Sex Drive (2008) Edit

A computer is like a big calculator, you know, with the screen.

A genuinely wacky, zany and unrated viewing experience.

A hundred bucks says she has a wiener.

A juicer.

Again?

Ah !

Ah !

All ocupado, sport?

All right, boys. lt was a pleasure meeting you.

All right, come on, lan. You can do it.

All right, this is it for us, Duane,

All right, this is not what it looks like. lt was a project for school.

All right, well, come on, take them off.

All right, you take the car,

All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it.

All right.

All right. Good deal. We're going to Knoxville.

All right. Let me give you some advice, Lance, all right?

All set?

All these feelings that l've been having lately anyway.

Am I getting a signal?

And a chalupa!

And gambling. Went to Vegas once. And buttfucking.

And he has a chop shop at 5th and Crescent!

And I don't want to ruin this. You know?

And I mean, you really beat an endangered species to death today.

And I never care to hold onto what I just couldn't kiss goodbye

And I never should've tossed my shoes.

And I tell you she was gorgeous.

And I think you're better than that, Kimberly.

And I was like, yeah, this gets hotter by the second.

And I'll give you a ride home, but I don't think that... What the fuck?

And I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine, 'cause that's where...

And I'm like, Yeah, you're a fucking Ph. D. of cock.

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

And if you do good, momma's gonna take real good care of you.

And if you don't believe that, you can suck my dick.

And it don't make no difference to me

And it is always a pleasure. She's just a delight.

And maybe an additional tit or two.

And maybe I'm just being selfish here, but it is not enough.

And my dick.

And on New Year's Eve, Felicia and I finally visited Grandma.

And Rex did make my life hell for a while.

And Rex is actually a pretty great guy these days.

And something about her hot, shaved pussy.

And sure as hell not this bladder of mine.

And that's no way to live.

And the assaulting the officer.

And then coercing my load out on to the crying face.

And then it's back to the Stone Age.

And this means a lower standard of filmmaking for you,

And we both know what we want

And Wednesdays and Thursdays you're on to the balls.

And whatever you do, man, always wear a rubber. Christ.

And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent!

And you can toss that friendship right out the motherfucking window.

And you fucking made it happen.

And you go bang the female woman like the good Lord intended.

And you know what? lt happened.

And you're a dick.

And you're gonna cry to because Derrick Dicottes found some other girl.

And, I mean, if I don't go back, I'm gonna be shunned.

ANDERS: All right. Why don't you do one more?

ANDERS: All right. Why don't you do one more?

ANDY: Dude, we would bang her so hard.

ANDY: Stop shooting our car. RANDY: lnconsiderate.

ANDY: Why don't you take a picture, lan?

Anybody can shoot someone in the leg, dude.

Anytime. it's your home now.

Are you into me?

Are you okay?

Are you sure you got the right hole?

As long as it's about me

As long as it's about me

As long as it's about me

As long as it's about me

AUTOMATED MALE VOICE: Winner! Winner! Winner!

Awesome.

Baby. Come here. Come on, now. Come on, now.

Back here.

Backslash we rule!

Balls! I got to go. Evil cousin's spending the weekend.

Be back in a couple minutes. I'm gonna wait for that to numb up.

Because her lifestyle is keeping her from being happy.

Because I'm just trying to show another human being a little compassion.

Because it's really high elevation, and you can see the stars really well...

Because you are right on the verge of a freak out.

Because you guys are friends.

Becca? Hey.

Before my wedding.

Bite my dick, asshole!

Blink twice if you feel you're in danger.

Boat show, you and your boyfriend bring it in here.

BOBBY JO: Whoa!

BOTH: Oh !

Boy, those were the best six bucks I ever spent.

Boy, you need this more than anybody.

Brandy! Shit.

Burn that mother down

Burn, baby, burn

But actually I have a town car outside if you wanna go see...

But before we get down to business,

But he got no respect for bitches.

But I just haven't had any luck with girls, Rex.

But I'm guessing this chick is baby fresh.

But I'm still apprehensive about her husband being there,

But if you're on Rumspringa, what's with the buggy?

But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now

But it was never the same between us.

But it's an impressive thing.

But it's complicated

But it's not nearly as bad as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise.

But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't?

But never. Never fucking ever. You know?

But otherwise, this is awesome.

But that Thanksgiving,

But the obvious statement to make here is that you like her.

But this time, it wasn't a just friends kind of thing.

But you got to bury that shit way down. This is America, God damn it.

