Out Cold Edit

A brand new, streamlined...

A condom...

A kind of drink. It's called...

A lot of drinking and a lot of thinking.

A lot of thinking about why I act the way I do.

A slice of heaven...

A suit.

About a good "Planet of the Apes" film...

About how you're still on the rebound?

Actually, he was Mr. Mankowicz, but you can call me...

Actually, I have to turn in.

Actually, I'll catch up to you guys later.

Actually, Rick's got a pretty heavy workload tomorrow...

Adults kick other adults' asses all the time.

After all, you're practically family now.

Afternoon, everybody.

All I'm saying is that if we play ball...

All my friends get to stay on board, right?

All right, fine. You win. I'll go.

All right, guys, you know what to do.

All right, I'm down.

All right, then. One... two... three!

All right! Beautiful!

All right.

All right.

All right. At my signal...

And a fire hydrant.

And a picture of his grandma... no!

And be the new manager of Snownook.

And blazing down that mountain bare assed...

And by dice, I mean testicles.

And cut me some limes?

And don't give me this broken heart rigamarole.

And FDR was runnin' this country into the ground.

And five shots of Goldschlager, please.

And he said, "Don't go changin'."

And I have a super duper surprise for all of you...

And I love him, Rick. I really do.

And I love you more than any man's ever loved a woman...

And I might need a little help.

And I need to stop talking for a second.

And I really did fall for you.

And I say, let's do somethin' about it.

And I think it's due to the fact that I'm...

And I think it's time that we do something...

And I'm gonna look at him and tell him...

And if he doesn't like it...

And if you don't believe me, by God...

And it's awful. The dogs survived, though.

And leave town with our tail between our legs.

And let me know?

And lnga's mother was Swiss.

And not much else.

And not that bogus Majors Resort "family"...

And now, the three peat champion of King of the Mountain...

And Papa loved to drink...

And Pig Pen, my poor excuse for a brother.

And somebody's gonna buy it anyway.

And staked his claim to it the old fashioned way...

And steal a few street signs...

And tell you everything...

And ten pounds of salt.

And that is, he who has the gold card makes the rules.

And that time, it wasn't even a threat.

And the year before, and both years before that.

And their blue ropes.

And then I just sneaked in, and...

And then I saw her.

And then, one day, she asked me...

And then, poof! She disappears.

And tie them together.

And to publicize my purchase of the mountain...

And to run the day to day operations...

And we went right up to her hotel room...

And when I met you... I don't know, I just...

And you got freaky deaky with her...

And you know why? We're your friends.

And you will be back at the plate in no time.

And you're about to dip your skis...

And you're all fired! Every one of you!

And you're gonna side with Majors...

And, as an added bonus...

And... I think that you should tell Barry...

And... it sucks.

And... this Barry guy is lucky.

Anna has told me a lot about you.

Anna, I don't know why you're here, but leave him alone, OK?

Anna, I love you.

Anna's getting married.

Anthony, come on. What are you doing?

Anthony, is that you?

Anthony, Luke, Pierre...

Any questions you might have...

Anybody who ever tells you that money won't buy you love...

Are we about to have another conversation...

Are we done with this crap?

Are we still makin' this movie?

Are you all so wild?

Are you from around here'?

Are you hurt'?

Are you saying that I have to kiss your ass now?

Are you sniffing me?

Are you still hung up on Anna?

As long as you shave.

As my employees, you're expected to behave...

As the inheritor of his estate...

At least Stewart has his act together enough to ask me out.

At the same time.

Ate a yard sale and barfed it out.

Attention, all guests...

Babe, I love chicks.

Barry is flying the guys to Anchorage.

Be mature about this.

Beautiful.

Because you're getting on that plane.

Beer? I got beer! I got it!

Before my fist makes an appointment with your ass?

Before she becomes Mrs. Doctor Asswipe.

Better put somethin' on that.

Bring it on, big man!

Bull Mountain is not just our job, it's our home.

Bull Mountain is our home...

Bull Mountain will have new management.

Bull Mountain, don't go changin'!

Bull Mountain, that was our town.

Bull Mountain! Don't go changin'!

But a little change, it's not gonna hurt this place.

But as the new manager...

But at least it was familiar to me.

But first, I'm gonna whomp your ass!

But have you seen the women from Aspen?

But how does that help me?

But I am not gonna take romantic advice from somebody...

But I do believe in the golden rule...

But I don't want to make a habit...

But I thought about it, and it all adds up to one thing...

But I wanted you to know that I want you to stay on...

But I would be delighted to show you around the mountain.

