Inside Job (2021) - Season 1 Edit

A baby and a briefcase? I want it all.

A bit much, yes.

A bodywash/shampoo/toothpaste. [gasps]

A complicated "Will they? Won't they?" thing going.

A couple hours ago, I was cowering under a desk,

A device that can control the moon.

A father should never miss his daughter's first sentencing.

A few years back, I made a bet with J.R.

A firm, nonsexual hug to transfer warmth.

A flag pin that un registers you to vote?

A fluke. I have calculated over 32,000 ass handing scenarios.

A giant box that will keep American greatness in

A good strategy,

A great night for America.

A gruff yet lovable teacher at the high school.

A Guantanamo for teenagers? I love it.

A guy who's as fake as his million dollar hair plugs.

A kid challenged me to a karate fight,

A living moon imum wage?

A lot of feelings.

A lot of tension in the room,

A man who doesn't have the balls to silence me. Literally.

A maze is just a building full of lies designed to make everyone miserable.

A nice gesture

A real shithead

A recent poll finds that Reagan Ridley looks incredible in that ponytail.

A Robe's most favorite beast.

A scumbag who should give me the livers that I need to survive,

A solo mission?

A tasty little quid pro quo.

A toast to blood!

A toast to the best group of coconspirators anyone could ask for.

A vole ate my father.

A wig? Fidget spinners?

About the grid.

Access key? Fuck. Uh…

According to my junior pocket encyclopedia,

According to my junior pocket encyclopedia,

Actually, as long as you're in this cell,

Actually, as of 12 p.m. today,

Actually, I tweaked your DNA in the womb, so it's more like 60/40.

Actually, they won't shut up

After a lifetime of kissing every ass up the ass ladder,

After J.R. refused to let the FDA approve your truth serum?

After leading me on with all those gadgets?

After this, we can go back to our normal lives.

After what just happened, you're lucky we don't launch war on humanity right now.

After years of being ridiculed for our beliefs,

Again, our heading is 140 degrees at 25 knots.

Again.

Agh! [cries]

Ah fuck!

Ah shit.

Ah, an emotional mission. Love it.

Ah, but I saw on the security log

Ah, good.

Ah, I love being right.

Ah, I remember my days at Yale.

Ah, I still can't believe we were able to buy a 1980s family home

Ah, I threw it in the trash for ya. It was based on bad science.

Ah, look at that thing.

Ah, okay, you caught me.

Ah, shit.

Ah, sweet screen time.

Ah, thank you.

Ah, the elderly truly are our link to history.

Ah, there she is.

Ah, Yale. I've gone from public streaker to public speaker.

Ah, yes, I've been expecting you.

Ah, you can make an abyss feel claustrophobic.

Ah, you remind me of when I had more hair and values.

Ah!

Ah! [grunts]

Ah! It's me. I'm on a jacket.

Ah! Not again!

Ah! Oh my God! Reagan, what are you doing in here?

Ah! Stupid thing. Go faster.

Ah! What is up, reptoids?

Ah.

Ain't she pretty?

Alan, it's J.R.

All because for some mysterious reason,

All clear. We intercepted the wedding invitation.

All done over here.

All friends do is hold people back.

All I remember is a gigantic sense of my own self worth.

All I wanted was a couple of days away from you.

All it took was months of constant near misses

All of humanity is flawed.

All our dopest moments together in your brain

All right, all right. I fucked up.

All right, Dad, let's do what no therapist has ever been able to,

All right, everyone, hand over your devices.

All right, Glenn,

All right, he bought the fake storm, boys, so he's not going anywhere.

All right, I'm all in.

All right, I'm your new history teacher, Mr. Dolphman.

All right, jibber jabber,

All right, just gotta limber up.

All right, let me out so we can raid the commune for parts.

All right, let's do some John Woo shit.

All right, let's do some John Woo shit.

All right, let's just get right into it.

All right, look, hot stuff, I know you and me have

All right, make it quick.

All right, next up, I made a list of awesome nicknames for everyone,

All right, rip her arms off and call it even. Thank you.

All right, that's pretty good.

