*batteries not included Edit

A different kind of home,

A tremendous right.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Oh!

About that baby.

Across the river, in Jersey.

Actually, I wouldn't do that if I were you.

After meals and at bedtime,

Ah, here's Bobby's little jammies.

Ah, there you are.

Ahem. Habla Espanol?

Ahh! Champ, what are you doing?

Alive and kicking.

All right, all right.

All right!

All right.

All you do is yell at him and make him feel he's not good enough.

And a Libby's canned fruit,

And beans She just loves beans.

And don't forget.

And get up here this instant.

And her HydroDIURIL twice a day

And here's her Enderol four times a day,

And here's your prize money.

And I'm paying a demolition crew

And it ain't Thursday.

And my X ray goggles.

And sticks a fork in a wall socket?

And they sent it right back.

And to think that I've been telling my friends

And what do you see?

And why they came.

And you know what?

And you think they're here because of you.

And, uh...

And, w we... so help us, God!

And... and Bobby.

Anywhere.

Are we going home now?

Are you missing anything

Are you superstitious?

Arrest them. Send them up the river for life.

At fine stores everywhere.

Aw, he didn't write.

Batteries not included.

Batteries not included.

Be a good girl and put this on.

Be nice, Papa.

Because Cream of Wheat is instant.

Because it is.

Because of you.

Bobby, have you had your lunch?

Bobby, you let him go

Bobby, you want to go out and play?

Bobby!

Bobby!

Bobby?

Boy, I'm sure going to hate to crunch this place up.

Breakfast.

Burger up.

Burger up.

Bust it up, Benny!

But for God's sake, get out of here.

But I was thinking about these things

But it's like they were watching or listening.

But no, you've got to be the Andrew Wyeth of the East Village.

But she won't eat the cherries.

But very nice.

But what about you?

But where's my Bobby?

But... we pledge allegiance

Can I help you? Hello?

Can you believe this?

Carlos, what are you doing here?

Carlos, you semi illiterate,

Carlos!

Carlos!

Come here.

Come on out, Faye.

Come on out!

Come on out.

Come on, dear. Don't be shy.

Come on, Faye. Time to go back downstairs.

Come on, Frank. Get on with it.

Come on, Frank. They're starving.

Come on, get back. All of you. Shoo!

Come on, get moving. We haven't got all day.

Come on, Harry, say something.

Come on, lady. Open the door.

Come on, now.

Come on, open up.

Come on, Tommy, slow down!

Come on, you're a very rich lady.

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Don't move.

Come on. Take it.

Coming through.

Companeros.

Crazy, my ass.

D Do you realize what's going on here?

Dad's waiting downstairs. You know how he is.

Did I say something wrong?

Did we miss the sunset?

Different places.

Don't forget to write!

Don't hide.

Don't hurt anybody, OK?

Don't leave home without it.

Don't let it get cold.

Don't look at me.

Don't panic.

Don't say that. He loves you.

Don't say that. She'll be back.

Don't you even want to count it?

Don't you hear me?

Don't you touch me.

Don't you touch me. Help! Frank! Frank!

Don't you want to see?

Don't you worry, Mr. Lacey. I'm gonna do it for you.

Donald!

Donald's all grown up, Faye.

Especially the sconces and corbellings,

Everybody together?

Fantastic! Unbelievable! I love the whole thing

Fascist sociopath!

Faye, come here, quick!

Faye, I need you to be with me now.

Faye, this has gone far enough. Come on. Get up.

Faye, what is this?

Faye, you all right?

Faye!

Faye!

Faye.

Faye...

Faye...

Fixed like new?

Flotsam and Jetsam! Isn't that cute?

Flotsam!

Flotsam.

Flotsam.

For the love of God. Faye!

For the love of Mike, where you been?

For what? A funeral?

Fourth floor, storeroom, in back.

Frank, where's our bags?

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank! Sidney!

Frank.

Frank.

Frank... Frank, we're tired.

Frank's got a terrible temper, you know.

