Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993) Edit

A black sheriff?

A chastity belt?

A fight to the death...

A happy little bluebird.

A horse!

A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

A Jew? Here?

A present for you and your guests.

A reign of terror Took over the land

Absolutely.

Ahchoo is my son. Hes in England, your country.

All right, Broomhilde.

All right, everybody. Later, later.

All right, gentlemen, grab your feathered caps, shotguns...

All right, l promise you wont go.

All right, man. Peace, bro.

All right, steady on. Whats the matter?

All right...

Allow me.

Always on guard Defending the peoples rights

Always on guard Defending the peoples rights

Amen ay.

An archery contest?

And alive?

And all the way from Jersey.

And he didnt like it, so he cut out his tongue.

And he wants to see you hanged!

And if theres anything you require, please dont hesitate to scream.

And if we dont get no tolls, then we dont eat no rolls.

And Im in love

And in a little while He would be no more

And l say we fight back!

And l you, Marian of Bagelle.

And lll give it to you...

And my mother?

And sometimes right after lunch?

And this is an offence?

And whats that?

And which king might that be? King Richard? King Louis?

And who are you, sir?

And who might you be with the long feather in your hat?

And whom might you be?

And why not?

And why should the people listen to you?

And yet, somehow...

And you are?

And you want Robin rubbed out...

And youre so beautiful

And youre so glamourous

Any dream is permissible

Any questions?

Archers ready!

Archers, take your places!

Archers...

Are we...

Are you about...

Are you cold? What are you wearing underneath that cape?

Are you serious?

Are you sure?

Are you with me? Yea or nay?

Arrest him!

Arrest them! Seize them! Stop them!

At my age, you know, sometimes....

Back from the Crusades?

Bamboozled.

Be right out!

Beautiful lady

Because he went like this.

Because my enemy cut out his tongue.

Because unlike some other Robin Hoods...

Before you do it, you must go through it!

Bless you!

Bless you.

Bless you.

Blimey, these are hard to get on.

Blinkin, fix your boobs.

Blinkin, lm over here.

Blinkin!

Blinkin?

Blood of a hen.

Blow!

Boy, now lm in trouble.

Broomhilde, lm going on ahead. Catch me up!

Broomhilde, look!

Broomhilde! Broomhilde, wake up!

Brother Ahchoo is right.

Brother, you have surrounded your given name...

Bullshit! Bullshit!

But a toll is a toll...

But dont get us wrong Or else well put out your lights

But dont let my name fool you.

But first, l must warn you...

But he hit the very centre of the bulls eye!

But in return...

But my darling, youre shivering.

But only my body.

But please...

But this is sacramental wine.

But watch what you say Or else well put out your lights

But you do realize that Prince John commanded this to be a secret meeting?

But you grew some nice boobs!

Button up. Youll catch your death of cold.

Call a locksmith!

Call a locksmith!

Call a locksmith!

Call a locksmith!

Call the fire brigade!

Cant you get

Care for some dessert?

Careful, Robin! You go too far.

Cause Robin Hood was out of town I said Hey!

Charge!

Charge!

Charge!

Check it out!

Check please, table one.

Choked on the goldfish.

Churchim...

Come on, come on! Move it, move it!

Come on, lady.

Come on, man. There you go.

Come on, take my hand!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Well bless them all until we get fahsnickered!

Come over here. Go like this.

Come with me. lll show you something that will make you very happy.

Come, my dear.

Coming!

Consider this foreplay!

D E D...

Damn.

Dared to kill a kings deer.

Darling?

Dead.

Depends on what youre looking at.

Did you say, Abe Lincoln?

Dismount.

Do as l do.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Do you have any questions?

Do you...

Does Robin get another shot?

Dont follow.

Dont let them get away! Surround the hall!

Dont you understand? Luca is good, better, best.

Eat this.

Eaten by the cat.

England owes you and your men a great debt of gratitude. Henceforth...

England!

Enough!

Every time they make a Robin Hood movie, they burn our village down.

Every time.

Excuse me, bad guys. l am running out of air.

Excuse me, Don Giovanni...

Excuse me, king.

Eyeballs of a crocodile.

Fare thee well. lll see thee upon my return.

Farewell!

Farfelkugel!

Farfelkugel...

Feat of strength?

Fellas...

Fetch the royal robe!