All right, you ink stained desk jockeys, let's break some news.

All right. I mean, is this doing anything for you?

All right. I'll be here explaining Bitcoin to people on Reddit.

All rise for the reptilian anthem!

All the biggest dead celebrities escape the spotlight

All the details are right here in this book I wrote

All the hazardous products they can't sell anymore.

All this junk was important to you

All your jobs are safe! Everyone's still employed.

Allow me to put this into words you'll understand.

Almost there. Just a few more feet.

Also the '80s had the best TV show ever,

Always stay positive, even when things are negative,

Am I right?

Am I the only one who cares that the President is a robot?

Ambien's a great drug. Really clarifies some things.

America has been pushed around for too long.

An adult version of my daughter?

An alien.

Anchors up at 4 p.m., guys. Don't be late

And a cop told me that I had to sleep outside

And a creepily disguised voice in your future.

And a lust for money that borders on the sexual.

And all bets are off.

And all you brought are mind control Tic Tacs?

And almost destroy the Earth to win his approval.

And anyone in their right mind would just pay their taxes,

And anyone who tries to stop us will be considered an enemy.

And as far as we can tell, you have.

And as soon as I did,

And ass to ass.

And boom, sober Rand is back.

And cost us a fortune.

And create a big ol' shitstorm that rains down on me.

And dealing with a daughter with Asperger's

And didn't care about the fallout. But why?

And enjoy having blood pressure in the recommended range.

And every time I say anything, somebody rings a gong.

And filled with mole people, sea monsters, and that family from Land of the Lost.

And focus on work for once.

And for the love of God, comb your hair.

And foreign influence out.

And four other men that seem vaguely familiar.

And friend erased.

And genetically speaking, you're half as good as me, so…

And get married on Mars to NSYNC.

And get the fuck out of this office.

And get to level six,

And Glenn has had sex dreams about all of us.

And have him hunt down psychiatric help for you?

And have him hunt down psychiatric help for you?

And he did this to force all of us to be best buddies in prison forever!

And he doesn't mind wildly ambitious women?

And he said he liked how firm my handshake was.

And he was there too!

And he's a 92 year old man on roller skates.

And he's villainously horny.

And here's my little clone tumor.

And here's that pair of walkie talkie headgear.

And his head isn't covered by any car roof or anything.

And his salary is?

And how can I forget the guy who slept with my fucking wife?

And I am not going back to my last job doing PR for the Kims.

And I brought a list of demands

And I can't give the speech, because I spilled dip on my crotch,

And I cannot stand up!

And I couldn't think of any believable reasons why he shouldn't.

And I don't wanna make a big thing of it, but he called me Leroy twice

And I don't want to.

And I feel more attachment to this disposable fork than I do to you!

And I guess I can see how that turned out.

And I had my makeup team whip up a little youth serum for your skin.

And I have a whole box of inventions to prove it.

And I hear there's a girl.

And I hosted SNL five times,

And I know because it's basically all he talks about.

And I need new clothes due to an extremely impractical surgery.

And I resolved the Israeli Palestine conflict.

And I should know. I'm about to be one!

And I take Fridays and Saturdays every other month.

And I think I might get along with Brett after all.

And I volunteer to be security.

And I wanna make it up to you.

And I want you to be the next CEO.

And I was so traumatized that I repressed the memory for years!

And I was wondering if adult adoption is

And I would tell him that makes no sense,

And I'd like to hear your feedback, starting with the one and only J Money.

And I'll prove it.

And I'll take a little sugar with that, if you know what I mean.

And I'm afraid I don't have a real personality.

And I'm expecting at least a written warning

And I'm gonna ban groaning. No more group groaning.

And I'm letting her live because I haven't conceived

And I'm slashing our crop circle budget. No more artsy fartsy stuff.

And I'm tired of being the bitter ex.

And I've had Tom Cruise jump on my furniture.

And if a lizard asks you your favorite Hogwarts house, what do you say?

And if Daddy's little insurance policy gets off track by befriending some idiot,

And if he dies, the shares revert to his ex wife Tamiko.

