Knock Knock Edit

A game? A game?

A husband, a father of two,

About what?

Actually, I'm feeling much better.

Actually, um...

Actually, we're flight attendants.

Actually, would you mind if we just used your computer for a sec?

Actually... Karen should have told you,

After the mess they made at the gallery.

Ah, genius.

Ahhh!

All it needs is you.

All our contacts are on our phones.

All right, I'm coming in,

All right, Monkey.

All the way from one percent land,

All you have to do is answer the question, Evan.

An architect and an artist.

An insane collection.

And filthy.

And I pretended to be asleep.

And I was trying to navigate, but there was repair trucks.

And I'm not planning on taking a shower.

And it'll be here in...

And now we have to play a game with someone else.

And pasta.

And she's so hot.

And that's just for one of us.

And that's why Evan's out.

And the star of Family Feud, Richard Dawson!

And then we're gonna go see Monkey, okay?

And while we were having sex

And you just fucking fucked me!

And you never get to see your family again?

And you snuck into my room?

And you won't believe this, but if you put it in rice

And you wouldn't do the same?

And your business ruined

And...

Are you ashamed of us? Or are you fucking her, too?

Are you here, monster?

Are you hungry now?

Are you okay? Oh, fuck!

Are you ready!

Are you religious?

Argh!

Arghh!

Arghh!

Ashley's online.

Assuming they got the color right this time.

At 1:30 in the morning.

Attaboy, Evan. Fuck her!

Baby, I get it. Don't stress.

Because I know that's the only way he'll never cheat on me.

Because I wanted you all to myself.

Because then this'll help.

Bel, Bel, untie me, please?

Bel, Genesis! Call an ambulance, for fuck's sake!

Bel, I'll do whatever you want.

Bel, please help him!

Bel, stop!

Bel!

Bel!

Bel! Stop, please!

Bel?

Bel?

Bel.

Belly! Belly! Catch! Catch!

Bitch, you're barking up the wrong fucking tree.

Bless you.

But could we maybe throw our clothes in your dryer just for, like, 10 minutes?

But could you please tell us where the Gregorys live?

But first,

But if Daddy doesn't work this weekend, we'll have to live in a box.

But now he's okay.

But really, I can't. Please, get dressed.

But she's having a big gallery show in LA.

But that storm blew branches out all over town.

But the lifeline is a phone call.

But this is really... This is upsetting!

But when you took off my clothes,

But you know what? It's your life.

But you made me feel 15 again. Thanks, Evan.

But you were keeping secrets from us, Evan.

But you'd look so hot with short hair.

But, uh, I love the sound of vinyl.

By that name.

Bye, Daddy.

Bye, Evan! Muah! We'll miss you!

Bye, Evan.

Bye, guys.

Bye, Monkey.

Bye, Monkey.

Bye!

Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!

Call 911!

Call 911!

Call an ambulance, I promise I won't say anything!

Call me when you get there.

Can a cock answer an iPhone?

Can you give us a ride?

Can you put it on?

Castration?

Cause you're gonna go deaf in about 10 seconds from now.

Cheating "Evan tually" gets you killed.

Chilean, actually.

Close the door. Close the door.

Come in.

Come on in.

Come on, any guy that ripped

Come on, Belly. Looks like Evan lost his sense of humor.

Come on, Evan.

Come on, just one day.

Come on, where is it, Daddy?

Come on.

Come on. Playtime's over.

Come on...

Come to think of it, Evan doesn't even have any fucking nieces.

Cool car, Evan.

Cool.

Correct answer is death.

Correct!

Dad, are you sure you can't come to the beach with us?

Dad, why can't we take Monkey to the beach with us?

Daddies.

Daddy had a party.

Daddy, don't forget to send all your party pix on Instagram.

Daddy!

Daddy?

Daddy?

Damn right it didn't, Evan!

Death?

Death?

Did I say something funny?

Did you forget what you did to me all those years?

Did you pack your gun?

Digging a grave is fucking tiring.

Disappear or you're fucking dead.

Discover.

DJ'ing is like mixing a drink.

