Zoolander Edit

A center for ants?

A finger jockey. We don't think the same as the face and body boys.

A little massage, some aromatherapy.

A shallow, dumb, vacuous moron.

A week? What, are you having a whack attack?

A what?

Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right?

Actually, I can't, Steve, because it's not yet perfected.

After Frankie gave him the heave ho, he held a series of odd jobs until...

Age before beauty, goat cheese.

Ah, there he is.

All right, forget it.

All right, guys. Last one to the helicopter's a rotten egg. Let's go!

All right, who's gonna call this sucker?

All the Zoolander men together again, like when we were kids.

Already considered a living saint...

Am I gonna find someone that beef headed?

Am I gonna find someone that beef headed?

And "incredibly chiseled features..."

And a head full of bad memories.

And a professional human being.

And all he had to do was turn left.

And an attitude that says, "Wiho cares? It's only fashion..."

And behind every hit, a card carrying male model.

And breathe deeply.

And couldn't some of this, maybe, be in your mind??'

And cut!

And end child labor once and for all...

And five syllables...

And former model agent Maury Ballstein.

And I felt like when you told me to "dere lick" my balls...

And I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me"...

And I hear Magnum is gonna blow us all away.

And I just...

And I plan on finding out what that is. Thank you.

And I trust you would like to live to see your spring line as well?

And I try to think about that every time I get in front of a camera...

And I want you to know I understand where you're coming from.

And I want you, Derek, to be the face...

And I will be a monkey's uncle if I have you ruin this for me!

And I'll heat it up in the microwave when I get home.

And I'm not your bra.

And I'm very complimented but not interested.

And if it indeed is what day you claim it is...

And incredibly self centered.

And it breaks my heart.

And it hurt.

And it's funny how it switches like that.

And left them clawing their faces for more...

And mine's kind ofwinding down or whatever.

And most important of all, models don't think for themselves.

And not the otherway around.

And now that you're retired, I can't have you.

And sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

And so do I. Let me show you mine.

And South America too...

And starring in that show, veteran supermodel Derek Zoolander...

And stunning features...

And that's when I found out I was in line to assassinate Jimmy Carter.

And that's who Derek Zoolander is defending his title against tonight...

And then there's Ferrari and Le Tigre.

And then you sort of laid low for a while...

And tutoring underprivileged retards or some shit.

And we need a place to hide until we figure this whole thing out.

And wear their hair in interesting ways.

And wetness is the essence of beauty...

And when he's finished, we'll dispose of him.

And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother...

And who couldn't turn left to save his ass.

And Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too...

And you're a super hot ninja machine!

And your "do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives"...

And?

And?

Any comment on Prime Minister Hassan's wage increases...

Anyway...

Apparently, the guy was the original guitar synth player...

Are you a ghost?

Are you challenging me to a walk off...

Are you guys insane? Do you understand? It's a disease.

Are you kidding? I shouldn't even be talking about it.

Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?

Are you serious? I just... I just told you that a moment ago.

Are you worried about Hansel?

As someone who gets his picture taken for a living?

As the newly elected prime minister has given this nation hope...

Because if you can't get the job done, then I will!

Because it gave people a chance to see a side of my versatility...

Because Mugatu's making you an offer you won 't believe...

Before Derek assassinates a world leader.

Before Derek kills the Malaysian prime minister.

Big rush...

Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre?

Boo lander?

Breathe deeply.

Bulimic.

But first, me and him gotta straighten some shit out.

But he won't budge.

But he's tougher to get to than the president.

But how do you feel about male models?

But I can tell you that it's called Magnum and...

But I got a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite.

But I mean it like the way black people use it...

But I think I'm doing okay.

But I won't do it. I won't kill anybody.

But I'd really like to continue talking about this conversation.

But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot...

But if this has been going on for so long, Mugatu...

But if this has been going on for so long, Mugatu...

But my new fall line is almost due.

But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted.

But the fact that he's making it, I respect that...

But they won't be looking for not us.

But this is Mugatu, Derek.

But today, the age old right of children to work is under attack...

But who do you think made the powdered wigs and leg stockings...

But why male models?

But you can help these children, Derek...

But you've represented every male model in each of his campaigns.

By killing the prime minister ofMalaysia...

Can I come with?

Can't you even pretend to be happy to see me, Pop?

Celebrities...

