A big new shipment of little babies
A cactus
About a week. OK
About how to become more attractive. The internet is poison
Alf, how exciting is this-! Your head could end
Alf, look at what you've won
Alf, the top of your head has gone to the top of our leaderboard
Alf, this is crazy, how do you feel
Alf, you're our new leader
Alf!
All our voices, and everything- Yes
And also pierce your baby's ears
And appeal to people
And guess what- I'm well, I'm doing good,
And I won't apologise for it. No, don't
And I'm a danger to a lot of people
And I'm always here to hello and make your beauty
And if you look straightforward for me, please. OK
And it'll just, and it'll just record us- Yeah, it will
And then I'd have, like, women kind of floating like dark
And then we could look just like them
And there will be just so many people on their knees,
And this is King Henry VIII
And welcome to our vlog, Mums The Word. Mums The Word!
And you were just going to wrap that breast up in the parma
And you're going to thumb in a blob of cream cheese into the centre
Angels, and they will be singing..
Another quick look in there- Absolutely fine,
Apparently, it's pretty whiffy
Are you excited, Alf- How do you feel
At-home event for a mum, and that is girls night
Basically, I've had some itchiness in both of my eyes. OK
Be with me. Just come and be with me
Because at the end of the day, we're just a couple of mums
Bit tucked up there, aren't you
Blob, blob at the end of a willy. I know, it's nice
BOTH- Chuck it, yeah
BOTH- Let's find out
BOTH- Nails
BOTH- Would Sir like some ceramics
But could it be Britain's smelliest smell
But I'm using my index and fore, so I can get right
But they can be quite loud sometimes
But this absolutely stinks
But what would you leave me in your will
Can I help you
Can I please buy this cactus
Can I please get this cactus
CAR ALARM BLARES
Cheers. Cheers
Come in a little bit closer
Come on, then
Cool. Well, I'm just looking for a present for my sister,
Cos I'm definitely not going to need them where I'm going
Cos it'll be all my lovers just sobbing,
Cos they'll have never known love like the love they felt for me
Cos they'll just spend it straight away on drugs. Yeah
Cup and fidging spinning
Curling your hair, wax your pussy,
Darling. That little slut just sat there wide open
Describe yourself in, like, five words
Did you know that a flat white
Directly at me, please, straightforward
Do you know what we are going to do
Do you know what- I called Hubby the other day
Dreams come true
DRILLING AND BANGING
ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC SHE RAPS- # I gotta have you, boy
Ellie, this is what I'm saying, we are going to become more like
For a first-time succulent. Something more manageable
For all this. You're right. It's not
For the dress code. Wow. So it's quite dramatic
From a young lad about the top of his uncle's head
Get you some more bin bags, and guess what
God, I can't stop laughing. It's good
God, I feel alive after that, it's so good being creative,
Gosh, I'm just chuckling away here. Gosh, you are laughing a lot
Has Sir ever been with a succulent before?
Have I told you recently that I really got into reggae
HE PLAYS POP SONG This is reggae at its best
Hello there, good morning, my name is Flute
Hello, are you Mr Alf Sill
Hello, madam, how can I help- What you want, look like Princess Angel
Hello, welcome to internet nails
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Lemily and Cassandra here
Help. HELP!
Hi, I didn't realise this was here
HIGH-PITCHED TWITTERING ..like, religious noises
How are you this afternoon
How do you...- First place in Britain's smelliest smell!
How have you done it, man
How much does this cost
I am, I am so, I'm so sorry, I must have tripped
I can also fix..
I can't believe it. Are you OK- I feel sick
I can't believe it. I'm going to go in again
I don't know... How can you trust that it's actually going to work
I feel exposed. I feel sick
I feel like I just filmed a porno. Oh, darling. I feel raw
I get that maybe once a day
I guess I'd leave you my condoms,
I just can't stop laughing. You all right
I just filmed that whole thing with the kettle in that state
I know you can't smell this at home, you never can,
I put a bee on a lead. My favourite one is green
I think for my funeral, I'd probably have,
I think get them off cos their mine
I think you did
I want it to be a 10m x 10m grey slab, completely blank
I want to get on the bus. No, please! No. Please!
