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Home > The Out-of-Towners (1999)
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The Out-of-Towners (1999)

The Out-of-Towners (1999)

"The Out-of-Towners" is a comedy film released in 1999. This delightful movie follows the hilarious misadventures of a couple named Henry and Nancy Clark, played by Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn, as they navigate a disastrous trip to New York City. Directed by Sam Weisman, this lighthearted flick guarantees non-stop laughter. If you're in the mood for a good laugh, you can play and download the sounds of "The Out-of-Towners" here.

A revival of “Jesus Christ Superstar at the Broadhurst Theatre.
AH aboard.
Alan, they/re boarding in a few minutes. I'm going to find your mother.
All I could think of was I'll never see my children again!
All right, don't get your knickers in a twist.
All right, Henry. The plane leaves at 2:30. I'm going to be on it.
All right, I confess. I went to the vending machine.
All right, I'll follow you there, but then I'm leaving.
All they care about is food.
Along with the Statue of Liberty giving the high five to a tourist family.
And after 27 years, I've had enough!
And I had sex in front of the Mayor.
And knocked to see if it was supposed to be there.
And the first time I hear it is in front of a bunch of perverts?
And then I fell... in love with my wife all over again.
And we were mugged by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
And you can't even keep the lights on! I am an unsatisfied customer.
Anyway, the woman's name is Florence Klein, 585 Beck Avenue.
Are you going to listen to your loving wife of 27 years or this guy?
Arrested for public urination and drugged by Jaco, my new prison pal!
As you can't pay with your card, I can't offer you a room.
As you know I've masturbated up to 17 times a day.
At Tavern on the Green. On the actual green itself.
Baba Ram Dass. Remember him and his inspirational tape?
Baby, wait. Don't go!
Baby, wait. Don't go!
Bad news. New York is fogged in. We've been diverted to Boston.
Be careful.
Brown coat, blue dress, blonde hair. Thanks!
But Central Standard time is great. Not too early and not too late.
But first, please sign this document agreeing never to reveal the incident,
But I know my rights. I'm writing down your name and license number.
But if she's going to act and write...
But if we force ourselves together instead of letting it happen naturally,
But we have an hour to sell a follow up to the I love New York campaign.
But your husband is a little boring and insensitive. Big deal!
Call Dun and Bradley Advertising. I have an interview there this morning.
Can't a girl have some fun?
Can't I have a moment's peace?
Come here!
Come on, Henry. Henry!
Come on. You look fabulous. I think you're going to get the job.
Compact.
Could I have some of those cherries? No, the whole thing.
Could you pass these to that man, please?
Daddy/s a wreck, so make sure you call him.
Did you order this? What's he doing here?
Do I dial 9 to get out?
Do you feel its ontological being? What?
Does it say Cross Bronx Expressway'?
Dogs' tongues are always hanging out. Would you write this down!
Don't be irresponsible. I know you took a hallucinogenic in prison.
Don't be so sensitive. Of course I think about my kids. They need me.
Don't feel bad. He's obviously been here before and knows the city.
Don't look at the signs. People will know you're from out of town.
Don't start now. If you do, I'll never stop.
Don't take out an open wallet in the city.
Don't think I'm one of those yuppies that blows in for a meeting and a good time.
Don't worry. I never forget a good idea. Now it's time to take a shower.
Every morning I wake up and I don't know what to do.
Every show you do is a hit!
EXCLISG me. . excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Flight 178 to London is now boarding. Ohio State students, please get ready.
For the next two days it's going to be scratch, scratch, flake, flake.
Forced to reveal my most intimate secrets to a group of nymphomaniacs,
From say Ohio. Because you've forgotten just how amazing this city is.
Give me the bag!
Give me your tired, give me your poor, everyone but Henry and Nancy Clark!
Give you a break?
Give you a break?
Give your mother a big hug. She's very fragile today.
Giving up is when you can still get the job and give up. I don't have that option.
Go ahead and make fun. But if you walk like a tourist, you get in trouble.
Go away! Just go!
Go! Get security!
Guys...
Hang on one second.
He always forgets this and then he'll never stop complaining about his rash.
He chats me up every night. It's pathetic.
He has to take us anywhere and we're entitled to an incense free ride.
He understands me. You just can't handle that. We're one now.
He was helping some large woman with a crated animal.
He would be happy to know
He'd be pleased with the new monument that has been erected.
Hello.
