Underdog Edit

A ha. Homo postalis, the Great North American Mailman.

A ha. Not yet, I didn't.

A billion dollars from this city's treasury,

A cop. A hero. And a father to a proud son.

A guy who can sweep me off my feet, you know?

A humble genius.

A little retriever. Some shih tzu. My Chihuahua is a little rusty, though.

A three syllable word? I'm impressed.

A walk?

A weirdo kid who can suddenly talk to dogs.

According to eyewitnesses, the animal displayed uncommon strength...

Again, I'm sorry, Dr. Barsinister.

Ah... ah... ah choo!

Ahh!

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Ahhh! I'm naked. I'm naked!

Ahhh. Food.

All bark, no bite.

All clean.

All he does is eat, sleep and poop.

All I had to do was just tell you Shoeshine was Underdog.

All I'm saying is when the guy in the white lab coat

All I've got left are the P's.

All right, all right.

All right, but it's your responsibility.

All right, I'll be honest with you.

All right, son, let's go.

All right.

All right. Basic commands. Chapter one: sit.

All right. Bring me the new dog.

All right. Fasten your seat belts.

All right. What are your demands?

All those powers and I wound up jeopardizing

All you humans look alike.

All you need is a costume.

Alpha Dog has got a lock on the stage. I think it's the boxes.

Already the flames of inspiration

Am I standing? I can't feel my legs.

An underdog is someone who has been counted out

And buried it farther than any bone has ever been buried!

And he sticks the landing. Where am I?

And he's still never home.

And I climb in the front seat.

And I told him how we could take this city to new heights

And I want to be a regular kid with a mom and a dad.

And in this pill,

And it turned out to be a guy.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse,

And maybe some hair gel!

And my lab restored

And never come back here again.

And nobody expects them to win.

And not the fruity, cherry flavored kind,

And now, the most important DNA.

And the human cleans it up.

And then we're going to go for a walk.

And this is where I'm bored out of my mind, eight hours a day.

And we're still waiting to find out more information, any information.

And while I was stuck down there feeling sorry for myself,

And you should be up there stopping Barsinister.

And you try and make things look as normal as possible in here.

And, in the future, try to stay away from open windows.

And... action!

Anything about a thief with amazing hair?

Are licking at my brain.

Are you all right? Are you OK?

Are you kidding me?

Are you people crazy?

Arf. Arf.

As he walked down those mighty steps, Dan was a new man.

As obedient to me as a common dog.

As soon as I knew it was Cad, I took him for a walk.

As you can see, it is a tense situation.

Attention, all patrol units.

Bark three times. Yeah, OK.

Because I don't care if you can talk or fly.

Because I'm freaking out here.

Because it's good for his concentration.

Because my partner said he might fire me if I don't!

Because that's the kind of person I am... humble.

Because training is a fool's process.

Blue team, go, go! Move!

Boss, you're so pink. It's very becoming.

Bring me a chew toy from the outside.

Burns! My parts! Heel, dog!

But each time they were foiled by me,

But even if he is an ex cop, we don't have time to skulk about. Look.

But every molecule of me was screaming "yes. "

But forget about the past.

But he's not allowed on the couch. That's a problem.

But I can smell a good person.

But I can't do this. Someone's gonna recognize me and take me back.

But I did know one thing. I smelled a bomb.

But I forgive you.

But I want a little pizzazz in a relationship.

But see what my bark will do to you.

But the bitter, hard to swallow medicine.

But we'll need to make it work.

But when I give you "the look," make yourself scarce

But you quit! You quit the force!

But, destiny's a funny thing.

But, Jack, we were...

By day it's OK, but at night, once everyone's left,

By executive order,

Cad and Barsinister had returned to the capitol.

Cad, can you hear me? That's our dog!

Cad, stop talking to your imaginary friend and get in here!

Cad.

Cad...

Cad's hit. Cad's hit.

Call your dog or I'll call mine.

Can I use that?

Can you hear me? Come on, little buddy. Breathe.

Can you keep a secret? I went out with Underdog.

Can you resist this?

Can't we just work this out dog to dog?

Catch the ball right in the web of the glove.

Chapter five: return the book and get your money back.

