Close Enough (2020) - Season 1 Edit

A Are you... Oh!

A big Food Corps community garden project,

A Clooney vibe here?

A family bike! Emily!

A few quick questions before you go.

A glow stick, maybe?

A happy family like yours must have lots of visitors.

A hot date? What?

A literary agent said that he'd read "Future Viking 3030,"

A new bike! Cool!

A prepo what? [ Buzzer sounds ]

A quick brain scan told me that she was annoying.

A serving wrench, just like in "Cable Guy".

A ta dow done list. Where's my list?!

A toilet plugs into the sewer system,

A van with a dog's head?

A word from our sponsors.

A young thing.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G. D...

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaah! Ungh! Aaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaand this parent teacher meeting is done.

Aaah! [ Glass shatters ]

Aaah! Ugh!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! [ Crowd gasps ]

Aah! [ Gunshots ]

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Oh! Fly higher!

Aah! Ah, no, no.

Aah! Candice, be careful!

Aah! Creepy giant snail!

Aah! Do you know what this means?

Aah! I just wanted a Gotye parody!

Aah! Me daughter teacher?

Aah! My T zone!

Aah! Oh, geez!

Aah! Oh, my gosh. So, the robots enslaved you, too?

Aah! Stupid game!

Aah! Ugh!

Aah! Ugh!

Aah! Ugh!

Aah! Uh oh.

Aahh!

About Candice. About each other.

About the greatest widow maker of all Zeus!

About whether you care if I stay at this school or not.

Acquisition of child, and may cause anal leakage.

Across the street?

Act? I'm nice. I'm a nice guy.

Acting, better Ugh!

Actually, don't answer.

Actually, I need to get back to...

Actually, me name Tory.

Actually, no. I can't be in that early.

After keeping our security deposit.

After them!

Again, I'm not so into hiking.

Aggression is natural. You just got to get it out.

Agh!

Ah, Bridgette, I am so proud of

Ah, come on, man! Nerd?

Ah, cool.

Ah, do you make any references past 1998?

Ah, geez.

Ah, no matter, I'm password protected.

Ah, room parent stuff.

Ah, thank God.

Ah, yeah, that's the stuff.

Ah, you really get me, Dog Boy.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! A surprising love

Ah! Dude, is this milk?!

Ah! Dude, is this milk?!

Ah! Not sexy, not sexy!

Ah! Oh, sorry.

Ah! People make too big a deal about test scores.

Ah! That should be enough.

Ah.

Ah.

Ahh, it is so cram jammed.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh! Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!

Ahhh.

Ahhhh, the Calabasas Urology Center.

Ahhhh!

Ahhhhh! Please don't murder us!

Alex and Cameron: Especially because

Alex and I had better production value

Alex was taking up the whole living room.

Alex, what are you doing?

Alex, what we have is nice, but...

Alex: "Mother's End Home Of The Secret Nudist Temple

Alex: "The Joys of Almost Dying"?

Alex: Ahh! Thanks for introducing me to your friend.

Alex: But every time that boulder got to the top of the mountain,

Alex: I remember Blockbuster Video!

Alex: Look at these smartphone idiots.

Alex: Okay, so the circus was in town last week,

Alex: So, Icarus took the handmade wings

Alex: We saw a guy get killed tonight.

Alexi good character with much to live for.

All [ chanting ]: Hot and Hard! Hot and Hard!

All because you lost your spark.

All he cares about is his book and...

All he ever did was point at his watch angrily.

All I can say is that when we thought

All I could think about was that I'd never see you again.

All kids get sick. You just clean it up.

All levels are complete.

All right Candice, this guy right here is Teddy Ruxpin.

All right, Candice, you ready to go in?

All right, Candice. Choose wisely.

All righty then!

All righty then.

All thanks to Candice's mom.

All to ourselves.

All your sweet little asses.

All: Aah! [ Gasps ]

All: Bye, Dog Boy!

All: Nice!

All: Surpri Oh.

All: Ta da!

