Bio-Dome (1996) Edit

A carrot is a miracle.

A clown...

A goat is a miracle.

A hundred... a thousand!

A key!

A self contained world, a pure environment,

A team of scientists and investors, led by Dr Noah Faulkner,

About how flexible Bud is getting.

Actually, yes. In nature, the chances of these two finding each other,

Adding two more will throw the system off balance.

After all our careful planning,

Ahoy, Noah!

All I can say right now is that we're still negotiating.

All is quiet as the Domers spend their last days inside,

All right, Bud. You win again.

All right. Now, everybody, do not feed the animals, stay together,

All we found were these.

All we gotta do, bro, is out party the partyers.

All's I know is, I'm not gonna lose my beloved

Allow me to present... Chateau Squirly Stub.

Anatomically correct.

And all of this is your home now.

And besides, you only knew one song.

And Faulkner? Quit hogging the KY!

And I don't intend to lose it because two twits from Tucson

And I know you're thinkin' Illegal! Illegal!

And I made you my little buddy and you went and passed out... Give me the drink!

And I've been thinking about that yoghurt thing.

And last but not least, 1 900 SQUIRLY STUB.

And make it possible for us not only to balance our own fragile planet,

And Miss Mimi Simkins, our agriculturalist.

And no flash photography.

And project investors.

And set it free.

And swimming with them in an Olympic size toilet.

And that's what makes this so exciting.

And the best thing is, homeostasis was maintained all night.

And we decided you cannot go to that kegger party with the swimmers, OK?

And when we're not out saving the environment,

And you're a miracle too, Petri.

Anything?

Anyway, as I'm sure you already know,

Are very remote.

Are you guys in a band?

Are you sure this flypaper's gonna work?

Assume the position!

Aunt Flo's insane now.

Avez vous une cigarette?

Aw, don't cry, Doyle. It's OK.

Bingo! Revive plant life!

Bio Dome.

Bladder Buster want the boys to endorse their new drink, the Colonic Cannon.

Bladder buster, no ice...

BOTH: ♪ Wah, wah, wah

BOTH: Everything?

BOTH: G**** smugglers.

BOTH: How many?

BOTH: Mothra! Come back, Mothra! Please come back, Mothra!

BOTH: No way.

BOTH: On three... Three!

BOTH: Parking tickets?!

BOTH: Three!

BOTH: Tribal!

BOY: Jackknife!

Boys, isn't it amazing how clear everything gets sometimes?

Boys, this is where you'll be staying, and I want you to feel right at home.

Boys. Boys! From here you can see all the regions of the Bio Dome:

Brain cramp my butt! The only thing that hit Doyle's head is this book!

Bring the mountain to Mohammed.

Bud and Doyle are having a party at the Bio Dome?

Bud and Doyle refuse to speak to anyone but you.

BUD AND DOYLE: We're sorry!

Bud MacIntosh and Doyle Johnson.

Bud, you're killing the Bio Dome.

BUD: Come on.

BUD: Drive up!

BUD: Girls? I can't see you.

BUD: Hey, everybody! Welcome to the party!

BUD: Our home is the Garden of Eden!

Bud! Bud, stop this.

Bud! Doyle! Hello!

Bud? Doyle? Where's the key to the back door?

Bud? I don't wanna have to eat you.

But all I know is, if I see one more massive orgy, I'm movin' to Tibet.

But as I got older I realised that the corporate rock world sucked.

But as you see, right now we have work to do.

But go gently into the maelstrom.

But I will not share my tools of hygiene!

But it'll satisfy your palate, especially with a big piece of pork.

But one day to sustain life on new worlds far, far away.

But the greatest value to us Bio Domers is its rapid rate of photosyninthesis,

But there's still a couple flapping right there.

But we're a vital part of the homeosystem.

By some touchy feely save the environment mania,

Bye.

Bye.

Can you believe this? The whole ATU campus is probably being overrun

Can you believe those girls?

Cannonball!

CD ROM! You gotta come with us quick. We got a big surprise for ya.