Chapter three: roll over.

Clear the building!

Come back here!

Come here, boy.

Come on, guys, uh, we're all dogs here.

Come on, hurry up. Let's go.

Come on, Jack. Dig deep.

Come on, Shoeshine. Come on, boy.

Come on. Come on, come on.

Come on. Come on. I know you can do it.

Come over here and let me untie you.

Considering all the other things he probably licks,

Cool. A double date.

Cool. Mind if I come?

Could I trust my nose again? Could I afford not to?

Could you imagine me

Count Dogula?

Criminals should not be allowed to keep their freedom.

Dad is going to kill you. And then me.

Dad, no! No, please. I want to keep him.

Dad? Is that you?

Dad.

Dan gave Simon a taste of his own medicine,

Dan, it's Les. You got a shipment at the loading docks.

Destroy him! You worthless mutts!

Dibs on leftovers.

Did somebody order a hero?

Dispensing a DNA cocktail that will make every citizen

Do you actually think you can stop me, runt?

Do you have time to consider my proposal now?

Do you know what the saddest part is?

Do you see a tennis ball anywhere?

Doc, I got you.

Doc!

Dogfish.

Don't look at me.

Don't tell your cat buddies about this because I have a reputation to uphold.

Don't worry, Doc. This will only hurt a lot.

Don't worry, little guy.

Don't worry. I got you.

Don't worry. It will be over in no time.

Easy, boy.

Easy, Doc.

Easy. Easy.

Easy. Right down the side.

English.

Even Dr. Barsinister knows that.

Evening, officers.

Everybody out!

Everyday men and women, and, yes, dogs,

Everyone, please stay back.

Excuse me just for one moment.

Excuse me. "Pig's ear?"

Excuse me. Are you gonna eat that?

Excuse me. Do you only speak in rhyme?

Excuse me. Out of the way.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Excuse me. Trying to get through. Sorry. Pardon me.

Excuse me. Uh, there's been a big mistake.

For the first time in my life, I really felt like Man's Best Friend.

For the good of mankind.

Forging a doctor's note, Jack? Is this what it's come to?

Four weeks of lessons in four seconds?

Frisbee!

From a guy who pees in my white porcelain drinking bowl.

From any and all activity because he has a bad cold.

Full immunity from the law

Genetic engineering. You should try it.

Get back in here and help me move the couch.

Get in the game, Doc. He's right there.

Get rid of him.

Get some fresh air to the brain. You're just imagining this.

Give me a break. It was an accident.

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't dispose of you right now!

Give the dog your food.

Give the dog your food.

Give the dog your food. Give the dog your food.

Glad I didn't try to hold that one in.

Go to the police station and wait for me.

Good for you.

Good luck finding your dog.

Good.

Good.

Gosh! Can I not get a break here?

Got me fired from my last job.

Gotcha. Last one for tonight.

Grab that rope and jump up. There you go!

Great. Two for one.

Gross! Your mouth was open!

Hang out?

Hang tight, little buddy. I'll get some help.

Has he even given any of you a name?

Has he ever once scratched your bellies? Huh?

Have stumbled upon a jewelry store robbery.

Have you worked up an appetite? Let's see. What's for dinner?

He had black whiskers, brown eyes and a wet nose.

He has shingles.

He is not. He's quite strapping and such a charmer.

He puts on a cape, takes off the glasses, and he's a superhero.

He quit.

He thinks it would be better if they saw other people.

He took away my super powers and put them in a little blue pill.

He was evil and crazy.

He was light brown with white spots on his belly, paws and tail.

He was twice decorated by the mayor for bravery.

He'd be able to get a higher quality sidekick.

He's blind, and we're just rearranging the furniture.

He's cute, isn't he?

He's got a point.

He's here!

He's in trouble. The guy from the lab got him.

He's just like all little dogs.

He's not my boss! We're partners!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? 911?

Help me! Help me! I'm a clumsy old woman!

Help me! Please, help! Somebody, help me!

Help, help.

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Hello?

Help! Help!

Help! Let me go.

Help! Somebody, please help me!

Help. Oh, help.

Here in front of me are files of unsolved cases.