But I'm ready... how do you say... to schlafenzeit.

But it's either this, or he won't buy the mountain.

But it's not like you get to pick your parents.

But it's time to move on.

But most importantly...

But most of all, Papa loved to ski and drink...

But she never showed up.

But there's something that I have to say to you.

But this is the best vanilla latte...

But this is the ground floor you're gettin' in on today.

But we stole it fair and square.

But when the time came to do it...

But you couldn't drink the water.

Buy yourself a drink at the bar.

By droppin' his britches...

Calm down, Lance.

Can I ask you something?

Can I talk to you?

Can you get an STD from a polar bear?

Can you go get some ice from the bar?

Can you hear me?

Cancun, Mexico.

Carpe the Diem!

Check it out!

Cheers, everybody!

Cheers!

Cheers.

Chicken!

Chicks love me, so it's all good.

Chop chop with them bags there.

Come here, kid. Give me a hug.

Come here!

Come on, baby. Twenty one.

Come on, boys! You're workin' on my time now.

Come on, get 'em off!

Come on, guys!

Come on, man.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Get out of the way!

Come on! We're gonna beat him!

Come on.

Come on. Let's move.

Come on. Not you. Him in his white tuxedo.

Coming through.

Condominiums, eateries, shopping, wine bars, cigar bars.

Cool.

Cut the music off!

Cut!

Damn him!

Damn, what was that?

Damn!

Damn! What the hell was that?

Damn. You ski that?

Dance with Tito there. He loves to boogie.

Definitely.

Did I ever tell you how I invented snowboarding?

Did somebody just say...

Did you enjoy your nap?

Do it! Call me retard one more time!

Do not interrupt!

Do you have $100 million? I don't. You?

Does that mean... is Rick around?

Doesn't mean things change between us, OK?

Don't flatter yourself.

Don't let him pass!

Don't sweat having to pay for 'em.

Don't thank me. You deserve it.

Don't touch me!

Don't wipe out.

Don't you eyeball me!

Don't you worry, little brother. I got your back on this one.

Drink up, half pint.

Drink!

Duck!

Each year, Papa would say thank you...

Effective immediately. I'm sorry.

Eric, you ever notice that you're always...

Ever since I was a little kid...

Ever since they took my bar away from me...

Everybody ready?

Everybody, pants at half mast.

Everyone must have a beer.

Everything is fine!

Everything's just fine!

Everywhere.

Expansion and contraction.

Expiration date 1997...

Fire!

First floor, Alaska.

Five...

For a hell mooch stuck in a hot tub.

For being a prick.

For every six months you were together...

For lots and lots of American dollars...

Four dogsled pileup.

Four...

From the moment we caught eyes...

From their 19 hour work day in the freezing sleet...

Gay?

Gay?

Get away from my head!

Get him in.

Get in!

Get off our mountain, asshole!

Get out of here. You're welcome.

Get out of my way!

Get that sign straight, guys!

Get that statue out of here!

Get those guys out of here! Bunch of losers!

Get!

Get' em off!

Go grand, Anthony!

Go make tinkle, or it's your job.

Go!

Go! Get out of here!

Go.

Go.

God, here she comes.

God!

God!

God! Can't you see this is a dejected man?

God.

God. You know, maybe...

Goin' to drink, everybody!

Good boy... I mean, girl.

Good evening.

Good girl.

Good morning, ladies. The name's Pen.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good.

Good. First thing in the morning.

Got a little surprise for you boys.

Got him, Lance?

Got you a little gift. I'll see you out there.

Guys on oil rigs get laid a lot, right?

Guys, a little sensitivity here!

Guys, I love Bull Mountain as much as anyone else...

Guys, if this is gonna be it, let's make it count.

Guys, look.

Guys, stop!

Guys, you know, more girls?

Hang on.

Has been bitching and moaning all week long...

Have sex with me?

He doesn't feel that.

He held up his beer, he looked at the mountain that he loves...

He knows that we're leaving...

He stole it from the Eskimos.

He thinks you're all totally incompetent.

He's a pilot, too? He's a doctor and a pilot?

He's coming in day after tomorrow.

He's flying up in a couple of days to see me.

He's given me no choice. You're fired.

He's gonna kill me.

He's had a crush on that bench for a long time.

Hell, they ain't ever been to Reno.

Hell, they only got eight words for snow.

Hello there.

Hello, stranger.

Help me!

Help!

Help! Retard? Short Stack? Anybody?

Here for the anniversary festival.

Here I come, baby!

Here's what I don't get, all right, is...

Hey there, Rick. Welcome to the winning team.

