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Home > Mean Machine (2001)
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Mean Machine (2001)

Mean Machine (2001)

Mean Machine is a British sports comedy film released in 2001. Directed by Barry Skolnick, the movie is a remake of the 1974 American film "The Longest Yard." It follows the story of Danny Meehan, played by Vinnie Jones, a former football star who is sent to prison after a drunken incident. While in jail, Meehan is appointed as the captain of the prison's football team, which is comprised of a group of eccentric and colorful inmates. The film explores themes of redemption, camaraderie, and the power of sport to inspire.

Apart from Vinnie Jones, Mean Machine features a talented ensemble cast, including David Hemmings, Ralph Brown, David Kelly, and Jason Statham. The film successfully combines humor, action, and drama, creating an entertaining and uplifting experience for viewers.

If you're interested in reliving the energy and excitement of Mean Machine, you can play and download the sounds of this film here.

A bloke was comin' after me.
A free kick here. You're back in afterwards.
A generous one.
A hell of a beating!
A team of life's losers, led by a man who can be bought and sold.
A very long time ago.
After 72 minutes of playing time.
Ah, Mr. Burton. Thank you.
Ain't nothin' personal, pal. It's just, I don't fuckin' like you.
Ain't you got any hobbies?
All coming by the way of the big K O...
All down, Danny. All down there.
All he really cares about is profit.
All right, big man.
All right, Gaylie. Stick it in.
All right, it was an accident.
All right, lads. New cell mate for you.
All right, lads. You wanna be nothing...
All right, ref. Come on, Danny.
All right! All right! 29 minutes, Bob. Still onenil.
All right. My fault.
All that, you know, all them soccer skills.
All that.
All the, you know, the pussy and all that thing.
All this lovely fresh air, eh?
All Troj has to do is look up. Come on. Pass it.
All we got is one goal. Now, this half is when we're gonna earn it.
All you need now is a
Almost. And that was too close for comfort.
An eye for an eye, you bastard.
And attacked my staff. Wait a minute.
And atwo.
And Barry the Bookie too.
And Burton has taken Meehan's legs away.
And despite what the governor thinks...
And driving drunk whilst banned.
And give him tips.
And Hayter. And Monk! Superb save, way down to his left.
And he saved all his life.
And here comes the Mean Machine, led out...
And his girl in there with him.
And I get to pick my own team.
And I wouldn't bet the screws against the cons.
And I'm the governor and that's an order.
And in the other equally dirty brown corner, we have the challenger.
And left, and right. And left, and right.
And Meehan does not look happy.
And modern conditions.
And moves forward to the edge of the 18yard box.
And now for our secret weapon.
And once again, Monk's played it out to Trojan...
And other papers special delivery.
And prison warder Mr. Gayle will take it.
And that's 20 years.
And that's before you assaulted another inmate...
And the cons are holding out. The Monk's gone on another walkabout!
And the next minute they're all mistyeyed and independent.
And the waiting's over. Yes, the guards are out first...
And then forget about it for the rest of the morning.
And they are the screws.
And they're laughing at you right now.
And today our boys have their day.
And Trojan evades Marsden brilliantly.
And what do you think you're doing? You're supposed to throw this game.
And what's your angle?
And you only find out how disappointed they are when you let them down.
And you threw it all away.
And you threw it all away.
Anno domini, mate.
Any questions?
Any requests, star?
Anybody in this uniform, you call mister, right?
Anything you want, I can get it for you.
Anyway, you need a few more players.
Apparently he killed 23 men with his bare hands.
Are we? Yes!
Are you gonna do absolutely nothing about that?
As part of his progressive rehabilitation campaign.
As the ball's comin' to you, look up.
At Longmarsh High security Prison...
Aw, fuck!
Away from the influence of all these criminals, sir.
Aye, right, so, we are the cons...
Aye. I'm with ya.
Back to your fixing the match routine, right?