Here we go. The perfect spot for dinner on the fly.

Here. You want to play some ball?

Here's your ba... Hey, Jack. Look.

Hey, batter, batter. You're no good at all.

Hey, Doc! Get him!

Hey, Frisbee!

Hey, guys, back off. He needs some space.

Hey, guys...

Hey, I heard that.

Hey, I heard that.

Hey, I thought I clipped you.

Hey, I thought I was Kill.

Hey, look at that. I think we should call him... Shoeshine.

Hey, nice beagle.

Hey, runt. You lost?

Hey, speed bump. You survived.

Hey, that's pretty good. I think I'll keep that one.

Hey, um, I got to go.

Hey, um, I got to go.

Hey, um, we're going to head to the park.

Hey, you can stop it, like with Molly and Polly.

Hey!

Hey! I took the top bunk.

Hey! Wait.

Hey.

Hey. Hey!

Hey. Houston, we have a beagle.

Hey. Is that a tennis ball?

Hi. How's it going?

Hikes? Oh, fun.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. I like it.

Hold him until the cops get here.

Hold your positions. SWAT is on its way. ETA five minutes.

Holy moly! Barsinister.

Hot dogs, nice and hot!

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Nice and hot!

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! That's what I got!

Hot! Hot! Hot! Ow. That burns!

How did you get so smart, anyway?

How did you learn to speak English?

How did you...?

How do you look in a dress?

How many other flying dogs in red sweaters do you know?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Does he take you for walks? Does he give you treats?

Huh? Underdog.

I believe that sword belongs to the lady.

I bet you didn't know a beagle's sense of smell

I bought a, uh...

I can fly?

I can isolate specific protein strands in animal DNA.

I come to you this evening to discuss the growing problem

I did quit.

I didn't forge it.

I didn't mean to break those cars

I didn't want to leave you alone.

I didn't... want... anyone...

I do not bite. Yes, that is true.

I don't know what disappoints me more, the fact that you did it,

I don't think that's a good idea.

I don't want to see.

I got him! I'm getting tired up here.

I got one.

I got something to show you.

I got to go back to work.

I got to go.

I had all that I ever wanted.

I had no idea what I was doing.

I have to always "sit," "stay," "be a good dog. "

I hope no one saw that.

I just can't help myself.

I knew it.

I know some guys who just got out of the clink who can help us.

I know what you're thinking. He just hit me with his car,

I know, and it felt good.

I know. We'll talk later. Bye.

I know. You ever read comic books?

I look ridiculous.

I mean, it was?

I mean, look, if he was a good boss,

I need a sample of his DNA.

I prefer the term "visionary!"

I proclaim today "Underdog Day" in Capitol City.

I quit because I didn't want anything to happen to me.

I quit, Jack.

I really hope this is chili.

I said give me some space.

I sat there hoping Jack wouldn't ask about it.

I seriously need to work on my landing.

I should have put strychnine

I think I pulled something.

I think of my body as a Buddhist temple.

I think she likes him.

I think that's the best call.

I thought it would be too paradoxical for you.

I thought maybe we'd go for walks, take him on a hike.

I thought my window was a door!

I use my paws and drag my butt on the ground.

I want a full debrief, now.

I want him back. I want his power.

I wanted to have Underdog on the show tonight,

I was flying by when I heard you yelp.

I was going to do that anyway.

I was raised with one purpose and one purpose only:

I was raised, since I was just a little puppy, to fight crime.

I was thinking that maybe we should take it easy

I wasn't the best dog on the force.

I wish I could meet him.

I would also like to invite Underdog down to the capitol,

I would have blown my brains out of my ears.

I would love to stay and chat, but I got to find

I, uh, I found him on the street.

I'd love to chat, but I got to get dressed for work.

I'd love to, baby, but I'm busy.

I'd rip you to pieces, but I don't want to get my paws dirty.

I'll be the silent partner.

I'll do it, for you. But just this once.

I'll eat that runt for dinner.

I'll get him.

I'll give you some space.

I'll play your game. It might be a stretch.

I'll tell you what you should've told me...

I'll tell you, it never gets old.

I'm at the steps of the capitol building,

I'm going to guess you're one of the bad guys.