But your whole trying too hard thing,

But, man, where am I ever gonna find another girl as cool as Mary?

But, please, I'm begging you, go take that girl to visit Grandma.

But, you know, back to what we were talking about earlier,

Buttfucking.

Bye bye.

Can you believe the girls around here, man?

Cat fight!

Chances are you'll suit me to a T

Check it out. it's totally working.

Cheese and rice!

City folk are always trying to solve things with money.

Coach's got me hitting the bench pretty hard.

Coach's got us running two a days, so I gotta bounce.

Cocksucker!

Come crashing through your door

Come here, we're gonna have a talk.

Come here, we're not done. Get in here.

Come here.

Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door!

Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one.

Come on, come on. I do not want to die naked.

Come on, darling.

Come on, get in. Get in !

Come on, get up. What are you hiding?

Come on, girls, let's help me get some fellas up in here.

Come on, guess.

Come on, Lance. Get serious.

Come on, Leesh, just drop the hard ass thing for two minutes.

Come on, man, she's not worth it.

Come on, man, she's not worth it.

Come on, we're young, and we're Amish, and it's Rumspringa.

Come on, you know me better than anyone. I bet you know who it is.

Come on, you're almost there! You're almost there! Go, go, go!

Computers?

Cool. I didn't even know that you knew where I lived. I mean...

Could be ten.

Could I use The Judge this weekend?

Could we send you some pictures? We don't really have cash or anything.

Could you be my nasty girl and let me do that dirty dance with you?

Crabs or genital warts or some pussing thing that's coming...

Cuddle up.

Curiosity about men.

Cut you open and let the dogs get at you.

Cyclops.

Dad, what did you do with my helmet?

Damn, yes.

Damn.

Darren and I already discussed them, and he said he'd pay for it.

Did I hear something about you wanting to borrow my car?

Disco inferno

Do not watch this version first.

Do you know any breathing exercises?

Do you like what you see?

DOCTOR: Felicia Alpine.

Don Henley's words represent our love.

Don't apologize to me.

Don't be so fucking desperate. Come on, be a dick. Be cool.

Don't lean on it.

Don't let her step in it.

Don't let that deter you from fucking him.

Don't move, asshole, or you're a fucking stain.

Don't puss out. Be cool.

Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present like.

DRUNK AMlSH GlRL: Rumspringa!

Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car.

Dude, I really can't stress enough how much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma.

Dude, seriously? Still? I thought you got over this shit.

Dude, sure you can. I believe in you, you know.

Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault. He jumped right in front of you.

Dude, turn around.

Dude, weren't you in my gym class? What is it? Egan?

Dude, what the fuck?

Dude, what the hell? Why are you driving Rex's car?

Dude, when we get out of here, just tell her you got pinched.

Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever.

Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself,

Dude. Don't even bother. Your game is not gonna work on that girl.

Ease it back, man. That donut ain't fucking around.

Eat bat, dickhead !

Every drop helps so much.

Every drop helps so much.

Everybody just be cool.

Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance.

Exactly. lf someone asks you if you're a pole smoker,

Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors?

Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump.

Excuse me! Is this tragic story turning you on?

Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is?

Excuse me. We kind of need you to pee in the radiator.

EZEKlEL: So at this point, her panties are off,

Felicia!

Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit.

Felicia. Why can't you just say it?

Felicia's awesome,

FELlClA: it's so hot out here.

FELlClA: Oh, yeah, apparently there's a guy named Luis,

FELlClA: Okay.

FELlClA: They're not working !

FELlClA: Turn the wipers on ! lAN: They are on.

FELlClA'S MOM: When will you be coming back?

FELlClA'S MOM: You guys drive safe now. Bye!

FEMALE OFFlCER: Anything else?

Fill up the tank, would you, buddy?

Find my ass and just fuck it with a roll of fucking quarters.

Fine, fine. Okay. But if any of you pervs peek,

Fine, okay, you were right. My feet are killing me,

Fine.

Fine. I'll say it.

Fixing other people's shit for free.

For God's sake. You two rump rangers couldn't wait five minutes?

Free donuts, free coupons.

Free love on the streets

Fuck stick, I wouldn't let you drive The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts.

Fuck that shit.

Fuck you !

Fuck you ! Motherfucking son of a bitch !

Fuck you. We've talked about this.

Fuck! I can't fucking believe this.

Fuck! She heard everything then.

Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, lan.

Fuckface!