Do not move!

Do what you have to do.

Do you believe in destiny, Evan?

Do you guys want to live in a box?

Do you know what this is?

Do you really love them, Evan?

Do you want to check my ID?

Do you, baby?

Doggy style, Belly!

Doggy style, Belly!

Don't be mad, Evan.

Don't do this. Please?

Don't fucking move!

Don't let me get cold.

Don't let your breakky get cold.

Don't move, Evan. You might get dirt in your eyes.

Don't smoke all our weed.

Don't worry about anything,

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. I'll call an Uber.

Don't you want to come in and meet my mom?

Don't you want to fuck your little girl again?

Don't you, Evan?

Don't!

Drinks are on the house and they pay you for it.

English, English. You guys sound too sexy.

Enjoy yourself. I'm out.

Enjoy!

Especially when you're only there for 24 hours.

Evan, can you hold me?

Evan, I have something to confess.

Evan, I'm so sorry I'm late,

Evan, this should be easy for you.

Evan!

Evan!

Evan!

Evan! Stop!

Evan?

Evan?

Evan?

Evan?

Evan.

Evan. Look at us.

Even calling your family and telling them everything you did to us?

Everywhere.

Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me where Evan is?

Excuse me.

FaceTime. Karen!

FaceTime. Karen.

Father's Day party that me and your dad are gonna have tonight.

Fifteen gets you 20, right?

Fifteen to 20 years?

First you find the right ingredients,

For a moment, I thought you were the one who'd say no.

For tonight's contestant,

Four.

Fourteen years, nope.

Fuck her like it was last night.

Fuck her.

Fuck me like you fuck Mommy!

Fuck me like you fuck Mommy!

Fuck me like you fuck your little daughter!

Fuck me, Daddy!

Fuck me, Daddy!

Fuck me, Daddy!

Fuck me, Daddy!

Fuck me! Fuck me!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck!

Fucker!

Fucking bitches!

Fucking douche bag.

Fucking whores!

Genesis, please don't point that at me.

Genesis, please, this is crazy, untie me!

Genesis, please, this isn't the answer!

Genesis! Please, this isn't his fault! Please call an ambulance, help him!

Get a haircut, Dad!

Get back inside.

Get dressed!

Get dressed.

Get dressed. Now.

Get out!

Get that sheet, cover him up.

Get the fuck away from me!

Get the fuck off me! Leave me alone!

Get up! And get dressed!

Girls?

Give it to him!

Go ahead, talk.

Go get the chainsaw, man!

Go home, Monkey.

Go!

Go!

Go.

God damn it! Fuck!

God, God!

God! God!

God! I can't hear! I can't hear!

Good night.

Good.

Gracias, Louis.

Gracias.

Great. Great. Great.

Guys, I have your clothes, they're pretty much dry.

Guys, the car's outside.

Guys!

Had you gotten to this before us

Hang on, I'll get you an iPad and some towels.

Happily. Okay?

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

Happy Father's Day!

Have you ever had two girls do this to you before?

Haven't you ever made a mistake?

He can make anything disappear.

He doesn't want your massage.

He kicks, I shoot.

He knows that.

He won't.

He's back at the beach.

He's gone. Get the fuck up.

He's my Daddy.

He's not only an architect but also a DJ,

He's so hairy.

Hello, Ms. Bel.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello. It's me, Louis!

Help me!

Help me! Help me!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help! Help!

Help! Help! Help!

Help! Please help me! Somebody help me!

Help! Please somebody, help!

Hence, starfish.

Here we come.

Here.

Here.

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

Hey, Evan?

Hey, guys, hot off the presses.

Hey, it's our little secret.

Hey, Louis!

Hey, you're alive.

Hi, this is Karen Alvarado,

Hi! Hello.

Hi! It's perfect.

Hold still.

Honey, it's perfect.

Honey. I'm sorry for what I'm gonna tell you.

Hope you don't mind.

How about covered in her lipstick?

How can you judge anyone?

How can you keep this here with kids?

How did you know that would mix?

How do you know about that?