Henfy...
Henry, promise me not to lose it. She couldn't stay in the dorms
Henry!
Henry”
Here it is, 148.
Here we are in the middle of our lives, and we have to make a choice.
Here we go, baby.
HerlfY
HerlfY
HerlfY
How many were there? Two? And I'm dizzy!
I am an advertising...
I am one crazy bitch from Ohio, so why don't you give me a break!
I am ridiculous. That's what you used to like about me.
I can't tell Nancy I was fired.
I climbed to the top of a luxury hotel.
I could have danced all night.
I could've helped you. I know a little bit about advertising!
I did not.
I did when it was hip to hate New York but it's not any more, so I don't hate it.
I didn't blow up at her. I merely said I was going to sue her.
I don't know how to work it.
I don't know how you put up with it, Madame Bovary!
I don't know what to tell you, baby.
I don't know who you've had a problem with.
I don't want any more money. You've been at Sellinsky for 23 years.
I entered Yokelville! Come here. I'm so embarrassed.
I find it dangerous in an erotic sense.
I go No way, and he goes So way'. And I go You're totally stupid.
I got fired. This was the only interview I could get because I'm 106 years old!
I have a house and a mortgage, a son in college and a daughter in theatre.
I have a little problem.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.
I have an idea, baby. What is the most unused advertising space in the world?
I have jelly legs. What are we going to do?
I have to leave. My adult diapers are bunching up.
I hid my credit card here on the plane.
I hope not, because she is sick.
I just left all my money in a cab. I'm late for my play at Broadway.
I know we can't eat the bags.
I need bail money at the 15th Precinct, and bring some muffins.
I put my 75 cents into the machine and ate them all.
I put the travellers' cheques in the bag. Let's go back to the hotel.
I think I found some more unused advertising space.
I understand. Thank you.
I want to explore and experience. I want to suck the marrow out of life.
I was fired. I got fired!
I wish our timing had been better, but thanks for coming and good luck.
I won't get into heaven if that's the last thing I see before I die.
I won't get this job without a shave, a clean suit and a good night's sleep.
I won't go with you to New York.
I won't. Just shut up!
I'd just be tagging along out of pure panic and insecurity.
I'd like to get some food. I'm hungry.
I'd like to start off by saying how much your support has meant to me.
I'd like to welcome our new members. Please introduce yourselves.
I'll be waiting in your room.
I'll mention it next time he stays here. Perhaps he's stressed. Ah, a message.
I'll send a complimentary basket of fruit, cheese and a fine Merlot to your room.
I'll speak to housekeeping. I just love those shoes.
I'll write her a note.
I'm 1402.
I'm a quiet mid western guy that no one expects to snap. But when we do...
I'm angry, tired, hungry, and I'm running with the wolves!
I'm burned out, just going through the motions!
I'm checking out an Irish playwright for a sit com that I packaged.
I'm coming No, I can't do this!
I'm going back to the hotel. I've just enough energy to steal some towels.
I'm going!
I'm Greg from LA. I'm an agent.
I'm in advertising. I follow the crowd.
I'm in more of a rut than you are. Ever since Alan's been gone,
I'm not a child...
I'm not a degenerate and I don't deserve to be locked up with...
I'm really tired of this reparteé. If you think I'm afraid of your dog
I'm sorry we ruined your meeting and hope you'll all stop having sex.
I'm talking to this gentleman. Stop harassing me or I'll call the manager.
I'm terribly sorry to disturb you.
I'm timing you on a very expensive watch.
I'm visualizing coming off the elevator. My hand's out.
I've been tense. Why? Don't I have the right to be tense?
I've got an extra ticket and a limo if you'd be interested.
I've got an international beeper for you.
I've got grass in my ass!
I've got to be in New York for the most important... Just give me the check.
I've had more experiences here than people who've lived here all their lives.
I've never had a problem with my credit card? Have I?
I've tried to translate the sexual impulse into other forms of expression.
If anything is gone, I am suing. No one from LA will ever stay here again.
If I could just have your credit card, we'll have you up to your...
If it drives itself and we have an accident, it'll be the car's fault.
If it's not here in 60 seconds, the hotel nurse will give you a lethal injection.
If there's anything I can do, please let me know.
If this interview goes well, we'll move to New York. We'll have more money.
If this keeps up, I'm sleeping with someone.
If you are a paying guest, I fawn, I grovel, I am your very plaything.
