The Edge of Seventeen Edit

A lot to take in, Nadine. I...

Actually, I'm just bored because I know

Actually, wait, wait, wait. Let's see if I can guess.

After everything happened.

After years of owning a small restaurant downtown.

Ah, just wishful daydreaming.

Ah.

All of this?

All right, now.

All right, you know what?

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Come on, tiny man. It's you and me, buddy.

All right. Good night.

All right. Hey.

All right. I'll see you.

All right. Look, just tell me what you wanna hear, and I'll say it.

All the little tropical fish watching. It'd be kind of spiritual.

ALL: Aww.

ALL: Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!

Am I really your favorite student?

Am I supposed to babysit you?

An antidepressant whatever.

And don't touch anything and don't make any noise.

And especially the ones that make $45,000 a year.

And even old people.

And everybody knows it

And had about a million fans.

And he asked if I wanted to go to Manzanita for the weekend,

And her breath smelled of SweeTARTS.

And I couldn't take one more second

And I don't know how to change it.

And I got an email

And I got the message, all right? I know...

And I hate what I see.

And I just can't believe this is happening.

And I love

And I saw his wiener and got real sad.

And I say to myself,

And I thought, "You know what?

And I want you to come with us.

And I'm just over here, like, just sniffin' my flowers.

And I'm so scared

And please stop. Please don't leave.

And practicing your instruments.

And say a few words about your film?

And stay away from my friends, okay?

And that asshole knew it.

And the little bald guy from It's Always Sunny?

And the only one who could handle either of us was Dad.

And the past 17 years before that.

And the people who hope all those people die in a big explosion.

And then

And then I had the worst thought.

And there's no way you're proud of that.

And they actually think that the world wants to know that they are,

And they have nothing in common with me.

And this is like some kind of revenge?

And this is payback time for what you put me through

And this is some kind of self punishment?

And to be completely honest with you, I'm not interested at all.

And what happened the other night, you know...

And you know what? You know why you're not married?

And you tossed me aside?

And you wouldn't want me any other way

And you're making me nervous, Nadine.

And you're the first person to ever underestimate my salary.

And you're the one that gets to explain it to him.

And, like, the cool shoes that... Oh...

And, uh, if you have any, you know, complications,

Any ice cream or anything before I put the baby down?

Any time I ask you for anything, you're like,

Anyway,

Anyways... Yeah.

Are we really back to this again?

Are you even up there?

Are you kidding, man? No, it's a long story.

Are you okay?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you unconsciously mad at me, maybe,

Are you unconsciously mad at yourself,

Are your parents going?

Aren't you Darian Franklin's sister?

Around second grade, I had a realization.

Around. Cool.

Asshole.

At Alien Planet High School...

At the house or...

Aww.

Aww.

Be good.

Because bald men are gross, and they're disgusting

Because chances are, those pricks,

Because she doesn't listen to me. You do.

Because who knows what'll happen in the house

Because your brother just asked me

Beep beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Being able to do things for themselves.

Big boy. There you go.

Bottom line is I have nothing in common with the people out there,

BOY: How many of those do you bet are this asshole's?

BOY: Oh, tell Krista about the time when...

But can't you just do something?

But don't squash him.

But he must be in his AP study group.

But I already figured out how great you are.

But I had finally made my first friend.

But I think we both know what needs to be said right now,

But I'm gonna kill myself.

But I'm gonna kill myself.

But it has to be big.

But just know that I haven't given up hope. Not yet.

But look where it led me.

But not quite where I...

But now I'm thinking all of it was.

But we're not talking about him right now. 'Cause it's just too upsetting.

But with his stoic presence, I mean, you know he cares.

But with, like, a group of people.

But yesterday, when you were giving your lecture, you were like,

But, uh, was there any point during it where you thought to yourself,

But, whatever it is, it'll pass.

But, you know, you can take that and think about it.

Bye bye!

Bye, sweetheart. (CAR DOOR CLOSES)

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. (CHUCKLES)

Bye. See you Monday.