Check it out. This is the event you've been waiting for.

Checkin' Santa's list to see who's been naughty or nice!

Cheers, mate.

Come on, guys. We gotta save the Bio Dome.

Come on, Stub. We can have our own fun.

Come on. Be careful.

Come on. Give me a kiss.

Come on. It's not my fault his brain cramped up.

COMPUTER: Attention. Dinner is served.

Cos I'm the king, and you're the peasant. (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Could we get some binoculars?

Could you at least make it taste like chicken? A bouillon base, paprika...

Count it, Squirl.

Crunchy soy patty... with lactose free cheese?

D'you understand? All we need are two helpers.

Daddy, look at the little thing! And it just rolls...

Damn it, Billy. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Damn it, but you guys promised to help us pick up trash today.

Damn! We almost had it. It was this close.

Dancing naked, you want us to take off our clothes,

Day one in the books.

Dennis Hopper, Blue Velvet. Oh, I'm slutty! Oh, I'm slutty!

Destruct sequence activated.

Destruct sequence deactivated.

Didn't I tell you? Huh? Who's the master? Who's the king?

Do it like that. And sometimes I can lick my back, too. Watch.

Do you know how embarrassed I am that I even know you?

Do you know how many diseases there are in pools?

Do you know how many laws you've broken?

Do you think you're some rocket scientist?

Don't bourgeois shwourgeois me, OK? We've been stuck in a bubble.

Don't move!

Don't touch me!

Don't worry about it, though. I think when they see we've gotten off the couch,

Don't worry, Stub. Olivia said we could just use wet bedsheets.

Don't worry.

Don't you think your couch is having withdrawals?

Doyle was up on the couch trying to take down the mahimahi,

Doyle, our girls have been seduced by breaststrokers.

DOYLE: Hurry up.

DOYLE: I can't sleep.

Doyle! Doyle!

Doyle! What's the hot gossip on the inside?

Doyle? There's a tasty dactyl.

Earth Day. You guys still mad at us?

Elsewhere, the infamous Bio Dome is back in the news.

Every effort was made to duplicate them precisely,

Everything depends on the precise time frame of one year!

Everything that you did at home, you're forbidden to do here.

Excuse me, Miss.

Excuse me, please.

Exhale, Stubbs. Go! Sorry about this.

FAULKNER: Here we go. Here we go.

Faulkner?

Faulkner's gone. He disappeared.

Find the girls, and take care of what we need to take care of.

Fine! Be that way, snivellers!

First rat to desert a sinking ship.

Fish on the play!

Fly, Mary Poppins! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

For fun.

For the pillow.

Forty two, sixty nine,

Four...

Freeze!

Fruit at the bottom, waiting to be stirred.

Generation X road kill on the superhighway of progress.

Give me the scissors.

Go home! It's over.

God bless you. I know how you feel.

God couldn't work at such a fast pace.

Good afternoon, Petri dish.

Good boy, Billy. Good boy. (BLEATS)

Good call, man! Keep on cruisin'. Keep on goin'.

Good luck!

Good morning, and congratulations, all. We have survived night one.

Good one.

Got him, Squirl.

Got it! I got it!

Has come together to create the first space station on Earth,

Has the Bio Dome been contaminated?

Haven't you felt that? That moment when everything is proportionally correct?

He needs a cup of Joe to let it flow!

Heat inside stimulates condensation, like the outside of a cold brew.

Help, Daddy! Please, get me down! I wet my Huggies! Nobody loves me!

Her children disowned her, the church shunned her,

Here I come!

Here you go, friend.

Hey, Budly.

Hey, Budweezer.

Hey, coach! Pizza!

Hey, come on. Give me your smoke.

Hey, have you ever been with a squirrel and a stub?

Hey, man.

Hey, Mo Mo. How's the sanitation detail going, huh?

Hey! Don't leave that there, Stub.

Hey! We did it! We stopped Faulkner!

Hey. OK, turn into a table.

Hi, Mo Mo! Porky! Thanks for coming over!