Feygeles?

Feygeles?

Fighting with King Richard in the Crusades.

Fill them up!

Fire an arrow...

Fire!

Follow me.

For failure to pay taxes, all the lands and properties...

For l am a virgin...

For my first order of business, l wish to appoint...

Forgive the interruption, my darling.

Fox them!

From this day forth...

Funny!

Get it, sir?

Gladly.

Go back to Sherwood Forest!

Go on, take a look around.

Go tell your superiors before he changes his mind.

Go!

Go!

Good boy.

Good evening, Don Giovanni.

Good evening.

Good grief! Why?

Good morrow, abbot.

Good people, who have travelled from villages near and far...

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Good, good.

Good!

Good! Well join you!

Good.

Good.

Good. Tell them that. And tell them l vow to put an end to the injustice.

Goodbye, my dearest.

Goodbye, my little friend.

Goodness gracious!

Got it! Latrine!

Gotta get pumped.

Grab your uniforms and equipment and prepare for the training sequence.

Greetings, Your Highness.

Halt there, friend.

Hand over that boy.

Happy day!

He cant do it!

He gets another shot!

He got excited, you know. Come on.

He is in need of guidance. He is headstrong and cocksure.

He is the one

He said that inside is the key...

He split Robins arrow in twain!

He was poaching in the kings forest. He deered to kill a kings dare.

He was put into the slammer By his Arab foe

Hear me!

Hear, hear!

Hello, boys.

Hello, rabbi.

Hello! Hello!

Help me!

Help me!

Help me! Help me!

Help me! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Help! Help me!

Help! Me house is on fire! Me house is on fire!

Here among:::

Here we are.

Here.

Here.

Hes an exchange student.

Hes back from the Crusades.

Hes black?

Hes crazy! We gotta stop him!

Hes dead?

Hes deadly with his daggers.

Hes decided to save his own life by betraying his king.

Hes definitely a smoothie.

Hes fast, but l caught his ass.

Hes gonna deflower her in the tower!

Hes just sleeping, thats all. Charlie. Charlie!

Hes our head guard.

Hes taken our homes and everything we own. Weve nothing left.

Hey nonny nonny and a ho ho ho

Hey, Abbott!

Hey, Abbott!

Hey, Blinkin.

Hey, man.

Hey, put it there.

Hey, Robin, wait up.

Hey, thanks, man.

Hey, wait a minute. You said

Hey!

Hey!

Hold the reins, man.

Hold this, Father.

Home of my family for seven generations.

Home!

Home!

Hoodwinked!

How about half a one?

How can l stop him?

How dare you talk to me in that fashion! Who are you?

How did you do that?

How do you do?

How do you feel now?

How do you feel?

Hurry up, mein lady!

Hurry! Hurry!

I cannot wait

Into the swing of it?

It's good to be the king.

It’s not the size that counts! It’s how you use it!

Ive waited so patiently

Jaywalking.

Join me!

Joyful forevermore

Just in case you change your mind, my dear.

Keep it going!

Keep it going!

Kick!

Kill him!

Kill them!

King illegal forest...

King Kong?

King?

King?

Kiss me! Kiss me! Touch me!

Kneel, Robin of Loxley.

L accept.

L always forget about that.

L always wanted to marry a cop.

L am Rabbi Tuckman...

L am Robin of Loxley.

L am Robin of Loxley.

L believe this belongs to you, sir.

L can see!

L cant risk the lives of others. One can get in more easily than six.

L cant swim!

L changed me mind.

L could have been a contender. You know, Charlies got bad breath.

L could have been somebody.

L do.

L do.

L dont understand a word youre saying.

L dont wanna hear any bad news.

L forgot to tell you about my chastity belt. lts an Everlast.

L forgot, l already got one.

L get another shot!

L got bad advice from Rottingham.

L guess hes a transsexual now.

L guess theres a ladder around here somewhere.

L hate that guy.

L have a mole?

L have no objections, but l havent yet kissed the bride.

L havent quite figured that part out yet.

L heard that coming a mile away.

L hope against hope...

L hope her first child is a masculine child.

L hope its worth the noise!

L hope shes still wearing her iron underwear.

L hope someones getting the video of this.

L just got back from the dentist...

L just told them the good news, and...

L keep a likeness of him in my boudoir.