BBC News headlines. At London Crown Court this morning...
Beauty! You beauty! Go on, my son! Go on, my son!
Because I don't like uppity coons, that's why.
Because this lot have got a bad habit of turning cashflow problems...
Before leaving us, Nitro wrote a confession.
Behave yourselves.
Behave. Manager's decision. You. On.
Bill, you come on for Mouse. Where am I playing?
Billy the Limpet, bless him. He's chasing the ball like a little terrier.
Bloody stalker.
Bollocks. One, two...
Bollocks. That'll do.
Bomb making.
Boom, boom, boom, boom. I will do anything, Mr. Ratchett, sir.
Boy, Mr. Sykes, you look the part.
Burning me head out! Burning me head out!
But before he died, he had me sort out these.
But he's had his moment, and this is a team game.
But he's well friendly with one bloke that Sykes is nervous about.
But I'll tell you something
But right now, I'm thinking you're polluting my air.
But the cons are determined not to give up.
But the everobservant Mr. Burton kicks it back to the guards.
But they did give me two choices
But they still have him down on the special unit.
But this time he plays it safe to Trojan out wide.
But we do have our own team.
But what is he doing? He's given it straight away.
But when you're in that football world...
But you do tend to get sent off, so if you're gonna use it...
By our most famous son, Danny meehan.
By the time they got in, the screamin' had stopped.
Calculation, teamwork.
Can I be on the team?
Can you play football? Aye.
Cars, booze, bad tips for slow horses.
Change your oil, did you?
Cheers, Doc.
Chiv, pass it! Pass
Chiv! Chiv, lay off! Pass it!
Christ, he's got old.
Come and get 'em, mates!
Come on, Danny. No trouble.
Come on, Jerome. Come on!
Come on, lads.
Come on, lads. Come on! Come on!
Come on, lads. Let's go. Come on, boys.
Come on, superstar. Tour's not over.
Come on, Troj. Yeah, yeah. To me, Troj.
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on. Do one, now. Fuck off.
Come on. I've seen your lot in action.
Come on. Let's get him up.
Come on. Take him out, son!
Come, Dan. Plenty of room over there.
Comedian. Enjoy it, Meehan.
Coming in!
Could be a penalty. The ref's waved play on and
Could be a strain.
Could be winwin for everybody.
Dan, have a word. Shut it, Massive.
Danny I've had more bloody backhanders than Boris Becker...
Danny Meehan, he's all right. Know what I mean?
Danny, tape. Oh, shit. I forgot it.
Danny, why did you do it?
Danny, you're all right. Take that.
Deal? Goes without saying.
Defenders to me left, strikers to me right.
Did you have a nice chat with your chum Burton, eh?
Didn't take long for standards to start slipping.
Didn't think you'd sell us out.
Didn't you used to be Danny Meehan? Used to be, mate.
Do my 12 months and I'm going home. Twelve months, yes.
Do that again, I'll rip your head off. Ref, did you hear that?
Do you know the penalty for possessing illegal substances in a prison?
Do you know who that is? Oi, Meehan.
Do you understand?
Do you understand? You're nothing in here. Do you hear me?
Doc was a different generation.
Doesn't look too clever, boys. I can't see anything.
Don't ask me. You're the skipper. You tell him.
Don't be silly. Oh, come on.
Don't even think about it.
Don't fight it. You got a black nose. You saying I'm black?
Don't mess with him. Not even the screws.
Don't put no weight on it. Looks like Meehan is leaving the pitch.
Don't start anything. If they do, finish it, okay?
Don't worry. The boys are up for it. I'm not worried.
Don't you do that again. Calm down, silly beggar.
Don't you poke me again.
Don't you start growing a spine, footballer.
Done deal, darling. Yes.
Downes wide to Hibert.
Drawing defenders out of position.
Easy, easy, easy, easy. By the way...
Elvis, large whiskey.
Every man here is playing for his job.
EW means to place.
Ex England football captain Danny meehan was jailed for three years...
Excuse me. Sorry.
Famous for its rehabilitation program...
Fan club.
Fight him.
Fight? A little earner I stage now and then.
First head to hit the table loses.
First punch to the challenger.
First up, I'd like to welcome Mr. Sykes's boys.
Five thousand pounds, please.
Focus, Danny!
Followed by one mug of fivestar prison cognac.
Football trials, yeah?