Ready to Rumble (2000) Sport Edit

A bunch of times.

A coach? Really?

A diamond upside down is a pussy!

A lifetime ban. No rematch.

A little pure protein, send me on my way.

A little soap opera thrown in.

A new first. Four weeks from tonight, MGM Grand, pay per view.

A pair of shots from King has DDP on the defensive.

A whore. She's a whore.

About time you put it on me.

According to his authorized biography, King worked very hard in high school.

All done. We did it. Good job, Gordie.

All I got to remember him by is an itchy crotch.

All night long.

All right, whackers, go home.

All right?

All right. Don't you think it's a little strange...

Alleluia

Also, Dad, I met this really, really sweet girl.

Always attack a man's strengths.

Always worried, what, about TV time and endorsements?

Am I?

And after you died in a plane crash, he went to community college.

And by God, I'm gonna get that boy a damn good dentist.

And he supported you while he held two jobs.

And I found his parents. Maybe they can help.

And I told you little turdlets not to park your junk in front of the shop!

And I was thinking I should've been a lot nicer back. I got you something.

And I'm not a virgin anymore.

And it all started with his own son.

And it's the same in life.

And masculine.

And my mommy and daddy just passed.

And now the triple cage is in place and ready.

And now, making his entrance to the ring...

And per the bylaws of the WCW, that belt cannot be passed.

And she says that you left her.

And the fans love you.

And this is the final lesson.

And we're not afraid to say that we love other men.

And you can't turn your back on a friend. Right?

And you, work on that for tomorrow!

And your son's not in a wheelchair.

Any match, anytime!

Any questions?

Apply pressure until you hear cartilage snap...

Approach the vehicle, son.

Are we ready?

Are you bounty hunters?

Are you fluent?

Are you gonna be a wrestler?

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Are you telling me the King's a queen?

Aren't these the auditions for Oklahoma?

As far as being in shape is concerned...

Attack them head on as they're coming to you full speed.

Au corvair. Would a loser have two tickets...

Awesome moves, huh?

Bandini guy's like 100 years old, anyway.

Because that, my friend...

Bedroom match.

Behold the King!

Best show in the world.

Better than all the rest ler

Bill, I appreciate it. Really, I do.

Bingo!

Bite me, old man.

Bogus Sinclair allergies!

Boopie thinks it's a bad idea. We shouldn't do it.

Boss's orders, fat boy.

Both men down! Wait a minute!

Breasts. Jugs. Hooters.

Bring it on!

Brittany, listen. Let's go out again.

Buenos nachos, señorita.

Bullshit what happened.

But don't run away.

But don't worry, because tomorrow night...

But he has seen the light. He's a changed man.

But he'll have to stay here a while. He's got multiple injuries.

But I just try and play the cards that's dealt me.

But I'm destined for other things. I'm following my dream.

But remember what I told you.

But right now, I'm gonna train for this freaking death match, baby.

But the fact is, he let me down.

But ultimately, he's your friend, right?

But who cares, bro? What's tonight?

Can he really raise the dead? My dog, Skipper, is buried under my sandbox.

Can I have a Butterfinger too?

Can I help you?

Can we do something for you?

Can you imagine the intensity?

Can you say it now?

Charlie Manson was following his dream.

Come here.

Come on down and get it!

Come on down.

Come on in, boys.

Come on in.

Come on, Diamond Dallas. Take it like the punk bitch you are!

Come on, fat boy.

Come on, get up! Count him out! Count him out!

Come on, I feel bad.

Come on, Jimmy.

Come on, King!

Come on, King.

Come on, King.

Come on, King. Let me give you a hand, buddy.

Come on, let's bounce.

Come on, sweetheart. Join the party.

Come on, this is nothing!

Come on, this is nothing!

Come on, this is nothing!

Come on, you know the drill.

Come on! This is nothing!

Come on.

Come on. Keep your hands where I can see them.

Come on. Last, but not least...

Come on. You can do it.

Coming to the ring first, from Marietta, Georgia...