L knew her parents before they were taken in the plague...

L knew it was bad news!

L knew it!

L lost?

L lost.

L love to tease him.

L love you, Robin of Loxley.

L mean, dont you know?

L mean, who are these men?

L must be off.

L must say that Prince John has spared no expense for tonights party.

L must speak with you.

L now pronounce you man and

L now pronounce you man and...

L object!

L panicked.

L put it into this little hole here...

L say, not until you pay the toll.

L say, would you mind awfully getting out of the way?

L see.

L see.

L sent word that each village should send the very best men they have.

L shall dispose of this feathered upstart.

L shall have you, married or no!

L shall marry you.

L should have never worn these shoes.

L take my little machine.

L take your little thing. See?

L think now is not the time for introductions.

L thought it felt a bit drafty.

L touched it.

L vow on the sacred word of Loxley. l give you my undying pledge...

L want one.

L was angry at you before, Loxley...

L was just gonna say that.

L was that close.

L was wrong.

L was wrong.

L will conduct the opening prayer in the new Latin.

L will take these cotton balls from you with my hand...

L...

L....

Lady

Lady

Lady!

Later.

Later.

Latrine, where are you? l must talk with you!

Latrine!

Ld like you to look after him.

Leave us alone, Mel Brooks!

Let him go.

Let me introduce you to my best friend.

Let me introduce you to my friends. That is Blinkin...

Let me see.

Let me work magic on you.

Let us leave this depressing foundation.

Lets face it, youve got to be a man to wear tights.

Lets find out!

Lets get out of here!

Lets get out of this ladies clothing, get into our tights.

Lets give him the chop.

Lets go, boys! Take it out!

Lets go!

Lets hear it for the rabbi!

Lets see now. What are you, 1 6, 1 6 1 I2?

Lf l was that close to a horses wiener, ld worry about getting pissed on.

Lf we stand up to them all together as one, we can win the day!

Lf you let Robin live, lll do the most disgusting thing l can think of.

Listen to me. Theyve taken the castle!

Listen, lve got an idea.

Little bit more blood, yes.

Little John!

Lll be back.

Lll bet.

Lll dispatch your love...

Lll find Ahchoo.

Lll pay for this!

Lll take your word for it. Now, let me pass.

Lll tell every man that there is one who is not afraid...

Lm amazed to think that a handsome blade like the Sheriff of Rottingham...

Lm drowning! Oh, God, lm drowning!

Lm dying, you fool!

Lm game. Hows it done?

Lm going home!

Lm gonna need some privacy, so you guys can blow.

Lm not paying any toll.

Lm not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.

Lm on one side, see?

Lm on the other side.

Lm on the west bank.

Lm planning to make trouble for Prince John and Rottingham.

Lm so depressed.

Lm so happy.

Lm so sorry, but we cannot seat you without the proper attire. See?

Lm sorry about the toll thing, Robin.

Lm sorry we dont have enough time for romance, my dear.

Lm warning you, if you dont stop levying these taxes...

Lmpertinent English dog.

Ln real life...

Ln the years that weve been friends, England and Jersey...

Lndeed we are. Carry on.

Lntroduce folk dancing.

Look at this! We went from royalty to recycling.

Look at yourselves.

Look what youve done, you idiot!

Look...

Looks like a runaway white boy.

Looks like a Seder at Vincent Prices house.

Loxley has struck again.

Loxley is a traitor to the Crown!

Lrving.

Ls it not also illegal to sit in the kings throne...

Ls she ugly!

Ls there anything l can do for you?

Lt can hurl one of these heavy boulders undetected...

Lt is a custom and my royal right.

Lt is a very long journey from Africa to England, my friend.

Lt is illegal to kill wild pig in the kings forest!

Lt is l, Robin. We wish to get married...

Lt is not that critical.

Lt is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land!

Lt looks like Mark Twain.

Lt was very good of you to come at such short notice.

Lt wasnt my fault.

Lt will mean a big promotion for me!

Lt wont be easy getting out of here.

Lt worked in Blazing Saddles:

Ltll be so much fun to watch you hang!

Lts a good change.

Lts a good change.

Lts a pastry with stuffing. And its got sprinkles on it.

Lts been a wonderful party, and wed love to stay and all that...

Lts Blinkin, our familys loyal blind servant.

Lts fabulous.

