Spies in Disguise Edit

A footprint, a candy wrapper,

A gadget for you

A gadget that can surround you in a pressurized pocket

A grenade.

A ha! Grappling hook!

A highly covert global...

A hydrothermal explosion is about to melt your face off.

A lot easier than my thing.

A new lab. All the equipment you need.

A pigeon.

A robot hand?

A surveillance camera in Tokyo

About Robo Hand!

About the many, many, many lives it destroys?

About to hurt a lot of innocent people.

Activate auto drive.

Activate weapons.

Actually, I do happen to have it in hand.

Adaptive response silicon... (GRUNTS DISGUSTEDLY)

Agent Database required for targeting.

Agent Marcy Kappel, Internal Affairs.

Agent Sterling, I apologize for the theatrics.

Agent Sterling! What's happening, man?

Agent Sterling?

Agent Sterling.

AGENT: (ON RADIO) Northwest corner.

AGENT: (SCOFFS) Weirdo.

AGENT: Affirmative. In position.

AGENT: Go, go, go! Moving through.

AGENT: Hey, welcome back, Lance.

AGENT: Let's go, go, go!

AGENT: Somebody do something.

AGENTS: Morning, sir.

Ah, life's full of disappointment.

Ah...

Airstrip. Now.

All good, all good.

All I need from you is when I want a grenade...

All of this...

All right, cool, cool. I'm gonna get outta here.

All right, enough!

All right, hey, hey, will you stop?

All right, Kimura, 3 ounces of pressure to the vagus nerve.

All right, let me think about that.

All right, Robo Hand.

All right, Sterling.

All right, what alias are you using, Kimura?

All right, y'all better squad up, 'cause here comes the...

All right.

ALL: Aw.

Almost there. Don't let go. Please don't let go.

Although I think they're gonna

And a piece of duct tape.

And a spy pen.

And B, you're supposed to be working on something, correct?

And be buried in a shoebox.

And Bond. Hydrogen Bond.

And boom!

And everybody will wish they were as weird as you.

And everyone be careful.

And he scanned my face to frame me.

And how it can make you an even better spy.

And I'm gonna toss it to that snowman.

And I'm saving the world, doing big things.

And I'mma go find Kimura. Alone.

And if I can convince you,

And if you drink it, all your cells will catch on fire.

And if you just embrace your new form,

And invented a way to edit human genomes

And it's my job to keep everyone safe.

And no one notices them.

And no one will ever call you weird again.

And not like something you just made up.

And now I have to try to stop him

And one by one, your switches are flipping to pigeon.

And people are worth saving.

And shut down your drones.

And somehow he didn't have feet.

And thank you for that. Thank you very much for that.

And that helps us how?

And the bad guys will leave you alone.

And the kids think I'm weird.

And the way I do it...

And then look at your boy.

And then you'll give me my job back.

And then, I was like, "Breadcrumbs!"

And this one is for when you're outnumbered.

And we want you to lead a new team.

And what if you could?

And while you're both looking all confused,

And you did it your way.

And you did your job.

And you got to meet Lance Sterling.

And you had all these fancy toys that just went boom!

And you know the rules.

And you were like, "No!"

And you'll be human again.

And you're no killer.

And you're sure it was Lance?

And, hey, (SIGHS) I'm sorry for shooting you in your neck.

And, I mean, committed a little bit of treason.

Any ideas?

Approaching fast.

Are gonna keep the world safe.

Are those pigeons wearing tiny backpacks?

Are you pulling?

Are you two finished?

As your agency's weapons rained down on us.

AUTOMATED VOICE: (ON SPEAKERS) Missile deactivated.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Auto drive engaged.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Auto drive engaged.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Deactivate.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Deactivating weapons.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Defensive applications online.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Evasive maneuvers activated.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Tracking Katsu Kimura.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Weapons system online.

AUTOMATED VOICE: You have arrived at your destination.

Aw, he's the most adorable agent ever!

Aw. (GASPS)

Baby hand.

Back into a human...

Back out. (GRUNTING)

Bad move, Beckett.

Be good for Gram, okay?

Because he stole it.

Because if I try to fight fire with glitter...

Because now all I need to do

Because of you.

Because the kitty glitter worked.

Because the refracted light

Because there is no way

Because there's a bad guy out there with my face...

Because you're in the middle of chromothripsis.

Because, fact, pigeons can fly

Beckett is just some nobody in the gadget lab.

Bingo.

Bingo.

Bio dynamic concealment.

Block the door. We need something heavy.

Bond. Hydrogen Bond.

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

Both come out of the same place.