Come on, man! Come on!

Come on!

Come on. There's gotta be...

Come, let's get you loosened up.

Concentrate, Derelicte...

Cool story, Hansel.

Cool.

Cool.

Creating a tension which clogs the pores.

Damn it, Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional television actor.

Damn it, you're right.

Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes!

Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes!

Day. D A I Y E. Okay?

Dear God.

Der ek Zoo lan der...

Derek and Matilda are hiding 'cause some dudes brainwashed Derek...

Derek has been brainwashed...

Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...

Derek said this would be the last place anyone would look for him.

Derek Zoolander just tried to kill the prime minister of Malaysia.

Derek Zoolander will be dead, and you'll be fine.

Derek Zoolander...

Derek, back on top, man.

Derek, get a grip!

Derek, get down!

Derek, I don't know what you're talking...

Derek, I don't think you're cut out for that kind of thing.

Derek, I just have a few more questions, if that's okay.

Derek, I'd like you to meet Katinka Ingabogovinana.

Derek, I'm...

Derek, my editor put that headline on it, okay?

Derek, that's not true.

Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Derek, you know Natani and Chloe.

Derek, you're the laughing stock of the entire fashion world.

Derelicte!

Did my pin get in the way of your ass?

Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life...

Did you press that apple thing?

Didn't you hear me, Maury? I just retired.

Die, you wage hiking scum!

Disqualified.

Do as you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime minister!

Do I know what I'm doing today? No...

Do I know what product I'm selling? No...

Do it then.

Do it, Hansel.

Do it, Hansel.

Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately...

Do me a favor. If anything happens to me, give this to Matilda.

Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities...

Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities...

Do us all a favor and get out of here.

Do what you've been trained to do, and kill the prime minister!

Do you mind?

Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you...

Doesn't anyone notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Don't ask questions.

Don't do this, Derek.

Don't you know I'm loco?

Don't you mean "good bye"?

Done it in a while, yeah.

Down with Mugatu!

Down!

Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything...

Earth to Brint. I'm not so sure you did...

Earth to Matilda. I was at a day spa.

Earth to Meekus. Duh, okay? I knew that.

Easy.

Enough already, Ballstein!

Enough! My head hurts!

Even if I did, why would I talk to you?

Every day after school, I would come home and...

Every major political assassination over the last 200 years.

Everything they need to know to learn to be a professional model...

Evian.

Excuse me, Hansel. I don't think there's an easy way to put this...

Excuse me, Mr. Mugatu. Mr. Mugatu, Matilda Jeffries.

Figure out who I am. See you around, Maury.

Fine.

First model walks, second model duplicates, then elaborates.

First obstacle.

For a thriving future in the new millennium...

For a thriving future in the new millennium...

For ages and ages. You've been around for a long time.

For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day.

For Christ's sake, it's a casserole, Sheila! It'll stay!

For Malaysian garment workers? No, he has no comment.

For serious.

For that band Frankie Goes to Hollywood, but he got kicked out...

Four years in a row couldn't happen.

Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week. It's impossible! I have a show!

From textile factories to iron smelts...

From that article that I read, it seems like...

From the Philippines to Bangladesh, in China and India...

Get closer, Jaco.

Get out!

Get this... he invented...

Give me a chance.

Give me a little pee pee. Come on, a couple of drops.

Give them a little lesson in base jumping.

Glad you could join us, Kmart.

Go back home? You're overreacting...

Go!

Good boy.

Good luck to you, Derek. I've always been a fan of Blue Steel.

Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass!

Good point.

Good, because I'm a hot little potato right now.

Good. I deserve to die if I can't beat Han suck ass in a walk off.

Got that right. How are you doing, Steven?

Guess what. He made his first look today.

Guys, what's happening? Did you find the files?

Ha! I'm taking you out!

Han sell out is about to have his Han sell ass...

Han Solo

Handed to him on a platter with french fried potatoes.

Hansel calling Matil. We have entry. Repeat.

Hansel.

Hansel. He's so hot right now.

Hansel...

Happy, happy...

Has extended the olive branch to Malaysian Prime Minister Hassan...

Have a bad habit of dying young in freak accidents.

Haven't you heard? I'm the new face of Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.

He called, Derek.

He can take a crap, wrap it in tin foil...

He changed his name when he went into the fashion business.

He has become this small country's greatest hope...

He is a fashion icon.