I'm going to take that dog to the pound.

I'm good. I hope I don't look too ridiculous.

I'm good. I'm good.

I'm looking for my beagle. He, uh, does tricks and stuff.

I'm looking to settle down, to find Mrs. Right.

I'm not a stray. I shouldn't be in the pound.

I'm on my way.

I'm on your tail!

I'm pulling the security tapes and running a computer sweep

I'm sorry, did I just say "underwear?"

I'm sorry. Do whatever you want to me. Just let them go.

I'm... I'm out of food.

I'm... I'm sorry. I haven't seen him.

I've got my dog, too. Polly!

I've met with the mayor,

I've never seen you. Are you new to this park?

Idiot dogs. I have to do everything myself.

If she hadn't pulled the silent alarm,

If the reports of the superdog are true...

If we're going for a walk, you may want to get a poop bag.

If you don't want the dog, I'll take him to the pound this afternoon.

If you ever get lost they'll know where to bring you home.

If you have access to any of the sewer systems,

If you're lucky you throw up and bingo!

In fact, I was probably the worst.

In this, my new laboratory.

In which I can focus my intellectual powers

In your chocolate milk months ago.

Is 55 times stronger than a human's.

Is that the best you got? You want a piece of this here?

Is that what passes for a pick up line?

Is this thing going to help us make another super dog?

It doesn't matter if you're Shoeshine or Underdog.

It feels like my feet aren't even touching the ground...

It makes you look taller. That's a good thing.

It must be so amazing to be you,

It seems the mayor has been kidnapped.

It was brave of me to charge in there, but pretty dumb not to have a plan.

It was either that or repave the driveway. His choice.

It was so amazing!

It will only hurt... a lot.

It works.

It'll creep up on you when you least expect it.

It's a gift from the American Pork Association.

It's a gimmick. To get people's attention.

It's going to be a bumpy ride.

It's hard to feel destined for greatness when you keep messing up.

It's hip hip hip, and away I go.

It's just little old me, Underdog!

It's my dad's old college sweater.

It's not dog food, but it's about to be.

It's not real dog.

It's OK.

It's OK. You all make mistakes.

It's on so tight.

It's perfect.

It's Polly and that girl who follows her around.

It's pretty bad.

It's time to teach you some manners.

Jack, come on. I'm a cop.

Jack, don't quit!

Jack, I just thought he would be good for you.

Jack, that's not going to help.

Jack, we don't have much time.

Jack, we have to get untied.

Jack, what's going on... What's going on here?

Jack! Ahhh!

Jack?

Jack. Nothing. Stop talking to me.

Just because I have these powers doesn't make me a hero.

Just because you're the only one here, Cad, does not make us partners.

Just hold him.

Just pick it up, you ape.

Just put it in the corner.

Keep up the good work.

Kicking butt and taking names, huh?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Simon Barsinister,

Let him in.

Let me guess. You went for satellite instead of cable.

Let me handle Barsinister. I know what he's doing.

Let me see. Where's your collar?

Let's get out of here.

Let's start with a tough one.

Like the time I chewed the extension cord and it was plugged in.

Like this?

Like, "Up, up and away"

Listen, do me a favor. Keep an eye on him.

Listen, I'm in a hurry. Don't mess with me.

Listen, I'm telling you I am fine, all right?

Listen. Why do you even follow his orders?

Look out!

Look who they decided to send up, the hero idiot.

Look, I don't want any trouble, OK?

Look, I may not be able to smell a bomb,

Look, I was just getting the hang of the whole "pet" thing.

Look, it's just a normal guy.

Look, the Ungers got a new cat.

Look, you're a cute beagle and all,

Look! It's Underdog!

Look! Up in the sky!

Lovely pup. I'm so grateful. A little treat for you.

Make sure they get a good view of the dogs.

Man, that kung pao chicken was good.

Maybe I should sign you up.

Maybe we should see other people.

Maybe you can't hear me.

Maybe you're the problem.

Maybe. But promise me, no one can find out.

Me? No way.

Me? What about you?

Meet your new roommate.

Might I have a date with you?

Miraculous feats by this phenomenon

Mission Control, removal of the thermal blankets from the MBS is successful.

