UnREAL - Season 2 Edit

A black and beautiful wifey.

A connection between you and Darius.

A different kind of conversation right about now.

A false sense of security

A little harder than that to impress me.

A lot of people.

A man who knows his game inside the pocket.

A mouth. Okay, grandma.

A quarterback of Darius' caliber

A trauma, all right?

A whole new universe.

Aah!

About all the pain you had growing up.

About any of this.

About making money for a living.

About something that is, um, not so easy to say.

About today with Chantal... everything.

About what?

About what? How to humiliate a person on TV?

Absolutely.

Absolutely. Please.

Actually, it's an Eco resort on its very own archipelago.

Actually, yes. We had an emergency.

After a day of heartbreak, of competition gone sour,

After last year, after Mary..

After the network sees the sizzle on today's episode?

After you blackmailed your way into a Healing Nook?

Ah.

Ah. Then let's play.

Alabama? Why would I be going to Alabama?

Alabama. Alabama, here I come.

All I want to do right now is crash.

All of it.

All of you guys are crazy!

All of you will take a long, hard look

All of you.

All right, doc, that's not gonna happen, okay?

All right, girls, back in your gowns.

All right, great, here you go.

All right, guys. Let's position up to get

All right, has anybody seen my messenger?

All right, I'm not... I'm fine.

All right, I'm so over you. I'm so over this shit!

All right, ladies, come on.

All right, ladies, let's go

All right, let's go tight on Darius.

All right, let's go, Dan. Come on.

All right, let's widen out and get the whole room, please.

All right, pink team, blue team,

All right, so just tighten up.

All right, so what's next?

All right, there you go.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Can you just tilt up the frame a bit?

All right. Come on. Let's do this.

All right. Here we go. Raising up.

All right. Let me know when you hear from him

All right. Pass me the mirror, sister.

All right. You're welcome.

All we know is that you pulled her off the wall

Alongside pro football princess Tiffany James.

Always happy to help a sister out.

Ambulance on its way right now.

An epidural?

And a one on one date with our suitor.

And all of this happened on your watch

And apparently she's got bruises up and down her arm,

And besides, we're kind of in our underwear again.

And boning 22 year olds

And burn it to the ground.

And certain people cover that up.

And Chet only knows one way, which is enormous.

And Chet only knows one way, which is enormous.

And continue to play pocket pool with your little balls?

And Darius is suiting up to play quarterback on both sides,

And Darius on camera tonight.

And destroy your life and ruin your career, you know what?

And essentially took it away.

And every mistake I made, he would...

And for a television show.

And for that, we need a villain.

And for the first time in your Ivy League, NPR,

And get the attention back on us. You feel me?

And give us a moment, please?

And go to bed early just like every single person

And Graham is the only dick in sight.

And haul you out of here in an ambulance right now.

And he says it's not worth the risk.

And he's going to get taken away,

And here on Everlasting, the efflorescing of nascent love

And I feel like we're getting manipulated

And I got it.

And I intend to collect.

And I was kind of hurt that you didn't pick me.

And I'm guessing you don't, either.

And I'm just not gonna be another silent woman,

And I'm not gonna be a part of it.

And I'm supposed to be taking advice from you?

And I've never seen you work out.

And if he does,

And if the show tanks,

And if they do not appreciate me then, screw them.

And if this reporter even thinks that there is a problem...

And in return?

And it is your fault.

And it turned into the crap that I hate.

And it's gonna make you look so good.

And it's... ooh!

And Jay said that I should just wait...

And kick back and watch the proceedings.

And kissed, like, two girls.

And lies about his injuries.

And London.

And Lucky Charms without the charms.

And make sure that he was okay.

And no guarantee it'll actually work.

And not a hint of romance in sight.

And not well.

And now I'm asking I if you will be my wife.

And now it is time for tonight's elimination ceremony.

And now we're gonna use the ambulance, okay?

And now we're stuck with him.

And now you think you can just do this all on your own.

And plus, plus, whoever brings him down first

And put you on a deal,

And Romeo says not to worry about it, and...

And said about y your dad.

And said you could develop whatever you wanted,

And tell Madison that she's got to prep her girl.

And that could be it.

And that disc could fissure and paralyze him.

And that is exactly what he has done here today.

And that lady tonight will need to say farewell.

And that, uh, he's just a baby.

And that's our story.

And that's what we're doing in this little love nest.

And that's why I want to put some money aside

And the beginning of something else

And the girls are gonna be like... Hello, ladies.

And the scars?

And the two of you together are terrifying.

And then bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, they run,

And then finishing over here at the climbing wall.