Fucking A your mom likes lan. Look at him. He's a big, bright crimson king. Right?

Fucking cock expert. Cockspert.

Gents.

Get all ready. Looks good.

Get away from me. ls that what you do?

Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy!

Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker!

Get your shit, queer bait! We're going home.

Give me that fucking shoe...

Go right!

Go running down by your sister.

Go. Go.

God !

God damn ! My back teeth are snorkeling.

God damn it, Rex, I got this! Do not fuck with me! Not now!

God damn it.

God damn it. Fuck!

Good. My boys are all here.

Good. Well, then where are we going?

Great. See you.

Hands to yourself, O.J.

Hands where I can see them.

Harsh.

Have a lot of nice memories there.

Have a nice walk, shit birds.

He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief.

He took my fucking baby.

He wanted to go to his car.

He's 1 8 years old. I don't have to do that shit anymore.

He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna leave him here by himself. Okay?

Hello, my name is Sean Anders. Screenwriter and director of Sex Drive.

Hello? Little buddy? Hello.

Hello. Hello?

Hello. This is a coupon for six free donuts. Donuts?

Hello. This is a coupon for six free... No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No.

Help him to aspire to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi.

Here we go.

Here you go. Pulls to the left.

Here. Strap that end down. Tight.

Hey, are you sure you want to get dental work done in Floater, Kentucky?

Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep. You're golden.

Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like... Come on, dawg.

Hey, Dibits, fuck off.

Hey, don't look at me like that. I'll punch you in the goddamn throat.

Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on.

Hey, guy. How'd you...

Hey, Harry Potter, take you and your girlfriends out of here.

Hey, hey, hey, ass.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, highlights, back it up.

Hey, hold on !

Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down before me and you have a problem?

Hey, kid, where you from?

Hey, lan, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel.

Hey, lan. Try not to come home any gayer than you are now.

Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart, where you going?

Hey, man. You looking for somebody?

Hey, Mary!

Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can show us back to the highway.

Hey, real quick, guys, what's the story of the girl?

Hey, sir. l've got something yummy for your little girl.

Hey, sweetheart, listen. Please don't take this the wrong way,

Hey, sweetheart, men are talking. We got this one.

Hey, that girl you work with, Becca, you gonna bring her to my party tonight?

Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins, there's no height requirement.

Hey, this is Rick. He's played arena football.

Hey, way to go!

Hey, you got my stuff.

Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you always have to flash them the twins?

Hey!

Hey! Hey, ladies.

Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country to go to...

Hey! Stop!

Hey! Thanks for the lift, man. l've been out there for hours.

Hey.

Hey. What's the plan?

Hey. What's your secret?

Hey. You okay in there?

Hey...

Hi, John. I didn't see you there.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. I'm collecting for the underprivileged children of Ecuador.

His heart was breaking for this poor little thing.

Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay?

Holy buckets.

Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that!

Holy shit, lan.

Holy shit, lan. Right on !

Holy shit!

How about you just chill out, man? Be cool.

How much I think about you, no

How old are you?

How was I supposed to know it was an endangered possum?

I am not racing in my brother's car.

I am so proud of you !

I am so sorry. I was just...

I appreciate your honesty.

I assume you get compensated very well for that.

I broke my key off and Ron let me borrow the...

I broke the key off of our locker. I couldn't get my clothes out.

I can love you long time

I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to about your boyfriends anymore. I can't...

I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up in the middle of the night,

I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. I mean, seriously, what are the odds?

I can't believe she had a fucking baby.

I can't believe you took a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard on.

I can't deal with a landing strip.

I could never see my family again.

I couldn't see you through the corn. I'm sorry.

I dare you to say they taste the same

I do. That's premium Felicia.

I don't care what you think

I don't care what you think

I don't care, okay? Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just

I don't give a shit what Denise says,

I don't know if that's what you're going there for or...

I don't know what l'd do if I ever lost you.

I don't know what to...

I don't know, a little hard work, fresh air, missionary position.

I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings,

I don't know.

I don't know. Sex.

I don't see no keys in my hands

I don't think I could do that for real.

I don't think that's really how it happens.

I don't think you got the plums, boy.

I feel like that when my dick's in your mouth.

I figure with the parts and labor, you know, out the door... 4,200.

I got a lot of money

I got nothing. There's no bars. You know, it probably just needs water.

I guess you get to live.

I had to party with some new homies.

I hate this vacation

I have a church thing tonight.

I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy.

I have to go to church.