Fresh cash money.

Gary, Glen.

Gee whiz, Mom.

Get back on the sidewalk.

Get Frank. Frank!

Get her out of here. And you

Get off.

Get out of my place, you punks!

Get out of my way!

Get out of my way.

Get out, Pop. You're going to go bald!

Get that strap on her. Come on, let's go.

Get up. Get up!

Get your food somewheres else!

Ghost in the garbage!

Give me back my camera, man.

Give me that pen.

Go find your babies.

Go now.

Go wash your hands and face and go sit down at the table.

Go!

God, lady. Don't wake up now.

Goddamn it

Goddamn it, he's not Bobby.

Good morning, chief.

Good morning. Island Manor.

Got to accept it, Frank. It's over.

Grade level. Comprende?

Half fat, non fat. One baby book.

Ham san, Miracle Whip, Canadian on the side.

Harry Noble, the human locomotive.

Harry Noble. I used to bet on him.

Harry, please!

Harry, wait a minute!

Harry, what are you doing?

Harry, what the hell are you doing?

Harry!

Harry!

Harry?

Harry.

Harry.

Have you seen my

He ain't coming back.

He and Frank don't get along so good.

He came back.

He had a hell of a right. You should've seen him.

He has two kids of his own now.

He just had a birthday.

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He made the arrangements.

He was just being... scientific.

He'll be in the sunlight.

He's back together.

He's got his father's ears.

He's just a punk.

He's on his way.

He's working on it.

He's, uh, a new guy, very talented.

Hector.

Hector.

Hector.

Hell, she won't even know you're gone.

Hello.

Help us.

Here she is. Faye!

Here.

Here.

Here. Buy yourself a new saint.

Hey, Bee!

Hey, Bee?

Hey, Carlos, where are you going, man? Let's talk this over!

Hey, dance me around, Papa.

Hey, did you ever hear of private property?

Hey, doll. He's not home?

Hey, Frank. Guess what I did.

Hey, I'm hungry. How about a little service around here.

Hey, it's Harry.

Hey, lighten up.

Hey, man, stop right here, man!

Hey, no, you don't!

Hey, pal...

Hey, Sid.

Hey, take it easy, Pop.

Hey, take it! What's wrong with you?

Hey, what are you You schmuck, that's evidence.

Hey, would you paint some clothes on her?

Hey, you, you!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! All right, great.

Hey! Whatcha doing?

Hey.

Hi.

Hip hip hooray!

Hola, Mommy.

Hold it, I ain't dressed.

Hospitalized.

How about that?

How about you move in with me?

How do you like it?

How old is your son, Mrs. Riley?

How you doing?

How's she doing?

How's the face, man?

Huh? Who?

I I don't know how you got here,

I I don't know.

I ain't saying.

I bet there's even a few diapers in here.

I brought these here for your wife.

I can do it, sir.

I can smell Thursday all the way back to Wednesday

I can't help it, but don't let it bother you. It's not your problem.

I can't walk.

I could recommend this building for historic preservation?

I did the marketing.

I don't hear them playing.

I don't know nothing about my father, and I don't wanna know.

I don't see anything. It's just junk.

I don't smell no bacon on.

I doubt that.

I got a commitment to have this entire block down to grade level.

I got it. I got it.

I got the ham on.

I got to have this job, you understand?

I got you these for that special yen.

I hate sloppy.

I have to take a nap.

I heard that.

I just want to check for that label that says "Made in the U.S.A."

I knew it.

I know who he is.

I like being a family again.

I made candy omelets.

I make a very artistic cup of coffee.

I need you to be here.

I said shut up, man!

I said stop that!

I saw downstairs. Who's been cleaning up after me?

I saw you fight.

I stopped dreaming a long time ago.

I think I just saw a smile.

I think it was Bobby.

I think we got elves.

I told him to go.

I told you, nothing.

I want one more chance.

I want to go home.

I want to go to bed to sleep.

I won't forget. OK.