Can I call you later?

Can I get you something else?

Can I have some money for the yogurt?

Can I have this hole punch? Give that to me.

Can I mime?

Can we just stop it?

Can we please? Can we stop the fucking ride? (LAUGHING)

Can you grab me those paper towels?

Can you just go around the block once?

Can you move, please?

Can you stop for a second, please? This is going.

Can't you just say that occasionally? Fine.

Certainly made me feel better.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Congratulations. Mmm.

Continue.

Cool, and just clean up all this dog urine?

Cool. I'll see you...

Could you please look at that stupid shirt my brother's wearing?

Could you point me in the direction of the cat litter?

Crying so hard.

Dad, are you okay?

Dad!

Dad?

Dad?

Dad.

Damn, Erwin.

Darian, meanwhile, just got better looking.

Darian, we don't need to do this... You're right about everything!

DARIAN: Just don't worry about it.

DARIAN: Mmm hmm. Yeah, you know what, just ignore her. She's...

Darian!

Darian!

Darian?

Darian.

Date of passing?

Did I not tell you? Cheeseburgers.

Did you get a donut from these people?

Did you just say "friends" plural?

Did you just take my keys?

Do I really talk that much?

Do my arms look bad?

Do you know what I've been doing all night?

Do you like this dress?

Do you maybe wanna go for a walk or something?

Do you wanna have sex right now?

Do you want to meet there?

Do you watch TBS ever?

Do you, uh, you know, want to come on Saturday?

Does it look bad? I just think it looks kind of bad.

Does that help?

Does that make you think I'm pathetic all of the sudden?

Doesn't matter if they're pulling it straight outta their ass.

Don't ever let me chew gum, okay?

Don't know where that came from. What?

Don't let me chew gum.

Don't stare. It makes him self conscious.

Don't touch me, man.

Don't worry. Thank you.

Don't you take that car! (TIRES SCREECHING)

Don't you want to do that?

Don't you want to wake up in your bed tomorrow morning?

Done. Kills me. Lights out.

Dude, I'm not drinking. It's orange juice, genius.

Dude, you are so sick for saying it like that.

Dude, you did such a good job.

Enjoy. (SIGHS)

Erwin, come... What are you doing?

ERWIN: Hello? Sorry.

ERWIN: Oh, yeah, my parents love that one, too.

ERWIN: Wait, wait, wait! Wait!

Erwin.

Everybody's said

Everyone but you

Everyone just wants to feel important in life.

Everything that's on the floor, gone!

Everything was magic.

Everything you're gonna do before you do it.

Ew. Bye!

Excuse me, all of you need to leave.

Excuse me, I'm calling the cops.

Excuse me.

Face it, you're obsessed with yourself.

Fart into their backpacks.

Feeling pretty good.

Felt like the right thing to say.

Felt pretty good. You... You being nervous for once.

Fine.

Fix my hair.

For the past couple weeks.

For the two minutes that we're on the ride?

Freshman.

FRIEND 1: All right, man. FRIEND 2: See you later.

From his wife.

Fuck!

Fuck! What?

Fun.

Gee. I don't know. I guess I'm just your average guy, I guess.

Get back here!

Get in the car.

Get in the car. Let's go.

Get off! Okay! Okay.

Get out of the car.

GIRL: Yeah! New player!

Give a little zhuzh?

Glad you circled back around and cleaned that up.

Go grow yourself a wispy mustache, you pervert,

Go talk to people.

God, do you even know what it feels like to love another human being?

God, I feel like such a loser.

God, I wish my bathtub got this hot.

God, just don't be so weird.

God, juvy made him so hot.

God, why are you so awkward?

God.

God.

God. Just have a good time.

God. You wouldn't believe the night I had.

Good care of you.

Good night.

Good night. Good night.

Good night. GREER: Say, "Night night."

Good night. Night night, Daddy.

Good, how are you doin'? Good.

Good, how are you?

Gotcha. Yeah.

Great catch. Yeah.