Lts freezing!

Lts getting dark, and l got to go home alone now.

Lts good to be home, aint it, Master Robin?

Lts good.

Lts King Richard, back from the Crusades!

Lts not mein feet. l just washed them!

Lts Prince John.

Lts the latest rage. The ladies love it.

Lts very fascinating, but lm afraid lm going to have to hurt you.

Lts what weve named a Stealth Catapult.

Lts you.

Luca Pazzo still has a shot.

Lve been better.

Lve been in this place for a while. Perhaps l can be of service.

Lve changed my mind!

Lve changed my mind.

Lve got a headache.

Lve got the hots for him.

Lve got this magic pill...

Lve heard of you. They say youre handy with a sword.

Lve heard so much about you.

Lve just come from Maid Marian, the lady whose heart you stole.

Lve only just begun.

Maid Marian!

Maid Marian.

Maid Marian.

Maid Marian...

Make him part of the tour.

Man, white men cant jump.

Man!

Marian, do you vow to do all the stuff l just said to him?

Marian, Marian?

Marian, my lifes not worth it! Just say nay!

Married in a hurry! Please invite me to the bris.

Married in a hurry? Thats wonderful!

Master Robin, is that you?

Master Robin!

Maybe if we got him drunk.

Maybe if you tell me the bad news in a good way, it wont sound so bad.

Maybe...

Mein liebchen, lm so glad l found you.

Men like Prince John and Rottingham must be stopped!

Mervyn?

Mind the big rocks!

Mohel, hes a very important guy. He makes circumcisions.

Mohel? lve never heard of that profession.

Move it!

Move it! Come on, lets go!

Move it! Move it! Out of the way!

Mrs. of Loxley.

My back!

My brothers?

My cat?

My dog, Pongo?

My friend...

My full name is Will Scarlet OHara.

My goldfish, Goldie?

My name is Asneeze, father of Ahchoo.

My pleasure. Will!

Never have so many owed so much to so few.

Nice knowing you.

Nice shooting.

Nice shot!

No ding ding without the wedding ring.

No more?

No, l didnt say, Abe Lincoln. l said, Hey, Blinkin.

No, l think l ought to honour my fathers wishes.

No, no. Not a Jew. Ahchoo.

No, wait!

No, wait!

Noise? Noise?

Normally, l would be so happy to be of service to you...

Not blow.

Not the point. lts the principal of the thing.

Not to worry, Little John.

Now hes even more of a hero to the people.

Now is our chance.

Now pay attention. Have you got it?

Now that youre here with me, what we have is great strength of feet!

Now what type of news is it?

Now you may marry them.

Now youre talking!

Now, are you ready?

Now, Luca beats Robin at the archery contest and then...

Now, Luca beats Robin at the archery contest and then...

Now, men, the object of this exercise is to hit the target.

Now, men...

Now, on the count of kick.

Now, what about this Robin fellow?

Now...

Of course.

Oh, all right!

Oh, damn my eyes!

Oh, darling...

Oh, dear Lord...

Oh, except that.

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, good.

Oh, good. Theyve opened the salad bar.

Oh, how terrible!

Oh, if it twere you, twould be...

Oh, its good.

Oh, its...

Oh, lm so happy!

Oh, Marian...

Oh, my darling...

Oh, my dear, beloved Sheriff of Rottingham!

Oh, my dearest...

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, youre here!

Oh, my lizard!

Oh, ordl ay...

Oh, please have mercy on me, brother.

Oh, shit!

Oh, sorry.

Oh, when will I know him?

Oh, yes, Latrine.

Oh, yes. l respect that.

Oh, yes. Thats it.

Oh. Well done.

Okay, honkies. Time in!

Okay, where did we leave off? Oh, thats right.

On my left...

On my right, Dirty Ezio.

On the count of jump ! Wait for it....

On the count of three! One! Two! Three!

On the other hand...

One day, he who is destined for me...

One punishable by death. Where have you been?

One that would make him unable to perform the slightest task.

Open your heart

Or else l blew it.

Or ganool.

Or if a man pledged his endless love...

Or if he were really cute.

Or if l knew that he desperately cared for me.

Or is it the other way around?

Over that boy hand!

Parry, parry.

Patriot arrow?

Peanut power here! Poor mans lunch there!

Peanuts!