He just went running out of here. I couldn't stop him.

He knew his career was over, and he couldn't face it.

He recorded everything in case they ever turned on him.

He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude.

He went home... He's talking about going offto ponder...

He's a cool dude. He's trying to help you out.

He's a sweet simpleton who never hurt a fly.

He's almost too good looking.

He's feeling pressure from Pressman...

He's going for it.

He's got him wide open in the middle ofthe field...

He's got to be extremely dim witted.

He's just a punk ass errand boy...

He's looking for his all American John De Rosa, the wide receiver...

He's not here yet,Jacobim.

He's perfect, and you know it. Now make it happen.

He's ready.

He's so hot right now!

Hello? Derek,you hearing me?

Hello.

Here are the nominees for Male Model of the Year...

Here in Malaysia, there is an almost overwhelming sense of euphoria...

Here, at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good...

Hey there, Derek... My name is Lil' Kleatus...

Hey, bra.

Hey, Derek. You rule.

Hey, everybody! Listen up for a second.

Hey, guys, that show is in three hours.

Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign.

Hey, I don't want to sleep with you!

Hey, I got a wacky idea.

Hey, I just cut up a couple of canta loupe halves...

Hey, I just E mailed you all those searches...

Hey, Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too!

Hey, put that Hansel and Gretel line in your article.

Hey, Steve, how are you doing?

Hey, the results are in, amigo!

Hey, you want to hear some great news?

Hi, I'm former male supermodel Derek Zoolander.

His proposed wage increase could ruin all of us.

Hits Kevin Conley, the tight end down in there...

Holy moly.

How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read...

How could you have written those terrible things about me?

How do you feel, Derek?

How do you live?

How many "abo digitals" do you see modeling?

How'd that affect you with guys? Did they not want to get busy?

I am Derelicte!

I am really, really dirty...

I am vile spew...

I believe I might be of service.

I can "dere lick" my own balls, thank you very much.

I can do this, Tyson.

I can have that evidence here in 20 minutes.

I can't get over...

I can't help you, lady... I don't know nothing about Mugatu...

I can't stand Hansel!

I can't turn left.

I care desperately about what I do...

I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal...

I did.

I dig the bungee... For me, it'sjust the way I live my life...

I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense.

I don't care what it takes. Get him back..

I don't care what the date says.

I don't care what the traffic is like.

I don't even know what they... What do they look like?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe I felt a little threatened or something...

I don't know. People who need help.

I don't plan on starting now.

I don't want to be alone tonight.

I don't want to hang out, okay?

I freakin' worship you, man.

I got the results on the name check you asked for on Jacobim Mugatu.

I got two words foryou, sugar... Zip disk.

I got your back!

I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.

I guess so.

I hate Hansel! Hansel, Hansel! Everywhere I look! Hansel!

I have a pre runway party to attend, if you'll excuse me.

I have a vision.

I have an idea.

I have negotiated my butt off, Giorgio.

I have something really important to talk to you about.

I hear a lot of words like "beauty"and "handsomeness"...

I hear you,Jaco.

I heard some mad stories about this kid. He's too limber.

I hope you're finished touching your roots...

I invented it!

I invented the piano key necktie!

I just can't tell you how much this means to me...

I just couldn't...

I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid.

I just thought the way you handled losing that award to Hansel...

I just want to wish you good luck.

I knew it was a joke, Meekus. I just didn't get it right away.

I know it was you, Maury.

I know it was you...

I know that hand.

I know that hand.

I know, right? Riding in on that scooter like he's so cool.

I know. I turned left!

I live it on the edge, where I gotta be...

I love that kid. Dumb as a stump, but I love him.

I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke.

I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke.

I mean, look, lady, you can't just come barging into people's lofts...

I mean, maybe I could even have my own institute.

I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying.

I mean, they love that crap in Malaysia.

I mean, where in all of God's green goodness...

I mean, you've never hired me before, and I've been around...

I met when I was ice sailing in Finland.

I need it taken care of soon. I have people to answer to.

I need you to bring that Zip disk in the den down to the fashion show.

I never wanted anything from you.

I saw you this afternoon, dum dum.

I stings me like a fissure in my ass, but you're right.

I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit...

I think about Derek every time I design a collection.

I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop.

I think they're vain, stupid...

I think we should get naked.

I think we've found our solution, Ballstein.