Homeostasis is at 98%.

Homeostasis is at 99. 1%.

Hopefully it'll also produce what Doyle and I call the beer can effect.

How about goodbye? You can save the world from your couch.

How important you are to this whole experiment.

Huh, swift, swift, huh, swift, swift...

I can feel the aroma.

I can't believe they would put a boot on a Bio Dome scientist's car!

I can't believe this! Shaved down pool Nazis oiling up our women, man!

I can't believe you'd crack Doyle's skull just to get out of this!

I can't do it here.

I can't do it here. Tiny Elvis has stage fright.

I can't make any comment at this time,

I can't make that up. See?

I can't open the doors. If I do, the integrity of all the scientific data is compromised.

I can't sleep either.

I can't take it any more! I can't take it any more!

I cannot go to the bathroom. I hurt my bladder rollerblading.

I didn't feel anything. Nothing!

I don't know, but I think it has something to do with tassels.

I don't want you to eat me either.

I got it!

I got pies to deliver. Get off the goddamn car!

I gotta get outta here.

I gotta have Spam. I feel like a duck billed platypus.

I guess now you're Mr Scientist you don't have time for your bourgeois friends.

I guess.

I have one from L'Institut de Nature in Strasbourg.

I haven't seen devastation of this magnitude

I like you.

I may be able to offer you a springboard to that future.

I mean, look at us right now. Who'd ever have thought?

I need a few minutes. I need a fuse...

I need you to do the same thing, but this time... Whoo!

I never wanna see you again.

I think Mother Nature's callin' me again, Squirl.

I wanna eat it with the frog leg.

I wanna see if the sniper killed the clown.

I win, you lose!

I would have done it anyway.

I... I have a lovely sack of coconuts

I'll do it.

I'll tell him we're sorry and that we'll try to make up for it.

I'm a Sherman tank!

I'm comin' for ya! I'm comin' for ya!

I'm Doyle Johnson. You've seen me naked!

I'm Dr Noah Faulkner. You may recognise me from my Bio Dome films on television.

I'm God.

I'm going... to worry about you guys while you're in there.

I'm rigging some pyrotechnics for the door opening ceremony tomorrow,

I'm teaching Bud how to hold his breath underwater.

I've been waiting for this moment for a long time.

I've never quit anything in my whole life except Chinese calligraphy,

I've used this technique in many siege situations.

If I go, man, you take the torch. You save the planet. And I'm, like, wild.

If I were you, Russ,

If it's about Faulkner's third nipple, don't bother. I know that.

If we slow it down, we can see the bullets enter and exit Buttercup.

If you could convince them both to give up this foolish quest.

If you think back, then maybe you'll be able to sleep.

If you were a yoghurt, would you be fruit at the bottom, or stirred?

Instantly turning him into a fluffy little Molotov cocktail that set ablaze,

Ionised chlorophyll dilineate with red dye number two?

Is intended to simulate the Chaos Theory as we encounter it in nature.

It didn't occur to him to go at the lake and he can't cork it.

It is bad enough that for the next year I must share my air, food and water

It is life on a taut tensile line, but the desert is an integral part of nature.

It makes a fine rope.

It took years to build this world,

It would take a Sherman tank to open that door.

It'll work. All we gotta do is filter the air.

It's a bit plucky, a bit fruity perhaps,

It's frightening how much you want me.

It's great, but we're gonna split.

It's just what we're compelled to do.

It's like it is out there.

It's not lookin' too good.

It's pure torture. This'll definitely drive them out.

It's really like I have two sons, Doyle and Bud.

Jen, we are not doing anything wrong. Besides, it's to save the rain forest.

JEN: Maybe they're having a lecture in the parking lot.

Just cos we're stuck in a bubble doesn't mean we can't cause any trouble.

Keep on cruisin'. Come on, buddy. It's OK. Keep on cruisin'.

Keep on goin' down the line.

Ladies! So good of you to come. Join us!

Leave Bud alone, Mom.

Leaving many searching for a ray of hope in an already bleak landscape.