And if I see one goddamn rewind fee…

And if you cross me, I'll tell Noel where you sleep.

And if you don't agree, you're a Mon

And in exchange, we prevent the world from doing anything about global warming

And in my line of work,

And instead of smartphones, filthy pay phones.

And into my latest invention.

And it answers a lot of lingering questions.

And it does not hold up.

And it might serve her well to stay in fourth grade

And it was delicious. [hisses]

And it was…

And it's not about what a Koosh is. It's what a Koosh means.

And it's not the one you think.

And it's the biggest thing to ever happen in this sleepy ass town.

And just killing people for fun.

And last weekend, I was at a barbecue with J.R.,

And lock my dad in a room downstairs.

And make sure you bring her.

And maybe not all my experiments are perfect.

And maybe you're right.

And Me Too was just the answer to, "Who else wants to go to Bennigan's?"

And more than that,

And never had a female roommate,

And no one would ever know. Oh, kidding! Kidding!

And not just a respected NBA player.

And nothing but the truth, so help me Godzilla 2000.

And now for our next solo entrant,

And now for the exchange of the ring.

And now I guess I'm broken forever.

And now I'm gonna have to find a new pool boy.

And now it's happening,

And now that we've gotten rid of the skull,

And now they wanna can me.

And now, a look back at the reptoids we lost this year.

And now, please give a warm welcome to Cognito Inc.

And now, so has the algorithm.

And nut punch!

And on behalf of Cognito Inc.,

And once a year, we get free tote bags.

And our lack of gravity

And phones that we never have to actually talk on.

And productivity has already gone up 200%.

And proud of it.

And Reagan has left me behind.

And Reagan…

And ride a robot bear through a shark tank.

And right in his prime.

And running point from the surveillance boat.

And scroll through Instagram Stories of people we hate?

And see if that does the trick?

And shape shifting lizard people.

And shares of the company to be CEO.

And she knows humanity's a pox. All you do is tweet hot takes

And shout "World Star" during street fighting videos.

And so I say to my dad,

And so is he.

And so that's the difference between a macaroon and a macaron.

And sold 56 million albums.

And soon, I will be running it.

And start a tasty little Airbnb side hustle.

And start thinking with your head

And strung them up like the cover of No Strings Attached.

And take this in the best way possible,

And that eye contact is overrated.

And that was my tote bag.

And that's Lamar.

And that's something they can never take away.

And that's why you've buried yourself in your work.

And the fake you was made by fake me,

And the fear flowed like wine.

And the moon was privately declared a hostile nation.

And the only one here who didn't turn on me.

And the only people who think you're cool are dads or people that didn't have dads.

And the only thing keeping us together is inertia,

And the Powerball is 12.

And the Second!

And the sequel, If I Didn't 2: New Moon.

And the Shadow Board is not happy.

And the song "Bad Blood" was about

And the thermostat is controlled entirely by me.

And the top score goes to Reagan Ridley.

And the White House is called the People's House,

And the word "Chinese" just meant "generally Asian."

And then boom, I'm here.

And then he'd put me into a headlock, get insanely high,

And then jump into a sensory deprivation tank, so no.

And then killed him when he tried to break up with you.

And then Tamiko says I never listen to her

And then there's normies like Orrin,

And then they had to go straight into a cover up.

And then?

And there's blood on my hands.

And there's something I've been meaning to share.

And they are political.

And they will love it here as much as you do.

And this is my lab, where everything is peaceful, efficient,

And this time I'll be first.

And this whole place goes to hell. I'm out of here.

And torture information out of someone.

And treat yourself to a bucket of raw shrimp?

And Tyrone once.

And unless you want the Robes to know you can't keep your house clean,

And wanted to see what space sex was like.

And we bought a boat to embark on the first ever flat Earth expedition.

And we can go back to normal?

And we can't have two Buzzes running around,

And we have finished this year's missions in record time.

And we need to go stop it before it destroys this whole building.

And we never open up like this at work. Right, Reagan?

And we're he hottest two people here, so…

And we've got you covered, up!

And who makes a point with a framed picture?

And why are you wearing a tuxedo?

And why would I do that?