In Boston we'll be staying in New York!
In jail you can do your little act for all the prisoners. They/ll love it!
In loving memory of her husband Manny.
In Ohio we don't discuss sex in public. It's sort of our state motto.
In the last 24 hours I've been rerouted, mugged, evicted, chased by a dog,
Is there anything you need? A basket of fruit, perhaps? Banana?
It would be easy to write on there. Someone who sells breath mints.
It's a great group. Let's begin.
It's always there for me. It's a Wellspring of joy.
It's been one morning.
It's good to be inside.
It's got lots of squiggly lines on it, see?
It's got to be like
It's ironic that as soon as we have time together, we immediately separate.
It's that rolling out of a cab look you like.
It's worth it. With global warming you'll be in a bathing suit all year long.
Jump!
Just go across the bridge, onto FDR, and we're in the heart of Manhattan.
Kidnapped, and seen in a compromising position by the Mayor.
Last night you looked so fabulous in that wonderful full length sable coat.
Let go. Get over this fear of not being able to play mommy any more.
Let us out and we won't bear witness. Tell them we will not bear witness.
Let's forget about them. This is a whole new start for you.
Let's get a seat.
Let's go, honey.
Listen! In the past 24 hours I have destroyed a car, been evicted,
Look at the way you're treating Susan.
Look at this, we have arrived! This is the Presidential Suite.
Lots of people seduce guests to get a free meal and have sex in their suite.
Ls there a playground nearbfi With swings or monkey bars?
Make way! Make way!
Manny and I shared some of our loveliest memories in Central Park.
Many bags look alike. In most cases,
Maybe later I'll show you my phone list. Like that? I didn't do anything.
Meet the team. This is Henry Clark, formerly of Sellinsky in Ohio.
Mersault is dancing in ladies' clothes to Bad Girls.
Miss Tobin is preparing for a meeting before she flies to London for a week.
Mrs Clark, your yellow chariot awaits and you have a glorious day for flying.
Mrs Robinson. That's sexy. Nice to meet you, Mrs Robinson.
My daughter is spending all our money and my husband has no job.
My God, you're so brave. You're a hero. You saved our lives.
My husband has a job interview soon and I need to call and arrange bail.
My name is Nancy and this is Henry.
My room number's 1402. I'll see you there around 10:30?
Nancy, Achtung! Turn!
Nancy, it's fish!
Nancy!
Nancy?
Nancy...
Nancy...! I'm having you checked for testicles!
New York won?
New York won?
New Yorkers never stroll. They always have somewhere important to go.
Nice of you to stay in touch. I wish all our freeloaders were as conscientious.
No, embrace life! I want to live and feel useful.
No, I never got enough when Alan was here. Pass me the potatoes, baby.
No, I've never purchased anything at Uncle's Stereo in Manhattan.
No, that notion that when you're younger everything is perfect...
No, you have to get dressed. Now. Think!
No, you never have to wax again. Of course it hurts.
Norman Bates could do a better job of running this hotel than you could.
Not in the elevator, but on the hotel.
Nothing. I just feel frisky, that's all.
Now we can talk. Before we only talked about the kids.
Now we get to talk about us. This is a gabfest. Yak, yak, yak.
Now, don't you let him, you know. And whatever you do, don't you...
Off we go.
Oh, Henry!
Oh, my God! Why are you doing this?
Oh, you're Henry Clark. I tried calling you at home and at the hotel.
Ohio is on Eastern Standard Time, though people think it's Central.
OK, baby. Your little genius is going to take a shower.
OK, we're here. Come on.
On lunch break? Great. You sure do have long lunch breaks.
Only in New York!
Only in New York.
Oops, all we have is one luxury sedan.
Other husbands get drunk and have sex with 18 year olds.
Out, Nancy!
Please fasten your seatbeks
Press that little button and no matter where you are, this will ring.
Public exposure is what it looks like. Come on.
Public fornication won't look good on my résumé.
Pull over. Like a pullover sweater. It's the same as pull over.
Put your shoes on. We're going to make it. Slow down, baby.
Say frisky again. Say the word frisky.
Scam artists waltz into people's rooms, morons deliver room service.
See you later.
She wouldn't come out.
She's how much overdue?
Sheena, were you able to cut down on your random sexual encounters?
Shut up! What are you? 106?
Sick. A guy that age hitting on you.
Silly bitch.
So I guess this is it.
So let's get to it.