Lepidoptera!

Let me get outta here. Open the door.

Let me try it, let me try it. Let go.

Let me, uh, open up your chakras, Monique.

Let's get out of this Jurassic Mall,

Let's go find us some beds.

Let's hope so. I just want you gentlemen to remember

Let's make a rule:

Light bulb!

Like the ones at the mall that the big tourists lie in for free.

Listen, I love Bud just as much as you love Doyle.

Listen, we can't go. Doyle had a bad accident.

Look at this. Look at this! And it's mine.

Look out!

Look out! It's...

Look, you guys are the ones that wanted us to stay.

Look! Right.

Look. Biodegradable pineapple.

Loosen up, bacon boy. Just wanna go in and take a pee, and then we gotta go.

Makes you proud knowing we got such crafty girlfriends, though.

MAN: Look! Look!

May I help you?

May may.

Maybe I'll show you some other manoeuvres later.

Maybe it did.

Me neither. You?

Miss Petra Von Kant, our oceanographer.

Mixed green salad with 1000... blue cheese dressing.

Mm. Check out that mall, man.

Monique, Jen! Welcome to paradise!

Monique, look. You call a huge welt in the guy's head an accident?

MONIQUE: Hi, guys.

More like the Garden of Boredom, and I'm chairman of the bored.

Mr Leaky, has there been some kind of security breach? Who are these men?

Mr Leaky, the damage is devastating.

Mr TC Romulus, our entomologist.

Much better, Bud. Now let's try for three minutes.

My beak has got a hunch, like a Doberman pinscher.

My mom and the authorities are still trying to figure that out, but hey.

My mom was trying to make me take lessons to impress the neighbours.

My thesis Tuna And You: The Early Years, kangaroo anatomy,

Nature is about miracles, Bud.

Nitrous oxide? Are you crazy?

No chalk on the bark. And then when you're pollinating your flower...

No preppy blowhard steals my chick without a fight. First Frisky, now this.

No, I was the last one out. And Bob, the last words he said to me were

No, no. Ladies and gentlemen, surprise, surprise.

No, there's a really big surprise. We want you to come with us, please.

No!

No! The horror! The pain!

No. But that was pretty cool, huh?

No. They're butterflies from the Brazilian rain forest.

No... I am God.

No... I am God.

Noah, it's been a nonstop moronathon,

Nothing comes in, nothing goes out. Not even air.

Now look at all the vegetation for your fertilisation.

Now the plants will get that island tan. Photosynthesise, planties.

Now you guys are thinking locally, and we're acting globally!

Of course it won't open. It won't open again for an entire year.

Of Squirly!

Oh my...

Oh, and they're on the swim team.

Oh, come on! What, do you think you're so... smart?

Oh, my poor Doyly. I'll nurse you.

Oh, thank you! You're so sweet, Naomi.

Oh! Oh! Oh! You OK, Stub?

Oh... OK.

Ohh... Ohh!

OK, ready?

OK, the coast is clear.

OK, we'll be there. We'll see you tomorrow. Thanks.

OK! I'll shut up!

OK.

OK. Now, everybody stay with the group. Follow me. This way.

OK. Open it.

Olivia, Romuli. Why don't you guys join us for a little soak?

Olivia, what's with this door? It's not opening.

On a sesame seed bun.

On three. One, two, three.

On your steady shoulders rest the hopes and dreams of the scientific community,

One with a dome within a dome. So don't come knockin' on our door!

One word: Raid.

One...

Only ten hours left.

Or at least slide another pancake under the door.

Or porking,

Or toiletries.

Our dream is finally at hand.

Our Joachim West is live at the scene.

Over there on the grassy knoll! Assassins! Assassins!

Ow! Ow! I have a sciatic!

Ow! Oww!

Ow. Ow.

PARROT: I am God.

PARROT: I am God.

Party at Bio Dome? All right, let's go!

Peanut butter and jelly with bacon. That's easy.

Perfect.

Perfect... Squirly!

