Todd Anderson TTS Computer AI Voice

Walk through the door, cracking a stupid joke, smiling that way that made the whole room feel alive. But you’re not. You’re never coming back.

I can’t stop seeing you lying there. I keep hearing your voice, and then I remember it’s gone. And my chest it hurts so much, I can’t even breathe sometimes. I wanted to tell you—so many things—but now I can’t. You’re not here. I can’t tell you how scared I am that I’ll forget the sound of your laugh, the way your eyes lit up when you were dreaming about… everything.

I keep thinking maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I should have spoken louder, should have done more, should have helped prevented you going onto the path that made you choose this decision. You were brilliant. You were brave. And I… I just watched. I watched while you carried everything alone. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to save you. But I couldn’t.

I don’t know how to live in a world without you. I don’t want to. Every time I sit down, every time I pick up a pen, every time I open a book… I see you. I feel you. And then I feel nothing.

I wish I could’ve held you. I wish I could’ve told you you were enough. That you were loved. That you were… you. And now I can’t. Now I just have these words that will never reach you.

I miss you, Neil. I miss you so much it hurts. I don’t think this… this emptiness will ever leave me. And I don’t know how to make it stop. I wish I was the one with the gun instead of you.

From your dearest friend
Todd Anderson