And then I lost it all in the blink of an eye.

And then I wanted new opportunities.

And then I will hand the show back to you.

And then I woke up in your arms.

And then just, like, throwing it out.

And then they grow up to stab you in the back.

And then we just pick a new suitor.

And then we work together as a team.

And there is John Booth.

And there's a reporter

And there's a reporter

And there's no way that you could be

And they asked for one teeny, tinesy little favor.

And they're all willing to fight for it.

And this is my daddy.

And this little guy here...

And told her that her dad was dead.

And we are all ready to riff... rip... ri..

And we're back on the air.

And what would you know about image?

And when I see him, I'm gonna rip off his balls,

And who does?

And who put that band around her head?

And will their romance survive?

And with everyone else here tonight

And you cannot make this show without me.

And you don't need anyone to protect you.

And you jumped on it like the rodent that you are,

And you're just going from award winning docs

And you're the expert, huh?

And your career is definitely over.

And your season is screwed.

And, uh, I'll do everything in my power

And, uh, I'll tell you, the episode is great.

And, uh, object: Do not win, okay?

And... and lock down that sportscasting deal.

Anything?

Anyways, I have a lot to do,

Apparently she's a big fan of this docuseries

Apparently, that is the story that Brandi likes to tell.

Are gonna save the world.

Are we doing this, Wasserman?

Are we talking a couple of hours, or...?

Are you changing your mind?

Are you having a stroke?

Are you kidding?

Are you okay, Darius?

Are you okay?

Are you ready to welcome this season's suitor, Darius Beck!

Are you seriously gonna pretend

Are you sure this is what that guy wants?

Are you sure?

As is you can call off your dog, okay?

As long as you bring Darius down into the dirt.

As much as I might have wanted you to.

As one lucky lady gets a chance to take Darius

As opposed to our ghetto ass families?

As producers, we decided why waste a day.

As the genius who's made the show for the last 14 seasons,

As the girl who went down on her fiancé

As they vie to win this obstacle course

As this victim, all right?

At least have the balls to own it.

At least I'm not some prissy librarian wannabe African

At the end of the rainbow,

At The Guggenheim this weekend.

At the Post Ranch Inn whenever I want it.

At this point, you'll be lucky if you still got a job.

Away from the girls?

Awful. But he's Gary's friend.

Aww.

Aww. That's so sad.

Balance, balance.

Battle thing, which you lost.

Be that guy.

Bea.

Became the cornerstone of a new network,

Because Everlasting is coming to collect.

Because he clearly gave a horrible pitch.

Because he's scared of his feelings.

Because I brought that episode. You know I did.

Because of all the excitement with the show.

Because our show was going down.

Because she's seriously gonna beat the crap out of me.

Because so far, you've run me into an epidural,

Because that's the show. That's the show.

Because the winning team

Because we need her back here for the elimination ceremony.

Because we're supposed to be helping this man's image,

Because you are an ignorant fame whore

Because you want the mean girls to braid your hair.

Because, uh, you're the showrunner, remember?

Believe me, I will.

Believing I'm the showrunner.

Besides, I'm not great company right now.

Beth Ann has a future Trump supporter

Beth Ann, it is time for us to bid you adieu.

Beth Ann, whose baby could it be?!

Beth Ann: [Crying] I'm so sorry.

Beth Ann: Sweet as pie. This is my brother, Carl.

Beth Ann.

Beth Ann...

Between you and me, we can make shows

Between you and me, we can make shows

Between you and me, we can make shows

Bitch, please.

Bitch, please.

Blow something up

Boo yah!

Boring. Next.

Both in the booth calling today's football game

Both of you.

Both: Mwah.

Boys, I'm sorry.

Brandi: I didn't mean to hurt her. You know that, right?

Brandi?

Brandi.

Brandi.

Bright side, anything's a step up

Bringing him down into the dirt, okay?

Brock has been to prison... and not just jail, prison.

Brock, get up! What are you doing?!

Brock, this baby is not yours!

Buff boys, giggly girls.

Built a future I could be proud of,

But as it is, I still need to clean up my image

But awful.

But Darius says he's gonna cut you

But he loved me and my mother so, so much.

But he's always had my back. Always has.

But I am his father, and I...

But I don't want you to see me like this.

But I have a real issue here, and you need to, uh...

But I haven't even had a chance to tell him what happened.

But I know how to frame a shot, Rach.

But I really think that it makes you kind of...

But I still get the credit, right?

But I thought, um...

But I will figure it out, all right?

But I'm all about that ATL.