Perhaps you'd like to join us for a little apéritif on the ridge.

PETRA: Get out of here!

Petra!

Please, I would like to introduce my team:

Plus, did you see the pictures of the chicks they're in there with?

Positive. It's really sticky. My dad used it to line my playpen all the time.

Probably both.

Purple sticky punge, or hemp, is an excellent source of paper.

Push!

Rad, dude! That was fully major. Your beaker always knows, buddy.

Relax! It's sanitised. I dunked it in Olivia's Scope.

Remember that really cute little teeny tiny turtle you had when we were growin' up

Remember the great fire of 1979 that supposedly started in your garage

Remember, at Bio Dome we're dependent on balancing homos within the system.

Remote link activated, Doctor.

Right down here.

Rip Van Tinkle fest.

ROACH: 48 per cent of normal! Whoo!

Rombo! You gotta hide me.

Rommy, we felt pretty awful when we let all your bugs out.

Roshambo for the dome, Doc? You feel lucky?

Russell, there is a bathroom right around the corner.

Russell, there's beer cans in the trash in the kitchen, in the trash in the bathroom,

Russell?!

Screw the experiment!

Screw the time frame! I have $100 million invested in this,

Section two, code three. 10 4.

Seventy four...

She and that other bimbo, they picked up two guys at Arizona Tech.

She started a drinking binge?

Sherman tank!

Should've been harder.

Show the girls that we care about the environment too.

Since the Great Chipmunk Fire of '79.

Slide, slide, slipperty slide. Just smooth.

Smelly.

So are you tryin' to get 'em to start porking?

So come on! Who's a quitter?

So I guess this is goodbye.

So I took the outfit, I hid it in Aunt Flo's bedroom, I said I got mugged.

So that's what happened to our fruit harvest?

So what you're really trying to say is?

So when you... rip the packet, it's automatic sap lubrication.

So you must have been stuck in this position a lot.

So, girls, come with us, cos as you know, girls are an integral part of nature too.

So, uh...

So, um... Hey, I know yoga. Look.

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch!

Sorry, you're gonna have to assume the position.

Soy is our principal source of protein. You'll learn to love it.

Special like riding on a little yellow bus to school special?

Spice it up a little? Otherwise I'm gonna shrivel up like a supermodel.

Squirl, the Grim Reaper is breathing down our necks.

Squirl, wait! Wait!

Squirl!

Squirly, are you asleep, man?

Stop, stop, stop!

Stop! Come on, you guys! You're making us feel worse.

Stop... OK. Come down.

Stubby going long!

Stubby Squirly tribal!

Take the right leg, throw it up, push it to your chest, and then bam, behind there.

Tell Bud and Doyle I'm writin' a song about them, OK?

Tell me, have you ever dreamt of being famous?

Thank you, Bob. Nice to see you again, Darryl.

Thank you. Thank you. We stand today at the bridge to a future

Thanks for blowin' me off on my birthday, nature boy.

Thanks for coming, Mo... Mo.

Thanks for the back rub.

Thanks, but we're having too much fun sober.

Thanks. That really helped a lot.

That disappeared and they put your kitty cat to sleep for eating him?

That flamingo dancer's outfit he found was mine.

That I've altered in a small way,

That if he's not part of the solution, he's part of the problem.

That means a balance within an enclosed system itself.

That might have been the smartest or the dumbest thing we've ever done.

That was good.

That was no ordinary coconut.

That was the stupidest thing we've ever done.

That's all for now.

That's how I am now. Anyway, boys, keep your eye on the clock.

That's my name. Ask me once, I say the same.

That's not for bathing. This is the artificial rain generator.

That's Spider Man. Black Sabbath did Iron Man.

The aim was life in a sealed environment without contact from the outside world.

The entire experiment has been compromised.

The magic word's on three.

The many years of meticulous research and experimentation,

The one with the corn!

The only problem I have is that I've run out of Depends.

The opportunities available to bartenders today...

The place is the Arizona desert.

The toxins are way off the scale, and the pH is acidic enough to digest a battery.