Both hands.

BOTH: That's a lot of honesty.

Boy, don't you throw me off this roof!

Boy, I'm about to pigeon wing slap...

Breadcrumbs?

Bubbles?

Buckle up. And get me

Bullseye!

But do you know what else is working?

But having a cloaca just means...

But I know you.

But I saw...

But I still know for a fact

But I'm here because I believe...

But I'm your wingman.

But if you did...

But it's a fantasy.

But my other senses are elevated, so you... Ow!

But one day, your ideas...

But still turn me back into a human?

But that doesn't make sense!

But that face you've been using is mine.

But there are benefits to being a pigeon.

But we are stuck in this good guy bad guy vortex.

But we're a team. You said so yourself.

But what's this?

But you also did this.

But you can't stop me.

But you didn't.

But you gotta admit, it was a little Scooby Doo.

But you wouldn't know nothing about that.

But, please, the destruction this is capable of...

Button on the back, button on the back!

By bringing people together...

Can you do that?

Can you please take that off him?

Can you push "20" for me, please?

Can't save the world with a hug, Wilson.

Casts a little doubt.

Cat pass! Tic tac! Jelly roll!

Catch of the century!

Causes the enterochromaffin cells

Causes the enterochromaffin cells

Code Six, 104 North.

Come on, birds!

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on, come on.

Come on, let's ghost.

Come on, man!

Come on, Walter. Use your glutes.

Come on! There's gotta be something.

Come on.

Come on. I'm gonna die.

Come out. We'll have some good fun.

Coming through, coming through.

Commencing bio dynamic concealment

Couldn't agree more.

Database isn't gonna do you any good

DAVE: My name's Dave.

DAVE: What's up, Sterling?

Desk lamp! Flimflam! Bottle cap!

Destroying anybody that stands in your way.

Detecting 70 extra hostiles around the perimeter.

DEVICES: Yay!

DEVICES: Yay!

Did anybody else see that Agent Sterling had...

Did anyone else see a pigeon in that car?

Did it work?

Did not!

Did you just give that man a refreshing spritz?

Did you see that coming?

Didn't mean to ruffle your feathers.

Didn't see that coming, did you?

Director Jenkins, we lost the database.

Director, we've got unknown incoming.

Disappear?

DISPATCHER: (ON RADIO) 11 A 25,

Do not do it, Lance.

Do not hurt this kid.

Do the things I expect my things to do.

Do you have any idea

Do you hear me?

Do you not realize what this means?

Don't... Don't do this.

Double fired!

Drumroll, please...

Dude is Jeopardy! smart.

Dude, did you see that?

Dude, you need medicine.

Dude!

Dude.

During the whole bird nado thing,

Each named after a member of New Kids on the Block.

EARS: I'm on it.

EARS: Saddle up!

EARS: This is not good!

Ears. Sound.

Epigenetic modulation.

Especially somebody that's been double fired...

Every Agency employee is compromised.

Everybody good?

Everybody's favorite arms dealer.

Everyone knows the name.

Everyone? (SCOFFS)

Everything is exactly how you wanted it.

Everything we can on that Beckett kid.

Evil doesn't care that you're nice.

Exactly. Can we?

Excuse me. (GRUNTS) Sorry.

Exit the premises now!

EYES: He saved him.

EYES: You think they're working together?

Eyes?

Fact, pigeons are a flock animal,

Fact, pigeons can see ultraviolet light...

Fact, pigeons have 360 degree vision.

Fact! You should have kept your seat belt on.

Feel me here, little man.

Fellas, give it to me.

FEMALE HUGGER VOICE: I'm a hugger.

FEMALE HUGGER VOICE: I'm a hugger.

Fighting, explosions, tons of witty catchphrases.

Figure that out pretty quickly. (CHUCKLES)

Finally.

Find Kimura.

First time anywhere, really.

First time in Venice?

Fly!

Fly! Fly! What am I doing wrong?

Forgot about the treason.

From hurting people while being a bird.

From your mom?

Gadget lab.

GERALDINE: Next. Okay, put everything in the bin.

Get down!

Get off me! I'm running... (GROANS)

Get to the gadget lab! Grab every weapon you can!

Get your beak out my drink.

Glitter cloud!

Glitter makes people happy.

Go ahead back to work. It's too much.

Go ahead, man. All right.

Go home.

Go long.

Go science on this fool!

Go sit your narrow behind down and do some science stuff...

Good job.

Good. You remember it.

Got him.

Got it, got it, got it... Ow!

Got it.

Got it. What kind of firepower we talking?