I think you call that love, D Bone.

I thought maybe I could work the mines with you guys.

I thought someone was gonna be reading our "eugoogoly"

I used to do my own makeup styling and tailoring.

I want people to know how funny I can be.

I want to do something meaningful with my life, Maury...

I want you to relax...

I wanted to make a new life for myself.

I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree...

I was the fat kid in my class.

I was the one that all the pretty girls used to make fun of.

I was whack.

I was whack.

I was...

I wasn 't like every other kid, who dreams about being an astronaut...

I won't let you down. I promise.

I would like to take this oppor...

I'd like to announce my retirement from the male modeling profession.

I'd look at these women...

I'll download the files, and we'll take the information to the police...

I'll get it, ma'am.

I'll go on. Dallas, Texas, 1963.

I'll round up the troops here.

I'm "shvitzing" like a "shmedrik" with all these lights.

I'm afraid of the radiation.

I'm done,Jaco. I got a prostate the size of a honeydew...

I'm fine. I've done this a thousand times.

I'm going back home. I need to get in touch with my roots.

I'm gonna take these kids over to the George Washington Bridge...

I'm gonna take you to my apartment. You can stay there until I get back.

I'm just a kid who wants you to know the truth about child labor laws...

I'm not an ambi turner.

I'm not gonna sit here with both of you and discuss my sex life or...

I'm not sure. I have to get to Saint Adonis Cemetery.

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being good looking.

I'm so tired! No, Todd, not now!

I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure.

I'm sorry I was whack.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I know it came off kind of harsh.

I'm sorry. Please, go ahead. My mistake.

I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel. He's a male model.

I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who can't turn...

I'm working right now. This...

I've been in on it for 30 years.

I've been thinking a lot about that bulimia thing...

I've been trying to reach you for a week.

I've been trying to tell you you've been missing for a week.

I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts. I even sent him some pet oxen.

If I can create a basic disguise for us...

If I could just have a moment of your time, please, sir.

If I tell you anything else, this guy's gonna kill me.

If Malaysia goes, what is next?

If nobody has any objections...

If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us...

If they can't even fit inside the building?

If you go, they'll make you kill that Eurasian dude.

If you want answers, come to Saint Adonis Cemetery now...

In the computer.

In the winter '95 International Male catalog...

In your little blue suit and your spiky black hair... Kill!

Incredibly popular item at the time.

Inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants...

Instead of doing that, I'm gonna try to figure out a way into Maury's...

Into the eye sockets ofthe fashion world...

Is you consider me the best actor slash model...

It doesn't mean that we can't die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

It is a fashion, a way of life...

It pulls back the skin on your forehead...

It was an awkward phase.

It was in the fall 1973 Bulova watch catalog.

It was in the fall 1973 Bulova watch catalog.

It was like, whoa, look out!

It was so courageous.

It was. I was totally fine.

It would have to be the first time I went through the second grade.

It'll all be over soon.

It'll be your glorious comeback.

It's "Relax"!

It's a problem I had since I was a baby.

It's a walk off.

It's almost 7::00. I gotta go.

It's almost like the new afro for the white man, but it's beautiful.

It's almost like there's a light around him...

It's beautiful.

It's designed for deep, deep relaxation.

It's like he just appeared out of the blue.

It's like, "ex squeeze" me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?

It's Maury.

It's me.

It's not important.

It's not up to you. At the proper moment, they'll triggeryou.

It's not very well ventilated down there.

It's nowhere near ready.

It's okay.

It's pretty weird. It seems like all of Mr. Mugatu's models...

It's so simple.

It's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity.

It's that damn Hansel!

It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection, and I got it at J.C. Penney.

It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul.

It's time to set things straight.

It's weird. I couldn't get any info on him before 1995.

It's when you throw up after every meal.

J ust do it al ready!

Jaco, I hearyou, but the kid's mixed up.

Jig's up, Mugatu. Everything they're saying is true.

Just a nice, warm, happy time...

Just falling... I'll never forget the terror.

Just give in to the power of the tea.

Just one minute of your time, please, sir!

Just relax...

Just remember, relax.

Just so long as you can make a name foryourself as a journalist...

Just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had.

Just unbelievable, skinny women.

Karate chop! Bad, man! Awful man!

Katinka, thought you might want to know...

Kennedy had just put a trade embargo on Cuba...