So your problem is lack of sex.
So, Greg... ls what I think is going to happen going to happen?
So, I take it you won't be checking out today. Or perhaps ever.
So...
Some women might find this intimidating.
Somehow I'm not in the mood to see her new furniture right now.
Sounds good.
Surprise!
Susan?
Take an aspirin. Anything to shut your mouth up.
Take my hand, sweetie.
Thank you.
Thank you.
That was so cute!
That would only matter if you wanted to be a...messenger, maybe.
That's about all.
That's not funny!
That's not our bag.
That's part of the problem. We don't discuss it.
That's the kind you'll receive from me.
The 3:38 Metrofiner to New York is now leaving on track 12.
The bags! Remember when we went to Freeport?
The buses are filled. The next train to New York leaves in 20 minutes.
The car is state of the art, it drives itself. Collision insurance?
The doorman did not help Mrs Wellstone out of the car.
The entire city is saying Go home. On the Statue of Liberty, it says:
The key to my new office. I got the job. We're New Yorkers now.
The kind where I don't say I was fired and you don't say Susan is embezzling.
The manager threw us out. He hates us. He wouldn't even...
The tight black pants with the daffodil patch.
The tongue. It's always hanging out. People drooling over restaurants.
There he is.
There must be something.
There's nobody here.
There's that precedent now, Mr Brown versus Muffy, the daughter.
There's too much food.
They don't leave without you and they don't get diverted to Boston.
They should change their sign to we have car.
They won't employ a man who can't get from Ohio to New York in 24 hours!
They're dismissing all the older guys. We're not cutting edge any more.
They/ll understand.
This evening would not be possible
This is a test.
This is Nancy Clark from Ohio. You threw us out last night. How are you?
This is Senior Creative Director. It's the big time.
This is Sergeant Jordan at the desk. Where is your commanding officei'?
This way!
This woman begs to be let inside. I'm not a guy that turns someone away.
Throw in a couple of steaks and salad. We need this as soon as possible.
Throw it.
To pull over...and yet it's a sweater.
Tony, thanks for setting up that meeting. I'm going. 10 o'clock.
Too bad, Greg.
Trying to integrate the urge into a more well rounded lifestyle.
Unfortunately, we don't have it. Where will you be staying in Boston?
Unless we find some common ground, we are going to...
Visualize getting off the elevator.
Wait...
Watched my wife seduce a man,
We came in to worship and this is the wrong denomination.
We didn't get that message.
We do! We have to love more.
We don't have our bags or money.
We don't have time. It leaves in two minutes!
We got all our priorities screwed up.
We had trouble getting into the hotel, the manager's a transvestite
We have more time to ourselves now. Just you and me.
We have nothing! I'll unpack and I want you to think advertising.
We have returned the park to the good, law abiding citizens of New York.
We have to give it to other people. Wow!
We haven't done it in over two months.
We must think about each other more because the kids are gone.
We never listened to it because it melted in the car.
We'll get a cab over here. Get your pants on. I have your coat.
We'll have the lobster, the grilled salmon and the creme brfllée.
We're almost there. We've got two minutes.
We're going to eat at a great hotel. Don't ruin it with that mouldy sandwich.
We're pursuing two white suspects, male and female, partially clothed.
We've got plenty of time.
We've lived in Ohio all our lives and you hate New York.
Welcome aboard this flight to New York.
Welcome to the Grand Mark Hotel. How may I be of service to you?
Well, Henry. I guess New York won.
Well, I didn't say a long rut. But it's a start.
Well, you blew up at her because she has doubts about med school.
Well, you're not Nancy. I appreciate it. Bye.
What am I supposed to do?
What are we proving?
What kind of marriage do we have?
What the bloody hell is going on?
What? We're going to get a divorce?
What's going on with you?
Whatever... Five minutes.
When I wanted to be a writer, my father went berserk.
When she decided to become an actress, so she needed an apartment.
When we tell the people in Ohio that we lent Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber
Where else could all that happen?
Who, as part of our Light Up the City campaign, has dedicated the park
Why are you so judgmental? She might be a wonderful actress.
Why? It's not like you don't have a job.
Without the generosity of Mrs Florence Needleman,
Working out, going to movies, calling friends.
Would you like to share with the group why you feel tense?
Yes, I'd love to share this with the group.
Yes, I'm still excited you came.
Yes, Ma'am!