Great. Get his address. You give it to me.

GREER: All right.

GREER: Hi. MR. BRUNER: How are you?

Guess what?

Guys, this is Nadine.

Have a good day, both of you.

Have a great day.

Having to manage us both.

He invited me to a party on Friday.

He is my husband.

He just asked me that.

He works at Petland now.

Hello there.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Hello. Thank you for coming. Um...

Helpful, thank you.

Her last boyfriend turned out to be an Internet perv.

Here's something you're not gonna guess.

Here's what I do when I'm feeling down.

Hey, can you do me another quick favor?

Hey, can you give her a ride home, please?

Hey, do you guys know where Erwin Kim is?

Hey, do you have a swimming pool?

Hey, do you want to play, uh, beer pong?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, I heard you were looking for me at lunch.

Hey, I just want you to know you're right, Nadine.

Hey, I'm gonna catch up with you guys, all right?

Hey, is there any more aspirin anywhere?

Hey, it's Nadine from history.

Hey, Mom?

Hey, move. I got to pee.

Hey, Nadine.

Hey, no one's listening to you.

Hey, no, you don't have to.

Hey, one sec.

Hey, so Tim's Theme Park's open late tonight.

Hey, the bell rang. Leave, please.

Hey, um, I got to talk to you about some homework.

Hey, um...

Hey, wake up.

Hey, you're retarded.

Hey, you're so messed up for bringing up that story.

Hey! Excuse me, could we be let off? Erwin. Erwin?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, get in the car.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. So, just a heads up,

Hey. You all right? Yeah, I'm good.

Hi, guy.

Hi, I'm, uh...

Hi, nice...

Hi! I think I'm gonna go play beer pong with them.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. How's it goin'?

Hi. I'm just, uh...

Him or me, now! No, I'm not gonna pick!

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm? Mmm mmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hold on, I gotta...

Holy crap.

Holy shit.

Holy shit. Oh, my God. Okay. Calm down.

How about that?

How am I gonna get across smothering if I'm...

How are you? Are you good? You all right?

How do you even like me? What's wrong with you?

How does he not realize that all that does is scream,

How drunk is she?

How I'm acting, the way I sound.

How much does he even work out now?

How was it?

How was your weekend?

How was your weekend?

Huh?

I absolutely cannot... (BEEPS)

I am an old soul.

I am done. I am done trying to understand you.

I am the adult here! Not you.

I can just google it.

I can't drive you every morning.

I can't get out.

I can't have without completely destroying you.

I caught you. I'm so glad. Oh!

I could just sit with them.

I didn't have a chance to do the homework last night because...

I didn't mean like completely bald, by the way.

I didn't need to talk to you about homework, I lied.

I didn't want to raise my hand and be all,

I don't even have a car.

I don't even know how it happened.

I don't even know why I said that. I don't even have a cat.

I don't even like me.

I don't expect an answer, like, right now.

I don't give a shit about you.

I don't have a license 'cause I'm like,

I don't know why I did that. I'll pick that up.

I don't know, I don't know. I don't...

I don't know, maybe confiscate his phone? Um...

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Do you poof it up a little bit?

I don't know. I don't remember. (CHUCKLES)

I don't really know a lot of people here.

I don't really know how this works.

I don't understand you. What do you... What?

I don't want to hear about it.

I feel like one. You're not a loser, Mom.

I get very quiet and very still.

I golfed.

I got to go.

I got to spend the rest of my life with myself.

I got towels. We're good to go.

I got up and I went in my room. I got my pillow.

I got up to go to the bathroom, and I saw you

I guess he hangs out around here sometimes.

I had a really good time with you.

I had Krista.

I hate the way it looks when I talk or when I chew gum.

I hate you so much.

I have to be at work at 8:30, Nadine.

I heard my voice in a voice mail yesterday.

I hope you get fucking paralyzed!

I hope you hit a tree in this piece of shit.

I hope you like the song so screw you

I hope you'll soon be dead

I just can't get over it. It was amazing.