Kids as young as five could work as they pleased...

Kill naughty man!

Le Tigre's a lot softer. It's a bit more of a catalog look.

Lee Harvey Oswald was not a male model.

Let him speak for himself. Would you like to see the prime minister...

Let me show you...

Let this wonderful '80s classic soothe you...

Let's get back to the reason that we're really here.

Let's get this model on his way!

Let's go! Vagrants and whores, you're wanted in Makeup!

Let's go. Open up.

Let's keep moving.

Let's not lose our cool. Then we're no better than the machine.

Let's take a walk.

Like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly...

Like you didn't know it was a joke.

Listen to your friend Billy Zane.

Listen, 50 percent of my inventory is manufactured...

Listen, Matil.

Listen. It's not like we thinkwe're actually in a control tower...

Look out! She's got an egg!

Look out! Tushy squeeze!

Look, I gotta go pee...

Look, maybe you could do me a favor.

Look, without Derek Zoolander, male modeling wouldn't be what it is.

Lucky for you, there is no dress code.

Lucky for you, there is no dress code.

Made me want to be a model.

Made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.

Magnum!

Magnum? That's intriguing. Can I see that?

Making him the guest ofhonor at tonight's show...

Male modeling has had a shadow cast over it by one man...

Male models are genetically constructed to become assassins...

Man, that was close... I can't believe Maury's in on it too...

Martial arts good!

Mash your cymbals, chimpy! Dance, Derek, dance!

Matilda, we've got problems... Derek's already left for the show...

Matilda, what are you doing here?

Maury, you've handle every important male model for the last 30 years.

Maybe I was scared, man. You're Derek Zoolander!

Maybe next time.

Maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives.

Maybe you could do that for a career"

Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off of St. Barts...

Mer man.

Modeling, to me, isn 't just about being good looking...

Models help people. They make them feel good about themselves.

Moisture is the essence of wetness...

Mr. Mugatu! Mr. Mugatu!

Mugatu sucks! Support the prime minister!

Mugatu uses slave labor!

Mugatu wants you for his new campaign.

Mugatu!

Mugatu? If you knew anything...

Mugatu's a dick!

Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Sorry you didn't book it.

My entire panty line is made in Vietnam.

My mistake,Jacobim.

My prostate's flaring up like a frickin' tiki torch.

My sweet baby never did.

My sweet baby never did.

Nice comeback!

Ninety two minus sixty three.

No matter how many friends you lose...

No matter how many friends you lose...

No way. We got 30 years of files right here in this computer!

No, it's just right. Trust me.

No, not Derek.

No, you rock. When are you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?

No! Derek. Der, wait.

No. No, he can't. We don't even know what the tri gger is.

No... Wie're sending you to a very exclusive day spa...

Nobody can touch Derek. Nobody! I gotta get inside.

None of them ever made it past 30.

Not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.

Not now, Matilda.

Not one little bit.

Not the right time. I need to figure out this trigger...

Not yet. Gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.

Nothing to worry about at all...

Nothing. I've just been up for a few days...

Now to the important stuff.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an after funeral party to attend.

Now, once you get the info, I want you to E mail it to my office.

Now, this'll be a straight walk off, old school rules.

Obey my dog!

Of every pair of underwear sold.

Offering you ten million plus three percent...

Ofthe wretched masses...

Oh, believe me, they'll know. It hits newsstands tomorrow.

Oh, Derek, you did it! That was amazing!

Oh, hey, Ennui, will you do me a favor?

Oh, hi, Katinka.

Oh, I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them.

Oh, I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, my God! Let go of me!

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Oh, right. Cool.

Oh, this is this fantastic band, the Little Kings...

Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it.

Oh, yeah? Listen and learn, sweetness.

Oh, yeah. That's a walk off challenge, my friend.

Okay, all right, we need a place to hide.

Okay, all right, we need a place to hide.

Okay, boys, let's go to work.

Okay, if you just want to fool around a little bit...

Okay, that's impossible.

Okay, what's a while? Like, eight days?

On sale.

On sale.

On the male models who've appeared in Mugatu campaigns.

Once upon a time. But things change.

One look?

One look? I don't think so!

Ooh, you mean, like, like you, like you...

Or cookie dough.

Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a "eugoogoly" was?

Or get out of my building like now!

Or having a lot of fun and being really, really good looking...

