote?

Hey, who you talking to? I'm the head guy here!

Hey! Don't touch that! It s a very complicated system!

Hey! I don't come down to where you work and...

Hey! I was in a hurry!

Hey! No fair!

Hey! No fair! You said we could both pull the...

Hi there.

Hi, I'd like to...

Hi, I'm here about the "Igor Wanted" ad. My name's Igor.

Hi, welcome to Cristall Clear. I'm Carl Cristall.

Hi! We haven't met. I'm Eva.

Hi. How are you? Great wings.

His family were pickle makers.

His last invention was an Evil Lasagna.

His tower shines out for all the world to see as a beacon of evil.

Hit me.

Hmm?

Hmm. Jaclyn, Heidi, Jaclyn, Heidi.

Hold on!

Hold on! Pull over. I'm getting jar sick!

Hold on! What's this? It's fighting.

Horrible.

How about the "Axe Murderer" brain wash?

How do you know about...

How many girls are auditioning for this project?

How many times do I have to tell you?

How would you feel if every day you had to be 13 different people?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Huh?

Hunchy invented life, eh?

I a so like ponies.

I also know about your monster.

I also made him talk.

I always have to bow down to that idiot.

I always wanted to be an Evil Scientist.

I am not gonna die, Scamper.

I am your master, and I command you

I came to see you.

I can give you everything you have ever wanted.

I can just picture Igor and his monster now,

I can put her to work under a circus tent

I can see all obstacles in my way

I can see clearly now the rain has gone

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've made someone else.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe Schadenfreude did it again

I can't see who it is!

I command you to kill that fly.

I could be one of the greatest Evil Scientists Malaria has ever seen.

I could never hit anyone.

I could! But you know what would happen if I did!

I created life.

I demand to see...

I did create you to be evil.

I did it. I...

I did.

I didn't come to see him.

I do. But...

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe you.

I don't even make my Igors talk that way. Isn't that right, Igor?

I don't feel lucky.

I don't have lungs.

I don't hear anything.

I don't know how to cha cha.

I don't know what it is,

I don't know, Brain.

I don't know.

I don't like dirty little hunchpeople.

I don't mean to be a prima donna, but I think I need a bigger trailer.

I don't think he had a hand in it.

I don't want an axe. That's crazy.

I don't want to be rescued. I'm an Igor.

I don't want to hear your toilet memoirs, you cretin!

I enter Evil Science Fair with your monster and then I win.

I figure, why does an invisible man need to wear pants?

I give you five minutes a week to take care of your business.

I got a love and I know that it's all mine

I got a love and I know that it's all mine

I got a love and I know that it's all mine

I got a pocket Got a pocket full of sunshine

I got a pocket Got a pocket full of sunshine

I got a pocket Got a pocket full of sunshine

I got a squeaky wheel! Was that me?

I got a woman as big as a house, yes, sir

I guess I'm just a pushover.

I have to get back. Dr. Glickenstein will be missing me.

I have to hurry. It loses its power in the light.

I have to own that. That's just where I am.

I have to tell you the truth.

I have to work on my plans alone and in secret.

I heard a strange noise.

I hope I can still do a decent audition without Igors help.

I just have a teeny, teeny, tiny suggestion.

I just hope it's cinched enough at the waist.

I just stick out my chin and grin

I just...

I know it's technically just an audition tomorrow,

I know my choreography, if that's what you mean.

I know that now.

I know, it's just...

I know, right? And she's not even done yet.

I left your opening night gift back at the lab.

I looked inside Dr Glickenstein's castle

I love ya

I m Carl Cristall and I m coming to you live, invisible

I m gonna guess your plan.

I made him immortal.

I majored in Talking With a Slur and graduated with a Yes Masters Degree.

I mean, all the Evil Scientists are twisted fiends in their own right.

I mean, I've met someone else, who I made. It s complicated.

I mean, this isn't even the sexiest me, but come on! Look at you.

I mean, why am I here?

I mean, you know, she's beautiful and you are not.

I might actually be able to pull this off.

I named her after you, Mother.

I need a box of biscuits. I need a box of biscuits.

I need a box...

I need to go write this down in my sense memory journal!

I need to talk to you.

I never thought that we could part

I never want to see it again.

I really couldn't have done it without you.

I remember when people used to call me that.

I should do more improv.

I should have been a plumber like you!

I smile up to the sky I know I'll be all right

I sometimes come down here to think.

I take that as a no.

I think he's kind of cute. Talent is attractive.

I think I just wet myself.

I think I need to go.

I think it worked.

I think the makeup girl is out to get me.