And working her way towards white girl wasted.

And you all ignore me.

And you are not happy.

And you are the only one who is honest with me,

And you deserve better.

And you erased him!

And you have an accent.

And you want to ditch him?

And you'll be getting your double 0 status in no time.

And you're just jealous because my hot new GF's a perfect ten.

And you're never gonna get it!

And you're trying to make me the Monica to your Rachel.

And, Andre, I assume you're gonna be telling

And, Glenn, how powerful is that blowhole of yours?

And, Reagan, we're fraternal twins. I'll be the boy.

And, Reagan, whatever this problem is, fix it.

And, uh, a seltzer for him.

And, uh, he maybe kind of sort of thinks someone on the team is involved.

And, uh, if I told you, you'd have to die.

And, uh, where the hell are we?

And, well, I guess I was just too damn good at it.

And, you know, strangle anyone who crosses me, I guess.

Anderson Cooper? Taylor Swift?

Andre identifies as alwayssexual?

Andre, can you synthesize a chemical compound

Andre, Myc, shut the hell up, or I will castrate you.

Andre, now! Hurry!

Andre, this is your brain on drugs

Andre, you did my dolphin surgery.

Andre, you'll be a local Chinese restaurant owner.

Andre's originality.

Another must join our ranks.

Any questions?

Anybody here from a… a subterranean lair?

Anyhoo, every few years, we give them a fresh spritz

Anyone who calls me that goes to Guantanamo.

Anything for you, Moon Daddy.

Anyway, serve our guests.

Anyway, this is our biggest job yet, so get your shit together.

Apparently, this time the Americans will be the bad guys.

Are my brothers coming?

Are they milking him? Should we be watching this?

Are we really fighting over a boy?

Are you also being chased by a horde of rats?

Are you betting on my dating life?

Are you from the future?

Are you getting this down? 'Cause Gigi is on a roll, baby.

Are you interested in any other type of seaman?

Are you kidding? I was a work problem for years. Shoot.

Are you proud of me?

Are you really okay with Noel being the office hero?

Are you saying that I should… [scoffs]

Are you saying you want me to stay up here forever?

Are you sensing kind of a… vibe between these two?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you still looking for an island where you can hunt interns for sport?

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Are your children going to die?

Aren't you gonna tell me that I'm a deadbeat asshole

As a final training step,

As part of our divorce settlement.

As the first volunteer for the man dolphin super soldier project,

As the one person who didn't assault anyone,

As you can see, I've gone above and beyond.

As you recall, the candidate that we backed in the last election won

Ashley, a boy with a girl's name.

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask

Assassinations nowadays miss that human connection.

At least here I develop tech that could prevent war with Atlantis.

At the hands of the nefarious, uh,

At the Illuminati's annual booze cruise.

At the science fair.

At the United Nations vote on barley prices.

At this point, I just wish the guy would forget about me completely.

Attagirl, Reagan. Good talk.

Attempted global genocide?

Aw, Dad. Distant hug.

Aw, don't be so uptight.

Aw, Mom, it's not like that.

Aw, that's cute. I figured they would've fired you by now.

Aw, this stuff is making me nostalgic

Aw!

Awareness down, reactivity down,

Axe does more than just kills people. It smells great too.

Back in my day, the cameras never stopped rolling,

Back to the center of the Earth.

Ball! Give me the ball! [grunts]

Barb Shrike and Zarthax Griswold Walton of the Reptoid High Council

Be a dear and access the surveillance tapes.

Be sure to follow these dos and don'ts to avoid a diplomatic incident.

Be warned, this is a near suicide mission in space.

Bear o is supposed to make Reagan happy.

Bear o must've kidnapped NSYNC for Reagan

Bear o, dial up the dopamine levels by 15%.

Bear o, serve rappers first, royalty second

Bear o.

Bear o's the mole?

Bear to leave, right.

Beating lessons into kids is very socially acceptable these days.

Because a negative plus a positive is better than nothing.

Because all you ever do is hurt each other

Because he tore one in a sex swing accident

Because I believe I can still use his tech.

Because I feel emotionally gaslit by you guys, a lot.