Could we come in? Five minutes is all we ask of the King.

Couldn't help it? I can't help delivering a suplex!

Count it, ref. One! Two! Three!

Count your money, midget.

Crown us, come on!

Dad, you gotta cut the crap with the shakedowns.

Dallas, I want to talk to you.

Damn allergies.

Damn Diamond Dallas Page!

Damn it, Jim. We're firemen, not janitors.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

Damn.

DDP is headed up. He's made his way into cage number three.

Dear Dad: I am fine.

Diamond Dallas Page has taken a horrible fall!

Diamond Dallas Page!

Diamond Dallas Page!

Did you fart in that van?

Do I know him?

Do not concur. Sasha is the best of the best.

Do your magic.

Don't "what" me. You know what. Don't do it.

Don't do it, Dad.

Don't worry about me. Sit down. Sit down.

Don't you get it?

Don't you think it's strange that we crashed the truck on the way home?

Down with King? Big Jimmy King fan?

Drunk Jimmy King in a dress. We're out of here.

Dude, my dad'll hear you.

Eugenia King?

Eugenia, please.

Even though my wife just left me...

Everybody out here now! All of you, let's go! Come on!

Everything's changed overnight.

Excuse me, Mr. Sinclair? They're ready.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Jimmy, looks like you need a tag team partner.

Excuse the mess. My aim's a little off.

Face it. You're a second rate wrestler and a third rate man.

Fatty just made you his shithouse bitch!

Feel that, Jimmy?

First, Fireman Fred.

Five. Four. Three. Two.

For chrissake, Titus, you're hogging my spotlight.

For the thousands in attendance...

Foreign objects!

Forget what I just told you.

Forgot our mission, what was important.

Found him in drainage tunnel 14. He didn't want to leave.

Four men are coming out. Of course, it's DDP's goons.

Four men.

Frankie...

Freeze, loafer!

Front and present.

Funny?

Gentlemen, I'm sorry.

Gentlemen, step into my office.

Get back to basics.

Get in the van now, okay?

Get me a T shirt. A really tight one.

Get out of here!

Get out of town.

Get them off of me!

Get up and get that belt!

Get. Get out.

Giants come and go in this great sport of ours, but there is only one king:

Give it to me, big boy.

Give it to you two times!

Give me a sign

Give us a "begone."

Give us a "rule you," please?

Glad you made it.

Go get my damn beer, you frigging morons!

Go. Start again.

God bless America!

Gonna be a while. Me and Jimmy King don't lose.

Good God!

Good Lord! I am blessed!

Good luck to you, now.

Good luck.

Good sound effects.

Good. I'm just finishing up with the local high school wrestling team.

Good. Keep it up.

Good. Smart.

Good. Whores.

Gordie, come on. We need you, brother. Let's go.

Gordie, we need you, baby. I need you.

Gordie, you look great in that uniform.

Gordie?

Gordie?

Gordie?

Gordie?

Got a beer?

Got him a coach, he's starting to listen. Things are looking up.

Got something for you, Sal.

Great.

Growing up in Cody, Wyoming, I lived to watch Jimmy King fight.

Hallelujah.

Harpoon his ass!

Have you back on that throne in no time. Come on.

Haven't felt this good in a long time.

He actually says, "I can beat up anyone I want."

He broke the table! Oh, my goodness!

He can't do it.

He could have been a doctor.

He just sent Jimmy King down all the way to cage number one!

He lost his right nut in Nam.

He needs us now more than ever.

He needs us.

He said that he wanted the Brittany... Stop it!

He wants you to stay away from King.

He will.

He'll pile drive you, crown you, and he's gonna get the win.

He's headed up to the second cage.

He's immortal, timeless. He can raise the dead!

He's old school.

He's the best ler

He's the best. There's no better.

He's trying for an early win. He didn't get it.

He's undefeated, and he holds the record...

He's worthless.

Hell, everybody knows wrestling's fake.

Hell, yeah.

Hello, Eugenia.

Hello?

Here come Page's goons, led by Sid Vicious!