Hey, Anna, you made it!

Hey, boss, I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow, OK?

Hey, boys, look good in those uniforms.

Hey, boys.

Hey, come on, kids.

Hey, everybody!

Hey, everybody.

Hey, fellas!

Hey, fellas. Great day, isn't it?

Hey, girlfriend. What you drinkin'?

Hey, girls, it's bedtime.

Hey, it's no problem. Don't worry about it.

Hey, Jenny, you think you could tie up my boots?

Hey, Lance.

Hey, listen.

Hey, Luke, why don't you mind your own beeswax...

Hey, man, don't fret!

Hey, no fair!

Hey, retard.

Hey, Rick, come on over here.

Hey, Rick, lookin' good. Money suits you.

Hey, stop those guys!

Hey, thanks a lot.

Hey, there, Rick. Nice monkey suit.

Hey, there.

Hey, Toby.

Hey, Village Person, why don't you be a macho man...

Hey, you're dribbling! Watch the shoes!

His first wife was English, my mother was French...

His last words were from a Billy Joel song?

His mug's empty.

Hold up! I can explain it! I can explain everything.

Honey...

Horny maker.

Hot friggin' chicks.

Hot sluts with tits.

How did you guys get in?

How you doin', ladies?

How you doing tonight?

How's that for irony?

How's the hot tub, Luke?

How's there a problem with that?

I am to be here today.

I appreciate that, I really do, but I just quit.

I assure you everything's completely under control.

I barely even recognize this place.

I bet each one has its own exciting story, no?

I can do it without the song, you know.

I can fly you guys down to Anchorage if you want.

I can see it now, huh? Can't you see it?

I can't believe I was so stupid!

I can't tell you how happy and excited...

I could sue you for sexual harassment now.

I deserved it. It's OK.

I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know you were here, Rick. I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to leave you like that in Mexico.

I didn't think I'd be able to, so I left.

I don't even care anymore.

I don't have to write a test to tell you that I take drugs.

I don't know how to say this. I'm...

I don't know if I know...

I don't know where to start.

I don't know, Rick. Why would we even want this place to change?

I don't know. Maybe this guy will be cool.

I don't like the coffee.

I don't think he's coming, Jenny.

I don't think Muntz has the pull around here...

I don't want credit for it, but they keep givin' it to me.

I fell in love with you, too, I guess.

I get it. You're right. It's stupid.

I got fag practice in the morning, so I understand.

I got him, OK?

I got it.

I got trained.

I got work to do.

I gotta refuel the tanks.

I guess it's the moonlight and a bottle of Goldschlager...

I guess not.

I had ten other engaged chicks fall for me that week, too...

I have ever had in my entire life.

I have not.

I have to give Mr. Mays a snowboard lesson.

I have to... nice to meet you.

I just... I want you to know that I am happy for you.

I kind of like the song, Stewart.

I kind of like the way you do it.

I knew she wasn't like the other girls there.

I know it sucks...

I know you want to defend your title.

I know.

I like this place exactly the way it is.

I love men!

I love that smell.

I mean, this is all that we have.

I mean, you've never even told me it...

I mean, your hotel looks like a Motel 6...

I met her at the most beautiful romantic place on earth...

I might let you.

I need everybody to be calm and take your tops off.

I need to borrow Fred Astaire here for one hot minute.

I never met an American boy before.

I never saw Anna again.

I quit!

I really am. I've nothing against you...

I seem to have a thing for immature boys.

I skateboarded off a truck into a fire hydrant.

I swear to God, he's runnin' this country!

I take full legal responsibility.

I think I want to have sex with this guy.

I think Rick here'll do just fine.

I think that if we put a lift to the top...

I think that's you.

I think we're checking out a movie...

I thought I fired your ass!

I told you. You look great.

I want to fight for you.

I wanted to be either a doctor or a blooper...

I wanted to see if you wanted to dance.

I was at the buffet table.

I was bummin' in a hole in the wall town...

I was engaged when I met you.

I was just gonna say that I was adopted, but...

I was there.

I was wondering if you can make...

I will have a beer, then.

I will have your ass!

I will make it up to you any way that I can.

I will wait here with him.

I won't be long.

I... no.

I'd be gettin' with every dude on this mountain.

I'll get over it, though.

I'll have to work on that one.

I'll need you to fill these cups.

I'll take a Geritol so I can keep up.

I'm a genius.

I'm all right.

I'm coming!

I'm doing my laundry.

I'm down, but if we're stayin'...

I'm Eric Montclair.

I'm goin' in!

I'm gonna do her.