I, um...

I'll call the cops and make them come.

I'll cook a ham.

I'll do all the talking. What are you gonna do with that?

I'll see you tomorrow, OK?

I'll take door number one.

I'll talk to it.

I'll tell you where it is.

I'll try the basement.

I'm a grandmother, remember?

I'm a grandmother.

I'm always nice. I've got a kitchen to run.

I'm feeding them. They like this stuff.

I'm Frank now.

I'm getting there.

I'm going along. I'm her husband.

I'm going to burn it.

I'm going to clean it up right now.

I'm going to clean up that cafe, Frank.

I'm here, Papa. I'm with you.

I'm learning how Lacey works, how this city works.

I'm looking at the real you.

I'm Muriel now. I'm comin' in, Faye.

I'm not superstitious...

I'm smart, I'm talented.

I'm sorry. I...

I've been looking at it a lot, you know, because it's art.

I've got to think.

If it's Sunday, we got to walk in the park.

If this is a dream, which one of us is having it?

If you want me to get rid of these reporters, I'll get rid of them.

If you're not nice, you'll drive them away.

In rain and sleet...

In sickness and in health...

In the best of times and the worst of times...

In the way of experimental aircraft?

In three days, permits expire and legal options go out the window.

Is she all right?

Is that why you're here?

Is this Sunday?

Is this what you're talking about?

Is to ask it why it is...

It could be giant rats.

It could happen to anyone.

It got born, and it never had a chance.

It happened.

It serves you right.

It smells like cherry cordial, this stuff.

It was Carlos.

It was just a man.

It's it's not home anymore.

It's a break, really.

It's a home for senior citizens.

It's all right. It's me 3B.

It's all we got.

It's Bobby.

It's Frank.

It's full of ghosts or spirits or something.

It's full of junk. It's a storage shed, you idiot.

It's good pay.

It's got to look normal.

It's his first day, OK?

It's like the Navy coming and going, coming and going.

It's moving day, Picasso!

It's nine ounces of canned goods, most of it from your apartment.

It's not new, it it's fixed.

It's not the door, Mason.

It's OK, Frank. She's here.

It's OK. No harm done.

It's OK. We're neighbors.

It's our last offer.

It's over.

It's prefab, fiberglass. These people are jerkin' us around.

It's reality!

It's the little fella,

It's the little guys.

It's the Love Boat to Cuba.

It's them. The little guys.

It's time to quit.

It's time to stop.

It's too short!

It's twins!

It's us.

It's you.

It's, uh, falling apart.

It's, um, it's a guy standing in the sun.

Jetsam.

Jetsam.

Jetsam.

Just coming for a hamburger, Pop.

Just get in there. Get in there!

Just give me your arm and slip it through here.

Just watches TV. Loves the commercials.

Just you and me and Flotsam and Jetsam

Lacey, open up and face me like a man!

Lacey, you son of a bitch!

Lacey!

Lady, come on!

Lady, I'm not who you think I am.

Leave the guy alone. How long can he stay there?

Lefty, hey! Give me that ketchup.

Let him go, Harry.

Let him go.

Let me get a nice, big bolt for you.

Let the boy help you.

Let's burn it.

Let's do this.

Let's go. Don't want to miss the big game.

Let's punch it out again, champ.

Let's talk about this. You don't have to say anything.

Like this.

Listen, you are going to stop worrying

Living hardware!

Look at this!

Look out.

Look out. Flying pot.

Look who's here.

Look, he got a good job.

Look, what do you want from me? It's too late, all right?

Look, you're so nervous. I'll fix the door.

Look.

Look. I want him out of my way.

Look. It's plugged itself in.

Look... look at the cornice.

Looks like it's been percolated.

Lots of milk. We've got whole milk,

Machine tooled, flying clockwork known to man!

Machines that reproduce themselves!

Makes the pills go down.

Mama's whole kitchen coming to get you.

Man, that's bullshit. This is my building, man. They're movin' out.