But I'm gonna need you on board, like, 100%

But I'm meeting all these amazing women.

But I'm so happy that Chantal can be with us,

But I'm telling you, they would change your life.

But I'm the one bringing it to life.

But if you want to go ahead and blame me

But in this case, it actually is

But it's definitely gonna look like a porn shoot,

But it's definitely gonna look like a porn shoot,

But it's our word against his, and if he talks...

But legally, you're culpable.

But lying to my face like that?

But my doc says I need the pain.

But now that it's a little weirdo and dick for brains,

But now will have to do.

But outside the gates of this mansion, America,

But please don't cut me tonight.

But right now, it's a bit of a train wreck,

But seriously, come on.

But sometimes, love is about loss.

But that is the power of this show.

But the network doesn't care because all the network knows

But the stakes are high

But there is someone I want to thank,

But this kind of thing...

But today, with you,

But way hotter.

But we've cried wolf so many times,

But who cares about story, right?

But with them, it is extraordinary.

But you have my back, right?

But you know what?

But you know who doesn't win this thing?

But you'll always crack, Rachel.

But you're just gonna have to listen to my advice.

But your Twitter has blown up.

But, you know, I got to say...

But...

But... it took guts to stand up like you just did,

By a little vaginal fairy dust, huh?

Bye, Chet.

Bye.

Call the Emmys, baby,

Can I sit down?

Can I... Can I start over?

Can we talk for a second?

Can we talk for a second?

Can you even get through one day

Can you get out?

Can't believe you're still driving that thing.

Can't you tell by all my colorful Post it notes?

Car accident. I was driving.

Case closed. Call it a wrap.

Catfighting over who gets to ride with him to the hospital.

Central casting, baby.

Change of plans, folks.

Chantal has a concussion.

Chantal looked pretty good.

Chantal.

Chantal.

Chantal.

Check at the ATV track.

Check this out.

Chet just told me about Jeremy,

Chet ordered them when he was still in charge.

Chet Wilton?

Chet, first of all, my body is a commodity, okay?

Chet, what are you doing?

Chet, what the hell are you doing here?

Chet: Hey, director!

Chet: Okay, then they run on the ramp,

Chet: What, are you kidding me?

Chet: You know, I got to be honest with you. [Sighs]

Chet? But what the hell are you doing here?

Chet? What is it?

Chet. Honestly, we're done for today.

Chewing on her fingers like they're Twinkies,

Chin up. It's not that big of a deal.

Christ. I'll deal with him later.

Clankin' away.

Clearly you didn't vet him properly.

Coleman: And Brandi's mother?

Coleman: Hey, Rachel. Hey.

Coleman: Holy shit.

Coleman: Is that stuff about Quinn true?

Coleman: Kind of looks like our freak show

Coleman.

Coleman. Everybody.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here.

Come on in.

Come on, come on.

Come on, girl. Of course I came. I was worried about you.

Come on, let's go for the gusto

Come on, Vassar. Let's go get into some trouble

Come on, Wasserman. You're not coming.

Come on! Go, go, go!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Bring it. Yeah, what?

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Go ahead

Come on. Go feed somewhere else.

Come on. Huddle up, huddle up. Good

Come on. Sit yourself down.

Come on. There's a dozen of us and only one of him.

Come out here with the network together,

Come out! Come on!

Come out. Come out.

Come with me.

Congratulations, by the way.

Congratulations.

Copy that, boss.

Copy that.

Copy that.

Copy that.

Could affect his career.

Creating some sort of cracker town shit show

Cue our hostess with the mostest.

Cue the host.

Cue the ladies.

Cut. Cut!

Cynthia: Hello.

D, you don't get the surgery,

D, you good?

Damn, you clean up nice.

Damn. Back on the plantation.

Dan, can you please let me know when the messenger arrives?

Dan: Hometown dates pitch, take one.

Darius Beck!

Darius didn't take you home?

Darius is hurt.

Darius likes you.

Darius will be on it going to the hospital,

Darius, I didn't lie!

Darius, I didn't lie.

Darius, it's Rachel.

Darius, it's Rachel.

Darius, uh, isn't paying much attention to you.

Darius: Yeah. Come in.

Darius.

Darius.

Deep fry them, and forced him to eat them.

Definitely.

Designed The Guggenheim.

Dick.

Did someone hurt you?

Did you just feed that to her?

Did you kill him?

Did you pack your meds?

Did you see these things?

Did you see what he did to me?

Didn't say anything about confinement issues.

Disappointing you every day, Ruby.

Do we really have to do this right here?

Do you have an end game?

Do you have anyone that we could call?