Or lack thereof.

Or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way...

Or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?

Orange mocha frappuccino!

Ostensibly halting the shipment of Cuban manufactured slacks.

Our diverse faculty includes business management teacher...

Our little secret, okay?

Out of power so you can continue exploiting cheap Malaysian workers?

Pacheco back to pass...

People!

Perhaps you'd rather go back to turning out novelty neckties.

Playskool, baby.

Please don't change the subject, Mr. Ballstein.

Please. I need... Katinka!

Please. Some male models go left at the end of a runway...

Pop, wait, please!

Popping and locking, fool!

Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out?

Prime minister ofMalaysia bad!

Promising to raise the substandard minimum wage...

Proud owner of Blue Steel, the look that made him the legend he now is...

Put a cork in it, Zane!

Put a couple of fishhooks on it...

Read your little Time magazine, or whatever it's called.

Really, really, ridiculously good looking?

Really?

Relax? The last thing I need to do right now is rela...

Richard Gere's a real hero of mine... Sting...

Right now, this guy is so hot...

Right.

Right.

Roger.

Runaways and street hustlers, you're next!

Scrappy, Luke...

Screw him! Hold out for more!

See, this is exactly what you models do to people.

Seriously. Do you service yourself ten times a day?

Shame on you how you picked on Derek Zoolander in that story.

She'll be your day to day on the campaign.

Sheila, honey, it's me. Listen.

Shut up!

Shut, baby, shut!

Simpleton who can be manipulated and molded like Jell O.

Sit down!

So I am just gonna lay it out.

So I became...

So I'm repelling down Mount Vesuvius...

So long as you can make a name foryourself as a journalist...

So must you become Derelicte!

So put it in one of those Tupperware containers...

So the powers that be hired John Wilkes Booth...

So today, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity...

So welcome to chez Hansel.

So what time is it?

So what?

So what? I throw up after lots of meals.

So you want me to sleep in the gutter?

So, do you spend a lot of time working on these looks...

So, um...

Sojoin now, because at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids...

Something has got to be done.

Sorry, lady. Not interested.

Sounds cool.

State.

Stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander.

Sting would be another person who 's a hero...

Sure, I mean, just for touch ups or whatever.

Sure. I've been working on Magnum for at least eight or nine years.

Surprise!

Sweet.

Take the goddamn service road and get off before the bridge.

Talk to me in 30 years.

Tell me something good.

Ten minutes. Old Members Only warehouse.

Than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it!

Than just being really, really, really good looking.

Thank God I wore underweartoday...

Thank you, Derek Zoolander, for saving my life.

Thanks for the freak fest last night"?

Thanks to this homemade hyperbaric chamber...

Thanks, Billy. You rock.

Thanks, Olaf.

Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that.

Thanks, Rico. I'll try.

That Blue Steel look he does... Oh, my Gosh, the style and the hair...

That Hansel's so hot right now.

That I try to steer clear of...

That is a bit above average.

That my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse...

That really hurt.

That she male Katinka's not messing around...

That was last Friday.

That would be my main deterrent in considering a relationship.

That would be my main deterrent in considering a relationship.

That'll do. Early in my career...

That's a lie! Zoolander snapped because he's over the hill!

That's bullshit! Listen up, everyone.

That's impressive.

That's my kid.

That's my Sherpa, Lapsang.

That's my son.

That's not enough time. It takes months to train an operative.

That's what I'm talking about!

That's what I'm talking about!

That's why you have some light pattern dryness around your scalp.

The big show is in eight days, Derek...

The calender was great...

The center has to be at least...

The crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.

The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.

The designer's got your nuts in a vise...

The fashion industry has been behind...

The guy had to pull his underwear out of his butt just to beat you.

The guy's been a fashion designer ever since.

The image... nay, the spirit of Derelicte!

The Malaysian must be eliminated, Mugatu.

The Malaysian prime minister visits New York in 14 days.

The man has only one look, for Christ's sake!

The music that he's created... I don 't really listen to it...

The one they don't show you in magazines or the E Channel?

The original Greek word for model means "misshapen ball of clay..."

The original model/actor, to do Mr... Lincoln in...

The other day, I was thinking about volunteering...

The piano key necktie in 1 985.

The point is, we need an empty vessel...

The rookie sensation who has burned his way...

The trigger! It's "Re"...