I just don't have anybody else. You're the only one.

I just don't understand you, Nadine. I...

I just know they shit a bunch, so...

I just see this very kind, very gentle, very wise old man.

I just thought that an adult, so, you, should know.

I just thought that someone should know.

I knew it! I knew it. They get married, yes!

I knew it.

I know I could swim in mine. I just know I wouldn't relax.

I know kids can be mean.

I know she's me.

I know that.

I know this isn't any easier for you.

I know what this is about. No, you don't.

I know you're mad at me because you think

I know.

I know.

I like old music and old movies

I like your shoes.

I like your sweatshirt today.

I look at you and I just see this really, really,

I love how you refer to him as your husband.

I love it.

I love only applying to schools nearby

I love spoilers.

I love that movie! Love that movie. It's so good.

I love that place.

I love this song. (INCREASES VOLUME)

I love those teeth in your mouth.

I mean, 'cause that would be rude.

I mean, "Maybe they'll get married.

I mean, come on.

I mean, do you even realize how sick

I mean, I hope you say yes,

I mean, look at that drink you're making.

I mean, so hard your pillow was just soaked.

I mean, that part.

I miss her.

I need you to come pick me up.

I never said I was mad.

I respect that.

I should go in there and be like,

I swear I don't even know what happened.

I swear to God. I swear to God, I'm gonna clock you!

I think it'd be kind of nice.

I think some deranged part of me likes thinking

I think that would be... I think that would be great.

I think that's for you.

I think we... Yeah, or a group.

I thought I did. I always try to tell everyone.

I want change.

I want to go home.

I want to see if I'm psychic. Okay, here it is. Sure. Okay.

I want you to just sit there for the next eight hours

I want you to think about how shitty this is for me.

I was about to call Dr. Hill, hysterical, but then I thought, "No, Mona.

I was home tonight, having a relaxing glass of wine,

I was like, "How could anyone stand listening to you?"

I was like, "I know, Darian. I know.

I was only on them for like a month, though.

I wasn't saying that because it's shitty.

I went through a rough time not too long ago, too.

I will call the police!

I will tell everyone on Facebook that you pluck your nipples.

I win.

I wish I knew what to say.

I wish you loved me that much.

I wish you were small.

I would get this feeling like...

I, uh...

I, uh... I really liked that song earlier. What was the name of it again?

I...

I... (SIGHS)

I... I don't know if...

I'll be in, in a minute. All right. Good night.

I'll call you after it kicks in.

I'll call you later.

I'll come with you.

I'll find another ride.

I'll give you a hint.

I'll tell him.

I'm giving you half my cookie.

I'm glad you did.

I'm going through a lot of shit right now.

I'm going to work. You're coming with me.

I'm gonna be your other mom and take such

I'm gonna catch up with you guys later.

I'm gonna drown myself now. Goodbye.

I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna tell you

I'm gonna go there, and I'm...

I'm gonna have to see if I'm around.

I'm gonna have to talk to her about that.

I'm gonna write down the next thing you're gonna say to me.

I'm good, thank you.

I'm good. Thanks. That was so good.

I'm handling it.

I'm just acting weird, and this is just all a lot. (STARTS ENGINE)

I'm just messing with you.

I'm just saying, we could've won every game.

I'm just... I'm just asking you the question.

I'm just... Just thinking.

I'm leaving. No, you're not.

I'm not going around the block. We're here.

I'm not gonna be a dick and make people watch.

I'm not gonna be an asshole and tell you.

I'm not gonna play

I'm not here to get to know you.

I'm not turning it into a war zone, Mom.

I'm only here for me, and my life is fuckin' incredible.

I'm probably gonna jump off an overpass in front of a semi, so...

I'm really hoping none of that was racist,

I'm Shannon. You were in my chem class last year, right?

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for being a bitch tonight.

I'm sorry for... I didn't mean to raise my voice.

I'm sorry if I flipped out on you on the Ferris wheel earlier.