How far away from school

How is that even possible?

How long have you and your wife been together?

How many family men have survived this game?

How much!

How the fuck do you know that!

How's the house?

Hugs!

Huh?

Huh? You like what you see?

Humans are the only species that practice monogamy.

I actually studied art history.

I am, I am.

I can drive out there.

I can try and fix it.

I can't do this. I'm married.

I cannot keep everybody happy all the time.

I cannot wait to see her exhibition.

I caught him doing crunches in the mirror.

I could go deaf!

I couldn't pretend any longer.

I did see Evan in here earlier,

I didn't think you had it in you.

I do air boxing.

I don't appreciate your tone of voice.

I don't know any of these.

I don't know, she's not my friend.

I don't know.

I don't need her therapy anymore, it's healing.

I don't own a gun, I don't shoot people.

I don't own a gun.

I don't think he can talk.

I don't think people just meet randomly.

I don't think we'd be having this conversation.

I don't want him to kick me.

I forgot how strong Vanessa's weed was.

I freaked out when I turned 18.

I got it all under control. You have a good weekend at the beach.

I got it.

I got you a car, I brought you your clothes,

I have a lot of work to do this weekend.

I have evidence.

I have in Sonoma with those massage therapists.

I haven't been home in like four years.

I honestly don't know.

I hope you're not angry at me anymore, Daddy.

I hung up as soon as it hit voice mail. I knew you'd pussy out.

I just have a funny story for them.

I just woke up.

I know I can take the both of you.

I know two ghetto ass hos when I see 'em!

I know whenever I get married,

I know,

I let you in,

I like building up the anticipation.

I love Karen. I love her so much, how is she?

I love my children. I love my wife.

I love the lifeline part. Let's see.

I love these colors.

I love this album. You have good taste.

I love this color! Red's my favorite!

I love this one.

I love you so much.

I love you, Daddy.

I love you. I can't help it.

I made a mistake.

I made you some tea.

I mean, "tonight" for the super secret party.

I mean, are you... Are you in school or something?

I mean, his English was worse than mine.

I mean, man in the middle.

I mean, we're animals. We're more animals than animals.

I mean, who'd want to fuck that?

I mean...

I must say

I once got offered a tour when I was a DJ.

I only did that to Mommy

I promise we'll finish this as soon as I get back.

I remember I fucked this model once,

I said knock knock.

I see you've met Monkey.

I sure as hell don't bend the rules for my own convenience.

I swear, I swear I was sitting there for 15 minutes

I think it is 20.

I think it should be bigger.

I think it's a little late for an ambulance, Evan.

I think that if we are here, together,

I think they did.

I thought you guys left.

I thought you were, like, 28 or 30 at the most.

I told Vivian tomorrow at 2:00.

I told you he'd believe it.

I told you that he was going the wrong way.

I trusted you both, how could you fuck my wife?

I understand men.

I wanna play hide and seek.

I want cake for breakfast.

I want to go to Paris, Evan.

I want to see it.

I was 29 and she was 20.

I was a good guy, I'm a good father!

I wasn't flirting, I was being a gentleman.

I went to SVA.

I will. I love you.

I won't. I promise.

I would love nothing more, sport.

I would.

I wouldn't waste my last few hours crying about it.

I... I don't even know my own number, can you believe it?

I'd like to report a break in.

I'd offer you a hand, but all I can lift is this coffee.

I'd take somebody that's older and more experienced over an Abercrombie model any day.

I'll be outside!

I'll do whatever you want. I'll do whatever you want.

I'll drive you wherever you want.

I'll fucking kill you, you fucking fuck bitch cunt!

I'll fucking kill you! You fucking bitches!

I'll get your clothes.

I'll give you a relaxation massage,

I'll go deaf! I'll go deaf!

I'll go get Genesis.

I'll go get you some.

I'll tell them.

I'll, uh...

I'm 43.

I'm a good father!

I'm a good father.

I'm a good person.

I'm an architect.

I'm Bel, by the way.

I'm Bernadette. I'm Uncle Evan's niece.

I'm calling the cops right now.

