Sex Drive (2008) Soundboard Edit

All right, I'm listening. Where'd you meet her?

All right, you, corn fed, you can punch my friend Lance, but just once.

All right. All right, fair enough. Just not in the nuts.

And I don't know, he's the only person I can really talk to, you know?

And let December glow feel flames

And now you're in here in jail pissing like a big dog in front of all the perverts.

And usually they have awesome tits, but not always.

And you leave us out there with her mom's weird soda.

Anyway, so this is great. You changed your mind.

As long as it's about me

As long as it's about me

As long as it's about me

As long as it's about me

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

Bare tits like these.

Because when I'm with her, I was like a spiritually whole human being.

Because, me, I never try

Brace myself and let go

BRANDY: Bad boy.

Burn, baby, burn

But the most prominent ones were animal cruelty

But they're ability to open is fucking heroic.

But tonight's about getting that dick a little daylight.

But you'd love that, wouldn't you? 'Cause you're a homo.

But, hey, maybe you could come to Chicago and we could hang out

Come here.

Come on, Rex, wait. The girl... The one I told you about from the lnternet

Come on, two more, two more!

Daddy likes that!

Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like I'm teaching you to walk sometimes

Don't ever get married. Just an endless parade of horseshit.

Don't fucking smile at me. You know I'll knock you out of this goddamn earth.

Drop the weapon, donut man !

Dude

Dude, that girl reeks of sex.

Dude, what are you talking about?

Excuse me!

FELlClA: Damn you, whore!

FELlClA: Yeah

Frustration, frustration I hate this vacation...

Get up there. Come on

Got any in the trunk?

Got you where I want you

Here.

Hey

Hey, I'm gonna go see who Felicia's talking to.

Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain

Hey, Knievel, what say you get your bike out of the fricking road?

Hey, lan, come give me a hand with this.

Hey, look what I found in my bag.

Hey, what do you like better, the shaft or the balls?

Hi.

Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor.

Hmm... '69.

How many times has this happened to you?

I can't believe you just did that.

I don't care

I don't care what you think

I don't care, I don't care

I don't know, breaking the rules, talking some shit, driving The Judge?

I don't need no trouble right now.

I don't need permission

I fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady a sexy French lingerie.

I gotta tell you, I'm impressed. I'm proud of you, you know.

I know you guys are BFF and all that shit,

I might as well find a phone and call Rex

I refuse to be embarrassed by a car that looks like a Trapper Keeper.

I said, yeah, yeah, yeah

I think we should take your clothes off now.

I'm in the prime of my life

I'm just busting your balls, man. I know what the lnternet is.

I'm kidding. Oh, God ! I got you. You're so easy. You're so easy!

I'm not a chance, but a heat wave in your pants

I'm putting up three hundy

I'm the oracle in my chest

I'm thinking maybe we head back home.

I've got to get away from here It's killing me just thinking 'bout

If you guys want to hang there while we work on it.

In misery

In misery

Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff, hot vascular mushroom head.

Kids.

L'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl and you're out here.

Lan, I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want a straight answer.

Lan, I'm so sorry, it's...

Lan, you're 1 8, and you've never had a girlfriend.

LAN: We open up against Michigan in two weeks.

LAN: What? There's ants down here. FYl.

LAN: Wow!

LANCE: This guy's fucking dangerous!

LANCE: What happened? lAN: it's stuck.

Let the guitar scream like a fascist

Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off.

Let's make some music, make some money Find some models for wives

Like you can almost see your reflection in that fucking cock

Look, every guy's got a fantasy about another guy,

Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry, I'm losing you. I'm going into a tunnel

Looks like a Nachos BellGrande

Ls that not how it happens? So tell me how it happens, expert.

Lt actually says Purple Soda

Lt's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want the big, old fucking shiny ass cock,

Man, I don't even... I don't even know what to say here.

Maybe close the door so mom doesn't come in

Medium Coke!

Mine's one my... it's on my back.

Mmm hmm.

Need some help?

No coaching.

No, no, no.

Now, I'll be with you in a few minutes, okay?

Oh, my God ! You look so hot in that.

Oh, my God, are you all right?

Oh, my God, lan, amazing driving

Oh, my God.

Oh, please.

Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance

Oh, yeah ! More of that

Oh, yeah?

Okay, girls want a nice guy who's gonna treat them well.

Okay, put your hands on your head !

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Awesome.

On the... Online.

Ow!

Ow! What the fuck you do that for?

Palms up, I'm trading 'em

Purple Soda!

Rex, I'm not gay.

Said I don't care, I don't care

Said, I don't care what you think

She wants me to give her the D.

Shit

Smack you in the face with it a little bit

So, give up, give up Give up, give up

Sorry. He's all right.

Start it over again in Mexico

Sweat it out, shut your mouth

Tell me your name, I'm dying here

Thank you, thank you.

That's how people wind up getting gay, you know.

That's just 'cause they don't know how to close.

That's our song now. That song represents our bond.

That's right, John. On this unrated DVD we promise you,

That's what I thought.