Yes, this is Henry
Yes. We go into previews next week
You can do it, honey.
You can't wear that outfit around a man without a single open artery.
You don't know or you won't tell me? We've established there's a difference.
You don't know what you'll be missing.
You don't sound excited, Henry.
You had peanut butter. Yes, you did.
You live here, you're jaded. You need a fresh perspective from an outsider
You look good, sweetheart. Button up your coat.
You look so sexy right now.
You might even go to...Amsterdam. And European women are different.
You saw the Do Not Disturb sign
You were so animalistic, so hedonistic, so naughty.
You'd better stay in the back for a while.
You'll be all right, honey.
You're a genius! Put it away! We might run into Stephen Sondheim.
You're going to kill yourself!
You're stressed out. Everything's fine. Just don't mention that tongue idea.
You're welcome to use the hotel's health club once you've signed...
Your credit card, please.
Your portfolio is terrific.
Your whole life passed before your eyes, and I wasn't even in it?
800 dollars at Sofas U Love? Susan Clark is my daughter.
“Jesus Christ Superstar? Are you Andrew Lloyd VVebber'?
(GREG): Come on, come on... (HENRY): All right, here!
(GREG): Mrs Robinson? Can you see me?
(HENRY): Are you OK? Let me catch my breath.
(HENRY): I'll press that. Do something!
(HENRY): I'm having Eggs Benedict. I'm having chicken.
(HENRY): Incoming. Croissants.
(HENRY): Oh, my God! Give me your coat...I've got it!
(HENRY): We have to go. You're giving him a negative message.
(HENRY): What's the bill? 2,200 dollars.
(MAN): He's very good. Can I have a doughnut?
(MAN): I know what he means. We just can't do this any more.
(MAN): She stole our paper. I came to see my daughter.
(MAN): What's this? They wouldn't get out.
(NANCY): At last some good news. We have a problem with your card.
(NANCY): How did we get here? We just got older, that's all.
(NANCY): Hows your nose? Tender to the touch. Just like me.
(NANCY): I think we lost them. Over here. Are we nuts?
(NANCY): I'm shaking! Do you believe this?
(NANCY): Look at New York. Where?
(NANCY): Oh, my God! Are we lucky we found you.
(NANCY): Thank God. Look at this place.
(NANCY): This is so embarrassing. This way!
(NANCY): What? Excuse me.
(WOMAN): I have a call for you. I'll explain the rest of your life later.
A cracker will fill you with hope again. No, it'll just fill me with cracker.
Actually, we're all out of compacts. Oh. Midsize would be fine.
And then I'll call you. if you don't answer, she'll fly over.
And those stiletto heels were... Go away.
And when you do, it's a routine. Yes! It's like we're two dead people.
Andrew Lloyd Webber stole my purse! He's just a common criminal.
Are we to slowly die or embrace life? Slowly die?
Are you alone? Just me and my expense account.
Are you excited I came? I'm very excited.
Are you sad to see me leave home? You're going abroad for the first time.
Are you staying in the hotel? Suite, 14th floor.
Are you still high? I can hire anyone I want. I want you.
Are you sure it was an aspirin? A prisoner gave it to me.
Are you sure? Champagne.
Are you throwing us out? No, security will do that.
Ask her to stop asking me questions. Don't let her go!
Barf! My sentiments exactly.
Barf! My sentiments exactly.
Bear claws. Sticky buns.
Boy, it's hot in here. It doesn't say how to shut the heat off.
Buffet time, honey. Order me a peanut.
But give me the name of your hostel. Very funny.
But how very nice to see you. Thank you.
But I went and discussed it with him. So let's discuss it with Susan.
But if you want to get together Give me the key to your room.
But you still can make an effort. (BOTH): We can't!
But you were never cutting edge! That's what I told them.
Can I help you? Yes, but first, how are you?
Can you describe the bags? Two brown and three blue ones.
Can you pull over'? Pull over. No, don't pull over.
Can't be without it. You must be a very important person.
Can't your hotel give you a loan? Oh, my God!
Champagne for the lady. Thank you.
Clark/Guerrero. Who's Guerrero?
Clearly you have a problem. OK, I've been a little tense lately.
Come here, come here. What is it?
Come here. Swing to me, honey. I'd love to.
Come on. I'm going to stay here and be difficult.
Could I borrow $5 for a taxi ...? You expect us to believe this?
Could I get you something to drink? I wouldn't want to impose.