Do you just want to, like, fill me in on it?

Do you know that there's a reporter on set?

Do you not trust me? And if you don't trust me, then... why?

Do you think that if his team couldn't catch it

Do you want this?

Do you?

Does that get you off... hitting women?

Dominique's pro basketball career

Don't let them take that away from you.

Don't lock me in here.

Don't lock me in. Please let me out!

Don't look at them right now. Look at me.

Don't sabotage it with this guy, Quinn.

Don't say backseat, okay? I don't do backseats.

Don't worry about it, man. Editing.

Don't worry about Quinn.

Don't worry about the background...

Don't you get that?

Don't you touch me!

Done.

Done.

Dramatic tension or something.

Drooling away the next 40 years of your life in some rehab joint.

Drunk Muslim, huh?

Dude, I'm not gonna put you in any kind of situation

Duh.

Easy, easy, easy.

Entertainment Weekly's here, by the way.

Especially after her injury today.

Especially not you, and, B, Quinn's not in charge.

Ever since Coleman's got here, everything's gone to hell.

Everlasting is about love.

Everlasting is about love.

Every guy wants to stick it into someone strong and fierce.

Every relationship is put to the real life test.

Every single day just because you speak your mind.

Every step of the way.

Every word, Quinn.

Everybody's gonna be talking about it.

Everyone here is crazy!

Everyone here knows

Everyone's being open now.

Exactly. Coleman's out.

Excuse me one second. I'm sorry.

Excuse me, ladies. Excuse me.

Excuse me?

Explosions on the left

Express what your feelings are right now.

Eyes a blazing, talking as if her words

Fantastic.

Fantastic. We had a great drive up.

Finally, you're back.

Find something better to do with your time. Let's go.

Fine, whatever.

Fine.

Fine. I'll charm her pain away.

Fire in the hole!

Firing my cousin, and some girl's daddy.

First team to score, remember,

Follow the drama! Go!

Football princess, hey? We got two sluts in the house.

For a man with no friends, that was an enormous bouquet.

For all your hard work yesterday.

For now, I think I want to lean into what Chet's doing.

For our first Everlasting powder puff football playoff.

For the first two decades of my life,

For what?

For your kid's college fund.

Found out about Romeo.

Four of our ladies have won keys to Darius' heart.

From craft service and take a look around the set?

From Entertainment Weekly on set today.

Fuck!

Funeral's tomorrow.

Gary said we'd know it when we see it.

Gary: Coleman Wasserman, come in here, please.

Gary: You've reached Gary. Leave a message.

Gary! Hi!

Gather up. I want to talk to you.

Genius...

Get a police report, and then we call HR.

Get control of your people, Quinn.

Get down on their level or be cool with their friends.

Get her out of here, guys. Come on.

Get off of me!

Get off of me! You guys are crazy!

Get out of here, Rachel!

Get out!

Get up! Get up there!

Get up. Come on, let's go.

Get yourself canceled! Put me out of my misery!

Gets a one on one date.

Gets that winning date with our prince.

Gets the coveted dinner date with our prince.

Gets to ride to the ER with Darius.

Getting you guys to do your best work.

Girls crying, sirens blaring,

Girls weeping, bedside vigils

Give me a break. Come on.

Give me a little good news.

Give me a little good news.

Give me damage and give me pain.

Give me rumors of a straight female athlete

Give me the rest of the day and let me run with it.

Give this man a beer, darling.

Given her sensitivity over her fiancé,

Go away!

Go away.

Go for Rachel.

Go get 'em, ladies. Good luck.

Go on.

Go on.

Go this way, ladies.

Go!

Go. Carry on.

Gold.

Good God, she's good.

Good luck digging yourself out of this one.

Good talk.

Good to see you, doc.

Good to see you, too, buddy.

Good.

Good.

Good. Because... I'm, like, really starting to feel

Goodbye, Brandi. We're done.

Goodbye, Brandi. We're done.

Goodbye.

Graham, I'm rewriting the playbook.

Graham: Welcome this season's suitor, Darius Beck!

Great, can you please just let me know the second it arrives?

Great.

Great.

Grew up in foster care, classic signs of abuse,

Growing in her uterus right now.

Guiding you, pushing you,

Guys, I was gonna be a doctor.

Guys! Somebody...

Guys.

Have you asked yourself why you care so much about that girl?

Have you considered working in politics?

Have you ever even put on a dress?

Have you ever even tried?

Have you popped that cleavage?

Hayley's history implies that she's likely

He called that reporter a bitch.

He can't even play a game of pickup basketball

He did?