People of Sherwood, you been had!

Perfect.

Pissed off?

Please allow me to help you to your seat.

Please allow me to show you to your cell. Come.

Please come down from there.

Please go.

Please put it on my bill.

Please sit.

Please, its better you cooperate with him. Hes a tough guy.

Prepare for the fight scene.

Present swords!

Prince John and Rottingham have hired murderers to kill you at the fair.

Prince John and the Sheriff have hired men to kill Robin. We must warn him!

Prince John, l must speak with you!

Protect the forest.

Put a little ice on it. ltll be fine.

Put him in the Tower of London!

Put in a good word for me with the Sheriff of Rottingham.

Put your feet on the bar. Both feet.

Question

Quick, follow me! You get that chain, lll get this one.

Quick! Eliminate him before he shoots!

Rabbi, you seem to be on the side of good.

Raising the taxes Cause they needed the dough

Ravens egg.

Ready, men?

Ready...

Really?

Really? Hows about a demonstration?

Richards on his throne And Robins back in the hood

Right rope.

Right the wrongs. End the tyranny.

Right, right.

Right.

Right.

Right. Well go out the back.

Rise...

Rob, man, maybe we should take the dummies into battle.

Robin has another shot.

Robin of Loxley?

Robin of Loxley.

Robin of Loxley...

Robin wont be able to resist.

Robin, do you?

Robin, promise you wont go.

Robin, time to fly.

Robins in trouble! Shove off!

Rotty, Rotty, Rotty.

Rotty.

Rumours of your beauty have travelled far and wide.

Run amuck!

Run over by a carriage.

Safe journey!

Save me!

Save me!

Save me! Save me! Hurt them! Hurt them!

Save them, save them! Hurt you, hurt you! lve got it.

Say no more.

Say, l do ...

Scarlets my middle name.

Schmuck!

See? l couldnt have said it better myself.

Send word to one and all and all and one

She died of pneumonia whilst Oh, you were away.

Shell game here!

Sherwood Forest landed on us!

Shes beautiful!

Shocking!

Show him your archery medals.

Shut up, you bloody fools!

Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up. We didnt have our meeting yet.

Signed, Prince Johns Royal Accountant, H.M.R. Blockhead.

Sire.

Sire...

Sires and ladies, silence! Listen!

So its come down to this, has it?

So lets bid our friends a fine adieu And hope we meet again in Robin Hood 2

So thats the story And it worked out good

So until we meet again...

So youre Robin of Loxley, huh?

Something, you know?

Sorry, ladies, this is the royal entrance.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sounds like were winning, sir.

Speak, you dog.

Speak!

Stopped from taxing us into poverty! Stopped from taking what is ours!

Strucky has loxed again.

Such an unusual name, Latrine. How did your family come by it?

Suck what?

Surprisingly good.

Take a heavy rock. Put it where lm sitting. Then pull that lever.

Take it easy.

Take this message to the village as fast as you can.

Tell everybody that before the day is out, we shall have a wedding...

Testicles of a newt.

Thank you for saving me life, me lord.

Thank you, my friend.

Thank you, Robin.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Heres your knife.

That happy little bluebird has left a happy little doo doo on your hand.

That I love most of all?

That must be him.

Thats a wild boar!

Thats disgusting.

Thats going to chafe my willy.

Thats going to cost you, Loxley!

Thats good.

Thats him! Thats him!

Thats it. Keep it going!

Thats much better. Now, l leave you in the capable hands of Muktar.

Thats my name, man.

Thats not hard.

Thats redundant, isnt it?

Thats right!

Thats right!

Thats the idea!

The bad news in a good way, yes.

The bad news in a good way?

The breezes sing of it

The day began so good. l had a good nights sleep. l had a good b.m.

The little sod could be trouble.

The moon is high

The news of your great deeds has reached me even in Jerusalem.

The night is young

The night is young, and youre so beautiful.

The noise you heard was the breaking of this poor mans heart.

The old man is Loxley!

The old man may go first!

The people were unhappy Morale was low

The rest of you gentlemen...

The Royal Archery Contest is about to begin!

The scene is set

The Sheriff of Rottingham.

The Sheriff, he got your woman, man!

The two archers that hit the bulls eye can stay!

The weird creature in the tower. The one who predicts my future.

Their archer is unbeatable.