I'm sorry you're going through stuff.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm still dialing. (IMITATES SOBBING) Hello, operator?

I'm the only one with real problems.

I've been doing this 23 years,

I've had one drink, okay?

I've never been more humiliated in my entire life.

I've seen you around.

If I'm crazy, then it's true

If I'm not around to fix it?

If my husband had any idea what I was gonna have to deal with...

If you do that, I will do something equally terrible to you.

If you get his address, and you confiscate his phone.

If you think you're keeping that phone, you are dreaming.

If you want, you could be his other mom with me.

In a convalescent home.

In a couple weeks, Dad'll be dead four years.

In a wheelchair.

In the head you are for bringing that up?

In the room wins every single time.

Insane!

Instead, the most attention I got at school was from these three.

Is it a girl thing that, like, you hooked up with him, so now

Is it worth turning the house into a war zone?

Is that one of the, uh, match.com guys?

It doesn't matter if it's real.

It makes you look ridiculous, and you'll never be able to fix it.

It might bring you some peace.

It puts me on the freeway late and adds 40 minutes.

It really bothers me she's not giving you rides anymore, though.

It was all me, 'cause...

It was all right. (LAUGHS) It was amazing. Really.

It was below average.

It was that night,

It was, uh... It was, uh...

It was...

It wasn't your fault.

It would be so much more fun, right? Yeah.

It'll be a great icebreaker.

It's a long story.

It's cool if I sit here?

It's cool.

It's early in the morning, super inconvenient, so...

It's going to Goodwill. All of it.

It's gonna be okay.

It's got Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's got to be so big that it just... (SNAPS FINGERS)

It's just been really hard to do anything.

It's last minute, but Brent called me.

It's like, God, they don't realize important doesn't matter.

It's me or him. Do you want him?

It's me or him. Pick.

It's nice.

It's not fine.

It's not that bad. You can just grow it out.

It's OCD.

It's okay. What is this?

It's really good.

It's really just the hair.

It's smart what you do there, too.

It's too late to fight

It's totally normal.

It's true. (GIRLS GIGGLING)

Jeez, Erwin, I would've been nicer to you.

Junior.

Just because people are watching.

Just doodling, mostly.

Just get out. Get out of my room, man!

Just give me the bag! Hey!

Just in time to surprise you.

Just please, please stop for a second.

Just relax.

Just relax. Just relax. Have a good time.

Just stop looking, man! Just get out!

Just take fifth period off, all right? Try to relax.

Just thought maybe you'd want to know.

Kewlio.

KRISTA: Hey. Hey, what happened? It's fine.

KRISTA: I don't know him.

KRISTA: I don't know how I did it! DARIAN: That's two cups!

KRISTA: I love the lace and the necklace. SHANNON: Thank you.

KRISTA: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

KRISTA: Just let it go.

KRISTA: No, no. DARIAN: Yeah. No, I'm serious.

KRISTA: Oh, my God.

KRISTA: Oh, you can see his nipples.

KRISTA: What's his name? NADINE: Erwin Kim.

KRISTA: Where are you going?

KRISTA: Yes! I would love to play beer pong.

Let go of me! You think I like this?

Let me know.

Let me smell. Hold on.

Let's go to your room.

Let's go, lady.

Like I could take a fuckin' breath,

Like I want to carry him around in a BabyBjörn.

Like I'm floating outside of my body, looking down on myself.

Like pathetic adorable.

Like that makes me special.

Like we give a fuck.

Like you're gonna go with him, and I'm gonna tag along.

Like, just just just us? Yeah. You know.

Like... (IMITATES GOLF PUTT) (PEN CLATTERS)

Listen to some music. Have a yogurt.

Look at me. I was in a good mood.

Look at this view, it's amazing.

Look at you. Look at, like, you do nothing.

Look at your hair.

Look on the bright side, you know?

Look, I don't want to take up a ton of your time,

Look, I don't want to take up a ton of your time,

Look, I just want to say, I don't know the whole story,

Look, I just wanted to say that

Look, I just... I want to say that, uh,

Look, I'm not very good at this kind of thing. Uh...