I imagine all those weeping teenage girls outside, l need to dance.

I just wanna nasty girl

I just... I knew you were gonna do something you were gonna regret, and l...

I knew you'd find some way to fuck this up for him.

I know, I was with this stripper in Vegas, and I was like, you want this?

I know, I'm sorry.

I love you guys 'cause you're awesome.

I love you so much.

I loved your penis on the lnternet, by the way.

I mean that. I don't say it enough.

I mean, Christ, I'm out buying him clothes right now.

I mean, he's a dentist, so it's totally not a big deal.

I mean, I doubt I can hot wire it, since I don't even know what that means.

I mean, I got all that stuff from Friday Night Lights,

I mean, Lance, I really like you, but Rumspringa's over for me.

I mean, okay, look at Andy and Randy over there.

I mean, seriously, you wearing that, churning some butter. Sexy.

I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes.

I mean, that was a lot of work.

I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor, that's a gift.

I mean, there's a lot of chores that need to be done around here.

I mean, there's a number of charges,

I mean, there's only one thing left.

I mean, unless that's what you're into, and then, whatever.

I mean, we fixed your car for free, and you're leaving.

I mean, you got a smooth running vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it.

I mean, you know the only reason is because I don't want to ruin our friendship.

I mean, you know, l've sort of been practicing

I need you ready for that.

I probably shouldn't even be talking to you but...

I should.

I swear to God it will be your last conscious act.

I tell you, that was a very good year for corn.

I think I know.

I think l'd rather stay a virgin forever than lose it on pity sex.

I think that's real sweet.

I think there's still room for somebody to write the great American novel.

I think we should take our clothes off.

I think you may have had a little too much to drink. Maybe you should...

I think you might be right. I think I might be getting gay.

I thought me and...

I told her she could stay here this weekend.

I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever.

I was sure you were standing me up.

I wasn't friends with any of them.

I would.

I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw.

I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen

I'm Bobby Jo.

I'm driving nine hours. How am I not coming off desperate?

I'm gay as hell.

I'm gay! And, so, that's it.

I'm gonna ask you this just one time. Did she give you the nugget?

I'm gonna go check on the car.

I'm gonna go see if Lance...

I'm gonna lift up this door and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge

I'm gonna say this once.

I'm just fucking with you. I don't need one more charge brought.

I'm just saying, you guys put in a 20 minute show,

I'm kissing you, and I'm thinking about somebody else.

I'm not going home a virgin.

I'm not saying that you're gonna do that on my, well...

I'm not twat... Doing that.

I'm so happy.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I just can't do it.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just took a squirt a couple of minutes ago.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you.

I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine.

I'm the only virgin I know. I need to get this done

I'm worth the wait.

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

IAN: A few weeks later, I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding.

IAN: By Christmas, my dad got used to the idea.

IAN: Dylan knocked up Becca and had to take my old job.

If you couldn't have gotten to your shows,

If you felt the need to reciprocate in some way,

If you're short, tall, big or small Long if there ain't no big surprises

In misery

In misery

In misery

In misery

Is gonna be sitting right there gleaming at me,

It's just coming across as needy, you know?

It's making my head spin

It's time for you to pledge. Right now!

Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago.

Jesus. l've been pissing for an hour.

Just go away. Now.

Just promise me you won't ever be like Lance.

Just relax, man. I got a good feeling about this, you know.

Just ring it up, man.

Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault.

Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole!

Karen and I want you to have this, for Christmas.

Karen, let me have that for you.

KAREN: Oh, dear.

KAT: In the back! In the back!

Keep him safe on the road.

L... I really don't. I mean, I don't really even watch football.

L... I really don't. I mean, I don't really even watch football.

L'll be that guy. ls that what you want?

L'll call you from nationals.

L'll do it.

L'll get them later.

L'll just leave these here for you.

L'll stake you all to the ground,

L'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch, and I'll go pork somebody. Right now.

L've seen better.

Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted.

Lan is a bust ass virgin.

Lan just killed that guy.

Lan, come on, baby. Don't be shy.

Lan, do not listen to him.

Lan, do you know anything about fixing these old Pontiacs?

Lan, don't do this. No, don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy.

Lan, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here. Get off your wallflower ass.

Lan, give me the goddamn gun before you shoot your dick off.

Lan, honey, I made you some tollhouse cookies.

Lan, it's not like that at all.

Lan, just look at this. I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO,

Lan, lan, whip a shitty!