Could we not have this moment? Sorry.
Dad was getting worried about you. He won't admit he's going to miss you.
Did our luggage arrive yet? No.
Did you eat anything in jail? No. I just had an aspirin.
Did you think about me at all? There was so little time.
Discussing it may solve the problem. But I don't have a problem.
Do come back when you have money. Please. Can't you just trust us?
Do I have time to go to the bathroom? All the time in the world.
Do you come here often? Only when my husband works late.
Do you know what your problem is? No, what's my problem?
Do you know what your problem is? What did you say?
Doesn't she look great? Well, I wouldn't mind the blouse.
Don't be scared, sweetie. I do this all the time.
Don't start. I won't be able to stop? I had to think of something.
Don't touch our paper. I was just taking a little sliver off.
Everybody wants to talk about it. What is wrong with you?
Excuse me. Henry Clark to see Lisa Tobin.
Feels good. Different temperature. You're going to make it.
For the last time, get out! We may be out of towners from Ohio.
Fries! We didn't order any. Like some cheap, tawdry sex machine.
Frisky. Say frisky.
From their pillows. You should've stolen the pillows, too.
Gee, I forgot to measure my bags. It looks a little like this.
Get out of the cab now. (HENRY): We're not getting out.
Give me your foot. I'm trying.
Go past that What?
Great city. All I see is fog.
He was scheduled for 9 o'clock. Still on Central Standard time?
He's my husband. Mr Robinson. How dare you? She's twice your age!
He's sorry. Besides, I'm too nervous.
Hello... Lady, I'm busy.
Henry Clark. This is my wife, Nancy. We'd be glad to lend you anything.
Henry, are we in a rut? I might be, but we're not.
Henry, I hear music. A kiss will do that.
Henry, look. I think they have trail mix.
Henry, no! I'll have those pants pressed for you.
Henry, you forgot your foot chums. What?
Henry? This is not right.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Hi, sweetie.
Hi. Hi.
Hold it! This is not what it looks like.
Hortense Wilson Hortense?
How about a little sample? Good things happen to he who waits.
How can you imply a turn? You know how to imply a turn.
How could you not tell me? I went here to get a job and lied to you.
How could you not tell me? You lied about Susan.
How do we get to the hotel? The streets here are like a rigid grid.
How do you know? James Bond films.
How was last week for you? Really wonderful.
How was Monte Carlo? It would not stop raining.
Hurry, you have to see this. Here I come.
I didn't expect you back so soon. I forgot my cellphone.
I didn't tell you to turn. You implied it.
I don't even know your name. Mrs Robinson.
I don't know. You don't know?
I don't mind getting older. Neither do I.
I don't. A key?
I find failure just as erotic as success. Shut up, Sheena!
I got lost. We can still make the train.
I got you something, too. You didn't have to.
I guess we could see Susan more. She won't speak to me.
I have a surprise for you later. Give me a hint.
I love the way you put words together. I've always been good with my mouth.
I need you to do me a favour. Let me explain.
I never thought I'd say that. Get down, sweetie.
I promise to call collect... Lady, give me a break.
I think we can make it to the balcony. I think we can make it to the street!
I think you're enjoying this. Maybe I am.
I thought you were going to lose it. I guess I'm stronger than I think.
I used to be in advertising with him. This is a fantastic drawing.
I want a divorce! That's ridiculous.
I was ashamed. You should be ashamed of lying to me.
I was just trying to protect you. She dropped out and you didn't say?
I'll be right back. Where are you going?
I'll have all three of them removed. That's the kind of service I expect.
I'll run on ahead. I can't in these heels.
I'm all they've got. Am I the anonymous sperm donor'?
I'm dizzy from not eating. There's plenty of food on the train.
I'm Henry Clark from flight 42. You're going to get hurt!
I'm holding it in. We're all excited, OK?
I've got an important meeting... Why all the noise? Forget it.
I've had the flu, so just my doctor. Single digits, that's great.
If we were in a rut, that would be That would be a real rut, Henry.
Is that all the Clarks' luggage? There's still a bag.
Is that New York City back there? What are you talking about?
Is there anything I can get you? Just make sure it doesn't rain.
Is this the 3:38 to New York? No, that is.
Isn't the theatre magical? Are those my earrings?
It hit so home for us. We lost a cat that year. It didn't sing.
It looks something like that. The or the 26 inch model?
It took courage to drop out. That's easy with Daddy/s credit card!