Man, they're getting organized, and look at us.

Man, you shouldn't even be in here. I'm gonna report all you guys.

Marisa Esteval?

Marisa, open up.

Marisa, wait a minute!

Marisa?

Marisa. Marisa, wait a minute!

Mason Baylor?

Mason, do something. Talk to them.

Mason?

Mason?

Mason. Mason, where where is she?

Maybe first thing in the morning.

Maybe it was for you.

Maybe it was me.

Maybe they're here, those things,

Maybe this is all a dream.

Maybe you should try some Spanish on him.

Meaning what?

Mind your own business.

Mm mmm.

Monday and Tuesday don't smell at all

Money's not a good reason to move?

Move back. You heard the man.

Mr. Baylor, do you honestly think

Mr. Lacey, this building burned last night.

Mr. Lacey.

Mr. Lacey. I gave them the money.

Mr. Riley, it's your lucky day!

Mr. Riley?

Mrs. Riley, it's a chunk of metal.

Mrs. Riley, please!

Mrs. Thompson, it was in better shape this morning.

Muriel and Sid. Do you remember?

Muriel has a red record.

Muriel!

My boyfriend's coming. He's gonna take care of me.

My God, Faye.

My leg! My knee! You broke my knee!

My little munchkins.

My... my car.

Never knew you had a mother. Buenos dias, senora!

Never says a word.

No more pigeons, hon.

No party, kid. There's no one home.

No thanks, Mrs. Riley. I can't tonight.

No, dear, it wasn't Bobby.

No, don't kid yourself.

No, don't. You'll queer our luck.

No, it was nice talking to you.

No, it's not.

No, she got smart.

No, they're not toys.

No, um...

No!

No!

No! Don't! Get

No.

Nobody likes reality anymore.

Not a word, not even in the Post.

Not for long.

Not me, them the little guys.

Not now, OK?

Not this time, pal.

Not till then.

Nothing, Pop.

Nothing.

Now they're chunks of metal?

Now we can really look inside

Now we go home.

Now what?

Now, go! You got two minutes.

Now, here we are, dear.

Now, how about I fix your breakfast?

Now, sit down and finish your coffee.

Now, that's more like it.

Now, what about you? You want to sleep over?

Now, what else did you take?

Now, you move out, you go to Miami,

Of course you are, my little munchkin.

Of course you do. It's old and depressing.

Of light and dark.

Oh, come on, you kids.

Oh, dear, come on.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, God, an artist.

Oh, God, what is it?

Oh, God.

Oh, it's perfect.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my goodness, is that a smile?

Oh, my...

Oh, no.

Oh, not here, honey. Back inside on the counter.

Oh, skip that.

Oh, thank you, ma'am.

Oh, that son of a bitch.

Oh, the old Grandey place.

Oh, w

Oh, yeah, here you go.

Oh, yeah? Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I've seen you. You're in Moskowitz' old place.

Oh, you don't like ornament. All right.

Oh, your paintings. Just because you go

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Ohh!

Ohh.

Ohh.

OK, Faye.

OK, here's a good reason.

OK, I got it.

OK, that's it.

OK, what are you looking at?

OK?

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK. Easy now, little guy. That's right.

OK. If it's got to burn down...

Ooh!

Open the door, you hear me?

Open the door.

Or the subway?

Or what it wants.

Or whatever they're called.

Our son kept birds.

Oye, Marisa!

People live here.

Play checkers, bingo...

Please, Faye. Don't do this.

Please...

Poor little soul.

Put a little Fred Astaire into it.

Put on the red record.

Put that down. You guys, come on. Stop playing with that.

Regular!

Remember?

Robert. Mr. B.

Room service!

Round two!

RVs.

Say good bye for us, will you?

See, all you see now is the shadows.

See, I knew you'd be coming.

See, if he moves two steps in any direction,

She doesn't believe me.

She's around here somewhere.

She's been helping.

She's going to get hungry.

She's not here.

Shh! What's that?