Guess he's not coming.

Guess I owe you an apology.

Guess it's time to introduce myself.

Hands where I can see them.

Have some of these. They're gluten free.

He didn't deserve that.

He didn't leave a fingerprint,

He doesn't have anything to do with this, okay?

He remembers.

He stole the Assassin,

He was behind us. (GROANS)

He'll figure it out.

He'll know the identities of everyone at the Agency.

He'll use the Assassin to eliminate all of them.

He's coming back for me.

He's gonna hack into your claw

He's got incoming.

He's like a god of the asphalt.

He's running. Why do they always run?

Here you go, guys. Come on.

Here's a little something for you.

Here's how this works.

Hey, come on.

Hey, don't take the loss so hard.

Hey, everything go okay in there?

Hey, fellas.

Hey, how did y'all get here?

Hey, I'm not for the games.

Hey, it's okay. Don't you worry.

Hey, look at me.

Hey, no, human feet. Back up.

Hey, not looking so bad yourself.

Hey, this kid is harmless.

Hey, y'all need to ease out of my face right now.

Hey, you mind giving me a hand?

Hey! Did you just toe poke me?

Hey. It doesn't matter, man.

Highly intelligent animals who like to play games.

His heart rate just spiked.

His lips never touched a glass...

Hit me. I'm open.

Hmm?

Hon, I gotta go.

Hope you got your pants on, Wilbur.

How did you get here?

How did you...

How do you plan on stopping 1,000?

How hard could it be?

How you livin'?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? (SCREAMS)

Huh? (YELLS)

Huh? Conceal this?

Huh.

Huh. You're good.

Human pigeon, human pigeon, human pigeon.

Hypno stars, blamethrower, snorepedo.

I also wanna add some kitten visuals

I am not alone!

I am putting my weight! I'm feathers!

I am way too good at this.

I ask the questions, you answer.

I call it Fifty Shades of Yay!

I called the Agency and told them you're here.

I can do that 'cause I got lips now!

I can finish this on the way.

I can get you your job back.

I can hardly feel my legs! (EXHALES)

I can help you, Walter.

I can see my butt and your face at the same time!

I can show you all the advantages of being a pigeon

I can tell you where he's not.

I can't help but feel like some of this is my fault.

I can't not look at you, Walter.

I can't work a touchscreen enough to eject you...

I could get my face burned off.

I could have done this without you, Walter.

I decide what the bird sounds are.

I didn't tell them you're a bird.

I don't care that your name is Jeff. Beat it.

I don't know how to answer that.

I don't know what any of that means.

I don't know who he is.

I don't.

I feel like you want me to say,

I feel stronger. Like, I legit feel stronger.

I fly solo.

I fly solo.

I got it! I got it!

I got my hands back.

I got plenty of glitter, yay palm, a splat a pult...

I got this now.

I got this. I got this.

I got you, Walter!

I gotta fight fire with fire.

I guess you could imagine

I had to jump through a helicopter.

I have five cats,

I have no idea where that beak has been.

I hear Venice is wonderful this time of year.

I hit back harder.

I hope this works.

I hope this works. I hope this works.

I just found out that number one and number two...

I just...

I know because my boot is still stuck in one of 'em.

I know he's on his way to Venice right now

I know she sacrificed her life to save people.

I know Sterling's here in Venice. Where is he?

I know what it means.

I know what to do.

I know you do, man.

I know you're not in a good place right now...

I know you're upset, but everything's okay.

I know.

I mean, come on.

I mean, I certainly never forgot that day.

I mean, I did.

I mean, I'll stop it, because Lance is definitely not here.

I mean, you did great.

I miss my hands.

I need to disappear.

I need to disappear.

I need you to un bird me, Walter.

I peed in the pool.

I probably shouldn't be raising my voice at you.

I promise I'll always have your back.

I put a tracker on him.

I read your file.

I really didn't see that coming.

I really wanna hurt you right now.

I sent you an e vite.

I stepped in the goo.

I think I said...

I think it's safe to say that

I think she's talking to Walter.

I told you. I don't even know you, man.

I trust this man.

I used Lovey's DNA in the serum. (CHUCKLES)

I want that tree gone, now!

I was just telling the guys about the time you...

I watch good people be taken every day.

I watched every single one of my people die...

I would do what she says.

I wouldn't do that.

I, uh... (STAMMERS)

I'll always have your back, Lance.

I'll come with you.

I'll figure that out. Sorry.

I'll give you a little bit of help.

I'll just ride out here, don't worry.

I'll start working on an antidote right now.

I'll talk for him, 'cause we a team.