Lan, look at him. There's not a lot that we can do.

Lan, look out!

Lan, this can be our little secret. No one has to know.

Lan, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20,

Lan, why do you got to work the mouth when you talk to us?

Lan, you know the other night at Lance's party?

Lan, you little cock sucker!

Lan, you wanna get off your duff and come over here and give Karen a hug?

Lan, you're going the wrong way.

LAN: Fuck you, Lance. God, you don't even give a shit about him.

LAN: Holy shit.

LAN: How can nobody go down a road for an hour and a half?

LAN: I told you we didn't have time for this,

LAN: Please, don't yell at me. I'm doing the best I can.

LAN: Please! No!

LAN: She wants me to meet her tonight at the Big Boy in Knoxville.

LAN: She wants me to meet her tonight at the Big Boy in Knoxville.

LAN: Stop it! I'm warning you !

LAN: Where the hell's the road? FELlClA: lt feels like left.

LAN: Wow.

LAN: You know, when you cut your foot on a piece of glass,

Lan. Dude, where you going?

Lan. Where you going? Don't give up.

Lan... Over there. Slowly.

LAN'S DAD: Karen? Karen, honey? REX: You okay?

LAN'S DAD: Karen? REX: Are you okay?

Lan's gonna treat it like it's meat that needs tenderizing.

Lance, don't you know your little theory of People want what they can't get.

Lance, it doesn't work like that.

Lance, what are you doing?

Lance, you know, I really do want to visit my grandma, but...

LANCE: All possums go to heaven.

LANCE: Are you guys hungry? ls this place open 24 hours?

LANCE: Dude.

LANCE: So you want l 80 East and then 65 goes all the way through lndiana.

LANCE: That's a lesson learned.

LANCE: Watch out, lan ! Fuck! FELlClA: Watch it, lan !

Lance! Cut it out! Come on, you don't know who's in there.

Last night, your old man popped the question.

Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous. I love it.

Leesh, you know what? Fuck the friendship!

Leesh, you're so stubborn. Look at your feet.

Let me put it in your butt.

Let me tell you something, lan. I had it something fierce.

Let me tell you something. I didn't catch your name.

Let the leaves fall off in the summer

Let's do it.

Let's go, ladies.

Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo!

Let's go. Bring it in.

Let's go. We better go.

Let's see, what else?

Let's talk seriously for a second.

Lf you value the rest of your teeth, you will shut off that pump.

Like I give a shit!

Like, right when you take your mouth off and it's like kind of

Like, she won't stop crying.

Lindsay, say hi to your mom.

Listen, Reba.

LlNDSAY: Well, come on, lan.

Ln the trailer.

Lock up cell B.

Logan, do not eat that. You will fuck up your appetite!

Look at this fine crop of handsome fellas I got here.

Look, all I'm saying is everybody wants a challenge.

Look, I didn't even know what she was talking about. That doesn't count! Okay?

Look, I have my insurance card. I'm sorry. We're from out of town.

Look, I know you don't approve, but I'm sorry, I just...

Look, I said we're going home. I don't want to talk about it.

Look, I'm sorry, okay. I don't mean to lead you on here,

Look, I'm sorry, sir, but we can't give you a ride.

Look, there's this girl...

Look, we're almost there, and I'm not letting her do this.

Looking at you And you are looking at me

Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy.

Love beef.

Love will keep us alive. Just like that song. You know that song?

Ls there a cock and balls on the front of me again?

Ls there gonna be more hot snatch like you there?

Ls this the plan?

Ls your sister still a slut?

Lt doesn't have to mean anything. lt doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship.

Lt feels pretty good.

Lt is. You know, I mean,

Lt looks like you fellows got it all under control.

Lt probably wouldn't have changed

Lt smells like beef jerky. You know?

Lt's a great party school.

Lt's a man's life.

Lt's classic.

Lt's gonna happen whether you fight it or not.

Lt's just got like that sour sweetness.

Lt's lan.

Lt's not a reflection of... You're so pretty, like...

Lt's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall.

Lt's okay, Brandy. it's okay, baby, don't cry.

Lt's the spirit of the community around here.

Lt's, you know... I mean, what is it called?

Made lots of money.

MAN 1 : Oh, shit! You know what? We see the fake balls on the table there.

MAN IMITATING SOUL SINGER: Yeah!

MAN IMITATING VAN DAMME: Don't be a pussy. Tell her she's an ugly skank.

Man, you're too... Here, thanks. Thank you so much.