He didn't. I fired him.

He doesn't know what he's talking about, okay?

He doesn't like cops.

He has so much pressure and expectation

He is a really nice guy.

He is in pain.

He is one beautiful woman.

He is the one in charge now.

He lives just two streets over.

He may be your last chance.

He needs the pain

He told me.

He used to make me cook for him.

He was a worthless father, and now he's dead.

He would never even look at me again.

He'll give you an epidural.

He'll look in your big brown eyes...

He's a messenger.

He's a professional football player.

He's asleep, Rachel. Like you should be.

He's black.

He's dead.

He's family, Darius.

He's football black.

He's gone now.

He's gone now.

He's gonna love you. I see it now.

He's gonna see that you are the total package

He's here! He's here!

He's here.

He's hurt. You're gonna wreck his career.

He's kind of on the fence.

He's lived here my whole life

He's made a career of keeping players in the game.

He's, like, the greatest guy ever.

Helicopter ride around a volcano?

Hell, I don't like what it's doing to me

Hello, everyone.

Hello, gorgeous.

Hello?

Hello? Powder puff football date.

Hello.

Hello. Hi. Guess what.

Help.

Her elbow to my nose... broken first!

Her job forces her to disassociate.

Her only mother.

Here we go again.

Here's how this works.

Here's what I need you to understand.

Hey

Hey, B cam, move into position near the back.

Hey, Brandi.

Hey, Brandi. I'm here to get you ready for the date.

Hey, Coleman, just so you know...

Hey, Cynthia. It's me.

Hey, Darius.

Hey, did you get the flowers? You didn't mention them.

Hey, everyone! How you doing?

Hey, Gary. It's Quinn.

Hey, guys. How are you? It's my kid.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey! Cameras off! Get that camera off!

Hey, if you don't want to tell your parents, then don't.

Hey, just, um...

Hey, kiddo. It's Chet.

Hey, look. Your ancestors suffered for years.

Hey, Quinn, did you know that Rachel...

Hey, Quinn.

Hey, so, we really want to get everyone out there.

Hey, there you are. [Chuckles]

Hey, uh, I know that you've been granted sole custody

Hey, watch your mouth, man.

Hey, what's going on with you?

Hey, whatever plan you've got going for yourself,

Hey, you.

Hey, you.

Hey, you. How you feeling?

Hey!

Hey! Hey! Nobody's calling the police.

Hey! Rach!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Are you all right?

Hey. Did you hear from your friend?

Hey. Hey, hey, hey!

Hey. Ooh.

Hey. Rachel, okay.

Hey. There you are.

Hey. Yeah.

Hey. Your body is not a commodity.

Hi, Darius!

Hi, Darius.

Hi, hello?

Hi, Quinn.

Hi.

Hi.

Hired an extras casting to come in and lie

Hit it out for the win,

Hmm

Hmm?

Hmm? Oh, that's my progeny.

Hmm? Rosa Parks.

Hmm.

Hmm. Maybe brush your teeth again.

Hmm. Miss AmeriNinja.

Hmm. Well, here's the dealio, boy chick.

Hmm. Well, you're gonna have to work

Ho!

Honestly, Graham, it's been brutal.

Honestly.

Honestly.

Honesty is probably the most important thing

Honesty is the most important thing to me.

Hope you like Southern cooking

Hot 22 year olds.

How am I supposed to turn that snore a thon into a TV show?

How could you do that? You hurt her.

How deeply vapid American culture is.

How do you feel about the Bahamas?

How do you feel tonight, Darius?

How do you give a lemon an orgasm?

How else was the doc gonna get in without her?

How ironic is that? [Chuckles]

How is she?

How long's Quinn been doing this?

How would he not fall in love with you?

How you doing?

How you feeling?

How?

How? By sleeping with the entire team?

How? How?

How'd it go with Darius?

How'd you get it that pink?

How's he gonna play in a suit?

How's our morning shaping up here?

How's your pain?

Huh? Huh?!

Huh? This is fantastic, right?

Hustle! Hustle!

I agree.

I am a police officer!

I am gonna paint them the friggin' Sistine Chapel, okay?

I am gonna produce girls myself.

I am hands on today, so I will be producing

I am not crazy.

I am so, so sorry

I am surrounded all day.

I am taking you out of here at the end of the season

I am totally fine.

I am your quarterback, and I want you to run my plays!

I am, too.

I am...

I asked for two tickets to LAX tonight.

I bet. I just, um...

I brought you Raisin Bran

I brought you Raisin Bran without the raisins

I came as soon as I could. I missed you so much.