I'm collecting opticians in my eye
I'm coming
I'm getting right into the velvet of that chicken
I'm going to drive the Nissan round, OK
I'm going to go over here
I'm going to pop in, pop to the retail park,
I'm just going to dim the lights, and start with the left
I'm just going to... Wide for me, please
I'm pretty sure the devil only likes to have sex ra-a-aw dawg
I'm probably have to be buried in them now
I'm scared of my shop. I've done a drawing of my dad
I'm still a bit tucked up
I've actually got some CDs. No way. No, thank you. Absolutely not
I've been thinking a lot about my gravestone
I've done some drawings of some cactuses that Sir
I've never seen you laugh so much. I can't breathe. You OK
I've shamed my family. Oh, dear
I've told you, stop talking to me about your death
In our executive kitchen
Internet nails
Into the secrets of that breast
Is basically just a latte with less milk- You're joking. I know
Is highly appreciated
Is it, is everything OK
Isn't it- It really is. Cass, have you got any more bin bags
It's a brand-new TV
It's just like a whole old egg
It's just, like, dance mixed with tribal, yeah, exactly
It's like an egg. Are you all right
It's literally the only thing I can think about,
It's the only certainty I have in life
It's the only thing on my mind,
It's time for me to get this
Just one nail. Excellent choice
Kiss me
Kiss me here, just kiss me
Least one girls night penned in per day
Leave him. Why
Leave him. Why
Let's get in and give it a smell. Come on in
Let's get smelling. Let's get smelling
Let's see your prize. Come on, Greg. Bring it in
Like, I don't know, leather and lace theme
Listen, Ells, I found this amazing article online
Little girls. You know, the smallness of a woman
Living the dream
Look at the kettle lid. It is up, it is wide up
Look at this, Alf, look at what you've won
Look, you've gone mad, you've gone absolutely... The sexy baby, what is that- No!
Love
Love is such a source of anxiety
Max, that you might have a bit of a pongy head
Might like to spend some time with
Mr Sill, we've had a tip-off from your nephew,
Mums, it is so important to treat yourself. It is, yeah
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
MUSIC- Return To Innocence by Enigma
MUSIC- Return To Innocence by Enigma
My hubby loves anything with chicken. Mine, too, crazy
My hubby loves chicken,
My name is Donna, and I'm very happy to meet you
My name is Nikki
My name's Gluten
Naughty little babies
No
No, it's so easy, all we have to do is become more like sexy babies
No, no
No, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
No, that's, like, the worst type of person you can give money to,
No. If you just open up wide, I just, I'll get in the other eye
Not for this mess, it's not, sorry. Lemily. What
Nothing to worry about. I'm just going to have a quick..
Of course, but we are a paperless, cardless establishment
Oh, Alf, what have you done there
Oh, darlin', sorry, you're a little
Oh, darling, sorry, but you are, too
Oh, darling, sorry, sorry, but that's not enough bin bags
Oh, darling. Oh, God
Oh, God
Oh, God, I am. I am, but that's
Oh, gosh
Oh, here we go, go on, she's going to make me go now
Oh, my God, I love reggae. I know. It's just that type of music
Oh, no. What kind of a mother am I
Oh, oh!
Oh, shit, there's our bus!
Oh!
Oh... That is, that is quite a smelly smell
Oi! Leave him. Why
OK- OK. OK- OK
OK, a bit like..
OK, and I pre-slitted these,
OK, open up wide. Here I come
OK, so how can I help you today
OK, so, that's about time, isn't it
OK, that's easy. What do you want long lash,
Old TV remote
Ooh
Phwoar! Phwoar!
Please let us apologise for the mess, we've just received
Please, wash further
Please, you must take a seat and relax, also we can do
POP MUSIC PLAYS Life. Life
Princess
Pussy bitch
Right, I'm going to check both eyes out. OK
Sexy babies, and we're going to find endless amounts of love
Shake off your parma, get that nice and long,
Shall we pop in the Nissan- Yeah- Yeah
Shampoo. Oh, really
SHE GROANS
SHE SINGS- # I'm a sexy baby Want my daddy all night
Short lash, spider lash, or long nail, short nail,
So attention-seeking
So can I suggest that you have at
So I thought it was probably worth getting it checked out
So I'll just have a browse
So sorry. So sorry
So we've got some pre-prepped here, don't we- Yeah, we do
So you've got to search for your slit
So, I know you don't want to talk about it,
So, I'm going to use the pressure of the thumb,
So, it's just so hard for me
Sorry, but I will NOT apologise for it
Sorry, sir, what's that
Sorry, sorry, everyone. All right
Sorry. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. It is, isn't it
Specialising in cactuses and succulents
Surprise!