I think we better open it.

I think you need to go deeper. Have you ever done anything evil?

I thought you wanted to be an Evil Scientist.

I told you the 16 would work, you Igor.

I tried to be someone different, but the world wouldn't let me.

I turn the monster on the King.

I wanna go next!

I wanna go next.

I wanna live forever! I got plans! And dreams!

I want to be more as well,

I want to shove a pickle right where the sun don't shine.

I was about to ask you the same question, Malby.

I was never meant to be a scientist.

I was so deep down worried

I was the one who changed the channel on her brain wash.

I went to the evil bookstore and got you an inspirational poster.

I will never get the respect he gets!

I will not be beaten

I won't stop at just winning the Evil Science Fair.

I wonder what diabolical deed she has planned next.

I would do it myself, but I am all thumbs.

I would love to try something like this...

I...

I... I like kittens.

I'll come back and give you a beautiful funeral.

I'll go on strike.

I'm a failure. I'm a...

I'm a genius. What do you do, mister?

I'm an Igor.

I'm coming, Eva!

I'm coming, Eva.

I'm Eva.

I'm gonna go save him.

I'm gonna have the most Evil Invention of all time.

I'm gonna live!

I'm gonna unleash my winning invention

I'm guessing something big. Something like this.

I'm Jaclyn, your girlfriend.

I'm never gonna take this off.

I'm not evil.

I'm not his girlfriend.

I'm not psycho!

I'm not running a resort here!

I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Director.

I'm seeing a real Igor.

I'm sorry I lied to you. I lied to you about everything.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm sorry, you were saying?

I'm sorry.

I'm sure he's fine.

I'm using the 16 gigawatt, you fool!

I'm whispering to protect my voice.

If I had my shot,

If only I had a role I could really sink my teeth into.

If only I knew whether I had the "it" factor.

If only you'd made yourself indestructible!

If she ever

If she goes on a diet

If she's having a woman problem it's all yours.

If you didn't go psycho girlfriend on me right now.

Igor has someone else in mind for your role.

Igor is a liar. He does this...

Igor Krazy Straw! Right now.

Igor was right. You are not an actress.

Igor would never lie to me. Igor cares about me.

Igor, can you...

Igor, I felt like I was in a dark, horrible place.

Igor!

Igor!

Igor! Pull the switch!

Igor! Pull the switch!

Igors aren't allowed to invent,

In deadly hand to hand combat.

In four days, there is an audition for the lead

In other words, bon voyage.

In other words, buzz off!

In the biggest play to hit Malaria since...

In the Igor recycling plant!

Indestructible. Indestructible.

Ironically, at an inch tall, you still have the biggest mouth in Malaria.

Is Daddy still mad at me?

Is everything okay?

Is French fries an idea?

Is it about this situation?

Is it Annie?

Is it coconut ty? Coconut ty enough?

Is it even an idea?

Is it nice? You like t?

Is that all I am?

Is that even her hand?

Is that really nice?

Is the ultimate challenge for any modern actress.

Isn't it beautiful?

It could be in the form of a card or a poem, your choice.

It didn't kill anyone. And it actually tasted pretty good.

It is, right?

It looks kind of real, and it's hard because I would

It s in the other room.

It s so hard being a little hunchback.

It twisted like the pretzel, Igor!

It was just a suggestion.

It was nice meeting you.

It was only a vocal exercise, but that is a beginner's mistake

It wasn't always like this, though.

It would be really swell

It's a big step, getting a pet together.

It's a little kitten!

It's a necklace.

It's a new label for your jar.

It's a she, and I think someone's taken her.

It's going to be a bright, bright sunshiny day

It's going to be a bright, bright sunshiny day

It's going to be a bright, bright sunshiny day

It's Honkers the Gassy Monkey. But first, King Malbert.

It's just a role. You don't have to play it.

It's just failure after failure.

It's my Aunt Eva.

It's my turn! I wanna go next!

It's my whole life savings, but I think I'm going to treat myself.

It's over.

It's something no director can be without.

It's the annual Evil Science Fair!

It's the beacon of evil on top of the royal castle.

It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!

It's true. You are good.

It's very liberating, Your Highness.

Ja, I haven't any idea.

Just breathe. Okay. Center yourself on the body.

Just like they do for the great Dr. Schadenfreude!

Just like you.

Just think Scamper. In a few short moments,

Just thinking about

Keep smiling.

Kill it, girl! Come on! You're a killer!

Kill it! Kill it!

Kill, kill, kill!

King Ma bert is making the storm clouds.

