Dave (1993) Edit

A dirty business we're in, sometimes.

A lot of them are in shelters, but some of them are still out on the street.

A million visitors go through the White House every year...

A teleprompter.

After lingering in a coma for almost five months...

Agriculture?

Alan has worked out a sort of training program.

Alan, we still gotta control this guy.

Alan.

All right.

All right. All right. Here's something right here.

All you have to say is, "Thanks for doing this, Ellen."

America isn't what we say here tonight.

An America, prouder than the one we found."

An unrehearsed program presenting inside opinions and forecasts...

And by the way...

And everybody works on Monday.

And fell on my nose.

And he's just

And I can't think of a better way to ensure his legacy...

And I didn't live up to my part of the bargain.

And I suppose I know what you think of me personally.

And I think each one of you is entitled to the whole truth.

And if one person could start to feel that way, and then another person...

And if you can find a way to cut $650 million from the federal budget...

And it's not about the paycheck. It's about respect. It's about looking in the mirror...

And Lola's been in your office crying for almost an hour.

And look, there it is.

And no Boy Scout is gonna come in here and take it away from me...

And registration.

And the coloring....

And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet

And then at 0830, I want a complete briefing on the whole surf situation."

And then now to say this. This guy's out to lunch.

And then the big finale at, the Talent Club.

And this is Bob Alexander, our chief of staff.

And unlike his previous stroke, it has left the president fully incapacitated.

And we have work to do so we're not to be disturbed.

And when our poor president has another stroke...

And while we're on the subject...

And you're gonna get it to the hospital.

And your family?

And, could you arrange for dinner for two in the dining room?

And?

Another patriotic secretary?

Any questions?

Anyone would've done that.

Are you saying this is a conspiracy?

Are you sure this goes somewhere?

Are you threatening me?

Arnold, thank you so much.

As all of you know, my former chief of staff has implicated me in a scandal...

As I was saying, nobody expects you to be Bill Mitchell overnight.

As soon as she comes in, we'll move you out to the balcony.

As soon as we sat down...

Ask me how I did.

At 10:45 last night, President Mitchell, coming home from the Monroe Hotel...

At some point, we're gonna have to call the vice president.

Baby

Baby?

Back to the cottage.

Because I'm really not in the mood.

Because, hey, things aren't fine.

Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

Better to have a job than collecting a welfare check.

Bill Mitchell...

Bill stopped looking a long time ago.

Bob Alexander and eight other members of the Mitchell administration...

Bob Alexander has accused me of....

Bob just made all that up.

Bob.

Bob.

But as I began to investigate, I realized that this pattern of corruption...

But Dave, something has come up and I think we need to talk about it.

But don't put on this "man of the people" routine and then do something like this.

But I have an idea...

But I've always tried to respect the role you wanted me to play.

But that's not even the worst part.

But we don't know where to start. Maybe that's what it is.

But we make fun of the president. We knock the president. But it's a tough job.

But, Alan, this is wrong.

But, sir, we've tried to kill it.

But, you see, that's not the whole story.

Call Bob. Call Alan. Tell them I want to see them now.

Call me if there's a war.

Can I get you something to drink?

Can I keep this?

Can't get out of it.

Can't say.

Cancun?

Caring about his wife, spending time on her favorite issues.

Certainly, sir.

Clear the aisle. Clear the aisle.

Clears away the cobwebs. And the sorrow

Come here.

Come on, number six.

Come on, seven.

Course. Watch.

Cows, cows, calves, Metcalf.

Damn it, Bill.

Darling, they're waiting in the Press Room. I really think you ought to get in there.

Dave Kobic. Time for a change.

Dave, I can't hire anybody else. I can't.

Dave, I've been over this a bunch of times. It doesn't add up.

Dave, these things get awfully complicated sometimes, and I think you have to...

Dave.

Dave.

Dave.

Dave.

Dave. I'm Alan Reed, White House communications director.

Dave...

Depends.

Diane, could you come in here for a minute?

Diane.

Did you get the fund raising thing I sent you? Yeah, City Council.

Die, you pond scum.

Do I need to dial nine?

Do you ever....

Do you have the paperwork on Simpson Gardner?

Do you know why I don't want to?

Do you know?

Do you like magic?

Do you think you're a little paranoid?

Doctors report that he should be up and back to his normal schedule soon.

Does she look mad?

Doesn't look very good. They say it hit both sides of his brain.

Don't cry. Murray.

Don't get carried away. I'm not that good at it.

Don't touch anything on that desk.

Don't we, Bob?

Don't worry. We'll think of something.

Don't you have anything to say to me?

Don't you like playing games with the other kids?

Duane said he'd leave a car right over there.

Duane's guys, he's got them all under control.

Each one of these charges is absolutely true.

Ellen. Ellen!

Ellen. Ellen. Ellen.

Ever use it?

Every night my honey lamb and I

Everybody else is buying the "minor stroke" story.

Everybody together now. Everybody pay attention.

Everybody!

Everything's here.

Excuse me. Yeah, hold on. It's right here.

Excuse me. You can't stop here.

Excuse us.

Extend them.

Eyes.

False alarm. I'm fine. Everything's fine.

Fertility beads.

Fine.

Fine.

First cover of Time magazine and I need a shave.

First thing we'll go over is the mannerisms.

Five, carry the one...

For example...

Forty two presidents and their wives have lived in the White House.

Frankly, it's hard to recall the last time both houses of Congress...

From the nation's capital, The McLaughlin Group.

From today...

Get a doctor! Move it!

Get my, I want my ears checked. Would you do that?

Get out of here as fast as you can.

Go to hell, Bill.

Go, go, go.

God bless America!

God bless you! God bless America!

God bless you. Thank you.

Good boy!

Good luck.

Good morning, Bob. How are you?