Take ten minutes clean your pussy up,
Take them on a city break
Tash
Tash- Tash
Tash, we don't need anyone
Thank you very much
That blob at the end of a willy
That's a smelly head, but does it beat Lisa from Crail's
That's about us, that's about us, let's wrap it up!
That's tough
The home of Passion Tropical Beauty
The master right here
The only celebrity people say I look like is Bob Geldof
There is such a strong smell coming from such a lovely head
There's nothing wrong with wanting to look just a little bit younger
These make fantastic gifts for mice
They are laying relationships 25-7, and all we have to do is,
THEY GIGGLE
THEY GROAN
They look like they're going on a fun run
They're sliding down. Look at them
They're very easy-going and don't require much care,
They're very good, but I need something more..
They're very special
Think about Ariana Grande, think about Selena Gomez,
This is a very complex little lady, I wouldn't recommend this
This is Jazz, and this is Pippa,
This one's completely full
This week we'll talk to you about the most important
This week, we find ourselves in Bali, because we've had a tip-off
To commit to anything that's not neon right now. Yeah, yeah
Tollhouse, short titty out on the town, girl!
Top drawer, darling, I'll come round
Up being Britain's smelliest smell
Very quickly, OK
Very small nail
Wait for us to get on the bus
We also can do phone cases, phone charge,
We are a ceramics shop
We are a mobile beauty warehouse located here
We are going to get you a new kettle
We are new, we are a pop-up
We are wrapping. Yeah, just..
We can't sell you something we don't stock
We don't sell that
We just adopted them from a Mehican desert
We sell pea-sized amounts of water
Well, how long has it been out for- About 20 minutes
Well, I got them completely stuck on my feet, so I'm thinking
Well, I've got a few house plants, but no...succulents
Well, the only 100% certainty I have is that I'm alive
What are we going to do with all this
What do you take- It's a secret
What do you think of these boots
What happens when you have kids... BOTH- You get big
What I like to do for my girls night is a chicken package. Yeah. OK
What I think- I think I know what you're going to say
What- What do men like
Where are these lovers coming from- Because you've never had a relationship
Where's the slit- There she is
WHISPERS- Be with me
Who are you raising money for- I love that. Yeah. I love that
Why
Why- Because I'm very long, incredibly efficient,
Wide, open wide
Woof! I've just gone in for a final time with this head, and you know
Wow!
Yeah, and how long have you felt like that for
Yeah, blob of cheese. I'm going to come round
Yeah, everything's fine. Do you mind if I just have
Yeah, good
Yeah, that is actually a common misconception about thumbing in,
Yeah, that's nice
Yeah. Do you know what, that is smut
Yeah. I feel like I've been ridden
Yeah. Oh, God, I am. You are, yeah
Yeah. Oh, my God, this guy, this is pure reggae!
Yes
Yes, please
Yes! Love it. Play those tunes! Ride the rhythm
Yes! You're alive. I feel incredible
Yes. I love this
Yes. Roll with me, roll with me
You are using your index and the middle, instead of the actual thumb
You just turn it on, darling. Do you- Yeah
You know, wear more pink, put some bows in our hair,
You...You're sitting... You just kissed me
You've got to have something written on your gravestone
..a motorway
# But be sexy, too... #
# Change my nappy, Daddy
# Change my nappy, Daddy
# Daddy You know the milk I like
# Goo-goo goo ga-ga, baby Goo-goo ga
# Goo-goo goo ga-ga, baby Goo-goo ga
# Goo-goo goo ga-ga, baby Goo-goo ga
# Goo-goo goo ga-ga, baby Goo-goo ga. #
# I gotta get your attention
# I'll be your sexy baby
# I'll be your sexy baby You'll be my baby dada
# I'll do what you want Wax all the hairs off my body
# I'll finish it off with a big bow and a nappy made into a thong
# I'll grow my hair really long Really long
# I'll make my body really small Really small
# I'm a sexy baby
# I'm feeling sexual So we should be sexual
# I'm not a kid, but I try and look 12, feeling really cute
# Just say you feel the way that I feel
# Just say you feel the way that I feel. #
# Make me happy, Pappy
# Make me happy, Pappy
# Me want your D in my V and me want it
# Sucking on a dummy But I'm naked, so it's all right
# There's only one thing I could do for you and that's act like a baby
# Too young to read and write
# Want it all night, all night
# When I brown myself
# When I dress my age You laugh and call me Granny
# When I mess myself
# When I poo myself
# When I poo myself
# When I poo myself
# You know how to do me right
# You'll be my baby dada