Mmm, touché.

Moon? Stars? The yard? Sorry, what were we looking at again?

Most of my thesaurus burned up in the fire.

Move! Go, go, go, go, go!

Mr. Mayor.

Mr. Mayor. Are you all right?

My dad used to be on the force.

My dog is not Underdog.

My doggy bag.

My first collar ever, and I lose it to some guy in a dress.

My isolation will be nothing more than an enclave

My powers may be back at last, but these German shepherds are too fast.

My research!

My rhymes are merely said in fun. OK, I'm done.

Natural enemy of the dog.

Never had a family or a place to call home.

Never heard of that breed. Is that a dog from Australia?

Nice work, rookie. You found an exploding ham.

No matter how high the odds are stacked against them.

No metal.

No radiation.

No, I already used that.

No, I don't want to be a hero. I'll screw it up.

No, I insist.

No, just barking at myself in the mirror.

No, no, I'll come back. All right. Thank you.

No, no, no way. Uh uh. That was an accident.

No, no! No, no!

No, no. I, uh...

No, no. No, I'm not.

No, no. Only thing strong about this dog is his breath.

No, Shoeshine.

No, that's not it.

No, too simplistic.

No!

No. He's my dad. You're not going to go without me.

No. Look,

Nobody told me for the entire day.

Noo!

Not bird, nor plane, nor even frog.

Not so tough now, are we, little doggie?

Not sure. I dug it out from under the house.

Not that stupid mutt.

Not you.

Nothing was going to stand in my way.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Now bury the bone. Let's go. Good boy. Bury the bone.

Now that dude knows how to chase a car.

Now who's the boss?

Now, just back up.

Now, SWAT has secured the perimeter

Of a dog thwarting yesterday's jewelry robbery.

Of course. My name is Kill.

Of crime in our city.

Oh, ew! Oh, that breath is horrible.

Oh, God.

Oh, hey, Jack. How's it going?

Oh, I love the feeling of the wind in my fur.

Oh, is that a kiss? Where's your collar?

Oh, it's my dad.

Oh, it's you again.

Oh, look! Dad is home.

Oh, look. Italian.

Oh, man. That was by far my worst landing ever.

Oh, my gosh, they're made of dog!

Oh, my.

Oh, no, thanks. I'm on a diet.

Oh, no! I'm blind. I can't see. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. OK.

Oh, really? I'm sorry.

Oh, right, the dogs.

Oh, the price I've paid.

Oh, uh, it got burnt reentering the atmosphere.

Oh, um, it must have fallen off.

Oh, wait. What's this?

Oh, well, bon appétit.

Oh, well, hello. I'm Polly.

Oh, yeah, I just, uh, relocated.

Oh, yeah, you did. Hey! What happened to your tail?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Speed bump.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. God bless you.

Oh. Hey!

Oh. Um...

Ohhh!

Ohhh!

OK, as long as I don't look ridiculous.

OK, he says he quit his job to spend time with me after my mom died,

OK, here we go.

OK, let's do it, partner.

OK.

OK. Come on.

OK. I got to get to that bomb.

OK. I'm going to go out there and stall him,

OK. OK.

OK. OK. Deep breaths.

OK. This is why dogs bite people.

OK. Um, what are they saying?

OK. What else do you do?

On that pathetic house pet, Underdog.

On the after hours stuff.

Ooh, I didn't need to see that.

Ooh.

Or "It's clobbering time. "

Or I'll call mine.

Or is it Polly Shine? Or is it...

Or shall I address you by your nom de guerre...

Or that you did so poorly that you couldn't even fool a P.E. teacher.

Or the strength of an animal one hundred times his weight.

Or those garbage cans or that building.

Or when I met that cute poodle

Others are made.

Our master doesn't value us as sparkling individuals.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Watch the ears.

Ow! Where are the brakes on this thing?

People eat that, too?

Peppery? Prim?

Perfect.

Perhaps. Bam!

Person, heel. Come on, who trained you?

Person, just wait.

Please excuse Jack Unger

Please heel! Burns!

Please stay back!

Please.

Police stations have been flooded with eyewitnesses reporting

Provided he's housebroken, that is.