Then the system... will adapt.

There is something about a man who can lick his own back.

There's gonna be, like, seminars and lectures, and kegs and dudes galore.

There's gotta be a toiletry around here somewhere.

There's Mr Leaky, the project's principal investor.

There's something I have to get off my chest before we die.

These guys from Arizona Tech are taking us to a kegger at Vasquez Lake.

They are a symbol of everything that is wrong with this world.

They bought it!

They dominate a number of pivotal processes occurring in the soil,

They don't care. They don't matter.

They eat like savages. At the rate they're going, we'll run out of foodstuffs.

They just plop down, the little kids are around them.

They look like they've been chewed through by a rat.

They really did think it was a mall.

They want Bud and Doyle to stockpile their sperm bank.

They want Bud and Doyle to stockpile their sperm bank.

They're goin' unh unh on the rice?

They're going to ruin everything.

They're having a party to save the environment.

They're probably swapping Mark Spitz with those g**** smugglers!

They're taking yoga. And you're the one who keeps raving

They're two of the rarest lepidoptera in the world.

Think back. Springboard into the future. We didn't prepare for this voyage.

Thirty one,

This Earth Day, Dr Faulkner and four carefully chosen, qualified scientists

This is Hands Across America all over again!

This is it, isn't it? Oh, jeez.

This is the one. I know there's food in there. I can feel it.

This is Uncle Fred, from the Carolina School of Bartending...

This is your problem. Fix it.

This place is almost back to normal. So what are the coconuts for?

This wouldn't be one of your convenient accidents, would it?

Those'll sell better than Iron Maiden merch.

Three... two... one...

Tilapia are an integral part of our food supply.

To some steroid friendly, web footed, porpoise prissy punk!

Toe photography, booger sculpture, masturbation...

Total.

Trick or treat!

Trying to reach homeostasis. This is Joachim West reporting.

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, boy!

Um...

Um... I don't think there's a kegger at Vasquez Lake, Doyle.

Um... Since you put it that way,

Um... Well, in tribute to Earth Day, right,

Unbelievable. So this is how it's gonna be? Vamos. Get outta here.

Unh unh?

Unspoiled, unpolluted, a world that no longer exists outside.

Very special.

Viva Las Bio Dome!

Wait, wait, wait. I don't wanna get locked in. Just wait one second, please.

Wait!

Wait. I have a girlfriend.

Wait. It's over here now.

Wait. Monique, stop.

Wait. You can't leave.

Warning. Detonation in five... four...

Warning. Toxins being introduced in the rain forest.

Watch this.

We are pleased to announce the arrival of our two special scientists.

We did it!

We gotta get outta here.

We hope to breed thousands here.

We need clean teeth too, all right? His teeth... Look.

We promised we wouldn't get a wink of sleep until we brought back every bug.

We should get him back here involved. We could use another genius.

We should just relax a little before Chaulkner chills out, don't you think?

We signed up. We're part of the few.

We thought you guys wanted a big environmental party.

We thought you were brain damaged or something, but we were wrong.

We were just going around trying to collect empties and recycle 'em.

We were thinking of you producing maybe environmental condoms,

We'd be obliged if we could get some nice cushy beds with magic fingers.

We'll have plenty more information on this a little later on and I'll get back to you,

We're close. It's gonna come down to the wire.

We're concerned about Bud and Doyle. We think they've been there long enough.

We're gonna go start our own Bio Dome.

We're having a fête to save the rain forest. If you guys'd like to show your support...

We're sorry. It's just... we have girlfriends outside the dome. But you are just...

We're the Bio Dome Five.

We're thinking of you, naked, thigh deep in tofu.

We're trying to keep them aware of the dangerously low level of oxygen inside.

Welcome to Bio Dome! Congratulations, Bio Dome Five, and good luck!

Welcome to the place I'm going to drain my lizard.

Well, here's your chance. Only it's not perfect.

Well, I guess this means we're our own tour guides.

Well, it seems as if someone was a little eager to celebrate!

