♪ Poor quangus

Title: Poor quangus
Full Transcript: In this quote from Family Guy, a character named Jonathan Caldwell criticizes another character, Brian. He accuses Brian of being a terrible person who takes advantage of his friend's kindness, doesn't pay for anything, and pretends to be deep but only dates superficial women. Jonathan also insults Brian's writing skills and liberal agenda, saying he should do more to help the underprivileged. He concludes by calling Brian a boring alcoholic. Good morning, afternoon, or evening. My name is Jonathan Caldwell, and I'll be reading a quote from the Season 8, Episode 7, episode of Family Guy, Jerome is the New Black. Okay, I'll tell you. You're the worst person I know. You're constantly hitting your best friend's wife, the man pays for your food and rescues you from a certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You always say, oh, I'll get you later, but later never comes. And what really bothers me is that you pretend to be this deep guy who loves women for their souls, and all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them some 7th grade interpretation I hold in coffee with some profound intellectual. He wasn't. He was a spoiled brat, and that's why you like him so much. He's you. God, you're pretentious. And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible. You know, you should have known Cheryl Tief didn't write me that note. You should have known there's no A in the word definite. And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda, how we should legalize pot man, how big business crushes the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. What have you done to help? I worked down in the soup kitchen, Brian. Never seen you down there. You want to help? Grab a ladle. And by the way, trying to get Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait, you don't believe in Jesus Christ, or any religion for that matter, because religions were idiots. Well, who the hell are you to talk down to anyone? You failed college twice, was nearly as bad as your failure as a father, how's that serve you as you never see? But you know what? I'd rather give all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore. That's the worst of it, Brian. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore. Eh, well, see you, Brian. Thanks for the fucking steak. Thank you for listening.
From Soundboard: MrLens
Format: MP3
Length: 114 seconds
Plays: 3 plays
Downloads: 0 downloads
Uploaded: August 2nd 2024
Auto Transcribed: No