Here comes Jimmy.

Here they come! Finally, the King's men have come to bail him out!

Here tonight, in a hard core match...

Here's a move we've seen before. Very familiar. Diamond Dallas...

Here's the address.

Here's the reigning WCW Heavyweight...

Hey, and you're in luck.

Hey, Brittany! How's the weather in there? Cold today, hot tamale?

Hey, jackass.

Hey, Sean.

Hey, shit boys! How's the shit work?

Hey. We're trying to get to Atlanta.

Hi, Brittany, I'm sorry. Can I please have...

Hi, Dad.

Hi, darling, I'm afraid we need to take people who can help us in Vegas.

Hi, Wendy.

His majesty needs you in the corner.

His majesty needs you in the corner.

Hit me baby one more time

Hold on, baby. Hold the damn phones.

Honk, honk.

Hope I broke it.

How about this:

How can you be phony if we believe in you?

How can you say that?

How does my hair look? Is it the Finesse?

How far is Atlanta from here?

How much money you got?

How you doing, Booker?

How'd you know where to find him?

How's Sal?

I ain't no damn bum!

I ain't no king! There never was no king!

I ain't scared of that circus freak.

I ain't your son.

I can breathe out here.

I can find anyone on the Net.

I can't believe how much we suck!

I can't stop looking at them!

I can't.

I can't.

I cannot deal with these losers. I'm gonna work with the cheese.

I could never forgive you for what you did to Sal.

I couldn't stop thinking about how you were always nice to me.

I didn't know you spoke Spanish.

I don't get what these kids dig about him.

I don't know if I can do this without you.

I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of this shit.

I don't know, Gordie. What would he do?

I don't need a trainer. I need a safe house, baby.

I don't need to beg or borrow

I feel like a kid again.

I feel like I let you down.

I found a site. "King, Jimmy."

I got news for you.

I got this.

I got three words for you, baby, 9 1 1.

I got your poster up in my room.

I gotta go. My dad says yakking on the phone is for pussies.

I gotta study for this cop exam.

I guess I deserved that.

I have a gift for you too.

I have to use the little girls' room.

I haven't seen him for months.

I heard he lives in a castle. I never seen it, though.

I heard Sal was just too beat up to make the trip.

I just had to kick you in the diddly again.

I know a place we can do that.

I know that. You know that.

I know what's going on here.

I know you don't wanna talk about your fallout...

I know.

I know. I know. King lost his way.

I know. It smells like you poured it right from your butt.

I like wrestling.

I live my life Like there's no tomorrow

I love Jimmy King.

I love Sean!

I love that shit!

I love you, Sean!

I made that league and he knows it. I put the butts in the seats.

I made them all!

I made two.

I made wrestling! Me!

I made you. If it wasn't for me, you'd be nothing.

I mean, he's making me take that cop exam.

I mean, no, son. How you doing? It's good to see...

I mean, that's him. That's the King.

I meant, why don't we wrestle in here?

I must confess I still believe

I need you in my corner, man.

I need you to help me pick my posse.

I need you to help us go down to Vegas and rule ass! Let's go!

I ought to kick your ass, freak!

I puke all the time and I'm not a pussy.

I really like how you stood up to Sinclair.

I said, "Watch out for the pyro."

I saw you in that brawl tonight.

I saw you on TNT. What was New York like?

I should decide what I want to do with my life.

I should have smelled it was you. What do you guys want?

I struggled through most of it, but the butt fruit settled at the bottom.

I sucker punched Page last night. It was a fluke!

I think he means weaknesses.

I think he's gonna go up for the crown.

I think that boopie should keep her mouth shut.

I think that the King is ready to be a man.

I think we should get back together.

I think you killed him.

I think you're sexy, Gene. Really I do.

I understand. Really, I do.

I want to start tight on the belt, then reveal us, pulling back.

I want to welcome you to the royal ass kicking...

I was your partner!

I will bust you!

I will get you another one ASAP.

I will kill you if you fuck this up.

I will now unveil my...

I will reign supreme!