Look, it's an inappropriate time. Just go.

Look, it's really shitty to hear. I'm sorry. It's gonna happen.

Look, you know what to do...

Look, you're my best friend and I love you.

Make you feel better. Jesus.

Man, Erwin, you're really good.

Man, I do my best to big you up.

MAN: (SINGING) Dickhead You're such a dickhead

MAN: (SINGING) I told you dirty jokes... (CHANGES STATION)

Man.

Max?

Maybe

Maybe just take it easy. Can you do that?

Maybe nobody likes you, huh?

Maybe. Try... Try that thing over there.

Me, too.

Medicine, like, uh,

Men like that, right, though?

Mmm mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Mom, why don't you just calm down, okay?

Mom?

Mom. I want to make you feel better.

Mom's boobs are jangling around a dentist's face.

MONA: (ON VOICE MAIL) I just want you to know

MONA: Don't you have something to do?

MONA: Hi.

MONA: Oh, my God! Can you believe it?

MONA: Oh.

MR. BRUNER: And who's got the stinky feet? Who's got the stinky feet?

MR. BRUNER: There'll be other opportunities.

Mr. Bruner.

Mr. Kim's film. (CHUCKLES)

My brother's hurting me in my no no hole!

My drawing teacher asked a few of us to enter an animation project.

My entire generation is a bunch of mouth breathers.

My mom has to take medicine,

My mother.

My, uh...

Nadine, Nadine.

Nadine, you can't just leave without saying anything.

NADINE: (ON VOICE MAIL) Look, you know what to do.

NADINE: And then, out of the clear blue, an angel appeared.

NADINE: But we got each other through.

NADINE: Dad had a nearly impossible task.

NADINE: Do they? No, they don't.

NADINE: For the next few years,

NADINE: His biggest one?

NADINE: I accidentally suffocated him two hours later in my pencil box.

NADINE: I'm not gonna depress you with the details,

NADINE: It turned out Krista's life wasn't perfect either.

NADINE: Let me start from the beginning.

NADINE: Look at these. Wow.

NADINE: My brother, Darian, was a winner from day one

NADINE: My childhood had become a raging dumpster fire,

NADINE: Oh, my God.

NADINE: She was dressed like a small elderly gentleman.

NADINE: Then I'd at least have one person to have lunch with.

NADINE: Uh, no. It's cool.

NADINE: What the... (BABY COOING)

NADINE: You could say my mother and I weren't exactly peas in a pod.

Nadine?

Nadine?

Nadine.

Nadine.

Nadine.

Nadine.

Nadine. Hmm.

Nadine. Nadine... Or do you want me?

NARRATOR: Once upon a time on a planet called Not Saturn

Never really says, "I love you." Um...

Nice to meet you.

NICK: Pull this down.

Night night.

No way. Mmm mmm. BOY: Do a gainer!

No, get off! Get off! Off!

No, God, no. Look, I love your car, okay.

No, I don't.

No, I get it. It's... It's a big house.

No, I love spending another night talking Mom off the ledge.

No, I was too concentrated on how

No, I'm fine. I'm not... No.

No, I'm serious.

No, I'm sorry, it's not gonna happen.

No, I'm... No, I'm not gonna pick.

No, it's... It's cool. It'll just go faster, so...

No, Mom's picking me up. No, she's not.

No, no, I can feed and water her from here.

No, no, no.

No, no.

No, no. Not racist at all, you know. You're good. Yeah.

No, not like that.

No, that's not my mother. Don't open the door.

No, you think this is fun for me?

No, you're having fun. You should stay.

No, you're not!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. I'm done putting up with it.

No. Yeah, he did.

Nobody likes you.

Nobody likes you.

Nobody saw that.

Not just do it in the first five seconds.

Not you. (LAUGHS) God.

Now you're gonna try to make me the bad guy?

Now, I know that it was a long lecture, and you probably don't recall,