Almost as soft as the llama I met hiking Machu Picchu.

Alright, I'm just gonna go over here

Also, at home, my kids write on the walls with shit.

Also, for an extra $50, I can make a custom design!

Also, I let Mia drink beer.

Also, I've got a lot of credit card debt now,

Also, Medieval Times is not historically accurate.

Always happens...

Am I crazy, or do those kids look just like me?

Am I just drunk or is that the sounds of evil robot drones?

Am I right, buddy?

Amazing. I'm only feeding her superfoods.

America is so cool.

America's only respected comedy songwriter...

An at home cation.

An opportunity.

An orphan, what?

An unboxing video, Candice?

And a bucket of hummus.

And a kid! And a husband!

And a wormhole to another dimension?!

And after that, I sharpen a narwhal tusk,

And all we ask for in exchange

And as many shifts as you can give me.

And became heli rich.

And by the way...

And decides not to press charges,

And Delicious Little Sex Boy.

And do something for Candice.

And doing the 'do!

And each student will present their patches to the class

And even though you're retired,

And everyone'll think I'm just some dumb Josh!

And for me I stole this from UCLA before I got fired.

And get in the shell?

And give each other nicknames, like Nik Nak

And go!

And guess whose buttholes

And have them on my desk ASAP. Mini tuxes?

And he changed his class to Stunting Through History

And he hopes you find happiness.

And he literally shit all over it.

And he said, "Wait for it."

And he's totally a human boy.

And I Wait, get off from what?

And I am totally going to focus!

And I brought you some carnitas tacos.

And I can't find any plugs.

And I can't throw it away because I feel bad for it.

And I definitely know what those are.

And I do not want to go back to the dark ages.

And I don't throw that stuff around easily.

And I don't usually like being that harsh.

And I got myself something, too.

And I got steak shaped like sushi.

And I hate to say it, but there's nothing wrong with you.

And I love you like a half sister!

And I made a little deposit at Balls Fargo.

And I met some clowns who never back down from a bet.

And I met some clowns who never back down from a bet.

And I need another drink.

And I need my job back

And I need your help.

And I remember your need for approval from female randos!

And I shall dip them by mine self!

And I signed her up for a lesson.

And I think family gets in the way!

And I want to masturbate alone.

And I want to send it to him by the end of the day

And I was wondering if I could borrow that hat again?

And I will be there for you!

And I would have gotten away with it,

And I'd brag about it to my friends.

And I'm going to make a fortune off the backs of these hybrids.

And I'm in way over my head at the dinner,

And I'm not married anymore!

And I'm not saying it 'cause you're "Mexican,"

And I'm trying to be a different type of dad for Candice.

And I've not even been there.

And I've ruined everything for Emily and Bridgette.

And in return, you give me a free pass to...

And in return, you give me a free pass to...

And initial here acknowledging that you will shit your pants.

And it seems fun. Check out this swag.

And it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.

And it's all gonna happen tonight, right, Emily?

And it's amazing!

And it's humiliating.

And it's not derogatory! Aah!

And Josh is hanging out with some dog, so let's do this!

And Josh was so determined to be a responsible adult

And just jump on my parents' insurance.

And look at you, aging rapidly with every disgusting tip of it.

And mine doesn't get us anything.

And Mr. Num Num.

And now because you got an incorrect answer,

And now Candice will be an orphan,

And now we finally got you

And now we vacation with them in Cabo.

And occasionally sexting him forever.

And other dogs' buttholes.

And over there we have

And parents, so don't be late! [ Slurps ]

And raise money for new playground equipment.

And she thought she was gonna turn into a werewolf.

And so on.

And that's how I climbed Machu Picchu.

And that's okay. We've got new tastes.

And that's why adultery is my favorite reason

And that's why I think Best Picture might go to

And that's why I want you to be the face of Forever 23.

And that's why you can't help

And the best part is, you'll get out of the house

And the cycle of capitalism continues.

And the whole point was to spend more time with Can them.