I will rule you!

I wish Gordie was coming.

I won't stop rocking till I retire

I'd love to wrestle you in here.

I'd love you to show me your awesome moves.

I'll get you a refill.

I'll help you find him if you split the reward with me.

I'll remember my dad by the epic beating I get for coming home late.

I'll search the Web for info on King's whereabouts.

I'll see you, okay?

I'll tell you. He'd fight to make it right.

I'll totally be thinking of you. Bye!

I'm a little banged up. I don't know.

I'm doing Letterman.

I'm Fireman Fred, and I'm gonna hose you!

I'm gonna get him a Butterfinger.

I'm gonna get you! Yeah!

I'm gonna kick your ass!

I'm gonna pay off all my debts. I'm gonna do the right thing by you.

I'm gonna win $1 million.

I'm Gordie.

I'm King of Rock There is none higher

I'm melting! Sweet Jesus, I'm melting!

I'm not exactly sure.

I'm scared, baby. I'm scared.

I'm so sorry, Gordie.

I'm sorry that I took off on you...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was having terrible back spasms that day.

I'm sure there's another one coming up that you can force me to take.

I'm sure.

I've been using the jackhammer.

I've seen you.

If you do it, Jimmy King'll get hurt tonight. Don't.

If you find him...

If you plan to have any future at all...

In the most amazing battle ever witnessed, ladies and gentlemen...

In two weeks, you came back and ruled!

Incredible!

Is it...

Is that all you got?

Isn't he the best?

It is safe to assume that professional wrestlers...

It was good. It was fun.

It wasn't me. Swear to God.

It's a conspiracy, all right?

It's a four post massacre. They all come up at the same time!

It's a surprise. Don't worry.

It's about what's in here!

It's another plot. A "rouge."

It's been a pleasure sitting with you.

It's definitely bruised.

It's even. It's back to square one.

It's gotta be some kind of test.

It's like dancing, you know?

It's not exactly a castle.

It's not like the rest of my life been a bowl of cherries either.

It's not that I have trouble. Just sometimes I don't see the point.

It's not your fault, Sasha.

It's on top of the cage of death.

It's over, Gordie.

It's over.

It's Sting! He nailed Diamond Dallas Page!

It's the greatest.

It's the prince.

It's time, folks. It's finally here.

It's treachery.

It's your dream. It's your dream. Come on.

Jerk!

Jerko, what do you want?

Jesus, look at that grill!

Jesus, what the hell are you doing?

Jimmy King has made his way up to the second cage.

Jimmy King has overcome all the odds, Mike! He's the champion!

Jimmy King is not a...

Jimmy King is not scared. Jimmy King does not back down.

Jimmy King is the best wrestler

Jimmy King is the greatest wrestler of all time.

Jimmy King, he doesn't know a wristlock from a wristwatch.

Jimmy King!

Jimmy King!

Jimmy King!

Jimmy King!

Jimmy King!

Jimmy King.

Jimmy King.

Jimmy King's a big fat loser! He's a sissy in tights!

Jimmy King's dead, okay?

Jimmy was never very bright.

Jimmy, Jimmy King

Jimmy's in trouble!

Joe Stalin, Michael Bolton... You get my point?

Just because it's your dream doesn't make it right or noble or whatever.

Just doing her job.

Just get in the car.

Just take it easy.

Juventud Guerrero just drop kicked the ladder!

Keep my chin up.

Keep your hands where I can see them!

Kid, move your fat head! I can't see!

Kid's wasted his entire life.

Kind of been training alongside him...

King down on the floor, trying to get up to a knee.

King is king.

King mounting the corner.

King positioning the ladder in the ring.

King says, and I quote:

King vs. Diamond Dallas Page.

King!

King!

King!

King's a good man who just seems to have lost his way.

King's not in the script!

Know what I don't get?

Kumbaya

Kumbaya, my Lord

Kumbaya, my Lord

Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Leave me alone, loser!

Leave my husband's medicine on the top step. I'll tip you next time...

Left school in 10th grade.