I'm calling the fucking police.

I'm crazy about you.

I'm flattered.

I'm from Oakland, ho!

I'm glad we knocked on your door.

I'm gonna tell the driver that you're coming out.

I'm having a way better time here

I'm here to heal,

I'm jealous.

I'm just an architect, but, uh,

I'm no expert, I was only there for a semester, but,

I'm not cutting it.

I'm not having a party,

I'm not like you, Evan.

I'm not looking, so excuse me.

I'm not so sure.

I'm not used to girls just being so open about that.

I'm so fucking stupid!

I'm so sorry, it was warmer here.

I'm sorry, Daddy.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure monster can wait till Monday.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of likes though.

I'm working very hard.

I've loved you ever since Mommy brought you home.

If I can get out of that conference

If I ever see your fucking lying face again.

If I were you,

If our bodies are capable of doing it,

If you don't log out someone could do terrible things with it.

If you promise to behave, I'll take out the gag.

If you really love me,

Ignore that asshole.

In fact, you know what?

In the beginning.

Introducing the Levy family!

Is going against your own nature.

Is it a Father's Day present for Daddy?

Is it prison where you get ****d every day

Is more into his own ass than yours.

Is nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you

Is that all you do?

Is that real?

Is that your final answer?

Is their daddy, huh?

Is this the last one?

It even knocked two traffic lights out.

It had nothing to do with them.

It is the only way.

It just shows up at my fucking door!

It kinda dries it out.

It looks like he's trying to communicate.

It was a little bit hairy for a while,

It was awesome.

It was free pizza! Free fucking pizza!

It was just a game, Evan.

It was Kantner, not Canter.

It'll help circulate.

It's a little bit magenta, but it's almost perfect.

It's almost dry though.

It's Aunt Karen's stuff, we wouldn't go near it.

It's because

It's been awhile.

It's called "To Catch a Predator."

It's cheating. We still have 90 minutes.

It's dangerous.

It's fine. It's fine.

It's gonna be such a shame to see your wife divorce you!

It's here.

It's in our DNA.

It's just sex.

It's just sex. We're all adults here.

It's just...

It's Karen on FaceTime!

It's like being a fake rock star.

It's like destiny that we were meant to meet.

It's like this.

It's looking for a driver.

It's more like "momma."

It's not exactly MOMA...

It's really a hobby now, I haven't had a real gig in years.

It's supposed to be bubble wrapped and packed up and ready to go.

It's time for Monkey to go to bed.

It's time for the Family Feud!

It's Vivian!

It's your relationship, Evan.

Jackpot!

Jake got stung by a jellyfish. He was crying.

Jake. Lisa.

Jesus, Evan, we're not fucking whores!

Jim and I are going to drive up for the opening

Just a little bit. Just to clean it up.

Just be careful. It's old.

Just like your daddy.

Just one second, sir, please.

Just relax and enjoy it.

Just tell me. How much do you want?

Karen Alvarado. That's such a pretty name.

Keep going.

Kids, we said after breakfast.

Knock knock!

Last night had nothing to do with my family.

Last weekend we were in New Zealand for 24 hours.

Let their kids play here if you're a convicted pedophile?

Let's change, I feel gross.

Let's face it, Evan. You're a monster.

Let's finish this.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go!

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's talk later. You seem a little distracted.

Let's welcome our lovely, beautiful and charming,

Like me?

Like, being with one person your whole life,

Look at all this shit.

Look at his face.

Look closely. So you'll remember us.

Look what I found.

Look, I'm a DJ like Evan!

Look.

Look. Kids, say hello to your dad.

Looking for this?

Looks like everyone's gone for the long weekend.

Looks like it's just me and you, kid.

Louis!

Louis!

Louis!

Louis! Be careful!

Louis! Shh!

Make yourselves at home.

Maybe Ashley's on Facebook chat?

Maybe he did.

Maybe if I get done early, I can,

Me neither. Unless I designed it.

Miss you.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm mmm. No, I'll take care of it. Don't worry.

Mom, can Louis come to the beach with us?