Because I have a fulfilling career where I am doing really important things.

Because I have some very exciting news.

Because I need everyone to like me, and I freak out if they don't.

Because I'm her life's work,

Because I'm not really all that good with the mushy stuff.

Because I'm only focused on negativity, chaos, and revenge.

Because if we all die,

Because in America, the government works for you.

Because in the '80s everyone has a clique.

Because last week, when we made love, it was so tender…

Because our brains distort our memory of it.

Because right now, that glorified hugging machine

Because she is a good leader.

Because she's talking into your headset, Glenn.

Because they're the Prada of secret societies,

Because this is virtual insanity.

Because we're firing Grassy Noel!

Because you wanted a ride to Wetzel's Pretzels.

Because you were using a fake family to make up for your crappy one.

Because, of the two of us, you seemed like the responsible one.

Become a Supreme Court justice.

Before you embarrass me in front of

Behind here is a surveillance feed of the entire office.

Behold Project Gaslight.

Behold, the Productivitron.

Being super Italian.

Besides moral ones?

Besides, today, I am finally getting that promotion

Better snap it up before Oprah does.

Better work life balance.

Between the two of us, we could build the perfect dating algorithm.

Big deal.

Binging Friends, are we?

Blah, blah, blah, lots of sobbing. You get the gist.

Bless his horny soul,

Boo! Go back to your terrariums! [grunts]

Boo! I've seen better science in a Louisiana textbook.

Booby trap floor. That's cute.

Books are like the opposite of sex!

Booyah. While the rest of you guys were playing house,

Bourne, Bourne, Bourne.

Bourne, Bourne, Bourne. Bourne. Bourne.

Bow before my totally tubular power!

Bow. What's your name?

Brap, brap, brap!

Bravo, Reagan.

Bravo, Reagan. The way you manipulated that bear

Brett Hand speaking. How may you help me?

Brett Hand, thrilled to be serving whoever gives me approval.

Brett Hand.

Brett Hand. I'm here to rage.

Brett Pack never says die.

Brett thinks Reagan's mom is hot.

Brett, a word.

Brett, congratulations.

Brett, fend them off for as long as you can.

Brett, float down here right this second.

Brett, I have experienced a taste of popularity.

Brett, I'm going to this goddamn party. I'm gonna figure this out and prove

Brett, I'm gonna need your specific talents

Brett, it aired 40 years ago. When we get home, you can stream it.

Brett, it says here you're actually an unpaid intern, so it wouldn't help.

Brett, listen. I know why you're doing this.

Brett, no one has ever gone above and beyond like this.

Brett, Reagan, get out of the Sex Deck. We've got a mission.

Brett, stop! He's controlling the chopper with his mind!

Brett, thanks specifically to your observations,

Brett, that thing is doubling in mass every 15 minutes.

Brett, that's a flag of Rasta Garfield.

Brett, the clones are loose!

Brett, we're secretly running the world. We're not gonna get everything right.

Brett, what are you doing?

Brett, what are you doing?

Brett, what's with your whole Firestarter, Slimer vibe?

Brett, why do you care about those guys?

Brett, you can stay here in the past if you want,

Brett, you saved us!

Brett, you were terrible at it.

Brett! You can take that silly thing off now that we've microchipped you.

Brett. But why?

Brett's a perfect ten.

Brett's got a point, for the first time ever.

Brett's repressed trauma aside, it was just a one night thing.

Brett's second day of work,

Brilliant, Rand. Taunt the man with the gun.

Bring me Bryan.

Bruce Almighty.

Bruce Almighty.

Bryan bot, you wanna get some dinner?

Bryan bot?

Bryan, what have you… [grunts]

BT dubs, if anyone needs it, I know how to do a bow tie.

Bullshit, lies, slander!

Business friends forever.

Business is business.

But at least I'm something.

But because I am hard.

But best of all, no more shitty tote bags.

But Buzz Aldrin is a murderer.

But cutting open a frog doesn't prepare you for real surgery,

But deserves more anyway.

But didn't we fake the moon landing?

But do you wanna go out on a date sometime?