I'll tell you what he's doing.

I'm a little stressed right now.

I'm coming for you.

I'm flying.

I'm flying. (LAUGHS)

I'm flying...

I'm gonna be me.

I'm gonna make this hurt!

I'm gonna need a code name.

I'm gonna science all over your face.

I'm gonna show you pain that you can't imagine.

I'm heavy.

I'm just gonna take his gun

I'm just gonna take out her tires.

I'm naked.

I'm not giving up. Ow.

I'm not leading nothing,

I'm not telling you anything.

I'm not telling you anything.

I'm not trying to be a part of nobody's flock.

I'm out.

I'm raising my voice.

I'm really gonna throw this boy in the ocean.

I'm sorry for the cloaca.

I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry. I'll figure it out.

I'm stuck like this, with this body, for 18...

I'm taking it from here, Walter.

I'm totally excited about it.

I'm trying to lay low!

I'mma need that case.

I'mma tear that fool his own cloaca.

I've never caught anything in my whole life!

If I could make you, wait for it...

If I don't stop this guy, people will die!

If Robo Hand wants a list of agents,

If Sterling was on this boat...

If that bird poop in my...

If you say being a pigeon...

If you shut 'em down now, you'll kill us both.

Imagine...

In a couple minutes, it's done.

In middle school.

Inserting rectal thermometer. (GASPS)

Inside is the M9 Assassin.

Is actually way cooler than it seems.

Is change one variable in the antidote...

Is everyone in position?

Is really starting to grow on me.

Is somebody talking? I don't hear anybody talking.

Is that everyone?

Is to have my things

Isn't that our job?

It has a lavender quality to it.

It isn't me!

It might be that kid, Beckett.

It must be some sort of latent avian instincts kicking in.

It sounds weird and gross,

It won't make anything better.

It worked! It worked! It worked!

It worked.

It worked.

It worked. Can you believe this?

It's a truth serum, but yes,

It's a wingsuit.

It's about to get messy.

It's always been my dream

It's amazing.

It's basic physics!

It's done!

It's just basic physics.

It's kinda violent, don't you think?

It's like a big bag of pudding! (GROANS)

It's okay, buddy.

It's okay.

It's over.

It's probably the right amount.

It's ready.

It's scientifically proven that watching kittens...

It's something I learned a long time ago.

It's the most perfect form a spy could take.

It's the perfect tool to keep you safe.

Joker.

Jon, Joey, Jordan, Donnie, and Danny.

Joy, what is going on?

JOYLESS AND LANCE: Excuse me?

JOYLESS: 10 o'clock.

JOYLESS: Lance?

JOYLESS: There. That briefcase is your objective.

Jumper cables, and a Nickelback album.

Just a regular old bird.

Just getting a visual...

Just go along with it.

Just like your mother did.

Just people.

Just put that down.

Just put your weight behind it.

Just wait till I get to Venice.

Keep my money right. Keep my money right.

KILLIAN: Do you feel that dread?

KILLIAN: I'm taking everything from you.

KILLIAN: Nowhere to run from this, Lance.

KILLIAN: Uh uh uh.

KILLIAN: Walter.

Kimura talked.

Kimura, what's your biggest secret?

KIMURA: (MUFFLED) Who says "database"?

KIMURA: He'll kill me if I tell you that.

KIMURA: Huh? How did I...

Kimura.

Kind of a personal protection device I've been developing.

Kitty glitter.

Kyrgyzstan.

Lance Sterling is gonna die a pigeon...

Lance Sterling is on the scene.

Lance Sterling.

Lance Sterling. Back in action.

Lance, are you okay?

Lance, get down.

Lance, just cooperate.

Lance, let's go.

Lance, listen to me. You've got 70 yakuza incoming.

Lance, this is amazing.

LANCE: (CHUCKLES) Team Weird.

LANCE: (SCOFFS) That's better odds than I usually get.

LANCE: (SIGHS) I hate you.

LANCE: All right, all right. I got this. I got this.

LANCE: All right, Kimura, I'm coming for you.

LANCE: Aw, yeah.

LANCE: Come on. No.

LANCE: Don't listen to Walter. Activate weapons.

LANCE: Good call.

LANCE: Huh.

LANCE: I can't lose any more good people.

LANCE: I think that's yours.

LANCE: It's got the database.

LANCE: It's not.

LANCE: It's weird, right?

LANCE: Katsu Kimura.

LANCE: Let me stop you right there.

LANCE: Listen, I'm sorry about what happened in Kyrgyzstan.

LANCE: Mexico.

LANCE: No.