I'm gonna get me some.

I'm gonna go let him know.

I'm gonna have to polish this turd...

I'm gonna need a bucket, a paint brush...

I'm gonna stay here, so your dad doesn't know where you went.

I'm gonna take Kung Fu and kick your friggin' ass.

I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm having second thoughts about kicking this guy's ass.

I'm hot!

I'm in.

I'm in.

I'm likin' that. Come on, man. Give me a break. What's up?

I'm not an easy guy.

I'm not gonna let Anna get away again.

I'm not gonna wear this unitard... period.

I'm not good at anything else.

I'm only gonna offer this once.

I'm Queen of the Mountain, baby.

I'm selling it...

I'm sleepy.

I'm sorry, guys. My dad can be a jerk, I know...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just... Believe me, I had to.

I'm supposed to my schtrepsister be meeting here.

I'm taking some steps to clean this place up.

I'm the new Team Snownook patrol leader.

I'm your father.

I've always wanted to be a flight attendant.

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

I've been practicing.

I've got one thing to say to you.

I've got some unfinished business to take care of!

I've had worse.

I've invited my board members...

I've never been a man of words...

I've seen it all before.

If I must.

If I tell you, will you promise to shut up about it?

If I want to sell my investors on it.

If this deal's gonna go through...

If you ain't on the list...

If you haven't kissed up to the king, let me know.

If you weren't gay, you'd be a pretty weird guy.

If you're planning on coming up...

In a manner consistent with a world class resort.

In one of his famous "moon shine" runs.

In that case, hop on.

In the entire country.

In the intro for "Sports Bloopers"?

In what is now called Utah.

Inga, get your clothes on!

Inga, I love you!

Inga, I've loved you from the first time that I saw you...

Inga, will you...

Into some soft, deep powder...

Is it me, or do you even fight like a retard?

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Is that I think... I know that I'm in love with her.

Is the new manager of the mountain, y'all!

Isn't that Anthony?

It all started when a young buck named Herbert Muntz...

It doesn't really allow my dice to roll down there...

It got so bad that a fellow that liked to...

It happened at the X Games a couple of years ago.

It looks like they were painted on.

It might give him a heart attack.

It sounded like you were asking me out on a date.

It was like heaven...

It would be the most popular snowboard park...

It's a little too...

It's a long story.

It's a pleasure to meet you. I wipe out all the time.

It's a race to the bottom.

It's almost impossible to hike.

It's Anna.

It's been a long time.

It's gonna be OK, ladies. Jiggle more!

It's just that I was a little... bummed out.

It's no mystery.

It's not "Alive," is it'?

It's OK. You know? I mean...

It's our home!

It's show time, baby, come on!

It's time to destroy this little celebration!

It's time to get back on that board, man.

Jeez. He's way too into this.

Jenny, what's going on?

Jiggle it.

Jiggle it.

John Majors of Major Resorts.

John Majors!

Just 'cause we're incompetent.

Just a sec.

Just call me "John."

Just give me a second here.

Just jiggle it!

Just kidding, Short Stack.

Just one beautiful...

Just so we can "hook up"...

Just the way I like it!

Just to let her punch your lift ticket all over again.

King of the Mountain?

King of the Mountain.

Knock, knock.

Ladies, how you doing?

Ladies, you're missing out.

Ladies.

Lance, can I get a drink for...

Lance, everybody knows. Nobody cares.

Lance, get his pants.

Lance, you don't have to do that anymore, buddy.

Lance, you don't have to do that, either.

Last year, he died with his boots on...

Later.

Let me check your boot.

Let me get some of that.

Let me go!

Let me show you out.

Let's do it.

Let's do this.

Let's get a drink. Come on.

Let's give Lance a chance, all right?

Let's go. Come on, guys. All right.

Let's kick his ass!

Let's move it!

Let's put Papa Muntz back where he belongs.

Let's see.

Let's... play safe, all right?

Like a sensible mature adult...

Listen, I've had it with these jackass employees of yours.

Listen, man, I just want to hear the story, that's all.

Lock 'em and load 'em, boys!

Lock her in the Humvee till he's gone.

Look alive, Eric.

Look at him.

Look out! Watch out!

Look out.

Look, I don't do this pining thing well...

Look, I know. I was just...

Look, I really am sorry.

Look, I'd like to apologize if you'll let me.

Look, I'm not gonna lose you again.

Look, I'm really sorry about that.

Look, I'm sorry, too, OK?

Look, if worse comes to worse...

Look, just because I'm your boss...

Look, last night we both said a lot of things.