That's what you say when people do nice things for you.

That's why it's funny that we would kiss, because we wouldn't

The best of us can find happiness

The best of us can find happiness

The best of us can find happiness

The kid was all right, but it went to his head

There is... There is a girl that l've been kind of...

There you go. There you go.

There's a young woman here

These tits are good.

This courageous young lady pours her heart out and this is getting you hot?

This dude wants to race.

This is our decision To live fast and die young

To Dylan's motor cross thing this weekend?

Trading 'em

Um... Nobody.

Wait, I thought you took her to prom.

Watch the real theatrical version and then come back and watch this one.

We barely make it

We gotta help him. We gotta call a vet or something

We're gonna head down there tonight and you're gonna put a dent in that shit.

We're just friends.

Well, Felicia and I were talking in there,

Well, I think you're smart, you sweet thing

Well, it's official, Lance, your mom's still bat shit crazy.

Well, you're mighty cute, and your car is really pretty.

What are you doing?

What are you talking about?

What do you know about girls? l've never even seen you with a girl.

What up, English?

What? Why?

What're you doing under there, huh?

Where do you think you're going, cunt?

With his dick instead of a hammer

With some random, hopefully hot, hopefully female person that I met on the lnternet.

With us?

Yeah

Yeah, and post it on Totalfuckingawesomeness.com.

Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance.

Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking about the same thing here.

Yeah, real funny.

Yeah, thanks, but this happened to my brother's car once

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all take off in the morning

Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers!

Yeah? Well, who is it?

Yes, because this version of the movie is going to suck

Yes!

You blew your head gasket. That's not good

You just... lf you keep your shoulders down...

You kids want to help yourself to a can of Purple?

You know he's 1 4, right?

You know you need a hug. Come on, honey.

You know, I don't really have much...

You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door

You love lan, don't you, baby?

You mean the thing I like well?

You should totally check it out

You're a grown man.

You're the best wing man ever.

Your little brother's sleeping not ten feet away

...Sex Drive. Sex Drive.

All right. Get back, man. lan?

All right. Okay. You good? All right. Aw! You guys are so nice.

And I get it, but I just... Thanks

Are you sure you're ready? Yeah.

Consolation prize? Wow! Thank you so much

Dad thinks you're gay. What?

Dude, where you going? Come on

Dylan? Yeah. ls he here?

Hello! Damn, you're right.

Hey, babe, you wanna party? I'm at a party

Hey, boys. You finally made it. What's up, Ms

Hey! Hey! What up?

Hey. No f ing way!

Hey. REX: Straight home, pussy!

Hi. I'm Mary. Hi. Nice to meet you.

How'd you find me? You ever heard of LoJack, cheese dick?

I'm not gross. I didn't say anything

I'm not talking about pity sex. Then what are you talking about?

l don't know why you're talking about it

lan ! Hey! lt gets better.

Let's see! l thought she was a man. I'm gay.

Okay, I'll be right down. No. Now, Clay Aiken.

Okay. But it's like a girl secret, so...

Really? Yeah, really. We're good at it.

Rex, I got this. lan !

REX: Let's go, Dad. What a dick.

Shit! Fuck!

Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen. Thanks.

Tasty and you... Bobby Jo.

Thank you. Welcome.

Thanks. I'm Sandy. I'm lan.

That is funny. lt's hilarious

We'll get back to you on that one. All right.

We're going home

What a jip. And how...

What do you think? Thank you.

Where do you live? What's your address?

Yo, stage fright, how're we doing? Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute.

You sure? Yeah, of course.

'cause he is just staring at me.

(ALL SCREAMlNG)

(ALL SHAPES AND SIZES PLAYING)

(ATLANTIS PLAYlNG)

(CHRISTIAN ROCK PLAYING ON STEREO)

(CHUCKLlNG DEVlOUSLY)

(CLANGlNG)

(CLANGlNG)

(CLANKlNG)

(COUGHS)

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

(ENGlNE CHOKlNG)

(ENGlNE REVVlNG)

(ENGlNE REVVlNG)

(ENGlNE STARTlNG)

(EXHALES)

(GASPlNG)

(GIVE UP? PLAYlNG)

(GROANlNG)

(GRUNTS)

(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(I DON'T CARE PLAYlNG)

(KAT WHOOPING)

(LANCE LAUGHlNG)

(LAUGHlNG)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL PLAYING)

(MESSAGE FROM YUZ PLAYING)

(MS. TASTY WHOOPlNG)

(MY PREROGATIVE PLAYING)

(NASTY GIRL PLAYlNG ON HEADPHONES)

(ROOSTER CROWlNG)

(SCOFFlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

(SINGING) All I've got is frustration, frustration

(SINGING) Hey! Hey!

(SINGING) Well, honey

(SINGING) Well, no, no, me, I never worry

(SlGHS)

(SlNGlNG) When I'm home alone I just can't stop myself

(SODA CAN HlSSlNG)

(THUDDlNG)

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

(TlRES SQUEALlNG)

(URlNATlNG)

(WHOOPlNG)