LANCE: Oh, it's a thing. It's a thing now.

LANCE: Oh, no.

LANCE: Oh, these guys are the worst.

LANCE: Oh, what did you do?

LANCE: Okay. Go ahead.

LANCE: Shut it, Kimura.

LANCE: Sterling private jet hangar.

LANCE: Stop talking to Jeff!

LANCE: There is no "we."

LANCE: Time to put your game face on.

LANCE: Uh oh.

LANCE: Wait! We're driving backwards.

LANCE: Wait. That's him?

LANCE: Walter, what else you got on that pen?

LANCE: We gotta go. Now.

LANCE: What are you doing? Get in the car!

LANCE: What did you do to my eyes?

LANCE: Who is Robo Hand? And why is he wearing my face?

LANCE: Wilfred! Let's move!

LANCE: Yes! Great. Shoot 'em!

LANCE: You ready to tap out yet?

Lance?

Lance? What are you...

Lance.

Lance...

Lance... (GRUNTS)

Lay an egg or something in front of Marcy.

Let's brainstorm. How we gonna find this nut?

Let's do it the hard way.

Let's get weird.

Let's just pull over and talk it out.

Let's play some Keep Away.

Let's try it out.

Like blow stuff up.

Like Silly String, but serious.

Like that.

Like, fact, did you know

Listen, I'm out there keeping the neighborhood safe.

Listen, you gotta hear me out.

Little bit awkward.

Look around.

Look at me, look at me.

Look, everything is coming up blank.

Look, I know you're not a criminal.

Look, I'm just saying you can do more

Look, I've got everything that we...

Look, lives are on the line.

Look, there was a guy with a robot hand.

Looks like we gonna need some glitter.

Lot of witty catchphrases...

Love you, partner.

Lovey, all you, girl!

Lovey, he can talk!

Lovey, it worked! It worked!

Lovey, this is the opportunity we've been waiting for.

Lucas!

Lucky for you, I planned ahead.

Make me a grenade.

Man, it's cold!

MAN: (GRUNTS) No! Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no!

MAN: Looking good, Agent Sterling!

MARCY: (ON SPEAKERS) Agent Sterling,

MARCY: Hold it right there!

MARCY: I know why.

MARCY: Long way from home, Walter.

MARCY: Security!

MARCY: Sterling works alone. He's using him for something.

MARCY: Sterling.

MARCY: We can't let that thing out of here.

MARCY: Would you look at that?

Marcy?

Maybe I have something else that can help.

Maybe you wanna stay a pigeon a little longer.

Maybe?

Me?

Mind if my team sweeps the room?

Mission accomplished.

Mmm hmm. Of course.

Mmm, "not good" as in it won't turn you

Mmm, I don't think that's a thing.

Mmm. Good. We had a drink.

Mmm. Lance! Have some dignity.

Muscle it down.

My dude, seriously, give me 10 feet.

My pectoral muscles. My abdominalia.

My way?

Nah, it's cool, it's cool.

Never shuts down,

Never stops pursuing its target.

Never wash that hand again!

Never wash that hand again.

Never will.

Never.

Nice shot.

Nice to meet you, Jeff.

Nickelback?

No one's even hurt.

No one's ever looked more scared.

No way. It worked.

No what?

No, no, no, it's okay.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. No hugs.

No, no, no. Okay.

No, no, no. Uh, please don't fire me!

No, no. We're the ones who owe you an apology.

No, please, please! Wait, wait, wait!

No, put me down, Walter!

No, that was it. That was the apology.

No, you don't.

No!

No!

No!

No! (GRUNTING)

No! Do not engage.

No! Stop it!

No?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. (GRUNTS)

No. Don't leave me like this.

No. I'm a hugger.

No. Just the opposite.

Nobody else has to get hurt.

Nobody ever listens to my ideas

None of this is right!

Nope.

Nope. Not my plan.

Not if I stop him first.

Not my flock!

Not this time, Lovey. Thank you.

Not to take apart your cell phone?

Not today day.

Now it's gone. Yep.

Now it's time to do things my way.

Now or never, Walter. Gotta go! Come on, Walter!

Now, give me a non inflatable hug.

Now, nobody can sneak up behind you.

Now, that's hot. That's hot.

Now.

Now.

Oddly effective.

Of course I'm disoriented.

Of course I'm pulling! Why aren't you pushing?

Of course, of course.

Of course.

Of how much motion sickness medication I'm on right now?

Oh, 100% Scooby Doo.

Oh, and you think I won't? Talk!

Oh, and, fact...

Oh, can you feel it?