It took passion, don't you understand? I'm filled with passion.
It was an accumulation of half truths. OK, then mine was a spin.
It was really nice meeting you. Don't move, or I'll set Corky on you.
It's 1000 degrees in here. It's freezing. Put that up!
It's being with you. That's how I suck. Oh, Henry.
It's just Central. I don't get the joke.
It's kind of rough, but close enough. Wow, are you an artist?
It's OK. I'm sorry.
It's very common. Did they just fire you after 23 years?
Jesus! Give me that. And the bag.
Just climb down. Are you insane?
Just go with the flow. You're right, I'm going to calm down.
Just scoot under the bed. It's too small. Get some camouflage.
Just stay to the right. Why not use the navigation system?
Let them sit together! Thanks.
Let's hear from the new people. We got in here by a mistake.
Like somebody else I know. Do you want to get there or not?
Mario, get the bags. Bags! They're in the cab.
May I borrow your phone? There's a payphone down the street.
Maybe just a little bit. I saw my life flash before my eyes.
Maybe we have different plans. Come on. Think!
Maybe you two should get a room. (MANAGER): I'm here to serve.
My hair is out. Good. Your foot's out.
Nancy! Henry?
Nancy! Ohio! It's not so much the absence of it.
Nancy. Call it what you like, but zip up.
No, I think he's a Lord. Do you know Paul McCartney?
No. Ask her how she got in.
No. Ask her how she got in.
No. I'm sorry to have bothered you. (NANCY): What play?
Nobody home? No. I don't know anybody else here.
Not the blouse. She's got a great ass. Henry!
Oh, my God. Hold it!
Oh, no, this is the wrong bridge! This map is
Oh, you got me a spare key. It's the key to your office.
On a full bladder. I made it. I forgive you the peanut butter.
Only because you get it out. No, you don't express your feelings.
Our flight was rerouted. To Boston.
Over the bridge and into Manhattan. I already made the turn.
Over there. Nancy, we can still make the train!
Please give my husband that ticket. Good, get a head start to the airport.
Proceed down Grand Street. Proceed down Grand Street!
Pull me out. 30 seconds.
Really? I wish he'd stay out more often.
Say frisky. It's fun. Frisky. Yes, it is rather fun.
She doesn't want us to see her crying. She'd rather cry in front of strangers?
Shit! Henry!
Shut up. What's he like?
Sign this, please. (GREG): How can you be so stupid?
So we're both in a rut. Separately. We aren't in a rut.
So you'd better deal with me. Shut up.
Sorry. Go ahead. Give you a break?
Sorry. It doesn't mean I don't love you. (DRIVER): Are we going anywhere?
Special diet? Hmm.
Susan? Sweet girl. You know Susan...professionallfi
Susan? Sweet girl. You know Susan...professionallfi
Taxi. Put on your pants, for God's sake.
Thank you. Good morning. Mr Mersault?
That would be room service. We're starving.
That's Susan's apartment. Get out.
That's why I gave her the credit card. Now I'm mad at both of you.
The 3:38 to New York? We missed it. This can't be happening!
The interview is in 18 minutes. Who needs a job with all this?
The meeting was moved to nine. Are you serious?
The public phones are down there. That will take too long.
The way in just confused me. He is not confused.
There must be something you can do. This is a sign. It's over.
There's a train... Where are the bags? They didn't come out.
There's no eating before the meeting. Nice to see some new faces.
This is crazy. Know what I think marrow sucking is?
This is the floor. I can't do this.
This just creates more tension! I would love to sleep with you, Henry.
This way, come on! Sorry.
To write a note to my daughter in 2B. We don't know the girl in 2B.
Tomorrow I'll look like Keith Richards. Don't give up.
Too confining, too confining! Henry!
Try tying each other up with bamboo. Actually, we use The Club. OK
Very good. You look great. Really.
Visit the shops, talk to a Hare Krishna. Close the door, please.
Want a mint? I stole that, too. From the Wellstones.
Watch. Nancy!
We could have bought a car for that! I know.
We don't have any money. I took $20 from the Wellstones' room.
We don't know how to bear witness. Shut up!
We just got lost in our essence. We'll have to lay low for a while.
We love “Jesus Christ Superstar. And Evita. That was so great.
We made love all night in that motel. And you killed my grandfather.
We'd like to rent a car. Compact, midsize or luxury?