But don't worry, Kevin.

But don't you see? Your messy divorce, it wasn't about your bad face.

But fine, patch me into your computer systems.

But he abandoned you and tried to get me eaten by sharks.

But he did not say it was as a personal trainer.

But he will not mock my comedy!

But his last name has always been Dolphman?

But how dope is it that none of us were the mole, huh?

But HR was right about one thing, pal.

But I brought the livers.

But I can't just let you off the hook,

But I can't make it happen alone.

But I can't,

But I could show you.

But I do appreciate you keeping me alive down here in secret.

But I don't know, maybe your species enjoys that.

But I don't like your attitude!

But I find one onboard vineyard limiting, so I'm thinking of selling the old gal.

But I get what you meant about boundaries.

But I got a lot of baseball cards, so…

But I got lost in the vents and started boredom eating

But I have been inspired by my mom to say yes to me, for once.

But I have made some awesome friends.

But I still don't get why Brett is so wrapped up in this stuff.

But I think that I might be your…

But I think they're telling the truth.

But I thought you were gonna do my repairs today.

But I trust you.

But I wore my best fanny pack.

But I'm also… "Tamiko's best friend."

But I'm an LA ten and a DC 24!

But I've been Buzz Aldrin for over 50 years.

But I've learned that sometimes the hard thing is the right thing.

But if you let my friends go,

But in the meantime, if you're going to be a superspy,

But in this case, I'll allow it. Dish, girl.

But is there any danger that it goes rogue on us?

But it doesn't mean that she's mad…

But it kinda seems like she means it.

But it looks like 30 years of gravity have done enough damage.

But it's a set of bio cranial robot arms that will increase my productivity 600%!

But it's not a big deal.

But it's not.

But it's okay. I'm sorry for leaving you with that psycho.

But it's still not enough. Someone in this office is getting fired.

But it's time to look for that passcode in my repressed memories.

But maybe yes.

But my friends call me O.J., after my hero.

But my weaknesses are your weaknesses too,

But new Myc says, "O Captain! My Captain!"

But no, the only thing that could bring me peace

But not as bad as those idiot Atlantians.

But not until the '90s.

But now, I'm chasing a robot up the stairs

But seeing as he really saved our bums

But seriously,

But she also knew how to rock a bold lip."

But she can make him think she is

But she doesn't discriminate. She's like that to everybody.

But SkullFinger's device is far more powerful.

But talking about it with my therapist has cut my panic attacks in half!

But thanks to my sick new invention,

But that man's a psycho.

But that's, uh…

But the American people can fight a lot damn harder.

But the numbers are in,

But the truth is, the moon landing was real.

But then got ambushed by a robot bear.

But then they kept coming of age!

But there's more positive ways to get my attention

But they are armed and uninformed!

But they're living their best lives

But this is too much.

But tomorrow's my birthday.

But turned out to be too dumb to manipulate.

But usually.

But we live in America in the 2020s,

But we thought we'd be better solo, and look what happened.

But we use mind control all the time.

But we were so close,

But we'd need a whole tank full of psycho conductive fluid to restart it.

But we're all about to die because we can't find the mole.

But we're gonna find Myc with or without you.

But what do I know?

But what do I know?

But what's more likely, that this was done by one of our gang

But when my good friend Neil Armstrong

But who's counting?

But who's gonna pay for all this damage?

But you can't. It's the edge.

But you do want to take over the world, right?

But you don't need a fake family when you've got real BFFs.

But you have to promise that you're not gonna tell anyone.

But you're banned from the company. How do you have clearance?

But, Dad…

But…

But… but you're dead.

Buy this place for cheap,

Buzz Aldrin, the first second man on the moon.

Buzz said he died of a sex injury.

Buzz, I have something to tell you.

By a bunch of inferior beings.

By carefully exposing my turtles to select doses of radiation,

By cleaning up the place.

By finally breaking the hell out of Earth's orbit.

By posing as a billionaire who's interested in buying it.

By the power vested in me by the Deep State,

Can anyone capture this historic moment?

Can we be of assistance?

Can we just keep things professional, please?