Well, maybe not masturbation. But give me a break. It's the only thing I'm good at.

Well, whoever thought of putting a jungle in Arizona is a pretty smart guy.

Well, yeah, I think I do.

Well... maybe not.

What are you doing? Grab it. Eat it!

What do you boys want out of life?

What I wouldn't do for just a Big Mac right now.

What is most dear to us for the greater good of saving the world,

What is that?

What is the magic word?

What kind of mind thinks up crap like that?

What the hell is going on here?!

What? You don't have any candy?

What?! You met men? Of the male persuasion?

What's he gonna do? Expel us?

What's that? That noise?

What's up, Doc?

Wheels! So that's how that rat's been gettin' around.

When I get you, I'm gonna...

When I really stretch, I can...

When I was a kid I wanted to be a rock star cos I could do this with my finger.

When it hits zero, you will like what you see.

When that chipmunk ingested fertiliser then fell onto a can of kerosene,

When the doors open, I don't anticipate any problems. Just let them come out.

Where man and the ecosystem can live in harmony,

Where'd he get the key?

Which I feel is essential for the culmination of this whole process.

Which means more oxygen for everyone.

Which one's Tito?

While living in harmony with nature.

Who could be stupid enough to think Bio Dome was a mall?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa! A little demonite...

Whoever was in this closet knew what they were looking for.

Will seal themselves inside, their mission to sustain life for one year

Will you finish a complete thought?!

Win?! This isn't a contest, Monique. It's not a game here.

With the cutting of this ribbon, a new era in science and technology begins.

With these... Neanderthals.

WOMAN: Grouse mate for life, year after year after year.

WOMAN: OK, everybody turn!

Work to do!

Wow! Check out Faulkner's secret hatch action.

Yeah, but she has her independence.

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah. Earth Day's all about saving the environment.

Yes.

Yo, Mone. Check it out. Your friends Bob and Darryl are gettin' tail.

You are absolutely right.

You are very good at it, Stub. Very good.

You boys come back! It's too dangerous back there!

You cut him off through the tunnel. I'm gonna go get his maelstrom.

You don't understand. The book fell on him. I mean...

You ever see the bathing suits they wear?

You gotta do me a favour. Remember last year when we had that freaked out festival

You guys are my heroes.

You guys aren't one of those freaky clans, are you?

You guys go your thing, and we go, go, go our thing?

You have entrusted us with an awesome responsibility.

You have stumbled into an exciting new world.

You just can't stand up and preach about it.

You know we're meant to go with you to this thing in the park?

You likey, Leaky?

You little dick!

You lose the blanket!

You mean you found my bugs?

You should be brought up to speed. It is time for a tour.

You started that fire?

You won't have to eat any more of that food. Don't worry.

You would be doing the world and posterity a great favour

You'd better do it now.

You're choking me!

You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!

You're incorrigible.

You're not gonna believe who this one's from, Mr Leaky.

You're right, Stub. You're right. We own this place.

You're scum.

You're thinking too globally. You have to act locally.

You're thrashing this place, you phonies!

You've been diagnosed with Ebola, and you're about to bleed out?

You've come a long way, Bud.

(ALARM) COMPUTER: Warning. Warning.

(FARTS) Whoo! It just got a little warmer.

(FAULKNER HUMMING) BUD: Come on!

(GOAT BLEATS) Sliced it!

(GUNSHOT) Back, and to the left.

(GUNSHOT) Back, and to the left.

(PHONE) TV: Earth Day to Earth Day.

(RINGING TONE) Johnson residence, Bud MacIntosh here.

♪ I'm a whore ♪ Do anything for money

♪ I'm a whore ♪ So the story goes

Action figures. Anatomically correct, of course.

Actually, we have no extra beds. Can we just get our own mattress?

Adieu! Adieu!

Ain't that right, Professor Johnson? That's correct, Professor MacIntosh.

All I know is, someone's goin' down! Hey, hey! Put the gun away, Stub.

All right. Don't move.

and feed us some weird punch? No.

and guess who's right in the middle of it? Our chicks.