And their kids are top of the class.

And then stumble into Brite Spot at dawn

And there is one last thing before I let you go,

And these are my friends Walleye, Tilapia,

And they can just murder me.

And they managed to get Candice off to school,

And they will be glorious.

And they're gonna have gross hot divorce sex.

And this dude is getting a TV installed on his yacht?

And this evil Goosh bag

And this is what you're gonna do with it?

And this little guy over here is your vas deferens.

And thought we could try it.

And Trish. Hi, nice to meet you, Emily.

And unless Bush Guy wakes up

And use the blood to summon the demon song god

And watch "The Great British Bake Off"!

And watch the hops 24/7.

And we all agreed to make Josh...

And we live with a divorced couple in a cramped apartment,

And we're gonna be stuck here with shitty jobs

And we're not even trying to make them look like hot dogs.

And we're not kids, and we're not British!

And we're only interested in that 23 life.

And we've never met our dad. He was just a sperm donor.

And weekends at my dad's.

And who is that guy that keeps calling you "hon"?

And why are we on La Z Boy chairs?

And why can't I go to it?

And why do I love this water?

And why does the girl call you "Mom"?

And won't stop bragging about Macho Pecho.

And write songs like we used to.

And yet you still chose to break our deal.

And you are!

And you know what else?

And you know what, don't call me Mom, call me Emily.

And you know what? Not interested!

And you think you're better than that!

And you... [Exhales sharply]

And you'd surprise me with stuff,

And you're all invited.

And you're kind of... an old thing.

And you're still having fun pranking people?

And your beard's gonna get all salt and pepper y!

And, "Is there a king of books? It should be you, my liege!"

And, by the way, I'm gonna need you to come in

And, frankly, rather cartoonish kind of meat thief, okay?

And, ignoring his father's sound advice,

And, yes, it's amazing! Whoo!

And...clap!

Announcer: Does your head hurt because your daughter

Announcer: Prepositions got you down?

Any use of the hat outside the garden

Anybody want to see me make a Brontosaurus?

Anybody?

Anyway, happy birthday, sweet pea!

Are all backed up.

Are going in the next batch?

Are legally binding.

Are they okay, Mommy?

Are you cheating on us with another family?

Are you drinking moonshine?

Are you gonna put in an offer?

Are you guys spelling "shit"?

Are you really going to turn me down for Suzie's of Maine?

Are you shitting me?

Are you sure?

Are you the two women that knocked this

Are you trying to make furries even sexier?

Artist! Dude, I love it!

As long as Candice is happy and doing well,

As long as we get to play Butterfly Barn!

As Professor Dorpen Borat.

At 6:00 tomorrow, Emily.

At a vasectomy clinic.

At his sweet beach condo.

At least I'm trying my best, unlike my dad.

At the Ottawa Conservatory of

Audiences are sick of CG talking animals.

Aw, come on.

Aw, damn it!

Aw, man.

Aw, sick!

Aw, that's great to hear.

Aw, they got the thread, too?

Aw, this one looks nice.

Aw! Come on, man.

Aw! He's sacrificing himself to save us.

Aw! I thought it was over you guys.

Aww, I can't believe

Aww!

Aww!

Aww.

Awwww!

Baby!

Babysitting doesn't exactly gel with my plan to get off tonight.

Back in the day, we used to worship this guy.

Bad dog! I know how to make you more obedient!

Bad news, bud.

Baxter Street.

Be right with ya, folks!

Be the rock ock ock.

Be the rock that your family can depend on!

Because Dr. Ferguson has us on an exclusive contract!

Because he thought you were hot.

Because I can't be out there

Because I'm sick of this double standard

Because my date is sewn to his ex

Because some of us ditch each other

Because that's when I knew you were safe.

Because they represent the normal life

Because they're boring.

Because they're boring.

Because when I skate it sounds like...

Been on run ever since.

Before the fundraiser tomorrow and break the news.

Before the old vasectomy,

Before you ask, yes, we have sex,

Besides, I was hoping you'd read it.