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Shuffleboard and pineapples filled with rum.

Shut up, Benny.

Shut up, Benny.

Sit down, everybody.

Sloppy.

Smell like money?

So he travels around a lot,

So when it rains, it don't thin out the liquor.

So when's the baby due?

So, what about you? No more girlfriend?

Social security, that's me.

Some doughnuts.

Somebody...

Somebody's bringing them together.

Somebody's got to do the marketing.

Somebody's helping them.

Someone was in my room.

Sorry.

Spaceships?

Spare parts with intelligence!

Stay away from me.

Stay away from my wife and this building.

Stay back, behind here.

Steak medium rare!

Step aside.

Step back here and look at those proportionates.

Stop calling me that!

Stop him!

Stop them, Frank. Stop them!

Stop!

Stop! Just wait!

Supper's nearly ready.

Sure, from a very small planet.

Sure.

Sure.

Take it away!

Take it from me. I know about this stuff.

Take off that hat so I can get a look at you.

Take the money, Mr. Riley.

Take your hands off of me!

Talk to me.

Thank you very much. How do you know that?

Thanks, Harry.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That it's so cool living with an artist!

That looks delicious, Mrs. Riley.

That the structure is intact and livable.

That was no rat.

That.

That's 'cause of me.

That's all it says.

That's all that counts.

That's bull, man.

That's my favorite.

That's my frying pan.

That's not fair.

That's right, abuela. Break it up.

That's terra cotta.

The Army told me to call you.

The building's down. You won.

The car? No. No.

The fuses! She blew the fuses.

The knock knock boys.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

The moldings, the relief!

The quickest way to end a miracle

The storeroom.

Then patrol the neighborhood, for crying out loud!

There it is!

There you go, fool!

There, now you got less to move.

There, wait there. Wait there.

There.

There's cold cereal in here

There's no problem, I assure you.

They did a good job.

They got something hooked up.

They have that knack.

They leave the nest!

They like to fix things.

They put paper umbrellas sticking out the top,

They won't stay if there's no water and electricity.

They'll have 18 witnesses saying they were somewhere else.

They're autogiros or smart bombs.

They're back, Faye. They're back.

They're just trying to make me look bad.

They're microchip hovercraft.

They're paying you to move out.

They're shy.

They're spaceships. You can tell by lookin' at them.

They're the fix its.

This calls for cigars.

This is history!

This is Lacey.

This is my building. I did the job. I cleared it.

This is my place! I grew up here, for God's sake!

This is the eighties, Mason.

This is the letter you've been waiting for.

This is, uh...

This isn't Carlos.

This little guy is the golden goose.

This must be Carlos.

This one's still here. It can be restored.

This will really sound silly,

This, uh, place here,

Those aren't toys, you guys.

Those people are making plans on their own.

To honor and protect you...

To sit around in a restaurant they're supposed to be knocking down.

Today they collect the garbage.

Today, we got money.

Tomorrow, you ain't gone

Tomorrow.

Tonight. I'll have them out by tonight.

Tonight's the night.

Too late. It's too late.

Tremendous.

Two or three more months. I'm not sure.

Two over easy, English, no toast, and hold the spuds.

Uh huh.

Uh, Carlos.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, let me see.

Uh, smells good, Pop. You back in business?

Uh...

Uh... Mr. and Mrs. Riley?

Um... they're on their way to Chicago.

Unexplained phenomena, man.

Vamos a posar.

Vamos a posar.

Vamos a posar. Hey!

Very small.

Waaa!

Wait a minute. Excuse me.

Wait a minute. I live here. Upstairs.

Wait a minute. Last night you were so excited.

Wait up! Would you stop?

Wait! Give us another chance!

Wait! Would you stop?

Wanna see a strange object?

Want to do business? Severance pay.

Want to get us both killed? It's gonna blow any minute!

Was that Bobby?

Wave to your mother.

We apologize. He didn't mean to pry.

We bring good things to life.

We didn't do anything.

We got plans for those people.