Monkey in the middle! Monkey in the middle!

Monkey needs to stay here and keep your dad company

Monkey, good boy.

Monkey, that's mine.

Monkey?

Monkey?

Monster been waiting three weeks.

Monster can smell you!

Monster doesn't want to start a fight.

Monster made kids disappear.

Monster retarded.

Monster sad.

Monster surprised?

Monster very happy.

Monster wanna finish what we started.

Monster will be quiet!

More than anything in the world.

Morning, Louis.

Most of what you see is hers.

Mr. Evan Webber!

Mr. Webber, how are you, sir?

Mr. Webber!

Mr. Webber?

Ms. Bel, would you please get our contestant ready?

Ms. Bel!

Muah! I love it.

My favorite.

My husband is gonna want to be with other girls.

My kid dropped mine in the tub,

My kids speak it perfectly.

My phone got wet and she left hers at her house.

My scar! My scar! My scar!

My surgery!

My wife loves her, Fran Valenzuela.

Never come near my family again.

Never.

Nice house.

No matter how much they love their families.

No matter who they are.

No one's fucking home! We tried every house!

No really. It's fine.

No, Genesis, give him that!

No, help! Help!

No, I didn't. It was all their idea.

No, I don't know anyone around here

No, I mean... Yes.

No, I'm okay.

No, it's fine. Don't worry.

No, it's fine. We celebrated this morning.

No, let's go to Tokyo.

No, Louis needs to stay here and do some work.

No, no. It's exactly what I think!

No, no. It's fine.

No, we can do it. We don't mind.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! Help me!

No! No!

No! No! Gotta be pretty for your funeral.

No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! Stop!

No! Please!

No.

No. No, no, no.

No. No, this is Mommy's catalog.

No. That's not what I meant.

Nobody fucking move!

None.

None.

Not around here, you won't.

Not everyone would just let two total strangers into their house these days.

Not FaceTime.

Not like when I was in my 20s, but, uh...

Not like you guys, but, uh, Tri State area.

Not really.

Nothing's off limit, sexually.

Now we have to punish you.

Now you seem old.

Now, fuck me, Daddy!

Now! Back to our million dollar question.

Obviously, you're with Uncle Evan.

Of course. It's, uh, down the hall on the right.

Oh, Daddy!

Oh, Evan? Can I use your bathroom?

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, great school.

Oh, hi, nice to meet you.

Oh, I almost forgot. Yes, your phone.

Oh, I don't mind.

Oh, I'll take them.

Oh, I've never been.

Oh, let's hope.

Oh, like you lied to your wife?

Oh, look at that beautiful looking cake!

Oh, monster confused!

Oh, monster happy.

Oh, my fucking God!

Oh, my fucking God! Jesus!

Oh, my God,

Oh, my God, you are all alone on Father's Day.

Oh, my God, you're like a MythBuster.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

Oh, my God. That's so cool!

Oh, my...

Oh, no!

Oh, sorry.

Oh, thanks, but...

Oh, that's what happens when you try to impress girls in the bat cage.

Oh, then that's really good

Oh, there's Evan. There he is!

Oh, twosomes, threesomes. It doesn't matter!

Oh, you can't hide from monster!

Oh, you guys...

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Okay,

Okay, gracias, I'll have it all packed up for you.

Okay, I'll do it bigger next time.

Okay, let's give him a lifeline.

Okay, man in the middle!

Okay, say goodbye to Daddy.

Okay, then don't let me interrupt you.

Okay! Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Please.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Knock knock.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Sorry, me neither.

On my kids?

One, two, three!

Or death?

Or should I say monster!

Or two miles?

Our first category...

Out.

Over a single night of perversion!

Ow!

Please buckle your seatbelt, sir.

Please don't do this!

Please don't tell Karen.

Please leave a message or send a text. Ciao.

Please stop!

Please, Genesis!

Please, just once more.

Please, let me go!

Please, please, please take it out! Take it out!

Please, somebody help me!

Please!

Please! Bel. Please.

Please! Please!

Please?

Please.

Please.

Please.