Lesson one: The possum ain't dead till it's sc****d off the road.

Let me help you back in. Come on.

Let me help you up.

Let me tell you about these kids. They're morons.

Let's begone!

Let's do this.

Let's get closer. King's coming up.

Let's go. That's not the King, just some weird lady.

Let's roll. We'll do it.

Like it?

Like Richard Petty ran a stock car into my balls...

Like you poured it from your butt.

Like you'll really manage King, and Gordie's gonna wrestle.

Listen to me very carefully.

Listen to me, you dumbshits!

Listen to me.

Listen, me and my associate...

Listen, pal, wouldn't you rather be on the other side of this search?

Listen, sunshine...

Listen. You need a posse of guys who are gonna support you.

Long live the new king and reigning champion...

Look and listen to this capacity crowd...

Look out, Jimmy!

Look what I made.

Look what it's done for your mom and your sister.

Look, I know you got demons.

Look, I used to look up to Jimmy just like you two.

Look, it's Goldberg. It's the Disco Inferno...

Looking good, baby.

Ma'am...

Makes me wanna puke. But my dad says puking's for pussies.

Mama says he's gotta pay for my braces...

Man, that rocks.

Maybe we shouldn't do it.

Me neither. Swear to God.

Me too, man. Hit me! My turn!

Me too.

Me!

Michael got himself a whore

Michael, row your boat ashore

Michael, row your boat ashore

Mike, what is this? What's this right here?

Monday Night Nitro!

Morons.

Mr. Bandini, he's ready to listen and learn.

Mr. Bandini's a tough old man.

Mr. Goldberg, that was a nice throw. How you doing?

Mr. Page? Got 60 seconds.

Mrs. MacKenzie!

My balls are in my throat...

My dad...

My dad'll shoot you.

My friends, they call me Pretty Kitty.

My heart's right here in Lusk.

My loneliness is killing me

My nuts.

My research shows he has three kids...

My son almost threw away a career for that nonsense.

Never happen.

Next, this is The Chewer.

Nice spear, kid.

Nice to see you, Billy.

Nice.

Nitro girls, dead ahead.

No bugs are gonna feast on your ass!

No excuses.

No goddamn way, baby!

No matter what happens in Vegas...

No one ever expects you to attack the strongest part of the fort.

No place like home.

No skimpy outfits, no touching other men.

No way. She's my dream girl, bro. Come on.

No, don't sweat it. The guy's a moron.

No, I don't think I know him.

No, I mean strengths.

No, that's bad. One more time.

No, you kicked him in the face.

No!

No! No!

No.

No.

No. Because you don't have one.

No. I feel fine.

No. It stands for something.

No. She's too much like one of the guys.

No. We were just checking out your breasts.

Not how I remember it.

Nothing can hurt Jimmy King.

Now both Diamond Dallas Page and Jimmy King...

Now I'm gonna get you!

Now you're gonna get it!

Now, get the hell out of my house! I'm done with you. Get out!

Now, please, just get me out of here.

Oh, did you see that elbow? Down goes Jimmy King!

Oh, extra naked.

Oh, hey, Big Bill! Goldberg, what are you doing?

Oh, jeez, God, that's bad.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, man!

Oh, my God, I'm on fire! I'm melting!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, please! You fought with a broken back before.

Oh, shit, man!

Oh, the humanity!

Oh, the humanity. Make it stop.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah. I'm driving first leg.

Oh, yes, boys. Jimmy King is gonna bitch slap Diamond Dallas.

Okay, baby, triple cage.

Okay, Dawkins, who's left?

One! Two! Three!

One. Two. Three.

Only gave him a little flick.

Or a new identity from the FBI. Or a fast car.

Or I will rule you!

Out of nowhere, Jimmy King with a foreign object to the head of DDP!

Out of the way!

Page vs. King! Page vs. King!

Page, what do you really feel about Jimmy King?

Page!

Paying you back!

Personal appearance fee.

Piss off! Five minutes are up. Get out!

Please welcome Jimmy King!