We'll get the next train. No, we'll rent a car.
We're all we have. You make that sound appealing.
We're back. Mr and Mrs Clark, the sequel.
We're from Ohio! We don't do it much any more.
We're never going to leave! Please, God, no.
What about marrow sucking? We're too old for that.
What are you doing? I'm going to call and scream at her.
What did you just say? The tag line is Only in New York.
What do you mean? Just that. They didn't come out.
What do you think? It's private.
What do you want? I do want to do some marrow sucking.
What have you been tense about? What have I been tense about?
What now'? We're going to Susan's.
What? Calm down.
What? It's Chinese. Find Spanish.
What? You know what we're talking about.
What's that? (MAN): Go, go, go!
When I'm hungry I'll seduce anyone. That's comforting.
When is your interview tomorrow? Ten.
Where is she? Probably stuck in her new sofa.
Where is the ladies' room? You mean the men's room.
Who are you? Ask her if she's got ID.
Who's that fol'? 1402.
Why are you in a rut? Same thing every day. That's a rut.
Why? We live here. (MANAGER MOANS IN DESPAIR)
Yes, just drop us off over there (MAN): Shut up!
Yes? I have never seen a man kick so high.
Yes? Sit down, please.
You can't sue her for lost tuition. You can now.
You don't do it like that in Ohio. This is New York.
You left them in the bag? How much? 600 dollars. I'm guessing.
You looked like a hospital patient. That's sexy.
You make an excellent point. She wasn't home!
You might as well be. What do you mean?
You remember that? What else? The blouse with that big heart thing.
You smell sexy. No, Henry...!
You usually don't taste like that. Right, I'm throwing away that lipstick.
You were really something at the bar. This will be the best meal of our life!
You'd better bring a fire extinguisher. Mrs Robinson.
You'll be proud to hear she's writing. I was worried there for a minute.
You're funny. (HENRY): Hey, baby.
You're in for the wildest night. I'll be back around 10:30.
You're married? Oh, I never would I think my husband's having an affair.
You're still here. Why wouldn't I be?
Your screaming gives me a headache. I've got one.
Yuck! Health club! Henry, look at me.
(STEWARDESS): Here we go. Shouldn't we have a little something?
...room in a jiffy.
...without medical attention. My neck is sprained.
' Go, go! Don't go!
(ALL): Hi, Nancy and Henry. Welcome.
(BELL RINGS)
(BOTH): Boston!
(BU RSTS INTO LAUGTH E R)
(CAR HORNS)
(CHEWS LOUDLY)
(COMPUTER SPEAKS IN FRENCH)
(COMPUTER SPEAKS IN GERMAN)
(DISCO MUSIC)
(EVERYBODY SCREAMS IN FEAR)
(GASPS)
(GREG): I'd know if I was trying to seduce someone.
(GREG): Mrs Robinson, are you in there?
(GREG): My lucky day.
(H EN RY): Good hands, babe!
(H EN RY): It's not earning interest in the bag.
(H EN RY): There you are. (NANCY GASPS)
(H EN RY): Where are we?
(HENRY QUACKS LIKE A DUCK)
(HENRY SINGS ALONG)
(HENRY SINGS)
(HENRY): Come on, baby.
(HENRY): Excuse me.
(HENRY): Here it is, 590.
(HENRY): I'll see about flights to New York. I'll meet you at the carousel.
(HENRY): I'm glad we finally got more time for ourselves.
(HENRY): No rental cars. We've got to find a car.
(HENRY): There's a fork. Which way do I go?
(HENRY): What's that taste? Did you have peanut butter'?
(INANE LAUGHTER)
(JAZZ MUSIC)
(LAUGHS IRONICALLY)
(LOUDSPEAKER): Nancy Clark, report to gate 14.
(MAN): Where's the manager'?
(MANAGER MIMING) £ Bad girls, bad girls
(MANAGER): Don't be alarmed by the Princess' appearance. She's hideous.
(MANAGER): Is that a new haircut?
(MUSIC PLAYING: STARTING OVER BY JOHN LENNON)
(MUSIC: AQUARIUS FROM HAIR)
(NANCY IS PANTI NG)
(NANCY LAUGHS)
(NANCY SCREAMS)
(NANCY swans)
(NANCY): 2nd Avenue and Saint Mark's Place.
(NANCY): And Cats.
(NANCY): Calm down, there are plenty of cabs.
(NANCY): Come on.

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