Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) Soundboard Edit

A man does not refer to Pat Boone as a beautiful genius if things are all right.

A man with limp, damaged hair, but nevertheless a fireball.

A truck's bumper was this far from my nose.

Actually, what I am, sir,

Affirmative, sir. Good.

Again, we've got our friend from military intelligence.

Am I being fairly clear?

And don't say that the weather is the same all the time here,

And good evening sounds too depressing

And I'm not used to girls being that quiet unless they're medicated.

And many, many more, but we need to hear your requests.

And now an item of special note

And now direct from Crete,

And there's a man who's screaming out to be made fun of.

And they could power a small New Hampshire town

And we wish you good luck and success.

And what about Jimmy Wah's?

Anyway, there's this guy from the 1 st Battalion, 2nd I nfantry,

Arranging rakes by sizes for my mom in the garage.

Ask for the books by author, title and subject,

Baby.

Black man's going, It's just for the tip. That's all I need is the tip.

But if you toy with me,

But it doesn't mean we can't have a few laughs

But you are a maniac, and you'd better start changing your life.

By a ******* scientist in Switzerland, Dr. Feintush.

Call police, quick.

Carries with it penalties on the stiff side, if you know what I mean.

Carry on, Montesque. Carry on.

CRONAUER [ON RADIO]: This is AFVN, rocking you from the Delta to the DMZ.

CRONAUER: Any food on this street that doesn't give you diarrhoea?

CRONAUER: Merry Christmas. If you believe in Santa...

CRONAUER: Merry Christmas. McPHERSON: Bingo

CRONAUER: Ten, 15 miles?

CRONAUER: You can't just leave them. This boy's gone, soldier.

Didn't we meet last year at the Feinman bar mitzvah?

Dr. Heimlich Feintush

Due to a yearly mail rush at that time.

Eat.

Excuse me, girls. Hello, hello.

Fine.

First, our fashion report from Special Forces Sgt. Ernest Lee Sincere.

From England, today, Princess Margaret threw a shoe.

Funny is good.

GARLICK: Don't worry, it'll go great. This way, sir.

GARLICK: Give me your best shot. Lay something on me.

GARLICK: How far you think we've gone?

GARLICK: I'll take care of it pronto, sir. You could get in trouble for that.

GARLICK: Sir.

General likes easy listening. I have to inform you...

Got some songs going out right now to a couple of guys

He mean that as compliment.

Hey, hey.

Hey, I know it's not the morning, but that's my trademark

Hey, this has been Fiction and Fact from Marty Lee's almanac.

Hey!

Hold on a minute, sir.

How's it going up there? Adrian, it's not going exactly well.

I can't, it's still paddling.

I don't know. I'm just so happy.

I Left My Heart in San Francisco, of course, Moonlight in Vermont,

I like that. Makes me feel, uh, British or something.

I run the station according to strict guidelines set by military intelligence.

I think there's an incredible coincidence here.

I wanna introduce you to someone right now from my English class

I want you to play this.

I work for a living, airman.

I'm just so full of semen. I haven't gotten laid yet.

I'm the tallest hog in the trough around here.

I'm... She's getting away. Edward, get the jeep, get the jeep.

I've been looking forward to meeting you. Listen, could you do me a favour?

If someone is not telling the truth, you say that they are full of..

Is it me or is Jimmy light in the loafers?

Is your Armed Forces Radio Saigon assistant

It says so in the memo

It's going to be an exciting day of listening and learning,

It's too dangerous staying here.

Keep going! Keep going!

Let's go. Let's boogaloo till we puke

Let's play this backwards and see if it gets any better.

Lieutenant Steven Hauk is our immediate supervisor.

Listen, it's an actual event

Listen.

Look, up there. Pull.

MP 1: Get back.

My God, it's Mardi gras, and I'm on the main float.

My mother is dead.

My son, the shadow of your ass would weigh 20 pounds

My village not too far from here. You could come there for resting.

My whole life passed before my eyes, and it wasn't even interesting to me.

Never fail you. You guys mind if we make an unscheduled stop?

NIXON [ON TAPE]: By plane, by helicopter and also by automobile.

No, hot? No, it's fucking great

No, I'm actually hungry.

Not police action and coffee remarks.

Now is when I stop talking.

Oh, you got it. James, nice, shiny green suit.

Okay. It's blocked in by a truck.

Operates libraries at six locations in the Republic of Vietnam.

Patrick O'Ma... O'Malley.

People are depending on you.

Personal missing luggage...

Please be polite and to the point at all times.

Please, okay?

Pope actually found to be *******, Liberace is Anastasia,

See you.

Sergeant major.

SERGEANT: Get him out of here

SERGEANT: Left, left, left, right, left.

Shape of the blue.

Sir, I really don't think that you wanna use any of those records, sir

Sir, it wouldn't work, I don't think.

Sir, sir, reading the news is one thing,

Sir! Sir, I tell you, this is not safe!

Sir! Sir, we have to get some dignity here.