Please?

Police work's for men.

Poor guy should be in the morgue after what you guys did.

Praise Him, in all His mercies!

Pretty awesome.

Pretty good.

Ready for that big match tonight?

Ready?

Really wish I could go with you, but I can't.

Really?

Really. I'm really sorry.

Respectfully, Gordon.

Rest in peace.

Right here's our new manager...

Right spirit.

Right, Sean, let it out, man.

Right, sorry. It's just that he's always on my ass about getting a job.

Right.

Rolled right off his tongue.

Running with the devil

Running with the devil

Running with the devil

Running with the devil

Sal Bandini.

Sal Bandini. Want to wrestle?

Sal Bandini. You heard of him?

Sal, you all right? You all right, baby?

Sammartino, Blassie, Gorgeous George...

Sasha.

Scumbags and whores. Great. Thank you. You've been a lot of help.

Sean and I are helping Jimmy King reclaim his lost glory.

Sean wants Brittany's taco, with cheese all over it.

Sean, are you okay, man?

Sean, you think King's gonna put a hurting on Diamond Dallas Page?

Sean!

See you in hell.

See you, now. Bye bye.

See you!

See, he's got some fight left in him.

See, they're round and large.

She stole it.

Shit!

Show me one of your fancy moves.

Show me what you got, big boy.

Shut the door on your way out.

Shut up, Sean!

Sinclair set up King to make him lose face in front of his own family.

Sinclair wants to kill me. End my life.

Sinclair? So what? You're the King.

Sinclair.

Sinclair's pissed off, and he'll make an example out of you.

Sing the song for Mr. King! Come on.

Sir Isaac, you've served your king well.

Sit tight, King.

Smack him around like a toothless crack whore!

Smells like you poured it right from your butt. Sorry.

Smells like...

So how does head Nitro Girl sound?

So I'm dead and buried in the ground. Little tiny bugs feasting on my ass.

Son of a bitch!

Son?

Sorry about missing the state trooper's exam.

Sorry, guys. The fact is, I work alone.

Sorry, I had to make a call.

Sorry, man, I couldn't help it.

Sorry, man. I'll keep it down.

Sorry, Uncle Billy said they were good seats.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

State police, here I come.

Steel cage? Done! When?

Stifle!

Stifle.

Sting broke six bones in your neck with a bat.

Sting is helping Jimmy King! Can you believe this?

Stop it!

Stop!

Sucker emcees just call me sire

Superior athletes...

Sweetie, I don't think King needs any other wrestlers.

Tag me! Tag me!

Take me to the bedroom.

Taking you up on your offer to get one good swing at Titus Sinclair.

Tap out, punk. I seen you favor that leg.

Tap out, son.

Tap out.

Tell him I hope his diddly turns black and falls in the crapper.

Terrifying.

Thank you for getting me two boxes of beer.

Thank you, Sean.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. You're looking good.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That rocks hard, man.

That was a snap mare.

That was quite a thrill. How you...?

That was Sasha. Perhaps the Nitro est Nitro Girl of them all.

That was unsanctioned!

That will stop anything, including the diamond cutter, I'll tell you.

That'll be $1.26.

That's a 211, breaking and entering.

That's all I've got to remember him by.

That's awful.

That's cool, you know?

That's Gordie Boggs, a.k.a. The Law!

That's great. See you guys later.

That's gross, Mrs. MacKenzie.

That's her.

That's him.

That's it! That's it!

That's just not good enough, now, is it, you little boob?

That's my hand. It's broken now.

That's nice, Gabby.

That's sweet, man. What a bum.

That's what I'm gonna do.

That's what we're talking about. You'll get as many swings as you want.

That's where the action is.

That's your spotlight fading.

The audience liked it.

The badge'll be waiting!

The bell sounds and the battle is underway.

The challenger and champion are ready.

The change is coming!

The crazy old bastard was gonna kill me.

The further you get up, the tougher it is...

The King is a fake creation. I ain't a has been. I'm a never was.

The King of Rock is holding court tonight.