King Malbert has turned this country into a paradise.

King Malbert the liar is dead!

Leave it to Schadenfreude,

Legend has it when the smartest man in the world died,

Let me get this straight

Let me teach you how to jive and wail

Let me through! Let me through! I made her!

Let the battle begin.

Let's do the twist Around and around and around

Let's switch this around.

Let's talk about you, Igor. Do you think I have "it"?

Let's thank our guest who has taught us in one hour,

Life? Glickenstein invented ife?

Like a gentle fawn, I shall leave this meadow.

Listen, could you squeeze me in for a brain wash, too?

Lock your doors and hide your loved ones.

Long live King Schadenfreude!

Long live King Schadenfreude! Everybody!

Look at you. You are pathetic!

Look inside.

Look, Iggy baby I know all about Glickenstein and his deadness.

Look, it's your little girlfriend, Heidi.

Look, maybe I'm not a genius, okay.

Look, the Evil Science Fair is in a few hours.

Looking for the secret passage!

Maim it! Wound it! Insult it!

Majesty.

Malarians, let's get evil.

Malby? What's the meaning of this?

Master, the 21 gigawatt might be somewhat safer, I think.

Master!

May I suggest looking behind you?

Maybe it just spontaneously combusted?

Maybe some men like girls

Maybe they did too much?

Me, me, pick me!

Me! Me! I do.

Me! Me! Pick me! Me! Me!

Me?

Meanwhile, the scientists are in their locker rooms,

Mine's bigger than average, right? No?

Mmm hmm!

Monster want a brain wash?

Move it! I need this room.

Much better looking.

Mummy, Mummy, you were right!

My evil days are over!

My girlfriend Jaclyn.

My hunch.

My name is not Brian!

My new air freshener, "Dead Dog." Jealous?

My transducer!

Never gonna shake me

Never hurt anything real

Next!

Nice weather we're having, huh?

No can do, pal.

No Evil Scientist has ever been able to create life

No fair!

No matter how many Evil Science Fairs I win,

No more Doctor. Don't Kill Anybody!

No more pills.

No one's ever given me a gift before.

No, I was gonna say, "Wait I'm coming with you."

No, I'm not!

No, I've been trying to make you play a role that you're not right for.

No, Master! The rocket is going to...

No, no, no, that's not me, either.

No, no, no, you re wrong.

No, no, no!

No, no, no! You're evil!

No, no, no. The Evil Revered Igor von Igorstein III.

No, no, no. Wait! We need to unbrainwash her!

No, no.

No, not entirely.

No, she's not.

No, that's Brain. And he's not the makeup girl, he's the idiot.

No, wait! You'll spill on my plans.

No, you missed it, again.

No!

No! Please! No! No!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Eva, you look... You look beautiful.

No. Everyone has an Evil Bone in their body,

No. Go away.

None of us do.

Not the smartest scientist.

Now get over there and pull the switch!

Now get over there and...

Now I can throw out that rug in the foyer. That thing is hideous.

Now I get to watch you die.

Now I'll just need a screwdriver, some nails and my bag of marbles.

Now to shrink Igor and steal his monster.

Now to take the old cow for a test drive.

Now try to remember on the word "tomorrow,"

Now, I know I m not the director but at the end of the number,

Now, to break into Glickenstein's castle

Number two friend. Well, who's your number one friend?

Obviously not.

Obviously, if I had more time, I would have made it flare out

Of course! This is what I've been waiting for.

Off to school for the first time.

Oh God, she's killing blind orphans!

Oh listen to me going on and on about me me, me.

Oh this is such a clich?

Oh you're upset, aren't you?

Oh, baby, won't you please come home?

Oh, come on!

Oh, excellent, wonderful.

Oh, excuse me. Sorry.

Oh, God. Did I hit it? Did I hit it? I hope I didn't hit it!

Oh, he's dead!

Oh, I wasn't at the door listening to you and Igor.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just...

Oh, Igor. Ow! My ankle.

Oh, It's a great gig, especially if you're an Evil Scientist.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh! I don't believe it! What play is it?

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my hunch.

Oh, my necklace!

Oh, no, I'm not.

Oh, no, no. I do, I do.

Oh, no, this isn't happening. Act graceful. Act graceful.

Oh, no, who's that? What am I gonna do?

Oh, no, you're not. No wonder he chose Heidi.

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh Got a pocket

Oh, oh, oh Never gonna shake me

Oh, oh, oh You can't control me

Oh, parlez Italian? Taco grande to meet you.

Oh, poopshkin.

Oh, really?

Oh, really?

Oh, really? How?