Best friends! Both: He's okay!

Better than a 10 and paper thin.

Better. We're forever 23.

Big day, Candice!

Billie gave Usher herpes.

Billy, my man, what's up?

Billy?!

Bird Josh, you came back!

Bird Josh!

Bitch.

BJ! Bird Josh.

Bob Jonesworth bombing Baxter Street.

Bob Jonesworth is my dad?

Bodacious!

Bone? Ooh, that is hot.

Bone.

Bone.

Bone.

Bone.

Boo! A club?

Boring.

Both: "The Glistening Scabbard."

Both: Aah!

BOTH: Bridgette? Emily?

Both: Dog boy!

Both: Eeeeeeeeeeh!

Both: Huh?

Both: Huh?

Both: Road trip! Mix CDs!

Both: Show us! Show us! Show us!

Both: Weird Al Yankovic!

Brainio to stay at your residence for charging.

Bridgette, I can't attach myself to someone

Bridgette, where were you?

Bridgette, you're the key to waking up Bush Guy.

Bridgette: This is a new song that we just wrote.

Bridgette: Watch out! [ Grunts ]

Bridgette: We've got the sex. We've got the drugs.

Bridgette: Where's Candice? She isn't in her room.

Bridgette!

Bridgette!

Bridgette?

Bridgette?

But after our very long conversations over text,

But at least my students are learning math.

But because I know you love being a mom.

But he couldn't handle it, and he quit.

But he is cute.

But how could I...

But I bet if we put our faces,

But I can't kill everyone by myself.

But I couldn't give it everything you could.

But I couldn't wait any longer to see you.

But I do remember.

But I found it insightful.

But I used a magic hat way too many times,

But I used a magic hat way too many times,

But I'll be there to guide you the whole way,

But I'm not going anywhere.

But I'm pretty sure your mom pronounces it

But I'm so excited!

But if Candice isn't able to participate,

But if we're reckless, it comes with a huge price.

But in this case, it true.

But is it okay if I just stay here?

But it certainly wasn't pretty.

But it kinda does and

But it won't feel like it

But just once a week, I like to imagine life

But just to hang out. I'm not some YouTube groupie.

But later, it's just you, me, and Grave Rollers!

But little does she know I'm immune to it.

But mainly we learned we never want to have kids.

But my small talk with children is real limited!

But not because I've been eavesdropping.

But now he's trying to out Skate Dad me, too?

But now they are super apart. No!

But now we can't pop and lock

But seeing a brother and sister together

But she play God, make human animal hybrids!

But the Japanese woman is beautiful.

But then uh oh! We have to jack up our prices!

But there's no harm in looking.

But they're really weird, right?

But wait. What about you saying you wanted to be free

But we can cut ourselves apart.

But we can't say stuff like that here.

But we should do a thing together.

But we'd have to be conjoined to do that.

But we're going to have some fun together.

But we've grown out of doing pranks.

But what about all the good parts of getting old?

But what about the fundraiser?

But when you do...

But when you're a mannequin,

But why?

But you know what doesn't suck?

But you know what? You got most of it

But you look so sexy when you're being a good parent.

But you ordered a flat screen.

But you probably miss one more than the other.

But you two have a bright future ahead of you.

But you're broken up? Very.

But you're man

But you're not? You can buy my game, right?

But you're our boy, Dorp.

But your wife probably made you, right?

But, hey, now you can see how awesome it is

But...dreams change.

By doing our taxes later?

By hacking Brainio and bypassing the commercials.

By the chaos at the apartment.

By watching a double feature of this and this.

Bye!

Bye! Have a great time!

Bye! That her! She must track van!

Calling me Mummy?

Can I help you, my lords?

Can I, uh, see some ID, my man?

Can we ask one thing before we give you the quilt?

Can we at least swim in the pool?

Can we go home and play?

Can you really make a quilt for us?

Can't have Candice be a genie without a lamp.

Can't wait!