Pulls out the giant needle, run!

Put a muzzle on it.

Put your foot on that ledge.

Quick, there's not much time. Take the vial to the police.

Quiet, I smell a bomb.

Ready. Set. Go!

Really?

Really? I hear he's shorter in person.

Right.

Right. Dog bark. Got it.

Right. I'm going to learn manners

Rubber? What kind of sick joke is this?

Run, boy. Run, run!

Runt, are you still hard of hearing?

Scene two o seven. Take 27.

Script Supervisor, what's the line?

See?

Seems a little precocious.

She could be Polly Shoeshine.

She says for all she cares he can go eat...

She'll have a field day with you. Just speak dog.

Shh! Jack, call me "Underdog. "

Shh! That's Molly, a reporter for the school paper.

Shoeshine, come here.

Shoeshine, come on. You got to stand up for yourself.

Shoeshine, don't do it! No!

Shoeshine, I don't know if you can understand me right now,

Shoeshine, it depends on what you do with them.

Shoeshine, no.

Shoeshine, where do you come up with this stuff?

Shoeshine, you here?

Shoeshine, you wouldn't believe the date I had last night.

Shoeshine, you're a hero.

Shoeshine!

Shoeshine!

Shoeshine!

Shoeshine!

Shoeshine!

Shoeshine? Shoeshine.

Shoeshine? Shoeshine.

Simon and his wacky henchman, Cad, schemed to rule the universe.

Simon says, "Attack. "

Simon says, "Convince. "

Simon says, "Fetch!"

Simon says, "Heel. "

Simon says, "Surround the sad ex cop. "

Simon says... "Lunch!"

Sir? Sir?

Sit down.

Smelling makes me nervous, and I...

So be it.

So I can continue my research to help the human animal,

So I can make my move.

So, did you dig anything up about the break in?

So, if you ever want to be with a real dog, give me a sniff.

Solitary is a relative term, Doc.

Somebody, help me!

Son.

Sorry, Jack.

Sorry, you didn't get the power of hypnotism.

Sorry.

Sounds like I missed all the excitement.

Speak. Speak.

Spicy mustard.

Stand back! Stand back!

Start rolling, start rolling.

Sticks, balls, and running in one game?

Strapped to the roof of the capitol building?

Suddenly I had a home and a family.

Sweet. We're going to get him. Come back here!

Take 25.

Take you back?

Take your mind off a few things.

Talking dog will try to make things normal. Check.

That couch tried to kill me.

That happened to me once. I had my pants on inside out.

That I am the most important scientist this company has?

That is one strange beagle.

That mutt dumped my trash. Come on. Get him, boys.

That seems like a strange convention for you to mention.

That shimmering coat.

That should be me on the front page,

That the Capitol City K 9 Academy is the future for K 9 crime fighters.

That will teach you to mess with me.

That's a "P" word. I bet I have that one.

That's all right. Don't worry.

That's going to be our code. You have to bark three times.

That's me in the uniform.

That's not it either.

That's ridiculous. Come on, just try it.

That's right. Run, mail slinger, run.

That's when the freaky stuff happens.

That's why you're the chief.

The ability to fly like an eagle,

The greatest superhero who ever lived... Underdog!

The ham was just the latest of my mistakes.

The material I require is going to be expensive.

The only thing I cared about, my family.

The only thing that could mess this up

The Post is standing by its story

The reason we're down here is me.

The sewers lead into this drainage into the complex.

The thieves have taken several hostages.

The truth is, I just want to be a regular dog.

The wickedest man in the world.

Their betrayal.

Their blindness.

Then combine them any way I want.

Then the two of you have a lot in common, don't you?

Then why are you doing this?

There are no bad dogs, only bad owners.

There better be something pretty special in that dog dish when I get back.

There goes the neighborhood.

There has been an overwhelming response, Mr. Mayor.

There I was, a regular old dog again.

There is something mighty peculiar going on here.

There is the DNA of a regular beagle.

There isn't a hose cold enough to break that up.

There was no way I could save both of them.

There. Where's Underdog?

There's a fox passed out on the floor, and, yes, I'm dressed like a fish.