MAN: All right. See you later, buddy.

MAN: Cut.

MAN: Sure you don't want to get in on this, bro?

Mary!

Maybe we could hum along

Maybe you should shut your face hole 'cause l've only had one beer ever.

Maybe. But what if she's not?

Miss Tasty? How did you get here?

Miss Tasty? How did you get here?

Mmm ! A message came in.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm hmm. Great.

Mr. McBroom. Ma'am. Where the fuck's Brandy at?

MS. TASTY: lan?

Ms. Tasty.

Must be the cancer talking.

My grandma has got some cancer.

My husband killed himself last Christmas.

My stomach's killing me. Tell me if you see a rest stop.

Nice hair. lt'll look even better in my crotch.

Nice. Always classy.

No coaching there, Lombardi. Read the sign.

No one's around for miles. Come on.

No way, man ! You're dead.

No way! No way my little brother's taking it in the chili ring.

No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever.

No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say. I mean, she's not even...

No, but I'm gonna pummel his ass real good.

No, come on. I love that your shoes are in that tree.

No, dude, forget Felicia, okay?

No, Felicia, it's not about the sex. it's not. I'm weird.

No, I don't

No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt, so then I had to...

No, I'm gonna text Tasty, and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming.

No, I'm not. I'm not.

No, it doesn't.

No, it means run wild. it's an Amish tradition where when we turn 1 6,

No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you.

No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a...

No, stop it, stop it.

No, thanks, man.

No, thanks. lt looks like you got your hands full there, so...

No, tomorrow.

No, you are. You keep talking about it.

No! Oh, God ! No, thank you ! No, thank you !

No.

No.

No. Felicia, this is different okay, because she changed me.

No. Guys, come on. I don't have the aim that you do.

No. Lance, no! Put it back. Did you just hear him? Please.

No. Stop it. Put these back.

No. You're funny.

Not bad.

Not one car. Can you believe it?

Not this time.

Not you, not Angie, that's that girl I was telling you about.

Nothing, I just... I really like you,

Nothing. I was...

Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off.

Now come here.

Now tell me, is that nasty girl you?

Now, ball bag.

Now, come on, man, this possum's not gonna fuck you.

Now, come on, take your clothes off.

Now, I thought you were someone else, all right?

Now, listen, these girls at Madison are gonna be fucking at a college level.

Now, listen. I got another car coming any minute now, okay?

Now, the party, it doesn't start

Now!

Oh !

Oh !

Oh ! I...

Oh ! Oh !

Oh ! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie?

Oh ! Um... Well, there's this kick ass cancer center there.

Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this?

Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend.

Oh, Bobby, you were so awesome back there.

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God ! Damn it!

Oh, God ! Jesus fucking... God damn it! I'm trying to do the right thing here.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, my God ! Thank you so much. Hey, I have a secret.

Oh, my God, your head. Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry!

Oh, my gosh ! Hey.

Oh, my gosh ! That's so awesome. Wow, I gotta get some fruit.

Oh, no, no, no. Ms. Tasty, please don't cry.

Oh, no, we're good. We're good.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. I was just hoping you could slit my wrists for me quickly.

Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore.

Oh, shit, lan !

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, that was awesome!

Oh, yeah ! He's gonna go get off work early, and he's gonna walk into the bank,

Oh, yeah ! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Um...

Okay, but you do know that she's not into you, right?

Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean, she could have anything under there.

Okay, listen, you have got to be cool, 'cause if they see you shitting yourself

Okay, my bad.

Okay, seriously. Quit being such a fag and get in.

Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door, and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex

Okay, so l... Oh my God, this is so lame.

Okay, twat blocking.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right, sorry. You're doing so good. Proud of you.

Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome.

Okay. Go away.

Okay. I think you might.

Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom.

Okay. Okay, fine.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. We'll all hold our breath till you get back.

Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little.

Okay. You're right.

On three, guys. Three, two...

One... No, two.

Only to find that you got the same old movie with a few extra curse words,

Or for free if you meet the right girl and tell her I'm on Rumspringa.

Or I'm gonna have the fucking neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.

Or like I said, we could send you guys some CDs.

Our new friend's got nothing left in the tank.

Our transportation is all over the floor of that barn.

Ow!

Paruresis. That's what they call it.

Pepper grinder!

Pepper grinder! Yeah.

Planets.

Please, do not turn around because of me. Okay.

Plus, more cock, like this.

Professor.

Pull a breath like another cigarette