Can't we just kill them?

Can't you baby sit for one night?

Candice and I changed his code

Candice doesn't want to do anything I liked as a kid.

Candice goes off to college.

Candice is fine.

Candice is right.

Candice isn't riding on the pony I got her!

Candice lost her mind.

Candice the Crusher is gonna try and set the world record.

Candice, what are you doing?

Candice, why don't you just unbox this one?

Candice, you have to stand up!

Candice, you want me to teach you how to skate?

Candice: Hey, Dad, did you order something from Brainio?

Candice!

Candice!

Candice!

Candice!

Candice! Are you okay?

Candice. Why do they call you "The Goosh"?

Candice's project needs to be done by tomorrow

Capitalism is the great oppressor!

Children are the future.

Children, please! I paid for this bus with my own money!

Chirp a, chirp a, chirp!

Classic Dave!

Cleaned up for the play date.

Click. How dare you?

Coast is clear, so this concludes our broadcast day.

Cold cases are my mahjong!

Come back!

Come on, Alex.

Come on, baby. Hold together.

Come on, bro!

Come on, Dog Boy.

Come on, dude, Medieval Times aversary.

Come on, Emily.

Come on, it's Crumpet Week!

Come on, Josh. I'm trying to spice up our love life.

Come on, man!

Come on, Ron. We're getting sewn together.

Come on! Let's focus!

Come on! Slam it down, bitch!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Give it a chance.

Come on. No!

Come to think of it, where is Mom?

Come with me. It's time for you to loosen up.

Comic Sans?

Coming up with those puns.

Congrats, bro, you qualify for our VIP room!

Congratulations, honey!

Consequences? You didn't say anything about that.

Consider Nomar for the hall of fame!

Consider this!

Consider this! [ Grunts ]

Consider your family! Consider your future!

Consuelo, wait! I need that fabric!

Cool.

Correct! What's going on?

Couldn't set up the camera in time.

Couldn't take me out, nothing can.

Crossfire refill pellets you ordered.

Crow's feet? I didn't have these this morning.

Curve the TV! I want it to look like IMAX.

D D Dude

D D Dude

D D Dudeman!

D D Dudeman!

Daaamn, you've got six million subscribers?

Dad, why did you take me to the Apple Store?

Dad!

Dad! Ramirez!

Dad's girlfriend is getting away!

Daddy doesn't like it too strong.

Daddy, can you teach me how to ollie like "The Goosh?"

Daddy, what's an ass knife?

Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy's not in the bathroom.

Damn it, I just took a picture!

Damn it! That was a very expensive door!

Damn it! Those teachers are good!

Damn it. Of course you can't get a good connection

Damn you, ham!

Dang, man, I'm sorry.

Dante: People are starving all over the world,

Daughter? [ Chuckles ]

Dave, Caitlin, I can't be a part of your family anymore.

Deejay: Let me hear you say Divorsay!

Dev! Mel! Whaddup?!

Did that do anything?

Did we just make the hastiest decision ever?

Did you hear that new Ween album?

Did you know the average baby goes through

Did you pack Mr. Bun Bun?

Did you really mean it when you said you'd be my wingman?

Dinner! Is it okay if I hang out over here with you guys?

Disgustingly sweet?

Ditched his whole curriculum for stunts.

Divorsay!

Do all dog boys feel this alone?

Do I really have to be alone with her?

Do that again.

Do you know how hugs work?

Do you mean that? No.

Do you mind watching Candice

Do you remember what the most common password is I taught you?

Do you still feel good about it?

Do you still feel that spark?

Do you think I rushed into this?

Do you think I'm useless, Randy?

Do you want it shaved clean

Do you work out?

Do you? What are you doing here?

Do you... Do you guys hear that?

Does anybody know where I can find thread?

Does anyone else hear that?

Does he always talk to you like that?

Does it hurt, though? The only thing that's hurting is my heart,

Does thou have a mug of ale for me and me mate?

Dog Boy got his degree online.

Dog Boy is my property.