Look, Muntz is gonna sell this mountain...

Look, Rick, I feel for you, 'cause I've been through it...

Look, we'll always have Pedro O'Horny's, right?

Look, your personal life is none of my business...

Looks pretty hairy, sir.

Lord.

Lower. Nice.

Luke, I thought I told you to never play that...

Luke, if you would do the honors, please.

Majors is really pissed.

Majors is your father?

Make sure you bundle up because it's freezing out there, OK?

Make yourself at home. Just don't hit me anymore in my nuts.

Man, who the hell are you?

Man, you must be proud, huh?

Man. If I was her...

Maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentleman's duel...

Maybe the buyer can supply...

Me and Luke, see, we had just shown up...

More like bad real estate values.

Morning, Mr. Majors.

Most people can't do the whole mountain in one day.

Mr. Majors, this is Rick Rambis...

Mr. Majors? What happened to John?

Mr. October batting for the other team?

Muntz is selling the mountain.

Muntz, there's some really pissed off Eskimos...

Muntz! How can you do this?

My ass is numb!

My brother.

My daddy was Mr. Majors. Actually, he was Mr. Mankowicz.

My schtepsister.

Needed burnin'.

Nestled in the cleavage of Alaska's high country.

News flash.

Nice place. When's his lease up?

Nice work, Lance.

Nice!

Nice!

Nineteen.

No brains, no headache.

No offense, Short Stack, but you give me the creeps.

No problem.

No problem.

No swimsuit...

No tan lines.

No, let's handle ourselves like adults.

No, man, we just talked.

No, not really.

No, stay. We'll cuddle.

No, wait. Better yet...

No, you didn't.

No. I got molested by a hot tub last night.

No. I'm just a really lazy guy.

No. Remind me.

No. Snownook.

No. We're not models.

No. We're not models.

No. What are you doing?

No. You didn't hear'?

No. You know what? You guys are right.

Not at all. Go on, have fun.

Not even once.

Not King of the No ball Pussy Losers.

Not really. You've seen what they've done to the place.

Not that I was good at this, whatever this whole thing was...

Not that you're being...

Not tonight, Pig Pen!

Nothing would piss off my schtepfather more.

Now you can run this place to your full potential.

Now, how in the hell does that happen?

Now, I know we're all gonna be homies...

Now, there's something I have to tell you, though.

Now, with my signature and your money...

Now! Move! I don't have time to discuss this!

Now... you didn't help me out, and now I can't help you out.

Nowadays, Papa's boy runs the mountain.

Of all the bars in all the ski towns in Alaska...

Of course I'm serious. Here's your contract.

Of Papa's life.

Oh, God! Please!

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

Oh, my God, guys.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, you can't get to heaven on rollerskates

OK, come on.

OK, John. Well, where do you want to start?

OK, then $40. All the locals in free. Come on.

OK, they're packed. Let's skedaddle.

OK. As most of you have heard, by next week...

OK. Here's how it works.

OK. How about I do up one, and you do the other.

OK. Three weeks. So, then that means...

OK. Well, I think I could play it once.

OK. Whatever.

Old habits die hard.

On their occasional break...

On your marks, get set...

Once I get in the driver's seat.

One after the other...

One fuzzy navel for the lady.

One more fuzzy navel for the lady.

One of our low to mid level employees.

One, two, three!

One.

One... two... three...

Open the door, Pig Pen!

Open the door!

Or bong.

Or drink a little ripple, crow like a rooster...

Or maybe how to get the resin...

Other than the occasional girl...

Otherwise, you're gonna regret it your whole life.

Ouch!

Our boy Rick here...

Our friend little Rick Rambis...

Our uncle works on one in Nome, and we'd be great at that.

Out of being your little shoulder to cry on, OK?

Out of my bong, I'll come to you, OK?

Outside right now, man. They say they want their land back.

Papa loved to ski...

Papa Muntz wanted you to run this mountain.

Papa Muntz!

Papa...

Particularly charming or anything.

Passe. Done that, took pictures.

Passed out again.

People.

Perhaps tonight is the night that we crown this year's...

Pierre? Your name's Pierre?

Pig Pen, if you would.

Pig Pen, put her down!

Pig Pen, what are you doing?

Pig Pen, when I want advice...

Pig Pen, you go to the bathroom in the cup!

Pig Pen, you're on fire.

Piled into a fence. Pretty messy.

Pipe down, retard.

Play it once for old time's sake.

Please play it. Come on.

Please, I wanted to say good bye to you...

Please, the whole cabin is freezing!

Please.

Plus, she wasn't puking.