Can you believe Goonies was only 6.99?

Can you believe it?

Can you grab one from the organ lab? It's urgent.

Can't Myc just tell us who did it?

Can't stare directly at it per my therapist.

Can't you just tell him you're not interested?

Carry me, you swine.

Celebrate curves!

Checks and balances.

Chin up, kiddo. Friends are temporary.

Choking someone out with a cumberbund?

Choose a Robe's most favorite beast

Christ, wow.

Ciao, darling!

Citizens of the world, I think we can all agree,

Clap, or you're a traitor!

Classic Ridley rage issues.

Cloacas?

Clone massacre.

Code Red! Show her plan B!

Cognito HQ. Open the Hollow Earth portal.

Cognito told me this was some kind of sex cult

Color me intrigued.

Combined with a tailwind of…

Come on, guys, the '80s were a garbage decade.

Come on, it'll be fun. We can replant that flag.

Come on, it's not all bad. Right, Andre?

Come on, Reagan, you wanna hate watch Cosmos with me?

Come on, this one definitely has Bear o in it.

Come on.

Come on. I'm gonna be late for work.

Come out with your hands up, you pink fleshed motherfuckers!

Come out with your hands up, you pink fleshed motherfuckers!

Coming to you live from the Reptoid Supreme Court.

Computer, set the room to Reagan lighting.

Conclusions jumped. Hand over the file.

Congratulations, Reagan. You're still getting your promotion.

Congratulations. It's total fucking chaos. You know what, Mom?

Cool. Do you have 2Pac?

Corkboard? Red yarn?

Could I pull off a black turtleneck?

Couldn't be helped, I'm afraid.

Crap, I'm a memory, aren't I?

Cut the shtick, Stupowitz.

D D D D DJ Lockbox.

Dad, did you make Bear o indestructible?

Dad, I know retirement is tough,

Dad, I see you've met Bryan bot.

Dad, I want the truth, and if you lie,

Dad, I've got some good news and some good booze.

Dad, is there anything in here

Dad, these are my friends.

Dad, this is serious.

Dad, what the fuck?

Dad, you can't just throw my inventions away.

Dad, you have to leave.

Dad, you weren't pushed out.

Dad?!

Dad?! You fucking stowed away?

Daddy's gonna rustle up some black cherry Tab.

Dagnabbit. That SOS we sent you

Damn it, CafePress.

Damn it, I can't do this alone.

Damn it, you beautiful, brave, simple man.

Damn it. This was Myc's last location.

Damn it. Threatening to expose the Deep State, that's one thing.

Damn near slows the aging process to a halt.

Damn right, she does.

Damn thing's on the fritz

Damn you, Masters.

Damn, that is accurate.

Damn, why am I always attracted to crazy?

Damn, you can really bro down.

Dark, erotic things.

Darling, must you wear this hideous headset?

Darling, you had months to find a plus one.

Dating my own robot? That is…

Deal.

Dear diary, abandonment issues rearing their ugly head again.

Dear diary, the gang is no more,

Death.

Definitely not because I'm planning to escape, so put it out of your head.

Democracy is real. Have some key chains.

Despite my sunny demeanor, I am not doing this for fun.

Did I tell you guys about my RPG tournament in high school?

Did Jamiroquai design this place?

Did you say "Brett"? I love that guy.

Didn't that little brother from that show become a drug addict?

Didn't want you getting too much of her judginess.

Died in the great orgy avalanche,

Diggity denial. I love it.

Disappeared, and/or eaten by sharks. Kind of a stakes overkill.

Disappearing anybody your mom's ever dated

Divert the entire pension fund into my personal account.

Divorcing her narcissist husband

Do any of these buttons dispense Advil?

Do I have to go?

Do I know you?

Do it. I fucking dare you. Do you know who I am?

Do offer them a cricket, mouse, or vole out of your pocket.

Do something!

Do that, and I will take you to the Earth's edge.

Do they really appreciate you back on Earth, Reagan?

Do you ever feel bad about… [inhales]

Do you have a name?

Do you have any idea how dangerous I'd be if I had zero self doubt?