Dog Boy isn't a that.

Dog boy loves Medieval Times,

Dog Boy need to find a hydrant with his name on it.

Dog Boy?

Dog Boy?

Dog!

Don't be embarrassed. Let them ca caw loud and proud!

Don't be scared. See? We're okay.

Don't call her that. Give it up, Nikki.

Don't even let their kids do their own projects.

Don't even think about helping me.

Don't forget to check out the guest house.

Don't go anywhere, my little birdie.

Don't like responding to questions when you watch TV?

Don't move. I'll be right there.

Don't stop. It's working!

Don't tell me how to be a working mom.

Don't tell The Goosh you're scared. Tell me.

Don't worry about it. I'll call my guy Dante.

Don't worry, kids. Dad's gonna protect you.

Don't you dare shut me out!

Don't you get it?

Don't!

Dorp!

Dorp! Man, don't do it.

Down, down, down, the red knight is going down!

Dr. Ferguson: And, you know, those little bundles of joy

Dr. Ferguson: Is a vasectomy right for you?

Dr. Ferguson: Mr. Singleton?

Dr. Ferguson: You better not be popping and/or locking in there!

Dr. Glandz mentioned some nonsense about stress,

Dried meats!

Dude thought he could cruise in here

Dude, did you just reference a movie from 1976?

Dude, it's our Medieval Times aversary.

Dude, Josh! It's me Keith Nash!

Dude, listen.

Dude, look up there.

Dude, that's awesome!

Dude, what's the point?

Dude!

Dude!

Dude! You were so close!

Dude?!

Dude's got a body like the jack of clubs

Dudes, come on!

Duh doy!

Dumbass white people.

During songwriting sessions?

Dying sounds.

Each other! I don't know.

Eeeeeeeeh!

Eeeeeeeeh!

Eeeeeeh!

Eeeeeeh!

Eeeeeh!

Eeeeeh!

Eh, and you did look past some of my baggage.

Eh, I'm not worried about it.

Eh, it's totally cool.

Eh, no more than usual.

Eh, she's okay.

Eh, technically, Sisyphus couldn't quit.

Eh, yeah.

Eh...gah!

Ehh?

Ehh?

Ehhh?

Eight years, Emily! Eight years!

Em, chill out. Read a magazine.

Emi...ly!

Emily and Josh are gonna go buy a castle and move out

Emily is being impossible. What?

Emily, I swear to God!

Emily, Joshua, I was so worried when you didn't show up.

Emily, meet the crew.

Emily, party in the hills!

Emily, we have to get the girls together again.

Emily, where are you?!

Emily: Dang, Josh. I can't believe they put a metal plate on your taint.

Emily: I can't believe you got us

Emily: Josh, Candice is dabbing! Remember that?

Emily: Yeah! They make the meal right in your mouth. Bye!

Emily!

Emily!

Emily!

Emily!

Emily!

Emily! Bridgette!

Emily! Emily!

Emily! Josh!

Emily! Josh! What the hell?

Emily! There you are.

Emily! What the hell?!

Emily?

Emily?

Emily's job gets us health insurance and stuff,

Engaaaaaaaged!

Enough pissing around. Time to make it final.

Enough with the nice guy act.

Escargot to hell.

Even...I...can't... help...it!

Event? What event?

Eventually grow up.

Every couple weeks?

Every great stunt ever performed

Every night we come to life and party! [ All cheer ]

Every school has at least one dad up to his neck

Everybody's gonna be there.

Everyone close your eyes and repeat after me.

Everything okay, Candice?

Everything okay?

Ew. Josh, you know I'm trying to get the house

Excellent! The more the merrier!

Explore our feelings.

Ezra, I need more shifts.

Factory tour's on Thursdays.

Feed me from your mouth to my mouth.

Feel the Fahrenheit.

Female voice: We're still in love.

Find out, before you stab a bitch.

Find the one that says "self destruct," sweetie.

Fine!

Fine.

First pour, though.

Five!