Sir? What about the show?

SLOAN: What we're gonna talk about today is shopping.

SOLDIER 6: Moe. GARLICK: Guess again.

SOLDIER 15: We love you, man.

Sometimes your face look like a fish in the Gulf of Thailand.

Speak your piece, Dick.

Stamp collections, pulling chickweed from my dad's dichondra plants

STUDENTS: Flip them the bird. A bird.

Thank you, Marty. Silky smooth sounds, get out of here

That about wraps it up for me, Marty Lee,

That's a joke, right? I get it.

The Armed Forces sincerely regrets any inconvenience

The card should be no larger than 4 by 5 inches

The Department of Defence wants final say.

The leaves, they fall upon the helmets, says yes to me.

The men all hate Hauk. They want Cronauer back.

The Vietnam conflict?

There is no such thing as only anymore. Not now, not in Saigon.

There she is

There. Whoa, jeez, it almost blew up in my face.

There's actually no rubber on these tyres.

They have pictures of him. If they find him, they will shoot him.

They're having a great...

They're not a leper, they're not gonna go:

Things just jump out at you.

This is not military issue, airman. What sort of uniform is that?

This news is not official, airman.

Time to take that big orange pill

To get your ass back on the air.

Try it

Tuan is also known as Phan Duc Tho.

TUAN: Come on. Okay.

Vee.

Walkin' in the Wind.

We are not firing you. The boys are depending on you

We are not going to escalate a whole war

We have to go to Washington to Weather Central to Walter Cronkite.

We have to have training. When I think you're ready, I'll try.

We still have a few minutes before your show begins, sir.

We're back. Here's the news.

We're going in circles. Stick with me, I don't wanna go around again.

We're here to help this country!

We've got our traffic report up there on the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

Welcome the silky smooth sound of Airman Adrian Cronauer.

Well, I had you there, babe, but then you lost me at the end

Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but turns out he won't come.

What is a lakai?

What, sir?

What's up?

When it's time to read the news, you just take it off these machines here.

Where am I gonna take requests? Where can you call from?

With nothing to say and no way to do it?

Write to the HSAS Library.

Yeah, now, then you say, Groovy, yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, I'm sure that wasn't Walter Cronkite.

You come out.

You could see how we live.

You don't think I can come up with something good?

You know, Walter Brennan from The Real McCoys, the TV show?

You're a very sick man. You know that, don't you?

You're in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history.

You're in Southeast Asia now, pal. You got your cushy little assignment.

You're under arrest, Cronauer.

Ba Muy Ba beer, best beer in Vietnam. Ba Muy Ba beer, only beer in Vietnam

Come on, come on. You like me because of my sister.

Cooked with...

Guy Monaco.

Guys, Tuan. Have a seat, man.

Hey, Tuan. How you doing?

I'm reading this. No, I can't let you do that.

Look at the new friend. A little too young for you

Mad at me, and he could Al Hirt me.

No effect on me.

Shut up. Okay

That's a deal. It's a deal?

the one and the only king of the airwaves, You're a dead man.

What'd he say? TUAN: He say you drink too much already.

Where you going to? Nha Trang.

Where's that? The noodles, remember?

You forget the girl. Oh, I'll let her say no.

You gotta tell me where your brother is. I don't know.

You wanna take the ball? No.

...when you get out of the Army?

[AS LAWRENCE WELK] Thank you for that lovely tune

[AS WALTER BRENNAN] Well, well, well, Luke. Well, well.

[BELL RINGS]

[BICYCLE BELL RINGING]

[CROWD CHEERS]

[EFFEMINATELY] I don't know.

[EFFEMINATELY] Thank you.

[EFFEMINATELY] They're ruby slippers.

[ENGINE GRINDS]

[ENGINE TURNING]

[ENGINE TURNING]

[GAME OF LOVE PLAYING ON RADIO]

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Frenchy... You know, I really shouldn't kid Frenchy,

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, that's it for me

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Let's play a little game.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, Frenchy.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Thank you. Is it true that you've actually...?

[IN VIETNAMESE ACCENT] Lock 'n' loll, baby. Lock 'n' loll.

[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY AS HELEN KELLER]

[NORMAL] Bob, what do you do? [SHOUTS] I'm in Artillery!

[NORMAL] We'll go to someone else for the weather.

[PLANE ENGINE ROARING]

[SCREAMS THEN SPEAKS GI BBERISH]

[SINGING AS ETHEL MERMAN] Oh, I've got a feeling

[SINGING IN DEEP VOICE] Oh he oh

[SINGING] Puff, the Magic Dragon Living by the tree

[SINGS WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD]

[SLOWLY] I heard that.

[SLOWLY] Well, once, yes, on myself. And it had no...

[SOLDIER] I'm in a phone booth out in the DMZ. I'm trying to call you right now.

[SONG PLAYING AT HALF SPEED]

[STATIC BLARING]

[TRUCK HORN HONKING]

[WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD PLAYING ON RADIO]