Are you OK? Mm. Pulled a nad.

Are you sure? Give him the key.

Are you tired? No. Why?

Assholes! If I were you, Mone,

Beam me up, Stubby. Jim! He's a Vulcan!

BOTH: Matey! Oh... Hi.

BOTH: Matey! Oh... Hi.

BOTH: What?! I'll show you.

Breakfast burrito. I can't take it any more!

Bring it down. All right.

Bud and Doyle? No.

BUD: Ladies. Hey, guys.

BUD: Petri... Romu... Girls, don't do this.

Bye bye. We'll miss you. Well, Petri dish, what can I say?

Bye, Doyle. Bye, Mimi.

can help improve the environment? It's all about raising consciousness.

Can you believe it?! ... this is Joachim West reporting.

Can you cork it? Negatory.

Coconut. Hey, you know, he's not such a bad guy.

Come on! Just kidding.

Congratulations, Doyle! (GRUNTS)

Cool. Yeah. How James Bond ish.

Cool. Come on. Come on, let's go. Hurry.

Cornucopy A, Roach here. Roach! It's me, Bud.

Could we call you later? Bud, this isn't a joke.

D'you know there's a jungle in here? Yes, I do.

Damn bionic glass! What are we gonna do?!

Denise. Roach.

Destruct sequence activated. There has to be a magic word.

Did it hurt? Did what hurt?

Do the names Bud and Doyle ring a bell? A year's a long time to wait.

Do we? No.

Do you know how old we'll be in a year? Old.

Don't mimic me. Don't mimic me.

Doyle, give me the key. Give the man the key.

DOYLE: Senseless vandalism. BUD: Do you think it's really Faulkner?

Doyle's got it. Thank God!

Eeuw! Gross!

Everything. OK.

Excellent tree bark, y'all. Mm. Tastes just like chicken.

Excuse me, Miss. Are you tired? I beg your pardon.

Excuse me. Monique!

Exhale, Stubbs. I kill you.

FAULKNER: You gotta be kidding me! ROMULUS: My bug!

For a grizzly guy. Yeah. He's just, like, a little...

Free refills with proof of purchase seal. Nice call.

Frisky? He went down like a champ, Squirl.

Fucking President Clinton. You had sex with President Clinton?

Get them out now! The doors are sealed for one year.

Get them out of there! Oh, my God.

Giant flypaper! I think we got all the little 'squitos,

GIRL: Bud and Doyle, I love you! A standoff?

Give it to me! Give me the detonator! No!

Good night, Squirly. Good night, Doyle.

Good. Do you even realise what you've done?

Got ya! You gotta take me first!

Happy Earth Day. What's happening?

He fell on the book. They collided. Bullshit!

He's not here. He must've gone through the back door.

He's not here. I don't see him. Check the lagoon.

He's, like... misunderstood. Exactly.

Help! Let us out of here! There's a bomb in here! Open the door!

Here we go. See you in a year.

Here you are. Half price. BOTH: Yeah, right!

Hey, wait a minute. A cluster.

Hey! There's no knob here! OLIVIA: Oh, God. Here we go.

Ho! Ho! Whoa! Whoa!

Holy Kennedy! A little secret...

How can I help you fellas? Is it OK if he goes and pees in your mall?

Huh? Please let me out, Mommy.

HUSKY: Hi, I'm Doyle. And I'm Bud.

I am so fat! No, you're not.

I could get used to this, Squirly. It was just a matter of time.

I don't think that's a very good idea. If he wanted to talk, he'd come to us.

I don't think this is a mall. Get them out of there!

I gotta take a piss. Can you cork it?

I had arthritis. Farm Aid?

I had fleas. The Save the Whales rally?

I mean crappin' on the rice. Well, in crude layman's terms, yes.

I see Mom let you off your leash. GUARD: Make way.

I smell a scam. No, it's Doyle. He's got a quivery colon.

I think they're into us. In a huge way.

I'll be right back. I got a wicked itch on my nads.